Jayce: Question. When They Shot Bambi’s Mother, Did You Find That A Sad Moment … At All?

Jinx: People are always asking me if I am more of a morning person or a night person.

Jinx: And I’m just like, buddy! I’m barely even a person

Vi: Bitches be like “I’m baby”, but have childhood trauma and neglect. Like what the fuck do you know about being baby. You were forced to grow up from an early age. Anyways I’m bitches.

Viktor: Jayce, you’re testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the DA is worried about how you will present yourself on the stand.

Jayce: Why? I’m fine on the stand?

*flashback to testimony #1*

Jayce: Look, I’ll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.

Jayce: MAN. DID. CRIME.

*flashback to testimony #2*

Jayce: I’m sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Mel, next to the crying defendant: … Crying?

*flashback to testimony #3

Jayce: And when this is over, I’m gonna find you and I’m gonna break all those little fingers.

Mel: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

Jinx: I just ended a four year relationship.

Ekko: Oh, I’m sorry. Are you okay?

Jinx: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship

*Vi and Caitlyn fight from across the room*

Enid: Okay, help me please!

Wednesday: Got two words for you.

Enid: I bet they won’t be helpful.

Wednesday: Your problem.

Enid: I was right.

Caitlyn: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s terrible for the environment.

Singed: *in the shadows* Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. And I have a couple spare ones already. Look at you helping me save the environment and even better helping me save money. Thank you.

Caitlyn: That’s not what I- Never mind. Go crazy.

Robin: What do you call a fish with no eye?

Nancy, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons.

Robin: …

Robin: Fsh.

Nancy: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Robin: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Lena: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Alex: … Your what?

Lena: My friends.

Kara: Is she saying “friends”?

Andrea: I think she’s being sarcastic.

Kelly: No, no, no, this is delirium, she’s cracked from being awake all night. Hey Lena! All your friends are in this room.

Lena: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

*Jayce and Viktor entering a dive bar*

Viktor: Look I know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink.

Jayce, in scuba diving suit: I would like to leave please.

Viktor: I just don’t understand why you would wear something like that.

Jayce: YOU DIDNT CLARIFY WHAT THE DRESS CODE WAS FOR OUR LITTLE OUTING. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A SCUBA SUIT IN MY SIZE! I AM A BIG MAN VIKTOR! NO YOU EMBARRASSED ME AND THE SUIT IS RIDING AND ITS GIVING ME THIS WEIRD RASH-

Viktor: Alright we are leaving. Me and my big mouth.