Latest Posts by sunny-downpour - Page 3

The fandom echo chamber: fanon, microanalysis and conspiracy brain 

As someone who has been in fandom spaces, on and off, for 20 years, I find some fascinating trends popping up in the last decade that I thought to be fandom-specific but clearly aren’t. So, I would like to do a little examination of where those things come from, how they are engaged with, and what it says about the way we consume media. This is a think piece, of sorts, with my brain being the main source. As such, we will spend some time down the memory lane of a fandom-focused millennial.

This is largely brought about by Good Omens. But it’s also not really about Good Omens at all.

Part one. Fanon.

The way we see characters in any story is always skewed by our very selves. This is a neutral statement, and it does not have a value judgement. It’s simply unavoidable. We recognise aspects of them, love aspects of them, and choose aspects of them to highlight based entirely on our own vision of the universe. 

Recognition comes into this. There is a reason so many protagonists of romance novels have a “blank slate” problem. Even when they do not, we love characters who are like us or versions of us that we would like to be. And when we say “we”, I also mean, “me”. 

(I remember very clearly this realisation hit me after a whole season of Doctor Who with writing which I hated utterly when I questioned why I still clung so incredibly hard to Clara Oswald as my favourite companion. Then I looked at myself in the mirror, with my medium-length dark hair, opaque tights, boots, and leather jacket, with spunk and carelessness to the point of recklessness. Oh. Well. That would do it, wouldn’t it?)

Then, there is projection, and, again, this is a neutral statement. Projection exists, and it is completely normal and, dare I say it, valid way of engaging with — well, anything. Is the character queer? Trans? Neurodivergent? Are they in love? Do they like chocolate? Are they a cat person? Well, yes, if this is what the text says, but if the text does not say anything… You tell me. Please, do tell me. Because, in that moment of projection, they are yours. 

And then, there is fandom osmosis, and that is the most fascinating one of them all, the one that is not very easy to note while you are inside the echo chamber. It’s the way we collectively, consciously or not, make decisions on who or what the characters are, what their relationships are, and what happens to them.  

(Back when I was writing egregiously long Guardian recaps on this blog I actually asked if Shen Wei’s power being learning actually was stated anywhere in the canon of the show. Because I had no idea. I have read and reread dozen of fanfics where that is the case, and at some point through enough repetition, it became reality.)

We are all kind of making our own reality here, aren’t we? 

Back when things were happening in a much less centralised manner - in closed livejournal groups, and forums of all shapes and sizes - I don’t remember there being quite as much universally agreed upon fanon. Frankly, I don’t remember much of universally agreed upon anything. But now, everything is in one place: we have this, and we have AO3, and it’s wonderful, it really is so much easier to navigate, but it’s also one gigantic reality-shifting echo chamber, with blogs, reblogs, trends, and rituals. 

Accessibility plays its part, too. If you were, say, in Life on Mars (UK) fandom between seasons, and you wanted to post your speculation fic, you had to have had an account, and then find and gain access to one of the bigger groups (lifein1973 was my poison, but ymmv), and then, if you feel brave you may post it, but also, you may want to do so from your alt account if you wanted to keep yours separate, and then you would have to go through the whole process again. And I’m not saying that fan creations then were somehow inherently better for it than fan creations now (although Life on Mars Hiatus Era is perhaps a bad example - because some of the Speculation Fic there was breathtaking), but there is something to say about the ease of access that made the fandoms go through a big bang of sorts.

(I mean, come on, I can just come here and post this - and I am certain people will read it, and this blog is a pandemic coping baby about Chinese television dramas for goodness sake.)

The canon transformations that happen in the fandom echo chamber truly are fascinating to witness as someone who is more or less a fandom butterfly. I get into something, float around for a bit, then get into something else and move on. I might come back eventually when the need arises, but I don’t sustain a hiatus mind-state. This means that when I float away and return, I find some very intriguing stuff.

Let’s actually look at Good Omens here. Season two aired, and I found it spectacular in its cosy and anguished way; deliberately and intelligently fanfic-y in its plot building; simple but subversive, and so very tender. (I will have to circle back to this eventually, because, truly, I love how deliberately it takes the tropes and shatters them - it’s glorious). And, to me - a person who read the book, watched the first season, hung around AO3 for a few weeks and moved on - absolutely on-point in terms of characterisation. 

