Gaylor Swift Coded…

it was oddly relieving

once it was all said and done

no more heightened emotions

now that you’re gone

you don’t love her.

not like you loved me.

do you?

“we’re gonna have to say goodbye eventually,” he sighed as i begged him to stay.

“why?”

i will never be okay again. i can’t imagine a future where i’m stable and happy. i can never run far enough away from myself.

they have something to say to the homophobes

he makes me feel so drained

i can’t help but wonder

if he purposely forces the life out of me

so i feel he’s the only one who can give it back

thinking about how my cool democratic aunt bought me a book about a girl with internalized homophobia in an extremely religious town, that literally entirely applies to me.... do y’all think she knows somehow🤔

this is amazing.

In All My Naked Glory

Based on this request: Also! “Oh, did he not tell you about that? He’s seen me in all my naked glory.” (Feat. Oscar and Bryan) [or something like that]       

It was a particularly hot day; the sun was bleeding golden ichor in the cloudless azure sky. The streets were violent with heat, sweat stuck to skin, and so did clothing, glued to a body and irremovable. It was a thick kind of heat, one you could take a slice out of and spit out. Everything felt ten times heavier, and the rush of the city made it all a thousand times worse.

Brian’s air conditioner had broken.

           Just his luck as well, because the news reporters were starting to say it would be “the hottest of the year” or “a blistering day, crank that A.C!” Of course, soon the heat from the television leaked into the room, drenching everything in sticky humidity. After stripping down to his underwear and sticking his head under the cold water of the sink, Brian received a message.

           Noah: Dude, it’s so hot out.

           Brian ignored the bubble of excitement bursting in his belly as he read over the message. He let a smile cross his face as he shook out his hair, which had grown long in the past few months, long overdue for a chop. However, every time Brian thought about the barbershop, all he could think of was Noah saying, “Your hair is like a super nova, it’s absolutely killer to paint!” And Brian imagined he could suffer a while longer with the hair.

           However, this heat was beginning to add weight, and he found it hard to keep his head up. He opted to shoot out a reply, hoping something good would come out of this bone-crushing hotness.

           Brian: I know, my air conditioner just broke. I think I’m melting.

           He towel-dried his hair as he stared down at his phone, willing Noah to type out a visionary masterpiece, which would mostly entail, “come over, and let’s make out.” Or something along those lines.

           Brian didn’t reckon it was love, more that it was…

           No, never mind, he figured it was love.

           Of course, right as his heart was pounding and his mind was racing, Noah was about to force him into insanity, his phone buzzed. Brian jumped at the noise, reaching across the counter. His hands hungrily snatched at the device and his eyes read the message with just as much fervor.

           Noah: Sounds like you’re really suffering. Our place has got A.C. if you’re into that.

           Brian answered without a second’s white, his mouth bursting into a candy-coated smile.

           Brian: Is that an invitation?

           And not even a moment later.

           Noah: Yes it is.

           Brian burst into a super nova, his light bouncing through the room, destroying everything in its path. He flew to his room, cutting through the dense air with a machete. He practically pulled his drawer off its hinges. He ripped out a pair of paint-spattered shorts (thanks to Noah, of course) and a Stanford Baseball shirt. Then, in an explosion of electricity, he sprinted out the door and down the street.

           He travelled as fast as a comet towards the Sweetwine’s shared apartment. He pushed past people, his excitement fighting off the heat of the day. He surged into the apartment building, and the doorman offered a grunt and a nod.

           Brian flew up the stairs, jumping through galaxies to reach Noah’s apartment.

           And suddenly he was there, and the door was flying open.

           “Picasso! Your friend is here!” A tall, accented bloke with an eruption of dark hair similar to Noah’s (although not as artistic, Brian noted) opened the door. Brian immediately noted his choice in wardrobe: black skinny jeans, black biker boots; black t-shirt, and black leather jacket.

           “Thanks Oscar!” An all too familiar voice called. Brian’s heart swelled with excitement as he watched an awkward figure bounce through the room. The biker with hair not quite as good as Noah’s left the doorway with a chuckle. Brian watched Noah walk over. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that had once been white, but was now drenched in every color possible. His skin was spattered with paint, making him even more of a masterpiece than he already was. His hair was a nest of unwashed curls atop his head, which he somehow managed.

           “Brian!” The excitement in the smiling boy’s face radiated across his body, radiating across the planet. Brian suspected every person in the world felt a few degrees better as Noah’s smile grew. Brian smiled back and was soon smashed into a too-big hug that touched him in all the right places.

