Hoa - Blog Posts

idea:

tw: angst, suicide mentions

Octavian as Maui, but instead of some big warrior demigod, hes some skrunkly crunkly little shit, a demigod from ancient times, who thought he could steal Gaeas heart and survive, failed miserably and was cursed to being a mortal demigod thousands of years later.

We don’t know much about Octavian, where he came from, why he is so pompous, so what if it’s because he was born in ancient times, and was cursed with having to be a mortal demigod in modern times, with barely any semblance of the powers he used to have, and it shows. He has a god complex, because he used to be able to get away with it. He *used* to be able to do anything. Now he’s in a fucking teenagers body. And yeah, he causes a war.

it wasn’t that bad in olden days, it was a point of honor. And when he saw that cannon c for a split second he thought he saw a glimpse of his old life, he could be the hero he remembers. And Mabye, death could bring him that, Mabye if he died he could be who he used to.

but the gods decided fuck that, he hadent repented and returned the heart, he miraculously survives, spiteful and vindictive, and very pissed. His body dosent feel like his own and now he’s being denied death? Fuck.

Micheal eventually finds him and he basically decided she’s going to help his freind finish the quest, no idea on Octavian’s planned auicide after the quest. Octavians just done, he’s so tired, and mad, and awful, and powerless. He’s just done. But his planned go into turmoil when he realises Micheal actuallly cares about him. It’s awful, and right, all at the same time.

he dosent deserve this, right? He’s not who he used to be. He’s not the big amazing warrior, he’s not the hero, hell, he’s not even a very good villain. But Micheal thinks he’s amazing. And that’s scary, and wrong, and oh so good to feel his walls comming down. But he hates it at the same time. He’s allways been alone, back in the ancient when he was doing quests, or then when he was Augur, and now… he was trying so hard to be alone. But Micheal wouldent get the fucking message.

and when they finish the quest, it’s overlooking the cliff Octavian first fell off before he was transported to this mortal world. He stood there, looking at the water below. It was churning, dark and uninvitong. He wonders if death will be cold, dark. Like a nightmare, the cold floor biting your skin like frostbite, and the darkness so bad you could barley see your hand infront of your face.

it warm, like good memories. Holding him, ears hearing like he’s underwater, muted light through bliss enfectibg goggles. Like good things, and happy times. Would it be warmer then Micheal’s arms-

.

.

.

where did *that* come from?

Octavian bristled. He wasn’t supposed to think like this. No one was, it wasn’t strong, it wasn’t right. But god he wanted to curl up in Micheal’s arms and never leave. He wanted to feel small, he wanted to feel something other then a FUCKING overwhelming need to be the best, to be the greatest, to make history no matter the cost.

but death felt so tempting, but for the first time in forever he felt like he could find happiness with another person. That Mabye he could be ok, with not being great. With just being… good. With someone he loved.

no.

No, he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to feel this safe. This happy. He screwed up the world. He’s fixed it. But now. What’s left?

what could keep him happy, what could keep him, someone so broken, and who he thought was *evil* he was *evil*, what could he deserve?

Octavian didn’t know when tears started falling down his cheeks, or when his foot came closer to the edge. It felt lucid, like he was underwater, like he could see himself, but not through his eyes.

he heard Micheal calling for him, but it felt muffled. He heard noises, not words. Cody soon,, then panic.

he didn’t want Micheal to panic, Micheal deserved the world. He wasn’t sure when he took a step closer to the edge, or when he let himself fall fowrd. He wasn’t sure what was happening, it felt so… unreal. Like, so so very unreal. He felt arms around his waist and felt himself be tanked back, falling back onto someone, and the jolt winding him, and the breath he took almost broke the illusion of serenity with a harsh slap of reality. He heard Micheal yelling at him, sitting up, still holding him.

he couldent tell the words, everything eas becoming more real. That warm feeling was gone, that bliss of not feeling, was gone. And he didn’t know if he liked it. Octavian *sobbed*. He didn’t know why, he wasn’t sure why he could actually do this. He wasn’t supposed to do this. He was supposed to be strong, scary, and big. But in Micheal’s arms he felt oh so small. He heard Micheal’s voice falter.

this was all to much for Micheal. He felt petrified when he saw ofcavoan first walk to that edge.what was he supposed to do? What *could* he do? He was frozen, till he saw that step. Then another. And he had to fling himself at Octavian and yank him back before he fell, and when he grabbed him Micheal fell flat on his back. He was yelling at Octavian, asking him what the hell he was thinking. Till he started sobbing. He only could hold him. There wasn’t anything he could do in this situation. He just held him. This was overwhelming for both Boyd, and they sat there. For how long he didn’t know. But what he did know? Him and Octavian had a long conversation ahead.

—————

sorry, it was meant to be a light hearted thing then I just continued and it spirals out of control. If you like it, leave a comment and I can expand on this new au, I wasn’t meaning for this to happen but it did lmao. This was my first time writing angst, and actually writing things, not just a concept. Wow. What do you think?

