When You Try To Talk About Writer’s Block And Ppl Out There Telling You To “write Anyway!” “you

Flower Curse | A. Confess

levi's ending

[levi x male!reader x erwin] vomiting; hanahaki disease, angst. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him. A. Confess.

You decide to confess— straight and direct. Hiding would not save your ass, and you don't think your feelings will change anytime soon. So the best thing you think will be better is just being honest. What could go wrong? He saying no and you dying? Well, yeah. But better try and do it quicker.

So that's what you are going to do. Passing a hand through your hair, you sigh, trying to calm your nerves. Walking through the halls, greeting the soldiers and higher ranks while they pass you. It's been a busy week, thanks for the expedition coming up.

Standing in front of his door, you compose yourself before knocking. Would he be irritated right now? Would it be a good idea to do it later? No! Do it now— you have the guts to do it now, and you will. Everything will be alright. Just tell your feelings and wait for his response— easy.

Nervously knocking, you try to control your breathing and stop blushing, both tasks failing. Hearing a voice saying, "come in" makes you shiver, and you follow the order. Opening the door, you shyly enter the office, averting the ravenette's gaze.

"Ah, [Name]. What now?" He asks, writing something on a paper.

Gulping, you answer, "I wanted to tell you something important." You play with your hands, still not looking at him.

He raises a brow, looking expectantly at you. Waiting for you to go on but only hearing mumbling makes him irritated, so he slightly raises his voice, "What is it?"

Jumping a little in surprise, you try your best to say it clear and clean, closing your eyes. You wish for the best. "I know you like someone else, but I really like you!" There, you said it as clear as you could— was it enough? God, did you just sound like a teenager?

You waited for a response before opening your eyes, but it never came. There was only silence, so you slowly opened your eyes to finally see him.

His eyes were widened with his mouth slightly opened. He stopped writing whatever he was on the paper, looking at you in disbelief. But just as you quickly saw it, it disappeared, leaving his usual frown, but you felt something different about him... Something... gentle.

Gulping, your negative thoughts came back once again. You knew this wasn't a good idea— your guts were telling you that since the very beginning. What were you thinking? You could feel the flowers waking up, trying to get out. Quickly, you tried fixing this hot mess, "I—I just wanted to tell you that. I know you don't feel the same, so don't say anything..." You were stupid, very stupid. Averting his gaze, you quickly look for the door handle, but a sudden noise of someone moving stops you, along with his voice.

“Where do you think are you going?” He asks, and you feel he is smirking. You froze on the spot, with your hand on the door handle. You don’t want to see him— you can feel your cheeks blushing and your mind clouding. “Look at me.”

You don’t obey the command right away. Gulping, you try to say something— think something clearly, but nothing came. You tried to make the flowers stay inside. Still frozen in the same place, you can hear footsteps approaching you. Shit— was he going to punch you? Kick you? Laugh at you? No, he wouldn’t… right?

“I said,” he grabs your shoulder, making you turn and look at him, “look at me.”

Your nervous gaze shifts on his face and averts it at the same time. You knew your face was all red— and you actually saw a smirk appear on his face by the looks of your face. You were sweating, mumbling, trying to say anything.

He just looks at your blubbering mess; your blushed face and notice how your hands shake. The ravenette is actually surprised by your demeanor— the sight of you like this wasn’t that regular, sadly. He actually enjoys seeing you flustered like this, and knowing he is the reason of it is even better.

If it weren’t for this sudden confession out of nowhere, Levi would never have caught your feelings for him. So that’s why you were this quiet lately. He thought, still looking at you. He always tried to stay away from feelings like this— loving someone seemed just not possible in the current situation. Nevertheless, he actually thought about you and him being like that.

He sighs, closing his eyes. Trying to think clearly, he stays silent. Does he feel the same? Could he be with you like that? Well, he couldn’t deny how pleasant is your company, even if he didn’t say it out loud. He liked the sound of your laugh, and even if the two of you stayed far apart in the expeditions, he always watched over you until you disappeared with your squad on the field. And just as the expedition finishes, he can’t stop the feeling to look immediately for you, feeling relieved when he sees you safe and sound. He knew you were capable of protecting yourself and others, but the sudden feel of look for you at all times don’t go away, even if he knows it’s impossible for you to die.

He likes when your hands accidentally touches each other when you both try to grab the pot, he likes cleaning your messy face when you eat like a child, he likes the comfortable talks you two have in the nights, and even if you don’t have a topic of conversation, he doesn’t mind the silence. The ravenette admits being disappointed by the lack of conversations lately; he didn’t like the empty feeling that stayed when you didn’t look for him.

Could he feel the same way?

Actually, yes, he could.

Opening his eyes, he sees you a little more relaxed than before. Your cheeks are now slightly reddish, and you are patiently looking at him. He likes— no, loves the sight of you. He can feel something warm on his chest when he looks at you. He notices the closeness and his urges surfaces, making him look at you in another way he didn’t think he could.

Before you could say anything, you can see him coming closer to you, instantly feeling something soft on your lips, making your eyes widened.

He smirks at your surprise and takes the lead, grabbing your collar and pulling you against him, making you two closer. You just stay in total surprise, your mind doesn’t give you any orders and you are frozen in place. The only thing you could do was grab his shoulders to steadying yourself.

The feeling was hot, you knew your face was red again. The ravenette was doing all the work here, fiercely kissing you before breaking the session, catching both of your breaths.

He smirks, “Does that answer any questions?” The ravenette asks, looking expectantly at you. Seeing you this flustered made him certainly warm, but he tried his best to stay in place. “I told you before I cared more than them, right, idiot?”

And immediately, any feel of discomfort left you. The flowers surprisingly disappeared, and you could breathe normally again.

Were you cured?

The sudden action left you surprised, but knowing he felt the same, you quickly mimicked his actions, by his amusement. He just deeply chuckled, and took the lead once again.

Yes, he truly loved you.

After that pleasant moment, Levi and you became close once again. Your friends noticed the closeness between the two of you, Erwin being the first one. He seemed calmer by how things turned out for the both of you, not before giving you a strange look you couldn’t decipher at all. You ignored it, seeing his smile, but slightly tensed form. And unknowingly by you, he stayed in silence when you left, sighing before mumbling,

“Too late.”

Hange was excited and happy for the surprise you gave her, along with Moblit who only sighed in relief. The woman only just jumped like a little child, happy by the events. You laughed, feeling warm at the sight of your friends.

Unfortunately, you feeling better weren’t good news for everybody.

A certain girl could see both of your hands touch beneath the table in the mess hall, unknown by everyone but her. She could see the kisses when you two thought being alone. She could see the closeness between the two of you. She could see everything.

She could feel something blooming inside her lungs, making her unable to breath.

Little Petra could only look in horror as flowers came out from her throat.

Aren't you happy?

Are you satisfied with the choice you made?

I don’t know if you’re still active but I just want to say I love your writing. Very few works have nearly brought me to tears like your hanahaki disease fic did. Very well done. Your work is amazing!

Thank you sooo much!! 😭😭😭😭 you don’t know how happy your words made me. Thank you! Maybe it’s a little weird, but I’m happy to read you cried by reading my work. I truly believe that when I tried to be more angsty, it actually looked ridiculous and cringy. Again, thank you for words! Actually, I’m focused more on a (very) dark themed work called “Reiss Mental Asylum”, a yandere harem with aot characters! You can read it on my quotev, ao3 and wattpad! (I added my links!) I’ve been trying to publish it here, but my phone crashes tumblr a lot!! ;_; I traveled, so I don’t have a computer to publish them sooner… ;;;;

Flower Curse | 5

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

f o u r

“And you say you have nothing important to do today?“ you asked, walking through the busy corridors beside Erwin.

“I didn't exactly say that,“ he replied, “yes, I have other matters, but you are more important than them.“

Blinking, you just nodded in acknowledge. The comment made you slightly surprised, but the feeling about how he worried about you made you warm.

“Did you say anything to Levi?”

“I just told him and Mike we were going to have some matters in Wall Sina,” he hold a smirk, “Levi actually looked taken aback for not bringing him, Mike just nodded.”

“Obviously. You two are always together, he knows something is up.”

“Indeed. He's irritated about how you ignore him,” he gave you a look, “you didn't see him all morning, right?”

The question made you scoff, “Of course not. Why would I want to see him if everything I do make the flowers arise? I just make my health worse by just looking at him.”

The reply only made Erwin humm, deep in thought.

Why would you see him? What good would be in that? He only hurted you— and he didn't even know. Every time he approached you, you just replied with short sentences and flew as fast as you could without looking at him. Even Hange and Moblit helped you out by calling your name or saying you were needed somewhere else, taking a nasty look from Levi every time. It was just little time about the ravenette's patience ran out.

A sudden memory from this morning came up to you.

////

You were currently walking in the corridor, with a mountain of paperwork between your hands. They needed to be finished soon— so you hurriedly walked to your office.

That would have been wonderful. But, lately, things going 'wonderfully' wasn't allowed in your life at any means,

"Oi. Where the fuck have you been?"

Wonderful.

"Levi! Nice to see you. Right now I don't have time, bye!" You tried to hurry the hell up and be as far as possible from him, but he is Levi. He doesn't let anyone escape from him.

"Hell with that. You have been avoiding me, why?" he demanded, harshly taking your arm and making you stop on your tracks. You almost fell if it wasn't for his strong grip — you believed there was going to have a bruise in a couple of minutes.

"Pff, avoiding you? Don't be ridiculous. I've been busy, now, if you excuse me..." Trying to get off from his grasp was impossible. He wasn't letting you walk off like other times, he was pissed.

His frown was more apparent than before, he was glaring straight at you. You could tell he was done playing games.

"Don't take me for an idiot, [Name]. It's been nearly one week and I've only seen you once. What's happening? Don't you dare fucking lie."

You frowned. You tried to play it off at first— but him wanting answers was getting on your nerves. Maybe you were acting selfish for not telling him anything — but you honestly didn't care for that. "I told you I've been busy. Don't you have nowhere to be?" You answered, gritting your teeth. He should be with his Petra right now, shouldn't he? Why was he looking for you?

Your answer only got him riled up, by the looks of his face. He took your collar with no care, making you drop some papers on the floor. Face to face, you could see how angry he was— his eyes were more than expressive, his mouth was pressed in a thin line and you knew he was holding back.

"What has gotten into you? You are not at the mess hall when I am, you don't train the cadets anymore and you certainly don't look for me. What's the goddamn reason? Answer me."

Before you could say anything, a certain couple came and interrupted your little 'fight'. Hange and her assistant, Moblit.

"[Name]!! I just was looking for you, lucky me!!" Noticing the state you were in, she placed an arm around Levi's shoulder and spook right on his ear, "Shorty!! Sorry for interrupting but little [Name] has to come with me~" She stated, smiling goofly.

Her actions made him snap at her and move his grip from your collar and arm, now placing them on the scientist's collar, sending her a murderous glare. "Listen here, shitty glasses— I'm not in the fucking mood right now so you better—"

As Levi spoke right in front of her face, Hange made a signal with her hand to make both of you leave while he was shortly distracted. Moblit helped you run the hell out of there, leading you to Hange's office, place you were stuck until Erwin came for you.

//////

Remembering the raven's iron grip on your arm made you touch it without thinking— suppressing a hiss when you felt pain. There was a bruise for sure, lucky for you. You barely were healed from your past injuries at the training grounds; with only yellowish bruises left on your skin. and ocassional pain when they were touched.

“Anyways,” you broke the silence, “how did you find Ziegler?”

“Some squads collected information from wall Maria, Rose and the underground. We eventually got something about him— he owns a bakery in Wall Sina, in Stohness District. He is also married.”

“Married, uh...” the thought about him carry on his life made you wonder of your own– would Levi do the same thing? Get married? “How old is he?”

“Sixty seven years old.”

“Damn, little Barry grew old. I wonder how his life has been after that..."

Before you could leave the place, one of your squad members called you with nervousness, making you turn around. Spotting a certain ginger girl with brown eyes shifting nervously, you blinked strangely.

“Uh? Trish, what's up?” you brightly asked, putting your usual façade instantly.

She saluted to the both of you, and then relaxed at Erwin's command. "The corporal has been asking for you! And he is more irritated than usual...” she looks around as if looking for him, “and is making all of us scared about what tasks are for us...” she sighed, “he even scolded Jaeger for just sneezing and made him do cleaning duty in all the castle by himself! He's terrifying today!”

You laughed, “Sadly, I can't go and see him right now. I have some urgent attends to attend to, so kindly say I don't time for him and to stop being an irritable piece of–” before you could finish your sentence, Erwin cleared his throat in a manner of ’hold yourself’, rolling your eyes you finished, “just say the first thing.”

“S–Squad Leader! He's going to have my head! I can't say that! Think about my life!” she desperately exclaimed, ignoring that her Commander was right there, thing that made you laugh more. Nevertheless, you hold your laugh as best as you could, “Trisha, I believe you are brave. Try to sugarcoat my words and I believe everything will be over. The sooner the better, right? Right. Bye–bye!” grabbing Erwin's arm, you practically ran out of there, ignoring the calls of help Trisha was yelling.

“B-but! Squad Leadeeeer!”

_________________

"We're here. Do we know where his house is at?" you asked, stretching your arms while looking around the District. It was pretty busy; people walking around, children playing... The usual within the walls.

"Yes. His bakery and house are close to each other, let's go." The blond said, already walking off. Hurriedly, you ran to his side, walking at his pace.

The walk was quiet— not that you complained. You were practically watching everything you could from this dristrict; afterall, it wasn't everyday you could go to Wall Sina as you pleased. Erwin was lucky to do that thanks to his rank as the commander.

It was easy to notice that Wall Sina was the most expensive and beautiful place between the walls. The ground's pattern looked pretty, the people here dressed very... eccentrically? And how they talked was 'sophisticated' in their little minds. They sounded ridiculous in your opinion.

You envied their ignorance for a second. How they could live as if people weren't scarifying their lives for theirs. And the mocky glares they sent to the both of you made your blood boil— before you could storm off right at their faces a hand grabbed your wrist, making you stop.

It was Erwin's. It was a strong hold, but not painful. He looked right into your eyes, and the pair of serene eyes that resembled the sky captivated you. Blinking, you just stared, waiting for a response.

"Calm yourself." Was the only thing he said.

Nodding, you closed your eyes and sighed, clearing your mind. Getting angry for things like this wasn't worth it— especially with what you were going trough. Opening your eyes you were met with his warmn gaze once again. This time no word left his mouth, he returned looking in front of him and began walking.

His hand never left yours.

_____\\\\______ "Here's the bakery, the house should be..." Erwin talked while you ignored him. Your attention was in the store in front of you— what seemed to be that man's bakery. Trought the glass you could see diverse pastries— cookies, pieces of a delicious chocolate cake and bread that looked freshly baked by its perfect looks. The scene made you practically droll— but some certain pink cookies caught your attention.

Pink cookies neatly placed on a small porcelain plate painted with small pink flowers you didn't recognize. It matched with the cookies themselves, because their surface was decorated with what resembled pink roses. The sudden image of flowers made you abruptly end your appetite, and out of curiosity you seeked the pastery's name.

Written so elegantly in white paper— the name was “Flowers of Darla”.

Gulping, your gaze traveled to the shop's name— as if you were going to see something you didn't want to, if that made sense.

“Darla's Pastries“

That was... unexpected and expected at the same time. Why would he name his store with her name? With what purpose?

