I've Been Trying To Think Why I Stopped Writing Entirely, So This Is Just A Vent/ramble Post And Doesn't

e m p t y / 10

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter ten — first day

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Standing with everyone else, looking straight without a hint of emotion. This was their first day as a soldier.

[Name] had matured— his eyes were gentle, but with the horror seen by them made them harder. His cheeks blushed a little by the sun— it was a hot day after all. And with the uniform on... ugh... He felt already soaked inside the jacket.

He could hear the yells from the instructor, shouting at some kid far away from his line. Even if he was far away, it seemed he was just besides him. [Name] bet the man could be heard to Wall Sina.

Deep in his thoughts, he didn't catch a certain pair of eyes looking at him curiously. But thanks to his instincts, he feel it, quickly making him look for them. He traveled his unusual eyes trough the line in front of him who were facing him, and finally, [Name] spotted a very tall guy with hazel eyes looking at him. But just when he meet his eyes, he blushed and averted his dull gaze.

"He is very tall..." [Name] thought, admiring his height. He thought maybe he was the tallest soldier around here. The teenager could tell he knew [Name] was watching him, because he began to sweat. Is the sun or is it me?

Hearing the instructor coming near, [Name] quickly looked straight. The man just walked by, until he saw [Name]'s form and began to shout at him immediately without mercy.

"You! Who the hell are you and from where?!"

Saluting, he shouted, "[Name] Knight, sir! From Shinganshina, sir!"

The tall man blinks when he takes a good look at the unusual eyes— and he remembers who he is instantly. He was the kid from the outside... He remembers that last name too well. A Knight, uh?

"And why the hell are you here, you maggot?!"

Without thinking much of it, a natural response left his lips, like an automatic reply or as if someone replied for him, "To free us, sir!"

"We'll see what a good for nothing like you would do against a titan, maggot!" He yelled, leaving him to go for another cadet. [Name] sighed, relieved he was gone. He wasn't a fan of being yelled or having to raise his voice.

" e —— ???? xxxx free!"

A migraine began to take effect on him, making a frown shift his gentle features. Not now, just wait a little more— it's almost over. But the headache didn't listen to the poor boy, and just began to hurt with more force. He gritted your teeth, bearing the pain. The sun didn't help his situation at all, too.

Thanks to the pain, [Name]'s mind was occupied on calming himself, making him lost any attention to other's peoples names or where the intimidating man was, and certainly, he didn't feel a pair of green eyes looking at him with surprise. When the headaches happened he ignored everything around him, specially when the pain was high. He didn't even noticed his friend getting head-butted by the instructor.

Somehow, [Name] noticed 'presentation time' was over by seeing all of the cadets walking off. Just, how much time has passed? Wait— where did he have to go?

Placing a hand on his head to control his headache, —that somehow worked— he heard someone approaching, making him turn just to see his friend Jean. He was frowning at him— was he worried?

"[Name]... again with the headaches?" He asked, gently placing a hand on his head, relieving a little pain feeling his warm hand, "maybe there will—"

Before he could finish, a new male voice interrupted him, along with three people quickly approaching both of them, "[Name]!!"

[Name]'s eyes immediately widened, "that voice..." Turning behind him, he meet with the determinated eyes he have always admired. They are alive!

Forgetting about the pain, [Name] tried to say something. But before any of the two of them could react, the brunette with green eyes have tightly hugged [Name], making both of them fall on the ground. But the amnesiac teenager couldn't feel any pain when he was overjoyed and happy— his friends were safe.

"[Name], we thought you were..." A gently voice could be heard, knowing very well who belonged it to. [Name] looks at the blond with soft blue eyes, who looks he's going to cry. "We didn't see you anywhere!"

The black haired girl makes Eren to stand by his disappointment, and quickly helps [Name] stand along. "We look for you when we could, but we never found you..." She says, looking at him as if she didn't believe he was there.. Her eyes looks gentle and soft, and a small smile appear on her delicate lips.

"Where the hell were you!?" The brunette angrily asked, surprising everyone by his outburst, "you didn't look for us, did you!?" Eren spoke with a different tone— he was upset. Mikasa and Armin looked at him in worry: the brunette always got mad when he thought about [Name] back then.

"I—I left as fast as I could with mom and... we got with the refugees and..." [Name] spoke shyly, not expecting such angry behavior this soon, "we went to Trost... and I lived there..." The amnesiac boy didn't find the words to reply back— just as he found his friends he felt fragile, feeling emotions at once.

"Did you think about us when you left?" He frowned, looking at is side feeling hurt, "to think I was worried you were... dead, and after all you—!"

"Hey!" Jean, who was pretty silent with the reunion, shout, getting their attention, shoved [Name] behind him, "[Name] saved his mom's and his' life first! At what you are so angry about?!"

"Aah?! And who the hell are you?!" Eren clenched his fists, not liking one a bit how easy he touched [Name]. This coward is [Name]'s friend?!

"None of your business, dumbass! But I won't stand here and hear your nonsense against him!" Jean could get protective over [Name], even if it wasn't that necessary. But seeing how this idiot wanted to make all of what happened his fault, that wasn't going to happen. He could see [Name] was troubled— he just reunited who the friends he thought were dead, but being pointed at while he was happy made him utterly upset.

"Eren!" Armin tried to calm him down, "[Name] is alive and with us again, aren't you happy?" Mikasa frowned, looking at Eren with concern. She could notice her brother had mixed feelings about finding [Name]— the ravenette knew his anger would disappear eventually, but he had to control it to not say hurtful things that could upset [Name]. But as Armin and she knew, he didn't think before speaking. Mikasa could notice [Name]'s frown from behind his friend— such a sad look that didn't belong.

Eren gritted his teeth, grunting. He knew he was being an idiot to make [Name] feel like this— but just as he saw him again... it made a mess with his feelings that he couldn't control well. At times like these it was better to walk off before hurting more. He gave one last pained look at [Name], "I— See you around, [Name]." He left, clearly mad. Armin gave one last tight hug to [Name] with Mikasa.

"Don't mind him, [Name]. He's happy to see you, you know? He's just... very sentimental as you know," Armin tried to laugh it off awkwardly.

"I guess... It's understandable," [Name] still had his sad look— he was really happy to see his friends again, but the feeling of guilt overcome his joy. Was it wrong to put his family first?

"I'm happy to see you again, [Name]." Mikasa gently spoke, smiling at him, "these past years had been difficult, but I'm glad you are alright with Miss Beatrice. We... we lost mom."

"And grandpa too..."

[Name] gulped. Carla, the pretty woman that always opened her doors for him, was gone too. Armin's grandpa was gone too. He couldn't understand how they were feeling after loosing their family like that. "W-What about Dr. Jäger...?"

She sighs, "we don't know," she looks at [Name] with a cryptic expression, "but seeing you here makes me glad you are safe."

"I'm glad I could see you again too," he attempted to smile, trying to make himself better. He hugged Mikasa and Armin, "I really missed you."

Armin laughed happily and Mikasa smiled warmly. Jean stood there awkwardly, frowning by what just happened before. The trio eventually finished the hug, pulling away. Both friends waved at [Name], saying they were going to unpack their things and find Eren. [Name] waved at them with a smile, feeling slightly better.

"You didn't tell me your friend was an idiot," Jean spoke, still angry.

"I didn't think he would be like that... but I guess he's still sentimental." [Name] sighs, rubbing his forehead, "at least my headache is gone."

Jean sighs heavily, already in a bad mood in the first day. Patting [Name]’s head, he spoke, “already the first day and I already hate someone.”

”Eren is not that bad. He’s just... reckless.” They began to walk to the dormitory.

“In other words, a dumbass.” [Name] chuckles, agreeing a little, "also, that girl is pretty..."

As they get into the dormitory, many of the people who were already there began to pick their beds. [Name] didn’t exactly care with who he had to share his bed with, but Jean certainly did. His friend hurriedly tried to find free shared beds, but he couldn't find any. Jean cursed mentally, grunting as he realized he wouldn't share a bed with [Name]. Could he be more unlucky today?

While Jean got angry in silence, [Name] already choose a free bed and began to unpack his stuff. Yawning, the boy couldn't wait to sleep already.

"Hey! Looks like we are sharing!" A freckled boy spoke to him, making him turn. He had dark hair and by just looking at his eyes there was no malice— only kindness. [Name] nodded, not knowing what else to say. Fortunately, the freckled male didn't back off, "I'm Marco Bodt, nice to meet you!"

"[Name] Knight. Nice to meet you, Marco."

Just as both unpacked their things Marco did most of the chatter. [Name] didn't mind him— his voice was soft and gentle. He liked hearing him, and the freckled didn't mind [Name]'s silence, so that was nice. It seemed he had notices [Name]'s unusual eyes too, but didn't say anything about them.

Jean's absence didn't last long. The irritated teenager found [Name], and as he saw his friend already being so comfortably with someone made him narrow his eyes in suspicion. He approached him, "[Name], you found a bed?"

Both of them turned. [Name] nodded, sitting on the bed as he stretched. "He's Marco."

"A-Ah! Hello!" Marco smiled, and Jean only stared at him with narrowed eyes. It was clear miles away this boy didn't mean harm— but why would Jean even care about that?

"Hi," Jean sighed heavily, rubbing his neck trying to calm himself, "I'm Jean."

"Uhm— what you said back there..." Marco spoke, not sure if to proceed but did nevertheless, "you were really honest."

"Hmn?" [Name]'s brow raised, "what happened?"

"You didn't see?" [Name] shook his head, noticing Jean's blush, "he got... well, he got head-butted by the instructor."

"He did?" [Name] couldn't hold his chuckle. Just imagining his friend being attacked by Shadis was funny, shame his migraine didn't let him see such show. "What did you say to get that?"

"It's not important anymore!" Jean yelled, clearly embarrassed, "anyways! We should change already— dinner will be in some hours so..."

"Oh, right! It's nice we don't have to do anything on our first day..."

[Name], already irritated by the tightness of his uniform, stood up from the bed and began to undress himself without any care.

Both boys noticed his actions, blush appearing on their faces immediately.

"H-Hey! [Name], what are you doing?!" Jean spoke trying to stop him, but only receiving a slap on his wrists.

"Undressing." He answered, unbuttoning his shirt.

Jean realized this was going to be until the end of their training— as the trainee corps had limited expenses, it was clear there was no "dressing room" or private showers. Every man and woman had to share and see each other without clothes, so their shyness had to go away forcefully.

Just the thought of seeing [Name] in the shower made him blush. Covering his mouth, Jean thought wasn't that bad after all...

Marco averted seeing [Name] taking his pants off, crimson appearing on his face. He tried to shake off the awkwardness of the situation, "w-well! W-Where are you two f-from?!"

Jean and Marco tried their best to hold a conversation without seeing [Name] changing without any care in the world. When he finished, the amnesiac teenager laid on the bed and told them to wake him up when it was time for dinner. Marco was surprised seeing him asleep in about five minutes, but Jean had explained [Name]'s favorite hobby was sleeping every time he could, so it was normal he fell asleep quickly. The freckled boy was rather impressed.