So imagine my surprise when the fandom disagreed so vehemently that there are actual multi-tiered theories on how characters were not in possession of their senses. Nothing there, in my mind, ever contradicted any of the stated text, as it stood. This remained a strange little mystery until I did what I always do when I flutter close to an ongoing fandom.

I loaded AO3 and sorted the existing fic by popularity. And there it was, all there: the actual earth-shattering mutual devotion of the angel and the demon; willingness to Fall; openness and long heart-aching confession speeches. There was all of the fanon surrounding Aziraphale and Crowley, which, to me, read as out of character, and to one for whom they became the reality over the last four years, read as truth. 

Again, only neutral statements here. This is not a bad thing, and neither this is a good thing, this is just something that happens, after a while, especially when there are years for the fandom-born ideas to bounce around and stew. I can’t help but think that so much of what we see as real in spaces such as this one is a chimaera of the actual source and all the collective fan additions which had time and space to grow, change, develop, and inspire, reverberating over and over again, until the echoes fill the entirety of the space. 

Eventually, this chimaera becomes a reality. 

Part two. Microanalysis 

Here are my two suppositions on the matter:

1. Some writers really love breadcrumb storytelling. 

Russel T Davies, for instance, on his run of Doctor Who (and, if you are reading it much later - I do mean the original one), loved that technique for his seasonal arcs. What is a Bad Wolf? Who is Harold Saxon? Well, you can watch very very carefully, make a theory, and see it proven right or wrong by the end of the season. 

Naturally, mystery box writers are all about breadcrumb storytelling: your Losts and your Westworlds are all about giving you snippets to get your brain firing, almost challenging you to figure things out just ahead of the reveal. 

2. We, as humans, love breadcrumbs.

And why wouldn’t we? Breadcrumbs are delicious. They are, however, a seasoning, or a coating. They are not the meal. 

Too much metaphor?

Let’s unpack it and start from the beginning.

Pattern recognition colours every aspect of our lives, and it colours the way we view art to a great extent. I think we truly underestimate how much it’s influenced by our lived experiences.

If you are, broadly speaking, living somewhere in Western/North-Western Europe in the 14th century, and you see a painting in which there is a very very large figure surrounded by some smaller figures and holding really tiny figures, you may know absolutely nothing about who those figures are, but you know that the big figure is the Important One, and the small ones are Less Important Ones, and the tiny ones are In Their Care. You know where your reverence would lie, looking at this picture. And, I imagine, as someone living in the 14th century, you may be inspired to a sense of awe looking at this composition, because in the world you live in, this is how art works. 

If you, on the other hand, watch a piece of recorded media and see the eyes of two characters meet as the violins swell, you know what you are being told at that moment. You don’t have to have a film degree to feel a sort of way when you see a green-tinged pallet used, when cross-cuts use juxtaposing images, or notice where your focus is pulled in any given shot. This stuff - this recognition of patterns - has been trained into us by the simple fact that we live in this time, on this planet, and we have been doing so long enough to have engaged recorded media for a period of time. 

As humans, we notice things. Our brains flare up when they see something they recognise, and then we seek to find other similar details and form a bigger picture. This often happens unconsciously, but sometimes it does not. Sometimes we do it on purpose: finding breadcrumbs in stories is a little bit like solving a mystery. It allows us to stretch that brain muscle that puts two and two together. It makes us feel clever. 

So yes, we love breadcrumbs, and, frankly, quite a lot of storytelling takes advantage of this. It’s very useful for foreshadowing, creating thematic coherence, or introducing narrative parallels and complexity. It’s useful for nudging the viewer into one or the other emotional direction, or to cue them into what will happen in the next moment, or what exactly is the one important detail they should pay attention to.

Because this is something media does intentionally, and something we pick up both consciously and not, it is very hard to know when to stop. We don't really ever know when all of the breadcrumbs have been collected. It becomes very easy to get carried away. There is a very specific kind of pleasure in digging into content frame by frame, soundbite by soundbite, chasing that pleasure of finding. 

But it is almost never breadcrumbs all the way down. They are techniques to help us focus on the main event: the story. I truly believe those who make media want to make it reach the widest possible audience, and that includes all of us who like to watch every single thing ever created with our Media Analysis Goggles on and those who are just here to enjoy the twists and turns of the story at the pace offered to them. And I think, sometimes in our chase to collect and understand every little clue we forget that media is not made to just cater for us.