The bell from the door alerted you of someone leaving the store— being that someone Erwin himself. You didn't even notice when he went into the bakery! "[Name], Ziegler's house is..." He stated, but before continuing talking he noticed your mouth suspiciously wet, making him raise one of his big eyebrows. "Your mouth is... wet. Here, let me..." He finished, holding your chin and taking from his jacket's pocket a handkerchief he carefully cleaned your mouth with, with a strangely soft gaze you never saw before.

Finishing cleaning your face like a mother would have done, you thanked him and both of you returned walking as nothing happened.

Nothing happened, right?

"Who was in the bakery?" You asked, looking at the blond's face.

"His son." He shortly answered, not leaving his gaze from the path ahead, making you wonder in your thoughts.

He had a family now. He didn't forgot about Darla— but he moved on. You didn't even know if Darla was dead or alive, but the ending chapter of the book surely pointed out that she was no longer in this world. You and everybody were sure that Darla was no longer than a memory— someone who just came and went.

The thought made you sad for her.

It looked like Erwin noticed your troubled expression; because he gently took your hand with caring and meet your eyes, that unlike his, yours were filled with anxiety and fear.

There weren't words needed, the warm touch was enough to calm you down and nod. He stared for a moment, before returning to walking. It was only a short walk now, because he stopped right in front of a house.

The house was like every other one of the district— white, looking impeccable and neat. The commander went to the door and knock it three times, with you nervously behind him. The door opened, revealing a chubby woman with brown hair tied up in a bun, leaving some revealing hairs on her sides and bun. Her gaze looked tired but gentle— hazel eyes sparking with life. She was dressed with a casual orange long dress, unlike some other you saw before.

"Hello, gentlemen. Can I help you?" She asked, smiling at both if you. You returned it with a smile that didn't reach your eyes.

Luckily, Erwin was a perfect example of how to talk with someone, because all of his demeanor changed into the "good charming guy".

"Good afternoon. We're looking for Barry Ziegler, is he home?" Erwin asked, returning the smile with one that looked very real. Better than yours, for sure.

"He is, what are you exactly looking him for, if I may ask?" The woman cautiously questioned, not that you blamed her. If two soldiers —and especially with one of them looking like shit— from the Survey Corps were looking for your husband who lived in Wall Sina, you would be weirded out for sure.

"We wanted to discuss something about his book— It's an important matter, so if you could notify him we would be grateful, ma'am."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying, "Alright, please come inside." She opened the door and made way for you two to come in. She closed the door once you were inside and said, "Have a sit, you can take some cookies if you want, Excuse me, I will talk to him." And with that went upstairs, disappearing from your sight.

The home looked... nice. The wall were painted in white with what seemed to be a roses pattern. At the center of the living room were two sofas, with a table on the middle. There was a plate with cookies on it— the same roses cookies you saw before, in the bakery.

There were some bookshelfs too, and a big window were you could see the pathway you were walking, but it was covered with curtains. There was another room that you guessed was the kitchen.

You sat down along with Erwin in one of the couches. Giving a look to the cookies made you hungry again, despite the fact of it's hidden meaning. Without thinking much you took one— hey, the woman gave you permission to eat, so why not? Taking a bite, your surprised gaze took the blond's attention, because your sudden change if demeanor made him raise an eyebrow.

"These cookies are..." you looked at him in awe, "very good." Blinking, you offered him your half eaten cookie, ignoring that there were others cookies he could take, "you have to try them, Erwin. This is the best thing I've ever eaten in my whole life." And you weren't lying— the pastry was something youi never tried before. Wall Sina was recognized by a lot of things, and one of them was it's pastries. But you never guessed it was that glorious, it was like... taking a bite of heaven.

Erwin couldn't stop letting out a chuckle. He took the cookie and ate it— you waited for any expressions he would make, but there was no change.

"It's good." He stated.

"Good?! It's fantastic! I want to eat hundreds of this!" You said, looking like a child in Erwin's eyes. You took more and more cookies, and some of it was left on the sides of your mouth, making a mess of yourself. Your expression was relaxed and smiley — you were in a bliss.

The sight of you made the blond stare at you. It was rare to see you relaxed lately— with all that was going on you couldn't catch a break and be yourself. Something that he... missed. He was always checking on you on all times, seeing if you were in pain or needed support, that you often did. He would held you when you would break; whispering things on your ear until you calmed down or fell asleep.

And watching you right now, like a child eating candy made his gaze softened. It was a moment he would treasure— forever, until his last day.

Looking at your joyful face made him spot the cookies' crombs on your cheeck and the sides of your mouth. And without taking his handkerchief, his hand approached your face, placing it on your cheeck and with his thumb cleaning your face. The action made you instantly look at him in confusion, but before both of you could do anything, the sound of someone coming downstairs made you two return to your serious faces and stand up from the couch.

Who came down was an old man— his hair was all grey, he had a beard and wore glasses. His wife was accompanying him.

The man looked at both of you with an expression you couldn't catch. "Hello, gentlemen. Please, sit down." You obeyed him, looking curiously at him.

"I will go to the bakery, I have to see how Thomas is doing," his wife said, smiling at both of you before leaving.

Both of you returned your attention to the man— who sat down on the other couch across yours. "I'm Barry, but I guess you already know my name."

"Yes. I'm Erwin Smith and he is [Name] [Last Name], pleased to meet you, Barry." Erwin said, looking directly at Barry. "We're are here to discuss some matters of your book."

"I've never had soldiers coming on my house to discuss on my works before. This is quite... surprising." The writer stated, raising an eye brow.

"Well, this is an important matter. But we don't want to discuss the book itself; we want to talk about something that was touched in your work."

"And wich of my works are you talking about? You have to be more specific."

"Hanahaki Curse, sir."

When Erwin said the title of the book, Barry's face changed from relaxed to one of surprise, and then, sadness.

"Aah... that one," he closed his eyes, "what do you want to discuss from it?"

"Was it... was it all real?" This time you asked, a little unsure.

He let out a sigh, and replied, "Why would you think that? All of my works are fictional."

You gulped, "Because I have the curse."

He instantly opened his eyes, widening them as if he was in disbelief. There was a minute of silence, and then the man talked again, cautious. "You... have it?"

Nodding, he sadly sighed. "I see." Rubbing his temples, he got up from his seat and went to the window, taking the curtains off. He stand there, looking at the outside. "What questions do you have for me?"

"Where is Darla?" you asked.

"Gone." He replied, "She never stood a chance. Nobody does, usually."

You winded at that; nobody lives.

"Aren't there no survivors from this?" Erwin questioned, "Then, how do you know for the flowers to cease, you have to be loved back?"

"That's because the only living proof I knew was Darla's mother." He placed his hand on his back, thoughtful. "She was the only person I knew. I've knew three people that had this; Darla's mother, Darla, and one of my close friends."

"Did he make it?" you asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, he didn't." He turned at you, "This illness is so rare. The last time I heard from it was thirty years ago. But now... here you are."

"Why doesn't every person who isn't reciprocated has this?"

"I don't have an answer for that."

You were getting desperate. "And doctors? What do they say? I'm sure they have investigated something, right?"

"I'm afraid not. This... topic is forbidden to talk about, the King itself doesn't want anyone aware of it."

"What? The King covers this? But with what reason?! If this was know, maybe the doctors could do something to fix it!"

"[Last Name], humanity right now needs more population. What would people do if they knew about this?"

What would they do...? Well, they would be more cautious to love someone else... and if they were more scared of love, then...

"People would fear falling in love with someone, and then nobody would..."

"Exactly. Nobody would want to be with someone if there is a chance to die like that. Even if the chances of having the illness are slim, the King doesn't want to take chances." He returned to his seat and proceed, "I almost got in trouble for writing it, actually. But, explaining my reasons and saying all was fictional, worked. The Military Police can be... like talking to animals. They don't want to hear you— the King's word is always final."

"That's... nuts! And— and there isn't anything I could do about it?! I have to wait until I die?!" you exclaimed, getting nervous and scared. "There's no cure?! Anything?!" Your hands turned into fists, turning them white by your force. Erwin tried to calm you down, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"I refuse to believe that," Erwin stated, looking at Barry, who eyes were saddened, "there has to be something else."

"You already heard the cure. The one you love has to reciprocate your feelings— no surgery has never been done before. That, is impossible."

"That... that can't be..." you murmured, covering your face with your hands.

"What about Darla's mother?"

"She's gone, too. Quickly after Darla passed, she did aswell." He looked in thought, and snapped his finger when he remembered. "Let me get something, I will be right back."

He left upstairs.

You suffered, trying to hold the tears that wanted to get out. Erwin only squished your shoulder in silence.

Barry returned with a book on his hand, and placed it on the table. "This was... Darla's journal." he passed his hand on it, with a soft gaze. "Martha, Darla's mother, gave it to me when Darla passed. She said to me that... I had to have it."

Signing, you tried to stay mentally strong and not to break. Erwin's warming touch was the only thing in this goddamn room helping you stay sane. Relaxing your hands, you looked at the older man, waiting for an explanation.

He approached the book at you, "And now I'm giving it to you." Hearing that, your eyes widened.

"Giving it to me? Why? Darla was no one to me— I... I don't have the right to have it."

A sad smile formed on his lips, looking at the journal with melancholia. "You have it now," he said, "you now understand what she went trough— This old man doesn't have to keep this no more, there is no use of it for me."

Unsure, you took the journal with caring. "How... how did you find out...?"

"That she died because of me?" You nodded, "her mother told me just when she passed away... I was wondering why she was avoiding me every day..." He slightly smiled, looking lost in thought, "when I found out I was devasted. I didn't even understand what Martha was explaining to me.

A girl throwing up flowers just because her love isn't reciprocated? Impossible — That's a thing you read in fairy tales. But, I guess the world has been more fascinating lately, right?" he let out a dry laugh, looking at the two of you. "I wish things would have been different."

"Would you have loved her back...?" you kindly asked.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and replied, "I'm afraid not. The one I fell in love with was my actual wife, Lily. If Darla would have told me she loved me, it would have been the same answer she knew all along."

You gulped, feeling cold all of sudden. There was no way out— no doctors, no cure, no love... you will die. You will.

"I... see..." was the only thing you could say. Thought of your final days were flashing through your mind; would it be peaceful? painful?

"We don't have more questions. We should leave, we are thankful of your time." Erwin said, helping you stand. The blond noticed how you were in a slight state of shock.

"No, my apologies for not giving you the answers you wanted." The old man took a small box; it was white and decorated with flowers. "Here," he gave it to Erwin, "I noticed your friend liked them– that's the only thing I can give."

Erwin took the box and thanked him. Barry opened the door but before you could leave, he stop you both. "Ah! Now that I remember... There is a doctor in Wall Rose— Timothy Eisenhower, an old friend of mine. He has been investigating this illness, but with no patients there's no way to know if a certain surgery will work." He explained, "here, let me write his direction..."

At least, hearing that a doctor was investigating this horrible thing made you slightly relieved. Nevertheless, knowing that if a surgery never done before was the only way, you knew that was as risky as being outside fighting titan in an expedition. Dangerous.

"If you go with him tell him that you know me. He has been cautious about this— with the King's word and all."

"Of course, thank you again, sir."

"Don't thank me. I hope everything goes well for you."

Hope wasn't helping you at all. _____________________ "What should we do now?"

"Return to the barracks. It's late, and with the expedition around the corner I have to get everything on time."

"Yeah, the expedition..." Will you be able to be ready for the expedition? Nothing did matter anymore. If a titan or the flowers killed you, it would be the same. You will die anyways, right?

"Let's not forget Eisenhower. I will write a letter for him— maybe Hange and you can meet him tomorrow, if everything goes well."

"Well, I'm not getting my hopes up. A surgery never done can kill the patient too." Letting out a humorless laugh, you said, "but I dont have nothing to lose, right? I'm dying anyways."

"We don't know what will happen, let's get to every possible way to fix this, [Name]."

"Sure thing, Erwin..." ________________ Twilight. Were you really that late? How many hours you were outside? Time seemed too short, but maybe it was just you.

After returning to the castle, Erwin went to his office and you went directly to your office. Well, tried to. A certain grumpy short man was just waiting for you outside your office; arms crossed and looking pissed. Yahoo, what else could go wrong today?

"Hello, Levi." You greeted, trying to open the door but the ravenette was blocking your way with his entire body on the door. "Can I enter my office, please? I'm exhausted."

"You didn't give me a explanation before leaving. Now we are here, without any distractions— so tell me, what are you hiding?" He glared straight at you, no sign for moving. You were getting exasperated.

"Explanation for what? I already told you I have been busy, holy shit." You replied, "can you move already? You are in the goddamn way." Now it was your turn to glare at him; you were done playing nice.

"What the fuck has gotten into you? You look sick, you don't talk to me. You have been acting like a goddamn child; explain what the hell is happening." He harshly took you by the collar, getting close both of your faces, "Where did Erwin and you go? When I was looking for you, Trisha just told me you couldn't see me. But why exactly?"

Gritting your teeth, you replied, "that's none of your fucking business, Levi."

The reply only made him riled up, because he grabbed your collar and slammed you against the wall, making you grunt. Uh oh— the flowers were awaken once more, you could feel inside, wanting to get out.

"Hell with that — it is my fucking business, you piece of shit. You better watch—"

"Levi, in my office right now."

Hearing your savior, Erwin, made you sigh in relief. You didn't know how or why he appeared right in time— maybe because he was going to check on you? In any case, you silently thanked him.

Levi frowned, he was truly pissed about the two of you getting interrupted; he wanted answers but it seemed impossible. He glared at Erwin, still grabbing you by the collar. "No. No until [Name] explains—"

"What I said was an order." Erwin demanded, with an aura of intimidation that got you uncomfortable. Levi only grunted in irritation, and took you a last harsh glance before letting you go. He walked away, and before Erwin did too, he gave you a strange look you couldn't really decipher.

Without taking more time, you opened the door and closed it when you were inside; locking it. In an instant you were throwing up all of the flowers inside you— purple flowers.

Patting, you stayed kneeled on the floor, trying to catch your breath. Your only thought was "Why can't I stop loving him?"

Yeah, why you couldn't? You knew he didn't love you— so what was the reason for still being in love with him? Was it love stronger than your hatred? How so? You just wanted to get cured; free from this horrible illness. But that seemed impossible. Why was it that hard to stop loving? Why, why you love him so much...?

Why was this a punishment? Why you couldn't just... love him from afar? Why you were so unlucky that you got this curse? Why? What did you do?

You got up with the strength you had left— taking the journal from your pocket and placing it on the desk, you sat down, looking lost.

"I'm... tired." Was the only thing you say, before everything went black, and you dreamed about better things and a joyful life.

Without noticing, a tear escaped.

Petunia: The petunia symbolizes resentment and anger.

s i x

When you check your word count, and it’s only at 20 words:

e m p t y / 9

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter nine  — new mornings

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They lived two years in Trost, but it took them one year to live on their own. Even with Lydia's protests —and Jean protested in secret, too—, Beatrice didn't want to be the burden she felt she was, and with her savings of the bread and pastries she did in the local bakery, it was enough for them to move to a house near the gates. Beatrice and [Name] couldn't stop thanking Lydia in opening the door of her home, taking them in as if they were family. [Name]'s mom had told him Lydia was a great friend in her past, before she moved to Shinganshina.

Even if the old memories of his past hometown tormented him in some way, along with his friends, he somehow enjoyed living in Trost. It was a nice place— Lydia was just as nice as Beatrice and Jean was a good friend. Before he knew it, their friendship went deeper and deeper, becoming really close. Jean always worried about [Name]'s headaches, every time trying to help in anything he could along with Lydia. The woman bought plenty of herbs with her own money to try and calm his migraines, and Beatrice nor [Name] could stop thanking her for it.

