More and more couples are experimenting with having an open relationship - basically, a relationship where each partner is allowed to have other sexual partners outside the relationship. Open relationships are different from polyamorous relationships; typically, in an open relationship, the couple remains emotionally committed to each other and only allows sexual, non-romantic relationships outside of that couple. Open relationships can be a means to cope with long distance, avoid boredom, or just add some variety to your sex life. They work well for some people, but they do require extra communication if they’re going to work. If you and your partner are thinking about opening up your relationship, there are some important questions that the two of you need to discuss first. Namely:
Are both of you equally on board with opening the relationship? Or does one partner feel pressured into agreeing with it because they don’t want to lose the relationship? It’s okay if you’re both nervous or hesitant, but if one person is on board and the other one isn’t, that’s a recipe for disaster.
What are you hoping to get out of an open relationship? Why is this arrangement better for you? It’s okay if you both have different answers, but you should both be getting some benefit out of this. Neither of you should feel like you’re only tolerating this for your partner’s sake.
How much do you want to know about each other’s hookups? Do you have to notify your partner in advance when you’re going to hook up with someone? Do they want to hear the details? Or would they prefer not to know anything about it at all?
Are you allowed to hook up with people your partner knows, and vice versa? Are mutual friends off the table? Are you allowed to hook up with casual acquaintances, or people within your social circles? Or total strangers only?
Is your partner allowed to “veto” certain people that you might hook up with, and vice versa? Are there any potential hookups that are totally off the table? Do you have to give your partner a chance to veto a hookup beforehand?
Are you allowed to see the same person repeatedly outside of the relationship? Or is there a one-night-stand only rule?
Are you allowed to hook up with people within the same zip code? Some open arrangements only allow for hookups when one partner goes out of town.
How are you going to make sure that you’re both being safe and avoiding disease? Are condoms mandatory? Will you both agree to get tested regularly? The answer to both questions should be yes, but it’s important that you both understand how important it is.
What happens if one of you develops feelings for someone else? Do you have to tell your partner about it? Or just stop seeing the other person?
Is there an end date to the open relationship? Are you only open when you’re apart? Are you going to test this out for a “trial period” and then reassess if you like it? Are you going to continue to be open if/when you move in together, get married or have children?
What happens if one person wants to close the relationship? Does one person wanting to close the relationship mean it’s closed? Or do you both have to agree before that happens?
Are you going to tell people that you’re in an open relationship? How? Are there certain people that you aren’t going to tell, like parents or grandparents?
Are you going to be okay if your partner has an easy time finding partners and you don’t? Or vice versa? Many people opening up their relationships assume that both partners will have an equally easy time finding people to hook up with, and this is definitely not always the case.
This seems like a lot of questions and a lot of logistics, but the more you communicate beforehand, and the clearer your boundaries and ground rules are, the more likely you are to have a successful open relationship. An open relationship is supposed to be fun, but that’s not possible if one or both of you is wallowing in hurt feelings. Communicate your needs openly, and don’t be afraid to speak up if there’s a line you absolutely don’t want crossed.
Thanks for sharing this great advice!
Many ask how to begin living this lifestyle; often, how to convince the wife. My answer is always the same: don’t.
I want to use the perfect words I found online time ago (here http://bit.ly/2wRyUEv , all credits due to the original poster):
When me & my long term girlfriend were thinking about this, both of us were incredibly turned on physically about it, but she just would not take the final step because of the emotional dangers. She said because we men can easily separate the physical & emotional we don’t understand that very few women can, and the same thing that makes them lust for a man in bed (which is what guys in this situation want) is the same thing that makes her become emotionally attached to him.
My partner’s last words on the subject were ‘if we go through with this, you will lose me emotionally, and once you’ve lost me emotionally, the physical won’t be far behind, and then it will be the beginning of the end.’
This is so very true.
Over the years, I witnessed so many times the same pattern. Of all the other couples we met living the lifestyle, from cuckolds to hotwives, every possible variation on the theme, I can say ALL split. All but one: the one where both partners were already living the style before meeting.
All the couples that began experimenting together, eventually broke up. The change in the bond between them, which silently grows over time, in the end destroyed them as a couple.
The woman feels less and less 'bound’ to her man, and she usually starts feeling emotions for someone else. It’s almost like breaking the physical limitation opens a breach in her emotions.
