Doom Slayer Only Thinks In Heavy Or Death Metal Right? So If He Is Happy Does He Think In Classical Music

Enri, praying: It’s me again

Enri: I need someone to save my village... someone who won’t run away

Enri: Maybe send me an angel!

Enri: The nicest angel you have.

Momonga, striding through a black portal, gripping the heart of an enemy soldier, reanimating the corpse to go kill more soldiers, and offering Enri a vial of blood to drink: :) hi

Godzilla is the king not because the other kaiju agree with him, but because no one has any fucking clue of what he's saying, but he's saying it with such conviction that no one dares question him.

The implications are just funny as hell. Like he could just be groaning that his feet hurt but everyone else thinks he's about to do an execution. Or trying to give a compliment yet others think he's about to slit their throat.

Godzilla: Listen Rodan, I'm disappointed but I understand why you did what you did. It was merely the nature of self preservation and survival. Nothing cowardly about that.

Rodan, who doesn't speak japanese and thinks Godzilla is threatening him:

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

what if it was all worth it, in the end?

Mother Earth: And to you, Human, I shall give you great Endurance and a thick skin, remarkable mimicry and visual tracking skills, strong inner bones which heal back even stronger when broken, an omnivorous diet with acute palates and resistance to most poisons, a pack organization, skin-stealing skills and the ability to throw things with ease and accuracy using your upper limbs, so you shall reign the hot savannahs and deserts as the greatest pursuit predator ever. Also as primates you shall not be bound to mating seasons and with your strong self-healing instincts and great adaptability, you shall rise and be numerous as ever.

Human: Mkay but what's that nice little red fruit outta there

Mother Earth: ... That's a pepper. Do not eat it, as it contains capsaicin, and you're still a mammal. This is a fruit for the birds.

Human: But it look tasty

Mother Earth: I mean, unless you want to be curling yourself down on utter pain, you should not...

Human: *already biting it* tast y

Mother Earth: HUMAN PLEASE STOP--

Human: *already crying, curling themself up down and shedding tears of pain*

Mother Earth: I told you. Stay away from that fruit

Human: *takes another bite despite the pain*

Mother Earth: What the everloving Big Bang, HUMAN PLEASE STOP IT'S TO YOUR OWN GOOD

Human: *crying* T A S T YYYY

Mother Earth: *concerned motherworld noises*

So, I haven’t been posting consistently for the past couple of weeks because I’ve been ripping and tearing through the hordes of hell in Bethesda’s new DOOM game, oh and what a fucking game it is!! There are few experiences as emotionally exhilarating as when you are violently blasting through fucking droves of demons while the game serenades you with glorious heavy metal. If you haven’t, please play it!

Recently, I beat the game, and I bought a cute DoomGuy POP Vinyl to add to the toy collection. Please enjoy some of the best doom game tidbits I found on Tumblr. Some of it’s pretty funny!

Take aways from DOOM 2019 Trailers at E3

One: The Fall of DOOM Slayer and Rise of Samuel Hayden

Samuel Hayden blamed DOOM Slayer for every - as we can see, the humans in the DOOM Eternal Trailers are pants shitingly terrified of DOOM Slayer.

Why?

Well, only one person survived Mars (besides DOOM Slayer himself) and that was our giant asshole robot friend. In all likelihood he told everyone that DOOM Slayer was was responsible for the demon outbreak, as well as responsible for the loss the precious argent energy.

Samuel took credit for ending the threat of the DOOM Slayer and the Hell invasion and elevated himself to being Humanities savior.

Jump to DOOM 2019, we see Samuel’s broken cybernetic body hanging in a labratory undergoing repairs. Why?

Well, he likely realized that maybe DOOM Slayer didn’t have it totally wrong about Hell and that the problem was getting out of hand as more and more demons came to Earth. So he tried to take the roll of the DOOM Slayer and push the darkness back, and failed miserably.

If you read his bio in DOOM 2016, you will find that he did in fact claim to have built his replacement cybernetic body to be so big and intimidating specifically so he could be the Hero mankind would need in the event something awful happened.

Two: The Wretch returns.

In the Testament of the DOOM Slayer, it is said that ‘The Wretch’ forged DOOM Slayer his armor, and turned him from the unstoppable juggernaut of death and destruction, into the the actual, literal, bogyman of hell that we know him as now. As the start of the trailer, we hear a voice similar to that of the one at the start of DOOM 2016, the one that tells us to RIP AND TEAR. UNTIL IT IS DONE, asking the  DOOM Slayer why he has returned.

Obviously the Wretch will upgrade DOOM Slayers armor, and restore Vega! As you can hear Vega in several parts of game-play telling the DOOM Slayer what to do. This is likely done using magic from hell. So our lovable AI companion returns, likely turning again his creators to side with DOOM Slayer. Although he may not sound it, Vega is 100% Conscious and self aware, as stated in his Bio in DOOM 2016

Three: The Wrath of Heaven

So where the hell does Heaven come in?

The Forces of Heaven seek to punish mankind for consorting with Hell. All of mankind. Innocent and guilty alike. Obviously this does not fly with DOOM Slayer. DOOM Slayer cares for mankind and seeks to protect it, even from it self. So DOOM Slayers war against Hell will now extends to to Heaven, as Heaven seeks to kill them all.

tl;dr - Demons and Angels run when a DOOM Slayer goes to war.

“Thanks for the gift.”

You can’t see but he is grinning behind that visor.

I hope Priestess wore some sort of ear protection.

“I am a monument to all your sins”

“This is not your grave, but you are welcome in it” “There is much talk, and I have listened, through rock and metal and time. Now I shall talk, and you shall listen.” “Arrogant creatures! Your deaths will be instantaneous, while we shall suffer the progress of infinitude!” “We exist together now, two corpses in one grave…” “Do not be afraid. I am peace; I am salvation… I am a timeless chorus. Join your voice with mine, and sing victory everlasting.” “Lies for the weak! Beacons for the deluded!… You will be food; nothing more…” -Through the Prophet of Truth. “Now the gate has been unlatched, headstones pushed aside; corpses shift and offer room, a fate you must abide!” “Child of my enemy, why have you come? I offer no forgiveness, a father’s sins, passed to his son.” “I have beaten fleets of thousands! Consumed a galaxy of flesh and mind and bone!” “Do I take life or give it? Who is victim, and who is foe?” “Resignation is my virtue; like water I ebb, and flow. Defeat is simply the addition of time to a sentence I never deserved… but you imposed.” Why haven’t I heard more people talk about how flawless The Gravemind’s words are?

Turns out humans were just a discarded attempt at making lab grown soldiers. The rest of the galaxy is surprised and terrified to see us alive.