Samhain Facts✨🎃

The Great Handfasting Project: Secular Wedding Planning Books

While historical sources about pre-Christian weddings and books written by modern pagans can give you a lot of good ideas for your ceremony, many of them don't cover the most stressful part of getting married: planning, budgeting, scheduling, and managing a modern wedding.

My fiance and I decided in December to move our wedding date up from August of 2024 to August of 2023 -- cutting our planning time from nineteen months to just over seven months. This meant we had a lot less time than intended to make a guest list, make a budget, book a venue, send out invitations, buy our outfits, arrange catering for the reception, and all the other things you have to do to make a wedding happen. It also meant that our timeline was a little more rushed than we'd originally intended.

Because our timeline had suddenly shrunk, we decided to prioritize planning the reception first, then start writing a script for our ceremony after we'd nailed down reception details. We did this because we knew our reception was going to have more than three times as many guests as our ceremony and would be what we spent most of our budget on. Our reception is also going to be 100% secular out of consideration for guests who may not be comfortable attending a pagan ceremony but who still want to support us.

I cope with new and stressful situations by reading about them. Research is the balm that soothes my worries and the foundation that lets me build my own kickass plans. When we decided to move up our wedding date, I immediately went out and bought a couple of books to help me navigate the many big and small decisions I'd have to make in the coming months.

The Everything Guide to Micro Weddings by Katie Martin

When I first started looking into planning my own wedding, I quickly learned that what my fiance and I wanted to do is called a "micro wedding." According to Katie Martin, a micro wedding is any wedding or commitment ceremony with fewer than 50 guests. I feel like most pagan weddings end up falling into this category. (Something about pagans makes us prefer small, intimate gatherings, I guess?)

Pros

Katie Martin is actually a professional wedding planner, so this book very much comes across as expert advice from an industry professional.

There's lots of good, practical advice about logistics, which is exactly what I wanted. This book taught me how to make a wedding planning spreadsheet, and I love that.

I like that the author includes advice for dealing with family members' expectations for your wedding day, especially when they would have liked to see you do things differently. I think a lot of this advice is relevant to pagans whose family doesn't understand why they want a handfasting, or anyone else who has to gently break it to their grandmother that they aren't having a church wedding. I felt like these sections did help prepare me to defend our decision to do a small, casual wedding and my decision not to have my biological father present even though several of my siblings are still close to him.

This book is LGBTQ+ inclusive!

I also love that the author gives practical advice for interfaith and multicultural weddings, including alternatives for when one or both religions doesn't allow interfaith ceremonies.

I like that the author addresses guest dietary needs in the sections on planning the menu. For example, she recommends asking guests about food allergies before finalizing the menu, making sure to have vegan/vegetarian options, and offering non-alcoholic drinks for toasts. As a vegetarian with Celiac Disease, I appreciate this and can testify that it's unfortunately not something every wedding planner thinks about.

This book was written after the pandemic and includes tips and ideas for celebrating during quarantine, which is really helpful.

The appendix has literal checklists you can use to plan different parts of your wedding.

Cons

Katie Martin is a professional wedding planner who specializes in destination weddings, and it shows. She discusses destination weddings a lot in this book. Maybe it's just because I'm not planning a destination wedding, but I felt like that topic could have been its own book instead of being lumped into this one.

The "environmentalist" politics of this book are inconsistent. At one point, Martin says that one of the main draws of micro weddings is that they have a smaller carbon footprint than bigger weddings, which I'm sure is true. But just a few chapters later, she gives a list of potential locations for destination weddings that includes Hawaii and other places where both the environment and Native people are seriously harmed by tourism. This is a very minor gripe, but it annoyed me and felt a little bit like greenwashing.

I wish Martin gave price estimates for the things she suggests. I understand that she probably didn't want to date her book by including exact numbers, but a rough estimate would have been helpful. There are almost no numbers given, and when the author says that Option X is cheaper than Option Y, she doesn't say how much cheaper it is. This makes it hard to think about budgeting while reading.