           “Get a room, boys!” Jude called from behind. Immediately the two best friends parted, sharing smiles and blushes and odd little “I’m sorry’s” and “you look good” and such. Jude cackled from behind, an absolute vision with an ocean of blond hair dressed in a dress of her own creation. She was sitting on the couch, the tall, foreign boy right beside her, arm draped over her shoulders.

           “Ah, I seem to have forgotten,” Noah noticed the tension building on Brian’s face. “This is the ever-wonderful Oscore, Jude’s ‘bad boy’ boyfriend.” Noah explained with a smirk. Jude fell into hysterics at that.

           “What?” Oscar asked, a smile spreading across his devilishly handsome face. “Listen, I’m worse than you lot combined.” He added. “I am quite the bad boy boyfriend, thank you for the introduction, Picasso.” The Brit spat out the brunette’s nickname. Noah chuckled and Oscar turned his gaze to Brian. “You must be Brian then? Right, I’ve heard a good amount about you.” Oscar gave Noah a pointed look. Noah went bright red and Brian fell into the cool abyss of confusion.

           “What?”

           “Nothing!”

           Everyone stayed in silence for a moment, until Jude saved the day, as she seemed to be constantly doing.

           “What are you working on then, Noah?” She asked. Noah’s face got that starry, far-away gaze that he tended to get any time he talked about art. Brian found it endearing, cute even.

           “I was doing a cubist take on a painting I had done a few years back, but then I thought of this absolutely gorgeous realism painting I saw a few days ago, so I did a bit of a twist on that I suppose.” Noah absent-mindedly grabbed Brian’s hand and led him to the coach. Brian felt heat flood between the two; he didn’t want to let go. “It really is just an extraordinary concept, you know.” He babbled on.

           “No more naked pictures then?” Oscar’s face turned to a mischievous grin. Noah’s own went bright red. “That was years ago, remember that Picasso?”

           “Yes, you talk about it every time you get the chance.” Noah answered shortly. Brian was confused, as usual.

           “What is going on here?” He questioned, the room bursting with tension.

           “Oh, he hasn’t mentioned it?” Oscar nodded towards Noah, who was giving the older boy the death stare. “Yeah, that odd bloke over there has seen me in all my naked glory.” Oscar explained. Jude burst into another bout of laughter, and Noah sank lower in his seat.

           “What!?” Brian cried.

           “Defensive boyfriend, are we?” Oscar asked, his fingers intertwining with Jude’s. She let out another giggle as the two boys sputtered out excuses and defenses. “Oh can it, there’s obviously a lot of romantic tension, it’s smothering me, in fact. Why don’t you two just fuck and make us all feel better, aye?”

           “OSCAR!” The twins cried. Jude swatted at his arm and Noah jumped to his feet. Oscar had his hand wrapped around Jude’s, the smile on his face slowly growing.

           “Picasso likes you.” Oscar sprinted out of the room, Jude following close behind as the two turned into volcanoes of laughter, joy trickling from every inch of their bodies.

           “OSCAR-“ Noah began, jumping to his feet.

           “You-you like me?” Brian muttered, looking up at the frazzled brunette. Noah turned to Brian, his eyebrow arched in confusion as his lips set in a thin line. He seemed to be questioning Brian’s question, leading into more confusion.

           “Well, yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious, or, Oscar told me it was anyways.” Noah shrugged. Brian stared down at his hands for a moment, his body a rocket of happiness waiting to take off.

           “But-but I abandoned you…” He thought out loud.

           “And I did something even worse. Listen, you don’t have to return the feeling or anything, it’s just-“ But Noah left his thought unfinished, because the rocket had exploded and Brian was on his feet, racing towards Noah at full speed, and their lips met on a collision course.

           A few moments of breathless, airless, thoughtless moments passed. Hands roamed bodies and mouths moved in harmony as the two boys made up for years and years of lost time, years and years of disappearances.

           “But I ruined your-“

           “Noah, I ruined it. I ruined everything.” Brian muttered, cutting the Rafael-like boy off. “We were both dumb, deal?”

           “Deal.” Noah responded in breathless wonderment, his eyes painting galaxies across Brian’s body. “Oscar told me-“

           “Listen, no offense, but the guy’s kind of an idiot. He’s wearing all black and leather on the hottest day of the summer.”

           “True but-“

           “Just kiss me again, I don’t want to hear anymore about this ‘naked glory’.” And Noah’s face went bright red as their lips met again for the first time in too long.

the stars still shine the same with out you here

i look just as pretty without you telling me so

i think i overvalued your importance

you were just a guy

who didn’t like me

as much as i liked you

“you have a song that reminds you of me?”

“yeah.”

“it’s a sad song.”

“don’t you think we’re kind of sad? we’ve known of our doom from the start. but we keep coming back to each other and hurting ourselves all over again.”