“Stop Sending Me Memes!”

"Kill him, lesbians!"

“We thought it was a toilet chain!”

-My grandma, talking about my great grandmother’s very expensive jewelry

"I can't breathe! I mean... I can, but why would I want to?"

-A very relatable girl in my drama class

“So how will you guys walk into hell?”

-me, on a group chat

"I'm not gonna finish that sentence for legal reasons."

“She’s a basic bitch with a basic calculator”

-One of the wisest people I ever knew

I should probably clarify that this was in a game

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

"Mushrooms are overrated! Yeah, I said it!"

Not all trolls, mam

“Are you sure you’re a human being? You have no belly button.”

-My aunt to my grandma