  From not too far away a brunette and a blonde saw everything with a blush on their faces.

"Idiot...!"

"W-Well! He really is the same, ah?"

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"[Name], wake up. It's time."

The amnesiac boy grunted, frowning as he opened his eyes lazily, spotting Jean. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stretched and yawned. Jean knew when [Name] woke up, it would be five or even ten minutes of him being semi-awake, so he had to take care of him in a sense of procuring to watch over his steps, where he was going or stop him before he could hurt himself. It was pretty ridiculous how sleepy his friend could be, but it didn't make him less adorable.

"Is he really awake?" Marco asked, looking at how somnolent [Name] looked. Was he really that tired before?

"Nope, but he'll manage."

[Name] stood from the bed, staggering a little. He took Jean's hand, but the other, nervous and embarrassed of the comment he would get from the others guys slapped his hand away. The amnesiac boy stared at him in confusion for the sudden rejection— strange. Jean, blushing, already began to walk to the dining hall to hide his blushed face.

Why did I do that?! Clenching his fist, Jean was clearly feeling embarrassed— he knew since before getting here this would be a problem. It seemed his pride was more important. "L-Let's go already!" [Name] tilted his head, yawning. He followed Jean, with Marco behind.

The freckled boy didn't understand what just happened at first, and stayed in silence. He took care of where [Name] was stepping on— the teenager almost went to sleep again while walking and almost hit himself with a wall. Can he sleepwalk...? Marco hoped he didn't.

When they got to the dinning hall it was pretty full, but they were just in time. Marco, seeing that [Name] looked still sleepy, told him to wait on a table while Jean and him returned with food. He happily agreed, instantly sitting on the nearest table, placed his arms on it and rested his head on them. Was he looking for the right time to sleep again?

"Is it normal that he sleeps so much?" Marco asked, taking two pieces of bread, two plates of soup and water.

"Don't know normal, but usually. I think the most he has slept was three days."

"W-What?!"

"Yep. Sometimes is impossible to wake him up— normally his mom would take care of this, but as he is here..." He sighs, "that won't be any good."

"Three days..." Was that even possible? Wasn't Jean exaggerating? "How normally has that happened?"

"I didn't really take track of it. But I noticed when he got bad headaches, and I mean bad, he fell asleep for some days."

"Headaches...?"

The time they were in line Jean explained [Name] state until they finished and returned to their table. The teenager still remained asleep, until Jean shook his shoulder to wake him up.

"Eat before it gets cold— it already is, somehow." He sit in front of [Name], and Marco besides him.

[Name] rested his chin on the palm of his hand, lazily taking bites to the bread. His eyes spotted his childhood friend Eren being surrounded by other people. He waved to Mikasa and Armin, receiving a wave and a serene smile from the ravenette and a grin from the blonde. It seemed Eren had already stated he was from Shiganshina, because [Name] could hear plenty of questions about how the titans looked like.

Jean was listening, and Marco, who grew more curious about it went to Eren's table to listen with the others.

It seemed a question hit a nerve. [Name] could only see Eren covering his mouth as if he wanted to vomit— after all, what happened to him was traumatic. He lost his mother, and who knows where his father was.

Jean's eyes shifted from Eren to [Name] respectively, noticing the worried expression his friend carried.

Just hearing the brunette speaking about joining the survey corps like [Name] made him more irritated than he already was. Nevertheless, he didn't let it show and preferred having some fun. "Wait a moment, are you crazy? Did you just say you want to join the Survey Corps?"

The brunette frowned at him, even more when he saw [Name] in the same table with him, "what about it? You are the one who wants to join the Military Police to take it easy, aren't you?"

[Name] just watched in silence, wondering what exactly Jean wanted to do.

Jean smirked, "What can I say? I'm honest. I prefer being that than try to act tough when in reality you are scared shitless." The comment seemed to annoy Eren, seeing him stand up with a glare directed at Jean. The taller teenager didn't seem bothered in the slightest— he stood up too and both teenagers approached each other. But whatever they wanted to do was interrupted by the sound of the bell, signalizing dinner time was over.

The taller male just smiled unbothered, "well, my bad. It wasn't trying to judge the way you think," he held his hand in a weak and fake attempt to release the tension, "let's let it go."

"Yeah... I guess I overreacted," It was clear to [Name] that Eren didn't accept the fake apology, seeing him just slapping Jean's hand. He seemed to leave, but before he did he looked at [Name] as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't. Clenching his jaw, he averted [Name]'s prying gaze and left with a frown.

Would he be angry with me forever? [Name] stared at the table, upset. Mikasa and Armin weren't angry with him—and even if they told him Eren's anger wouldn't last that long he didn't fully believe them. Maybe he should speak to him... but how?

It seemed the time he had with Jean these two years had made him more sensitive about friendship, in some way. After all, he did felt some guilt about what happened. But what he could have done? He was just a kid.

"You okay?" Marco's gentle voice is heard, looking at his friend in worry.

"Yeah. I'm just... sleepy," he rubbed his eyes, "where's Jean?"

"Outside... I think someone's with him." He looked at the door, seeing Jean talking to a short guy.

[Name] didn't feel too lively now, and the only thing he thought about was laying in bed. He guessed he had to get up early in the morning tomorrow. Standing up, he took the last bite on his bread, not feeling hungry anymore. "I want to sleep already... I'm heading back."

"A-Ah, I'm going with you!"

Just as he wanted to leave, he bumped onto someone else, instantly hearing a shaky apology. [Name] blinked, lifting his gaze to meet someone incredibly taller than him.

It looked like the taller guy recognized him from somewhere, seeing his widening eyes.

[Name] knew those eyes.

"Ah— you are the one with pretty eyes from back then. And the one from when Shadis was yelling at us..." He spoke with his dull voice, not noticing some questioning gazes he got for the compliment. The brunette blushed, stuttering. "You are taller."

"You know him?" Marco asked, looking at both of them with prying eyes.

"Yes. We met in the refugee." He looks at him, "I never got your name."

"Uhm, B-Bertholt!" He seemed shy.

"Nice to meet you." He smiled, tilting his head.

"Bertholt! We—" A more deep voice came trough, but stopped when he saw company. It was a blonde and buffed guy— [Name] remembered him too. Seemed he did too, because his expression was the same as the brunette's, "Y-You are from back then!"

"There was someone else with you, wasn't it? Is she here too?"

"A-Ah, well, yes. She's around." The blonde smiles, "nice to see you again. I'm Reiner, by the way."

They both were going to the dormitory too, so Marco and [Name] stick with them. When they saw Jean outside they invited him to head back with them, but he had told them he was going to stay a little longer outside.

The four teenagers began to head back, and as expected, Reiner and Marco did the most of the talking, while Bertolt and [Name] quietly stayed in the back. The amnesiac boy looked carefully at the brunette, as if he was inspecting him. That only made Bertolt nervous.

He took Bertolt's hand, surprising the brunette. [Name] let out some hums and ah's, "you are huge. How did you get so tall...?" He compared his hand with the other's, looking at the difference while the brunette's face went red by the touch.

"U-Uhm, thanks...?" He said unsure— was that a compliment...?

"Tell me your secrets." Sparks appeared in [Name]'s eyes as he tightly hold Bertolt's hand. The brunette began to sweat, feeling shy and awkward by the touch.

"Uhm... Reiner..."

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Just as they got to their destination, [Name] wasted no time in throwing himself on the bed. Laying on his stomach, the pillow where he pressed his face on made his voice get muffled, "good night" he tried to say, ignoring any sort of conversation somebody wanted to have with him.

The three teenagers just saw him. He really was either lazy or just uninterested about everything.

"He sure likes to sleep a lot..." The freckled boy said, impressed. He knew it would be a pain to wake him up in the morning tomorrow.

The blonde laughed, "let's see who wakes up first— [Name] or Bertolt? Looks like you two have something in common." The comment received a grunt from his friend.

The three spoke a little bit before going to sleep, even when Jean got back. He wasn't surprised seeing his friend already asleep, and remembering he wasn't sharing bed with him made him grumpy before going to bed. Unluckily, his past thoughts about how handling [Name]'s touchy behavior made him pretty awake all night. Was it really a problem? Did he really pay attention of what others think about their relationship? Well, if they thought they were in one it was even better, wouldn't be? Even more if that jackass Jaeger knew about it. Just remembering the looks he gave them made him snicker. Unfortunately, that wouldn't matter if [Name] himself didn't feel anything romantically for him.

Fucking hell. Can this be more complicated?!

        L̸͔͇̰̬̆͜ơ̵̝̰̓̋̎̓̋̾̇͘o̸͔͖̯̟͍̓͛̍̔̿͘͝͝͠k̷̨͎͖͎͍̞͗̊͑͆̃̐͗̏͛́s̸͙͆̿͒̾͐͝ ̵͍̄͋̈́̒͝ͅl̸̨̉͗̒̿̀̌̃̈́̍̐͘̚̚͝i̴͖̮̼͓̤̼̼̬͚̥̥͉͈̬͛̒͗̚͠k̵̡̢̮̺̠̊͂͠ͅͅe̵̡̖̲̼̺̝̘͔̖̖̞͙̽̉͒̍̂̓̈́̄̽̍͆͠͝͠ ̷̡̭̟̼̭̙̠̙̮̹̞̈͗̾̈́͝͠ẅ̵̛̛̲̲̬͎̘̭̜̲̬͔̞́̎̐̒̋͌̈́̀͛̇͑̄ͅͅę̴̛̝̯͇̼̹͛̚ ̸̛̗̏̽̆̀̋̀̎̽̐̐̚̕͘͠a̴̡͔͔̱͖̤̦̣̺̫̠͑̈́̀ͅŗ̸̲̝̣̹̻̺͖̲̠̿̾̈̂̓ͅe̵̲͙̭̺̥̝͔̹̣̮̤̱͇̽̂̇̔̑̂͑͑̇̏͛͝͝ ̸̲̫̎͂̄̏̀͐̋͐̽͑̕͘͝r̷͇̞̣͍̱̳̗̳̱̞̗̉́̎̋̈̓̔͊̍̒͑e̸͖̥̠̭̰̩͂̓̋̉̌̄̋̂̑̓̈́̽͘u̵̧̧͎̹̱̜̥̫͓͕̞̓́̀̐̀̀̀͑͘̚n̶̝̗̟͠i̴̛͓̯̘̜̻͉̔͛t̴̨̧̗̬̯͖̺̀̃͂̒̃͂̃̍́̚͠͠ê̸̦͍̜̮͐d̷̨̨̓ͅ.̸͚̯̼̎́̈́̃̍͊̃̋͘ͅ

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Childhood sunrays

He was seven when he first met you. He was the little boy, who dressed prim and proper and had a fitting face, though sullen.

His father was an honest professor that taught the elite and propitious, those in the privileged life. He, ignoring the threats and pleas, never shied away from the reality of the world.

He would spend hours on the injustice to the poor, government reforms, and political ideas too ‘radical’ for the school.

He would always get permission to get into his lectures and he would be so memorized when the topic evolved into something so fundamentally different that you had to wonder about it until days later.