It become frequent how Jean couldn't stop himself and caress [Name]'s hair every headache— his eyes became softer when he frowned. It had become a reflex, somehow. [Name] didn’t mind— in fact, the teenager didn’t care at all about getting touchy. He liked taking Jean’s hand and play with it when they were bored sitting under a tree, or just lay his head on Jean’s legs to sleep.

At first it felt weird, but as Jean could feel butterflies in his stomach, he suspected what was happening. He got nervous when [Name] so normally and carelessly touched him like nothing, as if it was something anyone would do. Jean now believed Beatrice when she said [Name] was a social inept— all of what he was doing felt like they were lovers, and he didn’t even know it. Every time he did it, Jean blushed and averted looking at the boy, sometimes even evading touching him.

Jean knew very well what his feelings were but refused to believe it, it was obvious. Even his' and [Name]'s mom did. It was difficult to bear with it, even more when [Name] was oblivious about it. Why wasn't him more upfront? These couple years have made him more brutally honest than before, so why he couldn't confess to him? Was it fear? Maybe for rejection. Jean knew [Name] didn't know or wasn't interested in these topics— he had tried to question the boy before, but nothing came out of it. [Name] was uninterested, or maybe he have never felt something like that before, so he couldn't speak about it as if he knew.

__ __ __ __ __

“So [Name]...”

”Hmn?”

”Have you ever liked someone?”

”Liked...?” He looks to the sky, “well, yeah.”

”Really? Who?” He tried his best to sound uninterested about the topic.

”You,” Jean’s face blushed at that, but before he could get his hopes up [Name] followed with, “my friends from my hometown too... specially Armin.” And with that Jean went to the beginning, frowning with a twitch on his eye.

”not that type of liking! I mean If you have liked someone as in... love." He blushed, embarrassed by such thing to say.

“Like the books our moms read?” And he did sometimes too. Beatrice loved reading, specially romance novels. Armin and Beatrice had taught him reading books would be a good thing for learning about emotions, in some way. It could have sounded stupid— how someone didn't know what they feel? But [Name] didn't. He felt like a vessel still— these past experiences have helped a lot to grow his sentimental side, but there was more to know.

”Weird example, but yeah, like these cheesy stories.”

”hmn...” he had never thought about it— well, he liked Mr. Erwin a lot, but not as in love. “Don’t think so.” Maybe Beatrice? She says 'I love you' a lot to him, but he doesn't know if it's that particular form of love Jean is saying. "What about you?"

"W-Well— of course," he tried to sound 'cool' if that helped, "I've going out with some girls and—"

"That's not true. You are always with me." [Name] looks at him with a raised brow, obviously not believing his lie. Jean's facade faltered, but the teenager tried to change the attention to another topic.

"A-Anyways!" He laughed nervously, "have you ever kissed somebody?! BECAUSE I HAVE!"

"Kissed..." He blinked, deep in thought. [Name] didn't remember kissing anybody, but the sudden feeling of doing it is there. He touches his lips, wondering. "I don't think so."

Jean gulped, trying to play it off, "would you... like to try it?" He knew very well what he was doing— [Name] was unaware of these things, but it wasn't as if he was taking advances out of him, right? It was just... something for him to learn.

The amnesiac teenager blinks, staring at Jean. According to these books, a kiss meant something special, a sign of love. [Name] didn't know what love certainly was, so maybe trying kissing Jean would make something different? "Okay."

"O-Okay?! I-I mean—! A-Alright," Jean gulped, blushing. His heartbeat is erratic— he didn't actually believe [Name] agreed of something like this. Good thing they are in the forest near the walls— it would have been too embarrassing being looking at. Both of them kneeled in front of each other, [Name] looking at him with his head tilted. Jean averted his gaze, trying to calm himself.

He sighs, ready. Getting near [Name]'s face, his hands shake. The amnesiac teenagers gets near too, but Jean freezes. His eyes widen, not knowing what to do. Surprisingly, [Name] is the one who initiates the kiss— his hand supporting on the ground to get nearer Jean as he closes his eyes. It's clearly an inexperience kiss— but Jean's heart felt like it was going to explode. It's such a gentle and soft gesture, a curious action. Before he knows it, [Name] is pulling away with a humn. Jean is completely red, he is happy about what just happened, but he knows he can't get his hopes up with [Name], remembering how he usually is.

Nobody talks— [Name] tilts his head, touching his lips while Jean is still shocked by the kiss. What did [Name] feel? Did he like it? Did he realize something?

"S-So, what do you think?"

"I don't know."

"W-What?"

"It's... different, but I don't feel something else about it," Jean's heart crashes as he hears these words. He had a little bit of hope something would change, but it seems it didn't. "You?"

The taller teenager sighs, clenching his jaw. "Same." His excitement and happiness fade away as quickly as they appeared. Maybe this would be the first and last time he took advantage of [Name] like this— a kiss was something hurtful but wonderful at the same time. 'Love' surely hurt a lot.

__ __ __ __ __

Love was something unknown for him, and for now, he didn't look interested by it. Jean hoped sometime he would have taken a more liking to him after that kiss, but Jean knew that was unlikely. So he hided his feelings, in hope of someday he could show them when the time was right. But obviously he took advances of [Name]'s touchy behavior— when he laid his head on Jean's lap, he played with [Name]'s hair. Or sometimes when the other rested his head on his shoulder, Jean would rest his head on the other's, smelling his hair.

This situation was annoying.

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Beatrice lived in fear of hearing those words— living the day he would leave to chase his dream. She didn't want to appear sad in front of her boy, so his anguish and sadness were showed with Lydia. The woman tried to comfort Beatrice as best as she could— but both of them knew their boys would leave them soon.

But it was time, and Beatrice knew from the start it was going to come sooner nor later. She always hoped he could change his mind, but his mind was set the first time he heard about the military. But she couldn't stop him, could she? She couldn't stop her husband nor son, and look what happened.

"Mom..." He spoke, stopping eating. Hearing such tone made Beatrice's heart hurt— that was it, "I'm going to enlist to the military."

She didn't say a word for some minutes, worrying [Name] by it. Beatrice had never got silenced over anything, but he knew he touched a sensible spot. She relieved some memories about her husband and a son he didn't know anything about— they left, enlisted to the survey corps and as many expected, they died in combat. It was painful and difficult to accept such thing again, but Beatrice can't forever hold a bird who wants to be free.

"Is that what you really want?" She hold her tears and her voice from breaking, but [Name] saw trough the facade easily. It was the second time felt something like heartbreak, seeing her like this. He stood up from his seat and keeled besides her, hugging her waist and resting his head on her legs. She caressed his hair, not holding the tears anymore. [Name] shut his eyes, some tears slipping and wetting Beatrice's dress.

"Yes."

"I see."

They stayed like that for a long time.

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It was pretty difficult accepting he was going to leave. Surprisingly, Jean was going to enlist too, but he had told his mother he was going to join the Military Police, and not the Survey Corps like [Name].

When Jean knew where [Name] was going to join in the end, he almost had a heart attack. He couldn't believe something so idiotic, reckless. Was he insane? But, most importantly, didn't he care they were going to... separate if that happened? They wouldn't see each other again. Jean was mad, and even when he voiced his worries to his friend he didn't listen.

"But what are you thinking?! It's the survey corps!" He tried to reason.

"Yeah, I know it's the survey corps. That's why I will join them." He stated, not bothered by Jean's yelling. The taller boy only got railed up by such behavior— didn't he care?

"But you could die, do you know that?" He desperately tries to talk a sense to him, "many of them don't come back!"

"I know, Jean. But... that's what I have to do." [Name] knew he had to join them— after all, they found him outside these walls. His answer had to be out there, somewhere.

"What you have to do?" He snorted, "aren't you thinking about Beatrice?" About me?

"Jean, I will join the survey corps. It was decided since the beginning."

"You don't care about anyone, do you?!" Jean couldn't stop his anger— [Name] was cruel when he wanted, even if he didn't mind to. He sighs, passing his hand trough his hair exasperatedly, "whatever." He left without turning back, he was angry and felt betrayed. Jean knew if he stayed any longer he would say things he didn't mean and turn the situation worse,

[Name] frowned, clearly sad about how things turned out. His hand tried to reach Jean, who disappeared without even sparing a last glance at him. He felt something heavy on his chest, and the same static noise overcome his ears. He did something wrong— but this is what he wants, and he can't turn back from his decision. But why is he feeling so sad? Just as he lost Eren, Mikasa and Armin? Was it so important to Jean where he wanted to go? It was his life— not his'. Was he being cruel? Just thinking about begin mistaken caused another headache to appear.

  P̵̣̫̱̮̼̲͔̰͈͙̈́̈̎̏̈́͠ī̷̞̥͍̙̓̈́̊͘t̷̛͕̝̓͐̓̋̄͑̎͋̉̊̈́̚̚ĩ̶͚̲͙̞̮̺͓̟͖͙̯̊̽͜͝f̴̡̺̬̟̭͙͕̙͚̯̟̹̱̹̩͐̈́̄̈͂̈́̈́͊̎̾̊̓̒͘ȗ̸̝̜͔̍̎̚ͅl̸̛̥͈̘̆̽̎͊̊͂͑̎͜ͅ.̵̧̢̢̛̮̘̤̭̳͔̈͒͗͒̔̍̇̈́̂͝͝͠͝ͅ ̸̨̦͔͙̫̙͉̝̭̣̮̫̤̪̎́̈̊̂̈́̓̆̋͝͝ͅD̶̛͖̹̣̲̘̫̭͕͔̊͒̾̃͊̓̊̀͂͊̕͝͠ǒ̶̧̧̢͉̳͉͔̪̻̠̗̲̜̒̄̀͜ͅn̶̮̻̮͍͔͚̲̝̮̪̖͇̠͂͌̀͌͂'̷̢̨̥̖̟̘̟̖̗̪̜̌̈́̋̃ͅͅt̶͒͐͊̈́̄̐̉̓͋̽̊̓͜͠ ̸̼͉̘͚̈́͛l̵̨͕͓̂͗̓̾̑̈́͠͠ͅị̷̛̭̹̺̂̌̇̊̐̀̍̎̂̋̔͘͠ş̶͕͔͈͎̻͖̪̀̏͊̌ţ̶̢̜͔̪̱͍͈̞̭̯͎͑̐͌͊̾͜͝ȩ̴̛̥̺̄̿̀͐͑͒̓̈́̋̄͋n̸̨̠͐̔͋͗̿͒͐ ̸̠͇̻͕̗͎̇̂̌̐̒̈́̕͝͝t̶͔̤̮͆͊̃͝o̵̡̪̦̙̲͆̈̂̑͜ͅ ̶̼̙̤͆͌͠ą̶̛͍͚̦͇͓̥̯̟͑̿̐̇̈́̈́̔̌̊ͅn̴̢̩̺̪̂̒̆͛̄̇̂ŷ̴̢̡̢̛̳͕̹̝̲̖̻̇͗͒͐̓͗̒͌̚ͅǫ̴̮͈̤̖͆̈́͑̃͆̾̌̿̐́͋̊͠n̴̠̬̫̪͐̈͑̇͌̅̎̓̑ȇ̶̡͇́̆̈́.̷̢̣̩̖̫͖͕̊͌̓̍͛̈́̌̂̓͘

But he's my friend...

Jean stopped talking with [Name] after that. The amnesiac teenager never felt so much sadness before— after all, Jean was his close friend. Beatrice could only guess what happened between them, and she couldn't possibly blame Jean. Seeing how [Name] stayed in his room all day made her worried— the boy was always under his blankets, and when he came down to eat, he was wrapped around his blankets still. Even if he looked so adorable like that, Beatrice couldn't feel happy when his expression screamed absolute sadness. She knew the best was for the two to talk it out, but seeing Jean nor [Name] tried to fix this, she decided to do a small step— talk to Jean. She have talked to [Name], but the boy didn't even wanted to leave to room.

When Beatrice talked to Lydia, the woman had realized something was wrong the moment her son returned so angry. He had come straight to his room and closed the door with such force that it was heard everywhere in the house. But he didn't shut himself in his room too much, thankfully.

When Jean came downstairs and saw Beatrice, he frowned and clenched his jaw. The woman could see his distress and maybe embarrassment— maybe he thought she would lecture him or something.

"Hello Jean," Beatrice smiled, hearing a small 'hi' from the boy as he sat down with her, "I know you know why I'm here for, right? But don't worry, I'm not mad at you."

Jean didn't spoke, rather, he looked down as he crossed his arms.

"[Name] is sorry about what happened— it's not that he doesn't care, it's more that... he really wants to know what's outside. He cares a lot about you, you know? But you know how he is with his feelings."

The boy doesn't talk. Rather, he sighs heavily, trying to think. If [Name] was just a neighbor he barely knew, he couldn't care less, but he wasn't. It was his friend, the person he liked— his life. Why he couldn't just stay with him?

"It's stupid," Jean said, "joining the survey corps? Is he insane?"

She chuckled, "I know. But you can't trap a bird forever, Jean. It will eventually fly away when they see the opportunity— that's how [Name] is. He has his mind set, and he will not change any time soon, even if the world tells him otherwise."

"Aren't you... angry?" Jean asked, frowning. Was she okay with the fact [Name] was going to join the survey corps? And possibly die?

She smiled sadly, looking down, "Not angry... just sad," she looks at Jean, "you can't decide or force someone to decide what to do with their life, can you? Just look at it in reverse— if [Name] tried to reason with you to join the branch you don't want to be, would you? After your mind is set?"

He fell into silence. But it was different, right? The Military Police was safe. The Survey Corps wasn't— both of them could live together, even. Nevertheless, imagining [Name] bugging him to join together would only irritate him. Averting Beatrice's gaze, he crossed his arms in defeat,

"I can't make him, can I?"

"Not even me." She smiles, but not a happy one. It's empty, and Jean can see trough it, "oh, and also..." She laughs, "you should do something with these feelings of yours."

The teenager's face becomes red at hearing the call out— he frowns, trying to ignore his blush. "W-What feelings?! I'm mad at him! Not- Not in..."

"Love?" She chuckles, "just remember one day you two won't be together. Time doesn't wait, so be fast."

He groans, rubbing his neck. Beatrice claps, widening her eyes with a devilish grin.

"And also! Who knows who will take interest of him! My boy has become reaaaally handsome, Jean. I'll say act fast!"

"M-Miss Beatrice!"

"I'm just saying, dear!"

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The amnesiac boy was miserable. Jean didn't want to talk to him, and [Name] didn't insist after that. If he didn't want to talk, then that was fine. But [Name] couldn't stop feeling so... sad. If it was Eren who fought with, his younger self wouldn't have cared as much as he did now. Since when did he change? Well, maybe it wasn't if he changed or not— he liked Jean. He enjoyed being with him and he helped him with his headaches, and more importantly, his voice wasn't annoying. [Name] grunted, hiding his face under the blankets.

[Name] didn't answer when he heard a knock on his door— he didn’t even paid attention of who the footsteps belonged to. Not until the person spoke, recognizing Jean.

”[Name]? Are you there?”

Jean? [Name] turned at the door, still wrapped around his blankets. He blinked,

"[Name]...?"

The amnesiac boy quietly got up from his bed, slightly opening the door just a little gap, his tired eyes prying outside the room to see Jean. The other jumped in surprise by the squeak the door made, along with seeing the unusual dull eyes looking at him.

"Can I... come in?" He gulped as [Name] fully opened the door for him to enter, closing it after. The amnesiac boy sit down on his bed, still covered in blankets. Honestly, Jean thought he looked adorable like this— but that wasn't important right now!

There was silence. Surprisingly, [Name] was the one who spoke first.

