Please.

i am afraid of loss

i used to think i was afraid of dying but in actuality i am afraid of death and loss. i am afraid the idea of no longer existing whether it’s me or my family, i want no one to die but we also can’t live forever, the future scares me and i have no answers but i still can’t help but dwell in it, the idea of no longer being alive… i’m scared, please help

okay so miss you, i miss our talks and the friendship we had and it really sucks that you left and that we’re not talking anymore and i respect that a lot, i really do i understand your reason for leaving and know it wasn’t in bad terms but i wish we could talk again, every time i struggle in math i remember your attempt at explaining why you loved it and me simply not understanding the same way i explained my love for reading and you’d actually take my book suggestions regardless of the fact that you said you didn’t read or even like reading, i miss you in general and i wish that i could just mentally call you back into my life but i think y there is no higher power out there that can make that happen

I look at you and I would rather look at you

than all the portraits in the world

- Having a Coke With You by Frank O’Hara

I loved you, I always will,

and that’s the problem

because the sad reality is

that I’ll love you way more

than I will ever love myself..

MSI

<If Only>

If every word I said could bring you back,

and allow me to hear your voice once more

I’d talk endlessly

about everything under the sun.

- about the loss of a loved one

Journal Entry #1 | 07 Aug 2024

I feel like up until now I have been so confused about what I wanted to do with my life but I feel like I finally know. I know what I want to do. Maybe I am not in the right track to get there yet but I will be and it will all be amazing and life will look up. I will do whatever it takes for me to get there. I know what I have to do to get where I need to be. I just need to actually push myself to do it and I will because I am so excited to meet my goal and be where I need to be. I have to there is no more room for errors like the ones that I made recently.

♡ 18+ aesthetic blog ♡

I miss you more than I knew I would

and I hate it

because I promised myself

that I wouldn’t be that person,

the one who sits around

wondering how you are

and if you’re happy

but I couldn’t stop it and it sucks

because I wish I didn’t care.

I wish I felt nothing

but how can I feel nothing

for the person

who once made me feel everything.

MSI

Maybe forever wasn’t for us,

perhaps what we have right now

is all we’re meant to have...

is that so bad?

Let’s live forever right now,

love like there will be no tomorrow.

All we really need is right now.

MSI

<Right Now>