One can call it missing a forest for the trees. But I would hate to mix my metaphors, so let’s call it missing a schnitzel for the breadcrumbs. 

Part three. The Conspiracy Brain. 

If you are there with me, in the midst of the excited frenzy, chasing after all those delicious breadcrumbs, then patterns can grow, merge together, and become all-encompassing theories. Let’s call them conspiracy theories, even though this is not what they truly are.

So, why do we believe in conspiracy theories?

One, Because We Have Been Lied To. 

All conspiracies start with distrust.

If you are in fandom spaces - especially if you are in fandom spaces which revolve around a queer fictional couple - especially-especially if you have been in such spaces for a period of time, you have most certainly been lied to at one point or another. 

We don’t even have to talk about Sherlock - and let’s not do that - but do you remember Merlin? Because I remember Merlin. Specifically, I remember the publicity surrounding the first season, with its weaponised usage of “bromance” and assertions that this whole thing is a love story of sorts, and then the daunting realisation that this was all a stunt, deliberately orchestrated to gather viewership. 

And, because we were lied to in such a deliberate manner for such an extensive period of time, I genuinely believe that it forever altered our pattern recognition habits, because what was this if not encouragement to read into things? Now we are trained to read between the lines or see little cries for help where they might not be. Because we were told, over and over again, that we should.

(Yes, I think we are all existing in these spaces coloured by the trauma of queer-bating. I am, however, looking forward to a world where I can unlearn all of that.)

Two, Cognitive Dissonance.

The chain reaction works a bit like this: the world is wrong - it can’t possibly be wrong by coincidence - this must be on purpose - someone is responsible for it.

Being Lied To is a preamble, but cognitive dissonance is where it all originates. In so many cross-fandom theories I have noticed a four-step process:

A) this is not good

B) this author could not have made a mistake 

C) this must be done on purpose

D) here is why 

(Funny thing is, I have been on the receiving end of the small conspiracy spiral, and it is a very interesting experience. Not relevant to this conversation is the fact that a lot of my job revolves around storytelling. What is relevant is that my hobbies also revolve around storytelling. And one of them is DnD. Now, imagine my genuine shock when one of the players I am currently writing a campaign for noticed a small detail that did not make a logical sense within the complexity of the world, and latched on to it as something clearly indicating some kind of a secret subplot. Their thinking process also went a bit like this: this detail is not a good piece of writing — this DM knows how to tell stories well — this is obviously there on purpose. It was not there on purpose. I created a clumsy shorthand. I erred, in that pesky manner humans tend to. And, seeing this entire thought process recited to me directly in the moment, I felt somewhere between flattered and mortified.)

This whole line of thinking, I think, exists on a knife’s edge between veneration and brutal criticism, relentlessly dissecting everything “wrong”, with a reverent “but this is deliberate” attached to it like a vice, because it is preferable to a simple conclusion that the author let you down, in one way or another. 

Three, Intentionality 

I believe that there is no right or wrong way of engaging with stories, regardless of their medium, and assuming no one gets hurt in the process. While in a strictly academic way, there is a “correct” way of reading (and reading into) media, we here are largely not academics but consumers; consumption is subjective.

However, this all changes when intentionality is ascribed. 

The one I find particularly fascinating is the intentionality of “making it bad on purpose” because, as open-minded as I intend to always be, this just does not happen.

It certainly does not happen in long-form media. Even in the bread-crumb mystery box-type long-form media. 

When television programs underdeliver, they also underperform, and then they get cancelled.

If all the elements of Westworld Season 4 that did not sit together in a completely satisfactory way were written deliberately as some sort of deconstruction for the final season to explore, then it failed because that final season will now never come.

(There will likely never be a Secret Fourth Episode.)

And look, I am not here to refute your theories. Creativity is fun, and theorising is fantastic. 

But, perhaps, when the line of thought ventures into the “bad on purpose” territory, it could be recognised for what it is: disappointment and optimism, attempting to coexist in a single space. And I relate to that, I do, and I am sorry that there is even a need for this line of thinking. It’s always so incredibly disappointing that a creator you believed to be devoid of flaws makes something that does not hit in the way you hoped it would. It’s pretty heartbreaking. 

