Unlovable - Blog Posts

feeling unlovable and misunderstood is like my two main emotions

I need him but he doesn't even want me.

I was... Familiar with the grief box? There's a box in your head for the horror you've been through. In each box there's a button and a bouncing ball. When the ball hits the button you get to feel grief and pain. Over time the ball shrinks, but never goes away.

It's not like I was abandoned this time. But it looks like a duck in the distance, and stinks of a duck, but is walking only a little like a duck. Maybe I won't be fully abandoned this time.

I'm just not strong enough. I wrote my first draft of my note. I usually feel a little better after doing that. It's weird, I know. This time it felt different. It's a good thing my state has real good gun control. Too bad there's other ways.

I'm not allowed to be fulfilled. Not allowed to be happy. I am allowed grief and trauma. Parents made sure of that.

Not like I have a future. I barely have a present. You should read Midnight Nation. I think if it wasn't for one person I would have slipped through to that side.

Nobody cares. Nobody. Why would they? They have good lives. I'm stuck. They have all moved on. I'm stuck. That's a good way of putting it, but like most quick phrases it misses nuance.

I'm in the back of a concrete mixing truck. If I stop moving, stop the drum from spinning, the concrete will get hard and I'll die. If I try to get out, the concrete will get hard and I'll die. So I'm alone walking in that drum. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to care. Why would they? I'm not even sure I'm human.

-C

I just... Hate myself so much. It bleeds onto the things around me. Today was hard. Much harder than it needed to be. I'm not meant to be loved. The attention and affection i do get is not only alien, but feels like the universe teasing me. I know it won't go anywhere beside that fleeting moment. But fuck me. I want to die. Kill me. I'm never going to figure this out. I'm never going to be given a chance. I'm not built for me. What a sentence that is. Just let me die.

I stood up and defended a friend from a weird situation on the street the other day. The group was amazed. The trick is hoping to lose. The trick is wanting the end..

I'm in my epilogue and the universe won't let me even think of trying anything else. No new stories. No new connections. No nothing.

My sister posted some screen shots of a text conversation between her and our dad. On the surface it was a cool conversation about all the concerts he brought her too when she was younger.

Any guesses on how many be brought me to? Big ol' zero. It's weird how I'm constantly sharing music with people and asking for new music that people to this day think that music doesn't play a big part in my life. It's strange.

Instead my dad always belittled the things I liked and invalidated my emotions.

I think I was twenty two when my dad and I got into a huge fight. I told him this would be the last time I apologized for being me and told him I'm sorry that I'm not the son he wanted. That was over a decade ago. If we talk, it quickly turns back into that fight. He can't control himself and refuses to try. So we don't have much of a relationship.

I talk to my blood probably twice a year. It's usually my sister. Our relationship is weird. I love her but I can't trust her. Play shitty games get shitty responses. I will not have my civility weaponize against me.

Our incubator was abusive to us. Literally kicked me out of the house on Christmas. Fucking hallmark moment right there.

People wonder why I either come off reserved or like Gomez Addams. I'm watching you or I'm being the adult I need as a child.

All of this makes the holidays particularly isolating. Usually there's a friendsgiving, but one of those people went way over the line and I warned him when he crossed it. Tried to give him an out. He kept going. I told him to stop. Then was suprised when I called him on his shit and I lost two friends from that. Him and one other. I kept two other friends from that group. I should put context that they were my found family. This issue I think I posted about awhile ago....

Anyway. Then. Over the summer an amazing woman pursued me and when I told her I was on board ghosted me for weeks. We talked and got caught up. She told me she couldn't be in a relationship with me for the dumbest fucking reasons. When someone show's you who they are, believe them. Wanted to stay friends. I texted a couple times. Still waiting for a response from.. September I think. Lol.

In summary, I'm an unlovable person and each time I try it gets harder. I'm already aware I'm never getting married. I get it, it's ok. I would like to not have an empty funeral if you get what I'm saying. And more to the point I hate the holidays because of how isolating it is. Covid already makes things hard. Then.. Yeah. Fuck me.

I'm in my epilogue just waiting for the last page.

If someone were you give me a hug. I feel like I'm already a ghost. Live or dead wouldn't really change anything.

Finally had the other shoe drop. My friends think I'm dramatic when I talk about my history when it comes to romance. I'm not being dramatic I'm just going to die alone.

