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Domestic Violence Awareness

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/16/private-violence-documentary-domestic-violence_n_5991892.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

This movie was created to answer the most commonly asked question from anyone whom hears about domestic violence. "Why doesn't she leave?"

As someone who has lived on both sides of the fence the movie hits close to home. I too in my early dating years (16-20) would see guys at school acting like total jerks and being verbally, emotionally, and at times even physically abusive towards their girlfriends. I too would watch in judgement and think "Why does she stay with him?" In cases where I knew the girl I would even pose the question directly to her and insist she think more of herself and leave him.

Than I became part of the stigma myself and realized first hand that it is not always easy to "just leave" a guy.

Mistake #1 was exactly like so many other text book abusers. He was charming, attentive, affectionate, and fun loving. Treated me like a princess and invited me out everywhere with him. Convinced me he enjoyed being around me so much he'd rather not see his friends at all if they weren't cool with me tagging along. Then we moved in together and it all slowly started to degrade. Passive aggressive comments, demeaning criticism of my cooking\cleaning\appearance\etc. Rushing me home whenever I went to visit my parents or siblings. Limiting my outside contact little by little until I had no outside contact without him at my side. I eventually got tired of the nonsense after a few short months and tried to argue with him to remove the leash and set things back to the way they were or I would leave him. That was the first time he punched me in the face. (or hit me in any way) Text book reaction was for him to drop to his knees beside me begging forgiveness and passive aggressively convincing me it was my fault for getting him so worked up and making him do it. Foolishly I forgave him after a few days of silent treatment and him being the old attentive, loving guy he was before we moved in together. Then he hit me again. I realized he was an abuser and thing were only going to get worse if I stayed. So I gave my mom control of my bank accounts, had her put me on an "allowance" to get by from one check to the next, and use the money I had her force me to save to get a new apartment. I moved out while he was at work with no note or forwarding address. I called all my banks and credit cards directly to change my address and left the post office unaware I moved. In case he managed to inquire about where I was forwarding to. Several months later he found me outside a 7-11 and followed me home. Without me having seen him that day or the days to follow in which he stalked me to learn my schedule. He showed up at my job feigning as if he just then stumbled upon me and caused a scene trying to convince me to go back home with him. I was mindful to have not been followed home that night but I did not realize he already knew where I was. Around 1am he cut the phone line and power to my place and broke in. Dragged me out of bed and out of the apartment kicking and screaming. No one came, and no one called the police. Lights went on in windows and went back off. No one came out. No one wanted to get involved. He dragged me into the woods behind my building and proceeded to beat me. By the grace of God I got the knife away from him and cut his ass from ear to ear instead of letting him cut mine. It was a fast desperate swipe to get him away from me and the knife was apparently dull for the wound was not fatally deep. Seems even the Devil was there to protect his own that night. I didn't bother to run back to my apartment as I knew the door was broken off the hinges. I had no safety there. Instead I ran through the buildings, out the other side of the complex, and to that 7-11. I called the police from inside the store. It took 20mins from when he dragged me out of my bed to when I got to that store at the bottom of the hill and not one neighbor had called it in yet. My faith in humanity was lost that night. He went to prison and I haven't seen him since.

Mistake #2 (Because apparently God felt one was not enough) was significantly harder to escape. The story began the exact same as the first. It was 3yrs after the first mistake and there was 2 short non-abusive relationships between these two bad men. This nightmare lasted over a year however. After a year of dating we decided to move in together. He didn't waste time breaking me into his control like the first one did. Once he was under my roof it was over. No subtle verbal and\or emotional abuse. He went straight for the "We live together now. That makes you my wife and you have to respect me and do as I say." the first week in. I tried to rebel but this one was twice my size and would bench more than I weighed every morning. He beat me, put me through walls, tore down dead bolted doors by slamming me into them repeatedly. He took me to and from work, left a friend of his outside my job while he went to make his own money to ensure I didn't run from work, and didn't let me see my family at all. I couldn't even close the door when I pee'd because he KNEW if given 10secs of privacy I'd jump from that 2nd floor window and run for my life. 