Unfortunately, people make mistakes. We are all fallible that way. 

Four, Wildfire.

Then, when the crumbs are found, a theory is crafted, and intentionality is ascribed, all that needs to happen is for it to catch on. And hey, what better place for it than this massive hollow funnel that we exist in, where thoughts, ideas and interpretations reverberate so much they become inextricable from the source material in collective contagiousness. 

Conspiracy theories create alternate realities, very much like we all do here. 

So where are we now?

I am not here to tell you what is right and what is wrong; what is true, and what is not. We are all entitled to engage with anything we wish, in whichever way we wish to do it. This is not it, at all. 

All I am saying is… listen.

Do you hear that echo? 

I do. 

~✧°+* 42/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

14.09.2023

After having finally finished Swimming in the Dark a started a whopping two (2) books today! Kind of on accident, actually...

I've had Ariadne sitting on my shelf at my parents' for forever now and since I wasn't feeling in the mood for the spooky classics I had set out for September I decided to start that one instead. I love studying religious history, especially ancient Greek and Roman cults and religious practices. The way religion was so intricately woven into all parts of daily life is extremely fascinating to me, and the myths (and mythology retellings in turn) really reflect that! I haven't made much progress on Ariadne yet, but I'm excited to read on.

After having started book number one in the morning I promptly forgot it at home once I headed out to pick up my siblings from school. So I did the only logical thing to do and bought a new book to read during the wait :) The cover of Where the Crawdads Sing has been speaking to me for a while now. The plot isn't really in line with what I usually read but, hey, it got a map in the front and my fantasy loving brain is wired to that stuff. In the end I ended up not having much time to read, so I only got through the Prologue, but I like the writing style so far.

Positive things I did that day:

ran errands

got paperwork done

visited family

read

Hours slept: ~ 8hrs 30mins Screentime: ~7hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~5.700

~✧°+* 41/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

13.09.2023

I had one of the most stressful e-mail exchanges ever today. It was with a professor of mine (the dean of the English department and therefore also technically my boss) and it was... a truly surreal experience. It was basically just both of us trying to be as polite as possible which, in the end, lead us to basically get nowhere with that conversation. It was so strange it was funny, but I hope something like that never happens to me again :')

Other than that my day was mainly filled with chores. Sadly, I still haven't managed to fully get back to my academic tasks. I want to but I just can't concentrate. On Sunday I'll be going back to my appartment and things should improve from there! Next weekend will also be super packed (more birthdays and plans with friends), which gives me a nice, gentle personal deadline.

Positive things I did that day:

did two loads of laundry

went grocery shopping

fed the pets

cooked lunch for the family

started doing some paper work

watched 2 episodes of the Netflix show Liebes Kind (very good so far!)

Hours slept: ~ 8hrs 30mins Screentime: ~7hrs Steps taken: ~1.000

~✧°+* 40/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

12.09.2023

While my sister started school again yesterday, my brother only started again today. Obviously, I am just as proud of him as I am of my sister! He also graduated earlier this summer but will continue to go to school for 3 more years in order to get his Abitur (secondary school diploma which enables you to go to university in Germany). He's actually going to my old school now, which I am probably more excited about than he is!

Because it was the first day I drove him to school and because it was only 3 hours long I killed some time in the city before picking him up again. I got breakfast and then did some shopping. I also managed to finally finish Swimming in the Dark! I really loved the novel. It's close to a 5 star read for me (and might have been a definite 5 star if it hadn't taken me this long to finish it). I'll definitely keep an eye on Tomasz Jedrowski for any future releases. His way with words, his prose, was one of the best things about the story in my opinion. Maybe I'll also get a German edition of the book to check out the translation.

Positive things I did today:

went out for breakfast

did some shopping

finished Swimming in the Dark

went grocery shopping

prepared lunch for the next day

Hours slept: ~ 6hrs 30mins Screentime: ~6hr 30mins Steps taken: ~7.800

Ah, the good old taxi driver. I get that one so frequently as well, especially since I dropped out of the teacher-trainee program in favor of a "regular" BA in English. Wether it's linguistics or literature, people struggle immensely with understanding what language might possibly be good for and how anyone might be able to monetize it. (I hate that everything is always about money)

visited a museum today that shows you how blind people navigate through their everyday lives (very interesting btw) and this one lady wanted to know what i'm studying so when i told her linguistics, she honest to god said "what can you do with that except become a taxi driver" 🤡 idk maybe work on those text-to-speech systems that we just learnt about?? yk for blind people??

