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Izuku: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...
Katsuki: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you
Izuku: Fool me twice, I'll kill myself.
Katsuki: wait, no-
Izuku: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress
Katsuki: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. Izuku: Killed without hesitation. Katsuki: No.
Katsuki: What’s up guys? I’m back. Izuku: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die. Katsuki: Death is a social construct.
(This could also be done in reverse lmao)
Katsuki: It’s dark in here Izuku: Don’t worry dude I got this Izuku: *Stomps their feet* Izuku: *Skechers light up*
Katsuki, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box. Denki: But – that’s just a trash can. Katsuki: yes
Iida: Midoriya... Izuku: Oh no, 'Midoriya' in b-flat. Izuku: You're disappointed.
Izuku in every vigilante fic be like:
Izuku: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Shouta: You're like 15 years old Izuku: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!
Katsuki: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Izuku: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Katsuki: No! Four to five seconds! Izuku: Too late!!!
Nezu: Time for plan G. Sansa: Don’t you mean plan B? Nezu: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Tsukauchi: What about plan D? Nezu: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Shouta: What about plan E? Nezu: I’m hoping not to use it. The Kid dies in plan E. Vigilante Izuku: I like plan E.
Tsukauchi: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Sansa: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Tsukauchi: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Nezu: Actually I did the math, Sansa would have $225, not $0.15.
Sansa: Fam I’m right here....
Shouta: If I had a dollar I would buy a coffee
Tsukauchi: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Shouta: Sorry I only have a dollar
Tsukauchi: :(
Nezu: oh I miscalculated, Sansa would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Shouta: If I had $22,500 I would buy a coffee and an apply juice
Nezu: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Hizashi: Yeah and they want coffee and apply juice
Nezu: Apply juice to what
Vigilante Izuku: Directly to the forehead
Sansa: Great chat everyone
Vigilante Izuku: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Sansa: >:O language Nezu: Yeah watch your fucking language Tsukauchi: OKAY WHO TAUGHT NEZU THE FUCK WORD? Shouta: 'The fuck word'. Hizashi: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Nezu: Oh my god they censored it Shouta: Say fuck, Hizashi. Nezu: Do it, Hizashi. Say fuck.
Tsukauchi: I CAN'T DO IT!
Sansa, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Tsukauchi: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Nezu: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Tsukauchi:
Tsukauchi: I appreciate it,
Tsukauchi: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Shouta: Tsukauchi-
Tsukauchi: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Hizashi: Tsukauchi we gotta-
Tsukauchi: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Tsukauchi: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Tsukauchi, motioning to Vigilante Izuku: NOT FUCKING THIS
Tsukauchi: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Nezu: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Sansa: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Shouta: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Hizashi: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Vigilante Izuku:
Vigilante Izuku: I have emotional scars.
Shouta: How did none of you hear what I just said? Shoto: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Izuku: I got distracted about halfway through. Katsuki: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Tsukauchi: Dammit, Shouta! Shouta: What?! It wasn’t me! Tsukauchi: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Zashi! Zashi: Not me either. Tsukauchi: Oh...Then who set the house on fire? Vigilante Izuku: *whistles*
*the boys doing something stupid* Shoto: I think we're missing something. Katsuki: Teamwork? Cohesion? Izuku: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Shouta: Can you keep a secret? Vigilnate Izuku: Do you know anything about my life? Shouta: No I do not. Good point.
Katsuki: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things. *Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder* Izuku: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.
Tsukauchi: Croissants: dropped Vigilante Izuku: Road: works ahead Nezu: BBQ sauce: on my titties Shouta: Shavacado: fre Hizashi: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead Sansa: Sansa, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
Fem shinso office lady 😚