It’s Crazy And Fucked Up That Being Yourself Is Actually The Solution.

26/08/2024

The time I didn’t spend doing EPQ today I spent thinking obsessively about EPQ and trying to plan what the next steps I need to take are.

Things achieved today:

I created a pretty solid outline for the discussion of my EPQ

I began doing a very rough first draft of my EPQ

Spent an hour doing some of a maths paper

Maths is proving to be something of a problem for me. I can do it - i know I can do it because I study hard for it and get some good grades - but me doing well relies hugely on my mindset. I really struggle to break out of the panic feeling when I can’t do a question, and everything spirals downwards from there.

Even when I am doing well though, I go so slowly that I always run out of time.

I think I just need to practice more so I’m faster and more confidant.

Things to do tomorrow:

More EPQ, basically

I’m back

I made one post on this blog then deleted tumblr because I was getting distracted from studying by the contents of my dash, so having the app was proving to be counterproductive.

I’m going to post about my study every day from now on.

My summer break is nearly over, so year 13 is about to begin! I aim to apply to Cambridge this October, so my time until then is going to be spent doing everything I can to improve my chances. Mainly - extracurricular activities, personal statement writing (kill me now), and studying for the ESAT whilst keeping on top of studies for my A-Levels.

31/08/2024

I continued doing my discussion today. It’s coming along slowly, but I think I’m doing okay. I should be able to meet my deadline for this Friday. I also finally went through that maths paper I’ve been meaning to look at for days. 84%!!!! I’m so happy :)

Things achieved today:

Done more EPQ

Marked and redid some questions for a maths paper.

Started another maths paper that needs to be handed into my teacher this week

My priority now needs to be to finish my EPQ discussion ASAP and to finish my summer work.

Things to do tomorrow:

As much EPQ as possible

More of the maths paper I started today

30/11/2024

I had a really good day today!! I got everything I had been aiming to do finished last night and this morning.

I revised from six until ten last night, went to sleep at eleven and slept until seven, then revised again from eight until twelve. I’ve honestly never been so productive in my life, I really don’t know where I got the motivation from because normally I can only do two hours in a row tops and never past eight in the evening.

Things achieved today:

Completed and marked the biology paper due next week (73%!! An A*)

Finished the required practical write up

Did the questions set on Friday

Wrote the 25 mark biology essay due next week (the one we were set was honestly so hard, it took me so long)

Made my notes on respiration for the test on Monday

My main aim for the next couple of weeks has to be preparing for my interview, so it’s good that I have done most of the homework I will have to hand in over the next 2 weeks.

Things to do tomorrow:

Revise for the respiration test on Monday

Take a long break because I’ve worked so much harder than usual that I now have a headache

26/09/2024

Spent a double period in a chemistry practical today. I read through the instructions obsessively before hand, but I was still struggling to do everything right. I cant process it for some reason.

Things achieved today:

Successfully completed the chemistry practical!!

Got my EPQ coordinator to read through it and she seemed very happy

Finished the first draft of my personal statement to hand in tomorrow

I am handing in my personal statement first draft to my form tutor tomorrow, so hopefully it is all okay :)

23/08/2024

I struggled a little today with keeping up my mood and motivation, but still got quite a bit done. I hit a low spot after lunch, but I went for a walk with my mum and talked it out, so I felt better and carried on.

Things achieved today:

Completed revision of AS inorganic/physical chemistry!!

Finished part of my biology summer work. I thought I had done and then realised there was lots more :/

Although I think I’ve done well today, I’m conscious that summer break is coming to an end and that I haven’t seen my friends very much, so tomorrow (on a non-academic note) I want to arrange to see some friends.

Things to do tomorrow:

Do some more biology summer work

Finish the stats/mechanics summer work

Start on the pure summer work

Create a list of weak areas in maths that need revision

28/10/2024

I am very happy with how I did today! I managed ~5 hours of revision today, which is what I need to be doing if I want good grades in my mocks later this week. I achieved all the goals I set myself yesterday!

Things achieved today:

Completed and marked my biology paper (65%, which is good but I aim to do better in the real thing).

Did some review questions for stats and mechanics, and I’ve improved on a few areas I was struggling with and have some questions for my teachers tomorrow.

Revised some biology content.

Though I’m happy with today’s progress, it has highlighted some areas I am not confident with, so I need to work on those in the next few days.

Things to do tomorrow:

Revise year 13 biology (energy transfers)

Revise and do questions for speciation, classification and selection

Go over some of the flash cards I’ve made over the past week

Mock countdown:

Biology: 4 days

Maths: 4 days

Chemistry: 3 days

21/08/2024

I went on a day out today so I didn’t get very much studying done. We went to a library for a few hours and I got part of my personal statement first draft done! I was so stressed about it and was worrying that I wouldn’t have anything to write about, but once I’d started it was a lot easier than I’d thought, and I knew what I wanted to write about. Also did a few hours of tennis and swimming, so the day was academically unproductive, but I’ve enjoyed myself :)

Things achieved today:

First draft of personal statement

A little bit of chemistry group 7 and redox revision

I should have more time to study tomorrow, which is good because school starts soon and I still have lots (lots 🥲) to do.

27/10/2024

I am absolutely tired of studying even though I haven’t done much today. The stress about mocks is starting to pile on, but am still procrastinating far too much. Still, I did do some studying and also played an hour of badminton.

Things achieved today:

Completed and marked a Chemsitry paper (78%!!)

Began a biology paper

Made some revision sheets on protein synthesis

I also started to look at plant biology but it is not my favourite and I couldn’t bring myself to do it :/

Overall not happy with the day but I have decided to believe in my ability to turn things around tomorrow.

Things to do Tomorrow:

Revise plant biology

Complete, correct and mark biology paper

Finish stats review exercise 1

Mock Countdown:

Chemistry: 4 days

Maths: 5 days

Biology: 5 days

Sorry to break it to you but you literally have to face your fears and slaughter them. Otherwise you will live a small life that you do not want. You literally have to view your biggest fears and attack them head on. You have to fall into the abyss to find your way out. The easy path does not exist. There is no get out of jail free card. You have to allow yourself to die a spiritual death over and over again in order to reinvent yourself into the person you are actually supposed to be. And you have to be painfully honest with yourself and the people around you. It’s horrible but it’s truly the only way.