Salim, out of the blue: I would be far more comfortable if I had fewer bones.

Jason: ?????

Jason: GOOGLE SHABOOZEY RIGHT NOW.

Nick: I know who Shaboozey is.

Jason: GO TO GOOGLE.COM AND GOOGLE SHABOOZEY RIGHT NOW.

Salim: Who is Shaboozey?? Okay I'll Google him. OH!!

Jason: I DISCOVERED THIS WHEN I DECIDED TO GOOGLE SHABOOZEY ONCE.

Jason: No, don't-!

Nick: JASON LISTENS TO WHITE GIRL MUSIC!!

Rachel: What?

Joey: Lmao why??

Jason: BRITNEY SPEARS DIED FOR OUR SINS, OKAY??

Salim: Are you sure I can't hold the umbrella for you..?

Jason: I'm doing something nice for you because I love you!!!

Salim: Alright, thank you :')

salim's neck has become non-existent after this point RIP this man and his height over his boyfriend 😔

how dare y'all kill ashley tisdale (also rachel is like the best character fight me she deserves the WORLD and a kiss on the forehead)

Jason: No, don't-!

Nick: JASON LISTENS TO WHITE GIRL MUSIC!!

Rachel: What?

Joey: Lmao why??

Jason: BRITNEY SPEARS DIED FOR OUR SINS, OKAY??

Jason: StOp crossing the road like that, do you have no anxiety??

Salim: Oh, I have anxiety, but my anxiety is more like I'm confident the cars won't hit me but I'm worried the drivers don't like me.

Nick: You tried to join the freemasons???

Eric: No, I just looked into it!

Jason, hatching a plot: Let's do it.

Joey: I'm in.

Nick: guys, isn't that against the rules? What if we get caught?

Jason: Nick Kay, I cannot wait for you to lose your virginity.

Rachel, handing Jason a gun: Hold this. Do Not drop my baby.

Nick: Awww, he's holding your baby and carrying Salim's!

Jason: Shut. The Fuck. Up.

Nick, out of the blue on a random tuesday: Cats and cows love me.

Jason: How do you know this?

Nick: Vermont.

Jason: Elaborate?

Nick: No.

Eric: This is my wife, Rachel, and her boyfriend, Nick. Who is also my boyfriend.

Rachel: I keep telling my boyfriend that he can't love Chappell Roan and be straight, but he does, and he is :/

Eric: I don't know about that,

Rachel: Is Nick gay???

Eric: He was last night...

Nick: Is it just me or has Jason gotten smarter since he started fucking Salim?

Rachel: No, no, you're right. Is it some kind of STI?

Nick: Sexually Transmitted Intelligence.

Rachel: WhY does this hallway smell like dater-pe???

Nick: Merwin uses a really strong cologne.

Jason: Overactive sweat glands, you know how it is.

Merwin: I smell fine!!

Rachel: Shower. Now.

Jason: But Chernobyl's so silly!

Nick: You can't say that, you're Russian!!!

Jason, who has only seen Mary Poppins once and can't quite remember the plot: ??? So which is it????

Jason: You have that glint in your eye that either says 'I'm Mary Poppins' or 'I'm going to dump your body in that chasm river.'

Salim: We'll never know which it is!

Salim: Is this... normal for them?

Jason: Yeah, trust me, it's normal for everyone, hey Salim, do you wanna... get outta here?

Salim: And go where? Home? We just got here.

Jason: Right... wait did Merwin just come out-?

Merwin: Joey, I'm gonna pretend for a second that you're my wife and that we have children,

Jason, laughing:

Eric: Jason, this is my life.

Jason, still laughing: I know, it just sucks!

Merwin: Joey, I'm gonna pretend for a second that you're my wife and that we have children,

Eric: The Middle East is on the brink of war-

Salim: Brink???

Eric: Okay, give me a topic.

Jason: 9/11.

Nick: The olympics!

Joey: The 9/11 olympics!

Eric: Alright, so my choices are-

Merwin: They hit the THIRD tower, it's a world record!!

Nick: I've been trying and failing to see the appeal of you, Eric.

Jason: I just finished a 239 page book in like an hour, look at me go :)

Salim: It was a graphic novel.

Jason: Shush, I don't want to hear it from you, babe, you're sick!

Jason: Do any of us have good relationships with our dads?

Nick: Well-

Eric: I do! I love my dad.

Rachel: You're like a disney adult about specifically that guy.

Eric: My dad's the best :)

Jason: Fuck you Eric.

Eric:

Merwin: Yeah, Eric, fuck you!

Eric:

Joey: Eric, you suck.

Eric:

Clarisse, looking Eric up and down: You look like you shop at vineyard vines.

Eric, tearing up: That is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Jason: You know they kicked Robin Williams out of Juilliard?

Nick: Really? Oh, man, what'd he play?

Rachel: Why is it that men look so peaceful when they're asleep? Like they aren't actively ruining my life when they're awake?

Salim: Sleep is just death being shy, and no man can hate a woman when he's dead.

Rachel: What the fuck.