Reiss Mental Asylum / 7

e m p t y / 10

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter ten — first day

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Standing with everyone else, looking straight without a hint of emotion. This was their first day as a soldier.

[Name] had matured— his eyes were gentle, but with the horror seen by them made them harder. His cheeks blushed a little by the sun— it was a hot day after all. And with the uniform on... ugh... He felt already soaked inside the jacket.

He could hear the yells from the instructor, shouting at some kid far away from his line. Even if he was far away, it seemed he was just besides him. [Name] bet the man could be heard to Wall Sina.

Deep in his thoughts, he didn't catch a certain pair of eyes looking at him curiously. But thanks to his instincts, he feel it, quickly making him look for them. He traveled his unusual eyes trough the line in front of him who were facing him, and finally, [Name] spotted a very tall guy with hazel eyes looking at him. But just when he meet his eyes, he blushed and averted his dull gaze.

"He is very tall..." [Name] thought, admiring his height. He thought maybe he was the tallest soldier around here. The teenager could tell he knew [Name] was watching him, because he began to sweat. Is the sun or is it me?

Hearing the instructor coming near, [Name] quickly looked straight. The man just walked by, until he saw [Name]'s form and began to shout at him immediately without mercy.

"You! Who the hell are you and from where?!"

Saluting, he shouted, "[Name] Knight, sir! From Shinganshina, sir!"

The tall man blinks when he takes a good look at the unusual eyes— and he remembers who he is instantly. He was the kid from the outside... He remembers that last name too well. A Knight, uh?

"And why the hell are you here, you maggot?!"

Without thinking much of it, a natural response left his lips, like an automatic reply or as if someone replied for him, "To free us, sir!"

"We'll see what a good for nothing like you would do against a titan, maggot!" He yelled, leaving him to go for another cadet. [Name] sighed, relieved he was gone. He wasn't a fan of being yelled or having to raise his voice.

" e —— ???? xxxx free!"

A migraine began to take effect on him, making a frown shift his gentle features. Not now, just wait a little more— it's almost over. But the headache didn't listen to the poor boy, and just began to hurt with more force. He gritted your teeth, bearing the pain. The sun didn't help his situation at all, too.

Thanks to the pain, [Name]'s mind was occupied on calming himself, making him lost any attention to other's peoples names or where the intimidating man was, and certainly, he didn't feel a pair of green eyes looking at him with surprise. When the headaches happened he ignored everything around him, specially when the pain was high. He didn't even noticed his friend getting head-butted by the instructor.

Somehow, [Name] noticed 'presentation time' was over by seeing all of the cadets walking off. Just, how much time has passed? Wait— where did he have to go?

Placing a hand on his head to control his headache, —that somehow worked— he heard someone approaching, making him turn just to see his friend Jean. He was frowning at him— was he worried?

"[Name]... again with the headaches?" He asked, gently placing a hand on his head, relieving a little pain feeling his warm hand, "maybe there will—"

Before he could finish, a new male voice interrupted him, along with three people quickly approaching both of them, "[Name]!!"

[Name]'s eyes immediately widened, "that voice..." Turning behind him, he meet with the determinated eyes he have always admired. They are alive!

Forgetting about the pain, [Name] tried to say something. But before any of the two of them could react, the brunette with green eyes have tightly hugged [Name], making both of them fall on the ground. But the amnesiac teenager couldn't feel any pain when he was overjoyed and happy— his friends were safe.

"[Name], we thought you were..." A gently voice could be heard, knowing very well who belonged it to. [Name] looks at the blond with soft blue eyes, who looks he's going to cry. "We didn't see you anywhere!"

The black haired girl makes Eren to stand by his disappointment, and quickly helps [Name] stand along. "We look for you when we could, but we never found you..." She says, looking at him as if she didn't believe he was there.. Her eyes looks gentle and soft, and a small smile appear on her delicate lips.

"Where the hell were you!?" The brunette angrily asked, surprising everyone by his outburst, "you didn't look for us, did you!?" Eren spoke with a different tone— he was upset. Mikasa and Armin looked at him in worry: the brunette always got mad when he thought about [Name] back then.

"I—I left as fast as I could with mom and... we got with the refugees and..." [Name] spoke shyly, not expecting such angry behavior this soon, "we went to Trost... and I lived there..." The amnesiac boy didn't find the words to reply back— just as he found his friends he felt fragile, feeling emotions at once.

"Did you think about us when you left?" He frowned, looking at is side feeling hurt, "to think I was worried you were... dead, and after all you—!"

"Hey!" Jean, who was pretty silent with the reunion, shout, getting their attention, shoved [Name] behind him, "[Name] saved his mom's and his' life first! At what you are so angry about?!"

"Aah?! And who the hell are you?!" Eren clenched his fists, not liking one a bit how easy he touched [Name]. This coward is [Name]'s friend?!

"None of your business, dumbass! But I won't stand here and hear your nonsense against him!" Jean could get protective over [Name], even if it wasn't that necessary. But seeing how this idiot wanted to make all of what happened his fault, that wasn't going to happen. He could see [Name] was troubled— he just reunited who the friends he thought were dead, but being pointed at while he was happy made him utterly upset.

"Eren!" Armin tried to calm him down, "[Name] is alive and with us again, aren't you happy?" Mikasa frowned, looking at Eren with concern. She could notice her brother had mixed feelings about finding [Name]— the ravenette knew his anger would disappear eventually, but he had to control it to not say hurtful things that could upset [Name]. But as Armin and she knew, he didn't think before speaking. Mikasa could notice [Name]'s frown from behind his friend— such a sad look that didn't belong.

Eren gritted his teeth, grunting. He knew he was being an idiot to make [Name] feel like this— but just as he saw him again... it made a mess with his feelings that he couldn't control well. At times like these it was better to walk off before hurting more. He gave one last pained look at [Name], "I— See you around, [Name]." He left, clearly mad. Armin gave one last tight hug to [Name] with Mikasa.

"Don't mind him, [Name]. He's happy to see you, you know? He's just... very sentimental as you know," Armin tried to laugh it off awkwardly.

"I guess... It's understandable," [Name] still had his sad look— he was really happy to see his friends again, but the feeling of guilt overcome his joy. Was it wrong to put his family first?

"I'm happy to see you again, [Name]." Mikasa gently spoke, smiling at him, "these past years had been difficult, but I'm glad you are alright with Miss Beatrice. We... we lost mom."

"And grandpa too..."

[Name] gulped. Carla, the pretty woman that always opened her doors for him, was gone too. Armin's grandpa was gone too. He couldn't understand how they were feeling after loosing their family like that. "W-What about Dr. Jäger...?"

She sighs, "we don't know," she looks at [Name] with a cryptic expression, "but seeing you here makes me glad you are safe."

"I'm glad I could see you again too," he attempted to smile, trying to make himself better. He hugged Mikasa and Armin, "I really missed you."

Armin laughed happily and Mikasa smiled warmly. Jean stood there awkwardly, frowning by what just happened before. The trio eventually finished the hug, pulling away. Both friends waved at [Name], saying they were going to unpack their things and find Eren. [Name] waved at them with a smile, feeling slightly better.

"You didn't tell me your friend was an idiot," Jean spoke, still angry.

"I didn't think he would be like that... but I guess he's still sentimental." [Name] sighs, rubbing his forehead, "at least my headache is gone."

Jean sighs heavily, already in a bad mood in the first day. Patting [Name]’s head, he spoke, “already the first day and I already hate someone.”

”Eren is not that bad. He’s just... reckless.” They began to walk to the dormitory.

“In other words, a dumbass.” [Name] chuckles, agreeing a little, "also, that girl is pretty..."

As they get into the dormitory, many of the people who were already there began to pick their beds. [Name] didn’t exactly care with who he had to share his bed with, but Jean certainly did. His friend hurriedly tried to find free shared beds, but he couldn't find any. Jean cursed mentally, grunting as he realized he wouldn't share a bed with [Name]. Could he be more unlucky today?

While Jean got angry in silence, [Name] already choose a free bed and began to unpack his stuff. Yawning, the boy couldn't wait to sleep already.

"Hey! Looks like we are sharing!" A freckled boy spoke to him, making him turn. He had dark hair and by just looking at his eyes there was no malice— only kindness. [Name] nodded, not knowing what else to say. Fortunately, the freckled male didn't back off, "I'm Marco Bodt, nice to meet you!"

"[Name] Knight. Nice to meet you, Marco."

Just as both unpacked their things Marco did most of the chatter. [Name] didn't mind him— his voice was soft and gentle. He liked hearing him, and the freckled didn't mind [Name]'s silence, so that was nice. It seemed he had notices [Name]'s unusual eyes too, but didn't say anything about them.

Jean's absence didn't last long. The irritated teenager found [Name], and as he saw his friend already being so comfortably with someone made him narrow his eyes in suspicion. He approached him, "[Name], you found a bed?"

Both of them turned. [Name] nodded, sitting on the bed as he stretched. "He's Marco."

"A-Ah! Hello!" Marco smiled, and Jean only stared at him with narrowed eyes. It was clear miles away this boy didn't mean harm— but why would Jean even care about that?

"Hi," Jean sighed heavily, rubbing his neck trying to calm himself, "I'm Jean."

"Uhm— what you said back there..." Marco spoke, not sure if to proceed but did nevertheless, "you were really honest."

"Hmn?" [Name]'s brow raised, "what happened?"

"You didn't see?" [Name] shook his head, noticing Jean's blush, "he got... well, he got head-butted by the instructor."

"He did?" [Name] couldn't hold his chuckle. Just imagining his friend being attacked by Shadis was funny, shame his migraine didn't let him see such show. "What did you say to get that?"

"It's not important anymore!" Jean yelled, clearly embarrassed, "anyways! We should change already— dinner will be in some hours so..."

"Oh, right! It's nice we don't have to do anything on our first day..."

[Name], already irritated by the tightness of his uniform, stood up from the bed and began to undress himself without any care.

Both boys noticed his actions, blush appearing on their faces immediately.

"H-Hey! [Name], what are you doing?!" Jean spoke trying to stop him, but only receiving a slap on his wrists.

"Undressing." He answered, unbuttoning his shirt.

Jean realized this was going to be until the end of their training— as the trainee corps had limited expenses, it was clear there was no "dressing room" or private showers. Every man and woman had to share and see each other without clothes, so their shyness had to go away forcefully.

Just the thought of seeing [Name] in the shower made him blush. Covering his mouth, Jean thought wasn't that bad after all...

Marco averted seeing [Name] taking his pants off, crimson appearing on his face. He tried to shake off the awkwardness of the situation, "w-well! W-Where are you two f-from?!"

Jean and Marco tried their best to hold a conversation without seeing [Name] changing without any care in the world. When he finished, the amnesiac teenager laid on the bed and told them to wake him up when it was time for dinner. Marco was surprised seeing him asleep in about five minutes, but Jean had explained [Name]'s favorite hobby was sleeping every time he could, so it was normal he fell asleep quickly. The freckled boy was rather impressed.

  From not too far away a brunette and a blonde saw everything with a blush on their faces.

"Idiot...!"

"W-Well! He really is the same, ah?"

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"[Name], wake up. It's time."

The amnesiac boy grunted, frowning as he opened his eyes lazily, spotting Jean. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stretched and yawned. Jean knew when [Name] woke up, it would be five or even ten minutes of him being semi-awake, so he had to take care of him in a sense of procuring to watch over his steps, where he was going or stop him before he could hurt himself. It was pretty ridiculous how sleepy his friend could be, but it didn't make him less adorable.

"Is he really awake?" Marco asked, looking at how somnolent [Name] looked. Was he really that tired before?

