Latest Posts by carissima10 - Page 3
i am holding my loneliness and she is a teenage girl with puffy eyes, and i love her more than i have ever loved anyone
by the way, being a good person doesn't mean you won't make mistakes. being a good person doesn't mean you won't let people down. that's all
People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.
I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.
I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.
There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me
what do u do when it’s the right person but wrong wrong WRONG time
then they're not the right person after all!
i'm very tight w my biochemistry professor. she's literally a second mom to me. and when i was really struggling w my breakup i actually spoke to her about this whole concept of "right person, wrong time" (or any of its derivatives). she was like. that's misleading. a right person is not just their personality. a right person is the timing, the circumstances, where they are (in every sense of the word), where you are (in every sense of the word). so many factors go into what makes a right person. if a crucial factor doesn't align, they're not the right person and they're not for you. wasting time getting bogged down in the "what ifs" is useless bc they will never happen! your reality is what's right in front of you, and that's what you're working with. period.
wrong time = wrong person. the right person will be the right personality, the right time, the right everything. they will simply be meant for you; will fit you like lock and key. i so ardently believe that.
they tell you a girl is a haunted house but what they really mean is a girl is a haunted house that’s desperately trying to repurpose itself into a beautiful overgrown garden where sunlight shyly seeps in through soot-stained windows
"I wish you joy" Jane Austen, from a letter to her brother Frank (26 July 1809)
Sometimes you just have to look at someone who’s being unnecessarily rude or unkind or hostile towards you & wrinkle your nose & go “it’s not that deep. you’re so weird for thinking it’s that deep” & then go back to your happy fulfilling life that will forever be independent of how people perceive u
I know it is my father's first time on this Earth, too. And I know He had it worse when he was little.
But I was little too.
— Franz Kafka, from letters to his father
This dunya — no matter how much you love it, it will never love you back.
Hi could you do a post on those weirdly close same gender friendships that were more than a friendship that end really abruptly and dramatically you have before completely figuring out that you're gay?
yiyun li the book of goose \\ vogue taiwan june 2022 \\ john burnside the dumb house \\ james baldwin giovanni's room \\ faye wei wei a flutter of wildflowers (2022) \\ wendy cope from june to december: "summer villanelle" \\ @frachella \\ faye wei wei if i had one more ticket would you come with me (2022)
kofi
the leaves are going orange….? babe put on when harry met sally right this minute
no yeah i cant hang out sorry. yeah im hugging my pillow in bed today. yeah no itll be for a while. maybe for forever. OK bye
Girls when there are books to be read and spooky movies to be watched but they have responsibilities they must tend to
lindsey drager, the archive of alternative endings
as if I'd pass up the opportunity to draw sad Geto
please don’t be mean to me i will literally be on my deathbed replaying it in my head asking myself why i’m such a unique annoyance to society
i feel like all i do is watch people and notice all the beautiful things about them and try to understand them fully and no one does that for me … sometimes i feel like i’m just a mirror to reflect people back to themselves. a vessel for love and that’s it… i make everyone else into poetry and no one else sees me the way i see them it’s so depressing
something i wrote while i was still in school because i have no motivation </3
written messily with a nearly dried-out, green whiteboard marker was the dilemma sugawara was facing at ten in the morning.
he had bursted into his classroom late and out of breath, loosening his tie and anxiously carding a hand through his unruly hair as he made his way over to his desk, apologizing for his tardiness.
sugawara was a likable teacher, one that graduated students always came back to visit and one that shared the same humor as his students. he was one of few that made lessons enjoyable and a class students always looked forward to knowing they’d be listening to his humorous lectures. his well liked reputation exempted him from the students’ typical impatience, especially considering that sugawara never called them out on their lates. but they were definitely curious as to what had gotten their favorite laidback teacher so anxious looking.
he looked disheveled as he sorted through papers in his briefcase, trying to organize himself as the time he typically spent doing so before the school bell rang was long past. the students chuckled under their breaths and exchanged looks as their teacher drew out a long sigh. before any of them could ask what exasperated him so, he straightened up and addressed the class. “i screwed up.”
“what happened, sir?” a boy who sat near the back of the classroom called out, and suga’s eyes darted between his students and the whiteboard before he made his way over to write something down. he uncapped an old marker sitting on the ledge, a loud squeak emitting from every line he wrote. he only responded: “we’re doing a poll.”
the students stared curiously at their teacher’s back, craning their heads to make out the words. eventually, he stepped to the side to reveal what he had written.
how do i apologize to my spouse for taking their car keys?
the class was immediately in an uproar.
“you took their keys, sir? that’s why you came late?”
“yes,” sighed sugawara as he walked back toward his desk and collapsed into the leather chair behind it, holding his head against his hand. “i drove all the way back home to return them.”
“they couldn’t take yours?”
he fished around in his pocket with his opposite hand before pulling out two sets of keys. the class let out a sound between a groan and a laugh. “i didn’t realize i already had mine in my jacket.”
“were they late to work?”
“of course they were late.” groaned out sugawara, rubbing his hands down his face.
“were they mad?”
only when suga had arrived at the school building and pulled out your keys to lock his car did his heart drop at the realization of his mistake. he immediately got back into his car and drove the whole 30 minute ride home to return your keys, calling the school to inform them of his lateness. his heart dropped to his stomach when immediately afterward, your contact flashed onto his screen. he hesitantly answered the call, tumbled (practically shouted) out, “i have your keys”, before hanging up, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.
annoyed you definitely were at the inconvenience, but your husband's profuse apologies made it hard to stay angry. you quickly rushed out the door and urged him to return back to school. the guilt was still eating at him, which is why he wanted to do something to make up for the trouble.
underneath the question written on the board were three different options given in response.
flowers
chocolate
all of the above
“your answer is obvious.” another boy called out from the front end of the room before suga could respond to the previous question. the class exclaimed in agreement.
the vote was unanimous, and when you returned home from a long day ready to collapse into bed and laugh at the absurdity of the situation from that morning now that you were no longer in it, you were met with an arrangement of your favorite flowers wrapped in pretty packaging, an assortment of different chocolates, and a goofy (but deadly sincere) apology letter tucked away in the bouquet on your living room table.
and though your irritation had long died out, you certainly weren’t rejecting suga’s smothering affection as you entered your shared bedroom, and you certainly weren’t going to turn down his offer to run you a nice bath as an apology either.
Virginia Woolf, Night and Day/Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
i’m not religious but man. sometimes i can’t help but hope that there’s someone out there listening to me
where does it go. all this love. where does it go
i love being the exception in all my self ships.
he would hate being called daddy okay but when i say it he gets hard and tells me to say it again
that character wouldn’t get married he started looking at engagement rings after the third date with me
he wouldn’t like bubbly, sweet girls he sees me and his entire world lights up and he can’t bear to be apart from my warmth and my laughter
that character would prefer a different body type over yours he saw me naked once and now can’t ever get me out of his head, and can’t wait to have his hands on me again
that character wouldn’t want kids yeah well with me he wants to give me a baseball team
(that’s the beauty and fun self shipping, you personalize it to make it comforting and fun for you)