~✧°+* 39/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

11.09.2023

My younger sister started school again today! She graduated earlier this summer and is now starting vocational training. I am super proud of her! She has some health issues that affected/affect her development and because of that many doctors predicted that she wouldn't ever be able to get to where she is now. Despite all that she worked hard and got far because of it. She'll have to keep working hard and it won't always be easy for her, but I believe that she's going to accomplish great things <3

I also did some self reflecting those past days. My mental health declined a little bit ever since I arrived at my parents'. I'm pretty sure it's mainly stress and the change of environment that is messing with me, but I do believe that my diet is playing a part as well. My family eats a lot of processed food as well as a lot of animal products. When I moved out last year I changed my diet quite drastically. I don't eat animal products often anymore and rarely buy candy and so on because I know I tend to over-eat on things like that. Now that I'm surrounded my all those foods again I gotta make more of an effort to watch what I'm eating. I really hope that'll help.

Positive things I did that day:

started research for my big essay again

continued looking for internships

got some work done for my job at the university

watched Breaking Dawn part 2

Hours slept: ~9hrs Screentime: ~6hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~600

~✧°+* 38/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

10.09.2023

Today I went on a hike with my family! It wasn't very far of very challenging, and we actually weren't out for that long, but I really enjoy traversing the woods of the area I grew up in. Perhaps I should make an effort to do that on my own in the future.

My siblings and I also fed some deer at the enclosure near the trail.

Also, congratulations to my brother for shamelessly running ahead and ending up walking a harder, longer path because he didn't wait for us when the path split (don't worry, he's alright and was keeping us updated via WhatsApp as this was happening).

Positive things I did that day:

went for a hike with family

got up and went to bed at reasonable times

Hours slept: ~6hrs Screentime: ~6hrs Steps taken: ~8.679

my whole life has been a play of obsessions and distractions. to be obsessed with something so it distracts me from the reality, to find another distraction cuz the obsession is destroying me.

~✧°+* 37/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

09.09.2023

Another day for recharging.

I'll try to get back into studying and being productive on monday. My siblings start school again next week which goves me a reason to get up and get out of the house in the morning.

Positive things I did that day:

did the laundry

watched Breaking Dawn part 1

Hours slept: ~8hrs 30mins Screentime: ~8hrs Steps taken: ~500

~✧°+* 36/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

08.09.2023

The post social gathering burn out is real. So amidst helping my mom prepare for my siblings' party with their friends (yesterday was just for family) I just focused on recharging and not being sad.

Positive things I did this day:

did the laundry

helped out my mom

watched Eclipse

Hours slept: ~8hrs Screentime: ~8hrs Steps taken: ~1.500

~✧°+* 35/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

07.09.2023

(this post was written several days in retrospect)

Birthday time!

My siblings turned 17. this year and every time I think about that I am reminded of my own mortality.

Things I did this day:

celebrated my siblings' birthday

spent time with family

helped attend guests

Hours slept: ~6hrs Screentime: ~7hrs 15mins Steps taken: ~1.500

~✧°+* 34/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

06.09.2023

(this post was written several days in retrospect)

This is the day birthday preperations really kicked in, so a lot of cleaning was done.

I also attempted to be productive in the morning and looked for internships. I have to do one mandatory, 8 week long internship as part of my undergrad programm and it's the main thing holding me back from finishing my BA. I innitially wanted to do the internship around this time but wasn't able to find a spot, so I'm pushing it (and writing my thesis) back a whole semester.

Positive things I did today:

helped clean

looked for internships

Hours slept:  ~8hrs 30mins Screentime: ~9hrs 15mins Steps taken: ~700

~✧°+* 33/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

05.09.2023

(this post is written several days in retrospect)

Whenever I visit my family for longer periods of time it's usually around bigger events. Christmas, Easter, birthdays. This time around it's my sibling's birthday and an air of planning, organizing and setting things up in advance controls my day. In all actuality, it has more of an indirect effect on me. I think what I'm experiencing is called waiting mode? This state your in when you have something planned later in the day and can't do anything in the morning because of it. That's what I'm going through at the moment, just that what I'm wating for is days ahead.