"I don't want you to be mad at me..." He looked down, playing with his fingers. His plain expression was the same, but his tone of voice changed. It was like a hurting child.

Jean sighed heavily, rubbing his neck. He didn't like being mad with him either— but he was justified, wasn't he? Maybe not but... he didn't like the idea of joining the survey corps one a bit. He wouldn't, that wasn't for him at all.

"Me neither," He sat down besides [Name], who didn't look at him still. "It's just... I don't want you to... die."

"I won't." He looked at Jean with a different expression he couldn't pin point, "I promise."

"Yeah yeah..." He didn't believe it— but knew [Name] was strong. Even if he still didn't accept hat he wanted to do, maybe, just maybe he could change his decision in the future, right? "I'm not mad, okay?" He looked at him with a clear frown in his face. Jean wasn't happy, neither angry— just... sad about not getting his way this time.

Silently, [Name] wrapped him around his blankets too, sharing them. "Joining branches will take time, so let's enjoy our time together." The corner of his mouth slightly raised, taking Jean's hand. He blushed clearly— how couldn't he? "Let's lay down."

Obeying, the two boys laid together on the bed, looking at each other. Jean averted looking at [Name] with a blush, while the other looked thoughtful. Can he hear my heartbeat??? Fuckfuckfuck—

"I haven't told you the reason why I want to join." That gained Jean's interest, forgetting about his little problem, "but don't tell anyone, alright?"

Then, he explained his first memory, who and how they found him and how he met Beatrice. Seeing it like this Jean understood, but wasn't he scared after seeing the titans? He never understood how the titans didn't scare him off when they took over Shinganshina— he admired him in secret, but he wouldn't say that out loud. Even so, it interested him where [Name] was from— that was why his eyes were different from everyone's? But outside the walls... that was impossible. No one lived outside— only titans.

"So that's why you want to go..." He closed his eyes, blushing, "just because I stopped being mad doesn't mean I still like the idea, o-okay?!"

The sound provided from the amnesiac boy surprised him— [Name] was chuckling. It was the first time hearing him like this. After all, him reacting like this was something rare. "Okay," he answered as he closed his eyes, "let's sleep."

Jean looked at [Name], still blushing. He was so... handsome but pretty at the same time. He looked so peaceful and gentle like this. Jean would never ever in his life would say that he always watched the boy in secret when they shared the bed together when they were younger, along with many secrets and memories he will hold everyday. He didn't want him to go someday— the thought only made him angry. This wasn't fair.

"And also! Who knows who will take interest of him!"

Remembering Beatrice's words made him almost grunt, covering his face. He wouldn't allow that! ...Would he?

  B̵̡̨̹̰̝̙̱͎͖̙̙̯͖̬̿̿̀̀̎̊͌͝ḙ̵̡͓͕̙͙̳͚̬̠͐͐̓̌̉̒͘͝͝ì̸̧̟̝̟̥̠̺̦̫̯͈͗̌̈́̒͂͑͆̄̈́̀̓͜͠n̴̨̡̪̗̜̮͇̳̮̟̼̗͇͒̋̊ͅͅg̴̥͇̼̹̮̻̼̬͉̺̲̝͐͊̏͋͑͜ ̵̢̺͑̃̈́̈́̈́͆̅͂̚̚̚ẅ̶̻̲͕͚͖̕ͅį̶̯͓͆͌̕͜͝t̷̜͉͎̫̘̝̠̣̰̲͕̫͓́̎͂̎h̷̺̼͕͔̹̪̮̜͚̯͐̎̉̎͐̇̽͒̃͝ͅ ̴͔̲̻̺̙̉̀̅̃̿̊͒̋̎̓͆̚̚̚ơ̸͎̜̜̣͊̔̂͊̉̌́͆͆̑̓͗t̶̘͇̟̦̩̞̰͉̱̰̖̜̱͕̐̆͋̒̈́͆͋͝͠͠͝ͅh̴͚͐͊̊̌̇ͅͅȩ̸̳̤̪̖̹͈̥͔̩̠̥̅̄̔̅̈́͋̓̒̚͝͝r̸͖͙̖͓̆s̴̨͙͔̦͙̃͑̅̈́͒̏̇͆̈́̾͊͝ ̸͓̹̫͇̺̭͉̙͗͜ȏ̵̺̘̱̮̜̟̗ņ̴̛̳̖̮̝̒̈́͋̽̌̅͊͊̚͝͠͠͝ͅl̵͍̻̜̖͑̋̿̃̈́͝ͅy̷̢͎͉͙̖͔͍̜͉͓̩̣̼̅̏͘ ̸̨̧̳̱̆̽̉̐͝w̴̧͚̗͎͍̳̣͇̣͍͍̜̣̔̒̅ǐ̷̤̦̰̫̱̃͌̈ͅl̷̡͚̰͔̼̩̦͖̬̼͍͖͗̒̐͝l̶̡̙̳͖̘̤͋̑̈́̈́̅̓̈́́̄̃̋͠ ̶̬̻͉͉̞̞͙̝̺͖̂ͅc̷̢̣͙̝̞̻̬͔͙̕ǎ̶̡̘̝̥̳̪̮͔̫̒́̆̈̀̐̏̑̕͝͠u̸͓͛̈́̌̑̐̅̒̆̿͆̋s̷̗̙̙̩̰̮̤̤̼̥̪͓̝̰̎̍̒̿͆̏͆̓̍̚͝ͅe̸͖͈̺͓̪̽͌ ̴̛͖̲͓̟̳͍̤̍͌̅̔̒̽̍̽͘̚h̵̢̡͚̺̩̻̉͂̓ī̴͔͇̙̝̓̓̿̐͗̈́̒͝m̴̥̘̱̦͚̹̱̳̻͂̂͗̏̾͌̑̿̆̂̃̄́̅͜ ̸̢̨̢̛̼͎͈̫̲̗̬̺̞̞̅̍͑̈́̍̚ͅš̴̨̝̻͙̘͇̞̠͕̠͎̫̐̈́̌͘͠͝͠͠u̷͚̝̗̜͉͔̪̙̣̪͓̦̝̲͗̐́̿̈́͋́͠f̸̢͙͈̲̘̙͈̱̈̾͒̊̕f̶̧͖̬̻͖͙̥̫̆̾͆́͒̀́̽̀̇̇̾ͅḙ̷̢̡͍͕̟͉͓̮̲̰͕̙͓̋̂̆͠ŗ̷̛̬͓̼̲͍̻̰̥̜̙̺̓̂̇͑̆̄̕͘͝͝͠į̴̜̬̹̥̘͚̘͉̲͎̜̆̈́͑̓n̷̥̏g̷̻̳̯̞̬͚̘̯̿̿.̴̧̹͖̱͔̙͙̳̣̾̂̕ͅ

L̴͚̗̄̂͐̏͐̆̓̕ĕ̶̡̤̳̠̹̪̹̰͔͕̑̏͌̈́ͅt̵̢̳͓͈̃̏̈́͗͗̌̈̄̀̓̄̆ ̶̭̹̦͕̞͈̲̙̙̺̈́̓̋͌̒̎̂̅̀̚̕͝͠ͅţ̴̧̡̱̥̲̥̗̲̮͇̜̬̙̳̈̏̍̾͋̽̎̆̈́̋̎̐̕͝ẖ̸̡̛̳̙̞̪̫̫̮̺͇̳͇͔̞͌̾͑̍̒̚̚͘͝͝e̸̼͐̈͋̑̀̅͐͆̓̕͠ ̶̨͖̯͇͖͓͍͓̩̍̌͂̅̈́b̷̢͈́͂͒̂̍̂̈́̍̎̏̉͊͆͘ơ̷͈̼̝̩̰̭̥̻̩̿̿̒́͜y̶̭̽̈́̈́͊̈̆͠ ̵͙̜̻́̇̆̓̑̌͊̾̌͛̎̑́͠b̷̧̥͍͍̞̍̑ę̴̧̯̗̩̥̭̰͕̓̃́̍͂̄͋̓̐̄̌͛̃̕͜.̴̧̬̫͚͔̭̝͉́̓͌̑̂̉̈̊͠ ̸̨̡̨̛̬̳̺̪̪͇͐͛́̑̾̈́̽̓͗̒̈́̚͝͠ͅY̶̜̪̟̳͍͖̥̼̭͉̭̼͐́̂̓̑̎́̇̋̕͜͝ͅớ̷̠̮̬̲̒̍̎͑̑͐̕u̶̢̢̮̺͓̘͈̠̟̰̱̞̥̣̓ͅ ̶͉̠̲̣̖͊̍̾̀̅̋̏͜k̵͈͂̒̋̃̽͊̈́̽̈́͆͂n̸̛̜̠͉̳̤̥̟̘̟̬̻͕͇͆̍̊̑͋̈̾̄̉̀͊͘̚͜ͅo̸̡̮̗͇̺̦̺͚̱̠̞͓̭̓̐̕ͅŵ̸͙̉̉̈́̑̎̌̓͊̅̿̒͝ ̶̡̟͍͙̜̽̅͑͌̑͜͜͝͝w̸̡̩͈̩̹̤̙̝̒̑̾̂̌̎̚͠h̷̺̜̖̒̈́̓͝ă̶̜̥̖̘͔̹͐͐̓̈́̀̅̊̐̌̈̍̀͘͝t̵̗̥̲̚ ̷̨̩͗̍̈̈́́̈́͑̓̋̈̕͝ẉ̸̛̽͆̎͗̉͌̂̓̈́̃̿̋̍͜͝ĩ̴̛̛͍̺̣̲͍͋̀̀́͊̍͝͝l̷̛̠͚̰̊́̉̒̏͐̓̐͘̕̕l̸̬͍̤̠͓̠̬̃ ̷͍̥̭͉͉͍̞͔͎̯̺͎̑̾͌̾̈́h̶̨̢͖̯̫̮̭͑͜ẩ̷̰̩͙̰̲̳̹͗̊̑̈́̂͝͝p̴̡̡̛͇͎̮̟͍̥̯̂̔͜͠p̷̫̤̝̗̣͎̃͋̉͑́̋̈̎̾͌͝ͅẽ̶̼̠̳̙̬̉͒̾͂̄̂̽̍̍̐̈͠͝n̸͚̲̤̹̘̥̼̉̅͗̏̔͆̈̕͘̕ͅ ̴̨̛̛̟̦̬̺̫̣̯͓̜͖͎͆̍͑̄͗̑̊͘͝ļ̸̣̫̖̫̘̎̈́͋͌̿̽̊͑̚͠ả̷̩̣̮̫̐͊̽͊̃͠t̷̺̣̘͋e̶̙͓̯̜̭̗̥͉̫̎͛̆̀̓͊̚͜͜͝ͅr̴̩͔̗̔͛.̸̧̖̤̰̱̻͓̂͊

  [Name]'s whimpers took his attention. The amnesiac boy was frowning, and Jean knew exactly what was happening.

"Your head again?" He unconsciously placed his hand on [Name]'s forehead, worried. The touch somehow calmed him a little.

"I tried to remember— bad choice." He sighed, hiding his face onto Jean's chest, making the teenager blush completely again. He knew [Name] could hear his heartbeat— calm yourself! Clenching his jaw, he hugged the boy closer, looking at the side in shyness. He had to enjoyed while it lasted— soon they will be in the military, and doing things like this in front of everyone would be embarrassing, wouldn't be? He only wished time didn't go as fast.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

This was the day.

[Name] packed his stuff with the help of his mother, she doing most of the talking. She didn't want to cry, so the best she could so was to keep her mind occupied in talking and helping.

"You are such a handsome boy now, I can't believe it..." She sighed, "You are getting taller too..."

"Do you think so? Jean is still taller than me."

"He had grow up so much too... And to think it has been only two years." She laughed, "I can't wait to see how the military has shaped you."

They finish quickly, after all it isn't much. They leave the house, stopping at the entrance. There's silence— both of them see the path where everyone is going. After all, today was the day to enlist, and many teenagers were already leaving their homes. [Name] turns to see Beatrice, who is deep in thought.

She sighs, "you can come back if you can't take it, alright? No one will think less of you!" She takes him and kisses him all over, receiving a chuckle from [Name].

"Okay, mom."

"Don't forget to visit! I will sent you letters, okay? If I can I will sent you some cookies too!" She kisses him, "do your best, and make a lot of friends, please? When you come back in your free time, come with your friends! A lot of food will await you."

With a last hug and more kisses, [Name] leaves. When Beatrice can't see him anymore, tears fall from her face as she tries to hold her sobs. She wipes them, but the tears won't stop from falling. She's horribly sad and broken, but she knows this is the right choice for him. After all, he belongs somewhere else.

"Please come back safe..."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

"There you are," Jean says, already waiting for him in their usual spot. They agreed to go together, as always, "thought you changed your mind."

[Name] let his tongue out, making Jean snort. "Never." They return on their walk, following the others teenagers to their new future.

I hope... they are there.

T̵̨̨̛̠̤͇̩̩͈̤̪͖̮̜̜̼̣̳̟̝̫͒͒͂̽͛̒͑̍̇̒͆̚͝h̶̩̜̳͔͍̱̳̺͍̲̩͔̥̠͍͚͈̑̃̐̾̇́̓͐͑̔̚͝e̶̫̭̬̩̰̝̬͎̰̿͋̓̒̅̉̉̎͗̕͜y̵̨̢̲͓͇͓͔͓͐̽̃͆̿̓̕͘ ̶̛̣̗̪̙͒̑̊͂̈́͒̏̔ẅ̷̢̧̨̛̬̗̮̳̣̙͉̟̫̣̬̮̲̲̬͔̑̓̒̉̾͠ḭ̵̬̲͉̱̲͕̱͕̞͉̯͎̯̘̤̙̠̻̽̽͋̀͑̓̂̍͆̉̽͐̍͑̋ͅl̸̢̡̧̬̟̞̻̩͈͓̙̙̻̺̲̭̤̦̼͉̖̩̻̩̣̓͗̐̊̓ͅļ̵̧̢̢͖̼̤̲̩̙̥̖̘̜̭̗̫̗̮͓͔̗̦̗͖̱̎̃̇̈́̊͋͑͌̓̀̐̀̏̔͋͋͋ͅ.̷͎̖̲̈́̋̑̈́̅̈́͆̈̓͛̾̐͊͋̐̓̌̈́̔͑̔̑̔̽

and i fell into the same pit of writer’s block and disappointment (:

i blame animal crossing for a part of my uninspired ass

e m p t y / 10

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter ten — first day

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

Standing with everyone else, looking straight without a hint of emotion. This was their first day as a soldier.

[Name] had matured— his eyes were gentle, but with the horror seen by them made them harder. His cheeks blushed a little by the sun— it was a hot day after all. And with the uniform on... ugh... He felt already soaked inside the jacket.

He could hear the yells from the instructor, shouting at some kid far away from his line. Even if he was far away, it seemed he was just besides him. [Name] bet the man could be heard to Wall Sina.

Deep in his thoughts, he didn't catch a certain pair of eyes looking at him curiously. But thanks to his instincts, he feel it, quickly making him look for them. He traveled his unusual eyes trough the line in front of him who were facing him, and finally, [Name] spotted a very tall guy with hazel eyes looking at him. But just when he meet his eyes, he blushed and averted his dull gaze.

"He is very tall..." [Name] thought, admiring his height. He thought maybe he was the tallest soldier around here. The teenager could tell he knew [Name] was watching him, because he began to sweat. Is the sun or is it me?

Hearing the instructor coming near, [Name] quickly looked straight. The man just walked by, until he saw [Name]'s form and began to shout at him immediately without mercy.

"You! Who the hell are you and from where?!"