It really rubbed me the wrong way that this author subscribes to the outdated etiquette of referring to married women as "Mrs. [husband's name]" in invitations and programs. Martin even says divorced women should be addressed as "Mrs. [ex-husband's name]" if they haven't remarried! This is based on the incredibly patriarchal idea that women's identities are defined by their husbands, and if I received a wedding invite that addressed me this way, I wouldn't go. There are also no alternatives given for addressing same-gender couples. This just feels like an incredibly old-fashioned and misogynist inclusion in a book that is otherwise very modern.

Overall rating: 4/5 stars

Would I recommend it? Yes, especially if you're doing most of the planning for your wedding yourself.

Offbeat Bride by Ariel Meadow Stallings

When my fiance and I first decided to (literally) tie the knot, Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride) was an incredibly helpful source of inspiration. It was the first time I'd ever seen photos of polyamorous weddings, which I immediately sent to all of my partners with lots of hearts and crying emojis. It's also a goldmine of inspiration for queer weddings, nonbinary/genderqueer weddings, disabled weddings, and so much more. So when I learned that the site's founder had written a wedding planning book, I knew it would be an invaluable resource.

(Note: This book has been revised twice since it was originally published. The version I read is the third edition, which is the most recent version.)

Pros

This book addresses things I've never seen talked about in other wedding planning resources, like the conflict of hating the beauty industrial complex for making money off insecurities they created vs. wanting to look nice for your wedding photos. (Because even if you don't hire a photographer, someone is gonna take photos.) I loved this book's "do what you gotta do" approach and the emphasis on feeling comfortable and beautiful on your special day.

I cannot stress enough how much I appreciate the section titled "A Big-Bride Survival Guide." As a fat girl, lemme tell you: as stressful as shopping for wedding outfits already is, it's more stressful with a bigger body. And don't even get me started on the subtle (and not-so-subtle) weight loss comments from relatives. I loved that this book includes practical advice for how to navigate the entire process as a fat bride (or groom, or spouse).

This is by far the most LGBTQ+ affirming wedding planning book I've read so far. There's an entire chapter dedicated to queer weddings, but advice for queering your wedding is sprinkled throughout the rest of the book as well. "Queer wedding" also isn't only defined as two men or two women getting married. There's advice for bisexual and pansexual weddings (and the author identifies as bisexual!), asexual weddings, transgender weddings, and nonbinary/genderqueer weddings. There's even a short but sweet section on polyamorous commitment ceremonies, both for groups of more than two people who are "getting weddinged" and for polyamorous couples who may not be out to all their guests but still want to find subtle ways to include their other partners. I also really liked that the author acknowledges the struggles and hardships faced by queer couples (and throuples and more) and the importance of celebrating queer community, resilience, and chosen-family.

I really appreciate the warning about the pitfalls of wedding planning apps, magazines, and social media. The author warns readers about the risk of having so much inspiration you fall into the hole of choice paralysis or keep redoing things you already finished. She also warns about the temptation to compare your wedding to someone else's. I loved this gentle reminder to be mindful in how we engage with the wedding planning industry. Here's a wonderful direct quote: "Remember, the wedding tech is here to serve you. You are not here to serve it."

There's an entire chapter on disabilities and accessibility! I really appreciated this inclusion, and I found the advice genuinely helpful as I plan a wedding that accommodates my own chronic illnesses, my fiance's and my ADHD, several guests with mobility issues, and other guests with various other health conditions and invisible disabilities.

I loved the chapter on self-care and navigating wedding planning anxiety. Planning any big event, but especially one as legally, ideologically, and culturally loaded as a wedding, is really stressful, even if you're doing a small celebration with just close friends and family. I appreciated the acknowledgement that feeling stressed or anxious is both normal and common, and I loved that the author talked about the ways this stress can affect your physical body as well.

