“Hey” With The Intention Of Hanging Out In A Graveyard 🦇🪦

Sometimes I think about how many people I met in food service who smoke. I think about growing up in an upper-middle class neighborhood, and how it was drilled into me that smoking is addictive and bad for your health. I think most people, in America at least, are well aware of that. Whenever I would decline a cigarette, on the rare occasion it was offered, saying I dont smoke the reply is always "good, don't start."

I think about the long shifts, working on your feet all day, with breaks scheduled down to the minute. Every second of your day controlled by the clock, regardless of how tired you might be. However, in food service, there is one exception. The smoke break. Most managers respect the smoke break. The old school ones do, at least. The newer crop less so. Food service is fast paced, highly stressful work, and nicotine, in addition to all of its addictive and damaging properties, is a relaxant. If a burger flipper or barista says they need to step outside for a smoke, you let them do it, and you dont begrudge them for it.

It's such a strange bit of kindness. One that we know is terribly harmful in many respects, but performed anyway. I think about all of the interconnected systems, of health, of education, of exploitation, that leads a person to knowingly trade in years of their life for five minutes of peace. I wonder how many people in my upper middle class neighborhood would propose simply banning the smoke breaks. I wonder how many people I know would just break.

You bring me caffeine or you bring me disappointment

Okay, but like—imagine with me here:

It’s Mabel and Dipper’s 21st birthday, and as a celebration Stan and Ford take them to a interdiemensional bar that just ABOSOLUTELY HUGE and it’s a bar that exists inbetween universes, so in the bar that night of Dipper’s birthday—

There’s a ton fuck of Dippers there.

Turns out, they rented the entire place out.

There’s a bunch of them from different AUs—Monster Falls, Transcendence AU, Fight Falls, Reverse Falls, Zero Gravity, even a few of the Dipper’s from the fanfics the fandom makes. Some of them are monster hunters, leaders of the criminal underworld, interdiemensional backpackers, professors—and they’re all just drinking.

To the surprise, shock, confusion and horror of the Canon Pines, they’re all talking about Bill and complaining about their Pines families.

Like—

“But why is Bill so hot though?”

“I dunno man, ask Mr. I-Was-A-Triangle.”

“But why was he a triangle in your universe?”

“Beggars can’t be choosers y’know.”

“Maybe it’s the freedom and chaotic appeal. Beats our families.”

“Oh yeah, they’re pieces of shit. Like all the times Ford looked down on me—“

“When Stan used me for a money schemes—“

“And all the times Mabel just left us for fucking dead.”

“Yeah, what were we thinking? That asshole literally almost threw the entire Multiverse into chaos, just for another day of summer, that little—“

“I, for one, enjoy the chaos.”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it, you insane maniacal bitch. You like Weirdmageddon. Stop with the torture stories dude. I’m trying to drink my problems away here, not gain more.”

“Let’s just be glad we all left those losers for Bill!”

“And Wirt!”

“And whoever the fuck Wirt is! Here’s to fucking our families over!”

“And pulling our heads out of our asses!”

“Cheer—“

“What in the actual fuck?”

All the Dippers just turn to see the Canons and they’re all like—

“Well if isn’t the straight, bitchy loser of the group!”

“Ugh, and he’s still hanging with them.”

“LETS ALL POINT AND LAUGH AT HIM!” (And yes, that was probably Alcor).

The Canon Pines get called out for their bullshit, Dipper gets explained the messy batshit the fandom calls Billdip (and Pinescone/Cipher Pinescone) and meanwhile, in another room of the bar—

There’s just the Bills and Wirts from the Dippers’ universes.

Most of the Wirts are having civil conversations and making small talk and comparing universes.

The Bills, on the other hand, are literally congratulating and patting themselves on the back for being so hot and amazing and getting Pine Tree (and Music Note/Pilgrim, in some cases). Like—

“Ah yes, we’re so amazing.”

“And hot.”

“And we have great personalities.”

“And Pine Tree is ours.”

“And Music Note.”

“Ah, we’re so great.”

“Here’s to our beautiful, legendary asses.”

“Cheers!”

GEN Z NOSTALGIA (specifically 2000′s kids)

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL (roughly 2005-2011)

MIDDLE SCHOOL (2011-2014)

HIGH SCHOOL (2014-2018)

I had a vivid dream last night where a YouTube channel leaked the first 11 minutes of the Rick and Morty season eight premiere. I don't remember the plot (it was probably gibberish anyway), but it tied into the anime and included Elle and a simulation. Near the end, Morty started fantasizing about having loving parents who actually cared for him. In the dream, I was thinking "The Morty fans on Tumblr are going to love this!"

Unfortunately, it wasn't real. Sorry, Morty fans.

So I was talking the other day about my time in the hospital and I was joking about it because how else do you cope with something so overwhelming.

“Hah yeah it’s been a while not that I miss it, the cameras, the restraints,” I think for a moment “ it’s been a year” I say quietly. My smile fades “It’s been a year” I know I wasn’t there as long as the others and I know I’ve since had a better experience in another hospital and I know that I lied my way out. But it’s been a year.

And I didn’t think I’d make it another year.

Hey all! The Kofi goal for my holidays tables is complete, and here they are. What do you guys think the next goal should be? Put a suggestion in my inbox if you have any ideas. Shoutout to @sagenfrom7-11 for fulfilling this goal!

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