Why Is Everything So Heavy And Why Do I Have To Feel So Fucking Hollow All The Time.

It finally clicked in my brain, that the reason you don't treat me like you treat others in your life, is because you love the others in your life. You love having them in your life. I've simply become the obligation you can't untangle yourself from.

One minute you’re recovering so well, feeling like life is worth living and you are worth loving. The next you are alone again, feeling 13 years old and harming yourself, reminded of why no one could ever like you in the first place. I fear I will always return back to that person…

bpd is so unbearably lonely. you never feel like anyone loves you because they only care about the sanitized idea of you, the one you made up so people don't abandon you again. as soon as your messy symptoms show, suddenly you're not nearly as loveable. having bpd is to spend your whole life trying desperately to make yourself more palatable

You know you’re fucked when……..you’ve accepted that your life will end by suicide, and you’re okay with it.

That is where I am right now.

At the end of the day, it's still you alone with your blades while the people who hurt you so much live peacefully

And you're here, on this fucking app, trying to find comfort in people at least as destroyed as you are

how unfair is that ?

I am a masterpiece of contradictions: too much and not enough, fragile and fierce, desperate for love but terrified of it

never being anyone’s best friend or the most important person in anyone’s life, ever, can really fuck you up emotionally

Theres nothing more disturbing than being self aware while you have severe mental illness. Like I’ll be breaking down, bleeding out, about to off myself and then remember that normal people don’t do this shit and any sane person would go to the damn hospital.

being suicidal at a funeral is the weirdest thing ever.

thoughts be like:

damn this is sad. they say all those nice things… would they do that for me too? who would come to my funeral anyways? what flowers would they bring? what would the speaker say i did in my life if i never really did anything. i dont want to see my grandma cry but damn i want to be dead so bad but what a bad person am i? its so selfish to want that!