Positive things I did today:

put some things up on ebay

did the laundry

Hours slept:  ~9hrs Screentime: ~6hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~700

a lot of anti-historian stuff comes across like “i want history to be simple and i am suspicious of people who tell me it’s not” and this is a thing you see from people on any place on the political spectrum

a lot of anti-historian stuff comes across like “i want history to be simple and i am suspicious of people who tell me it’s not” and this is a thing you see from people on any place on the political spectrum

I think its very academia to say Fuck Capitalism.

If it wasn’t for the capitalization and privatization of education and reading, we would probably all be eternal students.

So yeah, fuck capitalism!

before i go to sleep,

languages include sign languages. Personally, I'm multilingual with 2-3 mother tongues of equal ability and usage and my dreams have no language beyond facial expressions and gestures.

~✧°+* 32/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

04.09.2023

I went to the doctor's today to get some new meds because the ones I've been taking weren't doing the job. So now I'm on antibiotics and I really hope that'll finally do the trick.

Because I'm still not feeling too great I took it slow again today. I got some more paperwork done in the morning and made a to-do list of what I have to get done within the next week or so. Sometimes I feel bad if all I do in a day is planning, but I always try to remember that planning your tasks takes a huge mental load off of you. Taking a whole day to plan things out is still productive.

The second half of my day has been taken up by great media again. I played some more Lakeburg Legacies and I'm loving it (even though I think I'm failing at it pretty hard). I also managed to get some pages of Swimming in the Dark in. I'm nearly done, only got like 25 pages left. I wanted that book to be my summer read but I had such a dip in energy in late August I just didn't get around to it. But I guess finishing it in early Seprember might still count as a summer read. I wraped the day up by watching New Moon. Probably my least favourite movie from the Twilight-saga, but what can I say? It's the season for Twilight. Also the soundtracks of these movies are so good it's criminal.

Despite having been sick the past couple of days it still feels like I'm managing to be myself more again. I'm very relieved about that. It's weird to explain, but I'm way more interested in doing things I love again, especially writing. Maybe I'll try to do some of that tomorrow. This might also be the perfect opportunity to give my diary some love again. I started it at the beginning of the year but only used it a couple of times...

Positive things I did today:

got paper work done

went to the doctor's office and got new meds

planned tasks

did things I love

Hours slept:  ~9hrs 30mins Screentime: ~4hrs Steps taken: ~600

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

~✧°+* 31/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

03.09.2023

Some people are Gilmore Girls people as soon as autumn hits and some people are Twilight people. I am 100% a Twilight person, absolutely unapologetically.

Positve things I did today:

did some admin work

played some video games

looked for apartments

Hours slept:  ~8hrs 45mins Screentime: ~5hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~500

~✧°+* 30/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

02.09.2023

It's Simba's birthday!!

The girl, the queen, the goddess turned 6 today! She greatly enjoyed her birthday egg.

Other than that, it was a very slow day. Did some paperwork and organizational stuff.

I also finally got Lakeburg Legacies!! I've been waiting for this game for forever. I came out a few months ago but I finally had the funds to afford it now :D

Positive things I did today:

did the laundry

cooked dinner

played a boardgame with my siblings

did some admin work

Hours slept:  ~8hrs 30mins Screentime: ~6hrs 45mins Steps taken: ~500

~✧°+* 28 & 29/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

31.08.2023 & 01.09.2023

The essay is done! I handed it in Thursday night and while it for sure wasn't my best work (the first 5 pages were alright, then it went downhill a lot) I am glad to have it off my desk. I don't care too mugh about the grade either, or at least I'm trying not to. It's for a module in which I already have one very good grade and the Hamilton grade will just be added on. So even if I don't do well, the final module grade should turn out alright.

Taking my meds again also helped getting being sick back in check. I'm not feeling great yet, but we are getting there! Nothing comparable to two days ago.

On Friday I didn't do much. I played Sims (got the new Sims 4 Growing Together expansion, which I really enjoy) and spent some time with family. I'll be taking the weekend off and get back to studying on Monday!

I also got the worst haircut I've had in years. I was really bummed about it, but I'm hoping it'll grow on me with time.