I finally swallowed my pride after 8 months and told my boss what was happening to me at home. God Bless that man he was so damn kind to me. He checked the employee records to see who lived the furthest and found a guy in Receiving lived an hour away. Talked to him about letting me stay with him for a week, gave me my 2 week vaca time early, and smuggled me out the store via the loading docks in back. Convinced any who came by that I left on my lunch break and never came back. Then promoted me to a management position so I could work in the back offices instead of on the sales floor. Kept me hidden for over a month while I looked for a new place. Then someone came in looking for a job and was sent to me to be interviewed because the boss was away. The guy was one of my psycho ex's friends. He showed up there that same night and began tearing the store apart looking for me. The boss was urged by his boss to let me go. Walking to the train station to ride back to the safe house I'd been staying at he rolled up in a car I never seen before and took me. I was captive for a month before my family decided to send news to me threw his father in PA that my grandmother was dieing and I was expected at the hospital to say goodbye. We didn't travel into PA for a week. So when the message got to me she had passed and it was actually the day before her burial. To my surprise his father realized what his son was doing to me and actually beat the crap out of him and threw him out of his house. Leaving me inside to call and wait for my family to get me. His father rescued me and I haven't looked back since.

The moral of the stories here is that you can't always assume to know the whole story from witnessing one fight. You can't possibly phantom the ugly truth of what may or may not be happening in a home when you see a couple fight. It could be just what you see or something way worse behind the scenes. For all you know she does try to leave, but has not yet succeeded. Some die trying to leave. Some succeed but not for long. That fight you could be seeing is him having found her after she left. Walking away could mean the difference between her ever being seen again.

CALL THE COPS!! So what if it turns out he's not a woman beater and they were just arguing and they get mad at you for butting in? Better to be wrong about the depth of the danger in this way then the other. Could you really live with your conscious if you read about her body turning up three days later?

We do try to leave!!! Leaving just isn't always as clean cut as one not in the situation thinks it is. Watch the movie and learn something.

Diversity is human nature

I shook my head and “tsk” at the people who up-roared over the Cheerios commercial. Thought to myself “Why do some people go out of their way to hate?” More to the point “Why do they go even further out of their way to spread their hate and try to convince the masses it is ‘Gods’ will to hate, segregate, oppress, and degrade?” People are not born to hate. Babies do not show disgust or fear towards specific types of people. Nor do they act out towards any specific types of people. If anything, the first time a child is instructed to not associate or communicate with a specific class of person they respond with confusion and request to know why. Hate, in any form is taught. Taught to us by our parents, family, and their churches.

If God created people in his image, than how we are born is how he wants us to be. As it is the true reflection of who his is. Those who carry hate and live to teach it and preach it are the ones going against God. Not those who believe in human equality for all and the right to live how you feel fits you.

Let’s all remember something here. Every book of God was written by MAN. Years after Jesus lived and died. Originally written to preserve the story of Jesus and the words of God as they had been told. We all know how the telephone game works right? I think every child has played it at one point in their life. Things get lost in time and re-told inaccurately.

The scriptures are man’s interpretation of God’s word. His understanding of what God wanted based on the how history was re-told to them at the time they were written. The variations to follow were just yet another man’s interpretation of what God meant for his children. So in all honesty, because Jesus himself never wrote a book to tell us what God wanted for us, no one KNOWS what is wrong or right. What is sin and what is not. What God will forgive us for and what he will not.

Those who preach hate and throw stones (metaphoric or other) at people who live differently than the “good” book says we should be living... THEY may actually be the ones to be judged at the pearly gates. Deemed the true sinners who betrayed God’s will for not being humble, kind, forgiving, loving, and compassionate to all fellow man regardless of skin color, sexual orientation, or if they married before having sex and never divorced. NOBODY KNOWS!! Let me say that again. NO - BODY KNOWS!!! The bibles are not FACT. So drop your stones and just live and let live.

BRAVO to J&J for their latest series of ads!!! You get it!!

Truth about parenting

Parenting takes more then just buying your kids gifts on Christmas and birthdays, and calling them several times a week. While money is also needed to pay for their cost of living. Child support payments DO NOT make up for lack of parenting.