Saluting, he shouted, "[Name] Knight, sir! From Shinganshina, sir!"

The tall man blinks when he takes a good look at the unusual eyes— and he remembers who he is instantly. He was the kid from the outside... He remembers that last name too well. A Knight, uh?

"And why the hell are you here, you maggot?!"

Without thinking much of it, a natural response left his lips, like an automatic reply or as if someone replied for him, "To free us, sir!"

"We'll see what a good for nothing like you would do against a titan, maggot!" He yelled, leaving him to go for another cadet. [Name] sighed, relieved he was gone. He wasn't a fan of being yelled or having to raise his voice.

" e —— ???? xxxx free!"

A migraine began to take effect on him, making a frown shift his gentle features. Not now, just wait a little more— it's almost over. But the headache didn't listen to the poor boy, and just began to hurt with more force. He gritted your teeth, bearing the pain. The sun didn't help his situation at all, too.

Thanks to the pain, [Name]'s mind was occupied on calming himself, making him lost any attention to other's peoples names or where the intimidating man was, and certainly, he didn't feel a pair of green eyes looking at him with surprise. When the headaches happened he ignored everything around him, specially when the pain was high. He didn't even noticed his friend getting head-butted by the instructor.

Somehow, [Name] noticed 'presentation time' was over by seeing all of the cadets walking off. Just, how much time has passed? Wait— where did he have to go?

Placing a hand on his head to control his headache, —that somehow worked— he heard someone approaching, making him turn just to see his friend Jean. He was frowning at him— was he worried?

"[Name]... again with the headaches?" He asked, gently placing a hand on his head, relieving a little pain feeling his warm hand, "maybe there will—"

Before he could finish, a new male voice interrupted him, along with three people quickly approaching both of them, "[Name]!!"

[Name]'s eyes immediately widened, "that voice..." Turning behind him, he meet with the determinated eyes he have always admired. They are alive!

Forgetting about the pain, [Name] tried to say something. But before any of the two of them could react, the brunette with green eyes have tightly hugged [Name], making both of them fall on the ground. But the amnesiac teenager couldn't feel any pain when he was overjoyed and happy— his friends were safe.

"[Name], we thought you were..." A gently voice could be heard, knowing very well who belonged it to. [Name] looks at the blond with soft blue eyes, who looks he's going to cry. "We didn't see you anywhere!"

The black haired girl makes Eren to stand by his disappointment, and quickly helps [Name] stand along. "We look for you when we could, but we never found you..." She says, looking at him as if she didn't believe he was there.. Her eyes looks gentle and soft, and a small smile appear on her delicate lips.

"Where the hell were you!?" The brunette angrily asked, surprising everyone by his outburst, "you didn't look for us, did you!?" Eren spoke with a different tone— he was upset. Mikasa and Armin looked at him in worry: the brunette always got mad when he thought about [Name] back then.

"I—I left as fast as I could with mom and... we got with the refugees and..." [Name] spoke shyly, not expecting such angry behavior this soon, "we went to Trost... and I lived there..." The amnesiac boy didn't find the words to reply back— just as he found his friends he felt fragile, feeling emotions at once.

"Did you think about us when you left?" He frowned, looking at is side feeling hurt, "to think I was worried you were... dead, and after all you—!"

"Hey!" Jean, who was pretty silent with the reunion, shout, getting their attention, shoved [Name] behind him, "[Name] saved his mom's and his' life first! At what you are so angry about?!"

"Aah?! And who the hell are you?!" Eren clenched his fists, not liking one a bit how easy he touched [Name]. This coward is [Name]'s friend?!

"None of your business, dumbass! But I won't stand here and hear your nonsense against him!" Jean could get protective over [Name], even if it wasn't that necessary. But seeing how this idiot wanted to make all of what happened his fault, that wasn't going to happen. He could see [Name] was troubled— he just reunited who the friends he thought were dead, but being pointed at while he was happy made him utterly upset.

"Eren!" Armin tried to calm him down, "[Name] is alive and with us again, aren't you happy?" Mikasa frowned, looking at Eren with concern. She could notice her brother had mixed feelings about finding [Name]— the ravenette knew his anger would disappear eventually, but he had to control it to not say hurtful things that could upset [Name]. But as Armin and she knew, he didn't think before speaking. Mikasa could notice [Name]'s frown from behind his friend— such a sad look that didn't belong.

Eren gritted his teeth, grunting. He knew he was being an idiot to make [Name] feel like this— but just as he saw him again... it made a mess with his feelings that he couldn't control well. At times like these it was better to walk off before hurting more. He gave one last pained look at [Name], "I— See you around, [Name]." He left, clearly mad. Armin gave one last tight hug to [Name] with Mikasa.

"Don't mind him, [Name]. He's happy to see you, you know? He's just... very sentimental as you know," Armin tried to laugh it off awkwardly.

"I guess... It's understandable," [Name] still had his sad look— he was really happy to see his friends again, but the feeling of guilt overcome his joy. Was it wrong to put his family first?

"I'm happy to see you again, [Name]." Mikasa gently spoke, smiling at him, "these past years had been difficult, but I'm glad you are alright with Miss Beatrice. We... we lost mom."

"And grandpa too..."

[Name] gulped. Carla, the pretty woman that always opened her doors for him, was gone too. Armin's grandpa was gone too. He couldn't understand how they were feeling after loosing their family like that. "W-What about Dr. Jäger...?"

She sighs, "we don't know," she looks at [Name] with a cryptic expression, "but seeing you here makes me glad you are safe."

"I'm glad I could see you again too," he attempted to smile, trying to make himself better. He hugged Mikasa and Armin, "I really missed you."

Armin laughed happily and Mikasa smiled warmly. Jean stood there awkwardly, frowning by what just happened before. The trio eventually finished the hug, pulling away. Both friends waved at [Name], saying they were going to unpack their things and find Eren. [Name] waved at them with a smile, feeling slightly better.

"You didn't tell me your friend was an idiot," Jean spoke, still angry.

"I didn't think he would be like that... but I guess he's still sentimental." [Name] sighs, rubbing his forehead, "at least my headache is gone."

Jean sighs heavily, already in a bad mood in the first day. Patting [Name]’s head, he spoke, “already the first day and I already hate someone.”

”Eren is not that bad. He’s just... reckless.” They began to walk to the dormitory.

“In other words, a dumbass.” [Name] chuckles, agreeing a little, "also, that girl is pretty..."

As they get into the dormitory, many of the people who were already there began to pick their beds. [Name] didn’t exactly care with who he had to share his bed with, but Jean certainly did. His friend hurriedly tried to find free shared beds, but he couldn't find any. Jean cursed mentally, grunting as he realized he wouldn't share a bed with [Name]. Could he be more unlucky today?

While Jean got angry in silence, [Name] already choose a free bed and began to unpack his stuff. Yawning, the boy couldn't wait to sleep already.

"Hey! Looks like we are sharing!" A freckled boy spoke to him, making him turn. He had dark hair and by just looking at his eyes there was no malice— only kindness. [Name] nodded, not knowing what else to say. Fortunately, the freckled male didn't back off, "I'm Marco Bodt, nice to meet you!"

"[Name] Knight. Nice to meet you, Marco."

Just as both unpacked their things Marco did most of the chatter. [Name] didn't mind him— his voice was soft and gentle. He liked hearing him, and the freckled didn't mind [Name]'s silence, so that was nice. It seemed he had notices [Name]'s unusual eyes too, but didn't say anything about them.

Jean's absence didn't last long. The irritated teenager found [Name], and as he saw his friend already being so comfortably with someone made him narrow his eyes in suspicion. He approached him, "[Name], you found a bed?"

Both of them turned. [Name] nodded, sitting on the bed as he stretched. "He's Marco."

"A-Ah! Hello!" Marco smiled, and Jean only stared at him with narrowed eyes. It was clear miles away this boy didn't mean harm— but why would Jean even care about that?

"Hi," Jean sighed heavily, rubbing his neck trying to calm himself, "I'm Jean."

"Uhm— what you said back there..." Marco spoke, not sure if to proceed but did nevertheless, "you were really honest."

"Hmn?" [Name]'s brow raised, "what happened?"

"You didn't see?" [Name] shook his head, noticing Jean's blush, "he got... well, he got head-butted by the instructor."

"He did?" [Name] couldn't hold his chuckle. Just imagining his friend being attacked by Shadis was funny, shame his migraine didn't let him see such show. "What did you say to get that?"

"It's not important anymore!" Jean yelled, clearly embarrassed, "anyways! We should change already— dinner will be in some hours so..."

"Oh, right! It's nice we don't have to do anything on our first day..."

[Name], already irritated by the tightness of his uniform, stood up from the bed and began to undress himself without any care.

Both boys noticed his actions, blush appearing on their faces immediately.

"H-Hey! [Name], what are you doing?!" Jean spoke trying to stop him, but only receiving a slap on his wrists.

"Undressing." He answered, unbuttoning his shirt.

Jean realized this was going to be until the end of their training— as the trainee corps had limited expenses, it was clear there was no "dressing room" or private showers. Every man and woman had to share and see each other without clothes, so their shyness had to go away forcefully.

Just the thought of seeing [Name] in the shower made him blush. Covering his mouth, Jean thought wasn't that bad after all...

Marco averted seeing [Name] taking his pants off, crimson appearing on his face. He tried to shake off the awkwardness of the situation, "w-well! W-Where are you two f-from?!"

Jean and Marco tried their best to hold a conversation without seeing [Name] changing without any care in the world. When he finished, the amnesiac teenager laid on the bed and told them to wake him up when it was time for dinner. Marco was surprised seeing him asleep in about five minutes, but Jean had explained [Name]'s favorite hobby was sleeping every time he could, so it was normal he fell asleep quickly. The freckled boy was rather impressed.

  From not too far away a brunette and a blonde saw everything with a blush on their faces.

"Idiot...!"

"W-Well! He really is the same, ah?"

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

"[Name], wake up. It's time."

The amnesiac boy grunted, frowning as he opened his eyes lazily, spotting Jean. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stretched and yawned. Jean knew when [Name] woke up, it would be five or even ten minutes of him being semi-awake, so he had to take care of him in a sense of procuring to watch over his steps, where he was going or stop him before he could hurt himself. It was pretty ridiculous how sleepy his friend could be, but it didn't make him less adorable.

"Is he really awake?" Marco asked, looking at how somnolent [Name] looked. Was he really that tired before?

"Nope, but he'll manage."

[Name] stood from the bed, staggering a little. He took Jean's hand, but the other, nervous and embarrassed of the comment he would get from the others guys slapped his hand away. The amnesiac boy stared at him in confusion for the sudden rejection— strange. Jean, blushing, already began to walk to the dining hall to hide his blushed face.

Why did I do that?! Clenching his fist, Jean was clearly feeling embarrassed— he knew since before getting here this would be a problem. It seemed his pride was more important. "L-Let's go already!" [Name] tilted his head, yawning. He followed Jean, with Marco behind.

The freckled boy didn't understand what just happened at first, and stayed in silence. He took care of where [Name] was stepping on— the teenager almost went to sleep again while walking and almost hit himself with a wall. Can he sleepwalk...? Marco hoped he didn't.

When they got to the dinning hall it was pretty full, but they were just in time. Marco, seeing that [Name] looked still sleepy, told him to wait on a table while Jean and him returned with food. He happily agreed, instantly sitting on the nearest table, placed his arms on it and rested his head on them. Was he looking for the right time to sleep again?

"Is it normal that he sleeps so much?" Marco asked, taking two pieces of bread, two plates of soup and water.

"Don't know normal, but usually. I think the most he has slept was three days."

"W-What?!"

"Yep. Sometimes is impossible to wake him up— normally his mom would take care of this, but as he is here..." He sighs, "that won't be any good."

"Three days..." Was that even possible? Wasn't Jean exaggerating? "How normally has that happened?"

"I didn't really take track of it. But I noticed when he got bad headaches, and I mean bad, he fell asleep for some days."

"Headaches...?"

The time they were in line Jean explained [Name] state until they finished and returned to their table. The teenager still remained asleep, until Jean shook his shoulder to wake him up.

"Eat before it gets cold— it already is, somehow." He sit in front of [Name], and Marco besides him.

[Name] rested his chin on the palm of his hand, lazily taking bites to the bread. His eyes spotted his childhood friend Eren being surrounded by other people. He waved to Mikasa and Armin, receiving a wave and a serene smile from the ravenette and a grin from the blonde. It seemed Eren had already stated he was from Shiganshina, because [Name] could hear plenty of questions about how the titans looked like.

Jean was listening, and Marco, who grew more curious about it went to Eren's table to listen with the others.

It seemed a question hit a nerve. [Name] could only see Eren covering his mouth as if he wanted to vomit— after all, what happened to him was traumatic. He lost his mother, and who knows where his father was.

Jean's eyes shifted from Eren to [Name] respectively, noticing the worried expression his friend carried.

Just hearing the brunette speaking about joining the survey corps like [Name] made him more irritated than he already was. Nevertheless, he didn't let it show and preferred having some fun. "Wait a moment, are you crazy? Did you just say you want to join the Survey Corps?"

The brunette frowned at him, even more when he saw [Name] in the same table with him, "what about it? You are the one who wants to join the Military Police to take it easy, aren't you?"

[Name] just watched in silence, wondering what exactly Jean wanted to do.

Jean smirked, "What can I say? I'm honest. I prefer being that than try to act tough when in reality you are scared shitless." The comment seemed to annoy Eren, seeing him stand up with a glare directed at Jean. The taller teenager didn't seem bothered in the slightest— he stood up too and both teenagers approached each other. But whatever they wanted to do was interrupted by the sound of the bell, signalizing dinner time was over.

The taller male just smiled unbothered, "well, my bad. It wasn't trying to judge the way you think," he held his hand in a weak and fake attempt to release the tension, "let's let it go."

"Yeah... I guess I overreacted," It was clear to [Name] that Eren didn't accept the fake apology, seeing him just slapping Jean's hand. He seemed to leave, but before he did he looked at [Name] as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't. Clenching his jaw, he averted [Name]'s prying gaze and left with a frown.

Would he be angry with me forever? [Name] stared at the table, upset. Mikasa and Armin weren't angry with him—and even if they told him Eren's anger wouldn't last that long he didn't fully believe them. Maybe he should speak to him... but how?

It seemed the time he had with Jean these two years had made him more sensitive about friendship, in some way. After all, he did felt some guilt about what happened. But what he could have done? He was just a kid.

"You okay?" Marco's gentle voice is heard, looking at his friend in worry.

"Yeah. I'm just... sleepy," he rubbed his eyes, "where's Jean?"

"Outside... I think someone's with him." He looked at the door, seeing Jean talking to a short guy.

[Name] didn't feel too lively now, and the only thing he thought about was laying in bed. He guessed he had to get up early in the morning tomorrow. Standing up, he took the last bite on his bread, not feeling hungry anymore. "I want to sleep already... I'm heading back."

"A-Ah, I'm going with you!"

Just as he wanted to leave, he bumped onto someone else, instantly hearing a shaky apology. [Name] blinked, lifting his gaze to meet someone incredibly taller than him.

It looked like the taller guy recognized him from somewhere, seeing his widening eyes.

[Name] knew those eyes.

"Ah— you are the one with pretty eyes from back then. And the one from when Shadis was yelling at us..." He spoke with his dull voice, not noticing some questioning gazes he got for the compliment. The brunette blushed, stuttering. "You are taller."

"You know him?" Marco asked, looking at both of them with prying eyes.

"Yes. We met in the refugee." He looks at him, "I never got your name."

"Uhm, B-Bertholt!" He seemed shy.