"Nope, but he'll manage."

[Name] stood from the bed, staggering a little. He took Jean's hand, but the other, nervous and embarrassed of the comment he would get from the others guys slapped his hand away. The amnesiac boy stared at him in confusion for the sudden rejection— strange. Jean, blushing, already began to walk to the dining hall to hide his blushed face.

Why did I do that?! Clenching his fist, Jean was clearly feeling embarrassed— he knew since before getting here this would be a problem. It seemed his pride was more important. "L-Let's go already!" [Name] tilted his head, yawning. He followed Jean, with Marco behind.

The freckled boy didn't understand what just happened at first, and stayed in silence. He took care of where [Name] was stepping on— the teenager almost went to sleep again while walking and almost hit himself with a wall. Can he sleepwalk...? Marco hoped he didn't.

When they got to the dinning hall it was pretty full, but they were just in time. Marco, seeing that [Name] looked still sleepy, told him to wait on a table while Jean and him returned with food. He happily agreed, instantly sitting on the nearest table, placed his arms on it and rested his head on them. Was he looking for the right time to sleep again?

"Is it normal that he sleeps so much?" Marco asked, taking two pieces of bread, two plates of soup and water.

"Don't know normal, but usually. I think the most he has slept was three days."

"W-What?!"

"Yep. Sometimes is impossible to wake him up— normally his mom would take care of this, but as he is here..." He sighs, "that won't be any good."

"Three days..." Was that even possible? Wasn't Jean exaggerating? "How normally has that happened?"

"I didn't really take track of it. But I noticed when he got bad headaches, and I mean bad, he fell asleep for some days."

"Headaches...?"

The time they were in line Jean explained [Name] state until they finished and returned to their table. The teenager still remained asleep, until Jean shook his shoulder to wake him up.

"Eat before it gets cold— it already is, somehow." He sit in front of [Name], and Marco besides him.

[Name] rested his chin on the palm of his hand, lazily taking bites to the bread. His eyes spotted his childhood friend Eren being surrounded by other people. He waved to Mikasa and Armin, receiving a wave and a serene smile from the ravenette and a grin from the blonde. It seemed Eren had already stated he was from Shiganshina, because [Name] could hear plenty of questions about how the titans looked like.

Jean was listening, and Marco, who grew more curious about it went to Eren's table to listen with the others.

It seemed a question hit a nerve. [Name] could only see Eren covering his mouth as if he wanted to vomit— after all, what happened to him was traumatic. He lost his mother, and who knows where his father was.

Jean's eyes shifted from Eren to [Name] respectively, noticing the worried expression his friend carried.

Just hearing the brunette speaking about joining the survey corps like [Name] made him more irritated than he already was. Nevertheless, he didn't let it show and preferred having some fun. "Wait a moment, are you crazy? Did you just say you want to join the Survey Corps?"

The brunette frowned at him, even more when he saw [Name] in the same table with him, "what about it? You are the one who wants to join the Military Police to take it easy, aren't you?"

[Name] just watched in silence, wondering what exactly Jean wanted to do.

Jean smirked, "What can I say? I'm honest. I prefer being that than try to act tough when in reality you are scared shitless." The comment seemed to annoy Eren, seeing him stand up with a glare directed at Jean. The taller teenager didn't seem bothered in the slightest— he stood up too and both teenagers approached each other. But whatever they wanted to do was interrupted by the sound of the bell, signalizing dinner time was over.

The taller male just smiled unbothered, "well, my bad. It wasn't trying to judge the way you think," he held his hand in a weak and fake attempt to release the tension, "let's let it go."

"Yeah... I guess I overreacted," It was clear to [Name] that Eren didn't accept the fake apology, seeing him just slapping Jean's hand. He seemed to leave, but before he did he looked at [Name] as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't. Clenching his jaw, he averted [Name]'s prying gaze and left with a frown.

Would he be angry with me forever? [Name] stared at the table, upset. Mikasa and Armin weren't angry with him—and even if they told him Eren's anger wouldn't last that long he didn't fully believe them. Maybe he should speak to him... but how?

It seemed the time he had with Jean these two years had made him more sensitive about friendship, in some way. After all, he did felt some guilt about what happened. But what he could have done? He was just a kid.

"You okay?" Marco's gentle voice is heard, looking at his friend in worry.

"Yeah. I'm just... sleepy," he rubbed his eyes, "where's Jean?"

"Outside... I think someone's with him." He looked at the door, seeing Jean talking to a short guy.

[Name] didn't feel too lively now, and the only thing he thought about was laying in bed. He guessed he had to get up early in the morning tomorrow. Standing up, he took the last bite on his bread, not feeling hungry anymore. "I want to sleep already... I'm heading back."

"A-Ah, I'm going with you!"

Just as he wanted to leave, he bumped onto someone else, instantly hearing a shaky apology. [Name] blinked, lifting his gaze to meet someone incredibly taller than him.

It looked like the taller guy recognized him from somewhere, seeing his widening eyes.

[Name] knew those eyes.

"Ah— you are the one with pretty eyes from back then. And the one from when Shadis was yelling at us..." He spoke with his dull voice, not noticing some questioning gazes he got for the compliment. The brunette blushed, stuttering. "You are taller."

"You know him?" Marco asked, looking at both of them with prying eyes.

"Yes. We met in the refugee." He looks at him, "I never got your name."

"Uhm, B-Bertholt!" He seemed shy.

"Nice to meet you." He smiled, tilting his head.

"Bertholt! We—" A more deep voice came trough, but stopped when he saw company. It was a blonde and buffed guy— [Name] remembered him too. Seemed he did too, because his expression was the same as the brunette's, "Y-You are from back then!"

"There was someone else with you, wasn't it? Is she here too?"

"A-Ah, well, yes. She's around." The blonde smiles, "nice to see you again. I'm Reiner, by the way."

They both were going to the dormitory too, so Marco and [Name] stick with them. When they saw Jean outside they invited him to head back with them, but he had told them he was going to stay a little longer outside.

The four teenagers began to head back, and as expected, Reiner and Marco did the most of the talking, while Bertolt and [Name] quietly stayed in the back. The amnesiac boy looked carefully at the brunette, as if he was inspecting him. That only made Bertolt nervous.

He took Bertolt's hand, surprising the brunette. [Name] let out some hums and ah's, "you are huge. How did you get so tall...?" He compared his hand with the other's, looking at the difference while the brunette's face went red by the touch.

"U-Uhm, thanks...?" He said unsure— was that a compliment...?

"Tell me your secrets." Sparks appeared in [Name]'s eyes as he tightly hold Bertolt's hand. The brunette began to sweat, feeling shy and awkward by the touch.

"Uhm... Reiner..."

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Just as they got to their destination, [Name] wasted no time in throwing himself on the bed. Laying on his stomach, the pillow where he pressed his face on made his voice get muffled, "good night" he tried to say, ignoring any sort of conversation somebody wanted to have with him.

The three teenagers just saw him. He really was either lazy or just uninterested about everything.

"He sure likes to sleep a lot..." The freckled boy said, impressed. He knew it would be a pain to wake him up in the morning tomorrow.

The blonde laughed, "let's see who wakes up first— [Name] or Bertolt? Looks like you two have something in common." The comment received a grunt from his friend.

The three spoke a little bit before going to sleep, even when Jean got back. He wasn't surprised seeing his friend already asleep, and remembering he wasn't sharing bed with him made him grumpy before going to bed. Unluckily, his past thoughts about how handling [Name]'s touchy behavior made him pretty awake all night. Was it really a problem? Did he really pay attention of what others think about their relationship? Well, if they thought they were in one it was even better, wouldn't be? Even more if that jackass Jaeger knew about it. Just remembering the looks he gave them made him snicker. Unfortunately, that wouldn't matter if [Name] himself didn't feel anything romantically for him.

Fucking hell. Can this be more complicated?!

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REISS MENTAL ASYLUM / １２

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

powerless

１２

“G—Good morning, Erwin,” the assistant spoke in a gentle tone, gulping. He felt just like before— a trapped mice with no escape. He woke up this morning with nothing more but nervousness, fear and anxiety.

”Good morning,” the blond responded with no trouble, staring at him with his usual heavy gaze. As the poor assistant expected, bearing the dominant look wasn’t possible for him, as he preferred to look away in nervousness. Erwin narrowed his eyes by the evasion, but expected such by the same situation they were before, “I believe you know why I called you.”

The boy didn’t want to answer— he stayed late at night trying to figure out anything to take care of Reiner, but he barely protected Eren by whatever punishment he could have received that time. He couldn’t just leave them— It was against his morals, and he knew they didn’t really mean to hurt him like that. It was just... a mistake, something he had to take care of to do his job better. These things happened; it didn't have to be a big deal for him. But for whatever reason it was a huge deal to his coworkers every time something happened to him.

His thoughts were interrupted by Erwin’s voice calling his name, “I’m waiting for your answer,” it was clear he wasn’t happy either— there was no welcoming smile on his face, nothing that [Name] could feel comfort with. The same as before, unfortunately. [Name] knew Erwin wanted answers, something the assistant didn’t want to give. Both of them were visible tensed, one more visible than the other.

It’s not as if he could just lie. Erwin knew about everything beforehand anyway, and he believed telling a lie would be much worse than telling the truth. So, in a defeated, low voice, [name] answered. “...Yes.”

The reaction wasn't immediate. The blue-eyed man observed in such manner it made [name]'s body cringe. Whatever he wanted to find, it was enough to satisfy him. ”Good,” he leaned back on the chair, pleased by the assistant’s cooperation, “tell me what happened. Don’t lie this time, I would appreciate if you didn’t.”

Being under such harsh gaze didn’t make lying possible— it was as if Erwin was watching his every movement. [Name] couldn’t help himself and played with his hands nervously. He didn’t want to be under this interrogation again, but here he was. There had to be something else he could do to evade these situations, but none came to mind. He was stuck, and no miracle would help Reiner nor him out of this.

“Hmn,” [Name] began, playing with a part of his white coat. What could he say? ‘Well, Reiner choke me and almost kills a worker’? No way. “There... was a small problem going on yesterday...”

Blue eyes narrowed. ”Define small.”

[name] gulped. ”Uh... Mr. Braun lost control of himself, and... attacked me and another worker— but the situation was handled!” The assistant tried to finish such horrible statement with an awkward smile. That was the nicest way he could put it— it was the truth, really.

That only made the blond raise an eyebrow, amused by such answer. ”What did he do exactly?”

He cleared his throat. The blond really wanted to get detailed answers. ”He... uhm... strangled me and hit a guard...?” [Name] whispered as he tightened his grip on his coat, “but everything turned okay! So it’s fine!!” The assistant tried to show a careless smile, but the director obviously didn’t give in.

”No, it’s not,” Erwin firmly said, “show me the damage.”

That made [name] freeze. ”B—But—“

”Now.” Surprisingly, Erwin didn’t sound overly mad with the command, but his tone didn’t change it’s authority. [Name] couldn't do anything else but obey— what else could he do? Refuse? The assistant remembered how scary the man could be before. For some reason he seemed to hold back, but [name] know better than push his buttons. A scary Erwin was something [name] wanted to avoid, even now when Vincent told him many workers and patients began their 'irritation' period month.

The bruises quickly formed when he saw himself in the mirror this morning— they looked bad. His whole neck was covered in yellow, green and purple, and they did hurt when they were touched. He didn’t want anyone to see them, but he knew that was not possible. If they reacted they way they did back with the other incident, he didn't looked forward with these bruises. Even if he didn't want to accept it, he knew he was a bit scared about what was coming for his patients. 