Parenting takes love, understanding, compassion, encouragement, mentoring, and TIME. A lot of time to get all of that done for them. Children aren't some magical being that poofs into your life out of thin air and says, "You look like you need some chaos in your life. I'm moving in with you and calling you Dad\Mom". They have no say in when they are made, born, or to whom they are raised. WE make them, WE choose to carry them to term and birth them, WE choose to raise them. Until they turn 18, 16 in some states, they can't walk away from us and raise themselves. So we, as the responsible "adult" should owe up to our choices and actually do them in full. Not in part, or when it's convenient for us to.

Children need us to teach them how to dress, tie their shoes, make a basic (non-stove using) meal\snack for themselves, go potty alone, bath themselves, pick up their room when they are done playing, change the TV themselves, put in a movie on their own, read\write, tell time, count, add, talk, basic social skills, etc. They should be independent by age 13. At which point they need us to teach them responsibility and accountability of their own actions, and finding their way in life. (and now too, how to cook stove using meals) So they can take all that we've taught them in their first 13 years of life and apply them in actual day to day life. So that when they are legally old enough to be accountable as adults, they actually can be productive ADULTS that can support themselves.

Too often in families in which the parents are no longer in a relationship together. The non-custodial parent thinks acknowledging the child's existence is better then walking completely out of their lives like some worse parents do and never seeing or speaking to the child again. They do the bare minimal to be in their child's life and think that entitles them to be called Dad or Mom. NO IT DOESN'T! If you constantly have excuses to not be at school functions, to not be at their rehearsal\practice\games\etc, to not help them with their homework, to not take your child for a day or a weekend, or even a freaking afternoon... You do not deserve to be called anything then by your birth name. If you are nothing more then a paycheck and a phone call then you should be greeted on the phone by your child as "John" not Daddy, or "Mary" not Mom.

A 5 minute phone call to say 'hey how ya doing?' a few times a week makes you nothing more then a family friend. Hell, there are likely to be actual family friends that do more then you if that's all you do. Child support makes you nothing but a financial backer to the child's life. It does not make you a parent. You are not teaching that child anything other then how to be an irresponsible slacker.

Step up your game boys and girls!!! Children do grow up to see you for the worthless person you are to them and resent\hate you for it.

You kids today with your “cloud computers” and your “Googly Docs”…

One day I will have this with a man, and this will be our wedding march... lol (The instrumental of course)

I LOVE MY LIFE!!

What is “Fascism” exactly?

At the core, Fascism is a political ideology that can differ significantly from one movement to another. By definition the philosophy, movement, or regime exalts nation and often race above the individual. To stand for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition. All variations of fascism we’ve seen throughout history have many characteristics in common. Including extreme militaristic nationalism, contempt for electoral democracy, political & cultural liberalism, a belief in natural social hierarchy, and the rule of elites. At its heart, fascism is about premising the needs of one group, often defined by race and ethnicity, over the rest of humanity in a nation.

Global History of Fascism

There was a mass movement that dominated many parts of central, southern, and eastern Europe between 1919 and 1945. It also had adherents in western Europe, the US, South Africa, Japan, Latin America, and the Middle East.  

National Fascisms: These parties cam into power in several countries between 1922 and 1945.

The National Fascist Party (Partito Nazionale Fascista) in Italy was led by Benito Mussolini. He took the name of his party from the Latin word fasces. Which referred to a bundle of elm or birch rods (usually containing an ax) used as a symbol of penal authority in ancient Rome. He was Europe’s first fascist leader.

The National Socialist German Workers Party (Nationalsozialistiche), or Nazi Party, was led by Adolf Hitler.

Representing Hitler’s National Socialism movement, the Fatherland Front (Vaterlandische Front) in Austria was Engelbert Dollfuss, supported by the Heimwehr (Home Defense Force).

A major right wing paramilitary organization, the National Union (Uniao Nacional) in Portugal was led by Antonio de Oliveira Salaza. Which became fascist after 1936. .

The Party of Free Believers (Elefterofronoi) in Greece led by Ioannis Metaxas.

The Ustasa (Insurgence) in Croatia led by Ante Pavelic.