"Nice to meet you." He smiled, tilting his head.

"Bertholt! We—" A more deep voice came trough, but stopped when he saw company. It was a blonde and buffed guy— [Name] remembered him too. Seemed he did too, because his expression was the same as the brunette's, "Y-You are from back then!"

"There was someone else with you, wasn't it? Is she here too?"

"A-Ah, well, yes. She's around." The blonde smiles, "nice to see you again. I'm Reiner, by the way."

They both were going to the dormitory too, so Marco and [Name] stick with them. When they saw Jean outside they invited him to head back with them, but he had told them he was going to stay a little longer outside.

The four teenagers began to head back, and as expected, Reiner and Marco did the most of the talking, while Bertolt and [Name] quietly stayed in the back. The amnesiac boy looked carefully at the brunette, as if he was inspecting him. That only made Bertolt nervous.

He took Bertolt's hand, surprising the brunette. [Name] let out some hums and ah's, "you are huge. How did you get so tall...?" He compared his hand with the other's, looking at the difference while the brunette's face went red by the touch.

"U-Uhm, thanks...?" He said unsure— was that a compliment...?

"Tell me your secrets." Sparks appeared in [Name]'s eyes as he tightly hold Bertolt's hand. The brunette began to sweat, feeling shy and awkward by the touch.

"Uhm... Reiner..."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

Just as they got to their destination, [Name] wasted no time in throwing himself on the bed. Laying on his stomach, the pillow where he pressed his face on made his voice get muffled, "good night" he tried to say, ignoring any sort of conversation somebody wanted to have with him.

The three teenagers just saw him. He really was either lazy or just uninterested about everything.

"He sure likes to sleep a lot..." The freckled boy said, impressed. He knew it would be a pain to wake him up in the morning tomorrow.

The blonde laughed, "let's see who wakes up first— [Name] or Bertolt? Looks like you two have something in common." The comment received a grunt from his friend.

The three spoke a little bit before going to sleep, even when Jean got back. He wasn't surprised seeing his friend already asleep, and remembering he wasn't sharing bed with him made him grumpy before going to bed. Unluckily, his past thoughts about how handling [Name]'s touchy behavior made him pretty awake all night. Was it really a problem? Did he really pay attention of what others think about their relationship? Well, if they thought they were in one it was even better, wouldn't be? Even more if that jackass Jaeger knew about it. Just remembering the looks he gave them made him snicker. Unfortunately, that wouldn't matter if [Name] himself didn't feel anything romantically for him.

Fucking hell. Can this be more complicated?!

        L̸͔͇̰̬̆͜ơ̵̝̰̓̋̎̓̋̾̇͘o̸͔͖̯̟͍̓͛̍̔̿͘͝͝͠k̷̨͎͖͎͍̞͗̊͑͆̃̐͗̏͛́s̸͙͆̿͒̾͐͝ ̵͍̄͋̈́̒͝ͅl̸̨̉͗̒̿̀̌̃̈́̍̐͘̚̚͝i̴͖̮̼͓̤̼̼̬͚̥̥͉͈̬͛̒͗̚͠k̵̡̢̮̺̠̊͂͠ͅͅe̵̡̖̲̼̺̝̘͔̖̖̞͙̽̉͒̍̂̓̈́̄̽̍͆͠͝͠ ̷̡̭̟̼̭̙̠̙̮̹̞̈͗̾̈́͝͠ẅ̵̛̛̲̲̬͎̘̭̜̲̬͔̞́̎̐̒̋͌̈́̀͛̇͑̄ͅͅę̴̛̝̯͇̼̹͛̚ ̸̛̗̏̽̆̀̋̀̎̽̐̐̚̕͘͠a̴̡͔͔̱͖̤̦̣̺̫̠͑̈́̀ͅŗ̸̲̝̣̹̻̺͖̲̠̿̾̈̂̓ͅe̵̲͙̭̺̥̝͔̹̣̮̤̱͇̽̂̇̔̑̂͑͑̇̏͛͝͝ ̸̲̫̎͂̄̏̀͐̋͐̽͑̕͘͝r̷͇̞̣͍̱̳̗̳̱̞̗̉́̎̋̈̓̔͊̍̒͑e̸͖̥̠̭̰̩͂̓̋̉̌̄̋̂̑̓̈́̽͘u̵̧̧͎̹̱̜̥̫͓͕̞̓́̀̐̀̀̀͑͘̚n̶̝̗̟͠i̴̛͓̯̘̜̻͉̔͛t̴̨̧̗̬̯͖̺̀̃͂̒̃͂̃̍́̚͠͠ê̸̦͍̜̮͐d̷̨̨̓ͅ.̸͚̯̼̎́̈́̃̍͊̃̋͘ͅ

Flower Curse | 6

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

f i v e

Paperwork. That was the only thing saving you from insanity. And even if paperwork was an utterly nightmare before expeditions, you really didn't mind. There was nothing to do today but finish this work, and when you weren't doing something you drowned in your misery.

How where you going to lead your squad was an enigma right now. But you strongly refused to not go to the expedition and not be present with your squad. No way were you going to let them alone— you must protect them as always, and no curse was going to stop you from your duty as a soldier. No way in hell.

Nevertheless, your health was worse this morning. The first thing you did when you woke up was throwing up the flowers inside; and all of them were full, along with blood on them. This was one of the most hurtful times you vomited— the force was so brutal; as if the flowers were tearing your throat apart. You had a hard time to breathe normally; you had to take deep breaths because you felt something covering your lungs. Your skin was way paler now, your eyes were dull and they didn't look as sparkly as before. You were a little skinnier than yesterday, consequence of your appetite being gone— you couldn't eat the breakfast Hange give you this morning. The only thing you could eat were the cookies Ziegler gifted you.

Maybe these were your last days on earth. Who knows?

Passing your hand through your hair, you let out a heavy sigh, before mumbling to yourself, "I have to take this to Erwin..."

"Yo, Erwin," you opened the door without knocking, not that the blond minded anymore. "These are finished; maybe I will give you the rest in a couple of hours." Approaching him, you placed the papers on his desk, along with all of the pile of papers that were there.

"Good job, [Name]. I wish I could say the same about finishing." Erwin stated, rubbing his temples, "I still have to talk about the strategy with everyone."

"There's nothing you can't handle, eyebrows." You reassured, making him slightly smile, "anyways, where I'm going to be placed?"

The question made the blond frown. He couldn't grasp the idea of you going to the expedition in your current condition— were you really asking that absurd question? Didn’t you notice your worsened health? or were you playing dumb?

Erwin's demeanor changed completely— his relaxed composure changed into a tensed one; the smile from earlier disappeared, leaving a thin line instead. You unconsciously tensed as well, noticing the change of air.

There was a tensed silence, before Erwin spoke again, "What gives you the idea that you are coming?" He asked, looking straight at you with those piercing blue eyes.

Blinking surprised by the sudden change, you recompose yourself and replied, a bit angry, "What do you mean by that? Of course I'm coming!"

Hearing your reply made Erwin's eyes close. The blond really hoped you were going to accept your current condition and stay behind— but he knew that wasn't going to be possible. Your stubbornness was stronger than anything.

He knew this conversation wasn't going to end well— No matter how gently he said it, so he just choose the hard and simple way.

"You are not coming by any means, [Name]. Do I have to remain your current condition?"

You clenched your teeth, "I know very well I'm dying, but this fucking shit it's no excuse to leave my squad with someone else! I'm coming with or without your stupid permission!" You weren't talking right now, you were yelling. Your joking demeanor was completely gone; both of you were glaring at each other.

"You are not coming to the expedition and that's final." He firmly stated, looking straight at you. "Your health will only complicate everything, stop your stubbornness and be an adult."

"Fuck no! I'm coming and you are not stopping me!" You sounded like a child yelling for his toy— you wanted things to go your way, but that was impossible these days.

"I'm your superior and you will obey my orders," he stood up from his seat, making himself look taller than you, "do otherwise and you will be punished."

You hopelessly looked at him. This wasn't what you needed right now— you had to go, you always did! Leaving your squad with someone else wasn't going to happen, you had to be there with them. You were dying anyways, what was the difference?

"You— You can't do this!" you breathlessly pleaded, looking at him with a mix of anger and desperation.

"I just did, Squad Leader [Name]. You are forbidden to go." Even if the two of you were hurt by these words and how the situation turned into, Erwin knew this was the right thing to do. If there was anything 'right' anymore in this world.

You just desperately looked at his icy eyes for any sign of softness, gentleness. But you only were meeting with a cold gaze, so you just tightly swallowed, glaring at him before leaving and loudly slam the door, scaring everyone who was near the office. You ignored the stares and went straight to your office.

The blond only sighed and sat down once again. He rubbed his temples just like moments prior, and tirelessly mumbled to himself,

"What are we going to do..."

Currently you were beyond furious— how dared he forbid you to go?! How dare he talk to you like that! He just couldn't not give you permission to not do something, could he?!

Well, he is the commander, so...

No! He was you friend! Friends should understand each other and not treat each other like a kid, right?

He can if you are acting as one.

Y—You weren't! ...right? You just wanted to go to the expedition, with or without his permission...

Well, yeah, you were acting a little selfish. But! You just are worried for your squad; what was going to happen to them? Instantly, your thoughts were in a deep sea of horrifying futures— images about how everything could go to hell if you weren't there.

Nevertheless, a knock on your door made you snap out of it. Asking who they were, you were greeted by one of your nightmares.

"It's Petra! Can I come in?"

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" You were doing a good job at avoiding the two love-birds— Petra was busy with Levi, so Levi was with her. If we ignore the conflict of yesterday, you hardly talked to them.

And just like a dejavú, you wore your mask and smiled, ignoring the weird feeling on your stomach.

"Petra! Of course, come in!"

The door opened, revealing pretty little Petra wearing a huge smile, a blush covering her cheeks. "[Name]! It’s been time! When was the last time we talked? I have a lot to say!"

"Well, when I spit flowers because of you of course I'm going to avoid you." you grimly thought, showing your fake smile and laugh. "It's been ages, right? As you can see, I'm a little busy right now, so if you can come another time..." you tried to make her away, smiling.

You were repulsed by her. Before, only warm was felt when you talked to her, looked at her— but now you wanted her to be as far as possible from you. Looking at her gentle features only made you furious. The mask wasn't going to take too long to break, it seemed,

"Wait! I've to ask you something maybe important!" she exclaimed, not leaving her smile, "and maybe, you can help me out today..."

"Can't you fucking go away?" you thought. "Tell me, what is it, Petra? It's just all of this paperwork has to be done today." your eyebrow was twitching in annoyance, but your fake smile remained.

Her face lighten up, "Thank you, [Name]!" She approached you and sat down on the chair near your desk, "I want to gift something to Levi before the expedition, but I don't know what to gift... Can you give me ideas?"

You felt a dagger across your heart, along with something rising very slowly. Gritting your teeth, you barely hide your annoyance and reply, "I don't know, Petra... It's just that I'm—"

Petra interrupted you, grabbing both of your hands. Repulsing. "Please, [Name]! You know Levi, what if we go out and see the market together? Just for a moment!"

Stop touching me.

"But, Petra... the paperwork—"

Go away.

"Come on! Help me with Levi! I want to see one of his smiles..."

Leave.

"I'm not—"

Shut up.

"Yes! Let's go right now! Please, do this for me... maybe I can even hug him today..."

CRASH.

Do this for her? Was she fucking stupid? Weren't you dying for her? But of course— she didn't know what.

Something changed inside you. You were done playing games. If everyone had to take a hint to know what was happening to you, then you should reveal your true self once for all.

The mask you wore fell and broke.

Fuck this. Fuck her, fuck him, fuck everyone! Fury consumed your mind, leaving you with nothing but repulsion and anger, and you just gave in.

"Petra, get off of me."

The sudden change in your voice made her look at you in confusion. Your voice changed to a deep one— someone she didn't hear before.

Seeing as she couldn't take a simple order, you hardly took her arm with your free hand and forced her to leave your wrist free.

The woman looked surprised and hurt by the force on her arm, she just looked at you and tried to calm you down, "[Name], is something the matter?"

Yes, you fucking idiot. I want you to leave.

"I think you should leave." You 'gently' said to her, trying to control the anger clouding your mind like fog.

But of course, she couldn't take a simple hint to leave you alone. "No, [Name]— But we have time to go to the market..." Still with her goddamn gift.

"Alright, how can I say this so you can understand..." you rubbed your temples, "Leave."

"What? Come on, [Name], stop playing games! We are wasting time!"

"Are you fucking deaf, Petra?" you glared at her, making her blink in surprise. You have never been like this before, what got into you? And before she could say something, while you could see her didn't do shit, you shouted, "GET THE FUCK OUT! LEAVE!"

But still, she didn't do shit. She just stared at you in surprise; confused and taken aback. What happened to you? The sudden outburst made her stand in shock, not believing your actions to her.

When she didn't move at all when you yelled, you just followed your emotions. Your mind was clouded and you couldn't think properly— so you just fiercely grabbed her by the collar, opened the door and throw her in the hall, making her fall on the floor with a loud noise. Everyone who was in the hall saw it; how you glare daggers at her before slamming the door, scaring everyone by the loud noise. After everyone could understand the situation they just saw, some of them helped Petra to stand, while she still stared in disbelief.

Instantly, you threw up everything. Pink flowers stained with red. Was that… a root?

You were going to be in some deep shit soon.

You honestly thought this day wasn't going to end well. It began in a bad way, and it will end in worse way. So you just waited for your executioner to appear, not caring about the paperwork or the meal time.

You just waited, and so, the devil appeared.

The door opened with a loud noise, it appeared the ravenette forced himself in; seeing his leg up when the door fiercely opened. You weren't surprised at all by his actions— you were waiting for him, after all.

"What the fuck did you do this morning?" you heard him ask, feeling the murderous glare he was giving you.

Your nerves were crazy right now; you could feel an explosion of emotions inside you. If this wasn't the day you were going to die, then surely you would by tomorrow.

"Hey, shithead, I asked you something, and you better answer me." He demanded, slowly approaching your desk like a prey. "Nobody is going to interrupt now; eyebrows is not here, four eyes isn't. So you better fucking talk or I will make you talk."

Knowing him, you better should be talking by now— he didn't make empty promises to anybody, and you knew he was holding back a little. But you were making him impatient, and you believed his patience was running out. Nevertheless, the feelings you had for him were never going to be known by him. Or at least, that was what you foolishly thought.

"I think you know everything by now, Levi." You answered, not scared by his glare or words— you didn't have the strength. And, like you imagined, your answer only made him rile up, slamming his hands on your desk.

"I want to hear it coming out of your goddamn mouth, [Name]. Stop playing your foolish games and answer me!" He practically yelled, and you just looked at him, brows furrowed.

"What do you want me to say?!" You stood up and slammed your hands on the desk just like he did, and yelled, "That I threw Petra out of here because I wanted her to leave?! That I didn't want to hear any more of her talking?! That I don't want to see anybody of you?!"

Just like before, the mask lied on the floor, broken, shattered. There was no mask to wear on, and your true self revealed itself once again.

"What the hell has gotten into you?! Stop being a brat and explain why you hurt Petra!"

Whoever was walking through the hall or near the hall, could hear your yells. It did throw aback a few soldiers who were near; but they know better than interrupt your conflict. But some soldiers couldn't help but pry, and some of them were the newest cadets, Jaeger and Kirchstein, who were walking just by chance.

"You think it's because what happened this morning?" Eren quietly asked, looking at Jean with worry. The taller just frowned, hearing about the rumor going around about you throwing Ral out of your office.

