Thinking About That One Post That Was Like

thinking about tarsus and the mirror universe, and wondering in what ways the events may or may not have differed between the two. how can an already nightmarish situation have been twisted even worse - and what kind of effect would that have on young james?

our jim likely came out of tarsus with an even deeper sense of compassion for his fellow man - kindness forged in fire. he’s been through such hardship and pain that all he wants to do is alleviate that in others - his idea of “let me help” perhaps being even more romantic than “i love you” being cultivated there

and what the mirror image of that must be. any sense of trust or heart mirror!kirk may have possessed as a child completely shattered - kindness quite literally starved away. he’s been through such hardship and pain, so why should everyone else get off easy?

Everyone wants to talk about how they fucked in the Honda Odyssey, but I want to talk about the sloppy makeout they had after destroying the Time Ripper.

Like, I'm sorry but Wade and Logan had a little moment where they each tried to go in to spare the other, and then Logan was yelling for Wade to come back and that he's going to die while banging on the glass desperately??

Wade doing everything he can to keep Logan out of danger, while Logan is using all his strength to get to Wade!?? And them linking hands?? Logan losing his shirt and Wade approving of his abs and v-line.

You CANNOT tell me they didn't crawl out of the rubble into each other's arms and in the heat of the moment sloppily making out because they're both still alive and they're glad the other is alive.

They were committed in that moment and I'm so proud of them.

Thinking so hard about Logan's faith

He really is a man that has lost everything. EVERYTHING. In every timeline, in every universe. So much loss and betrayal and pain.

This "worst" wolverine has absolutely nothing. No friends, no family, no xmen.

And yet he doesn't think life is unfair. TO HIM. He thinks life has been unfair to all the good and innocent people around him, but not to him. Because unlike him, those people deserved a good, long life that he's been cursed with.

And yet he's not a hopeless man, not really. Because after losing everything, it just takes Deadpool and Laura (two people he didn't previously know!!) to remind him that goodness exists. That purpose is something that he can still have, if he wants it.

And Logan believes. He believes so hard in them because, deep down, something in him knows that humanity is not only worth fighting for, but also that he wants to fight for it.

Deep down, despite everything, he wants be good (which he is, he just doesn't see it)

So, First Light wasn’t the first (ha) song from Unreal Unearth to grab me, but a couple days ago it hit me like a truck and I have so many thoughts?

As an album closer, First Light is the exhale, the emergence from hell, but I think it’s also sorta about Hozier, or the narrator rather, romanticizing the mundane? Like, these lines:

One bright morning changes all things Soft and easy as your breathing, you wake Your eyes open at first a thousand miles away But turning shoot a silver bullet point-blank range And I can scarce believe what I'm believing in Could this be how every day begins?

The narrator wakes up in bed with his new lover. At first they’re groggy, then they see him, and BOOM, that look, the one of recognition/love that completely pierces him to the soul, that makes him question if this is real, if this can last

The sky set to burst The gold and the rust The colour erupts You filling my cup The sun coming up

… it’s just the sunrise. Pretty colors on the horizon, and his lover pouring him a cup of coffee. Such an ordinary act, a commonplace moment, yet it means so much more.

Like I lived my whole life Before the first light Like I lived my whole life Before the first light

And yet that’s enough, to overwhelm him with this sense of change, of this new version of himself, of new joy so intense it obliterates all that came before…

One bright morning goes so easy Darkness always finds you either way It creeps into the corners as the moment fades A voice your body jumps to calling out your name But after this I'm never gonna be the same And I am never going back again

That morning, that moment, is lovely, but it’s ephemeral. Darkness can and does return, it always will. But his lover calls his name, and he can’t help but respond to it, and be changed by it, this new self he shares with a lover, the new self he will become even if it ends.

The only way is forward, and that’s the beauty and tragedy of it all. It happens to almost everyone, at some point or other, and it’s so normal but it matters so much.

I dreamed my mother killed me.

She had gotten angry because of something related with my friends, the fight grew and grew until she started screaming and throwing things, i was afraid, of course, but suddenly i started to laugh, because everything was dumb and i was tired and just wanted to sleep, that made my mom even more angry, thinking back at it, i guess this wouldn't really happen, because the cruel side would eventually come out and throwing things isn't the only thing she can do.