The man is pulled towards a spiral of personal fantasies, growing detached not only from his woman, but from her desires and wishes. In divergent directions, he usually loses the capacity to listen to her, and he doesn’t ultimately notice that she’s slowly slipping away.
So, here’s my advice. If it’s a shared fantasy, something both partners were willing to try for a long time, you’ll find the way to try. Internet offers plenty of options. In all other cases, don’t ever try to convince her or him; in the end it will destroy her or him, and you as a couple.
This story is a little bit old. We never posted anything on the blog about this event when it first happened because we weren’t really sure how muchof our journey we wanted to chronicle but we’ve recently decided we want everything that can be on the blog to be on it. Its not quite as dirty as the last two either, but its a very important chapter to Amy and me. This was our very very first time of trying anything involving sharing and was the point when we knew it was something we definitely wanted to pursue.
Anyway, avid fans may remember around June Amelia and I disappeared for a few days. We went up to Edinburgh (Scotland for foreign followers) for a few days to celebrate our engagement. While we were there we had a guy from kik offer to meet up with us for drinks at some point during the holiday. Amy wasn’t too sure about this (bear in mind it was literally only a few months previously that I had told her about my fantasies) but I was up for it. After a bit of discussion we decided it was a good opportunity to meet someone new and we were under no obligation to actually do anything with him so we agreed to meet.
We met the guy in a pub and had a few drinks. Amelia was wearing a gorgeous corsetted top that showed off her big tits and neither me or the guy we met were able to keep our eyes off her cleavage! We all hit it off really well and had several drinks together. In fact we got on so well with him that, while he was off getting another drink, Amelia and I were disccusing what we should do with him. We really appreciated him making the effort to come meet with us and wanted to give him something to remember, so we decided Amelia would give him a goodbye kiss. I know that doesn’t sound ground breaking, but keep in mind, this would be the first guy Amy had kissed (that wasn’t me) for seven years and the first time I would see her with another man in any form.
Unfortunately he had to get the train home so we had to cut the party a little shorter than we would have liked. We walked him to the train station and said our goodbyes. Amy gave him a hug and, as he went to move away, pulled him in for what was, in my opinion, the perfect kiss. It was sudden enough that there was no way he could have expected it but lasted long enough for him to know it wasn’t an accident. Then we went out serperate ways. The walk back to our hotel was agonising for me. Just seeing her kiss the guy made me incredibly horny. I was full of energy and unable to stand still. I’m not sure I slept much that night because of the adrenaline!
The next day we decided we had enjoyed ourselves so much the night before that we asked him whether he wanted to meet up again that night as well. He agreed and we made plans to buy alcohol and bring it back to the hotel room this time. We made it clear to him that it wouldn’t go as far as sex but we left the possibility of other things happening open. We met at the same pub as the night before and had a drink there before heading back to the hotel.
Remember, this is the first time we had ever done anything like this, so we were both a little nervous. We knew we wanted something to happen but were a little lost as to how to initiate it so we came up with a bit of a plan. I would go to the bathroom leaving the two of them alone, wait a few minutes, then by the time I came out hopefully stuff would be happening.
The evening went on and we continued having a good time and a laugh. Finally, about an hour before the guy had to go get his train, I got a text from Amy saying simply, ‘Go to the bathroom’. I followed her instruction and waited for a few minutes full of nervous excitement. This was something I had wanted for a long time and it was surreal to me being so close to it. I listened at the door intently, desperately trying to hear what was happening. I could hear them talking but couldn’t make out what was being said. Eventually I had to just leave the bathroom, otherwise I’d have looked a little weird, so I pushed open the door to be greeted to the sight of Amelia making out with him!
She was sat on the edge of the bed, him in a chair next to it and she was proper making out with him. I had to stand in the doorway for a few minutes to take it all in. After a while he moved onto the bed next to her. He had a hand on one of her boobs while she sat on his lap but she grabbed his hand and moved it down between her legs so he could rub her through her tights!
“I saw that, Amelia, you fucking slut,” I said to her with a smile.
“You love it. And so does he,” she replied with cheeky smile before going back to making out with him. Well she definitely wasn’t wrong! I remember this bit vividly. It made me lightheaded and super horny watching her move another guys hand to her pussy!
