One Thing I Refuse To Do, Is Force Anyone To See My Worth. I Don't Do That. I Do Not Even Try To Make

Impulsively gets loads of ear piercings...

so dreamy - new music to discover, always! new books to get lost in, so many books!! I have not met all the people who will love me!! ooh look a new favorite!! broadening horizons, perspective shifts!! ooh wait, floral perfumes aren't actually that bad, I just needed to find one that hit the spot!! look at all this beauty around me!!

I am a canvas and every moment a brush stroke!

i think about this very often to but to be alive is such a privilege. you can smell flowers, eat freshly baked cookies, lose yourself in the pages of a new book, listen to heartwarming music and read soul crushing poetry, meet kind and funny people, learn something new. i think the miracle is in waking up every day

Can we talk about pouring into your cup first thing in the morning?!

It doesn't matter if I'm running late, it doesn't matter if I woke up late, whether I snooze the alarm to the very last second, I have something that needs to be done- one thing I will do, is do something for me before anything(cue anybody) else.

I strive for at least 10 minutes and anything is game, morning yoga, meditation, affirmations, morning stretch- whatever it may be goes a long way into setting my day up.

This way even if the day gets away from me like they're fraught to- things come up, things take longer than you expected/planned for, you're tired at the end of the day- I got ahead of it!

You're worthy of love.

how many times have you heard this statement? do you believe you're worthy and deserving of love? well you are.

here's the kicker- YOU ARE LOVE!

you're looking for love outside you when at your core there's love? when your essence is pure love?

you don't believe me? take a moment to think about how you love your friends? another second to think about how you love your partner? or your pet? or your family? or your plants? you didn't even have to think about it, did you? you love deeply. you're full of love.

how much of that love do you give to yourself though? you're worthy and deserving of love from others but not from yourself, hmm?

you're out here desperately loving other people and there wouldn't be anything wrong with it if you poured into yourself first. take some of that love and pour into yourself.

I'll tell you why you're so hungry, why you're starving, why you're so thirsty. you have the love but you dare not take a bite. it's strictly for everyone else but YOU.

need I go on? this is your reminder to give some of that love to yourself.

It's all going to hurt. Just find what's worth the suffering or what's worth the pain and discomfort.

~my gut to me

What's it trying to teach me?

Tough love.

What comes to mind when you think of tough love? Maybe you've been lucky enough to have been tough-loved the right way. I on the other hand can't deny that it works, but at what cost? At what cost? How high is the price paid? Why can't we lovingly teach, mentor or lead?

If tough love is what I've known it to be up to this point, I want no more. I want no parts in it. All it's ever done is break my heart, shatter my spirit. For me it's been outright cruelty disguised as 'tough love', so excuse me while I get the hell away from it. It's harmed me more than it has helped me.

I needed tender, warm, soft love to bloom and flourish but they were more focused on giving me a spine of steel. They used a staff whereas I just needed a hand to hold. I see all the ways I might've turned out different. And I know, I know this might just be a life lie but you can't deny I would've turned out different. I think for the better, they thought for the worse.

All of that shit they did, that they explained away as 'tough love': 'we're only trying to help you, you'll see', 'we only want what's best for you', 'you'll appreciate this', 'we care because we love you' or 'we wouldn't do this if we didn't love you'. Tell me why 'this', why 'care', why 'love', why 'best' was abusive? Verbal, physical, emotional abuse. Tell me it wasn't manipulative?

Now anytime someone says, "tough love" to me, my breath hitches I tense up, readying myself for hurtful shit. And if I am this way, am I gonna be receptive to what they're gonna be saying or trying to get across? Is what they're referring to as tough love a guise for abuse and cruelty? Do they sound accusatory? What measures do they resort to? Do they believe that tough love is the only way there is?

And maybe, just maybe, sometimes we do need tough love. Just remember it isn't whatever that is, that leaves you questioning your existence; whatever that is, that breaks your spirit, hurts you, leaves you crying. And no, you can't tell me that someone who cares about you or your wellbeing doesn't have the capacity to not be cruel to you. Doesn't have the capacity to be firm but gentle with you, which is what tough love should be.

You know when you watch people doing something and they make it look so effortless? And it's so zen and so aesthetically pleasing? But when you try to do the same thing, following the exact same steps it's all fireworks and bombs going off, frustration, perspiration?!! Everything is just off, nowhere near zen 🤦🤦

Give yourself a fighting chance!

for so long I have fought myself, being an all or nothing girlie. I am a perfectionist and if I couldn't do it perfectly then guess what? it wasn't getting done and that was that.

fast-forward to now and I don't swing from one extreme to another. I have found things that help me. find ways to make whatever is holding you back work for you!

I don't let my perfectionism hold me back. if I see that I want to quit something because it's not going the way I want it to or it's not turning out exactly as I want it to- I have stopgaps in place instead of giving in to my tendencies.

if I have a goal, I will research and break it down to the nitty gritty. I will do all the due diligence. I will take it step by step. I would rather "waste my time" researching and planning, I would it takes me longer to achieve a goal thar could be achieved Ina lesser amount of time, I would rather feel like it's tedious at the beginning. but this is much better at ensuring I follow through. and taking a year to achieve a goal I could've achieved in 3 months is way better than quitting cold turkey and never finding out.

embracing my quirks gives me a fighting chance. embracing ≠ giving in to them

so instead of quitting or procrastinating because I want whatever to turn out perfect I 'perfect away'. I give myself a fighting chance.

I'm also trying to unlearn the conditioning and trying to change my beliefs around it. in the meantime I do the best I can.

What's better than discovering a new song or a new artist at the most opportune time? Like the universe granting you something to accompany you on whatever journey you're on then-- let's say you're falling in love, all giddy and you happen upon a love song or to my sad babies just finding a new song to be sad to right in the moment?!!

Have a friend that you genuinely love and you're always excited to tell all that's going on with/in your life? Relationships, work, new beginnings etc but you notice everytime you tell them whatever it was never works out?