Overall, this is a really great book with excellent advice, and it really does cover every single aspect of wedding planning.

Cons

It's actually really hard for me to think of stuff I dislike about this book, if I'm being honest. There were a few typos, but nothing atrocious.

This book is written from the bride's perspective. The author includes lots of stories about her own wedding, and she is a woman who married a man, which definitely shaped her experience. Like I mentioned, there's a lot of good advice here for grooms and other-gendered people having weddings, and there's a lot of advice and suggestions for queer weddings. But if it's important to you to read a book about someone's firsthand experience of having a same-gender wedding, or of being a transgender bride/groom, or of navigating the wedding industry when you don't identify with a binary gender, this book isn't that.

Overall rating: 5/5 stars

Would I recommend it? Yes!!! Especially if you're having a "nontraditional" wedding.

🌌 Witchcraft PSA: The Chakras & Cultural Appropriation ❌

Warning: This is probably the longest post I've written so far, so be prepared for a VERY long read.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert, a historian, or a theologist. I am simply a witch, a student, and a POC living in the United States where many aspects of pagan spirituality are often appropriated from other cultures and perpetuated through simple ignorance. I'm sure this post will generate some type of controversy, but I do not mean to attack anyone or their beliefs with this post.

So. Here's the big one, guys. The post I've been dreading making but have really wanted to write for a while.

Cultural appropriation is one of the hottest topics in the modern witchcraft community, and the discourse about it on tumblr is far-reaching and incendiary at best. The problem: Where should witches draw a line between explorational spirituality and cultural appropriation?

I'm not here to lay down laws of morality. I'm not the cultural police. But I DID have a very eye-opening experience recently that led me to create this post.

I'm a white-passing minority, and I won't pretend that this doesn't lend me a degree of privilege in America. Especially as a witch, many doors are open to me. Just within the witchcraft community, I look white enough to be welcomed whole-heartedly into most neopagan circles. That's not to say that blatant racism is abundant within the pagan community, but we can't deny that many non-white cultural practices are heavily stigmatized. For instance, as SOON as any of my "light worker" friends hears that I have a family background in Santeria and Brujeria, the FIRST thing I hear is, "Oh, I don't mess with that dark stuff," or "Well, I don't like the idea of hurting animals and other people." And don't get me started on the ignorant conversations one of my dark-skinned, Vodou-practicing friends has had to sit through before.

Like, what?

Because of this, I'm often the first person within my social circles to stand up for cultural barriers and denounce cultural stigma. Above all else, I try to respect the hell out of closed cultures and educate myself about cultural appropriation.

So, it was much to my dismay when I discovered that I have been culturally appropriating the chakra system for the last 11 years of my witchcraft practice.

The chakra system and its use in western occultism is one of the most heavily debated topics in the witchblr community. A simple search will yield dozens upon dozens of posts, each filled with witches claiming that usage of the chakra system either IS or IS NOT appropriation. For the most part, I've tried to stay out of this debate. I've incorporated the chakras into my practice since I began, but I thought my oriental heritage and my "thorough" understanding of the chakras made this okay. But, lo and behold, I was sorely mistaken.

So, after some deep research into this topic, and after talking to several Hindus and Buddhists, here's my attempt to shed some light on this issue.

What are the chakras (according to Western occultism)?

As a brief overview, the chakras are believed to be spiraling energy centers that exist within the subtle body. There are seven of them, and they lie along the spine in places where large amounts of nerves and vital organs exist. Similar to the way our brain is a large compilation of nerves, these chakras are believed to be the intersection points of energy currents within our spirit.

Each chakra rules over a particular psychological, physical, and spiritual state of being, and disruptions within the chakras are believed to lead to different types of mental, emotional, and physical illnesses.

These chakras are depicted as lotus flowers with varying numbers of petals, and each is represented by its own color. Each one also corresponds to a Sankskrit syllable mantra which is believed to activate the chakra when spoken aloud.

