No One Talks About Leaving,

please.

I finally got it

I finally understand what everybody meant

when they would tell me that one day

I would fall in love

and I would understand what it was like

to be blatantly lost in someone.

I think it comes out of nowhere.

We don’t expect it,

it’s just there, one day

we realize that one person

can change our happiness

whether it be for the better

or for the worse

and we trust that they won’t hurt us

we just put blind trust

even though we never really know

but we don’t really care.

I think we do it for the momentary happiness

that might last a while,

maybe even forever

but we’re always slightly afraid that it will end

and we’ll go back to how we were before..

Strangers

but in the end we’re not really strangers

anymore...

MSI

<Please Don’t Break Me>

Journal Entry #1 | 07 Aug 2024

I feel like up until now I have been so confused about what I wanted to do with my life but I feel like I finally know. I know what I want to do. Maybe I am not in the right track to get there yet but I will be and it will all be amazing and life will look up. I will do whatever it takes for me to get there. I know what I have to do to get where I need to be. I just need to actually push myself to do it and I will because I am so excited to meet my goal and be where I need to be. I have to there is no more room for errors like the ones that I made recently.

I loved you, I always will,

and that’s the problem

because the sad reality is

that I’ll love you way more

than I will ever love myself..

MSI

<If Only>

And with every word you spoke

you made me feel as though

I was the best thing to ever happen to you

yet I still laid here at night

wondering when you’d leave

because all good things leave

and you were one amazing thing

I knew I couldn’t bare to lose...

MSI

<Bittersweet Nothings>

I always said the same thing

when asked about relationships

and the reason why I was never in one.

I said it so much it felt a bit rehearsed

but it was true.

I did not need anyone to be happy,

I did not need anyone to come

and step into my world

only to mess it up.

And for so long I kept that up

I let no one in for anything else

but a simple friendship because I knew

that if they left it would be okay

but you came one day and overtime

became that one person;

The one that I never wanted to let go of,

because things with you were great

you came

and became part of my happiness.

Now I am finding it hard to let you go

but I know I will be okay

because I have rehearsed a new line

and it goes a bit like this,

“I learned what love was and I will be okay”

because although I still leave your space

in our bed open as if you would lay there again

I know you won’t and maybe,

just maybe things were meant to be that way

because

I learned what love was

And for that I will forever thank you.  

M.S.I

And if we ever meet again

I’ll know it’s meant to be

but for now let’s live in this happiness

because we both know it won’t last forever

even though we truly wish it did.

MSI

<Living in the Moment Was Always Our Thing>

It’s like walking through a field of flowers

wearing a white flowy dress and you’re happy

you’re picking flowers and it’s a joy so immense

nobody can stop you, you’re free but then

you hit a wall, the flowers in your hands are not there

they’re replaced by rubbish, and then you look back

and it’s no longer the field of flowers.. it’s a mess

a mess that you have no choice but to fix

so you do, you walk back

and start piecing it all together and you’re sad

you’re guilty because you created such chaos

you beat yourself up about it as you see everything;

the people you hurt, the mistakes you made,

the good ideas that were actually bad ideas

then once it’s clean you’re excited.. it’s the field again

and you’re running through it again and it’s scary

because you never know where the wall is

when you’ll be stuck looking at the mess again

but you still enjoy it, you still love the flowers..

MSI

< Bipolar Disorder In My Words >

being in yr 20s is abt experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to the grocery store