How To Get Motivated After A Long Break

A songfic inspired by "Everything Has Changed" by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. This story explores both John and Elizabeth's thoughts during the episodes "Rising Parts 1 & 2," "The Storm," and "The Eye." This story was written in celebration of my first Sparktober. Sparky, Sheppard/Weir

“Getting” yourself to write

Yesterday, I was trawling iTunes for a decent podcast about writing. After a while, I gave up, because 90% of them talked incessantly about “self-discipline,” “making writing a habit,” “getting your butt in the chair,” “getting yourself to write.” To me, that’s six flavors of fucked up.

Okay, yes—I see why we might want to “make writing a habit.” If we want to finish anything, we’ll have to write at least semi-regularly. In practical terms, I get it.

But maybe before we force our butts into chairs, we should ask why it’s so hard to “get” ourselves to write. We aren’t deranged; our brains say “I don’t want to do this” for a reason. We should take that reason seriously.

Most of us resist writing because it hurts and it’s hard. Well, you say, writing isn’t supposed to be easy—but there’s hard, and then there’s hard. For many of us, sitting down to write feels like being asked to solve a problem that is both urgent and unsolvable—“I have to, but it’s impossible, but I have to, but it’s impossible.” It feels fucking awful, so naturally we avoid it.

We can’t “make writing a habit,” then, until we make it less painful. Something we don’t just “get” ourselves to do.

The “make writing a habit” people are trying to do that, in their way. If you do something regularly, the theory goes, you stop dreading it with such special intensity because it just becomes a thing you do. But my god, if you’re still in that “dreading it” phase and someone tells you to “make writing a habit,” that sounds horrible.

So many of us already dismiss our own pain constantly. If we turn writing into another occasion for mute suffering, for numb and joyless endurance, we 1) will not write more, and 2) should not write more, because we should not intentionally hurt ourselves.

Seriously. If you want to write more, don’t ask, “how can I make myself write?” Ask, “why is writing so painful for me and how can I ease that pain?” Show some compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wish you were and treat the person you are with some basic decency. Give yourself a fucking break for avoiding a thing that makes you feel awful.

Daniel José Older, in my favorite article on writing ever, has this to say to the people who admonish writers to write every day:

Here’s what stops more people from writing than anything else: shame. That creeping, nagging sense of ‘should be,’ ‘should have been,’ and ‘if only I had…’ Shame lives in the body, it clenches our muscles when we sit at the keyboard, takes up valuable mental space with useless, repetitive conversations. Shame, and the resulting paralysis, are what happen when the whole world drills into you that you should be writing every day and you’re not.

The antidote, he says, is to treat yourself kindly:

For me, writing always begins with self-forgiveness. I don’t sit down and rush headlong into the blank page. I make coffee. I put on a song I like. I drink the coffee, listen to the song. I don’t write. Beginning with forgiveness revolutionizes the writing process, returns its being to a journey of creativity rather than an exercise in self-flagellation. I forgive myself for not sitting down to write sooner, for taking yesterday off, for living my life. That shame? I release it. My body unclenches; a new lightness takes over once that burden has floated off. There is room, now, for story, idea, life.

Writing has the potential to bring us so much joy. Why else would we want to do it? But first we’ve got to unlearn the pain and dread and anxiety and shame attached to writing—not just so we can write more, but for our own sakes! Forget “making writing a habit”—how about “being less miserable”? That’s a worthy goal too!

Luckily, there are ways to do this. But before I get into them, please absorb this lesson: if you want to write, start by valuing your own well-being. Start by forgiving yourself. And listen to yourself when something hurts.

Next post: freewriting

Ask me a question or send me feedback! Podcast recommendations welcome…

You are a dynamic character in the story of your life.  You are complex and multi-dimensional.  Don’t give up.  Your story isn’t over!

If Marvel movies were written by women

-Peggy Carter’s funeral would have been more than 3 minutes long.

-Tony Stark would have given a eulogy to Peggy, having grown up admiring her, his dad’s colleague of many years, a tremendously strong female role model (the woman who approved Pepper’s hire, of course).

-Steve Rogers would not have put the moves on Peggy’s niece within a day of burying Peggy.

-Black Widow would have gotten her own movie by now.

-A big part of Bucky’s backstory/flashbacks would have been told through Natasha’s viewpoint, her memories of either working with or against The Winter Soldier in Russia and the East. 

-Pepper Potts would have been in Civil War, speaking for herself.

-Wanda’s grief over her brother would still be very present.  Her feelings of loss and mourning would be front-and-center for her character.

-Black Panther’s woman bodyguard would have had more than one line. 

-Natasha would have told Steve that she was at Peggy’s funeral in part because she didn’t want him to be alone, but also in part to pay respects to the great Peggy Carter.

-There would be way more women in these movies.  There would be women of many ages, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and nationalities in these movies.  There would be many scenes of women talking to women.  There would be many more scenes of women talking.  And doing.  And feeling.  And being. 

How to be Your own Best Friend

1. Treat yourself the way you would treat a person who you loved, highly valued, and cared about.

2. Always love yourself – no matter what!

3. Only say positive, compassionate, understanding and affirming things about, and to, yourself.

4. Hold your own hand in tough and stressful times. Don’t abandon yourself, or let yourself down.

5. Respect yourself, and the efforts that you’re making to be a better person, and to change and to grow.

6. Understand your limitations, be patient with yourself. Accept that it takes time to master anything at all.

7. Be kind to yourself when you feel self-critical, or you want to be judgmental and hard on yourself.

“Colonel Sheppard. I’m going to assume that you’re still at the midway station waiting for Doctor McKay to rewrite his macro. I understand what you’re doing, Colonel. Hell, I’ll even call it brave.”

Why I Love Writers

How We Write: The world in the morning was a land frost kissed and chilled. The sun rising above the willows to burn away fog and drink it up again. We rise anew, our bones stretching, our skin shimmering, our blood beating a drummer boys concerto. The land is coffee beans and frying pans and sweetness on the tongue, and we follow its path to whatever life may bring. We are the people and we are alive and we are ready.

How We Talk: Um- I mean… sure… yeah… uh, I mean I guess I’m a morning person I mean oh shit I stuttered didn’t I I mean fu-frick, there’s a lot of stuff in the morning that I like and coffee is basically, you know, good or something or… um… the floor is cold? And sorry, I keep saying cruse words, oh shit I mean curse words I messed up my letters lol um… wow this is super awkward um… maybe we could start over and HOLY SHIT A PUPPY.

I found a fanfiction from a past Sparktober that I wrote and just needed a little editing. It's a fluffy kidfic where John tells Elizabeth and his kids a bedtime story.