She went through the reasons she wants to date me but decided on not continuing. By her own words she should be dating me. But won't.

History repeats itself. Day late buck short, story of my life. She really wanted to get into the weeds and try to pad herself because she really likes me and doesn't want me to be hurt. She kept going over a couple of the same point so I had to let her know it's ok.

Awhile back I found a picture of me from forever ago and sent it to her because it's a funny picture. She made comments about if we had met then she would have made sure we dated because I'm her type. I joked that wouldn't have happened and every time she asked why I gave her joke answers.

Fast forward to tonight and her trying to get us on the same page. I reminded her of that conversation and told her the real answer. That it didn't matter when or under what circumstances we met, *this* would have still happened. She understood where I was coming from.

This isn't the first, won't be the last time a girl can and wants to be with me and chooses not to.

My friends joke that I'm a fatalist. It's usually after I make a prediction and it comes horribly true.

I'm going to die alone. I'm going to live alone. And when I die there will be three people that will care. Well, probably two, that third friend doesn't take care of his body very well...

I think one of the big things is that I'm at a point in my life where I'm just waiting to die. There isn't a future for me, not really. Just the same thing every day and then death. Fun.

So there's this girl. I really like and care for her. We've been talking every day for months. Gone on a few dates. We have tons of chemistry. For context, I'm in my thirties I haven't had chemistry like this much in my life.

Three weeks ago we had talked about what we want our relationship to look like, boundaries, wants, life styles, we got into the weeds of things like what chores we prefer and hate.

We haven't really talked since. Last night she came out of hiding. We caught up a bit. She went over how she felt bad that we haven't talked because she has her own mental health stuff she wanted to recoup from. I brought up it was three weeks and she felt awful. She said that she thought it was only one. We caught up a bit and topic by topic went through things. I brought up the relationship stuff. She said we can go over that tomorrow (that being tonight) on our video chat date.

Yep, I'm getting broken up with someone over video conference. I give it a 5% chance that it goes positive. But yeah, after being ghosted for that long signs all point to one direction.

For history sake I want to bring up that this is the standard. Me and a girl like each other, talk a lot, I help them through things and they leave. It's been awhile though. Two or three years since the last one and that was a doozy. I'm always a day late and a dollar short. I'm not worth trying just a little bit for if even considered at all.

Russian Doll (2019 - Present)

**** I'm such a waste of human. I don't get it. I've been fighting this low, brought to you by my worthlessness, loneliness and depression for the past three weeks. This is much longer than most of my lows. When it gets back I get really itchy, when it gets to the bottom I start to feel like there's spiders on me, that's been happening every day.

This shouldn't be so hard. I'm distracted, I have serious head fog. I took a professional development course the other day and a section was about loneliness and suicide. That was funny. The entire time I'm thinking I'm not there I'm not there I'm not there... Yet.

Past couple days it's really been sinking in how I can't get ahead. How undesirable I am as a human being. How, I don't know. I'm actually a great guy. I'm funny and warm, I make space and time to those around me. In a case manager for a nonprofit, it's literally my job to take care of people. I'm reasonably good looking. I'm smart and have always been known for being thoughtful and having a good perspective.

None of that matters. I wish I was born an idiot. Heard the joke about how life and soccer are the same? I didn't want to but my mom made me.

I'm always a day late and a dollar short. I have no future and my death would be mourned by three people. I have a large net of a social group. Three people. And I'm being generous on the third.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do any more. I'm such a loser.

Dating shouldn't be nearly as hard as it is. I've never had what anyone would call luck in the love department.

So I was a little taken back when a friend of a friend decided to contact me. We ended up talking a lot. Like a lot a lot. Hung out a couple times. Quite a few virtual dates. (2020 is a confusing time)

Going from talking everyday and having a date talking about what we want in a nesting partner to nothing is jarring. I know her dog was in bad health and she's going through her own battles. Sometimes no answer is an answer. We talked for a bit a few days ago but I'm getting the impression that I've been put on the back burner.

I hate that I'm never enough. I'm never good enough. I'm never worth it. I'm happy that I helped be an ice breaker for her to open up. You're welcome next person.

hi!! i rlly love ur writing and i wanted to ask if i could request something where readers reputation is ruined by a false rumor which leads reader to thinking they aren’t loveable but chris doesn’t think that cause he’s in love with her?

basically the trope “one believes they’re hard to love and someone who loves them like it’s breathing”.