And that itself caused tension between his peers. Erwin knew it stemmed from fear and insecurity— he was a seven-year-old kid who was known to outshines his elder peers who were groomed to be the best of the best, so he understood very early on how pride lead you in a leash.

With bruised knees and a bleeding lip, Erwin was chased to the unsavoury and poorer parts of town, house projects run down with green moss growing on the sides and grass unevenly and overgrown. It had its discarded concrete sidewalks cracked and uneven from the time.

He knew his father was sick with worry. Frantic, possibly.

But he also only has known the white washed walls and red bricks of home where nothing ever changes in its constant loop. Knowledge is power, and curiosity is the driving compass.

Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back, as the saying goes.

A chained dog ran in up front, started to bark frantically, mad, only the old chained fence acting as its last barrier. Erwin froze, terror locking his muscles and a tremor broke out, stuck in front of the water down house with no lights on.

Only for the dog to run away as an orange peel thrown into its way.

His saviour was swinging his feet against the chain fence, with ripped jean shorts and a t-shirt too big for you. You had orange peels in one hand and the other gripped to balance.

“Hey, are you sure you ain’t lost?” His childish voice, high and confident, brought and hooked you to the reality.

“I’m sure, thank you for your concern.” His shaken voice, still present, but netherless grateful. You frown, tilting your head if to better understand.

“I mean, you walked this way, like, three times.” You hold your fingers up ( a cheap bandage clinging on with God’s miracle ) as if to better understand, he held his gaze for a moment or two, breaking contact to look at his clothes, tender red knees and busted lip.

“Oh.”

You sigh, swinging down from the gate and arching your back, you look at him with a perplexing look, “Well then, c’mon we got a date to go to.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Under the searing sun of the summer of ‘96, you led way through roads Erwin was a stranger to. You were patient with him, and you were keeping pace with him, and your grip was neither chafing nor bruising. But yours were messy hands.

Messy with the sticky feeling of oranges, and cheap crayola crayons, with a too big shirt and choppy, uneven hair that somehow suited you.

Every motion you created was an animated picture, and it made him want to follow your every move, a dance of two.

You are a tour guide in this turning world, like in the first meeting, you hold his hand as you walk and talk through he neighbourhood. Talks about Mrs. Jones— the old lunch lady with tattoos and a motorcycle she lets the kids play with, to old man Joe, the man lost it in the war and got a silver tooth, you say.

It’s all chaotic and wild, but you move through it all as if it’s as flexible and easy as water.

Erwin’s father breaks into wild sobs as soon as he saw his son being led back into the safety of their home. He was too close on calling the police when a boy holding his son’s hand asks for him.

You’re this split-second burst of color that suddenly erupted out of nowhere, and before he could even think, you were already gone. You always were.

Melting into everything, into his hindsight, into the deepest trenches of his memory. You were so abrupt, and blinding, and you made his chest feel weird and you had this presence that both terrified and confused him for some unknown reason.

Through his teenage years, he and you would grow closer. Flashes of memories snapped and froze to twinkle, from the time you and him snuck into a movie, to the time you were forced to get a hair cut and "ran away” to his house.

Childish naïve, as they played tag under the golden rays of the sun set, and counting the bugs underneath the rotting wood with the stars above them. You said that if you squint hard enough, they look like porcupines dancing with each other.

You, in his humble opinion, feels like running away, but not the real kind. More like how you saw it in childhood movies. Running to endless woods that hid magical adventures, running to hills filled with flowers and frogs and grasshoppers. Happy ignorant and not having to prepare but knowing the future of everlasting happiness and sunshine.

He wished he prepared more.

——

New York is a city too big for one, yet ironically too small for Erwin.

His works circle towards bringing down the corrupt, from CEO’s to the politicians and the rich and influential. He works here because its his duty and passion. (But his head is whispering haunting promises of city lights of a boy with ambition in his eyes.)

The percentage of even meeting you again, after all these years is mathematically impossible, how could he? When he left, he wonders, if you still think if him as his childhood friend or imagination of what he could have been.

His wishes ended up being manifested as a piss thrown bagel.

He was walking through the crowds, leaning thinner than other days when a half-eaten bagel lands on his shiny expensive leather shoe.

He grimace, Hange crackling in the background and Levi tsk with murmuring under his breath.

He looks up, scanning for the culprit, noises in New York are always blended but a voice sticks out from the rest. ( young and deep, a paradoxical dream, he knows this voice ) Arguments, insults and loud voices, he brings his attention to the couple in front of him, and—

The countless heads of ongoing bystanders, and yet. You. With the hair that catched the sun’s eye, and the wind’s kiss blows.

“Y/M!”

You, with caramel factories in your pockets, and rainbows stains on your fingertips, turn around and all breathing is sucked from the tunnel vision of you.

Your hair is longer, less wild and free, and your face contoured with more chiseled since your childhood days. But your freedom of expression is painted in your face.

Surprise, confusion, and realization.

“Erwin? Erwin Smith is that you?!” Your pitch rose as your entire being rose with it, your eyes widen and crinkled, blooming like the dandelions on spring.

“Oh lord, it’s really you!” You ran, skipping through the lady’s threshold, and Erwin already dropped his briefcase as he opened his arms as wide as he could to catch the wild storm of colors that you were.

You hit him with all your force, and from that force of reality that sucked all breath from him, he finally thought he knows what home really is. (He remembers, they were sprawled out on your couch, facing each other, smiling like idiots, mouths stretched so wide our cheeks ached with the strain. )

I often fantasize about how life would be like with you.

“My god! Jesus, I haven’t seen you, in what? Six, seven years? Look how much you grown!” You pull away just slightly, still entrapped in his arms, as you take a good close look at him for the first time.

And Erwin stares. Stares because in these streets that blur in the background, he can smell the orange soda that you drank under one gulp for a bet and the crackers that you hid away for the zombie apocalypse prep. And then he realises that he is staring.

“I— yes. We, I mean, I did grow. With, uh, food.”

You laugh, and your laughter feels like a dying sunrays directed at him. Like blooming flowers, and with his limited vocabulary he fumbled out the crooked, vague, feeling that waved through his teeth. When was the last time he was swooned by your laughter?

You move to speak, and he unconsciously lean forward as if seeking a place to rest, as a shriek of your name breaks through this haze of whatever overcame you two. You blink, your face realizing your situation, and your expression drops, like his stomach, unto one of uncomfort and annoyance.

You lean forward and in an entirely exaggerated expression, you crestfallen sigh, “Hear that, Erwin? It’s the devil calling my name.” A sharp tug, what else could if be? A sharp poke at his tender heart, do you hear that? A taunting voice, he’s preparing to leave again.

You lean back, tilting your face in the same way when he met you and smile such a sad smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Erwin. Don’t be a stranger yeah?”

His finger twitches, his lips parting in anticipation, but he closes in remorse.

“Yeah, let’s.”

But as you start to pull away, you move with just speed and color as you pull put a sharpie from your pocket. And he’s taken back to your phase of always carrying candy in your pockets, no matter the event or temperature.

“Here,” you hold your hand out, and Erwin isn’t even aware as he instantly drops his whole hand in yours.

The blank ink stings his eyes, as numbers shaped his hand. A smily face, wobbly and silly, is at the end.

Your face almost splits in half as you smile up at him, “Don’t forget to call me tonight, yeah?”

He nods silently, not trusting his words clearly, as you waved through the crowd back to the woman who started to hit you in the head. He takes a step forward, and you throw your head up and start to taunt her as you start to run away.

Reminds you of the time you used to throw orange peels at his peers. You turn around for a second and smile one last time and wave a goodbye, and just like his hindsight, you were a hurricane of color that picks him up and disappears immediately.

Even though his colleagues watched their interaction between a well-known blank mask to a complete stranger, he throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh from the credence of his chest. He could act all stoic but his heart doesn’t feel stoic enough to make him serene.

He pockets his hand and ignores the shouts of Hange, and the silent eyes of Levi that probe him for his unanswers questions.

His steps feel lighter.

——

I don’t know if i should, like a part 2, or a pov of the reader. I dunno. I’ll go and sleep.

Flower Curse | 2

[levixmale!readerxerwin]

this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease.

summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

o n e

The second time was a close call. You were with Erwin and Mike in the mess hall, talking about the next expedition. Somehow, Levi wasn't with you and was with his squad, possibly talking about the same topic as you three were. He wasn't that far to you so you could easily look at him and obviously, Petra sitting next to him with her sweet smile, looking at him with that idiotic face you hate.

You liked Petra— you truly did. But seeing her so close to him –knowing her true feelings– and he just keeping quiet about it... made you feel heartbroken and angry. You once did believe he could have seen you like a partner when you first met him, but it seemed that couldn't be. You thought you could have get close to him— did all of your attempts were for nothing? It seemed so. He didn't even looked at you; you were nobody.

You didn't mean to stare for too long, so Erwin tried to get your attention when he noticed you weren't answering him.

“[Name], I asked what your thoughts were. Are you listening?”

You quickly began to blink and looked at him a little confused. “I'm sorry, Erwin. Didn't really hear you, what did you say?”

Erwin gave you a questioning look and followed where your gaze was a moment ago– just as he noticed who you were looking at, his expression softened, returning facing you.

“So that's what's been keeping you distracted all day. I guess I expected it.”

“It's nothing I can't handle, I'm going to get over it anyways.” you shrugged and took a bite on the horrible bread, the taste making your face change in disgust.

Mike noticed your affections to the corporal right away. Somehow, your smell changed when you were with him or were watching him; it was confusing at first, but he understood it right away. But now, you smell different... and he couldn't recall the aroma. Was it... some flower? No— your scent was from old books and ashes. Flowers wasn't on it, but he's not so sure now.

“Well, “getting over it” it's not easy, [Name]. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed, he usually does.” Erwin says looking at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Whatever,” you tried to change the topic because of all the cadets on the mess hall. It didn't matter if all the chatter from everyone was loud so you couldn't care about someone hearing your conversation, but there was always someone eavesdropping. Or maybe you didn't want to feel the pain in your chest when you talked about this? “The expedition, you were talking about—” taking a last glance at Levi's table was a big mistake. What you saw made you feel your chest tightened; Levi and Petra hands were touching under the table, and you knew nobody but you noticed it. You suddenly felt sick.

You coughing so harshly made your commander worried, while he was gently patting your back to help you, Mike gave you water from his cup, but stopped when he smelled the same sent he was thinking before— something soft... a flower he knows... but which one? Maybe daisies? No—

You felt something very wrong with you. Feeling like throwing up made you cover your mouth with your hand, you got up from the seat ignoring Erwin's worried questions and waking up Mike from his daze. You ran out of the mess hall as fast as you could, missing the confused and some worried looks some of the cadets gave you, including Levi's. You didn't care at all, you wanted to get the hell out of there.

Instead of going to the bathroom you went to your office. You didn't know how, but you knew what was happening, with hurry you opened the door and closed it as you could, then uncovering your mouth and finally throwing up... yellow flowers?

