I Should Be Honest I’m Starting To Question How Realistic It Is For Me To Follow Through On My Detrans

me: *becomes an alcoholic but in a cute and sexy way*

Maybe might take a different angle with this stuff and try to aggressively feminize myself and see if that works. Bimbofication stuff sounds helpful, I’m just hesitant because I’m not a fan of the bimbo aesthetic. I’d rather be more of an egirl/emo type that just also happens to be dumb as rocks and extremely feminine.

Someone help me 🥺

Honestly tempted to shave and put on a pretty outfit and lots of makeup so I can jack off to myself in the mirror

I think the reason being a guy appeals to me is that when I have sexual fantasies I always picture myself in a male role partnered with a cis woman and i dont have fun any other way. In order to get in a situation like that long term I would have to be a guy, and I’m so confused about my identity just in general that that sounds extremely appealing…

What's the most depraved thing you've done for the sake of getting off?

A lot of my answers to this would be some variation of pretending to be someone I’m not. My biggest kink is transformation and that has led to me doing some catfishing or giving falsehoods about my identity.

I think specifically the thing I feel most guilty about is when I was doing some detrans rp and I sent a pic of my face and they *recognized me* (I know I keep alluding to my micro-celebrity but I’m really not that famous, still, sometimes people know who I am) and I, in my horny daze, decided it would be super hot if I pretended to be some random person catfishing as myself. This really hurt the person I had been talking to as they had previously seen me as kind of a role model and they got really upset and threatened to blackmail me. All that sent me into a deep depression and resulted in me not uploading any videos for months.

Not really a sexy answer, more of a sad one, but this blog is nothing if not honest.

What makes you feel like a girl? Asking so you know what to get rid of.

Oh that’s an interesting question with a complicated answer and I’m not quite sure I’m in the headspace to answer it thoroughly.

To be perfectly honest I’m intersex, my genitals are mostly the same for a male so it wasn’t super explicitly obvious at first, but a lot of other things were not normal for me, so my experience with biological sex when I started puberty was not typical for a male, and I grew breasts and didn’t have much testosterone. I identified more strongly with being a girl in middle school because I felt like I related to the girls in my class more than the boys and even my experiences with my body developing made me feel like I wasn’t anything like “normal” boys. I don’t know if I mentioned this here but I actually initially transitioned in middle school and don’t even really have much experience with being male besides a window of a few years as a teenager when i gave it a shot.

My voice sounds like a cis woman’s voice, and to even sound male at all it hurts a bit after a while and doesn’t even necessarily sound convincing, my mannerisms and behaviors are typically feminine, I just generally don’t come across as male in any way.

Lately I’ve had short hair, I’ve been wearing hoodies and jeans, sometimes I don’t shave for a week.

It’s still “here’s your food honey!” “we’ll be right with you miss” “have a nice day ma’am” and men asking if I have a boyfriend, guys talking down to me and over-explaining things… It has always been this way for me. I have much more experience living the typical life of a girl and then as a woman. Even when I tried to be a guy from around age 16 to 19 it was extremely fake and I wasn’t very good at it and people still assumed I was a girl sometimes. I’d get the occasional “oh I thought you were just a tomboy” from kids I didn’t know that well in high school.

So, everything about me is female. I’m basically a cis girl with male genitals. I never had any shot of being a man. I think that’s why detrans kink is so hot to me? but it’s also why it’s so impractical.

I’m like actively trying to be a guy lately and failing, so idk what to do. I’m probably just an intersex girl.

Normalize cute, cis-passing trans girls throwing it all away and becoming hairy, masculine, straight alpha males.

Normalize pretty trans icons that inspired a new generation of trans girls completely transforming into perverted, transphobic dude bros.

Normalize girls that started hrt early and never finished male puberty going off estrogen and letting their real adult body finally develop.

Yes this is from personal experience. Yes I used to be a slightly well known trans Internet personality. No, I'm certainly not anymore :)

and at this point it's much more than just a kink.

I have been skipping my hrt most of this year. Even when I have doubts about detrans I still usually don’t take it. I haven’t really noticed many changes yet, besides it being easier to get an erection and developing a tiny bit more facial hair, but the reason I’m doing it is for my breeding kink :P

I might delete this account and replace this blog with a similar new one because I made the mistake of making this my main blog lol

When you honestly can’t tell what’s kink thoughts/beliefs and what’s your real thoughts/beliefs anymore…guess it means the brainwashing/conditioning is working? 😅 still don’t know if that’s good or bad…