ー ★ !! unloveable

pairing : chris sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis : after some bad rumors are past around social media, you begin to overthink about whether or not you’re even loveable

a/n : ok but why this is request so fucking adorable ???? like the trope u put at the end makes me want to put my blood, sweat, and tears into this. UGHHHHH no matter who it's written, i'm gonna be 100% convinced it's not good enough because i love this prompt so insanely much

wc : 3.7k

you have been friends with the triplets for a few years now, and you all agreed to keep your face off of social media. it started when you jokingly voiced that you were a bit scared to be judged by the entire world. the triplets — mainly chris — took this seriously, though. they know how difficult it can be to have millions of eyes glued to you at all times. due to their awareness, nick suggested that you stayed off of their platforms to avoid any backlash that you're not ready for.

to be honest, at first you were a bit skeptical of his idea. i mean, you'd never had a ton of random people watching you like they always do. it seems easy enough, though. just make sure to keep your privacy hidden and don't do anything bad on camera. despite your questions, you agreed with nick's proposal. plus, the triplets are the experts here ; not you.

it's been three years since you guys came to this agreement. and it's been working out pretty well, frankly. nobody knows that you're friends with the triplets at all. nobody even has had the thought cross their mind. you're a random chick with a few hundred followers and they're famous youtubers with millions. no sane person would make that connection.

a year and a half ago, you and chris started dating. your relationship is the healthiest you've ever been in. he's caring, he listens when you talk, he hugs you a lot, he likes to compliment you, he buys 'just because' flowers.

you have had a past of toxic relationships. you told chris about them and he's been trying his hardest to heal the mental scars your exes have left behind. one of your past boyfriends was manipulative, another one was narcissistic, another was a proud cheater, and the last wasn't even present in your life.

"hey," you whisper into the darkness before you.

you're currently at the triplets' house, staying the night. nick texted you and asked if you wanted to have a sleepover — which you happily agreed to. you'd been watching a movie with nick in his room for the past hour or two, but he fell asleep a few minutes ago. you were on your way to sneak into chris's room when you heard someone rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

overtaken by curiosity, you tip-toed down the hall to see who it was. you poked your head around the corner to make sure it wasn't an intruder. your nerves instantly calmed down at the sight of your boyfriend, hungrily searching for a midnight snack.

"hey," he answers, turning around to face you as you stand in the doorway, "why are you still up? it's late."

"i could ask you the same thing." you tell him with a light chuckle shaking your chest. you then walk into the kitchen and over to where chris stands in front of the pantry. he smiles down at you, causing your stomach to twist. its pretty crazy to think that you still get butterflies from him. most people say that you won't feel giddy forever, but you seem to have proven that theory to be incorrect. it's been nearly two years and you still get flustered when he smiles at you.

you lift your hands into the air before dramatically flopping down onto his chest. your wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face into his shirt. he smells like home, a comforting scent that always makes you relax as it meets your nostrils. chris grins down at you before wrapping his arms around your torso, holding you by the waist lovingly.

"i'm assuming nick fell asleep?" he asks you.

not in the mood to open your mouth, you simply nod in response. he feels your head shift against his chest and he accepts the answer. normally, he teases you for being lazy. but chris loves it when you're sleepy like this. he loves seeing you all delirious and disoriented. teasing you would be like taunting a lost puppy — it's not right. morally.

"he always falls asleep when you guys watch movies together." chris says as though you didn't know that. "didn't he promise to stay awake this time? i thought you guys were planning to pull and all-nighter."

"that didn't happen." you say. your voice comes out muffled from his shirt presses to your face. "he pinky promised to stay awake, but fell asleep thirty minutes into the film we were watching. i stayed up and finished it, though."

"you finished it before or after you came to find me?" chris asks with a laugh. you just roll your eyes as a smile grazes your lips. he can feel the way your mouth pulls upward against his skin. knowing that you're smiling and he can't see it kinda pisses him off. your smile is his favorite thing in the whole world and he's missing it? that's completely unacceptable.

you yawn, blinking a few times to keep yourself from succumbing to slumber. chris notices your fatigue and asks if you're ready for bed. "yes, please!" you respond eagerly, excited to lay down with him and go to sleep in his arms. chris laughs at your excitement, honestly finding it adorable that you're so impatient to sleep.

the two of you walk back to his room together and you grin at the sight of his bed. you rush ahead of him and flop down onto the mattress. your face is pointed up at the ceiling as chris plops down next to you, looking at the ceiling as well.