“What— What is this?!” you thought, horrified. You were scared— who couldn't be? This wasn't something you have seen at all. “What's happening to me?!”

Stopping throwing up flowers, your eyes were red from the crying and force, your throat was dry and you were patting for air. Kneeled on the floor, you just could see in distress the yellow flowers in front of you. You couldn't think anything; this was bizarre. Feeling exhausted from the sudden force, you couldn't do anything but examinate the flowers lying on the floor. Were they– roses? No-- you don't even know the stupid flowers' name.  Your attention was at one flower in particular; it looked like a complete flower. Did all of this was... inside your stomach?

The sight was horrifying.

Before you could gather your thoughts, someone opened the door along with a deep voice you knew. It was Erwin's.

“[Name]? Are you alr—”

Then, before he could finish, he stopped suddenly, processing what was in front of him. You didn't move at all or tried to explain what happened to you. You didn't even understand– everything was terrifying, just as the first time you saw a Titan. But the difference was that at this moment, flowers were your enemy and not some giant. Not this time, unfortunately.

Erwin walked and kneeled at your side, trying to reassure you with posing his hand on your shoulder and the other on your arm with gentleness. “How are you feeling? And why are flowers all on the floor? Mike and I were worried, you weren't in the bathroom as we thought.”

You were going to be honest with him. What was the point on lying if he could see trought you? You were done being a liar to him, and also, you were so scared. You could feel your hands shaking because of your emotions and the sudden force of throwing up.

With a trembling voice, you talked, “Erwin... I– I threw up the flowers.”

He just confusingly looked at you, with a raised eyebrow. He was looking at you saying “do you think I'm this dumb?” But the look on your eyes gave everything away; he knew you were telling the truth. Seeing you so scared and vulnerable made him worried– this wasn't your usual self. You weren't like this at all, looking at your eyes he tried to find the lies he was used to, but only saw fear. Accepting you were telling the truth, Erwin was as confused as you were— in fact, he never heard something like this before.

“You threw up... flowers...” he said to himself as if processing the information you gave him. He was thinking what could this be-- but wasn't certain. He never saw a disease like this– was it even possible? Well, it looked like you were a living proof of it.

He helped you stand, you felt horribly weak so hanging on him looked like the right choice. Erwin looked deep in thought, his frown giving it away. You didn't say anything; you just rested on his chest and tried to calm yourself, closing your eyes in exhaustion.

“We need to go with Hange, this isn't good [Name],” He said looking at you, with a demanding stare. You knew he was worried about you— so you just nodded. You didn't feel like talking anyway. “I will order a recruit to clean this, so don't think about doing it.” no looking for an answer you two left your office, heading to Hange's office.

The walk was slow— you felt dizzy from walking normally, so Erwin decided to walk at your slow rhythm. You felt weak— you didn't like what was happening at all, but complaining about it wasn't going to help anything. You needed to understand how was this possible, and why was happening to you.

But it looked like life was against you today; suddenly you saw Levi standing in front of you, watching the two of you with his usual glare of him, arms crossed.

“Oi. What happened to you? You look like shit.” the Corporal said, walking were Erwin and you were. The hall was practically deserted, lunch wasn't over so the three of you were the only souls around.

You felt nausea all over again.

“Thanks Levi. I know I can always count on your sweet comments.” you tried to joke, but somehow your bitter voice made it through. In fact, you were feeling like shit and wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. You didn't even want to see him, not like this.

“I asked something,” he glared at you and then looked at Erwin, “What happened to this idiot?”

Your grip on Erwin tightened, giving a message you knew he understand. You didn't want to worry anyone— you didn't want to worry him. For now, this was between Erwin, you and soon, Hange.

He understood your message right away and answered, “[Name] threw up. We are saying he got food poisoned— so we are going to the infirmary to check him.”

Levi frowned and hummed. “The bread tasted shittier today, it must be it,” Looking at you he said, “I will go with him. You can return to your work, eyebrows.”

Erwin and you were suddenly uncomfortable, especially you. You didn't want to go with him-- just to see him made you feel sick all over again. But, if it was your luck or bad luck striking again, before any of you could say anything you three heard a female voice coming nearby. Again, the nausea returned with so much force– you could even feel the flowers raising, but you shut your mouth as tight as you could.

“Corporal! I was looking for you! The tea is— Oh! [Name], are you alright?!” Petra stood next to Levi and stopped to look at you with concern. “You look pale!” she tried to get near you, but you stopped her raising your hand, making her confused.

Erwin felt your grip tightened more than before, and he knew the reason why. He needed to leave with you fast, and before anybody could say anything Erwin talked.

“[Name] needs to see the nurse. Levi, I remember ordering you to train the recruits after lunch. Don't worry about [Name], he will be alright.”

And with that you two practically ran not waiting for an answer; leaving Petra dumbfounded and Levi with a questioning glance. You tried to not throw up and hold it as long as you could, this wasn't good– you prayed to get to Hange’s office already, and Erwin was practically carrying you bridal style. Some cadets and squad leaders were on the hall, and you couldn't evade the questioning glances at you at all. It looked like you were going to be the topic for today, unfortunately. It wasn't every day you see the commander carrying someone like this– or even better, never.

Erwin practically bursted trough the door, surprising and scaring the hell out of Hange and Moblit who were inside the office. Before they could ask anything, Erwin closed the door with his back and you couldn't hold the flowers anymore, so you just threw up all of the yellow flowers that were inside your lungs. You were kneeling on the floor, with Erwin patting your back and Hange and Moblit looking at you surprised and horrified. Nobody dared to say anything; so Erwin was the first to break the silence.

“This is the situation we are in, Hange. We need your help.” he looked at Hange with a serious expression, still trying to comfort you as you still were throwing up.

x x x

Mike returned to the mess hall, sitting with his squad. Nanaba looked at him with a worried expression and asked, "Is [Name] alright? He looked very pale." It wasn't any secret that Mike's squad liked you; you liked hanging with them a lot of your free time. In fact, you liked to talk with a lot of squads, earning their trust and friendship.

Hearing her, Gelgar turned his attention to the two, a bit worried himself about the sudden action he saw earlier. "Yeah. [Name] looked just like me when I'm drunk as fuck," He tried to joke a little, just to earn a not-too-hard glare from Nanaba. "What? He could have drink a little yesterday! Don't give me that look."

"I believe Squad Leader [Name] wasn't drunk. He wasn't drinking any last night, and if I'm correct he doesn't drink."

Mike hummed, deep in thought. The two members of his squad only gave him a confused look he ignored. Nanaba and Gelgar knew this look on him- it was when he tried to know a certain smell. They decided to not to interrupt him when he was like this, so the two of them returned to their chat.

Suddenly, after some minutes, Mike blinked and smirked, only letting out a word: "Carnations."

Nanaba and Gelgar looked at him, stopping their chat a little, returning to it a little after.

t h r e e

E m p t y / 5

[ shingeki no kyojin x male reader ]

【 male!various x male!amnesiac!reader 】

[Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place -- trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches.

Who is he? And why he can't remember his own face?

Masterlist

chapter five — new memories [1.3]

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

It was one of their usual tasks— bring wood and herbs for Mr. Jaeger. It was a job for Eren and [Name], as Mikasa helped Miss Carla and Beatrice with pastries and baking bread in [Name]’s mom house. Everyone was pleased how nice the relationship between Eren and [Name] turned out— no more fighting but the occasional comments [Name] had to say to stop Eren’s angerish behavior. Surprisingly, they actually could notice how the brunette liked his company, and always wanted to stay at his side. The two women could notice when Eren was being scolded by [Name], he just blushed and averted his face, as if he was embarrassed of his actions.

It was somehow irritating for [Name]. As you could tell, he wasn’t fond of Eren’s voice— it was loud and annoying. He preferred staying with Mikasa or Armin, as their voices were less noisy than Eren’s. Obviously, this was an unusual conflict within the two: [Name] being vocal about his annoyance, and Eren being angry about it.

Eren liked [Name]— it was a fact. Carla and Beatrice could see that so clearly, even if the brunette tried to deny it so desperately. It was a huge change from their beginning— it was actually strange how Eren’s behavior changed when [Name] scolded him, but when Mikasa did it he angered. As Beatrice believed, [Name] was unaware of Eren’s feelings and didn't pay much attention to him. He too denied Eren felt something for him, and just was being the usual ‘hot-head’ he was.

But their differences weren’t always present— they genuinely liked each other and were good friends. [Name] didn’t hate or disliked Eren but the opposite: the amnesiac boy admired how strong and determined he was. It was just his loud voice that made his ears suffer. Nevertheless, [Name] sometimes tried to bear with it and spent time with Eren, and the brunette tried his best to not be ‘noisy’.

But back to the present— Fortunately, Dr. Grisha didn’t say when he wanted the herbs, and neither he looked impatient or urged for them. The two boys decided to rest a little bit in the small woods, the air was fresh and it was surprisingly relaxing there, as no one but them were there. The two carefully placed the bottles full of herbs on the grass before lying on the ground, looking at the sky. [Name]’s eyes sheepishly looked at the clouds, while Eren eyed him, he being unaware of it.

“Say, [Name]...” Eren spoke to get his attention, in which the other hummed in response, “do you think... we could see the ocean together one day...?” He asked with a blush on his face, looking at the other side to hide his embarrassment.

[Name] blinked, still not looking at him. “What’s with the sudden question? The four of us promised we would.” [Name] felt relaxed, blinking slowly. Letting out a yawn, he rubs his eyes, shifting to a more comfortable pose to sleep, not paying much attention on what the other has to say.

“That’s not what I mean...” Eren frowns, unaware of [Name]’s sudden tiredness. “I mean that... maybe we could...” he blushed deeply, unable to explain his feelings. He’s not good at feelings, and when he had never felt something like this before, this is hard for him. Even more when the one you have interest on doesn’t even likes you that much. “I want to see it with you... right at my side.” His whole face is painted in red— he plays nervously with his hands.

The lack of response made Eren impatient. Looking at the side, he noticed [Name] had fallen asleep by the low snoring that could be heard. At first, the brunette felt irritated and angry— as usual, [Name] wasn't paying attention to him. He even tried to not be so loud, and [Name] didn't even care about it! He didn't want to accept the small glint of jealously he felt when the [color haired] boy preferred to be with Mikasa or Armin, but him! Annoyed, the boy crossed his arm and averted seeing the sleeping boy, pouting.

Sighing, the boy lies on the grass, watching the sky. “I’m not that loud...” he speaks to himself, turning to see [Name] with narrowed eyes. The boy lies peacefully, his chest slowly moving up and down as he breathes, both hands tangled over his stomach. Why did he liked [Name] that much? At first he couldn’t stand him— but seeing him... hurting the way he was before, it made him feel... upset and dirty. His guilt was a major factor of his change, and somehow, interacting more with [Name] and knowing him more and more made him interested and curious on him.

He likes him, that’s the truth.

