Lonelier Version Of You - Blog Posts

Do you ever just miss the way a person made you feel? Probably not the person anymore but just that one point in the relationship where you thought everything was perfect and they made you feel so so safe. When they'd hold you in their arms, squeezed you tight and told you they'd never let you go. And now you feel an echo of the places they'd caress and touch you and you remember the love you felt them put into every trace of your skin. But now they're gone and all you feel is this hollow and fleeting sensation followed by the cold prickling loneliness. You didn't even do anything wrong, they just got so twisted up in themselves that one day they let out all the hate they had bottled in. On you, simply because they knew just how much you loved them and would've taken everything they gave but then one day they were just gone.

What it feels like to

What it feels like to break a bond that was never there

What it feels like to wake up from a dream and realise reality is here

What it feels like to know that you are not the one

What it feels like to think someone unknown has left you abandoned

What it feels like to know you were never good enough

What it feels like to live in a bluff

What it feels like to expect too much

What it feels like to have a wrong hunch

What it feels like to consider love would come by

What it feels like when the one you like breaks all ties

What it feels like to have a void

What it feels like to not being able to avoid

It definitely feels too much

It's so much that you eventually give up

It's so elaborate that you get numb

But you still think what it feels like to...

Sitting alone

Sitting alone I always miss the time I didn't need company

The time when I felt secure even when no one offered security

The time when without taking the effort to make friends I had a lot of them

I miss the comfort I got in my mother's arms

The time when she was just a room away and not, a call away

I miss the childhood mistakes

The time when irrespective of the kind of my mistake I was always forgiven

I miss when love was always around

The time when I didn't have to find someone who loves me

I miss when adulting seemed fun

The time when I didn't realize that independence can be a burden too

I miss when fulfilling our dreams was the biggest dream

The time when I didn't know how difficult it is in reality

I miss and I miss

But the most i miss is when i didn't have to sit alone

The time when even being alone i knew that I am not alone

"light on me"

Not everyone can afford this madness, i am not tethered to anything, loneliness is a side effect of self medicating,nothing good can come out of infinite apologies;

my tragedy is- my freedom is absolute; it's abandonment at its finest. I am everything my mother warned me not to be.

I think it's beautiful how cute we get when we are lonely. Calling up our bestfriend to talk about just anything before they ask if anything's wrong. Telling them it is, you are intimidated by the changing ways of life because you were finally getting used to the quiet life. Remembering school and your after school ice-cream dates, driving up to that quiet place behind school property where you can see the most beautiful sunset in the city. Writing I miss you and wish you were here to each other. Telling each other, you'll meet soon. Hugging your pillow and falling asleep to the playlist they made you on one of your birthdays. My heart is too fragile for reminiscence. I don't know how to contain all these so I sleep.

I am autumn in a tropical country.

I struggle with my identity when you paint me all orange and brown from memory. You make me miss a place I have never lived in, a place you had to leave to find me.

"I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself."

-Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

You're lonely?

You mean you write down all your feelings in a journal or as a note in your phone because you have no one to pour them out to who can truly understand you.

Compiling Mirthday feels like walking through a forest of thoughts, deciding which trees to let grow and which to prune. This book is my heart in prose and poetry—a map of solitude’s hidden trails. SOLITUDE AND LONELINESS, TIME AND CHANGE, INDETITY AND EXPECTATIONS, THE ABSURDITY OF LIFE, MENTAL HEALTH AND SOCIETY EXPECTATIONS all loom in atleast all the pieces i have so far collected .

feel free to be a part of this experience here and its free mate.

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