When You Cycled By, Here Began All My Dreams

I think if we ever got bi declan real it would have been done in like a one paragraph anecdote in his internal monologue about the most boring gay experience in the world and never brought up again. like at some point he would've been like 'once declan had slept with a senator's son, a man with the false american charm and loud presence of one used to getting what they wanted, for the political advantage. he had left promptly the next morning as if merely returning from a meeting, and had spent almost a whole hour staring at guido reni's st sebastian which he had stolen from the dulwich gallery without anyone noticing. the twisting, erotic form of the man seemed untouchably alien to anything declan could reach. what declan had felt the night before was merely a polite transaction - nothing like the passion this saint achieved just by dying' and it would leave us still kinda uncertain as whether or not that means he's actually into men or not

Do you ever think about how intrinsically a jujutsu sorcerer's cursed technique is tied to who they are

Yeah me neither

he loves his younger brothers so deeply he can't function without them. his entire sense of self is predicated on service to his family. he is everyone's least favorite family member. he hates his brothers. he needs to be needed by them because he's never felt wanted. he has the shape of Matthew's forehead and the texture of his curls memorized. goodbye to whatever Declan Lynch would have grown up to be. his mother isn't real and maybe that's why he doesn't love her like he should. keeps an attic full of paintings that make him feel things tucked out of sight where no one can ever see him do it. he drives a 4 hour round trip every sunday to worship a god he no longer believes in because it's the only time Ronan concedes to spend with him. he dates three girls all with the same name and knocks his mother's wedding ring down the garbage disposal. he is a perpetual motion machine, never alone but always lonely. coffee and antacids and sleeping pills so he won't dream. he misses his father so much it hurts. he curses his father's name with every breath. trained so thoroughly to lie that telling even innocuous truths feels like giving something away. "fuck, do not fall in love with this girl." he's his father's only natural-born child. his father doesn't remember his birth. he was the first to love Ronan and so Ronan lived. off the rack suits and italian leather shoes. he wakes up every day wishing he didn't have to. goes to work, goes to school, takes Matthew to organ practice. his mother isn't his mother but his mother left him behind so maybe that's for the best. he gets beaten bloody by the hitman that killed their father and neither of his brothers pick up the phone when he calls to make sure they're alive. he still drives 4 hours to share a pew with them.

it's them

thinking about adam parrish as "adam" parrish, the first man- not able to rely on anyone else, needing to do everything for himself. the constant fear hanging over his head of returning to the (henrietta) dust from which he was made, of never outgrowing his upbringing.

blue sargent, whose name immediately evokes strangeness- and ronan lynch, whose name immediately evokes violence.

noah czerny, who is known by his first and last names independently - acknowledged only for his self (gangsey), or only for his family's wealth (whelk). either way, always fragmented and never the whole of who he used to be.

richard campbell gansey iii, who goes by gansey, his family name. gansey, who is constantly trying to live for other people and never himself.

I can imagine Gansey in the future gets a job as a professor of ancient Welsh history at some small prestigious school and starts teaching about Glendower but has to leave so much out.

“-then, Glendower’s corpse was found some years ago and left to the hands of the proper historical authorities.”

“Who found it professor?”

“Well, about that actually-“

Or being interviewed for some scholarly journal about him ACTUALLY discovering Glendowers tomb

“So, Mr.Gansey, how did you know where to find Glendower?”

And he’s mentally freaking out because obviously he can’t say the magic birds and the magic sentient forest his eldritch dream god bestie created led him there in the middle of the night.

So he’s all like “Years of research. I also followed the ley lines and asked a few psychics. And performed a few rituals.”

But apparently that’s also not a good answer because the interviewer looks personally offended.

I don’t know I just really like the idea of Normal Guy Gansey being forced to act like his life isn’t insane and magical. And him pretending to not have died twice, because I know for a FACT that changed him in ways. He’s just slightly more unsettling now. I think I need a whole different post about him coming back to life the second time actually.

y'all remember when chainsaw man said "capitalism and abuse makes people so lonely and isolated that they risk their own integrity and well being just to have an normal life and be loved" and now it's saying "to meet someone who understands you and you relate to is disturbing and disgusting and so annoying but now you'll never be alone again and you would give everything to keep them" yea that fucks me up a little

fighting again...

gansey would be an avatar of the hunt send post

experiencing emotions previously only felt by that guy from the mountain goats