With nothing else to say, he carefully pulled his turtle neck down, revealing the nasty bruises covering his neck. He timidly looked at Erwin, who eyes didn’t change. As blue eyes stared at the damage, [Name] tried his best to think about protecting his patient and not be afraid of the repercussions he was going to receive.

”M—Mr. Smith— I would like to ask you to not do anything to Reiner, please. He wasn’t in control of himself, and I’m sure he didn’t mean this to happen. I will—”

The blond quickly interrupted his useless statement. ”Rule #2: if a patient injures a worker, specially their doctor, they will get punishment as we see properly,” the blond spoke, “and as I can appreciate, his punishment is appropriate.”

[Name] shook his head as he spoke, not feeling well about how things were going. “B—But he can’t get punish because of things he can’t control! We are suppose to help them! Not harm them!”

It doesn’t seem Erwin likes what the assistant says, noticing his tensing shoulders and narrowed eyes as he hears such talk.

Erwin was infuriated. These guards were incapable of doing something so simple— so fucking simple. This punishment was something Erwin was going to see at first hand, but he couldn’t see any satisfaction coming out of it. Poor [Name] was already attacked— the damage was done and their incompetence was shown. Seeing that failure harming something as bright as his worker, only made him angry and irritated— this situation was annoying.

Something like that wasn’t going to happen ever again.

”[Name],” he spoke, standing up from his seat, towering him, “I care about your well being— I can’t just ignore what took place yesterday.”

”But—“

”I have not finished talking,” he states with authority, successfully shutting the assistant down with a mere look, “I can’t ignore it this time, nor I would ignore it in the future. This is a serious issue, and it will get resolved as they have always have.” It will. 

[name] pleaded. “But Reiner—“

He slowly approaches [Name], speaking in a firm tone. ”He will get punishment, even if you oppose against it.”

”Please, Erwin!”

Erwin closes his eyes, exhaling slowly. He couldn’t give in to the assistant’s sweet voice, even if he wanted to. He walked around him, as if he was playing. ”You do remember you have something to give me, hmn? After what happened with Jäger?”

”W–Well, but Reiner...”

The blond opens his eyes, trapping [Name] between his arms on the desk by the assistant's surprise. The action made the [hair color] haired flush— their proximity was so close he felt butterflies inside his stomach.

”You can’t just beg me to forgive everyone, [Name]. This is not how this place works,” If you payed me with something else I could reconsider it. “This is needed— it’s for your own protection and good, [Name]. We can’t let anybody doing whatever they want, not caring how many 'pleases' you give me.”

”...I don’t want him to get hurt for something he couldn’t control, Erwin...” [Name] knew this was defeat. Without meaning to, a pout formed on his lips as he fixed a depressive stare on the floor. 

”He knows very well what he does,” he smiled, softly taking a strand of [Name]’s hair, looking at the assistant with fake kindness, “he knows what happens when he does these things, [Name]. It’s not his first time.”

[name] looks at him with a tint of scarlet on his face, trying to put a brave expression. ”C—Can I know what kind of punishment that is?”

”Nothing out of the ordinary— just some kind of things not too harsh.” Why was he so... interested and caring? They were nobody— disgusting things nobody wanted. The doctors only worked here for the money, and no one gave a shit about them. Yes, maybe some 'doctors' came with the 'I can change this place' attitude at first, but they gave in, or just ended with an unlucky fate. But this assistant... was different. He could feel it— he acted as a nuisance, like the others initially were. His caring attitude irritated him: him talking about them with a bright smile was disgusting— just seeing this beautiful assistant preoccupied about those nuisances, was deplorable. 

With a last try, [name] stared at him with pleading eyes. ”Can I at least see it...?”

“Of course you can’t,” he let’s out an amused laugh, “I’m surprised by your dedication to your patients, [Name]. You surely are one of the few workers who try to protect them this much.” Why are you like this?

”It should be normal! I mean— they need help, that’s why I’m here for!” He frowns, “I just... can’t stand the idea of them getting hurt because of my incompetence...” 

”Punishment doesn’t happen because of you. It’s because of their actions, and they sure will know how to cooperate once you see them again. All of this is for your protection, [Name].”

”But I don’t need protection!” Erwin’s amused expression along with his slight touch on his bruises shuts him down, “t—this was just out of my possibilities! There won’t be a next time!!” In all honesty, those marks were embarrassing. They were proof of his horrible work at handling the situation, and he promised to himself that next time was going to flow better— he just needed to see them at first hand to understand the motives of the outbursts. That's what his work was anyway— why were they so... uninterested?

The blond smiled. ”Of course there won’t be. I won’t allow that,” he caressed [name]'s face as if he was a small dog looking for attention. The assistant's eyes semi closed, tensing under the touch. His face redden, and Erwin couldn't resist laughing by such view. He looked adorable. "You sure are something else, [name]. You can go now, thanks for your cooperation,"

As he gets free from the other's touch, [name] shakily whispers a thank you and a see you later before walking away sheepishly. Being touched like that by one of your bosses was something embarrassing— he felt like a dog! Even if he liked being praised by Erwin, he had to be careful to not confuse his real motivations. Liking your boss was unfortunate— [name] believed he was an impossible man, after all. Also, he was... intimidating when he wanted.

”Oh, and about your payment,” he speaks with a kinder smile, making [name] turn at him with a flushed face, “you haven’t forgotten, have you?”

[Name] can only shake his head, too ashamed to talk. Being under the blond's touch was something else— the assistant felt warm and nice, two dangerous things to feel inside this office and for your boss. He didn't feel in control of anything; he almost looked like a small cat being protected and toss around by everybody.

”Good,” he steps back with a smile, “what does a cup of coffee sounds?”

”...Uh?” [Name] blinks, looking at his boss, dumbfounded by the question.

”I know a nice place. Sometimes our workers go there in their free time— nice coffee, too,” he returns to his seat, a pleased expression on his face, “well, it’s not as if you can refuse the offer, hmn?” He spoke with playfulness— like a child who got what he wanted in the end. This opportunity was something he was waiting for, after all; to know more about his favorite worker; to get closer and establish a nice, warm, solid relationship between them. Small steps; [name] was a small kitten he needed to handle to make him understand.

”I—I guess not...” [Name] didn’t expect such offer— well, he didn’t imagine something else. At least he thanked his boss wasn’t a perverted man who took advantage of his workers— [Name] wouldn’t have bear the sight of Erwin being that corrupted. Sighing, he showed a small smile, less stressed than before, “that sounds nice,” Imagining a date with your boss was embarrassing— even more when he was the one in charge of the whole building. [name] didn't know what to expect from this whole ordeal; how should he act? what should he eat? Being around Erwin was embarrassing enough, so being that close to him as a date meant more stress to his poor mental health.

”Fine, then. How does tomorrow sounds?”

。。。。。。。。。。。。

When he went inside his office, he didn’t expect to see Zeke sitting there with a serene yet irritated look on his face. It seemed he was waiting for him, as he wasn’t particularly doing anything but stare at the door in utter silence. [name] wished he wasn't there yet, but he remembered today wasn’t his lucky day at all.

His stare relaxes a little as he sees his precious assistant coming inside. Leaning back on his chair, Zeke speaks with his usual tone, but something is clearly different. “Good morning, [Name].”

The assistant didn’t waste another minute in answering. ”G—Good morning!”

The doctor waits a moment before speaking again, observing [name] every move. ”I tried to look for you yesterday, but it seemed you... left early.”

Again, another interrogation... ”...I did, yes.”

Zeke narrowed his eyes. ”Any explanation as to why? Usually you don’t leave before saying your cutes good byes.”

[Name] doesn’t speak at first. Scratching his hand, he didn't know what to say exactly— he didn't want to talk about the situation, but he knew everybody would make him talk. He didn't like that at all, so he stayed in silence as he stared at the floor with a frown. He had enough of this with Erwin— speaking everything that happens to him is not pleasing, and even if he’s thankful by their worries he doesn’t really need them! ...not that much.

”Anyway— I know what happened yesterday. Actually, I think we all did,” he gets up, approaching [name], “show me.”

[Name] shakes his head. He doesn’t want to— he knew everyone will make their way to see the bruises, but the assistant doesn’t like the idea. Why does everyone wants to see his failures? It only made him feel annoyance and disappointment in himself.

”[Name],” Zeke says his name as if he was speaking to a child.

The assistant complies in the end— he knows better than pushing Zeke's buttons. Pulling his collar down in silence, he looks at the ground to not see what kind of look Zeke has. Good thing— it’s not that the blond is showing an angry expression, but his eyes turn cold as he examines the horrible marks on his assistant.

Merciless and barbaric are the only ways Zeke can think of Reiner’s actions. He already knows [Name] didn’t get his way on Erwin to forgive the warrior— it’s painfully obvious. It could be almost two weeks until they fade away, possibly three. 

At least he is somehow thankful [Name] is still here with him, and didn’t had the same fate others workers had. Who knows what would have happened.

"No matter how many times I tell you, you can't stay out of trouble," he speaks in annoyance, "I can't leave you alone at all, it seems,"

"This was just an accident, sir! Reiner wasn't in control of himself!"

"Of course he wasn't, and he'll never be," he pinches the bridge of his nose, "accident? he knew very well what he was doing— how can you be this blind? Or do you perhaps fake ignorance for some strange reason?"

"I'm not faking anything!" he accidentally raises his voice, clearly upset by how his boss was talking about their patient, "I care about him like I do with others! ...Why—Why does this have to be a big deal when I get hurt...?"

"Why? Because you are my assistant, [name]. And I won't allow someone like them hurting someone like you."

"...Like them? T-They are human just like me, sir," [name] spoke with a firm tone, "They need our help, and if I get hurt in the process of helping them, then it shouldn't be a big of a deal every time I do...!"

"You really don't get it, do you?" the blond was irritated. Annoyed, upset, angered— his assistant clearly was someone much different than anyone in this disgusting place, wasn't he? Caring? Help? This place was filled by corruptness and vileness— there was no real help here; there never was, "you won't change anything about them. They will remain the same, we are just here to help them stay out of the trouble they cause in the world, [name]. Simple as that,"

It felt as if [name]'s hopes and dreams were shattered once for all. Hearing those horrible words coming out of his' boss mouth was awful and upsetting. [name] did believe in change; why nobody could see that? This place was like a Limbo to the patients; never going out? Taking their freedom forever? Yes, they caused horrible things, but [name] believed in change. He was here to help. "...I can help... I know I can,"

Stubborn as always. If he didn't like him that much, Zeke would have already throw him into the upper floors for his flesh to be teared away into pieces. But no, that wasn't allowed to happen— his assistant had to be with him at all costs, even if he was this obstinate. In fact, Zeke believed in change too. "You sure are a magnet of trouble— do you think being just a beginner, without any acknowledge, can change anything? This place is not a playground. And, if you don't remember, you were hired to be my assistant, not an independent doctor doing whatever he wants. So you go by my orders, even if you like them or not. So, if I order you something, you will do what I say. Understood?"

[name] tightly gripped his hands, embarrassed and ashamed. It was obvious he didn't like being scolded nor have conflict with his superiors; but no matter what, it seemed he always caused trouble for his boss.

"I said, understood?"

"...Yes, sir..." he answered with a sad tone, staring at the floor with a frown.

Gritting his teeth, the doctor didn't like one a bit how this was going. But this punch of reality was needed, even if it hurt his poor, little assistant's feelings. He had to see it was pointless— they were a waste of their time, and nobody could change who they really were. Sighing, the blond caressed a strand of [name]'s hair, "do you think I like scolding you? You are a capable adult— why do I need to be in your toes every time I leave you alone? You should know better than this— they are not children."

