"I May Be Dead, But At Least I Have A Ruler. OH SHIT MY RULER!"

“Have you got any friends and family?”

-My teacher, to the same student she implied had a small penis

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas

"Kill him, lesbians!"

“Are you sure you’re a human being? You have no belly button.”

-My aunt to my grandma

“Zounds, ye whore!”

-Literally William Shakespeare

"God is a pop culture icon."

"Default fonts hurt my soul..."

“Why does February have, like, no days??”

-Someone I used to think was smart

“Jaffa cakes are terrifying!”

-My friend, who is genuinely scared of the orange part of Jaffa cakes

“It’s not porn, one of them is on fire!”