Sitting, the brunette gets closer to [Name]’s form, looking at his face, focusing on him. Eren can’t help himself and slowly leans forward [Name]’s face, Eren’s own heartbeat raising. Gulping, he closes his eyes, hands shaking by his nervousness. He gently kisses the soft lips, deep crimson painting his cheeks. Eren feels... joy as he answers his curiosity, but soon he becomes worried and scared as he feels [Name]’s body shifting. Immediately the brunette breaks the small kiss, almost falling on his back by he sudden separation. He covers his mouth with his hands as he nervously looks at the [hair color] haired blinking sheepishly, looking around and spotting him besides him.

“Eren...? Did I fall asleep...?” [Name] asks as he rubs his eyes, yawning. Stretching, he notices Eren’s quiet and unusual behavior. “Is something wrong...?”

“Uhm— No! E–Everything’s fine! We should get going.” Eren hastily speaks as he gets up and takes the wood and bottles, signaling [Name] to hurry up too. The amnesiac boy blinks confused, but soon stretches and gets up too. He takes the herbs and the wood on his back and waits for Eren to begin walking. Surprisingly, Eren takes his hand wihout warning.

“E–Everything ready?” Eren gulps as he speaks, looking at [Name] with a blush on his cheeks. He pleads in his mind for [Name] not to reject him— to stay like this just for this moment. His heartbeat raising as he sees the amnesiac boy blinking, not giving his thoughts away— Eren has always watched how expressionless [Name] can be. The brunette holds his breath until [Name] answers.

“Yes. Let’s go.” [Name] nods while speaking, walking ahead hand in hand with Eren. By Eren’s surprise, the [hair color] haired boy tangles his fingers with Eren’s, making the brunette’s heart skip a beat. [Name]’s face is the same— serene and calm, while Eren’s is a messy crimson.

They met Hannes in the way back, and the blonde soldier can catch how red Eren is. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the unusual scene of them being like this— gaining a ‘what are you laughing at?!’ from Eren, and another scolding from [Name], ‘don’t yell like that.’ making the brunette shut his mouth immediately. Hannes was actually impressed by such interaction— not even Carla nor Mikasa were capable of holding this little ball of anger from acting recklessly.

The walk between the two was unexpectedly calm, as both of them talked about what they will have for dinner. Eren’s face had a big grin, happy by how things turned out.

e m p t y / 15

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter fifteen

found

It was an unfortunate turn of events. Things didn’t mean nor were visualized to go like this, but hey, life was a box full of surprises— some pleasant, some bitter. Unluckily, [Name]’s future seemed bitter in every aspect, and that didn’t seem to change any time soon.

”Where the hell should I go...?” The lost boy spoke to himself, sitting on the grass. His foot hurt, his side hurt, his head hurt— walking was a small problem, but the pain was bearable. His jacket helped a lot to not receive any scratches nor cuts, but his face and hands said otherwise. Messy hair, blood pouring from his nose, bruises and nails bleeding... the poor boy was left a mess.

He didn’t know where to go exactly. Reiner was the one with the map, so he was the one calling the shots. [Name] had briefly seen the map, but he didn’t pay much attention to it.

Big mistake, you idiot.

”Well, at least I’m not dead,” he yawned, carefully rubbing his eye. He had stayed in total silence for many minutes to at least hear a voice, but the only sounds he heard were the birds signing and the squirrels talking to each other, “...I wonder what they are talking about...”

There was no voices he could follow— he was truly lost in the forest. A very, very dangerous situation to be in by yourself.

Well, it wasn't as if there was another way to lose that thing. Reiner could be slow, and getting a bite from it wasn't going to be pretty. [name] tried to imagine his friends were fine, since they ran another way, but his mind didn't help him but wonder about them.

Lying on the grass, the amnesiac stared at the sky with lazy eyes. His chest moved up and down slowly, feeling a bit dreamy. 

He remembered those times with Eren, as they both sleep on the woods along with Armin and Mikasa. It was pretty weird— a sleepover on the woods. The principal activity was hearing Armin read his books, but specially his book about the outside. His energetic yet soft tone of voice made them wonder about the impossible; about what wasn’t seen by anyone here. Not even the soldiers who fought for humanity’s freedom.

Talks about where they wanted to go, what they wanted to do. Tangled wishes made by wondering children, all thanks for an old book nobody know who created— an unknown author that disappeared from the planet, leaving a wish behind for someone to fulfill.

The amnesiac boy was sure his answer was out there, where normal people couldn’t touch. Where people inside the box could not wonder; where people who refused to explore more than what was allowed choose to ignore the reason of such taboo.

[Name] was decided to explore that world. 

But first, a nap didn’t sound that bad.

♛

You feel fear— someone is chasing you. Not just one person, but there's many sounds behind you. There's yelling; someone is barking orders. Multiple footsteps— soldiers.

In the dark streets lighten by lanterns, two people run down the street.

Your companion is terrified— why are you running? What's the danger? Why do you feel so scared? Where are you?

You were too slow. They caught up with the two of you. A shame. 

You are cornered just like an animal. Perhaps we always were.

”We have finally found you— a ███...” the one in command spoke with a tired grin, satisfaction running all around his body as he saw every inch of terror on your faces, “you all have been hiding like those ███, aren’t you? A shame most of you die because of that ███...”

”P—Please, let us go! We didn’t do anything!” You tried to plead, but you know it's all for nothing. They are savages, after all.

”That’s true,” the man looked as of he was thinking, “but you are all the same. You share that dirty blood— sorry, nothing personal. Just following the King’s orders, you know?” a harsh chuckle left his mouth, mockingly looking at the two victims.

”Why are you doing this to us?! Please, I beg you, leave us alone! We’ll do anything!”

The soldier's aim falters, his expression showing a frown. ”...Anything?” He softly asked, tilting his head as he looked down at the couple. The ones being chased nodded erratically, a look of desperation and relief plastered on their faces. “...Then run.”

”...What?”

”Run away from me. I’m giving you the chance,”

A soldier's confusion makes him speak out loud. ”Sir?”

”Did I allow you to talk, soldier?” He glared at the poor soldier who only shut his mouth in return. The sergeant looked again at the poor horrified pair, “you heard me. You can run for your lives, but don’t look back because I will kill you.”

The leader stares with an unknown look, but you don't hesitate. Already running with your partner while holding hands, you hope to get out of there— were they don't exist. Where you can live freely. Where there are no dreams shattered. Where there are no children fighting battles they don’t own.

The two of you almost make it out of there; your partner grips your hand. Hopelessly staring ahead, you almost smile.

Just before the pair sighed in relief, two shots echoed trough the silence of that night.

Footsteps approaching— the unmistakable sound of military boots stepping on the dirty ground.

The sergeant in charge stared at the two bodies laying on the floor uncomfortably. One pair of eyes remained closed, while the other widened as it looked at it's partner. They didn’t know what just happen— or perhaps they didn’t even realize. Maybe that was a gift.

An expression of complete disgust appeared on his face, utterly repulsed by such view, “such a waste of ammo,” looking behind, he immediately barked orders, “soldier ███ and soldier ███! Get these things and throw them away. You,” he pointed another soldier, “will clean this shit.”

With a last look, the captain whispered. ”You should have looked back, filthy ███.”

。。。。。。。。。。。。。

“This ███.. are you sure he can have it?”

”Do you have another child around? This kid is the only one left— Keno’s child fell into illness, and we all know she’s not going to make it.”

”But... he’s going to be so alone...”

”We have no choice. All of us are going to ███ eventually. Hopefully he can find his way back...” the man sighs, “if he’s lucky, he can find us. But... I don’t have much hope.”

”Oh, my poor child... please, find your way home...” someone kiss your temples with gentleness, “I will pray for your safety.”

”Praying will solve nothing. What good have that brought us?”

。。。。。。。。。。

In front of you is the sea.

You are not alone— there’s a woman besides you, but the ocean waves are the single thing you can hear until she speaks in a gentle tone. You know that voice, but you don't know who belongs to.

”You know, little boy, there are many things you will discover trough your life. You have to live it fully until you can— people like us can’t live longer than what we like to.”

”Why?” You hear yourself asking— a younger voice of a little boy.

”Because we are the ███ . Easy as that.”

”But mom wasn’t like them...”

”And perhaps you could live longer. Who knows? What we need to know is that you will walk forward until the end, with your head high and with no remorse. You are strong— make your future and travel trough these waves. The world is much more than a simple caged island full of fools.”

She gazes at the sea, a grim expression shown on her face. “But a peaceful future is not what we can get. That boy... it has been said he would only bring misfortune. The elders said your only goal is to ███ him,” she frowns, “that’s something I don’t want you to be. Why do we have to be in that position..?”

”███? I don’t get it...”

”Well, it’s not as if we aren’t named the cursed, after all...” she sighs, “you will understand soon enough. Our only goal as the ███ bloodline.”

The woman sits on the sand, signaling you to do so. Obeying, you can’t help yourself to grab the sand and play with it. You only hear a chuckle coming from the woman, amused by the show.

”Pay attention, okay?” She says in a firm tone, showing him a small brown book, ”this book is important— don’t lose it. Inside there is everything I told you about, and much more. Be careful with it and handle it with care... drec femm pa dra mycd desa E fuimt cyo ed.”

。。。。。。。。。。

“Goodnight, ███.”

-

”███ is going to attack someday— that’s all we know. Hopefully, the others ███ can do something before that.”

”You are speaking as if you have faith in this kid. That’s dangerous— you won’t even be there when he wakes up.”

”Oh, ███! Stop the negativity! I believe in my ███. He’s strong— if something even happens, he will find his way trough.”

-

”I didn’t mean to make things go this way. Forgive me.”

-

Fa ymm yna kuhhy tea! Zicd palyica fa luimth'd cdub y cehkma eteud! Dra Nispmehk... ed fyc ehhajedypma.

-

”That stupid kid! Why did he had to exist?! If only he didn’t, everything would have been better! Shit!”

”How can you say that, ███?! He’s the key to all of our freedom!”

”Cut that shit! Can’t you see?! The Elders even said that! The world is going to suffer the rage of a ███! Just because he has The ███! Fucking shit! Your kid is not even standing a chance against that— it’s just useless. All of this,”

”He’s going to do the right thing. I know him— he’s my boy.”

”What even is the right thing, ███? This world is going to see the true devil once for all… just because they couldn’t do their job properly. For a nation, ███ is truly useless.”

-

”You are the connection. You will do the right thing and free us. You are the future. ███ counts on you.”

-

”Kill him— you have to.”

-

”Why did you have to join the Survey Corps? You will get killed!”

-

”I love you, ███. Please forgive me.”

-

”Did you know the sea is soooo big?! Even bigger than these walls!!”

-

”I know you have to kill me. But even if I love you, I won’t let you.”

-

”The sea. We’ll go together.”

-

”–ced. With this letter I hope we can unite for a new and greater future. Sincerely, ███ lineage.”

-

"We are the ███'s shield, as they are his sword."

-

"They are chasing us! Son of a bitch! After the hell they put us through we are disposed like this?!"

"Making us forget...? But we swear to protect... why do we have to disappear? Why is that our fault?"

"There's nothing else to do, then. Let's get out of here."