"is this your equivalent to star gazing?" he asks you, knowing how obsessed you are with the thought of looking at stars together. it's something you've always begged him to do with you. but chris has refused. not because he doesn't want to, but because he wants to do it right. you're looking forward to doing this so bad that he refuses to settle for anything less than the absolute best.

he thinks the stars aren't bright enough in the city. he wants to bring you out to a field and look at them. but you still complain about it constantly — unaware of his little plan.

"yeah," you say with a groan, "since my boyfriend won't look at stars with me, i have to look at your popcorn ceiling instead. my standards have been lowered for you by a lot, i hope you know!"

chris laughs, leaning over to place a kiss on your forehead. he stays hovering over you before he whispers "soon, baby." against your skin. the feeling of his lips grazing your head tickles, making you giggle a little. chris's grin widens at the sound. he sits up and watches your giggles fade away, enjoying the bliss of seeing you smile like this.

"what?" you ask with a laugh, noticing the way your boyfriend is staring at you shamelessly.

"nothing." he replies with a shrug. "you're just so beautiful, i can't help but stare."

you look at him with nothing but admiration behind your gaze. it's truly surreal how far you've come in such a little amount of time. just a few years ago, you were in a toxic relationship with a guy who cheated on you with a different girl each night. and whenever you would confront him about it, he would turn it into an argument — which he would win every time. but now? now you're with chris. who is the literal epitome of perfection. you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with him. nothing else matters but you two.

you and chris end the night in each other's arms. he holds your body against his side, your face buried in the crook of his neck.

the both of you find yourselves falling into an easy, dreamless slumber. this is your favorite place in the world — his arms. no matter what's wrong in your life, the feeling of security always patches every issue. regardless of how messy.

after a few hours of bliss, you jump awake at the sound of chris's bedroom door slamming open. the back of the door hits his wall, the sound of impact waking up chris as well. you feel his shift next to you, his arms still wrapped around your waist. you groan, not wanting to open your eyes.

suddenly, you hear chris gasp. then he pulls the blanket over your face, holding you against his chest protectively. of course, your mind jumps to the worst conclusion — someone broke in and you're all gonna die! you find out that this wasn't this case, though, when you hear chris's voice begin to scold his brother.

"nicolas!" chris shouts. the anger in his voice tells you that this is serious and you should stay out of it. "what the actual fuck are you thinking!?"

"i didn't know you guys were cuddling!" nick tries to defend himself. "if i'd known, i wouldn't have come in! you know i respect your decision to keep y/n hidden! why the hell would i ever do this on purpose!?"

"well where else would she be sleeping if she wasn't with you!?" chris argues back.

slowly, you peak your head out from under the blanket before cautiously asking, "what happened?"

"nick thought it'd be clever to start a live stream at eleven in the fucking morning! then, he had the bright idea to come in here and surprise us!" chris explains, still very very pissed off. "and of course he didn't think to knock like a normal person. he instead took it upon himself to walk right on in and record us!"

"i thought it was just chris!" nick says, stuffing his phone in his pocket now that he's ended the live. "i don't even know if anyone saw her. maybe they missed it and we can just say that it was matt?"

"why the fuck would i be snuggling matt?"

you laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "chris, lets be real. you cuddle your brother more than your girlfriend."

"i love you," chris says softly, "but it's now is not the time for jokes. this could be a huge fucking problem."

"okay, i'm sorry." you're quick to apologize, stretching up to press a kiss to his cheek before gently whispering, "i love you too." against skin.

you notice nick slowly back out of chris's room, not wanting to be around if chris decides to get angry again. you glance up at your boyfriend only to see that he's already staring at nick's departing form. chris is obviously still angry, but he doesn't seem to care enough to argue with his brother again. so he lets nick leave without giving him a hard time.

once nick is completely out of the room, you hear chris sigh. like it's a pained, saddened sigh that makes you want to cry for him. you look up to meet his worried eyes already glancing down at you.

