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2 years ago

can i change the world?

The fact I’m a child concerns me. I'm fifteen as of now. I'm impulsive and make stupid decisions with those impulses. My voice sometimes increases to the point where my throat hurts with how high-pitched I'm talking and other times it's so monotone my head starts to hurt. I'm still figuring out life while others are far beyond me with knowledge. I think I know better and the world somewhat revolves around me and, as I'm writing this, it proves I still think that. The point I'm trying to make is I can't change the world. 

I could be like Gretta Thunberg who's changing the world one speech at a time. But the problem is I'm not. Unlike her, I still feel like a child. A kid whos worried about what I'm going to wear tomorrow and spends an ungodly amount of time on her phone. I'm a Gen Z kid who relates too much with others yet not at all. A baby who hopes to be better. Better at being a kid or adult or better at just everything.

I can't make life-changing art even if I wanted to, having the power to move someone through paint or word seems too daunting. When I grow older I wish to have a stable job and even more stable relationships. And I get that will be weird to some that I don't want to be rich and famous, like many others, but the pressure of that lifestyle is not something I want to bear. I dont want to stand out, and if I can't stand out, how will I change the world? The simple fact is I won't. Won't even dent it. Not a scratch. I'm okay with this as a child you have to be. 

Knowing whatever you do now whether great or small will always be clouded with the knowledge you're a kid from others. Because I'm ‘good at that for a kid’ and ‘you'll be better when you're an adult. 

I won't make art that will change generations’ mindset and I can't fight wars or be a part of something big because I'm a child…

I feel like I'm making excuses. 

Could I change the world? 

Or fight wars?

Or sow that dress I want to?

Am I making excuses?

I won't ever know because ill lay in bed on my phone watching adults do just that.


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9 months ago
archiveofourown.org
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

This shit had me fucking balling. As someone who has seen the movie and wants to read the book I wasn’t expecting to cry as much as I did, I think the gays got to me. If you get the chance please do read this and if you haven’t please also at least watch the movie.


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3 years ago

hi! pls read!!

i'm taking a break from tumblr! i'm not sure how long it will last but i need some time away from everything for a little bit. i started this blog back in august, only a couple months after the loss of a very close family member. i guess i started it so i could cope with my loss but i ended up putting too much on my plate. i haven't fully processed everything and i don't think i'll be able to for a while. but i think taking this break will give me enough breathing room. i'm not sure if i'll still post fics and nothing else, but i will pop in from time to time to see what's going on. i love this fandom and it's really helped me cope but right now i'm just a little overwhelmed. you guys have been the absolute sweetest and i'm so thankful for that!! but i need to invest all of my time into myself right now, i hope you all can understand. just remember, my inbox is always open if you need to chat!

thank you for reading if you made it this far :) and thank you for all your support! it means more than you’ll ever know <3


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1 week ago

Mer JL au:

Barry: Indo-Pacific Sailfish.

(These baby boys are the speedsters of the ocean, and their really cute. I love them, I love him, it works. I’m a big fish person if you can’t tell. And the retractable fin can be purple or blue, and its interchanges with the weather for him. Fast as flip boi.)

Dick/Richard: Four-Winged Flying Fish.

(I know everyone says he’s a flying fish, and I agree! But I’d prefer if people started naming which one. i know there’s at least six different types of flying fish, and I’d like that acknowledged. Anyway, I think the four wing suits him best. Their more powerful and look much cooler. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.)

Hi! Author’s note, thank you for all your support for the first part and second part of my story! I’m really glad you all are enjoying and apologise for the late chapter, I’ve just been de-motivated and tired. But I hope you enjoy either way! Please LMK any ideas, enjoy part three!

Every part I think I’m just going to try to add two more species of Mer, like I did in the first part. The first part will be linked under the people who asked to be tagged, if you want to be tagged PM me.

Tagged:

@ancientdreams-in-a-modernland

Part one linked: Clark finds himself a friend. Bruce finds himself a meal ticket.

Chapter Two: Clark almost gets caught. Bruce tries to communicate with him.

chapter four: Clark finds the family. Bruce needs a nap.

Enjoy the story!

----------------------------------------------------------

The meeting, in fact, was a fluke. It was called automatically when one of the members got hurt and it sent out an alert which called the meeting. Barry didn’t get hurt per se. he just decided it’d be a fun idea to try out-swim a boat and crashed into it. So, the alarm went off because he got a blood nose. Clark was upset but decided to just continue on with his day.

He went back to the reef daily to look for Bruce. He honestly missed the other, they never really spoke, but he felt listened to when they were together. Well, he liked to think he was listened to. He had spent the morning in his apartment writing a report. It wasn’t the most fun, but by the time lunch rolled around he was definitely ready for a break.