-

”I told you I wasn’t crying!!!”

-

”We are just a creation born from ignorance. Born from hunger for more power and control. Why are we even fighting for them?”

-

”We’ll find each other. Even when 10 years go by, I will always think of you.”

-

"I heard your whistle. You saved me, again."

-

"I promise you I'll protect you!"

"With that loud voice? I don't think so."

-

"I... I can't. I love you."

-

”Goodnight, ███. I’ll see you later.”

♛

…

…Well, sometimes naps didn’t do the trick.

The unlucky boy slowly opened his eyes, feeling even more tired than before. He forgot his dreams were mentally draining— even when he didn't remember much about them. 

Frowning, [name] glares at the sky in irritation. He feels useless; unusable. Forgetting those feelings were closed inside his heart, whenever he was alone they surfaced to torment his thoughts. This wasn't what he wanted to feel. It wasn't nice, nor made him feel better. It was a never-ending misery he didn't want to take part of.

”...I’m thirsty,” sighing in defeat, [Name] sat down. He played with the grass, feeling sweaty. Taking off the jacket was an urgent need, but the stinging pain on his left arm stopped him. “...and full of pain,”

[Name] wasn’t good with directions, even less inside a forest with his aching body causing his mind to not work properly. But he believed his hearing would come in handy— if there was something at all around this forest. Unfortunately, he could already hear there was more raining coming.

Standing on his feet with an exasperated sigh, the lost boy began his exploration. Sucking up the pain and bruises, he only hoped to find someone or at least the way out. The sun was still up luckily, but it would soon hide because of the rain— the clouds were already grouping up. The fear of being alone with a monster roaming around already crawled on his mind. This was scary.

He felt useless. u̵̬͉͐̌̌̍̈́͆̓̌̐̀̆ś̵̳̯̯͕̯̟̦͖̬̠̪̦̲͔͇̔e̵̢̧͉͔͚̯͈̠͇͖͑̇̎l̷̪̣̘̘̪͇͔̥͎̩̆́̇̑̊̈́́̉͜e̴͖͗̍̽̿̕s̵͚̟̜̯̯͉̼̦͛͊̎͆̆͌̑̊͑̈̈́́͘͠s̵̨͎͎̜̗̉̐̇u̶̟̜̹͎̯͇͌̐̇̈́̐̎̿̌̕͜ŝ̶͓͍̠͖̞͍̰͚̩̜͆͐͑̈́̀e̶͖̹͎̦̭̦͕̰͎͚͍̓̇̈́̏͂͑̿͊̈͐̚͝ͅl̴̡̻̽e̴̛̪̙̙͓̽̈̏̅͝ͅs̶̞̲̣̘͐̊s̵͉̜̗͕͍̰̬̦̻̰͖̈́̎̐̽͆́̈́u̷̝̠̙̐̂͗̈́͌̒͘̚͜s̴̖̹̪̮͙̣̓̎͝͝ê̵̛̺̥̭̊̅͌͗̂͗̃͘͘͝l̶̫͇͎̍̍̊̑̃͊͛͘e̵̡̪̼̯̬̣̫̞̥̾̉̓͘ͅś̵͔̤̣̦̺̰̀̔̂̓̉̈̍͠͝ś̸̛̘̈̂̌̋̀̂͘͝ů̷̢̢̯͎͉̬̥̱͖̮̯͉̦̱̍̊̂͐̅̌͑̅̎̕̕͜͝͠s̶̢̢̙̲̰͍͇͎̙͓̲͈̑̃̆̽̑͆̔̄͐̈̎̌̚͜͠͠ȩ̴͇̤̼͍̯͈̤͉̬̣̿̈́̐l̵̢̡̛͓̜͈̦͈̭̎̍͂̂̉̑̏̕͘̕͠ͅȩ̵̢̖̳̠͓̼̠̮͚͍͔͇̰̋͆̃͆̏͐͜ṡ̷̛͔̺̑̓̋͘̚͝ṧ̵͓̪̮̱͕̭͖̲̺̈́̈́̽̾̐̚͘̚͠ͅu̵̧̢̻̔ͅs̸̫͈̘̺̺͖̫̭̜̭̟̖̿ę̵̞̱͚͚͈̱̟͖͔̣̻͋͌̽͛̓̈́̑̒ͅĺ̴͔̼̥̗̥͕̠̋̍̒͋̕͜e̶̡̟̝̪̰̥̤͖̪͚̼̤͐̃̍̒̆͒̋̑͘͝s̵̯̤̠̤̍̈̾͌̋͐̎͑̓͒̂̈́̀͠s̵̡̛̫͉̻̬̆́͐̏̄̾̈́̈͘͝͠ų̷̘͍͆̌͛͝͠s̵̡̡̻̟̺̙̹͓̲̦̦̰̮͇͒̈́̆̂̐̒̒̕̕͝͠͠ẻ̸͍̩̫̩͍̝͚̐̉̍̂̈́̉̓̃͋̀͊̀̈́͝l̶̢̛̥͈̤͓͖̤̩̤̞̟͌̈́̽͑̈́̆̏̓̑͐͊̓̕ͅę̷͔̬̭̮̾̋̔̅̋̋̄̀s̵̛̟͉̫͆̃̽̓̐͂͗̑̚s̷̹̱̞̳̫̖̲̓̓̒͒̒̆̐̇̋̚͜—

"Everything is going to be alright. I have always believed in you, so please be strong."

[name] didn't like loneliness. He loved his friends; their moments together is what made him, him. If not for the people around him— if not for Beatrice, he would have been a nobody. Someone who wasn't meant to exist-- a mere ghost with no purpose. But, even in his present, he sometimes felt like a ghost— as if he was someone faceless. Even if he remembered his name, he wasn't sure anymore about it— perhaps he confused his memories.

Perhaps they weren't his, anyway.

Perhaps he was nobody, really. 

w̶̰̦͈͍͚͉͛͋͌̌͒̑̽̀͛h̴̡̜͚̩̼̙̺͕̮̼͓̹̩͍̄͋̈́͗̀̅̅̾͐̇̾̄͘͝o̵̡̡̰̻̲̞̤͍̣̙͔͎͚̙͋͂͌̾͘ ̴̤̱̓̓̎̓̂̒̄͐͋̾̏̈́̀̔̕a̴̢̡̝̞̗̰̞̓̉̂̇̿̊͊́͛̏̑ͅŗ̶͔̟͚͇̾̽̈̉̀̓̽̓e̶̛̦̊͒ ̷͚̻̭̠̳̻͕̝̎̀̏͜͜ͅy̸̧̧̨̭̥̰̝̼̺̠̺̳͚̥̽͐̓̌͛o̵͇̯͋̊̓͆͝ų̷̳̫̣͓̦͖̳̣̣͈̻̬͚̂̇̈́̒̍̆̇͌̐̄̉̄̅̑̚?̴̡̙͇͔̪̬̟̖̘͍̭͐̾̔̀͐͗̑̑̾̋͌̂͘͝

"Its okay to feel fear. I have been scared many times!"

"Stupid kid. Be careful!"

As he wondered inside wonderland, the footsteps behind him weren't noticed at first. In fact, a deep haunting growl was the major factor that took his attention.

"Uh...?"

He looked behind him, connecting stares with a red intense eye. [Name] was sure the thing was looking for him all this time— he was a fool for believing otherwise.

I should have know better.

”̶̛̣̫͚̱͚̦̬̜̍̆̾̏͗̂͂̅̍̎͐͑Y̴̛̙͚͙̾̍̉̽ȅ̴̢̟̯̭̫͖̪͔̺̞̝̭͍̬́̓͐͂͊̈́̔͑̃ͅş̵͕̫̯̖͇̭̘͎̻̪̘̍̑̿͂̄̇̊̿̚͝,̴̡̝̠̭̈́̔̐̐͂̇̈̌͂̒͌́̋̀͝͝ ̶̧̡̩͇̞̲̙͍̰̞̤̩͕͍͇͆͂͌͋̉͋́̓͝͝y̸̨̨̼̬̦̣͈̠̜̣͙̣͙̜̞̾ô̸̰̞͎̞̝̠̣͙͕̲͇̗͓̗͑̌̎̔͘ͅu̶̘͓͙̺̻̹͌͋̂͌̀͝ͅ ̷̡̝̘̪̝̦̥̤̓́͋̽̑̀͆̈́̊̐̕͝s̶̢͖͓̗̤̻̖͇̟̗͇͙̀̍̑͌̓̅́͐h̸̤̬̳̱̩̀̀̊͛̉͗̐̓̈̉̋̈́͝͠o̸̞̔̆̾ṷ̷̧̪̙͍̱͎͎̩̘̺̪̏͜͜l̷̢̪͆̄ď̸̢͚͖͇̲̮̕’̵̨̢͕͉͔̩̥̜̰̜̠̞̝͍̺̒̓̆̆͠v̶̢̯̻̱͔͎̹̙̙̓͛͛̈̍̆̅̏̎̓̽͋͜ͅé̷̙̯͍͚̈́̈́͘.̵̢̹̭̺̳̘̖̫̬͆͐́̏̓̾”̶͕̳̀

“I’m so fucked.”

“̶͉͍̩̥̮̈́̅̏̽́͒͜͠I̴̢̓́’̶̛͚̫̲͚̈̀͛̆̽̿̃̔ͅm̶̨̙̮̘̺̩̹͎͖̪͛̽͒̍̓̔̌́̈́͘ ̵̢̨͚̮̰͖͈̾̄͆̕͜ǹ̵̨̛̝̺̩͚̀̈́̂̌͛͊̏o̶̮̯̺͕̠̍̃̒̐̂̓̃͆̒̌ͅt̷̨̛͚̤͔͍̻͕̑͗͌͊ ̵̼͓̦̄͝ͅh̵̨͒̎ẻ̵̢̨͍̙̼̪͎̱̝̇̈́͝l̵͚̘̀̿͑͋͗̊̚p̷̧̮̎̄͘i̸͖̭̤̩̦͉̐̍̽̋̿̿ṋ̵̯̩̣̺̰́̀̉̓̇̀̀̓̽g̴̞͔͎͍͇̎͌̄̍̈́̓̃͠ ̷͉͕̦̊͜h̸͇̼͇͛͊i̶͓̹̞̾̾̏̐͊̒͋̂͛m̶̯͈̘̣̰̖̌ ̶̩̈́͐̃̈́͌ť̶͉h̷̡̖̱̬̩̫͛̂͂̈́͜͝i̵͍̭̫̾̚s̶̢̱̼̱̭͉̆ ̴̤͉͑͐͗̈̉͊̎̚t̷͍̥̻̗̳̲͕̝̦̽̌͒̍͑͝ḭ̸̛͊̔͗̿̓̿̈́m̴͙͇̮͕̣̹̠̅̋̏̇͋̚e̵̖͙͖̊̐̄̃,̸̧͉̭̼͉̖̳̻̲̓̍͘ ̴̛͚̊͠ͅẘ̷̧̝̭̦̯̞̬̇̈͗͑͠ơ̸̼̯̮̻̣͓̫̖͊̈́̃̏̕m̴̢̘̠̞̘̀a̸̢̟̝̝̰͔͇̞̹̓̅͜ñ̸͕͓͔͚̮ͅ.̴̙͈̬̰͚̗͈̺̇̋͜͜”̷̦̯͍͎̪̙̀̾͊