Hearing Zeke made [name] so ashamed— he felt as if he was a child again. "I—I didn't mean this to happen... I just wanted to help, sir..." He bit his lower lip, feeling horrible about the whole thing. He didn't feel comfort with Zeke's touch, knowing very well how he truly thought.

"You have to do as I say, kätzchen," he sighs, "I can't follow you everywhere to clean your mess— you are getting me in trouble with Erwin. You don't want that, do you?"

"O—Of course not, Zeke! That's not what I intent by any means!"

"Doesn't look like it, boy," Zeke sighs, leaving [name]'s hair to pass a hand trough his face, "alright— now that this is out of the way, I must tell you Reiner will face consequences, even if you don't want to. I guess Erwin spoke to you?"

[name] nodded, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"Very well. That will be all in the matter, then—"

”W-Wait! I just wish to know if he’s alright? I hit him really hard...” [Name] was horribly worried about Reiner. If that hit knocked him out, then it was obviously an injury, “I—I didn’t mean to hurt him like that! Really!”

Zeke lets out a snort. “You think a simple chair would kill that beast? Haven’t you imagined the things he has gone trough?”

”H—He’s not a beast! He’s a person!” [Name] frowned, staring at Zeke with a glint of sadness and desperation in his eyes. No matter what other people said about them, he would always think different about his patients, “you shouldn’t talk about them like that, sir— they feel just like us,”

Zeke sighs. “No matter how many times I tell you, you won’t understand. It seems you need to see something going horribly to trust me they have no future,” narrowing his eyes, the man sighed deeply in exasperation.

”They do have one! We just have to guide them, sir! But I can handle all of that,” [Name] shows a toothy smile, “that’s why I’m here!!”

This talk had made [name] open his eyes with who he worked with. It seemed not only Zeke, but others thought like him— he couldn't deny the eyes of his coworkers when he talked about his patients; the pity stares thrown at him. And then, there was Hanji's comments said back then; about them being 'her experiments'. Remembering these small things, made [name] realize he was the only one trying to solve something unsolvable.

It seemed this place wasn't what he imagined.

"What's with that face, kätzchen?"

[Name] didn't know if playing dumb was a good thing. "Uh— nothing! Just remembered I didn't bring my lunch again..."

Zeke narrowed his eyes at his assistant, clearly unsure about his explanation. [name]'s lips pressed in a thin line, trying to not see him in the eyes.

In the end, the doctor scratched his ear with a boring look.

"...What a clumsy assistant I have."

。。。。。。。。。。。。

"As always, I'm behind the glass observing everything. Whatever may happen the guards are outside," Zeke explained once more, giving a dark look at the familiar guard outside the room— Vincent, who tried to suppress a smirk by the usual stares he got lately.

"Okay! No need to worry, everything will be fine!" [name] smiled proudly and nodded at Vincent as he received a wink in return, before entering the room. The last thing he heard behind him was a 'sure thing' from Zeke.

“Hello, Connie!” [name]'s cheerful voice echoed trough the room, making him cringe a little by the dead silence the room was filled in.

”I heard what happened,” said Connie, with what seemed a mocky smile plastered on his face. He looked like a child who knew your dirty secret and was ready to blackmail.

[Name] blinks, before sitting down. ”You did?” It seemed not only workers gossiped, but patients did too. News sure fly fast here.

”Eren and now Reiner? It’s surprising how you are still alive,” the patient rest the side of his face on his palm, looking at the assistant with a smirk, "maybe you are cursed,"

”That’s... comforting,” [name] knew those encounters were dangerous. He didn't want to believe it at first, but seeing how things worked here... it sure was something that made him unable to sleep at night. Quite terrifying. It felt as if you saw your friendly neighbor in the news because he was a serial killer for three years. He shivered.

”I thought he would break you like a twig! I don’t want to say that I'm amazed, because you haven’t seen anything yet.”

[Name] was curious about the experiences inside the asylum— realizing he didn’t know almost anything about where he was working, maybe some small questions drifting out of the main topic wouldn’t be that bad.

”Could you explain how it can get worse, Connie?”

”Much worse, obviously. Hadn’t they said anything to you?” He laughs, “useless much?”

“...Haven’t heard a single thing. Would you mind?” [Name] tits his head, showing a small smile. He knew Zeke would be commenting something about this question later.

The boy gets quiet, not interested in the topic anymore. "Nope, since it doesn't have to do anything with me," he chuckles, "let's talk about something better— me!"

...I wish to hear about what he had to say about it. But since Zeke is hearing everything, it seems I can’t do much about it. “I agree— today is for the two of us, as planned,” the assistant smiles slightly, “how are we feeling today? Has something happened lately?”

”I’m doing as great as always,” he shows a toothy smile, “the other day I won an uno game! Jean was a dumbass that couldn’t beat me— such a bad loser!” 

Connie’s laugh resonates the room. “Uhu hu— experienced uno player? That sounds dangerous! I would love to play with all of you some time. I’m sure you have fun games,”

Connie shrugs, “Meh— there’s always bad losers. One time Reiner threw a chair at Armin and he got a concussion because of it,” he grins as he remembers, “but— ohoho! Eren didn’t let him go! Reiner got the beating of his life, doc! Reiner is even scared of Eren since then! Can you believe such big guy scared of that crazy emo dude? Incredible, if you ask me!”

...Beating? “That doesn’t sound good— but please, Connie, none of you are crazy so don’t use such words to describe others. Don’t perceive others the way you don’t want to be perceived, okay?”

”Blah, Blah, don’t care. They don’t matter to me anyways— not worth the time,” he rolls his eyes, clearly displeased by the assistant’s words.

“Since they are not worth the time I give them, you are not, either?”

”...Ah? What are you saying?” Connie’s eyes narrowed, clearly unhappy about whatever nonsense [Name] was saying. 

”We all are equal, so we should get the same respect— that’s the most important thing as humans, don’t you think?”

”It seems you haven’t gotten something clear, doctor,” Connie rest his back on the chair, staring at [Name] with a blank, yet uncomfortable stare, “the thing is, we are not human anymore. We lost that right a long time ago.”

[Name] frowns. “That’s not true— you are human. You feel just like anybody; you think, you act, you live, don’t you? So, if someday told you were not human anymore that is a horrible lie.”

“Seems you are not aware. That’s surprising,” he yawns, his expression clearing, “I must say you are interesting. Even when you know everything I can do, you behave like a hero! But surprise, there were plenty before you! So don’t feel special.”

”That’s not what I intent.”

”—Anyways! The other day I played pocker with the others. Guess who won? Of course—”

”—Armin?”

Connie blinks dumbfounded, clearly irritated by the interruption. Nevertheless, he quickly answers with a glare. ”...?! Of course fucking not! It was me!”

For a couple of seconds, Connie resembled a child— a kid who pouted when things didn’t go his way. But [Name] saw trough that, and those furious eyes resembled a beast rumbling in the shadows, scared of being caught. [name] knew winning was a facade— he didn't win the games.

"Armin is a nobody— he doesn't matter at all. He doesn't even do anything! Useless as always," he looks irritated, "I don't know how Eren can even be in the same room with that good for nothing..."

[Name] blinks in a frown, displeased by the rude statement. Hearing such degradation of someone was not a good thing to hear, and [name] never felt comfortable hearing gossip back then. Unfortunately, he had to act professionally and not get controlled by his emotions. This place was different than in high school.

"...Perhaps you see yourself the way you see others," [name] whispered more to himself than for Connie, writing down on his clipboard. Of course, this didn't go unnoticed by the patient. Who frowned and narrowed his eyes at the assistant.

"As if! What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Just thinking loudly, Mr. Springer. Maybe change will come when you acknowledge who you are, and accept that mistakes happen..." he hums, "just like you didn't win the game— that's alright, you know? Sometimes—"

"Shut the fuck up! Shut up!" the patient slammed his hands on the table, standing up with a furious expression plastered on his face. He gritted his teeth as he glared at the assistant like an animal; clearly, he was furious, "I didn't lose that stupid game! What the hell are you talking about!"

”Perhaps we should play a game to test your high skill, don't you think?" [name] tilted his head, liking his own idea. He surely had a plan for the game he was interested to evaluate.

Hearing this, Connie crossed his arm as he rested on the back of the chair. Narrowing his eyes, the patient tapped his forearm with his index finger, trying to observe any anomaly the assistant could have. It seemed games were one of his interests, as his furious demeanor disappeared quickly. "Why so sudden?"

"Well... sometimes is nice to play with someone with experience, don't you think? I love uno, so I don't see the problem,"

The patient considered the idea. To [Name], it didn’t seem done by any harm— the card game could be an experience to know more about Connie before doing anything. After a cold, heavy stare, Connie answered with a careless, mocking tone. "...Alright. Prepare to lose, you stupid fuck."

[name] chuckled, amused. "That's nice. But first, I have to ask permission to my superiors to play. Then, our next session will focus on some games."

"Blah, blah. Hey!" Connie suddenly turned his head at the glass, surprising [name] by the outburst. "you sick useless piece of shit! You WILL approve this game, if not, you are a FUCKER!"

That's totally not helping, Connie... Well, now the permission was going to be harder to get. "Maybe if we ask in another way we can get the green light."

"They don't deserve to be talked another way, doc. You reeaaaally are a dumb idiot to believe in these fuckers," Connie grinned at [name]'s stupidity. He lift up the middle finger at Zeke, who [name] could feel the stare he must have been giving, "well, looks like you are just a clueless rat... that's just funnier,"

At first, [Name] could have believed his word because of the thought of Connie despising the treatment— something somehow normal. An usual reason to shit talk your doctors… nevertheless, this time was different. Zeke’s talk made him realize doctor weren’t benevolent— weren’t understanding. [Name] didn’t know if all of them where like this; but even Erwin didn’t have compassion for anybody.

Knowing he was being monitored just as Connie, [Name] didn’t say a thing about the manner. It wasn’t as if he could gossip with his patients, anyway.

The next talks weren’t as much of impactful— just the usual “how do you feel?”, “what activities help you?”, “how is the medicine helping you?” Of course, Connie did little to nothing to answer them, but the last question. He only stated they made him sleepier than usual, even causing him some pain in his hands. [Name] noted this with bolder letters, not trying to forget to change them if possible. First, an examination and diagnosis would be needed on his part if authorized. Then, an investigation about what could pill would be better for him without damaging his health would be enough. If everything went the way he wanted, anyways.

"Looks like it's your time to be the dog," Connie said as he heard a bell ringing, "surprisingly you weren't such an boring shit like last time."

"I appreciate your compliments, Mr. Springer,"

"I will applaud you if you get here next time— who knows who else wants to know you."

Before [name] could reply, a tapping on the other side of the glass made him say his goodbyes and leave.

。。。。。。。。。。。。

"Interesting session you just had," was the first thing Zeke could let out after witnessing such session. It was only time [name] wanted to do "schooling" to them. Idiotic. As he walked trough the hall with the guards behind, he snorted by how ridiculous this assistant was.

"Mr. Zeke, please forgive Connie! He just talks without thinking, so please understand him!" [name] tried to reason, embarrassed by the behavior as tried to keep up with his boss.

Zeke exhaled from his nose, perhaps irritated by the Mister, or the excuses his assistant was giving. "Connie, loves to denigrate others. Understanding is not a choice," there was a twitch on his eye, "and good luck asking me for permission for your little experiment,"

"Sir..." [name]'s face instantly saddened, not expecting such harsh act. "It's to know Connie better! Please, your permission is important to help him!”

"I have told you before. You won't change a thing, even if you do more than a hundred experiments,"

"I won't think negatively— it's their future. How can they be better if I don’t even have hope with what I do? It’s unbelievable!” [Name] shook his head, “this is not what I signed for… this is inhumane!”