He heads off on his way to the reef again, holding his pad and trying to memorize the flash pattern he figured out last time from Bruce. When he got there, he weaved in and out of coral, taking note of the damage, it had sustained. “not good,” Clark mumbled, running his fingers over a part that had a particularly nasty gash in it. He winced.

Clark saw a flash of black and turned with a grin. Seems Bruce had been looking for him too. Bruce sat perched on a piece of coral, looking down his nose at Clark intimidatingly, as if still trying to show Clark they weren’t buddy-buddy. Clark thought Bruce was being funny, a little bit dramatic. Until he saw a flash of silver behind the other. Peaking over Bruce’s shoulder was a Mer-pup, no older than 12, starring at Clark. He clearly wasn’t the same species of Bruce, not even close to it.

Dick was a four-winged flying fish Mer, silvery blue in colour and absolutely stunning. He had short, thick and plentiful black hair like a dark crown contrasting with his tan skin. He had a freckle under his eye, and when he made eye contact with Clark he waved slightly, wings twitching absentmindedly.

Clark waved back, staring at the pup. He was surprised Bruce had a pup, let alone one that seemed too attached to him. He was about to speak but heard a quiet. “hello.” From Dick. Clark didn’t know he could talk. “Uh- hi? What’s your name? kid?” he asked, about to swim closer, Bruce coiled himself. He was normally ok with Clark, but this was the first time Bruce brought his pup to meet him. He was a bit more hostile than usual.

Dick frowned and nuzzled under Bruce’s chin till he calmed down, before responding. “I’m Richard. But everyone calls me Dick.” He said, grabbing Bruces hand.

“My dad told me you’ve been meeting with him?” Dick asked, curious.

“Yeah,” Clark said feeling slightly confused, but mostly intrigued. “You can communicate with him? How?”

“Flashes,” Dick said, pointing at Bruces tail. As id sensing it, Bruce twitched his tail, flicking Dicks finger while Dick chuckled.

“I had to learn to decipher them quick, you know? He did take me in.”

Clark’s expression softened at Dicks words, eyes flicking to Bruce, who looked at Clark as if daring him to hurt his baby. “So, he isn’t your biological dad?”

Dick held back a laugh at that, staring at Clark. “Were two different species completely? That’s ridiculous. He took me in when my parents passed. Even if he doesn’t speak English, he understands it. He’s a good dad. For the most part.”

Clark smiled. It was cute, seeing the small bright pup talking to his dad. Who was currently eyeing Clark like if he fucked up his guts would decorate the ocean floor. Clark knew he was being tested. And he was not going to lose this time. Not now, not ever.

“You hungry, kid?” he asked with a smile. “oh, yeah! Dad said the fish here are good. And that he doesn’t have to catch them because you do- “

Bruce covered dicks face with his tail, a small flush dusting his cheeks.

“ - . ~  - - -  /  -.. ~ ..  ~ -.-. ~  -.-“

Bruce flashed, giving the pup a look, as he made an embarrassed face. Dick huffed and stuck his tongue out, but Clark got the idea and went to go grab some fish.

Clark knew the other adult was embarrassed, but he couldn’t help but smile to himself as he hunted. He was slowly building trust with the other. He knew Bruce talked- well communicated with his kid about him when they were home. He knew Bruce had a kid now. Hell, since dick spoke English maybe he could get dick to write what the flashes were- or even just the key so he could learn to talk with Bruce on his own.

When Clark got back, he gave dick a fish and Bruce the rest. Bruce, as per normal, ate in regal silence. Simply enjoying his meal. He reluctantly let Clark sit next to his Pup, eyeing the two frequently as they spoke. But Bruce knew his pup needed someone to talk to. Especially if he couldn’t offer that part to him. So he let the two talk.

Meanwhile Dick and Clark were working. Clark had handed Dick his JL pad. Probably against the protocol, he knew it. But he took it to the personal notes side. Dick had walked him through what the flashes meant, helping write down some of the basic words then a key for an alphabet. Dots were short and sharp flashes, lines were flashes that lasted a second, after each letter the light would flicker, and after a word the flashing would stop for three full seconds. 

It was incredibly helpful to Clark.

Dick did enjoy his fish, not as much as his dad but he had a thought that his dad came here mostly to look at the other, bright mer. The fact that his father was an excellent hunter was not lost on him.

When it got dark dick said his goodbyes, smiling at Clark and tagging along with his father as they swam off. Clark was about to turn and leave when he caught Bruce’s eye. Bruce had looked over his shoulder to Clark, and Clark felt the air knocked out of him when before Bruce disappeared with his pup into the dark, he smiled at Clark softly.

And gave him a little wave.


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