”̶͇̟̦̐̋̓̆̏͑Y̷̨̩̘̹͋ǫ̶̛̘̻̟͙͈̿͛́͒͋̈́̓̍̈́ǔ̸̮͖̱̖ ̷̭̦͙͚̥̘̎̾͒́͂͂̆̕͜ͅc̵̞̤̓̃̿͠ä̴͕́̑͆̓̾̿͗̕ṅ̵̘̪͙̍̍̌̏̉̉ ̷̯̮̖̥̮̣̲̰̆͒͜b̴̨̈ẽ̸̥͚̲̝̈́̄̐̌͑̊̌ ̵̞̄͗̐͒̕s̵̢̤̼̼̮̟̘̐̆̿̾̓̌ͅo̴͓͂͋ ̴̛̝̰̮͍̖̃̂̽͗̈́͌̇́͜ͅc̴̢̱̞̘̔͐͒͆͑̆̿͐̏r̸̛̫̗͇͈̺͇͎̩̗͒̀͘u̴̬̽͗͝e̸̡̩̯͇̩̜̍̑ĺ̴̛̼̦͔͚̲̗̱̣̥̌̇̋͋͘͝ ̷̨͚͎̾̅̓͘w̴͔͂͊̋̆̍̈́̇̅̐h̴̞̲̖̰̝͈̄͆̊̃̓͜͜͝e̴͍͓͓̞͑n̵̞͑ ̷̧͖͌͐̆̀̍́̓͂̂̾ͅy̵̼̥̜̓͒͐̀͊̚̚ơ̶̘͖͕͈̗̠̪͖̰͒̈̐̓͂̀͋̚͝u̵̧͎̪̳̯̖̟̭̪̓̈́̋̋ ̶̡͍̝̜͖͕̲͉̜͈͐w̸̱̱̹͋̉̉̋̆͛̌̏̑ą̶̧̗̜̱̼͇̮̳͍̏͠n̸͕̰̬̊̽ͅͅt̷̼̮̬̙͈̃̂̽͋̈́̔̄͐̚,̴̗̻̏ ̸͎̹͒̿̚̚█̵̢̝̱̣̝̜̣̰̟̈̓͜█̵̧̢̧̤͍̘̞̜̀̽̾́̉̍͆͘͠█̸̤̓.̴͙͈̠̹̼͓̽̀̓̃̀͐́͌͜͠ͅ”̶̮̻̹͕̮̮̈́͌̒

“̵̥̔̋͂͂̈͌̃̕̕̚͜Ḣ̸̦̣͆͗̽͠e̶͓̥̼̖̦̻̙̭̎̈͑͒̈́͝’̴͍͇̈́̋̍̓̾̌̒̕͘s̴̞͓̘̭̝̱̑̍̕͜ ̴̦̲̥̜͍̏́̈́̽̿͜ġ̷͔͕̭̦̩͙̮͎̫͌ͅo̷̬͕̼̾͒̾̇̍͆͌͊̇ͅi̷̛̛̹̔͐̏͗͆̽͛n̸̤̙̟͛̐̐͊̏g̵̣͈̳̩̹͒̉̂͊̕͝ ̸̧͕̖͔̬̊͗̀̽͋ṭ̴̛̛͕̮̮̳̗͊̈́͐̃̂̏̉o̶̻̫̐͒͋̀͂͒̏͌̇ ̶̝̥̭̗̫͙̓̈͝b̴̳͔̔̄̐̉̅̈́̕ë̴̡̥̰͓́̄͠ ̸̢͆̈́d̴͕͖͙͕͎̘̻̥͖̃͆̏ͅe̴̯̦̥̎͝a̷͈̗̠̩͙͕̿ͅl̶͖̤̦̣͔̥̖̖̻̍̑̃̆̐̚i̶̡̝̥̪̼̥̟̣͋n̶̘͉͓̻̥͋͑͗͋ģ̷̘̙͙̰̺̫̪͔̒͐́͌̾̆̑̀̈̚ͅ ̶̬̙͈̱̝̤̥͉͒̽̊́̎̀̅̕s̷̺̠̦̜̺͊̒̏͛̔̾͊̾̈́͝o̷̻̼͓͇̓̀̀͗̾͊̚͝m̷̡̦̟̬̭͕͚͒́̓͠ͅe̶̤͈̘̊̌͑̃͑͠t̶̢͖͉̤̩͓̻̒͐̎̋̉͜͝h̵̢͈̦͇̝̠̲̭̙̒̾͝i̵͓̜̖͓̔n̴̡̻͍̻͖̫̍̒̂͗ͅg̴̡̲͖̼̫̺͔̋̀͗́ͅ ̵̹͙͎̞̣̦̟̘͊͋̚̕b̵̡̨̬̰̦̆́̾̇̏̕͘͜i̵̛̲͚̋̅̔̀̋̆͘g̸̢̧̛̖̤̗̻͈̋́͗̒̇̅͋̎͝g̴̠̟̗͉̙̣̝̹͍̅̈́̀̄e̷̛̫̙͙̗͕͓̺̓̔͜r̸͈̮̤̻̫̠̋͗̍͗̕ ̶̬̓͋̽̽͋͊͗͠b̴̨̢̪̻̘̻̱̖̲̅́͛̊̂̏̾͜͝ý̸̰͓͇̇̋ ̵̞͋͘͝h̶̦̲̦͍̬̮͈͖̓͐̌͆̕ͅi̵̢̛͚͚̟̩̦̻̱̫̬̅̐̾̀̐͑̂̏m̴̨̤̙̘̮̃̽s̷̤̺͎͇͓̮̜̍̽̀ę̶͚̜͙̗̥̋͑̽̆̐̑̏ͅl̸̢̻͔͍̯͈̯̄́̐̋̅̓̓̇͘f̷̪͓̭̤̣̯͙̞͍̀̈́ ̷̨͙̺̗̜͓̫͆́̎͂͋̈́̅̑̚o̸̬̊̉͋́́̀͊̕̚͝n̴̛͓̜̒̏̎̔́̈́̕ͅe̷͉͚̭̐̔͌̈̐̅̃̒̉͘͜ ̸̢̘̹̭͊̓̑̈́̀͝d̶̙̼̺͔̲̜͚̣͂͗́̐̆͊͝a̶͉̭̪͑̄̃̍̅͂̇͆̓͝ẙ̸̱̍.̷̳͍̔̂ ̸̳͔̼͎̐͑͝Ũ̷̠̜̘͙͎͝ņ̵͉̻͇͖̜̝͔̺͗̅̊d̷͓̹̭̳̓͠e̶̡̘̯̤̫̔̋r̷̨̡͓̰̰͍̓̿́̌͜s̶̡̻̪͖̫̥̥͆̄́̐̅̌̈́͘͠͠ͅt̴̬̦̪̞̥̮͛͋͒̐͋͑̾̈͑͘a̶̞̫̞̤͒̈́͛n̶̠̹̜̠͉̰̳̻̝̑̓͋̄͌̉͝d̵̢̜̯̣̩̦̪̮̞̒̈́̽̂̿ͅ ̴̘̙͕̮̪̖͌̐̋̇̓͗̿̅̈́̍ḩ̴̢̲̤͂̅̐͜ͅi̵͉͕͈̘̋͆m̴̛̻̤̗̰̻̪̉̇̕͜͜.̸̤̙͉͕͕͎͖̭̦͆͐́͠”̴̯̀͊́̓̅̂́͝ͅ

”̷̧̝͇̘͖̲͔̙̭͗̃͊…̵̧̼͋̈́̉̆͋͠͠Ḻ̶̨̹̟̏e̸̡̡͉͉̝̻̼͎̅̑̇̒̈̋̂͐͌͘n̸͈̗̻͍͍̉̿̄́̾͂̑̏͠d̷̨̛̫̯̪͚̰̤̠͓͛̔ḯ̷̺n̷̛̲̼̄̋͗͗͠͝͠ĝ̶̨̊̀̉̈̑͛ ̷̦̞͕͉͈̋̈́͜͠a̴̭͗̽̾̉ ̸̖̪̠͉͕̜͉̍̋̒́͒̆h̶̛̖͓̅̃̍̄̊͗͝ä̶̢̬̜̼̤̜́̊̊͂ņ̴̡̡̨̼̤̮͚̻͊͛̀d̵̡͓̮̘̝̂͠ ̷̧͎̙̣̫̪̱̭̖͑̾̀̓̕͝ͅī̷̳͉̹̌̅̑͝ş̸̛͍̝̣͆͂̌ ̴͉̫̫͎̅͑̑̿̊̒͜n̷̞͑ơ̴̙̮͌̀̇͂͆̆̈́͝͝ť̶̘͖͇͉͉͌͆̀̿̍́̐̋̕ ̶̙͇̜̌̈́̊̐͊̈́́͗͝ẁ̵̨͙̭͈̯͙̲̳̖r̴͖͓̎̋̎̾̕͠͝͝ŏ̷̪̬͒͛̏̈́͂͂̏͆͘n̶̰͚͗̒̏g̶̡̫͈͔̮̮͚̫̘̗̎́̏̄̏͋̊̚.̸̡̱̭̘̪̳͔̻̔̾̆̔̇͒̈͊̕̚͜”̵̢̺̦̫͙̹̞̲̃͂͊̋̃͑́͋̐̕

”̵̧͚̩̙͎̹͓̺̻͇̍̉̓̆͐͝N̷̨̲̦̝̖̭̻͔͔͂́̏ͅę̷̘̦̻̙̟̱̊̌̆̅̓̾͐̓̔i̶̛̫̫̿͊̀͂̀̈́͛͐͝t̵̛̺͖̹̓̈́͋̅͛̽͒̚͝h̶͉͚̼̉̇̔͊̈́̈́̾̒͜͝ͅe̷̝͓̪̬͈̙̽̐͛r̷̡͖͉̝̯͉͚̺͗̀̊̑̌̈́̈̾́͆ ̴͔̝̲̰̟͍̭̭̤̓̎͊ĭ̷͖̱̬͇̪̓̈́̒̎ͅs̸͎̀̆͗̉̓̈́͝ ̸̫͊͊̍̊̾̂͘͘͝ḽ̷̨̢̨͕͔̯̘̥̰̎͂̓͌̽͘͠e̵̮̒t̸̻͈̝̯̤͇̻̣̉́̒͂̉t̷̹͆͜ͅḯ̷̧̱̘̼͔͚̝̆̈͝͠n̶̢̢̰͖͚̞̭̼̝̩̍ģ̷͎̤̰͔̜̹͗́͌͂͆̂̍ ̸̨͖̠̎̆͛̽̎̄̾̔h̴̨̛̠̙͎͎̱̤̬͉͂̓͑͐̍̒͑́͝į̵̨̧̭̲̥̙͚̰̀̉m̶͚̈͛̈́̾̽͂͐̔͘͘ ̷̢̮̰̹̳͙̤̺̑̊͂̅͌̚g̷̤̦̀͛̎͆͝r̵̦̃͒̽̍͘ǫ̴̢̤̤͉͕̦̲͕̎̔̈́̐̅́̌̒̋͋͜w̵̭̘̬̲̜̗̉̇̆͗̐͒ͅ ̷͙̂͒͌̈́̐̋͐͂͒̈́ų̸̲̊p̸̤̠̞̹̣̺̮͈̐͌̄̑͂̾̍̆̎.̶̯́̾͐͜͝”̶̦͎̗͉͖̌̏̑̾͆̀̌̕͠

Just as the beast sprinted [Name] did the same. He knew there was no way to go— the thing doesn’t seem to get tired easily, and [Name] was more than tired. There was no other choice but to fight— but he couldn’t see how. Running was the only way to gain some time for whatever he could do next. But his mind, filled with terror didn't let him think— he was scared. Scared of not see anyone of his beloved ones again; to not enjoy his usual life with the others. To not see Beatrice again— to not laugh, cry, dream.