“Perhaps it’s time to accept the real world, kätzchen,” he scratched his ear, “going around playing hero is not a good idea,”

[Name] could not feel exasperation at such thing— he was disappointed. “I’m not playing hero! I’m just trying to do my job, which is suppose to help others… Just, please, Mister! Give me the permission and you will see I can help them!”

Zeke only stopped his walking to stare at him with a clouded look. As if he was examining— observing. There was silence, the only source of sound being the chatter of others doctors in the hall. [Name]’s body felt heavy; his hands turned into fists by the anxiety and slight fear his mind and body fell in. A simple stare leaving him unable to breathe— he didn’t want to know how his bad side could look like. How did these men shut him off with a simple look?

Then, the blond turned to normal in a blink. Humming, Zeke rearranged his glasses carelessly, answering with a bored tone. “I’ll allow it,” before [Name] could celebrate his green light, Zeke interrupted him with his hand, “but with one small condition,”

[name] blinked dumbfounded. “…yes?”

”When you met Erwin, I want you to say something to him,” [name] couldn't see his eyes clearly— the lights of the hall reflecting on his glasses prevented him from doing so.

”…okay—! I’m listening!”

”You will say, straight to the eye, without stutter…” There was a smirk, missing it could have been easy if he wasn't paying close attention.

”Hmn?”

  ”Fuck off.”

.

.

.

”Ok—?! WHAT?!” [Name] stared horrified, “I can’t do that! Absolutely not! You will kill me!”

”You will do that, no objections. Also, I will know if you don’t do it. I assure you,” There seemed to be a ghost of a cruel smile on his face.

”I can’t do that, Zeke! That’s atrocious! Can’t I do something else!?” [name] could feel his whole body tense by just imagining doing such atrocious and embarrassing thing. Was he back to school without knowing? Who even where these people?

The doctor couldn't stop his chuckle, amused by the situation. If his dear assistant was going to be asking for permission, the he had the perfect excuse to make him do the things he wanted. After all, if such patients were so dear to him, then making him do stupid things as this was making him understand how much was worth wasting his time in such persons. ”Not this time. Perhaps I will think of something else next time,”

”Next time?! I don’t want to think about next time…” [name] facepalmed, already feeling sick. This... was not good. At all. He was only asking for something so simple as playing cards— why was Zeke making him a fool of himself in front of Erwin? With what purpose? He was only going to dig his own grave if this was current occurrence. "I don't understand, why would you make me do something like that?"

"Why not? This place needs fun every once in a while,"

"By making me the fool? That's not fair," [name] wasn't any pleased by being the one ruining his chances here.

"Perhaps I can be more forgiving next time," he didn't look at him, "sorry, kätzchen. This one is a selfish one of mine,"

"Not fair..." [name] could only frown at the ground, feeling betrayed and humiliated already. This wasn't funny for him at all— being used for such things was low. Just because he wanted to treat his patients like human beings? Uncalled for!

"This place isn't," the blond put his hands in his pockets, "but don't look too sad, [name]. Remember you are doing this for your patients— isn't that worth it?"

Those words only made him see trough Zeke's real intentions— of why he was being used as a joke tool. To use him to do such stupid, unfunny thing. Just because he wanted to play nice. [name] didn't want to hate— it was too much. But this... was unfair. Why was he being such a cruel person? If this was the easy 'condition', [name] wasn't ready of what was coming next. The thought made him frown in disgust.

[name] wants to reply, but then a mixture of whimper and yell is heard, along with meaningless shouting. The assistant looks back only to see an horrifying scene— a patient stabbing a doctor countless of times without any mercy. There's a fierce expression on his face— anger. And was he... smiling? 

[Name]'s whole body froze in shock by the sight. Crimson dirtying the white walls and ground of the hall, dirtying the people around— there are many shouts, cries and gasps. But [name] can only stand there, tensed as a rock, with terrified eyes opened like plates staring at the uncontrollable patient stabbing over and over who seemed to be a doctor. He couldn't even see where was he even stabbed— blood covered almost all of his body.

There was laughter— patients were around.

Guards who were already around ran to the patient, but it seemed he wasn't done doing a scene. Finishing his last act, he looked at everyone like an animal, until finishing his contest with [name]. The assistant flinched by meeting such... vile, dark stare. They were void of life, yet he could assure the man was living the best time of his life. Pupils dilated, a toothy grin, shaking body... what was making him alive was the adrenaline.

Then, he trow something— what he had on his hand. [Name] could only stare in horror.

W—What did he...?

"Look out!" Without doubt or thoughts in his mind, Vincent wrapped his arms around [name] and forced both of them on the ground, missing the flying knife just in time. The object graved on the wall with a loud and sharp sound, luckily not injuring anybody with how quickly and hard  was thrown.

[name]'s heart beats fast while he tightly closed his eyes, frightened. He gripped Vincent's clothes tightly, not sure if moving was a right choice. This time, the poor assistant doesn't know what to do; what to think. He leaves to Vincent that task.

Another guard immediately took the patient by the wrists and pinned him down, receiving yells and a fight from him. The unknown patient trashed around, trying to get free from the hold, thankfully not succeeding.

"How in THE FUCK does a patient got a knife?!" the blond furiously exclaimed, "first of all— who does this thing belongs to?"

Ignoring Zeke's yells, Vincent sat, guiding [name] to do so. The frightened assistant opened his eyes, shifting his stare to the wall where the knife resided. Then, to the doctor who was stabbed, laying on the floor. [name] could only hear his whimpers and grunts. There was so much blood... he felt sick on his stomach, almost wanting to gag. 

If it wasn't for Vincent, he too would be on the floor, agonizing.

"You okay?" Vincent softly asked, grabbing [name]'s face with his hands, looking worried. [Name] just nodded, out of it. The guard tried to avert [Name]’s attention from the horrible scene— there was a lot of blood on the floor surrounding the doctor. Vincent could feel the assistant’s terror, and as best as he could he tried to calm him down with a softer voice, “that’s nice— okay? Let’s get up— can you stand?”

As [Name] tried to, the terror he felt made him frozen in fear. He couldn’t move properly— his hands and legs were shaking horribly. Vincent, seeing his bad state, helped him stand by wrapping an arm around him tightly. "Breathe. Like this," the guard made an example, making [name] to look at him,"let's do it together, okay? One, two...."

The assistant tried to do his best, shakily exhaling and inhaling. He wasn't doing a good job, but Vincent seemed satisfied with it. "Good, [name], very good. Don't stop, ok? Let’s go to the infirmary to check on you,” he talked with such smile it made [name] calm a little bit. It was reassuring and Vincent felt so... safe. [name] couldn't stop himself and grabbed part of Vincent's uniform, closing the gap between them. He smelled like coffee, somehow working for [name] to escape the stench of blood filling the hall.

"[name]!" Zeke came into the picture, looking... irritated? "how are you? Let's go to the infirmary to properly check on you,"

Vincent didn't mean to, but moved [name] a little bit behind him, away from Zeke. “I can get him there, doctor.”

“Didn’t ask you to. Do you know first auxiliary? Are you a doctor? A nurse? I think not.” He glared, “I will get [Name], so if you may—“

[name] interrupted with a low, shaky voice, barely audible. “I–I think... I prefer V-Vincent getting me there, M—Mr. Jäger...”

“What?” Zeke narrowed his eyes, not liking this at all.

“He—He—“ [Name] tried to speak, “his company will help m–me a–a lot, right now...” he held Vincent’s clothes tightly, clearly not wanting to let go.

Zeke clenched his jaw, his unsatisfaction clearly showing. His assistant, his precious assistant, preferred being at the dirty hands of this man? Why? 

[Name] did notice the terrifying glare Zeke was giving, because he tried to hide like a child from his mother’s lectures behind Vincent’s back. The guard could feel the tension and the murderous aura the blond doctor showed, and the best thing to do, was leaving.

“Well then, Dr. [Last Name] and I will leave to the infirmary. Thanks for your preoccupation, but I will notify you of Dr. [Last Name] state until we finish.” Vincent carefully choose his words and spoke in a serious tone, not giving in under Zeke’s murderous glare. The guard knew this sudden change wasn’t just for disobeying orders— the doctor made it clear he disliked discipline, but there was a feeling on Vincent’s guts that said this was much more different.

Even when they were already leaving, Vincent could feel the glare on his back. It was until they were out of sight he sighed in relief.

“S–Sorry for getting you into trouble...” [name] didn't look at him, but at the floor.

“Everything for you, darling.” He kissed his forehead, showing his childish grin.

Back at the hall, Zeke could only watch in disgust as that guard left with what was his assistant. Dark thoughts filled his mind, not stopping any of it. Hatred is what he feels for that man— disgust is another. How and when did [name] got close to him? And under his nose...? Hmn.

Useless things need to be disposed.

"SAWNEY!" A familiar female voice shouted, followed with a shaky one. Zeke could not get more annoyed now realizing who this thing belonged to.

"W-Wait, Dr. Hanji!" Hanji's assistant, Moblit, quickly followed her behind. His expression of horror formed at the sight of what happened.

"Oh my! What did you do, my Sawney...?" Hanji spoke with a fake, sad voice. Kneeling beside him, she tried to approach him but the guards, as they looked at her in disgust, prevented her touch. "Let me hold my baby! He didn't mean to!"

The blond doctor stared at such display in annoyance— a normal occurrence with this crazy idiot when her things went out of control.

He needed a cigarette. 

But, as he was leaving, an authoritarian, harsh voice silence the hall instantly. A simple command that made all but him shiver and close their mouths like children who know what they did wrong. Zeke was amused, but not surprised by the sudden appearance of Erwin— after all, he was always observing.

He almost pity Hanji for what was coming for her. Almost.

Before leaving, a quick look at Erwin's passive aggressive expression was enough to almost make him snort, if he wasn't aware of his own set of feelings overcoming his mind.

  "Hanji Zoë. In my office right now."

。。。。。。。。。。。。

"Okay! It seems everything's in order!" Vincent showed a small smile, putting away a semi-wet napkin already dirtied in red. Cleaning away some blood that got on [name]'s face was nicely done, but unfortunately, some of it got on his coat. He hoped [name] didn't notice, but he knew the assistant was aware, "how are you feeling?"

Taking his time, [name] wasn't sure of what to say. Witnessing an attack like that wasn't everyday occurrence for him— something simple as yelling from his patients shook him enough, but watching with his own eyes how someone was deprived of life like that... it marked him. Just remembering how disgusting the place smelled, the amount of blood approaching his feet was enough to make him hastily grab the small trash can besides him and vomit. He felt Vincent's hand pat his back in an attempt of comfort, and he was thankful. 

Vincent hurriedly took a cup of water and gave it to him when [name] finished. The assistant couldn't met his gaze because of his embarrassment, but took it nevertheless. After washing his mouth the best he could, he tried to not see the mess he did to whoever that trash can belonged to. Feeling Vincent's hands on his shoulders, gently caressing him, made him feel a bit better about the whole thing tough— at least he wasn't alone.

"...Thank you," [name] said with a gruffly voice, sighing tiredly.

Nightmares were guaranteed tonight.

"It's nothing," Vincent let out a huff, "you have the right to get it all out, okay? Witnessing such thing is hard, so don't be hard on yourself,"

[name] knew, but he couldn't stop himself from asking such absurd question. "Is he...?"