"hey," you whisper, propping yourself up on your elbow to look at him better. "it'll be okay. we'll work it out like we always do." chris smiles at this before leaning down to press a slow, gentle kiss to your lips. you kiss him back before giggling and grimacing away from it. "i have horrid morning breath. let me brush my teeth before you kiss me."

you begin to move around toward the edge of the bed, aiming to leave and brush your teeth so you can start the day. before you can even make it to the side of the mattress, you feel chris's arms wrap around your torso and pull your body backward against his chest.

"i don't care about your breath," he tells you, "i just want you to stay with me a while longer. brush your teeth later."

you chuckle, "that's so nasty."

"pleeeease," he begs, tightening his grip around you, pulling your body firmly against his own. "stay with me, baby."

chris know how you feel about pet names. you hate them. they make you cringe. but when he whispers it against the back of your neck and you feel his breath against the hairs of your skin, you can't help the butterflies that swarm your stomach. you instantly give in and twist around to hug him.

"okay. i'll stay." you inform him, returning to the position you guys were in while sleeping. you shut your eyes before continuing. "but don't ever call me baby again."

"why not?" chris asks, clearly upset. "i could tell you liked it by the way you gave in so quickly. why can't i call you a nickname every once in a while. i think they're cute."

you groan, "i'm sleepy. let's talk about this later."

chris agrees and you both fall back asleep, enjoying the comfort of being in each other's arms. you know that no matter what happens with the media seeing your face, you'll always have chris by your side. nothing else is important as long as he is next to you.

the next time you wake up, it's bright outside.

you're no longer in chris's arms with him spooning you. you're now laying diagonally across the bed with your head in his lap as he scrolls through his phone. you blink a few times to let your eyes focus to the light of the room.

"mornin' baby." he says, quickly shutting off his phone and hiding it under his leg.

the action of him hiding his phone is enough to distract you from the use of the pet name. you raise a brow at his behavior, growing a bit concerned. you trust chris more than anything, but considering your history with cheaters, you can't help the annoyance that resides in your gut.

"what were you looking at, hm?" you ask him, trying not to be rude or anything. you want to stay calm with him because it's probably nothing.

"nothing, babe."

again, you ignore the nickname and focus on his suspicious demeanor. you thin your eyes at him, trying to read his body language. but it's difficult. he doesn't seem like he was texting some random chick, but why else would he hide his phone from you? you guys always share everything because he knows how you can get with this sort of thing.

curiosity overtaking your mind, you reach over and snatch his phone out from under his leg. chris opens his mouth to argue, but doesn't do anything to stop you from opening it and going to his recently opened app.

he was on tiktok, scrolling through the comments of some random fan page. you shoot chris a weird look before reading a few of them, your heart dropping to your ass from a mix of embarrassment and shame.

"did y'all see nick's live this morning?"

"who tf was that girl w chris? lmao she's not even pretty 💀"

"i found the chick's insta and she's apparently been in some rly shitty relationships. i mean lets be real. chris has never seriously dated anyone but this girl has been cheated on, manipulated, and abused? there's a clear denominator here. she's def done smth to cause that (for attention i'm guessing) "

"guys chris won't stay w her for long anyway after he finds out ab her ugly history!"

you read through the comments with an expression of pure disgust. how the fuck are these people going to sit here and talk bad about you when you've never even shown your face on the triplets channel? it's completely unfair.

you look at chris, but he's looking away. you wonder why he hasn't defended you on this. also, he was reading these people's opinions with a straight face. you begin to worry if he believes what they're saying. you glance back down at his screen, reading the third comment over and over.

there's a clear denominator here they had said. i mean, they're not necessarily wrong about that. you've been in bad relationships whereas chris has never dated anyone for a long period of time. in this light, of course you look like the bad guy. you can't technically blame their fans for judging you. you're easy to judge.

tears begin to prick your eye and you hand chris back his phone before wordlessly standing up from the bed and leaving his room. not once did he try to stop you or ask you to stay with him. you walk down the triplets' hallway and enter the bathroom, locking the door behind you and sitting down on the closed toilet seat.

you hold your face in your hands and try your hardest not to start crying over a bunch of teenagers talking shit on your name. but you can't help the intense weight on your chest and the lump in your throat.