In order, they are:

❤ Muladhara - The Root Chakra - Connection to the Earth and the Self - Located at the base of the spine - Depicted as a red lotus with 4 petals - Mantra: LAM

🧡 Swadhisthana - The Sacral Chakra - Connection to sexuality and instinct - Located near the sexual organs - Depicted as an orange lotus with 6 petals - Mantra: VAM

💛 Manipura - The Solar Chakra - Connection to will and identity - Located in the Solar Plexus - Depicted as a yellow lotus with 10 petals - Mantra: RAM

💚 Anahata - The Heart Chakra - Connection to love and relationships - Located in the heart - Depicted as a green lotus with 12 petals - Mantra: YAM

💙 Vishuddha - The Throat Chakra - Connection to voice and communication - Located in the heart - Depicted as a blue lotus with 16 petals - Mantra: HAM

💜 Ajna - The Third Eye Chakra - Connection to spiritual awareness - Located above and between the eyes - Depicted as a purple lotus with 2 petals - Mantra: OM

🌈 Sahastrara - The Crown Chakra - Connection to Source/the Universe - Located at the top of the head - Depicted as either a purple, rainbow, or white lotus with 144,000 petals - Mantra: Silence

Along with these associations, each chakra is often associated with various crystals, herbs, and spirits.

What are the chakras within their original cultural context?

The concept of 'chakras' arose from a practice known as Tantric Yoga. This was a spiritual system that began to gain popularity in India and other eastern cultures between 600-1300 CE. Up until this point (and concurrently as well), most types of spirituality in these cultures was very transcendental - that is, they had a fundamental belief that the Divine was transcendent and inherently 'above' the natural world. Therefore, in order to commune with the divine, it was believed that the material world had to be renounced and denied, and higher states of consciousness had to be achieved in order to commune with divinity.

Tantric spirituality flipped the script. It adopted the idea that divinity was an inherent quality of the natural world, and that a person could freely commune with the divine by opening themselves up to the world around them through mindfulness and all-embracing compassion.

The philosophies and teachings of tantric yoga (loosely known as 'tantras') became extremely widespread throughout this period and dramatically shaped many emerging sects of Hinduism and Buddhism. As this philosophy spread, many different types of specific spiritual practices arose, many of which can be recognized in our Western ideas of holistic meditation - such as mantras, mudras, mandalas, and even modern Western yoga.

One such concept that gained popularity was the idea of chakras - focal points of spiritual energy in the body. However, these chakras were very different than what Westerners think of today.

There were a LOT of different traditions that arose from Tantric teachings, and each one had its own unique belief about chakras. The most obvious difference between these chakra traditions was that each one believed in a different number of chakras. Some systems had three, others had six, others had seven, others had nine, others had 10, others had 21, etc.

Each one approached the chakras a bit differently, and so each one believed in a different number of chakra centers.

What are some of the primary differences between Western Chakras and Tantric Chakras?

The most eye-opening difference for me was that Tantric chakras have none of the associations that Westerners believe in today. Original practitioners of Tantric spirituality did not associate specific colors with each chakra, they did not associate physical or psychological states with them, they did not associate any herbs or crystals or planets with them, and they did not even associate Sanskrit syllables with them. What's more, they didn't even believe they were located in fixed points on the body.

Loosely, they believed that the chakras - like all things spiritual - were very fluid. They could often be accessed through general areas of the body, but they definitely were not stagnant, fixed points. This also accounts for the varying number of chakras, because it was believed that the chakras would manifest in different ways depending on what traditional practice you used to approach them.

Many traditions did believe that these chakras could be depicted as lotus flowers with various petals, but these were not meant to inherently describe the individual chakra. Rather, these depictions were meant to serve as a visualization for a person to meditate on when trying to access a specific chakra.