Looked like Vincent didn't want to answer that question— his lips pressed in a thin line, a frown forming on his face. "...Most likely. That was... a lot," even if he had to see outburst in a daily basis, that didn't mean death was present in all of them. Seeing someone taking the life out of someone else in such rage... it always made Vincent afraid, "hopefully you don't have to... witness something like that again. To think a patient had a knife... I have no clue on how did he got his hands on that,"

[name] didn't either. Weren't they watched everyday at every hour? He didn't feel that safe anymore— perhaps paranoia would be a long companion in the next few weeks.

"What you did... thank you," [name] squeezed the guard's hand, his shoulders touching. [name] was a person who needed touch when he was in a bad state mentally— just the act of holding hands and staying at each other side was enough to calm him down. He liked Vincent, his presence did help him stay his cool, and he didn't say rude things about his wrong doings. "If it weren't for you I... m-maybe—!"

"Hey, hey," he hold his hand, caressing it with his thumb, "I was there to protect you, wasn't I? Didn't I promised you? I know you are scared, but remember I'm always looking out for you. Nothing will ever happen to you while I'm here, alright? It's valid to be unsure and afraid, but be sure I will be there."

Hearing such words, [name] let out a big sigh he didn't realize he was holding. It was reassuring hearing him promise something like that in a place like this— it made him feel... safe. Unconsciously, [name] rested his head on Vincent's shoulder. Closing his eyes, he grabbed tightly the guard's hand, as if fearing he would go. 

The guard squeezed back with a redden face. He looked away in embarrassment by the proximity, but didn't say anything.

A comfortable silence meet the room— but just like always, nothing was ever quiet here.

”[Name].” A voice is present, and both males look at the door to see Mike and Levi, who are staring intently at both of them with cryptic eyes. 

“H—Hi, Mike, Levi!” [name] quickly let go of Vincent's hands and left his side slightly by moving a bit further away. Vincent felt a bit upset by that, but understood. He also stood up without a word, leaving a bit of space between all of them.

There's silence. The ravenette approaches him, levi takes his chin and raises it slightly, wanting to see the harsh marks more clearly. They are greenish and purplish— and he can see how [Name] tenses at the slightest movement on his neck. 

Anger is not the word he can describe his emotions— rage? fury? He doesn’t know, but what he knows is that seeing those marks is surely infuriating. They looked disgusting, yet pleasing. He only wanted to hear [name] quiver and whimper by his touch— to remind him of his incompetence and naivety.

“What a deja vù,” Mike says— It certainly was. The only difference was the gravity of the attack, which was quite big. He asks worriedly, “do you feel alright?”

The assistant didn’t waste time in responding. “Of course I am!!! I’m totally fine, it was just a big scare!” Laughing nervously, [Name] tries to ease the tension; but not even him takes comfort in his words. His body tensed, his hands shook.

”Of course you are,” Levi says without believing him, touching a little bit the bruises. The assistant jumps by the pain and gasps, and the guard doesn’t keep his mouth shut by the cruel act.

”Hey! Please be careful, Mr. Ackerman,” Vincent doesn’t hold himself and speaks without thinking, yanking [Name] to him with a protector stance, “Dr. [Last Name] is not alright, even if he says so. Touching his bruises is not needed,”

Levi narrows his eyes at him, glaring in disgust, “you think I don’t know that, filthy guard? We all know this inept assistant can’t stop himself in going into trouble— and lying about something we all can see is fucking idiotic.”

”I believe Dr. [Last Name] doesn't want to hear such things in his state, Mr. Ackerman. Please, have empathy.”

[name] gets up, trying to ease the whole thing. ”N—No—! It’s okay, Vincent. It’s— it’s the truth. I’m being useless by going into trouble. I should know how to handle these things, I’m sorry.”

It was then that Levi caught a glimpse of red on his coat. How disgusting. "Looks like you get into whatever mess you can," he sent a short look at the blood, crossing his arms. Maybe it was because there were more people in the room, maybe it was his repulsion, but he did stopped himself from giving [name] a piece of his mind. He wanted to say how unable he was of taking care of himself; how utterly weak he would always be, "always needing someone to clean your shit. How disappointing," 

"And what now? A guard sticking his nose where it doesn't belong?" he sent a glare to Vincent, who didn't have a problem holding the stare contest, "know your place. You are here to work, so get out and work, before I take this shitty job away from you."

He is really angry... [name] thought. He gave a slow nod at Vincent, knowing he wouldn't leave easily if he didn't respond. Nevertheless, he knew the guard wasn't satisfied at all, noticing how annoyed he looked.

"Understood, sir. Have a nice day," he said before leaving, almost talking trough his teeth. [Name] felt bad being the one causing all of this, but he really couldn't do anything.

"That isn't going to come out easily," Mike signaled the stains, looking a them with a frown. [name] stared at them too, lost in thought.

"...Yeah, I know," well, he was already imagining himself trying to wash this tonight. Good thing he wasn't that close, but the mere thought of someone's else blood on his clothes made him ill again. "Wish me luck, tough," he showed a weak smile, trying to ease himself.

Levi just stared with a frown, not understanding his pathetic display. He looked pitiful— his hands shook, he was pale as fuck, his hair had become a mess, his coat had blood, his bruises made him look like he was out of his mind, and yet, that pathetic, miserable smile was enough to annoy him. That stupid smile that made him look like... his usual idiotic careless self. What made him, him. 

"You look like you are going to faint," Mike plainly stated, making [name] sit down once again. "I think you should go home already— I will notify Erwin so there's no need to worry."

"I-It's alright, I don't feel that bad!" just the idea of leaving job unfinished made him feel even worse. He had work to do! Even if he saw someone d...die... "I-I can just stop wearing my coat for t-today—" the images of the doctor on the ground surrounded by thick blood didn't make him feel less ill. He covered his mouth as he retched, breathing a bit erratically to stop himself of throwing up again. Mike's hand guided his head to look at the ceiling, saying it was not good to look down.

"Yeah, I don't think so," he touched [name]'s forehead, humming, "I think you are going to get sick, [name]."

"S-Sick...? But I can't! I have too much to do! I refuse to be sick!!!"

"Not something you have a say, I'm afraid."

"I refuse, Mike!!!"

"What a brat, talking to his elders like that," Levi could not just silence himself at such childish demeanor. 

"Ah—!! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it that way!!"

The air seemed to lighten a bit, thankfully. Mike chuckled, loving this side of [name]. It was a nice change around this place— he looked pretty cute, too. A smile he wanted to protect. "Anyways, jokes aside, you really don't look good. And I know you don't feel good, so for the best you should call it a day."

"Give me that," Levi gestured the coat in disgust, "I will take care of it. I know you will not do shit to those stains, and you will look disgusting if your lazy ass leave them. So give that shit to me and for my sake, will clean that."

"W-What?! You can't do that!" [name] shook his head with a redden face, "I--I can do it, sir! T-There's no—"

"I didn't ask you, brat. Give it to me before I tore it out of you," with this, [name] couldn't just say no. He obeyed, like a good boy. Thankfully it wasn't that bad, but the stains were noticeable, so they needed to be gone. Of course, someone like [name] didn't know how to clean the blood out of fabrics, but Levi did. "And yes, you indeed look like shit."

"But how can I just leave...?"

"There's a front door."

"Hahaha... not funny..."

"I believe Levi here will accompany you there, since I'm going to notify Erwin of your absence for today and tomorrow. So don't bash your head because of that," Mike stated, getting some strands off of [name]'s face, gently caressing his forehead, "and I believe you are not strong enough right now to walk by yourself. So give yourself some care and obey."

"Nice. More unnecessary work, fucking tree."

。。。。。。。。。。。。

While the two walked trough the building, [name] could not stop feeling bad about making Levi do things he shouldn't be doing in the first place. He looked down in misery, pouting. "I'm sorry, sir... I didn't mean this to happen."

Levi just stared ahead with his neutral yet annoyed face. "Me neither,"

As they finally got to the entrance, [name] showed an apologetic smile. "Well, thank you for your help! We will see—"

"What the hell are you rambling about?" Levi narrowed his eyes, "you think you are capable of walking in this shitty state? I thought you could think with that head of yours, but actually I didn't."

[name] blinked, confused. "Uh?"

"I'm giving you a ride, brat. What else?" Levi stated as if was obvious, letting out a low I'm not that kind of bastard. He opened the doors to leave, [name] following behind him.

This time [name] felt even worse. "B-But that's just too much! I'm fine to walk! Really!"

"I'm just going to ignore your rambling and get to the car. I advice you to do the same." He said with a harsh tone, done with the whole ordeal. "or should I wait for you to faint and get you inside,"

"I... I'm sorry you have to do all of this,"

"Christ, you are making it sound like this is hell," he raised an eyebrow at this, "making a big deal out of this... ridiculous. Just get in the car."

But [name] didn't. He stood there, looking at the ground in shame. His whole day was already ruined to begin with, but this was the icing on the cake. He felt utterly worthless, and relying on others is what made him more upset. He didn't mean this, really.

Nevertheless, even if Levi wanted to say he was being a dumbass, he could see how upsetting [name] was getting. He looked like he was going to cry, for fuck sake. Sighing, he prepared his next words to finish this whole ordeal, relaxing his shoulders."Look," [name] slightly raised his head, looking like a child, "I'm doing this because I want to. Like hell I'm going to be following someone's else orders, even less if they are from that ugly tree. You do look like shit, and I'm not..." he stopped himself, unsure, but kept going, "I'm not going to be satisfied until I sent you home myself, alright? So stop giving me that st-- that look, and get in the damn car."

[name] blinked, once again. This was... one of the first time Levi was being honest with him— and he did noticed how he held himself back to appear less... harsh. Sometimes, [name] believed Levi saw him as a nuisance. But this... made him think otherwise. Perhaps Levi only said rude things to him but didn't mean them that much. Nevertheless, he felt lighter with this confession, or to be precise, he felt a bit happier. His smile was genuine this time, Levi could tell. "...Okay."

This brat... making me say shit like this. Thankfully, the ride was filled with comfortable silence— [name] fell asleep quickly, and Levi was content enough.

So cute...

Hablas español!!, oh entonces dejame decirte que amo tu trabajo apenas encontré tu pagina de tumblr normalmente leo tus trabajos en wattpad y tu ingles es increíble realmente pensé que era tu primer idioma.

Si!! ay muchísimas gracias ;___; como crecí jugando juegos en inglés pues más o menos me acostumbré, y aunque al principio me costaba mucho escribir en inglés creo que más o menos ya me acoplé jajaja

me pone muy feliz que personas de otros idiomas lean mis trabajos! al principio pensaba escribirlos en español pero decidí mejor en inglés... pensaba traducirlos entonces pero me dio flojera jaksldjlkfhsldf

gracias por leer mis trabajos! me hace sentir bien que te gusten TvT

AaaaaaAAA your work is truly A++++

oh my thank you!! 😭💖

Flower Curse | epilogue

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

s e v e n

"Is not your fault, you know, eyebrows?"

He lets out a bitter chuckle, not looking at him. Erwin looks at the pile of papers on his desk, lost in thought. It's been two weeks after what happened.

"I knew my luck will run out one day. Nevertheless, I thought a titan would do the job, not some fairy tale."

The room is cold. Even if it’s a sunny day and it's hot outside, this room remains cold. There's no warm in here, and he notices.

"Is Nora eating well? Oh man... I told her I was going to see her after talking to the doctor. I hope she's not angry."

Ah, your horse. Nora wasn't that energetic after not seeing you for a long time. Even now, nobody can approach the horse without her freaking out, not even for giving her food. It was a difficult task, but thanks to a cadet named Christa the horse could eat. Erwin didn't blame the poor horse wanting to see her owner.

"How is everyone doing?"

Erwin had to tell the soldiers why one of the squad leaders wasn't going to be with them no more— so everyone who was involved in your situation accepted to just tell everyone it was just an unknown illness. Obviously, they weren't happy and some didn't fully believe it, but nothing could be done.

