We All Know The Superman Meme Of The Destroyed Building Behind Him… Well This Game Me This Idea! It

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I couldn’t stop thinking about all those “Justice League plays F/M/K with the local billionaire population and Batman must sit there and suffer awkwardly” posts so I decided to flip it round a bit

It’s a miracle I made it through this I was laughing so fucking hard the whole time

Jason’s Titan’s Tower Attack AU

Bruce: *gets the notification of an attack 2 hours too late because of Hood’s hacking*

Bruce: *rushes to the Titan’s Tower, scared that Tim’s dead*

Bruce: *runs into the Tower’s living room and shouts with a breaking voice*

Bruce: Robin? ROBIN?! Where are you?!

Tim: *excitedly dashes into the room with a plate of cookies*

Tim: Look, B! We made cookies! Try them!

Bruce: *confused af, tries one*

Bruce: They… taste like Jason’s…

Bruce: *ready to burst into tears*

Tim: That’s because we made them together. Duh!

Jason: *waltzes in without helmet or mask but in full gear*

Jason: Well, Baby Bird, that’s it for today. Next bird sitting session will cost ya, old man!

Jason: *zetas away with a cheeky smirk*

Tim: Bruce, can I have another playdate with Jay?

Bruce: *Bruce.exe stopped working*

Much like Battinson is the opposite of the slutty womanizer socialite we usually think Bruce is, my headcanon about the new Superman is that he's the opposite of the dork shy nerd we usually think about Clark Kent.

So for me this new Clark is a bisexual disaster with much more experience he would admit as a polite midwestern.

I can picture him rollerskating 80s style, in shorts and crop top, big headphones on, sweaty scatterd curls...

Just umparalled unashamed sluttines. All Smallville eyes are glued on him.

Poor Kents had to send him study in Metropolis because people started to talk - not about his superpowers though.

He's a menace and he needs to be contained.

jason [monologuing]: — after me there aren’t any other robins hurt at the hands of the joker, and i intend to keep it that way

tim [remembering the joker junior incident]: sure…

jason: wdym by that replacement?.. robin? tim what are you talking about!??

Damian, bursting into the living room, tears streaming down his face and rage in his eyes: TODD YOU UTTER BASTARD!

Jason, looking up from his book, confusion from being yelled at shifting to unbridled glee: whoa there brat, what did I do?

Damian, screaming wordlessly as he throws a pillow at Jason: WHY! WHY DID NAGISA HAVE TO DIE! WHY DID YOU SAY I MUST WATCH SUCH...SUCH HORRID THINGS!

Dick, rushing in as he heard yelling: Dami? Jay? What happened? Who died?

Jason, cackling and fallingnoff his chair: Oh my god...oh sweet baby Jesus...

Damian, running to Dick and clinging onto him: Todd told me to watch a show called Clannad...He is evil and must be exterminated.

Dick, hugging Damian back out of instinct but blinks confused: Wait...that old anime from like...07? Wait no...oh Dami...Jason why?

Jason, picking himself up from the floor: The brat spoiled One Piece for me, he deserved it.

Damian, muffled as he had his face squished into Dicks side: ALL I SAID WAS THAT ACE DIED HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE DEAD!

Jason, pointing at the boy: HE WAS ACTUALLY SO COOL! WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE!

Dick, stricken with "my brothers are weebs" face: I should have just stayed with Wally this week

things that make Gotham criminals say “oh shit”:

Batman showing up to the hideout and not asking any questions

Nightwing cracking his escrima sticks together with 0 witty banter or foreplay

Red Hood when his hands are shaking

Injured Robin and Batman known to be in near proximity 

Any sightings of Batman on Robin II’s death anniversary

Superman in Gotham without an escort

Batman speeding through the Narrows on a motorcycle and not the Batmobile

Red Hood abandoning his guns and throwing punches instead

Robin fighting with a sword and 0 supervision

Jim Gordon trying to quit cigarettes for the 19th time on the night shift

Any captured Batkid too injured/tired/frightened to taunt the responsible criminals

Batman bleeding and/or missing any major parts of his armor

Any Bat vigilante other than Duke outside during daylight hours

Tim: I can’t tell dick?? I don’t want him to think I’m crazy or not trustworthy bc I’m doing something reckless??!

Jason who saw Dick make out with a mark to steal something from his pocket when Dick was 17:…

Bruce who saw Dick jump off a moving plane and hum the song “I need a hero” instead of calling for Superman:

Wally who say Dick go fuck it and infiltrate a sex trafficking ring as a stripper bc someone said he was too pretty to work for the mob:

Roy who has smacked dick out of delusions 15 times too many:

Clark who saw dick stay in a radioactive city for vibes:

Diana who has heard Donna’s concerned ramblings since she was like 12:

Damian who saw that Dick turned the bat ears into projectiles that can electrocute you:

Steph who saw the same thing:

Tim who refuses to believe Dick Grayson can do anything that isn’t brilliant, premeditated and completely the best option: I CANT HE’ll be so disappointed:(

Video by The Panda Redd on TikTok

Bruce not experiencing Damian’s baby and toddler years was probably for the best, because can you imagine how sickeningly sweet and positively over-the-top he would’ve been?

Damian would’ve been dressed in those adorable animal, character, and theme onesies. Halloween? Pumpkin that baby. Christmas? Lil baby angel outfit. Hanukkah? You’re a latke now, sweet boy. It’s Tuesday? Guess you’re a starfish today, baby. A limitless amount of adorable, ridiculous outfits.

And don’t let the facade of high-society sophistication and propriety fool you—Bruce would’ve been calling that baby everything but his name. Stinky man, my lil boo boo, baby boy, sweetheart, goober. When Damian sees a cow for the first time and goes “moo”? Guess your name’s Moo Moo now. What? I could just call him Dami? No, thank you. His name is Squish today. He will be Chubby Bunny tomorrow. No, I am not taking notes or suggestions.

Randos trying to touch or hold Damian? Be prepared to catch a whole Batfamily’s worth of hands. No, don’t look at my baby—bitch, I said don’t look at my baby. See, you looked at him, and now I have to buy your whole life on a discount. Look at what you made me do.

My absolute favorite baby brothers ugh