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BE MAD BE SAD BUT DONT U DARE GIVE UP

This is going to fucking suck but I will not do my enemies’ work for them. I will not just roll over and fucking die.

the whole "trans men just have sexual trauma" thing absolutely infuriates me, as someone who was practically brainwashed into believing i was raped by conversion therapists as a kid.

i have been an obvious transsexual my entire life. i told everyone i was a boy. i was just told it was normal and nobody wants to be a girl. i told my mom i wanted a dick and balls and she said, "no you dont."

i was put in conversion therapy, diagnosed with autism, despite not having many of the symptoms, and put on Risperdal. an anti psychotic drug that was not meant to be used in children as young as i was, that also "just so happens" to cause out of control breast growth. (it also caused me to become obese and struggle with my weight for years even after i stopped taking it, despite never having weight problems before.)

therapists and my parents would constantly tell me that i was hiding something and try to hypnotize me into remembering it, i had no idea what it was, i was told something horrible happened to me and i had to remember it, i kept telling them i dont remember, and they told me i had memory problems. they kept telling me i had a memory locked away somewhere and i had to recover it, i had no idea what they meant by this.

i have no idea how to describe the way that i felt because of this. the feeling didnt go away when the therapy ended. it stayed with me for YEARS. my entire childhood and most of my teenage years i felt like i had a dark and evil secret that i couldnt even remember. it stuck with me, i didnt even know what it was. they marked me socially and mentally as a "rape victim" without it even happening, without me even understanding what they had done.

i didnt find out until i was a teenager that the therapists were telling my parents i had been raped. based on nothing. you know what happened in these therapy sessions? i played with animal toys and told the therapist i didnt want to go to school and that i wanted to be a boy. i told them i hated my name. and wanted to be called by a different name. they told me i had a deep dark secret i needed to remember and confess to them.

because marking me as someone who had been raped would emasculate me.

POV: your server is the clumsiest puppyboygirl of them all >_<

reasons.

war never changes

squeak saturday: she CAN haz cheezburger

NEVER LET YOURSELF BE STOPPED BY WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF YOU STARTED EARLIER!!!!! THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE IS NOW

To be trans is to change for the better.