"It may be, you know Petra is a member of Levi's Squad..." He answered, feeling uneasy. The yells were becoming louder by now, and he tried to believe the two of you wouldn't get physical.

"We should go." Eren stated, and Jean nodded. They left, leaving a last glance at your office.

Back to you, the name of her triggered something in your mind.

Petra, Petra, Petra, JUST PETRA. It's because of both of them you are like this! You should just grab your heart and destroy it— that would stop your feelings. That would work.

"Why do you care so much about this?! Why can't you just leave me alone and fuck off!"

"I care about you, you worthless shit! Doesn’t your head understand it?!"

"Stop saying that! What happens to me is none of you fucking business!"

"It is my business, idiot! Answer me already! Why are you like this!?"

He wants to know? Then he will. He will know he is killing you. He is.He isHeisHeisHeisH

eisHeisHeisHeisHeisHeisHeisHe

isHeisHeisHeisHeisH

eis

Something snapped, and you cried out.

"I love you, you piece of fucking shit!" you gasped for air, only to scream the confession again, "I fell in love with you!"

The truth was out.

The realization of what you just said hit you, and you covered your mouth immediately, eyes widened in disbelief.

Levi was as surprised as you were, seeing him with his eyes widened, not saying a word.

The room was filled with silence. Neither of you could say anything by the sudden confession— minutes prior you were yelling at each other, but now the office was quiet.

And just as you tried to fix the mess you just said, Levi quietly asked, "You... what?"

Gulping, you tried to lie— say anything but the truth. But your feelings were out now, he heard it. There was no option but to talk with the truth.

"I—I'm in love with you." You confessed, avoiding his gaze.

"Since when?"

You tightly swallowed, and replied, "Since the first time I saw you."

Maybe he didn’t know how to approach this situation; maybe he was trying to think a better way to tell you he didn’t feel the same way as you did. You talked first, interrupting any thoughts he was having.

“I know— I know you don’t feel the same.” You tried to think clearly, but it was impossible. “I know you love someone else, Levi. I know, so, I… I get it.”

“[Name], I…”

“Don’t talk, please.” Meeting his gaze again, you could recognize confusion, unsureness on his expression. He was lost. “It’s better this way.”

“How do you know that? How can you know what I want? You are—”

“Because you love Petra. I’m not blind." You noted his composure shifted; he was surprised by your statement. You just smiled with bitter, feeling heartbroken. The flowers wanted an exit, and you knew if he didn’t leave right now he would see them, and you didn’t want that at all.

There. Accept it. You are going to ——, so just accept your fate.

“What do you mean—“

“I’m not an idiot. I saw you holding hands— hugging each other! I know everything!” You were getting riled up, irritated by the situation. You wanted to be alone already— he knew the truth, so there was nothing else to say. “Leave already!”

“I’m not leaving until we—“

“LEAVE! I want you out!” you shouted, pushing him out of the room like a kid would. But like you expected, he wasn’t going to leave so easily. He stood himself with the door frame, while you still were pushing his back.

“Stop acting like a goddamn brat!” he yelled, trying to control the current situation, but was unable to do so with you yelling and pushing like a child. He wanted to fix everything— but somehow deep in him, he knew this relationship you had was broken already. Both of you did.

“No! I don’t want to talk no more! I’m telling you to leave!” Trying your best to hold the flowers, your hands were trembling, your face was flustered and you were clenching your teeth. He had to leave now.

“I’m telling you, you little shit—“

A soldier hurriedly came, and taken aback by the situation in front of him at first, he quickly recovered himself and said:

“Corporal! The commander is asking your presence right now!”

Levi was irritated, giving the poor soldier a glare everyone was terrified by. The man just gulped, and explained, “The commander wants you quickly, sir!”

“Can you tell him to fuck off? I’m busy right now.” The ravenette spit out, frowning at the unlucky soldier.

“Sir! He says it’s an important matter!”

“Fuck eyebrows, shit…” he muttered, before leaving his hands off the door frame and gave you a look, “You and I aren’t finished.” And then, he left with the unnamed soldier.

You quickly shut the door and throw up. Your body was trembling, and you had to hold yourself with the desk to bear the pain. The force was harder than hours prior, it felt as knifes were cutting your throat. Your eyes were cloudy— but you could see red on the pink flowers. And also, roots. It was like these awful things were blooming inside you— it was scary.

Finally, you could gasp for air once more. You just stared at the horizon, trying to catch your breath. You sat on the floor, with flowers all around you.

Your throat was sore; you were tired and unsure about the future.

Slowly, you tried to stand up, holding the desk for support. Sitting on you chair; you opened a drawer, revealing a little brown book.

Sighing, you said to yourself, “I think it’s time to read it.,, Right, Darla…?”

First page.

It was written pretty sloppy, like a child write.

Barry and I played on the garden of Clarence today. The woman gave us permission to play, so we did!

We made flower’s crowns, lied on the grass and watch the clouds go by. It was very peaceful!

I like Barry. I hope we can get married when we grow older!

Tomorrow I’m turning ten, and I’m super excited of what Barry will gift to me!!!!

You looked grimly at the page. You felt as you were intruding her secrets— but Barry gave this to you for a reason, right? Even so, the small feeling on your gut told you to stop reading the thoughts of this poor girl.

But you ignored it, and continued.

At the next page, Darla wrote Barry’s name with hearts around it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

♡♡♡♡Barry and Darla♡♡♡♡

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Flipping the page, you read about Barry gifted his favorite book, and Darla was happy about the gift.

The next pages were the same, thoughts about Barry and her love for him.

Strangely, after some pages the writing style changed to a very elegant one; you came to the conclusion Darla grew up and forgot about the journal, seeing the sudden change of writing.

I was foolish.

I thought we could be together. I was dumb and stupid for believing so.

He never loved me, and he will never do.

I saw Lisa and Barry kissing each other! They are lovers!

Nobody told me anything— I had to see it with my own eyes.

I ran to my house, what else could I do? Telling him I love him when he is with someone else? I can’t do that. I can’t.

The page ends there. You turn another one, just to see an erratic writing.

i’m scared

I’m throwing up flows

Why?

Mom said it’s a curse, that one a very ffwe peple have this

Why im so unlucky????? Hy did I do to desrve this?

Somebody, help me

Im scared

Please, I don’t want to die like this

The page had dark small spots— you believed it was from tears stained by the paper.

This was heartbreaking. You could feel her pain— you could understand it perfectly.

Another page. This time the writing was more collected.

I threw up a lot of flowers today.

They were white.

I’m scared.

I want my mother.

I need my mother.

Mom…

Next page.

Mother explained I have this curse because I love Barry, and he doesn’t love me back.

Something bloom inside my heart? Or something like that, I’m not sure.

How does she know that? She didn’t answer me.

I hate Barry now.

But I love him, too.

Hahahaha. What a fool.

HhhahahahaahahhahahahahhahahhahahhhhahahahhahahahahahhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Next page.

flowers again.

white

red

Next,

Why me?

Why?

Why me?

Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me? Whywhywhywhywhwywhywhwywhwywhywhwywhwyhwyw

Mother mom mommy…

Next.

I can’t leave the house.

Mom doesn’t allow it, and I don’t want to see Barry.

Stupid, dumb, idiot Barry.

Handsome, funny, Barry…

There’s no help for me.

Mother says a Doctor will come.

Next.

The doctor came, and said he wasn’t sure what was this.

I opened my mouth and he tried to see inside, and whatever he saw it made him scared.

The doctor and my mother talked outside, and I could hear the cries of my mother.

I’m going to die.

Im going to die

I ing o d

[Intangible]

D I n g

M o m

e lp m

s m b d y p e s e h e l p

[Intangible]

You gulped, and flipped the page.

The page made you uneasy, seeing how messy the handwriting was, and how everything was a mess.

IM GONNA DIE

M H E R

SOME B D Y

E L P

F L

O W R S

IN M

Y

L U N GS

C A NT B R

E T

MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMO

Next.

flowers very pretty

mom loves flowers

pretty little flowers

flowers little pretty

little flowrs orsfj

flowersfloweesaldkirwdfkwierskfiwrsfkiwrflowerslfowrsaskj

Next.

barry i miss you

please love me

Next,

little unlucky girl

who is the unluckiest of them all?

Hahahahaha

Its darla

Next.

my throat is hurt

i spit blood

its hard to breathe

Next.

[a drawing of a sunflower]

sunflowers are pretty

I hope I can throw up some

Hhahaha

Next.

I

C N T

B R A H

M OM M M Y

MOTHER

MOM

H L P E

L A SE

F LOWER S

H LP H U TS

[Blood stains]

Turning the page, you were meet with a blank page. You flipped it, trying to find another journal, but there was nothing. That was the last page she wrote.

You slowly closed the journal, leaving it in the drawer.

You just stared at nothing in particular— trying to shake the mortifying feeling. You were scared, scared of what would happen to you by tomorrow.

You weren’t scared— you were terrified,

You could feel something clogging your throat, making you unable to breathe properly. The feel was stronger after your talk with Levi.

Holding your head with both of your hands, you calmed yourself, not shading a tear. There were not tears left— it was enough.

No one came for you, and you didn’t look for anybody.

s e v e n

e m p t y | 3

You went to the checkup as promisedー but unfortunately, your name couldn't be remembered. Dr. Jaeger said it was understandable; he explained to both Beatrice and you that when someone as amnesia, it's unknown when your memories will come backー it can take days, years, or maybe never. It was the harsh truth, but he had to stop your reckless actions; trying to remember when it was clearly you couldn't was highly dangerous for your health. He could notice how much damage the headaches were doing to you, so he had to stop it as soon as possible, even if upsetting you was a possibility.

That left you with your empty emotions. You couldn't feel a thing— Beatrice worried about how often you hold your emotions deep inside you, but you just couldn't react. The motherly woman always tried to cheer you up, but no smile appeared. You weren't happy, that was for sure. Headaches often overcame you, even if you didn't try to remember anything. It was difficult, but with the herbs Dr. Grisha told you about, it was bearable.

Grisha told you that even if you couldn’t remember, that wasn’t a reason to make new memories.

You wondered what he meant by that... but soon understood.

++++++++++++++

You meet someone niceー a blond boy called Armin. He was kind, and helped you with your reading. You saw him being picked by the town's bullies, an annoying group of three kids.

They picked on you too, but you didn't do anything against them. They pushed you and laughed at you, and you just take it, not caring too much. Sometimes, you could see Eren watching you in the distance, while the three buffoons pushed you, making you fall on the ground. He just looked at you behind some house, maybe not realizing you noticed him. There was a day you crossed eyes with him— your eyes were dull and lifeless, and he just ran away.

You didn't like him.

But back with Armin, you remembered walking trough town for delivering some Beatrice's cookies, and you saw a blond kid being pushed between the three kids, and you could hear harsh words being throwing at him.

You couldn't explain it, but something deep inside you didn't like the situation at all— this was totally unfair.

You decided to take matters on your own hand.

Approaching them silently, they didn’t noticed you until you were behind one of the bullies, which he turned around to see you in confusion and sneer.

“Uh? Look what we have here! The freak!” He laughed, while the other too joined with him.

“What? You decided to join good-for-nothing Armin here? Because if—”

“Let him be.” You softly spoke, surprising the bullies for a mere second. It was slightly impressive — since you got here, you never talked back to them at all. Not even a whimper from their punches.

“Ohoho, the freak can talk? Let’s hear what he has to say with a punch in the gut!” The bully threw a punch at you, but you quickly dodged it without a problem. Seeing as their partner needed help, the other two bullies began to fight you too.

But you didn’t feel ‘you’ at that moment— it was familiar... as if the strength you had at that moment was from someone else’s.

Dodging every punch, you could see the bullies getting irritated and tired by their foolish fight. Without much thought, you could feel your body moving on it’s own— grabbing the bully by his forearm, you kicked the back of his feet and he roughly met the floor on his back.

The other two only stood there watching in fear. After all, how a small form as yours could knockout someone as big as him? You looked at them, and your lifeless eyes only made them feel a shock of fear. Approaching them slowly, they stood their ground and didn’t back off from the fight.

But just as you knocked the other out, they weren’t much of a problem either. Receiving punches and kicks, the bullies quickly carried their friend and ran away from you, with a look of fright on their bruised faces.

You only watched as they quickly left, sometimes falling and looking behind, only to see your scary eyes.

Worried about the kid, you turned to see him— he was on the ground, looking at you in amazement. His blue eyes were widened, and his mouth slightly gaped.

“Are you... alright?” You softly spoke, looking if he had any injuries, but it looked you were just in time before they got more physical.

The blond blinked a few times before answering clumsily, “a-ah! Yes! Thank you for defending me! T-That was... amazing!” He hadn’t no one to defend him if it wasn’t a friend– he was truly grateful. He smiled with a blush on his cheeks, looking at you in admiration.

Spotting the book he was holding, curiosity overcame you. You crouched, supporting your elbows on your knees and placing your hands on your cheeks, looking at the big book. "What are you reading?"

The blond unconsciously hold his book tighter, wrapping his little arms around it protectively. He looks unsure about answering, for some reason. "Uhm..." He stuttered, and no answer came out of himー was it something personal? Full of his dirty secrets?

Blinking, you seriously asked, with no hint of derision in your voice. "Is it your diary? Looks pretty big for one."

He instantly blushed in embarrassment— the blond felt actually ashamed and indignant hearing it. His book wasn't nothing like that at all! "AーAbsolutely not!! This is not a diary!!"

"What's is it about, then?" You tilted your head to the side, waiting for an answer.

He stays in silence. He looks unsureー his eyes look at the book and then to you, as is you were going to hurt it in way. You are patientー waiting for his answer, you just stare with a blank expression.

The blond seems to make up his mind, because he answers, "...it's a book from the outside."

"The outside? As... outside these walls?"

His eyed spark, "Of course! Far away from here!"

"Outside..." you wondered... how far away you could remember? The only far place you remember going was the forest. “Can I read it?”

Again, the kid looked unsure about it. Bur fortunately, he decided he could trust you. He nodded, opening the big book, you sitting besides him. “Here! If you want to read it...” he pointed a paragraph with a small illustration of... something blue.

Focusing your gaze on the words, you tried to read them. But as you expected, you didn’t understand anything of it— a soft whimper left your mouth, and the blonde got worried by your irritation. Wasn't it... extraordinary?

“Uh? What is it?” He looked worriedly at you, feeling disappointment.

“I can’t read.” You plainly stated, tilting your head, looking at him with your dull eyes. He blinked at you, not sure on how to react. Nevertheless, he didn’t laugh— not even a chuckle.

“Do you want me to... read it for you...?”

Nodding, he smiles and reads the paragraph about “lands made of ice”. You can’t imagine something like that— but it makes you wonder. Your eyes spark with interest, and your curiosity wants more, so you tell Armin to keep reading and explaining things to you.

“Hey! Maybe I can teach you how to read and write, if you want.” He speaks gently to you, taking a break of his book. It’s easy to say he likes you, and you like him.

You nod with a small smile on your face.

“Armin! Why are you with the weirdo?!”

Recognizing the voice, your expressionless face returns again, and Armin catches your change of demeanor.

“Eren! That’s rude!” Armin tells him, frowning. The brunette only tsks in return, glaring at you. “He defended me from the bullies!”

Eren’s gaze is on you still, but you don’t look at him at all. You stand up and dust your pants, ready to leave but Armin stops you. “Hey! Don’t go, we haven’t read the rest yet!”

“Armin! You can’t just let everyone see the book! You don’t even know this guy!” Eren yells, and the silent girl besides him pulls his ear, making him yell her name.