The National Union (Nasjonal Samling) in Norway, which was only in power for a week, was led by Vidkun Quiskling. He was later made minister president under the German occupation, and the military dictatorship of Admiral Tojo Hideki in Japan.

Spain’s fascist movement, the Falange (Phalanx) was founded in 1933 by Jose Antonio Primo de Rivera never came into power, but many of its members were absorbed into the military dictatorship of Francisco Franco. Which itself displayed many fascist characteristics.

Poland’s anti-Semitic Falanga, led by Boleslaw Piasecki, was influential but unable to overthrow the conservative regime of Jozef Pilsudski.

Finland’s Lapua Movement, led by Vihtori Kosola, nearly staged a coup in 1932 but was checked by conservatives backed by the army.

The Arrow Cross Party (Nyilaskeresztes Part) in Hungary was led by Ferenc Szalasi. It was suppressed by the conservative regime of Miklos Horthy until 1944 when Szalasi was made a puppet ruler under the German Occupation.

The Iron Guard (Garda de Fier) in Romania was led by Corneliu Codreanu. It was also called the League of Christian Defense, the Legion of the Archangel Michael, and All for the Fatherland. The dictatorial regime of King Carol II in 1938 dissolved the party. In 1939 Codreanu and several of his legionaries were arrested and later shot while “trying to escape”. A contended report some of his followers did not believe. In 1940 the remnants of the Iron Guard reemerged to share power but were finally crushed by Romanian Conservatives in 1941.

France had the Cross of Fire (Croix de Feu), later renamed to the French Social Party (Parti Social Francais), was led by the Colonel Francois de La Rocque. It was the largest and fastest growing party on the French right between 1936 and 1938. In 1937 it was larger than the French communist and socialist parties combined. One scholar estimated its membership between 700 thousand and 1.2 million. By 1939 it included 3,000 mayors, about 1,000 municipal councilmen, and 12 parliamentary deputies.

Other fascists movements in France included the short lived Faisceau, led by Georges Valois. The Young Patriots (Jeunesses Patriotes) led by Pierre Taittinger. French Solidarity (Solidarite Francaise) was founded and financed by Francios Coty and led by Jean Renaud. The Franks was led by Marcel Bucard.

After the German invasion in 1940 a number of the French fascists served in the Vichy regime of Marshal Philippe Petain.

The British Union of Fascist was led by Oswald Mosley and had some 50 thousand members.

Belgium had the Rexist Party led by Leon Degrelle won about 10 percent of the seats in parliament in 1936.

Russian fascist organization were founded by exiles in Manchuria, the United Sates, and elsewhere. The largest of these groups was the Russian Fascist Party, VFP, led by Konstantin Rodzaevsky. While the Russian Fascist Organization, VFO, was led by Anastasy Vonsiatsky.

At the end of World War II, the major European fascist parties were broken up, and in some countries such as Italy and West Germany they were officially banned. Beginning in the late 1940s many fascist-oriented parties and movement were founded in Europe as well as in Latin America and South Africa. Some European “neofascist” groups attracted large following, especially in Italy and France. None were as influential as the major fascist parties of the interwar period.

Outside of Europe and Asia the popular support for fascism was greatest in South Africa and the Middle East.

Several fascist groups were founded in South Africa after 1932, including the Gentile National Socialist Movement and its splinter group the South African Fascists. As well as the pro-German Ox-Wagon Sentinel (Ossewabrandwag). Founded in 1939 it transformed itself from populist to cultural nationalism, and becoming politically radicalized at the same time. As a nationalist movement a considerable part of the Afrikaans white population comprised its members.

By 1939 there were at least seven Arab ‘shirt’ movements. Such as the Syrian People’s Party (also known as the Syrian National Socialist Party), the Iraqi Futuwa movement, and the Young Egypt movement (also called the Green Shirts).