I dreamed it was time to go to bed and i was just miserable, but i hadn't cried, just like she would've wanted. After a comment cruel enough, a scream loud enough, a thing throwned strong enough, i lost my sanity, i guess.

I went inside the kitchen and grabbed a knife, i walked up to her and saw confusion in her eyes, with a bit of defiance, maybe; but the knife wasn't for her, i shoved it into her hands and pointed it to my wrist, i said: "You made me, you have the right to destroy me, ¿aren't you tired? Everything can be alright if you move, just a little", and she did, scarlet cascades started falling out of my wrist; seeing this she got alarmed, too late, i just told her: "If you already killed me then let me die in peace, i deserve at least that".

As i was climbing up the stairs, i woke up from my dream, my throat ached but i didn't cry, i just wished that is hadn't been a dream, so a wouldn't have to worry about everything i do, because one misstep and her laugh becomes sharp as a knife, ready to draw blood.

Wouldn't it be a perfect solution? Wouldn't she finally calm down if she threw the punch, if the drew blood? I don't know, i'm tired.

Deleted my earlier post cuz upon rewatch I realized Kirk did not leave the room the second Khan called him physically and mentally inferior. Dude has thicker skin than that.

It isn’t until Khan says that “we,” will live great in this new world that Kirk understands/gets confirmation of Khan’s intentions to remove everyone who he sees as lesser/an obstacle and continue conquering and rushes out.

Kirk can live with people thinking he’s inferior.

What he can’t live with is people imposing that belief on others. The tyranny. Which is why he left and tried to lock Khan in that room.

That said the tarsus IV stuff still works to add to Khan and Kirk’s rivalry cuz you have the product of eugenics vs self made captain who was nearly murdered in a genocide for being seen as less valuable.

I could literally KILL for an Aziracrow edit with "Like real people do" by Hozier

still cannot believe Star Trek canonically made an episode where the plot was ‘Spock goes into heat and is going to die unless he has sex but then he rolls around on the ground with Kirk and pins him down and chokes him and after that he’s fine". 

Also this episode establishes that touching and sharing thoughts is so intimate that it is used to seal an arranged marriage pact…in the same episode where in an earlier scene Kirk just casually grabs Spock’s hand and Spock seems cool with it. 

Oh. And ALSO. After Spock has explained to Kirk that he is in heat and needs to have sex or die he’s all “Captain, there is a thing that happens to Vulcans at this time. Almost an insanity, which you would no doubt find distasteful.“ And Kirk’s response is to kind of raise an eyebrow and say “Will I?” in a way that suggests very much the opposite.

I just. This show was something else huh. No wonder it manifested modern fandom and fanfiction culture. 

So like, From Eden is for the ineffable husbands ofc but like, what about Unknown? THAT is peak end-of-season-2-Aziracrow.

"You know the distance never made a difference to me I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea Ignored the vastness between all that can be seen And all that we believe So I thought you were like an angel to me"

Because Crowley would have done anything to keep Aziraphale safe, he helps and supports him even when he is in need, he loves saving his angel.

"It ain't the being alone (Sha-la-la) It ain't the empty home, baby (Sha-la-la) You know I'm good on my own (Sha-la-la)"

But it's not really a possessive thing, Crowley knows that he and Aziraphale are powerful supernatural beings, they are fine on their own, and they haven't been always together since the beginning of times.

"You called me angel for the first time, my heart leapt from me You smile now, I can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth And what's left of it, I listen to it tick Every tedious beat Going unknown as any angel to me"

But then, the end of season 2 happens and (i think) that for Crowley it is a betrayal, even after everything that has happened, Aziraphale, his angel, his love, still thinks it would be better if they both came back to heaven. So he leaves Aziraphale alone even though the words "i need you" have been said, because it's just not enough, for both of them. And Crowley still loves his angel, but in that moment he's just disgusted because the man he has spend thousand of years pining for suddenly turns into a stranger that doesn't know him at all.

"Do you know I could break beneath the weight? Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you That I'd walk so far just to take The injury of finally knowin' you"

And, of course, the bridge. I kind of picture it as the scene in the car, when the credits are rolling and we can perfectly see just how much disappointment and sadness Crowley is feeling. So he drives his car as fast as he can to try and run away from the love that destroyed him just a few moments ago.

"And there are some people, love, who are better unknown"