Along with this, these traditions did not assign specific names or syllables to these chakras - at least not the ones we use today. Rather, it was believed that Sanskrit syllables carried an inherent magic or divine energy within them (similar to Kabbalistic views of the Hebrew language), and they assigned various letters and syllables to the petals of each lotus flower, which corresponded to various energies in nature.

The symbols, names, and Sanskrit syllables popularized in the West today don't even correspond to any kind of Tantric chakras. They actually correspond to the elements within certain traditions of eastern spirituality. They also are not meant to be uniquely associated with any individual chakra. Rather, these syllables were used in meditation to invoke specific elemental energies into different chakras depending on the situation.

If your tradition believed that the heart chakra could affect the relationships in your life, and your personal relationships happened to be very stagnant, you could vibrate the syllable for the Wind element and invoke that energy into your heart chakra to help your personal relationships become more dynamic. Etc.

This brings me to the final thing I'd like to talk about: Westerners are NOT using the chakras for their original purpose.

The only concrete associations that tantric traditions had for the chakras were deities. These traditions believed that each of their chakras was associated with a specific Hindu deity (though the specific order or deities listed varies between tradition and time period).

The original purpose of 'working with chakras' was to eventually invoke the energy of these specific deities into a person's chakras in order to become closer to these gods and goddesses and emulate their behavior and teachings in daily life.

How did the original concept of chakras get misconstrued in Western culture?

Oh, boy. This is a tough answer that's soaked in 1000 years of colonialism, racism, cultural and linguistic barriers, and simple misunderstandings.

But, simply put, the appropriation of tantric chakras can be narrowed down to four specific individuals.

In 1577, a spiritual teacher and academic named Purnananda Yati wrote a treatise of tantric teachings called the Shatchakra Nirupana, or roughly 'An Explanation of the Six Chakras'.

In this treatise, Purnananda lays out the modern framework we see today - six chakra centers within the human spirit, with an additional seventh chakra above the head that connects the spirit to the divine source. He based this concept off of an earlier writing from the 13th century, which also details this framework but openly acknowledges that this is just ONE tradition, and that many other traditions also exist.

In 1918, a British scholar named John Woodroffe translated Purnananda's treatise from Sanskrit into English, and unfortunately, there were many mistranslations in Woodroffe's version. This translation was what eventually gained extreme popularity throughout academic and occult circles in the West.

Throughout the 1930's, 40's, and 50's, the renowned European psychologist, Carl Jung (who you might recognize from your Psych 101 class), became fascinated with the idea of chakras and their relation to consciousness. Throughout this time period, Jung wrote extensively about potential connections between the seven chakra centers and various psychological states. This is where the chakras became associated with different states of being, such as instinct, will, and sexuality.

Finally, in 1987, an American occultist and spiritualist named Anodea Judith published a book entitled Wheels of Life. In this book, Judith talks extensively about the seven chakras, and even lists correspondences between the chakras and various herbs, crystals, elements, planets, tarot cards, deities, and archangels.

Her book became wildly popular within holistic and spiritual circles, and set in stone the way that modern neo-pagans view the chakras in the West.

So, are chakras part of a closed culture?

Yes and no.

Chakras as we view them in the West are, at best, a distorted and bastardized version of a beautiful, ancient belief. They were studied and theorized by many traditions for over a thousand years, and many of these traditions still exist today. Most commonly, they are still used in Shaivism, which is one of the most prevalent forms of Hinduism in the East.

Many of these living traditions ARE, in fact, closed. But more than that, to perpetuate (and worse, claim spirituality from) a distorted, white-washed version of an Eastern religious belief is just plain disrespectful and potentially racist at its worst.

That being said, though, there are certain living traditions which ARE NOT closed, such as the exceedingly popular Tibetan Buddhism. These traditions recognize many of the same teachings and are freely shared with people of any nationality or background - as long as you put in the work to learn about them.