European fascism had imitators in Latin America, including the Nacis, founded in Chile by Jorge Gonzalez von Marees. The Mexican founded fascism group named ‘Gold Shirts’ was led by Nicolas Rodriguez. Peru had a dictator Luis Sanchez Cero who led their fascist group; Revolutionary Union (Union Revolucionaria). Brazil had the Integralist Action party (Acao Integralista Brasileira). Which rose to some 200 thousand members by the mid-1930s and was suppressed by the Brazilian government in 1938 after a failed coup attempt.

Fascism in the United States The Ku Klux Klan founded at the end of the Civil War and revived in 1915 displayed fascist characteristics. One offshoot, the Black Legion, had some 60 thousand members in the early 1930s and committed numerous acts of arson and bombings. In 1930 Catholic priest Charles E. Coughlin began national radio broadcasts of sermons. These became increasingly antidemocratic and anti-Semitic, as did the journal he founded (Social Justice). After running unsuccessfully for the US presidency in 1936 he became an apologist for Hitler, Mussolini, and Franco. In 1942 his journal, Social Justice, was banned from the U.S. mails for violating the Espionage Act. In the same year the American Catholic church ordered him to stop his broadcasts. The pro-Nazi German-American Bund was founded in 1933 and staged military drills and mass rallies until it disintegrated upon the U.S entry into the war in 1941.

History of Anti-Fascism Anti-Fascism began where Fascism began, in Italy. Arditi del Popolo (The People’s Daring Ones) was founded in 1921. Named after the Italian army’s shock troops from World War I after famously swimming across the Piave River with daggers in their teeth. They were committed to the fight against the increasingly violent faction of blackshirts, the forces encouraged by Benito Mussolini prior to his rise to Italy’s dictator. The Arditi del Popolo brought together unionists, anarchists, socialists, communists, republicans, and former army officers to build bridges where these political groups previously saw walls. Those bridges quickly extended to the races persecuted by fascists. The leftists of Germany’s Roter Frontkampferbund (RFP) were the first to use the famous clenched fist salute as the symbol of their fight against intolerance. In 1932 they became Antifaschistische Aktion, or ANTIFA for short. They fought Nazi anti-Semitism and homophobia. The fist that was first raised by German workers would go on to be raised by the Black Panthers and Nelson Mandela, among many others, over the course of time. In the early days of the Spanish Civil War the Republican popular militia was organized much like modern antifa groups. Voting on important decisions, allowing women to server alongside men, and stood shoulder to shoulder with political adversaries against a common enemy. In October 1936 Oswald Mosley with the British Union of Fascists attempted to march through Jewish neighborhoods in London. His 3 thousand fascists with 6 thousand policemen found themselves outnumbered by the anti-fascist Londoners who turned up to stop them. Estimates of the crowd vary from 20 to 100 thousand. Children were recruited to roll their marbles under the hooves of police horses, while Irish dockworkers, Eastern European Jews, and leftist workers stood side by side to block the march. Standing with their fists raised like the German anti-fascists, they chanted “No pasaran!”. (They shall not pass!) They sung in Italian, German, and Polish and succeeded in blocking the march. Cable Street became a symbol of power of a broad anti-fascist alliance in shutting down fascist hate speech on the streets. Anti-fascist volunteers have been quietly slipping through international cordons to northeaster Syria since 2015 to fight against Isis and Turkish conscripts in defense of the Kurdish people abandoned by the world. When Italian volunteer Lorenzo Orzetti was killed by ISIS in 2019, the men and women of Rojava sand ‘Bella Ciao’. An anti-fascist song from 1920 Italy that grew popular in the mountains of Syria nearly 90 years later.

Anti-fascism in the United States The Anti-Racist Action was formed in 1988 on the basis that anti-racism and anti-fascism are one and the same. Across the country autonomous groups have emerged to fight the rise in hate speech and combat hate crimes. Local clergy in Virginia counted on ANTIFA to keep people safe during the “Untie the Right” rally of 2017. Using the 1930s German Antifa logo, raised fist of RFB, and the ‘No Pasaran’ slogan; these groups have stood in front of racists and fascists similarly to their predecessors at Cable Street in Los Angeles, Milwaukee, and New York. While accusations have been leveled at Antifa for turning recent protests violent, there is little evidence that exists to confirm those affiliated with the anti-fascist cause were behind the violence. Some anti-fascist use violence to combat violence but maintain a firm stance not to initiate it.