They were so preoccupied Amy didn’t noticed me move behind her and undo her bra. She slipped it off and let him play with her tits a bit before straddling him on the bed. I got comfy on a chair nearby and watched as she undid his pants and played with his cock while his hands explored her entire body. She spent a bit of time licking his balls (which were really big and nice! Amy said she loved how big and full they were) and started sucking on his cock while he held her hair.
We all wanted to stay like that but we were quickly running out of time so the two of them had to tear themselves away from each other. There was enough time for us to finish our drinks and for Amelia to show us a sexy outfit she had brought up with her before we had to walk him to the station.
This one!
We left our room and they made out more in the lift. Then we walked to the station and they made out more on the platform. Once again we were both incredibly horny but we were forced to say our goodbyes and part ways. The guy said one of the guards watched him and Amy make out, then me walk away with my hand on her ass and gave us a funny look. Hahahahaha!
We still keep in contact with our friend and were very lucky to have found such a nice guy for our first time. I can’t imagine where we would be right now if the meeting had gone badly. It could have put us off the whole thing!
So, that was our very very first first time doing anything with another guy. And look where its led us! Amy and I are closer than I ever thought possible and we’re hurtling towards my ultimate fantasies coming true!
I just hope we’re able to meet our Scottish friend again so I can thank him for his kindness by letting him fuck the hell out of Amy! ;) - D
Hotwifing in media
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Great post, you were very patient and got your reward. Thanks for sharing your experience and your amazing wife ;-) congrats man.
How did you get her to start fucking other guys. Did you start with swapping first or threesomes? Did it take long to convince her and was she keen to continue after the first. Did she want the same guy or to try others? Sorry for all the questions but am very interested and envious of you.
It took a very long time. For years I talked about the fantasy of watching her fuck other guys- threesomes, gangbangs, etc. She would always get very hot in bed with these fantasies. Slowly talked her into swinging, which led to MFM threesomes, and then her just fucking guys while I was there, and then her fucking guys when I wasn’t there. It was a progression and it took about a decade to get where we are now. She did love fucking other guys, and at times she craves new cock, and other times her religious upbringing makes her feel guilty, so it comes and goes. She does prefer to have one guy at a time, that is a regular fuckbuddy, but she is open to having multiple play partners. Hope this helps.
Oregoncuckold
Interesting note
How come u guys don't get jealous? When I truly love and value someone I don't want to share them. And it'd offend me if my lover didn't love me enough to feel the same way.
Unfortunately that’s a hard question to answer. If you’re not a swinger it’s hard to explain how it feels. We were the same. People would tell us that it brought you closer together and made you love each other more. That was incomprehensible to us how watching someone else with your partner could possibly be a good thing. But we eventually found ourselves in that situation and they were right! Our bond got stronger! Our sex was better! It was a turn on watching each other give and receive pleasure! It’s progressed to a stage now that we swap partners and sleep with them in separate rooms for the night. Then we swap stories the next day and have amazing sex!
Going from average girlfriend or wife to hotwife requires a certain change in mindset. You have to get her to see her sexuality as something good, powerful and fun. It is often disastrous to bluntly ask a girlfriend or wife to cuck you because that could be jarring and confusing. Instead approach the lifestyle obliquely. Build her self confidence. Tinder offers a great opportunity and platform to make flirting fun and easy. Tell her you want to have some fun on Tinder by creating an “alternate ego” for her on Tinder. Buy her some sexy outfits and spend a Saturday at some interesting places taking photos for her profile. Once the account is set up the two of you can spend time scrolling through guys she finds attractive (just for fun) of course. This activity alone will stimulate your cuck clit and lead to hours of stroking
It won’t be long before she and other guys start matching and “chatting”. Take it slow. Make it a game. Use these results in your sex and masturbation fantasies together. When this stage loses its titillation she’ll be ready to take another step like meet one of the guys for a date. You can watch these dates from across the bar. After each date, meet her at home and pound her wet pussy as she tells you about her date.
As her confidence builds and she is secure that these fantasies are strengthening your love and sex life , she’ll be ready to take one of these dates home and suck his cock while you watch surreptitiously. Soon she’ll be wearing anklets and riding random hot cocks for you whenever you want her to (Practice tip #2 coming soon)😘
Defining things... naming is inherent to human nature; here a set of definitions worth to be shared in order to get a better understanding.