Positive things I did these past days:

finished the Hamilton essay

spent time with family

got a haircut

rested

Hours slept:  ~7hrs 45mins & ~7hrs Screentime: ~3hrs 15mins & ~7hrs Steps taken: ~600 & ~1.200

~✧°+* 27/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

30.08.2023

I felt a lot better and stopped taking my meds early. That came to bite me in the butt in the evening, so we're back to the meds :')

I did manage to go on a little walk tho! Motivating myself to go for walks is a lot harder whenever I visit my parents because my home town is located in a very hilly area. The city I live in now is mostly flat (also because it's, well, a city and not a small town) and so simply going out (and staying out longer) is, for some reason, easier to justify in my mind. I do, however, love the nature surrounding my home town, so walks are usually worth the exhaustion.

Positive things I did today:

finished literature review for the Hamilton essay and made a writing plan

went for a walk

Hours slept:  ~8hrs Screentime: ~6hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~4.400

~✧°+* 26/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

(first and last screenshot from: 虎狼来 (Kororon) - Eve Music Video)

29.08.2023

Feeling a lot better today! Meds helped a bunch, but they made me quite sleepy during the first half of the day. Because of that, I only really managed to be productive towards the evening. Regardless, I got a decent amount of work done. My Hamilton essay is due on Thursday. I'm planning on wrapping up my literature review tomorrow and then writing it all (minus the introduction, I got that done already) on Thursday!

Positive Things I did today:

continued working on the Hamilton essay

cooked lunch for my family

spent quality time with my siblings

Hours slept:  ~9hrs Screentime: ~4hrs Steps taken: ~500 (note for self: go on a walk tomorrow)

~✧°+* 25/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

28.08.2023

I'm thankfully starting to find a good balance between work, chores and free time again and I'm actually making slow but steady progress on my assignments. The only problems whenever I stay at my parents house are that I don't sleep or eat as well as I do at my place. But I'll try to fix that somehow.

Positive things I did today:

did the laundry

went grocery shopping

worked on literature Review for my Hamilton essay

Hours slept:  ~10hrs Screentime: ~4hrs Steps taken: ~800

~✧°+* 24/100 days of doing better*+°✧~

27.08.2023

In the context of this challange I'd like to forget about the past four days in their entirety.

I haven't necessarily been feeling bad, but I was in a constant state of stress and overstimmulation that didn't allow me to function normally, like... at all.

Today I arrived at my parents'. I'll be staying with family until mid September. I have a few things planned, like my siblings' birthday party and a DnD session with friends, though fo the most part I'll be focusing on finishing my assignments and finding a rhythm again. I honestly think that not being around people (other than my family) will do me good.

Positive things I did today:

cleaned my apartment

did laundry

Hours slept: ~9hrs 30mins Screentime: ~3hrs 30mins Steps taken: ~600

Writing Tips

Punctuating Dialogue

✧

➸ “This is a sentence.”

➸ “This is a sentence with a dialogue tag at the end,” she said.

➸ “This,” he said, “is a sentence split by a dialogue tag.”

➸ “This is a sentence,” she said. “This is a new sentence. New sentences are capitalized.”

➸ “This is a sentence followed by an action.” He stood. “They are separate sentences because he did not speak by standing.”

➸ She said, “Use a comma to introduce dialogue. The quote is capitalized when the dialogue tag is at the beginning.”

➸ “Use a comma when a dialogue tag follows a quote,” he said.

“Unless there is a question mark?” she asked.

“Or an exclamation point!” he answered. “The dialogue tag still remains uncapitalized because it’s not truly the end of the sentence.”

➸ “Periods and commas should be inside closing quotations.”

➸ “Hey!” she shouted, “Sometimes exclamation points are inside quotations.”

However, if it’s not dialogue exclamation points can also be “outside”!

➸ “Does this apply to question marks too?” he asked.

If it’s not dialogue, can question marks be “outside”? (Yes, they can.)

➸ “This applies to dashes too. Inside quotations dashes typically express—“

“Interruption” — but there are situations dashes may be outside.

➸ “You’ll notice that exclamation marks, question marks, and dashes do not have a comma after them. Ellipses don’t have a comma after them either…” she said.

➸ “My teacher said, ‘Use single quotation marks when quoting within dialogue.’”

➸ “Use paragraph breaks to indicate a new speaker,” he said.

“The readers will know it’s someone else speaking.”

➸ “If it’s the same speaker but different paragraph, keep the closing quotation off.

“This shows it’s the same character continuing to speak.”