Sites of reference for material written above: * https://www.britannica.com/topic/fascism * https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/brief-history-anti-fascism-180975152/ * https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fascism * https://www.britannica.com/biographies/history/fascism * https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/172004 * https://www.thefreedictionary.com/exalts Books of reference for material written above: Oxwagon Sentinel by Christoph Marx

Single Mother of 2 :)

I have a very Diva 9yo daughter who models and wants to act. So now I'm constantly commuting to her acting classes\auditions\etc. (︶︿︶) *never ends*

I also have a very 'grown' 5yo son who entered kindergarden a yr early and already had 2 3rd grade girls fighting over which one was his girlfriend last year on the playground. (o_O) *Lord help me with these hoes!*

I'm 33, work in IT, and love the outdoors. I stay on the move and don't have a lot of time to just sit. If the fast, active life isn't your thing then I'm not the right person for you to be talking to. 

That said.... If you cool, we can chat. 

The end of my relationship with my daughter's father. Best thing I ever did ;)

Belated "Ground Rules" in a relationship

Unless you're still in Jr High and are dating your first boyfriend\girlfriend ever, you should relate to the immaturity of belated 'ground rules' in a relationship. Seriously... "ground rules" for what each person feels is appropriate behavior, boundaries on types of and\or gender of friends, and how to balance your time evenly between your job\school with your friends & new relationship should all be laid out on the table and made definitive and finite as soon as you both realize you are getting 'serious'. There is nothing that turns me off more then being 6 months to 2 years into a relationship with a guy\girl and all of a sudden BAM!!! Things they were "ok" with are suddenly relationship ending no-no's that must end. o_O???

I'm sure most of us have dealt with the most common of these belated ground rules: No friendships allowed with the opposite sex! (-____-)

WORSE....When its a bias belated ground rule because they themselves have friends of the opposite sex. The infamous 'lil sisters' they love so much. *eye roll*

If you KNEW I grew up as "just one of the guys" and played sports and watch sports now as an adult, and had ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM with me going to watch games at the sports bar or live at the stadium with my guy friends when we met.... You have no business getting pissed about it 4 years later!!! Especially if I proactively chose to tune it down looooong before you started having 'issues' with it out of respect for our relationship, because I'd rather do these things with you then them. If you've met and chilled with these guy friends of mine (and when doing group hangs - their girlfriends) your damn self. You have all their numbers in your own cell phone and they are on your Facebook just the same as they are on mine. Why the sudden insecurity? If I'm down to only seeing them at New Year's parties, annual cook outs they host (and you attend with me) and all of our respective birthday gatherings.... Why have an issue with the occasional Facebook comment saying 'hello' or the even rarer text\phone call. Most comical is when they call me for advice on saving their relationships and you insist they go through you 1st before talking to me about it. 

It's been 2 years since this drama started creeping into our now 6 year relationship, and I've reached the end of my tolerance with him about it. See, it's been my collective experience as the universal "little sister" that all my boys talk to about their problems that this only happens when the following has happened:

The only reason they were cool with the guy friends in the beginning is because they saw you as a jump off or short term GF at first. So they were exploring other options at the time and didn't care if you were doing the same. Once shit got real for them they decided it was time to reign you in before Karma bit them in the ass.

They were genuinely the loving, trusting, great guy they portrayed themselves as in the beginning but something changed. Either 1 of their 'lil sisters' stepped up and confessed feeling for him all this time and it trying to sleep with him. Making him scared you will do the same with 1 of your boys. (This one I feel opens the door to a new realm of issues that I'll save for another blog)

OR: He actually cheated on you recently and now he's worried Karma will bit him in the ass. So he's trying to do damage control by limiting your opportunities to get him back.

Reason 1 & 3 happen most often so I favor thinking, if he hasn't suddenly stopped talking to one of his 'lil sisters' recently as much as he used to... You need to boot his ass out the door!!!

Ladies and Gents... We all just need to be real straight out the gate and stay real. No script flipping halfway into filming the movie. Be honest, be faithful, and BE YOU and stop the bullshit! ;)