Okayyy Slay! Surely You’re Almost Done With HS Though, I Would Be Outta There In A Flash!

https://www.tumblr.com/yearningandstillnotlearning/766482397711810560/i-literally-dress-like-wednesday-on-the-daily

heyy its me again! your wednesday 🔪

i literally wear my hair in braids so much recently but my hair has purple on the underside so it’s like a twist between the black & purple. i’ve also envolved into more of a femme style as well and it’s mostly black dresses i’ve realised. i’m about to go cut my hair to look like wednesday more so hehe

i love that you sport pink!! i bet it looks so cute on you <33

you’re adorbs omfg, you sound like you look cool as hell and i wanna see your hair now :0

i would also dye my hair but god is it tiring to keep up, thats why i dyed it back to black before school started💔 i also wanna be something different each day so that wouldn’t be too good to my hair

i’ve been recently realising that i’m bisexual, i need a cigarette and hard liquor for this

Literally

This is how that scene went right

ohh meeting you formally might just be the highlight of my day.

i’d like to thank 🍓 anon for revealing that my girl is into arts, by the way. as am i. i think that makes us even more of a perfect pair, don’t you think? maybe they can be our eugene haha.

oh? we’re already onto music, are we? i suppose you’ve got me dead on with those lyrics. i surely hope that you do not die first in a horror movie, my love, unfortunately that would turn me heartless and i’d have to hurt whoever hurt you back.

and perhaps, perhaps. that’s a fair point, i suppose it’s only right that you ask. would you want me any other way?

no eugene and no characters other than us, but yes i am an artsy girl and im pleased but not surprised that you are too!

in a horror film i’d assume you’d be the one to kill me if im being honest, but since your intentions seem to be shifted elsewhere then maybe ill live, maybe

and you seem to be hooked already, your stalker behaviour should appal me but it doesn’t, somehow. i am getting impatient though, not sure how much longer i can keep up the show on stage before i close the curtains. ill be waiting for you backstage. the show has an afterparty too, you wouldn’t wanna miss it!

the feeling runs in my veins like it knows those rivers better than my own blood

𝚃𝚘 𝚊 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐.

- B.E.

First request!!! Req by: @bilsluckyheart !! Thank you for your faith in me and i hope i didn’t disappoint <3

A/N: used one of my experiences and altered it some more!! Help!!

C/W: m*n mentioned, comphet implied, death mentioned (?), angst, hurt no comfort, no use of y/n, Billie referred to with her name instead of she once, hope i didn’t miss smt

Summary: You finally get a partner and as you said you didn’t care what they were like! You just wanted to not be alone. Is that what fulfils you? Is that what you expected to happen when you were finally “not alone?” Bet you didn’t expect to lose what you realised way too late was what you truly wanted there with you.

❀。 •*₊❀。 • *₊°。 ❀°· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · · ❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° ❀。 •

A man, a man supposedly being your boyfriend but you can’t seem to help that you see him as a best friend more than anything. Sex feels rather like a playtime-pass time than intimacy - what’s supposed to be dates instead is like going out with your dad’s friend instead of your lover - being with him feels more suffocating than it does to be utterly alone.

Sick worried about your sexuality and cravings, controlling to the core. You needn’t have cut her off, did you? You didn’t like her like that, right?

Or was it just you being in denial? Have you thought how obvious it is when others hear how you talk to her, your tone, your blabbering, clinging onto every little detail ever just for the sake of a never-ending conversation. How your eyes light up the entire milky way the moment she looks your way, gives you attention, answers your texts, you you you in her mind you wanted it to be you.

And he saw that as a threat, his very own misery being contagiously inflicted to you, all in plain sight.

So many excuses for how he is- but you cant deny it. You don’t dare deny it, and you know it too.

The car rides you’d wish would lead to her, the friends you’d go out with you wished would include her, the indirect questions of his old friends in a flick of hope to hear about her.

She was never to be talked of again.

He broke up with you, why are you sad? Body shaking with devastation, tears running like real-life waterfalls, screams of a broken heart hope. You had only hoped you like him, you had only hoped you could convince yourself you like men, the way they like you. The closet shut so quick for the sake of being with someone for once, anyone.

It doesn’t take long until you realise you’re better without him, you aren’t miserable yourself, you were forced to be but yourself. The episodes and constant crying is over, your body has no one to reject anymore, so as the months go by, why do you still feel crashed?

Mind replaying the thoughts you had while dating him, how often you’d think of Billie, wish for her upon every shooting star, hoping your words would reach her under the same night sky.

