Latest Posts by jittterbug5768 - Page 2

Jayce: I’m 10 times funnier and sexier than you.

Viktor: 10 times 0 is still 0 though.

Jayce: Jokes on you I can’t do math.

Jayce: I actually have a black belt.

Viktor: In what, karate?

Jayce: No, from Gucci.

Jinx: Okay. I get it. You’ve had a really hard time lately, you’re stressed out, seven people died.

Silco: Twelve, actually.

Jinx: Not the point. Look, they are dead now and really whose fault is that?

Silco: Yours!

Jinx: That’s right: no one’s.

Caitlyn: So, that’s my plan.

Vi: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.

Caitlyn: No, go ahead. I want to hear it.

Vi: It fucking sucks.

Caitlyn: Thats not constructive criticism.

Viktor, addressing the counsel: And of you have any questions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Jayce: But… that’s just the trash can.

Viktor: It sure is! And if you have a problem with it feel free to drop it in here and I will handle it as soon as possible.

Lena: So, what’s for dinner?

Kara, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret.

Viktor: God, give me patience.

Jayce: I think you mean give me strength.

Viktor: If god gave me strength, you’d be dead.

Caitlyn: You’re right.

Vi: Wow! That’s an unusual phrase for you. Did… did you just learn it?

Caitlyn: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s terrible for the environment.

Singed: *in the shadows* Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. And I have a couple spare ones already. Look at you helping me save the environment and even better helping me save money. Thank you.

Caitlyn: That’s not what I- Never mind. Go crazy.

*Jayce and Viktor entering a dive bar*

Viktor: Look I know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink.

Jayce, in scuba diving suit: I would like to leave please.

Viktor: I just don’t understand why you would wear something like that.

Jayce: YOU DIDNT CLARIFY WHAT THE DRESS CODE WAS FOR OUR LITTLE OUTING. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A SCUBA SUIT IN MY SIZE! I AM A BIG MAN VIKTOR! NO YOU EMBARRASSED ME AND THE SUIT IS RIDING AND ITS GIVING ME THIS WEIRD RASH-

Viktor: Alright we are leaving. Me and my big mouth.

Jayce: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw that the owner lived out of state so I just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Viktor: That’s weirdly specific. Are you sure you haven’t-

Jayce: I was just giving an example. No need to look too much into it.

Jayce: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Viktor: Jayce, you don’t have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.

Jayce: Duly noted.

Caitlyn: *getting down on one knee*

Vi: It’s finally happening.

Caitlyn: *falls over*

Jinx: *whispering* The poison is kicking in.

Kara: Ow!

Lena: What’s wrong?

Kara: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.

Lena: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Claggor: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Vi: That’s the most hopeful thing I’ve ever heard.

Mylo: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Powder/Jinx: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

*And then they all got blown up by someone that rhymes with mowder/pinx. The end*

Jayce: I’m incredibly fast at math.

Viktor: Alright, what’s 30x17

Jayce: 295.

Viktor: That’s not even close.

Jayce: But it was fast.

Viktor: But-

Jayce: I SAID I WAS FAST AT MATH AND THAT WAS FAST. NO BUTS TAKE MY COOLNESS OR LEAVE IT.

Jayce, struggling to keep upright in his 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me.

Vi: It’s cause your posture is all wrong and those shoes were made for smaller feet. We just need a bigger size.

Viktor, pointing at him and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK

Caitlyn rubbing her temples and sighing: What have I done to deserve this? Please tell me.

…

Caitlyn: GET OUT OF MY CLOSET. ALL OF YOU! NOW!

Vi: I am going to hell.

Jinx: Probably.

Vi: I’ll pick you up?

Jinx nodding: Carpool.

Jayce, holding in his laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Viktor: A glass of water is an inanimate object.Therefore, it’s incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language. Like you in more ways than one.

Jayce: …

Jayce: Water you doing?

Sevika: There are no more swear words in this house. If one is said you will have to deal with the boss.

Powder/Jinx: Heck.

Sevika: You’re on thin fucking ice kid.

Silco: …

Sevika: Dammit.

Caitlyn: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Viktor turning to Jayce: How tall are you?

Viktor, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career.

Jayce, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Caitlyn: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Jayce: Playing systematic oppression

Viktor: Jayce, you’re testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the DA is worried about how you will present yourself on the stand.

Jayce: Why? I’m fine on the stand?

*flashback to testimony #1*

Jayce: Look, I’ll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.

Jayce: MAN. DID. CRIME.

*flashback to testimony #2*

Jayce: I’m sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Mel, next to the crying defendant: … Crying?

*flashback to testimony #3

Jayce: And when this is over, I’m gonna find you and I’m gonna break all those little fingers.

Mel: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

Caitlyn: That’s illegal, right?

Vi: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop?

Caitlyn: No… not anymore that is-

Vi: Then shut the fuck up.

Jayce: Question. When they shot Bambi’s mother, did you find that a sad moment … at all?

Viktor: I’m sure she’s mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Caitlyn: Life could be a lot worse, Vi.

Vi: Life could be a lot better too?

Jayce: Can I be frank with you guys?

Viktor: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Vi: Can I still be Vi?

Caitlyn: Shh, let Frank speak.

Jinx: You … you saved me. You’re not a beast at all. YOU’RE A HERO, AN UGLY UGLY UGLY HERO!

Caitlyn: Call me ugly again, and maybe I’ll eat you.

Arcane as Breaking Bad Quotes Part: 2

Vi: I uh… I eat a lot of frozen stuff … it’s usually pretty bad, I mean the pictures are always so awesome, you know? It’s like “Hell yeah, I’m starved for this lasagna!” And then you nuke it and the cheese gets all scabby on the top and it’s like … it’s like you are eating a scab… I mean, seriously, what’s that about?

Jayce: If Mel and I were drowning, who would you save?

Viktor: You two can’t swim

Jayce: It’s a hypothetical question, Viktor! Who would you save?

Viktor: My time and effort.