“Eren, why are you mean to him? He—”

“It’s alright. I have to deliver this, anyways. See you, Armin.” You look at him with a barely visible smile, and leave without looking at the brunette.

Watching you leave, Armin still remains frowning, hugging his book. “You don’t have to be like that with him. He’s nice.”

“Whatever. He’s weird.” Eren crosses his arms, pouting.

“Ah! He didn’t even told me his name...”

“He doesn’t have one.”

“Uh? What do you mean?” Armin looks at him in curiosity.

“My dad told me he doesn’t remember anything. Something about ‘amnesia’ or whatever. Now, let’s read more of your book!”

“Oh— right!” Armin smiles along with Eren, running towards the lake near the town.

The silent girl follows them, smiling secretly as she remembers how Eren wanted to know everything about the mysterious boy with his dad when he returned.

+++++++++++

You didn’t like Eren. And you knew he didn’t like you.

Sometimes you two fought not only verbally, but physically. Grisha was actually surprised by the two of you, Carla was disappointed in his son as she could see he was the one instigating you, and Beatrice was worried for both of you.

It was actually a nightmare to separate the two of you— Eren nor you wanted to let go from the other. Bloody noses, bruises and scratches were normally found on the two of you.

You always tried to ignore him, but he demanded attention by getting physical. Even Mikasa had a hard time separating you along with Armin. You couldn’t be with Armin because Eren was always irritating you, nor you could talk to Mikasa because she was always with him.

“He likes you, actually.” She told you sometime ago. You only raised your eyebrow, without saying much. It was one of the times were you could talk to her normally, while Armin and Eren were reading Armin’s book nearby. It was actually bearable staying like this, even if you weren’t able to read Armin’s book, talking with Mikasa was good.

And it seemed your relationship with Eren didn’t improve at all— when you saw him fighting with the bullies you didn’t help him at all. Just like he saw you being picked on by various kids, leaving without saying a word.

Carla and Beatrice were worried and disappointed that their boys couldn’t be together at all— it was unfortunate.

Grisha only said to ‘give it time’. He always told to Carla that he knew Eren didn’t actually hate you, and he was just confused by his feelings. Carla laughed, agreeing with him.

Something changed one day when you were in Dr. Jaegers house, as he did his usual checkups on you. You were stressed; more headaches with unusual pain overcame you, nose bleeds, and the fights with Eren was stressing you out more than usual. You had nightmares you couldn’t remember, and not even the tea Beatrice did was helping you.

Grisha did everything to help the pain disappear, but nothing worked. Carla and Mikasa weren’t on the house currently— leaving Grisha, Eren and you alone. You couldn’t bear the headaches anymore— they hurt too much!

“Eren boil water in the pot, I will get the herbs.” Grisha commanded, seeing how tight you were holding your head.

“What?! I’m not doing anything for hi—”

“Eren!” Grisha yelled, making Eren jump, “I don’t care about your problems right now! Stop acting like that and obey!” The doctor’s face was all serious and irritated, but he managed to stay put. Eren stayed still for a second, but went to the kitchen to boil the water.

Grisha left to get some herbs from the other room, leaving you laying on the couch with a warm cloth over your head. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough for you— your whimpers and cries could be heard, sometimes you were hyperventilating. Eren watched you in worry, seeing how much blood was pouring from your nose.

The doctor returned, telling Eren to get him a teacup with the hot water. Quickly, the older man helped you sit to drink the tea, you could barely hear him talking to you, but drank the liquid nevertheless. You couldn’t even register how hot the tea was and how it burned your tongue, as the headache was getting worse.

“Clean his face.” Grisha told his son, as he left in a hurry again to the other room. Eren frowned, he didn’t want to do it. But he knew his dad was going to be mad at him, so he obeyed, once again.

Grabbing a cloth, he clumsily tried to clean your face, but he made it worse. Your whole face was covered in blood— it looked like a nightmare. “What... are you... doing...?” You breathlessly spoke, looking at him but at the same time trough him. You knew he wasn’t doing a great job— you just did.

“Hey! I’m trying to help you! I don’t even—“

“Eren! What are you doing?!” Grisha yelled, making Eren take some steps back from his horrible job at cleaning. The doctor grunted, “just– just give me a clean cloth and a bucket full of water.” He had a syringe on his hand with an unusual color in it. He took your arm and told you, “this will hurt a little bit, but please stay put.” Slowly, he injected you, but you didn’t feel it, or rather reacted to it.

Slowly, you began to feel relaxed, as if you were shutting down. But you were crying— many tears fell from your face while you sobbed. Looking at Grisha, your broken voice said, “I’m never going to remember, right? I will never remember who they were, right?!” The doctor could hear the desperation in your voice, how angry and sad you sounded.

Eren watched you, feeling... upset.

“I... I want Beatrice...” You felt sleepy, your eyes began to close as you were still crying. Grisha’s hand was on your back, and slowly helped you to lay again. You blinked a few times, looking at nothing in particular before whispering and falling asleep, “mom...”

Grisha sighed, passing a hand trough his hair. As Eren gave him what he asked for, the doctor began to carefully clean your face, as Eren stood besides him, watching your troubled face. He tried to cover his worry with an uninterested tone, “is he going to be alright?”

“He will. Hopefully I won’t use this again on him.” He looked at the syringe for a brief second. “The pain was worse than before... but what is causing it...?” The doctor wonders.

Eren just sits on the floor, unsure and worried about you. You looked in a lot of pain, a kind of pain a child shouldn’t feel. He thinks in the times he has fought you, taking advantage of your headaches. He feels so low, a bully— the ones he fights to protect Armin.

His eyes widened at the realization— was he... the bad guy in your life? Eren pouts, averting seeing you. He actually was interested in you... but seeing how you didn’t even look at him made him angry. Why could you smile at Armin and Mikasa but not him?

Eren had a lot in his mind, and you were invading every bit of thoughts on his head.

After...

Grisha told Eren to go to Beatrice and get her take you home. The woman hurried with worry on her face, and with the help of Grisha, returned you to her home. Not quickly after that you got a severe fever– hallucinating, whispering nonsense, talking to Beatrice as if she was someone else... It was pretty bad. Grisha didn’t know if you were going to make it— nothing cured you. Eren, Mikasa and Armin were worried. Sometimes Armin read his book with you, while Mikasa helped Beatrice with her pastries, and Eren surprisingly took care of you. Carla supported Beatrice too, saying you were going to fight the fever and be alright soon, but it was hard.

You didn’t give any signal of waking up.

^^^^^^^^

“Why aren’t you waking up? It’s been a month!” Eren speaks to you, knowing you wouldn’t answer. You just lay in the bed, with a frown on your face. It’s been the sixth time he had to change the warm cloth on your head– Beatrice is downstairs while he takes care of you. He doesn’t mind now; he wants to be near you. “Everyone is worried! You—! You weirdo...”

Since the moment he saw how you suffered the other day, he wanted to apologize to you. He felt regret. Everyone was waiting you to wake up, so why didn’t you?! “Please, wake up! We... We don’t even know your name!” Tears fell from his face while he tightly took your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours’. “Please...”

Immediately, your body began to shake uncontrollably. This was Eren’s que to get his dad as fast as he could. Running downstairs, he yelled to Beatrice what was happening while he ran to his dad to help you. Thankfully he was home with his mom, he ran to him and took his hand, pulling him while he yelled what was happening. Grisha couldn’t understand anything Eren was saying, but the doctor understood what was the problem. Getting his instruments with the help of Carla, the two ran to your house, the door already open when they arrived.

Beatrice was trying to help you, but it was with no avail. Grisha quickly approached your small form, while Eren looked worried and helped Beatrice. The doctor injected you with his syringe on your arm, making you stop slowly. Whimpers came out of your mouth, along with more nonsense.

“Protect...” You barely whispered, “king... walls... they...” More nonsense that nobody cared for— they couldn’t understand what you were saying.

Grisha spoke to Beatrice while Eren watched you. He sat besides you, taking your hand, holding it tightly. The two adults go downstairs, talking about you and what could happen.

“Hmn...?” Eren heard you moving and whimpering, and he couldn’t believe it— you were waking up! He watched as you clumsily tried to sit, rubbing your eyes. The brunette couldn’t hold himself, and he hugged you as tight as he could, making you confused of what was happening. “Uh...? Eren...? Why are you hugging me?” You spoke, feeling your throat dry. There was a hint of irritation in your voice – what was he doing?

“You are finally awake! I thought you will sleep forever!” Eren yelled, holding you even tighter. His head was hiding on your neck, and you could feel something wet on it– was he... crying? Eren crying for you?

“What are you talking about? I don’t remember anything. And why are you so happy to see me?” What just happened while you were ‘asleep’?

“You had a high fever! We thought—“ Eren stops, immediately breaking the hug, as he realized something important, “I have to tell the others!” He left the room as fast as he could, leaving you dumbfounded.

What happened?

After that, Beatrice came to the room, hugging you immediately while she was criyng. She explained everything that had happened, while Eren got his dad to check on you. He said everything seemed fine now – but he recommended being careful with your health.

Weird enough, your relationship with Eren got better. But being honest, you didn’t like him at all. But he... somehow changed around you. He defended you from the bullies, always tried to talk to you— and even if you tried to ignore him, he sometimes grow irritated but persistent. Mikasa and Armin told him he had to be patient– something that he clearly wasn’t. He even yelled at you, crying ‘why don’t you let me talk to you?!’ so desperately. It surprised you; old Eren wouldn’t even want to talk to you.

Gaining your friendship was hard, but thanks for Armin and Mikasa advice and help both of you grew as friend, surprisingly enough. No more physically fights, no more snarky comments, no more separation between all of you.

It was nice. You gave him a chance, and he took it.

The four of you were the happiest friends— and even if the everyday was repetitive and boring, nothing was better than being with them.

You hold these memories dearly.

+++++++

Living with Beatrice was peaceful. The kind woman took you in when she heard your situation— you not having no memories about your past whatsoever, all alone in these walls you just recently knew about. So when she was prying what the soldiers where saying, she took pity on seeing your little form behind the blond's man leg, looking uncomfortable and frightened.

How would you have survived all alone? The only option for you may have been the 'underground' rumors she heard about. That wasn't going to happen to you if she took you in— so she did.

You were a... quiet boy. Observing you, she could see you really didn't know how to react around other people— it seemed you didn't know what to say. Maybe you were introvert, or just awkward, Beatrice thought.

Nevertheless, when you were with her you slightly changed. You talked a bit more than before. When you first came with her, you didn't say much— you didn't even say when your head began to hurt! She always engaged you in conversations, and little by little you gave in. She was happy. Beatrice even noticed you liked affection; how you hugged her leg or asked for a kiss on the head. You were a beautiful kid.

Beatrice didn't know what to call you– you didn't remember your name, and she just didn't want to name you just like that. She gave you time to try and remember something before choosing other options, and you somehow succeeded.

+++

"Oh, honey, do you have a headache again?" Beatrice asked you, seeing how you tried to calm down the pain, placing your hands on your temples. You nodded, closing your eyes. "Just give me a minute— I will make tea as fast as I can, honey!"

You had headaches pretty often. She had to take you to Doctor Jaeger's house when she saw blood pouring from your nose when the pain was unbearable. He recommended some herbs, along with placing a warm cloth on your head. He looked pretty taken aback by your situation, and tried to help you and Beatrice with all he could, along with her wife, Carla.

And this seemed like one of these times when the pain was unbearable. You were grunting and tensing — so Beatrice hurried and laid you on the couch that was on the living room. Placing the cloth she warmed on your head, the woman hurried and took the tea, returning to you. Helping you sit, she approached the tea cup to your lips, swallowing it little by little.

The remedy helped you bear the pain a little, but that didn't mean it still didn't hurt. She could tell by your tensed features— how your eyes tightly closed, your eyebrow furrowed and your small hands hardly grabbed your clothing or pressed them against the sides of your head.

And as if the pain went away. you quickly opened your eyes, blinking repeatedly. She placed the tea cup on the small table, "are you alright, hon? Does your head still hurt?" She worriedly asked, gently patting your head.

You looked at her, not saying anything at first. She could tell you were trying to form your words, so she patiently waited.

"I think my name is... [Name]." You stated, looking lost. "No... I'm sure '[Name]' is my name." you said more confident, slightly smiling— a sight she didn't see until now.

"[Name]... that's a wonderful name, dear!" Beatrice happily said, kissing your temples. "Did you remember your last name, [Name]?"

You shook your head a little disappointed. She quickly acted and said, "No worries, [Name]! I'm sure you will pretty soon!" Taking the cloth off your head, she went to the little kitchen and stated, "What does an apple pie sound? To celebrate you remembering your name!"

You quickly nodded, eyes sparkling. She giggled seeing your lighten face— a feature you didn't often show to anyone but her and her pastries.

+++

Unfortunately, you didn't remember your last name at all. The only thing you remembered was your name, and that was it. Anything you tried to remember made you have headaches, and in the worse cases made you have nosebleeds. So the woman decided to not to remember anytime soon— and you just accepted it. The check-ups with Doctor Jaeger said so too.

So you just stayed with the kind woman. Beatrice baked bread and other pastries in her little kitchen, and you helped her with giving deliveries and giving a hand on the kitchen. You quickly learned how to bake all kind of things thanks to her.

+++

"But remember, [Name]— this is our secret, alright?" She whispered at you, making you smile and nod. The pastries' recipes were only know by Beatrice and you, and even if some people gave you money for them, you always said no.

Your bond with her was strong— she loved you as her own son and you learned to love her, too.

+++

Beatrice heard the front door open, seeing your little form coming in with a little bag on your hand.

"Delivery completed! Here's the money." You said, handing her the small bag, which she took. "Miss Cordelia wanted to know the recipe, again. I told her I didn't know it at all, but she doesn't believe me..." You showed a small smile, looking at Beatrice.

"Thank you, dear. Cordelia has wanted this recipe the first time she tried the bread— but this is our secret, right?"

You laughed, "yes, mom!" and when the word left your mouth, you quickly covered it with your hands, looking embarrassed.

Beatrice was taken aback too— you never have told her mom before, and even if she dreamed about it, the woman didn't want to pressure you with something like that.

"U—Uhm... sorry, miss Beatrice..." you apologized, looking upset. You shifted your gaze at your feet, with hands behind your back.

She quickly noted your tensed form, and tried to reassure you. She crouched to be at your height, and warmly said, "[Name], you can call me mom all you want. You know I love you, right?"

The statement made you quickly look at her, with your eyes widened. You blushed and hugged her, surprising her, but quickly returning the hug.

"Mom..." you said again, hiding your face on the crock of her neck. She patted your back, kissing your head.

You two stayed like that for minutes, before Beatrice broke the silence.

"Hey, [Name]..." She tried to take your attention, which she received a humm in return, "would you like to use my last name?" the sudden question made you shift your form so you could look at her. Worried, Beatrice hurriedly tried to explain herself, "only if you want to, dear! I've been thinking about it— but if you don't, that's alright, love. I just was—"

"I would like to." You quickly answered, looking shy. The reply made her excited,

"Really, [Name]? Would you like to be [Name] Knight?"

" e re e 's Knights!"

Your head began to hurt, but just as the unknown voice came, it left, along with the headache.

"I would love to, mom.

Are you still working on your Attack On Titan stories? Or are they discontinued? Sorry if I’m bothering you I noticed that you’ve been posting a bit. I hope you have a nice day and take care of yourself!

hi, anon! im trying to work on reiss asylum for the moment... very slowly, but making some progress.

and don't worry! these asks are not a bother <3 thank you for reaching out and i wish i could be a more competent writer LOL. but writing hasn't come to me as it used to.

thank you and i hope you are doing well aswell!!