You weren’t in love with her though? Right?

The times she’d laugh at your stupid jokes and you’d only grow warmer, all from inside out. The way she laughed at your idiotic jokes, eyes shut closed and uncontrollable irregular panting laughs, you felt your heart open up and flutter like a lotus. You weren’t breathing anymore - you were blooming.

Or how she would always react to you with a smile, no she wasn’t always happy, but she felt that way whenever you were in the picture.

You knew she wasn’t always happy, especially when you tried to contact her about a month after your breakup, after the breakup of probably the most pathetic relationship ever.

Her hometown being your own isn’t helping, with a new year of studies crawling in and summer days shortening she’s come to visit family and friends and you cant help but imagine every other girl she interacted with was you.

Stolen glances while passing by the street, yours were full head turns, trying to drink up as much of her as you can in that luck-pathed moment, whereas hers almost looked through you. Short and cold, like broken icicles used as daggers.

The eyes that once bent and twinkled with such a welcoming warmth you now find them leaving you breathless. The hands that once opened up like wings, fingers empty of their shiny rings, -something she always did knowing how the sensation makes you cringe unpleasantly- knowing she’s gonna see you, eager to be held by you contentedly, palms facing you with a silent request to hold them — now you see fallen, the only thing about them looking at you being the big shiny intimidating rings peeking from a fist.

The mud is dirty, the water is not the best. All kinds of things found around the pond taking a sip or a dip. But a lotus flower grows again tomorrow even cleaner than before. Why can’t she see it?

You a year ago today is nothing compared to you right now, you know what you are and what you want. So why is she suddenly scared to get wet? Why is every person attracted to the pond but her?

Everyone but the one you want.

The one person to bloom the lotus within you, the one to plant the lotus seed inside you, to keep it from rotting all along. She gave it life and left it with you to die.

Or at least you tell that yourself to feel better, better about the fact that you left her without a word and hoped for the best.

You hadn’t realised just how much time had passed, or that time had passed at all. Now out of your mind and back to your body, looking right at the entrance of a park, you hadn’t moved an inch since you looked back and was met with a killer gaze. The evening sky turning to yet another dark night. Were the nights always this cold?

You lean against the random buildings fence, state of shock unbothered. Your head tilts up as the breeze kisses past your features, thats when you realise your body has betrayed you yet again, wet cold teary cheeks.

Blink,, blink,,, blink… and you shot your eyes up ahead, the stars in the dark blue of the sky dancing along the hue of the endless horizon above and beyond, and for a moment you saw her eyes again, for a moment you saw her staring at you the way she used to. For a final moment before you felt your heart rip itself apart.

...

..

You had no outlet for your love to her, you didn’t have her. What was there to do with a feeling so tender that sucker punches your stomach the moment it sees the owner of it whole? A feeling that fights against your held back words and actions, trying to get out in any way, ends up finding that the only way out, is through.

There was no room for it. If you clung onto it, it would only destroy you.

the woman who holds the moon

prints available here. my cover for this month's issue of baffling magazine.

Girls won't even be dating and then have the most dramatic break up

Woaaah an art degree??

That’s so cool actually, that couldn’t be me. I think I’d fail like almost immediately.

- 🍓

oh my no degree no way!! i just really like art in general, i don’t study it by choice :p every time i’ve tried to start i got bored and quit the extracurriculars immediately

and theres no such thing as failure, you either pick up on what you did wrong, do it again and fix it, over and over until its good, or you give up <- thats not implied to art only

a character is strong when they’re seen getting a punch and getting back up to throw another one, not when they only throw them - but when they have the courage to get up again, to me failure doesn’t exist

for the first time after very very long I’ve looked someone in the eyes and she had me sweating bullets for hours later.

i couldn’t pay attention to anything around me at all, and all we did was have 1 tiny interaction. i’ve been avoiding this for so long im starting to get scared i wont ever manage to let it go, i haven’t let myself feel it and i fear the way to get rid of it is let it through

i just want the year to edge to the end, so at some party or anything similar i can find her and sort of

“promise me to not tell anyone, and to forget this all happened, especially if your reaction is negative…. do you think im pretty?.. you’ve been in the back of my head and the subconscious of my attention for so long… im about to leave, so im asking you now incase of a rejection, so i’ll be able to handle it, but if not i can stay longer…”

i need to get this out of me, its not about kissing a girl, romancing a girl or feeling a girl, its about THE girl.

who knew that you wont just get over someone if you try to not feed into your feelings, but instead they will persist on coming out.