The Main Takeaway

The chakras, as viewed in the West, are incorrect. This is not to disclaim any type of spiritual experience Westerners may have had by utilizing chakras in their practice, but I'm of the opinion that Westerners should recognize that the "chakras" they believe in don't actually have any basis in ancient spirituality.

That being said, the concept of a subtle body and energy centers within the human spirit is not unique to the Far East.

The concept of currents and centers of energy within the body can be found in cultures the world over, from India to Japan to Korea to Africa to the Middle East, and even among the Native Americans who never came into contact with these other cultures (as far as we know).

The human soul, the subtle body, and spiritual energy are concepts that supercede cultural boundaries, and if studying and utilizing them is an integral part of your craft, then I encourage you to follow your personal path and find connection with the Universe in whatever way you feel called to.

But. Perhaps developing your own unique system and beliefs about the energy centers within the body is the best course of action for us Westerners. Until we ourselves make the effort go join one of those (open) traditions, subscribing to the modern Western system of "chakras" is, in my opinion, cultural appropriation.

• • •

Brightest blessings, and best of luck 🌙

Witch Intern by Jeremy Jhang

“I Find Lost Things”

Draw this on your dominant hand while you’re looking for something and/or cleaning the space you’re in

Given the state of the global economy, having enough money on hand for the essentials of life is likely to be a true struggle for millions of people. It’s a stressful reality, impacting even the hardest working among us. There’s nothing immoral or selfish about wanting to have enough money to live your life. The purpose of a sigil, after all, is to turn an abstract or unspoken desire into something more tangible. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about private-island money, or pay-the-rent money. Ultimately, it’s speaking to that deep, essential need for the security that money provides.

Here’s a sigil for money that flows right to you. Use it well.

I'll add one more thing-

If you are not Christian/Specifically believe in Christianity or associated Abrahamic religions (like Judaism or Islam), Then you do not believe in genuine "Demons".

Demons (also called iblis) are an Abrahamic concept. Sure not every instance of "inherently evil creature/spirit/being that is in service of a greater evil, usually in the form of a bigger/stronger inherently evil creature/spirit/being" is tied to Abrahamic beliefs but Demons specifically are inherently part of their religious practices.

Demons, down to the first usage of the word, are tied to their description as servants and spawn of The devil, again, another inherently Christian concept.

You are free to believe what you want to believe but I'm tired of white American witches talking about demons and angels and demonic possession then scream at me when I point those are Christian concepts. Hell, due to my own beliefs as a native American, I don't even believe in inherently evil spiritual beings.

That's all I have to say, if you aren't Christian then you don't believe in demons aka spawns of the devil aka the adversary of God. Literally believing in them means you have to believe in the existence of God and if y'all say you don't, you gotta let demon leave you vocabulary.

If you mean evil spirit or even just evil creature... Just say evil creature???

PSA - Will It Summon Demons?

Things That Are Not Likely To Summon Demons And Spirits Into Your Home:

Practicing a pagan religion

Practicing no religion

Skipping religious services

Disobeying your parents

Disobeying oppressive religious rules

Reading books about other religions

Reading books about witchcraft

Casting most types of spells, including hexes

Practicing divination

Reading tarot cards

Owning crystals

Having deity statues

Maintaining an altar

Adopting a black cat

Owning or wearing a pentacle or other pagan symbol

Playing with Ouija or other talking boards

Putting up fantasy or non-Christian artwork

Celebrating pagan holidays

Celebrating Halloween

Watching scary movies and TV shows

Reading horror novels

Playing tabletop RPGs

Playing LARP games

Playing video games

Reading fantasy books

Reading comics and graphic novels

Listening to heavy metal music

Dyeing your hair

Dancing

Swearing

Drinking

Dressing however you please

Having tattoos and piercings

Engaging in premarital sex

Being queer

Being trans

Participating in activism for progressive social causes

Things That Might Summon Demons And Spirits Into Your Home:

Literally summoning demons and spirits into your home

This has been a Public Service Announcement.