Hange and Moblit stayed in the laboratory, trying to distract themselves with anything they could do. It wasn't a hard task— they were in a tough situation, with how the expedition went and all.

Mike and the others higher ranks just stayed silence, moving on. This wasn't any different, right? Plenty of soldiers lose their lives, and everyone was forced to move on. It's just how it is.

Levi was the one who distanced himself, making everyone go away by hiding in his office. Hange had to check on him, bringing food and receiving yells for coming in. Thankfully, the man finally left his office and returned to his duty, just like everyone else.

There were moments when the ravenette went to Erwin and talked in some nights, but the shorter man seemed out of it.

"What would have happened if I just noticed sooner?" Levi asked, looking at the horizon, deep in thought.

The blond just sighed, "I don't know. What would you have done after knowing his feelings?" Erwin too thought about what could have been if something was done sooner, but "what if" wouldn't bring you back.

Levi just stayed silent, thinking. Would the outcome have been any different? He realized about your feelings when you yelled at him, and he really thought about it all night. But a certain girl never left his side, making him feel warm. He couldn't decide his feelings for you, but he cared about you dearly. Levi even thought about there could be something if he talked to Petra about his thoughts, but what happened made everything change.

"Maybe there was a chance for him and I." He answered.

Erwin just hummed, "then he would be here with us."

The ravenette closed his eyes, frowning. "I regret what I said at that time."

"I know."

"And you? How are you doing? You look like shit, my friend, But hey— you still look good, don't get me wrong!"

Yes, him. What did he do? Clearly, he had to move on and forget his feeling for the sake of humanity. It was a harsh truth, but this curse wasn't going to kill him when he and everyone around him were in a critical moment. So he hardened his heart, not forgetting about you but his feeling for you.

"I don't blame you. I wish I could have done the same."

Nevertheless, it was hard. He realized at the moment when you were in danger, that he was in love with you. When he saw you scared on the floor, he had to protect you at all costs.

When he saw how broken you were, he tried to pick all of the pieces, but he couldn't do a thing to make you feel better. He wanted to help you, make you happy. But when the book's author told you the truth about that girl, it all went straight to hell.

He wished he could have done things quicker— look for the doctor and find out if there was a cure or not. But everything went down too quickly, leaving this outcome.

"Still, I'm rooting for you, Erwin. I know you are strong. Levi is strong too— but you know how he bottles up his feelings. Please, stay together and help each other. And don't forget my name!"

"I will never forget you, I can't." The blond said, looking in front of him. "Even now, I still can hear you." He saw a glimpse of a smile at the corner of his eyes. He tried to look behind him, looking for you.

But the door opened, making the room warm again.

“Who were you talking to? I heard your voice.” Said a certain ravenette, giving the blond a frown.

The blond sighed, rubbing his temples. “I was just mumbling to myself.” He stands up, looking at the shorter man, “we need to get going. It’s time.” And then, he leaves the room without giving it a second glance.

Levi stands there for a second, looking around the room. For just a moment, he swears he sees a glimpse of someone standing near the window, but the sun’s rays blinds him. The only thing burning his mind was a certain smile he misses, but just as he saw it, it disappeared in a blink.

The man blinks, trying to focus his vision. He desperately looks for a certain someone in the window, but there was no one in the room— Just him.

A voice behind him says, “Something wrong? We have to go.”

The black haired man just hums, taking a glance to the window, “Nothing… I thought I saw something. Nevermind.”

Turning around, he closes the door behind him. Standing beside Erwin, both of them already walking in silence.

And just like a sound from the wind, they could hear a small gentle voice say:

“See ya.”

The two didn’t say anything, and just kept walking, deep in thought.

???

i suddnely remembered ur works and how much i loved it and i literally just read every single work u have i just wanted to say that i love all of your works and i hope ur happy and healthy ❤️❤️

you're really nice, thank you! I've been taking a long break and I've missed a lot of asks in here (since my email now doesn't get any notifications from tumblr all of sudden...), but your ask really brings me a lot of warmth! (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡

hope you had a good year and a good beginning of the year too!!!

ahh i dont really have anything specific to request, just wanted to know (and for other folks who come across ur blog) :,) hope to see more from u in the future 💖💖💖

thank you so much!!! ;0; i’m so happy!

have an amazing day/night! ;v;

shingeki no kyojin

reiner x male reader insert [soulmate/moder au, angst]

[one shot / 3860 words]

based on this prompt

summary: When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is 'their soulmate crying'.

notes: would u believe i had this since september in my messy folders damn, i really wanted to finish it tho also, reiner x male readers ARE NONEXISTENT. WHAT THE HELL. thats very bad and should be changed!

masterlist

When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is 'their soulmate crying'. 

You have never felt your soulmate cry. Your eyes have never watered, no tears— not that you remember, at least. This made you thought that your soulmate is someone strong, someone that doesn't get played by their emotions that easily.

You admire them, even if you don't even know them.

You, on the other hand, have cried for every kind of thing— a sad movie, a fight between friends, stress... It makes you embarrassed, actually. You only hoped your soulmate wasn't irritated by your crying...

"Something on your mind?" You heard a deep voice approaching you, quickly recognizing the voice. You turn, seeing a tall blond— Reiner. He leaves two cups on the table, instantly recognizing the smell of chocolate. He sits across you.

You slightly smile, "just thinking about my soulmate, that's all." 

He quirks an eyebrow, interested by the topic. "You said you have never cried because of them, right?"

"Nope. Not that I can remember..."

"Must be an 'Annie' case. You know, she only knew Bertolt was her soulmate when the big idiot saw her with Eren. Remember?"

You laugh by the memory— it certainly was funny now, but not back then. Poor Bertolt had feelings for Annie, and when he tried to finally confess to her thanks to Reiner and you, the three of you saw the blond girl walking with Eren, looking pretty happy. The view made Bertolt instantly cry in distress, and both of you could saw how tears came from Annie's eyes at the same moment.

Fortunately, Eren was only a friend to Annie. The whole thing had a happy ending, and every on and then the four of you —maybe just three— of you laugh by the memory. Bertolt only gets embarrassed, but if it wasn't for him, maybe he would never know who his soulmate was at that time.

"We were lucky. Bertolt saved his own ass by crying in that moment..." You take a sip from your cup, pleasantly tasting the hot chocolate. "Also, thank god Annie wasn't against the soulmate thing..."

"Who could say a big guy like him is a cry baby. I'm glad they got together, though. If not, Annie would have been suffering everyday with the tears."

You agree.

"Oh— what about your soulmate? Do they cry a lot?" You asked, tilting your head. You and Reiner really don't talk about your soulmates that much; the blond is secretive with those things, not that you mind. 

"They do. But lately, they haven't..." He blinks, wondering, "I guess they are... sensitive? emotional? I've lost count on how many times I've been crying with them. I don't mind, though."

You nod. Neither Reiner nor you have met your soulmate... Makes you wonder until when you two could— if you ever do.

A small but pleasant chatter begins between the two of you. Reiner has been a good friend of yours since high school— he has always seen as the 'big bro': reliable and protective over his friends.

He, on the other hand —and by your ignorance—, sees you more than a close friend. Even if he hasn't been with you in your hard times, he always has cared for you. Bertolt and Annie always tell him to confess already; follow his feelings and tell you how he feels. However, seeing how thoughtful you are with your soulmate, how many times you doze out wondering about them, makes him back off from every time he wants to tell you.

Just like now, actually. The buff blond thought this would have been a good opportunity— just you two sitting on a table on the middle of a coffee shop, surrounded of voices quietly talking, minding their business.

He thought how cute you looked with that red scarf on— how adorable you seemed wrapping your hands on the cup, trying to warm your hands on the middle of this winter. Reiner desired to wrap his hands on yours, kiss your nose and make you warm.

But that couldn't be, because he surely wasn't your soulmate. But he didn't mind— he can be strong for you.

Or so he thought.

His thoughts got interrupted when he heard a cough coming from you. Reacting quickly, he gently patted your back, seeing as you didn't stop. The coughing eventually ceased after some couple of seconds, but that was enough to make him worried— he didn't see you choking on your chocolate or any type of problem.

"Wow there, that lasted long. Did you got sick?" Reiner asked, preoccupied.

You shifted uncomfortably on your seat. "I've been... feeling a little funny lately... But I think it's just a cold. Nothing to worry about." You answered, hiding your true health problems. Yes, you have been feeling weird lately— sometimes weak, and other times your coughing have lasted longer than this time, but you didn't think much of it.

The blond looked unsure, "I don't know... Have you went to a check up?"

"It's just a cold, Reiner. I'm sure I'm going to be fine soon— it's winter, after all. Colds aren't that weird to get during this season." 

You tried to reason, but you could tell he wasn't buying it.

"Nope. You will get to a checkup, and I will accompany you."

"But Rei—"

"No buts, cutie. Let's go!"

You roll your eyes, a smile plastered on your face. Reiner takes your hand and guides you trough the coffee shop until you are outside, and you thank him internally. You felt a little weak— your legs didn't want to obey and if it wasn't for the strong but gentle grip on your arm, maybe you would have fallen.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

"[Name] [Last Name]?" A nurse calls your name. You stand up with the help of Reiner, as he sees you trip over by your dizziness. 

"Wow there, feeling dizzy?" The blond asks as he helps you walk to the nurse. He doesn't say it— but he's becoming more preoccupied for you by the second. 

"A little..." You nervously chuckle, feeling a little worried. Trying to look well, you stand correctly with the help of Reiner, who's arms are protectively holding you still.

The nurse, seeing as the blond takes good care of you, guides both of you to a room. She knocks before opening, receiving an answer to come in. "Doctor Jaeger, [Name] [Last Name] is here for the check up." She turns at you and gestures to come in, opening the door for you.

Entering the room, you two are met with a blond doctor wearing glasses. He is taking notes in his notebook, but stops when he sees you. "[Name] and Reiner. Surprising to see you here. What's the problem?"

"Uhm, well, I just cough a little and I felt weak sometimes, but I'm sure it's just a cold and—"

"Don't believe him, doc. [Name] coughs like crazy and he trips over with his own legs." Reiner immediately interrupted you, irritating you. The blonde doctor humns in understanding.

"Sit here, [Name]. Will do the check up on you." He helps you stand and sit on another higher place. You felt like a child, honestly. He tells you what to do; cough, move your arms, open your mouth... Him and Reiner talk a little while your session.

When he finishes, Reiner instantly asks, "And? How is he?"

Zeke chuckles. "If I didn't know you I would say you are the clingy boyfriend." The blond jokes, winking. Reiner grunts, blushing just a little. You laugh, but cough instantly after. 

"Anyways, I will do more studies on you, [Name]. I don't see an exact anomaly on you, but you weakening doesn't say anything good." He stands up, "come with me, this shouldn't take long."

Zeke gestures Reiner to accompany him too. He guides you to a room with more instruments and medical objects, and he tells you to take off your clothes and wear the usual hospital gown while he gets everything ready.

"Don't you need help, babe? Come on— of course you do. Let me help." Reiner jokes, approaching you and placing both of his hands on your hips, trying to get your coat off. 

Blushing by his flirty acts, you smack his hands and stick out your tongue, "I'm not a baby! So if you excuse me..." You wait for him to release you, but his arms wraps around you tightly, and he hides his face on the crook of your neck. 

He's unnerving quiet, and that doesn't fail to worry you. It was weird sensing him so... nervous? weird? "Reiner...? Are you alright?" You try to make him talk, caressing his hands. 