to be honest, you don't give a shit about their insults. what you care about is the fact that they're right. you don't deserve someone like chris. he's so sweet and kind and understanding while you're irritable and skeptical of every little thing he does. you've done nothing to earn someone like him. maybe you have only ever been in toxic situations because that's what you deserve.

before you can stop them, tears begin to pour from your eyes. your cheeks become soaked with your pain. your entire body trembles as you sob into your hands, making it harder and harder to breathe correctly.

you love chris. you love him more than anything. you want to share the rest of your life with him. but you don't want to make him settle for less — the less in this case being your relationship. he deserves someone better. someone who won't snatch his phone from him when he's only trying to protect you from pain. someone who will let him call you pentanes because he loves them. someone who will be better. someone who's not you.

suddenly, you hear a knock at the door.

already knowing who it is, you tell chris to go away. your voice comes out shaky and hoarse, making it incredibly easy to know you'd been crying. the tone practically screams at him, saying that you're upset over something he tried to save you from in the first place.

"will you please let me in, baby?" chris asks. his voice is soft and gentle. you're suddenly craving the feeling of being in his arms. the feeling of being loved. the feeling of having him comfort you.

the greedy emotions you feel paired with the nickname makes it impossible to not open the door for him. you shuffle over to the door and let him in. you sit back down on the toilet seat, keeping your head downcast the whole time as to not see his face or show your tears.

you stare at the floor, watching his feet pad across the tiled floor before he stops in front of you. he drops to his knees so his face is in line with yours. you quickly turn away and stare at the shower curtain, letting your hair to cover your puffy eyes.

chris sighs before grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. he lifts his other hand to your hair, tucking it behind your ears so he can admire every inch of your beauty with no veil to cover the rawness of it. he lets out a shaky exhale, using his thumb to wipe away your tears. all the while, you keep your eyes pinned to his face. you watch every single movement he makes, knowing that you don't deserve any of the kindness he's offering you.

knowing that this relationship will not last forever, you begin to cry again. you lean forward and rest your forehead against chris's shoulder, allowing tears to pool from your eyes as he rubs a hand up and down your back.

"what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asks with his voice in a whisper. "i wanna know what you're thinking so i can tell you how irrational it is."

you laugh at him, but it just causes you to let out a choked sob. his humor is your favorite part about him. the fact that chris can make you laugh in any given situation is what you adore most. hearing him do it while you're thinking of how to break the news that you're leaving him so he can find someone better? this is gut wrenching.

"i love you." you tell him. "so, so fucking much."

"i love you too." he replies easily, not thinking anything of the fact that you're telling him this right now. but when you continue, chris begins to put the pieces together and he starts vigorously shaking his head in refusal.

"these past two years have been the best of my whole life," you tell him with a wavering voice. "but you deserve better. you deserve the world. and i can't offer that to you, chris."

"i don't want the fucking world." he says, grabbing you by the shoulders and pulling you to be in front of him to look you in the eyes. "i want you and only you."

"but-"

"no." he interrupts. "i don't give a single fuck what anyone else thinks. and i'm sorry, but i don't even really care what you think right now. because you're all wrong. i belong with you and i don't want anyone else even if i was paid a million dollars."

you stare at him with wide eyes, your dried tears still adorning your skin. the would could be ending outside, and you would stay in this bathroom and continue to stare at chris. his eyes are so gorgeously blue that you find yourself getting lost in them.

if you guys get married and live the rest of your lives together, your bodies will change. your skin will wrinkle. your hair will grey. your lips will thin. your hands will shake. your back will hunch. nothing about your appearance is permanent. nothing except the eyes. the shade, the hue, and the iris will all stay the same until they close for the last time. and you can't wait to look into chris's eyes for the rest of your life.

"i think you would be crazy to reject a million dollars for me." you tell him with a little giggle, wiping at your cheeks to rid them of the leftover tears.

chris's heart flutters at the sight of your smile, "there she is."

tags : @kasqnxx @lvrsparadise @prettysturniolo @strniolo @urmyslxt @cupidsturniolo @opheliaofficial07 @thetriplets3 @sturn1olo-ffics @uhnanix @deadxrx @kitaysworld @lovelysturniolo @wilmalovegood @ladylokilaufeyson5 @sturniolopepsi @strnilolo @knowingnothingnoel @its-jennarose @lea0518 @slaysturniolo @sturnlover @tcvazq