It’s For You

Look at this topical meme I made Idea from @tendeadfishinakiddypool

Catch me crying about Opportunity’s (aka Mars rover) last words being  “My battery is low and it is getting cold” while being knocked down in a freezing Martian storm.

me: *is bored for 0.5 seconds*

me: i wanna learn how to work wood. i need to build a boat

The Treesqueak is a Fearsome Critter that is said to reside in the forests of North America. It is a commonly seen Fearsome Critter and looks much like a weasel but has the ability to change color and wrap itself around tree limbs that is “chameleon-like”. The Treesqueak is said to have a number of different calls: “a whine like a panther, a squeal like a young pig, and sometimes a roar like a bunch of cannon crackers at a shotgun wedding”. 

it’s a known fact that nasa = gay. have you ever seen a straight person wearing a nasa tee? no, ofc not. we’ve got the moon. now mars. next thing you know it’s the entire solar system. boom the milky way. the gays are spreading, in this essay i will

dude seeing these Mega high quality images of the surface of mars that we now have has me fucked up. Like. Mars is a place. mars is a real actual place where one could hypothetically stand. It is a physical place in the universe. ITS JUST OUT THERE LOOKING LIKE UH IDK A REGULAR OLD DESERT WITH LOTS OF ROCKS BUT ITS A WHOLE OTHER PLANET? 

of course i have a lot of pent-up rage you fool i’ve been the same height since i was 12

gosh but like we spent hundreds of years looking up at the stars and wondering “is there anybody out there” and hoping and guessing and imagining

because we as a species were so lonely and we wanted friends so bad, we wanted to meet other species and we wanted to talk to them and we wanted to learn from them and to stop being the only people in the universe

and we started realizing that things were maybe not going so good for us– we got scared that we were going to blow each other up, we got scared that we were going to break our planet permanently, we got scared that in a hundred years we were all going to be dead and gone and even if there were other people out there, we’d never get to meet them

and then

we built robots?

and we gave them names and we gave them brains made out of silicon and we pretended they were people and we told them hey you wanna go exploring, and of course they did, because we had made them in our own image

and maybe in a hundred years we won’t be around any more, maybe yeah the planet will be a mess and we’ll all be dead, and if other people come from the stars we won’t be around to meet them and say hi! how are you! we’re people, too! you’re not alone any more!, maybe we’ll be gone

but we built robots, who have beat-up hulls and metal brains, and who have names; and if the other people come and say, who were these people? what were they like?

the robots can say, when they made us, they called us discovery; they called us curiosity; they called us explorer; they called us spirit. they must have thought that was important.

and they told us to tell you hello.

Me, banging together pots and pans in a field at 3am: wOW IT SURE WOULD SUCK IF SOME ALIENS CAME TO ABDUCT ME RIGHT NOW-