He grunts, still hiding his face. He doesn't say it out loud— but smelling your scent calms his nerves. "I'm worried."

You laugh, relieved, "you don't have to be! It would not be anything bad. It's just a check up!"

He doesn't answer, and stays in the same spot. Reiner wants to confess how nice is being like this— it felts perfect. His strong arms around you, like some type of protector. He wants to stay like this forever.

But unfortunately, that can't be.

"Yeah, well, sorry for interrupting your loving scene but I'm a busy man and this will be quick." The doctor jokingly interrupts the intimate moment, trying to keep a serious face.

"We—We are not together!" You hastily say in embarrassment, trying to pry off Reiner's hands off you.

"Yeah, aha. Strip already, boy." Zeke closes the curtain and takes Reiner by the collar and takes him out, while the buff blond grunts and whines like a child.

While you change, you can't stop thinking about Reiner being so close to you. Just remembering his breath against your neck made you shiver and blush. Feeling his strong arms around you made you feel safe.

"You done?"

Blinking, you quickly change into the hospital gown and open the curtain. You can see Reiner sitting down on a chair with a grumpy face— it looks like he's pouting! You chuckle by the scene, and his face quickly lightened by your –beautiful– laughter.

He really likes you a lot.

"Alright, just stand here and I'll do the job."

Dr. Jaeger begins with the studies while Reiner sits there with a frown. He feels worried— a cold could be noticed right away, but Zeke didn't see anything of the sort. What could it be, then?

Looks like the 'check-up' turned more aggravating.

Zeke sighs and turns to both of you, and speaks:

"Well, I need you to come next week while I check these things." He approaches you and gives you a paper, "here is the prescription— the medicine is specially for when you feel weak, but I will not give more until I make sure what this is."

"Thank you, doc." Reiner speaks while you change, and he takes the opportunity to ask lowly, "is it serious? will he get better soon?"

"I don't know that, Reiner. Until I analyze the studies I could have an answer." He squishes Reiner's shoulder, "try to not worry to much. Also, confess already."

Reiner chokes, "W—What are you talking about?"

Zeke rolled his eyes, "I don't even know how he hasn't noticed. Both of you are airheads."

But before Reiner can speak, they hear your voice. "Done! Thank you for looking for me, Zeke!" You speak as you open the curtain, already changed in your usual clothes.

"No worries." He slightly smiles, flipping some pages of his clipboard.

You smile at him, and return your attention to Reiner. Blinking at him, you notice his face is reddish. “Uh? Are you alright? Your face is red." 

"Y–Yeah," he clears his throat, "let's go, I will drop you at your apartment."

Both of you say goodbye to Zeke and leave the place, not before getting the medicine Zeke prescripted you. The ride back your apartment was normal with Reiner doing most of the talking. You throw jokes here and there, laughing with Reiner by your silliness. He loves hearing your laugh— loves seeing your smile, the way your face blushes...

God, he is really losing his mind.

The ride ends by his disappointment. You get out of the car and before you leave, he speaks in a fake natural tone you can see trough.

“If anything happens, call me, alright?”

“But if someone breaks in shouldn’t I call the police?”

He snorts, “I can’t be serious with you at all, can I?” The answer he got was you sticking your tongue out, making him chuckle. You were so adorable. “Well then, see you tomorrow, dollface.”

The ride back home was him gripping the wheel tightly, his narrowed eyes focused on the road as he thought about his feelings and your health.

“Why dos he has to be so beautiful?! UGH!” He blushes in embarrassment at the thought of your beautiful and goofy smile.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

A week passed shortly after that. Unfortunately, you could feel coughing more and more, along with your weakening form. The medication had somehow calmed the coughing at first, but soon it grew worse. You were worried now, but you tried your best not to let Reiner know about your current health. He was already worried about you— you decided to bear it until the week was over to go to Zeke again.

And that’s how you are here, feeling the incredibly tense and heavy atmosphere in the room along with Zeke and Reiner. There was a silence in the beginning, until Zeke broke it with an unusual look on his eyes. You somehow knew something wasn’t right.

"We don't know what this is, [Name]. This... is different." He speaks with a frown on his face. It’s evident he’s tensed.

"But it isn't that dangerous, right?" You didn't like his tone at all— he looked tensed and uncomfortable. The air was heavier, you can see Reiner getting tensed too.

He stays in silence, like as if he's thinking about what to say— Reiner gets impatient, his foot is constantly tapping the floor, and his fingers move every two seconds. Why he’s taking so long to talk clearly? Reiner grew worried by the second as he thought of the possible answer that Zeke tried to say. 

You, on the other hand, wait patiently. Maybe, just maybe, this is just something not that harmful? Perhaps your illness was advanced but curable, right? There was nothing to worry, right?

"What you have... is— is a terminal illness."

Cold; shivers trough your spine; that's what you feel. As if someone cold hugs your form from behind— your hands freeze, and your eyes widened. You don't know what to feel, so you don't show emotion at all. The truth drops like a bomb— you felt something stung your heart and your stomach churn.

Reiner is the one breaking down. 

He instantly stands on his feet, his hands slamming on Zeke’s desk as he shouts with an horrified expression. "What?! No— this has to be a fucking mistake, Zeke. No, no, no!"

Zeke closes his eyes and sighs, "it isn't. We checked everything – something is happening to [Name], but we don't know what it is."

Reiner doesn’t want to believe that— he refuses. "There has to be something to beat that! There's— There's no way!"

You could see Reiner was frenetic— as he yelled at Zeke and denied the whole statement like a child, but you placed your hand in his arm and tried to calm him. He looks at you, and you notice how heartbroken he looks— but you guide him to sit again, and he obeys nonchalantly.

Looking at Zeke, —who is surprised by your calm demeanor— you quietly ask with dull eyes, "Is there a treatment?"

"We are looking into it."

"I see." You blink, "but what do I exactly have?"

"Your bones are getting weaker— as well as your respiratory system, explaining as to why you cough harshly and you feel your body weak everyday. As I said before, we don’t know what is causing it, but we will do everything we can to help you.”

You doze off after that. Zeke explains things you don’t want to hear— you just stare at him and nod unconsciously. You don’t hear Reiner talking with him, you just... exist. A heavy pain is felt on your chest and shoulders as you think of your future, if you had any. Were you really going to die?

“-understand, [Name]?” That’s Zeke’s voice speaking to you. Blinking, you notice Reiner and Zeke looking at you with their  frowns, and you guess anything they were saying wasn’t good. Clenching your fist, you answer with a short and low yes.

After some checkups and medication, Zeke advises you to go home and rest. You had to come tomorrow, as maybe they will arrange everything for your stay at the hospital. You just stare blankly at him, nodding automatically.

The ride back home is tensed and horribly uncomfortable. Reiner doesn’t exactly know what to say or do as he sees how... blank you look. It has been the first time he has seen you this unresponsive— but knowing the current situation, it’s understandable. He feels something heavy and painful on his chest— he stops his urges to cry and keep it together. He doesn't need to break like that in front of you— he had to be strong, even if he feels something so painful.

He takes your hand and squeezes it, as his other hand is occupied with the wheel. Reiner doesn’t look at you, his eyes fixed on the road.

He can feel your hand squeezing back.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

You tell Reiner to come in— it's evident you don't want to be alone with these... bad news. You want to be with someone, you need someone. How much time do you have left? And not even knowing your soulmate...

Life really is unfair.

As these thoughts cloud your mind, you find yourself chuckling at first, but it grows as an uncontrollable laughter. You take your head with your hands, laughing as Reiner can only watch in pain. He had never seen you like this in his life— not even Annie nor Bertholt. For once, he didn't know what to do to calm you. Placing his hands on your shoulders, the blond tried his best to bring you comfort, to let you know he's there with you.

You break down finally— the laughter stops abruptly as you breath heavily. Your throat hurts, your hands shake, your throat feels itchy. Your whole body feels itchy, and without thinking about it you harshly scratch your throat and arms. If Reiner wasn't there with you to stop your breakdown, maybe you could have hurt yourself really badly. He gets in front of you and takes your hands with his', looking at you with painful eyes. Gritting your teeth, you try not to cry, but the inevitable comes. Hot tears fell from your eyes, and hiccups get out. Sobbing, you can't help but cry harder as you grip tightly Reiner's hands, falling on your knees.

Reiner's eyes began to water unconsciously, and many tears came out from his eyes— as if something is making him cry.

And that someone is you.

He doesn't know how to feel or what to think in this moment— he loves you, and knowing you are soulmates is even better. But how is this found out isn't joyful or happy— it hurts, but that doesn't let him stop loving you.

"[Name]," he speaks, looking at you with narrowed eyes. You can see he's crying too, "we are soulmates."

Immediately stopping crying, your eyes widen and you look at him in disbelief. Just as the tears stop from coming, his tears stop too. It's as if time has stopped in this very moment with that revelation— your breath is caught in your throat and your whole body flinches. You felt sadder, and you cry again with more force than before.

"I—I'm so sorry, Reiner!" You can only say between your sobbing, feeling much more horrible. You were happy that it was him, but you knew there was no happy ending with you. Was this your fault? Why do you exist in the first place?

He shakes his head, smiling sadly at you. Both of you cry, sharing your tears. "Sorry? Babe, you are the person I always wanted."

"I'm gonna die... I'm sorry your soulmate is me!" You can't bear this painful feeling on your chest— you hug him and hide your face on his chest, your body shaking. He welcomes you, wrapping his arms around you tightly. His hand caresses your back in comfort, making you feel tired. Less and less tears come from your eyes, and only some sobs are heard.

"Don't be sorry— we are together in this, alright? You are not alone. I'm with you until the end."

No one moves. The only sounds from that room are Reiner's voice comforting you and your sobs.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

A month passed, and you were currently hospitalized under Zeke's care. You knew he was doing whatever he could to help you, but deep down everyone knew there was no hope for your future. He couldn't tell you when was your death sentence, but he guessed it wouldn't take much longer than three months.

You were really gone. There was no doubt as you couldn't even stand without someone's help— you couldn't walk anymore.

Annie and Bertholt came every weekend to check on you. They were devastated by the horrible news Reiner had to bring them— just as the two of you, they had to believe it with their own eyes. Seeing you in the hospital bed with all of these machines connected in your body wasn't a nice image— it was something they will remember forever, an image that will burn on the back of their minds.

Reiner was always there. He came everyday to take care of you— you felt nothing but a burden to him. He knew how you really felt when your eyes met; it was clear. But every time you felt this burden and guilt, his ridiculous and cheesy behavior appeared: he kissed everywhere; your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your neck, your hands... it never ceased to amuse you and making you laugh. It was something so childish, but in reality, you didn't mind. Even if you weren't the person you were before, that didn't mean anything to him— you were always going to be the person he will always love.

"I love you." He says, taking your hand and pressing it against his cheek. You chuckle by his behavior, making him blush in embarrassment, but smiles too. "What? Are you laughing at my love confession?"

"You look like a child. Always looking for my affection, hmn? You big baby." The two of you laugh. Caressing his face, your gentle voice say, "I love you."

Reiner was the happiest man alive when he was with you— it was really obvious by the eyes of his two friends. He always talked about you every day as if you were a treasure that nobody could find. It was... bittersweet.

He always was there to wake you up and help you walk trough the hospital's garden. You loved their flowers, and enjoyed it even more when Reiner was with you.

But there was a day when you didn't wake up and see the flowers anymore.

He cried, but there wasn't no one with him to share his tears with.

You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.

Jodi Picoult (via wordsnstuff)

I love you and your stories/writings...... Keep safe and healthy, dear!☺️💖

thank you very much! i havent written much but my stories are always on my mind LOL. sorry for the, again, long hiatus.