Swingers: Typically a couple in which both partners are allowed to engage in sexual activities with other men and women outside of their relationship, often referred to as “full swap.”
Hotwife: A wife who has her husband’s permission to engage in sexual activities with other men. Also the term used to describe the fantasy with the same scenario. In this relationship all extra marital activities are approved of by the husband. Trust, respect, and the couple’s love for each other are central to the relationship.
Cuckold: A man in a relationship with a woman who engages in sexual activities with other men and women outside of their relationship, usually with a level of cheating and or humiliation. -Cuckolding
Cuckoldress: The female half of a cuckold relationship. A woman who engages in sex with men other than her husband, usually imposing a level humiliation on her husband about her extra marital activities.
Vixen: One term used to describe a woman in a Hotwife relationship.
Stag: One term used to describe a strong male figure in a Hotwife relationship.
Cucky: A humiliating term used to describe a man in a cuckold relationship.
Bull: The name often given to a wife’s repeat lover in a hotwife or cuckold arrangement
Reclaim: A term used to describe the passionate sex couples often experience the first time they have sex after one of them has has sex with someone outside of their relationship.
Hall Pass: Often used to describe a onetime “free pass” given to one of the members in a relationship to enjoy one sexual encounter with a person outside of the relationship.
Half Open Marriage: Used to describe a relationship in which one member of the relationship has the other‘s permission to enjoy complete sexual freedom, while the one remains completely faithful.
Shared Wife: A wife whose husband “shares” her sexually with other men.
MFM: A three some involving two men and one woman. In this arrangement the men are straight and focus on the woman.
MMF: A three some involving two men and one woman in which the men are bi-sexual and engage in sexual activities with each other as well as the woman.
FMF: A three some involving two women and one man. In this arrangement the women are straight and focus on the man.
FFM: A three some involving two women and one man in which the women are bi-sexual and engage in sexual activities with each other as well as the man.
Humiliation: A sexual kink which usually involves the woman verbally abusing the man about his inadequacies and inability to satisfy her, most often because of his penis size or his lack of stamina.
Tease and Denial: One partner sexually teases and leads the other on, only to get them excited and then deny them sexual gratification.
Edging: Binging a person right to the edge of orgasm and then slowing or stopping sexual activities thus denying them the pleasure of orgasm.
Ruined Orgasm: Bringing a person right to the point of orgasm, and then stopping resulting in a weak orgasm. This is usually achieved through the use of oral sex or masturbation.
SPH: Small Penis Humiliation, verbal abuse used to humiliate a man about his lack of length and or girth.
Male Chastity: A kink in which the man is most often secured in a chastity device, referred to as a cock cage, and is denied the pleasures of sexual intercourse as well as masturbation. Couples who engage in this kink often try to push the boundaries of how long the man can go without sexual release. This fetish often includes a level of humiliation as well.
Cock Cage: A metal or plastic device which locks to secure the penis. It is used impede the man’s ability to masturbate as well as achieve a full erection without being release by his key holder.
Key Holder: Most often the wife of a man confined to a cock cage. The key holder has full authority over the man’s ability to and the frequency of orgasms allowed. Often the key holder will use time in the cock cage as a punishment for her dissatisfaction with something the man has said or done.
Pegging: Used to describe a fetish in which the female uses a sex toy or strap on to perform anal sex on her male partner.
Wife Breeding: A fetish in which the wife is involved in unprotected sex with men other than her husband. The men ejaculate in the wife, thus presenting the possibility of pregnancy by men other than the husband.
Clean Up: An activity in which the man cleans up a woman after she has had sex with another man. Most often this is done after a lover has ejaculated into the woman’s vagina and the woman’s partner performs oral sex on her licking up as much of the other man’s sperm as possible.
Sloppy Seconds: A term used to describe the act of having sex with a woman after she has already had sex with another man. Most often after the first man has ejaculated inside of the woman’s vagina creating a “sloppy” situation for the second man.
Size Queen: A woman who prefers man with very large penises. Often with minimum size requirements which must be met before she will engage in sexual intercourse with a man.
BBC: Big Black Cock, used to describe the oversized penis of a black man.
BWC: Big White Cock, used to describe the oversized penis of a white man.
Queen Of Spades: The name sometimes given to a white woman who prefers sex with black men, often with above average penises.
Interesting article It shows hotwifing as a growing tendence. Plus now it is something apearing in mainstream media.