He abruptly stop right into a tree and looked behind just to see the beast charging directly at him. [Name] tried to regulate his shaky breathing as his tensed body prepared to move at the exact moment he ordered— and just as the animal was inches to bite him, [Name] shut down his own pain and jerked away just in time for the beast to hit it’s head on the wood, a loud bump echoing the forest. The boy didn’t waste time and ran again, sparing a quick glance behind him to see the animal was grunting and didn’t intend to move.

”̸̭̆̉̄̽̀͜͠͝À̵̖̳̼̙̿̔̍̇̇͛ṱ̴̟̔̽̇͌̐͝ ̵̙̳͊͊̎̄̇̀͌ļ̴͖̥̥̈͆̉̀̈́͝͝ͅȩ̸͙͎͌͘ą̸̨͉̼̳̭͖̩͓̗͒̈́̾̔s̶̝͔̩̟̺̙͇͕͊̉̈͂̋̈́͘ͅt̶̡̯̦̪̫͒͗̆̀̐̓͗͘͠ ̷̩͙̃͋h̶͍̩̩̝̺́̎̓̓̆̈́͝ē̶̘̯͈͉̪͚͓̞̆͑̍͑̓̀́͒͂͜ ̶̖͕̬̤̬͆͌̽͂̀͑̋́̚h̵̢̗̤̩̜̲̼̞͚̎͐̀̚͝ͅã̴͖͚̻͎̰̇̂͊͐s̵̱̳̝̪͕̝̖̎̀͜ ̶̧̡̖͈̞̗̣̼͇̀̾̀͋̑̎̒s̸̛͎̫̮͉̺̖̺̣̀̂̔̏́o̴̧̼̝̭̘͓̭̤̤̊̈́̓̀̆̋̇̕̕̚ͅm̶̧̟̺̱͉̝͍̼̱̂̂̕ê̶̡̡͓̜̼ ̵̧̤͔̦̠̠͆̋͛̋̈́̔̈́͘͠b̵̢͈̫̯̫̀͒̚ȑ̶̠̇̈͑͐͑̓a̶̢̛̻͈͆̒́̎̽i̵͈̻̘͋̈̂̐̽͋͛́ņ̴̥̘̬̭̩̳̎̕s̵̛̲͈͌̓̅ ̶̨̨̛̹͈̟͖͈̯̜̩̈́͊̐̀̐́̋͆̕l̴̛̤̼̘̺̖̗̝̫̹̯̏́͒͌̕͝͠e̶̫͈̥̯̟̋͗́͗f̷͍̯͉͓̠͗̓̈́͌͂̃͝t̶̡̬͍͙͗.̸̟̈́̎͂̈̐̐̀”̸̛̛̜̬̟͕͔̦̪̫͛͒͋̒̈̿͜ͅ

”̸̗͙͇́̂̾̆̆D̵̩̘̍́̎̐͝o̶̯̤͙͉͍̦̪̩̤̥̎͋̓̿̔̑̕ņ̸̨̞̞́͆͑̄͗́̎͊͑̇͜’̸̣͔͍̪̇͆̌̈́̆̀͂̕t̶̳̅̀̈́́̓͂ ̴̜͍̘̏̀̈̓̀͋̎ḇ̷̟̣͍̪͂ĕ̸̟͓̦̩̆̚ ̷̩̈́͛̋͋͒̏͝r̶̞͕̤̂͑̀̽̋̈́͆͌̓̓ú̶͎͓̜͛̉̄͌͒͠ḋ̴̟̜̟͇̳̙̉̇ȩ̷͉̙̳̳͖̖͆̓̀͐̕͝͠!̸̨̛͚͕͚̋͑̋͊͌̔̓͌̄”̶̧̼̹̪̖̱̭͎̟̊͋̀͘͘͝

[Name] tried to get away as much as he could— hoping he could find a weapon to defend himself, yet his erratic state did not let him focus on anything. Whatever he was doing or planning was done when death was breathing on his neck. 

“̷̨̪̣̤̭̱͚̋̐̈́̏͗̕̕̕T̸̜̲̘̬̜̽͐h̵̜̯̯̩͍̄̈́̒͆͌̆͌ỉ̵̞̼̳̥̱̤̫͖̊̂̓͝ͅs̶̢͎͚̞͉͕̳̩̭̬̈́̌̄̆̅̒̋̄ ̸̜̆̈́̀̅̅̂̌͌̚k̷̺̱̪͌̀̇͛͝͝ị̴͇̬̦͗̾̂͂̅̾͑̈͝d̵͍̩͇̍́̿̓̆̉̈͘̕͝…̸̛̰͙̲̘̞̒̇͐̀͛͌ ̸̛̯̗̗͍̞͇̦̈́́͊̈́̉͛̊̇͜͜ą̵̨͆̊̑̄͗r̸͍̰̞̼̼̟̳̆̃̏̔̑̾̊͘͠ę̵̨͍̱̗̮̫͙̲̿̋̒n̵͕̗̯̻̦͓̒̌̉͒̍̎’̴͉̯̣̝̪̞̥͚̫̈́̀͛̈́̽͛̽̂̈t̴̡̩̟̹̼̱̉͒́͑̅́̕ ̷̡̩̣̕w̸͚̪͛̍̉̑͒̽́ͅe̷̛̪̳̬̲̳̱̬̒͒̀͗͆́̃͠͠ ̶̢̟̮̲̲̥͕̠̒̿̌t̷͓̓͛͛̔͝r̷̡͈̹̙͑͛̄̔̕a̷̢̗̼̫̼͇͛̈̐͌̐̉͐ͅỉ̶̧̺͈̭͍̣̦̳̙̘ņ̵̰̺̏͋̃̂͜i̴͙͊̎̈́n̷̢͔̭͍̥̗̮̊ͅg̴̢̤̮̽ ̴̢̠̼̯̈̐̍̈́͗̒̅̍̓̌ḩ̷̧̛̳͚̼͎̹̃̀̆͛̃̇i̵͔̱͎̊͒̃̽̈́̉̎͐̾̚m̵̛̩̲̘̻͗̊̈́̀͂̚̕͠ ̴̧̼̪̟̰͚͚̝̖̣͗̈́͒t̴̡̛̬̖͕͈͎̬̳̊̀͊̌͜ͅo̷̭̞̩͐̍͐̾̇̎̊̍͘͝ ̷̙̫̆͋́͋̽͂ọ̶͖͚͊v̴̨̰̝̦͈͓̣̜̈́̎̿̋͗͊̍̇̓̚ė̵̱̗̝̖̮̗̹̟̠͈̈̔͑͑̓r̵͉̦̘̼͉͎͇͔̒̇͑̓͑͘͘͘͝ĉ̸̢͇̀̀͛̿͝͝ò̷̧̬̖̖͕͕͉̜̞̲̈́̎̆m̷̧͔͓̩̫̰͇͕͇̀̈͜e̷̡̡̨̮̤̝̱̪̝̐́ ̷̨͓̮̯̼͔͂̂͐̐͆͘ͅṣ̸̛̜͚̰͍̻̣͆͒͋͛͊͆͜͠h̶͚͎̐ï̴̢̖͉̘̥̼͌̀̋̾̒̇͒t̷̳̜̝̰̦̍̏̈́͒͠͝ ̷̦̭̅̒̚l̴̛̘̜̇̇́̊̕ḯ̴̞̃͆̈́̑̈́͗͠k̷͈̮͔̮̗͚͙̤̺̈́̈͛̈́̓͒̍̓̌͠e̸̡̹̬̬͎͙͖̩̔̆̾͌́̒̔̏͛̚ ̸̙͉̆́̎̂̀̚t̴̮͗̎͒̋́̿̃͠͝ḥ̴̰͈̠͕̩́̉̋̽̽͌͂̐̾͜ͅi̵̡̖̇̅̃̃̀̓̚͝s̴̢̞̤͗?̴̨̊̒͗̏͒̈́̈́͛”̸̝͈̖͇̊

”̴͉̯̪͉̳̝̺̙́̂̐͛̒̌̓̆́̕ͅF̴̳̳͚̞̠͈̗̦͋̈̌͛̾͋̕o̷̙̙̘̮̠͚͎͔̊́͑̽̋̚͝͠͝r̷̫̝̭̱̹̮͒ ̸̫͈̝̙̈̈́t̴̨̛̖̯̩̠̥͆̇́̐̋͝ͅh̵͓͉͉͑̒i̵̟̓s̷̢̡͚̩̣̙͈̉͆̇̐̎͌̉͆̄ ̴̮̦́̑͋̿ȩ̸̬̱̩̳̖̯̼̬̜͊̿̈́͗x̶̛̞͕̜͕̠̺ͅa̸̢͓͖͔̯̰̪͍̫͒̀͐̀͛̿̃c̷̠̪̬̪̞̹̏̋̄̕t̶̢̲̜͍͈͚̟͇̎̐̅ ̴̡̨̠́́̐̃͆̃̏̾̉̓s̸̡̪͉̭͔̙̦͚̼̈̀̇̾͒i̸̜͇͈̳̻͆̂ͅţ̴̱̗̞̗̜̾̈́̽͌͘͘͝ụ̸̙̬̬̘̹̂̿͊̄͊͗̎͠͝ͅa̷̝̬̻̿̒͂͆͒̂̅̚̚͝t̵̛̘̓͗̽͌̿i̷͙̳̟̙̦̺̽͑͗̍͊̌͋ͅo̴̡̧̧̞̠͉̟̟̯̤͐̀̑̐̊n̴̤̫̟̤͚̑̊ͅ?̵̣̩̻͔̳̳̟̂̇͝ͅ ̸͎̖̲̟̜̫̍̿̇̂̒̐I̶̮̼̝̖̯̺͖̒͒̾̌́̋̌͑͜͝͠ ̵̼̔͌̍̈́͆̔́͒͠t̶̲̥͎̦̦͚̠͔͓̄̇̽̄̍̑̚̕͘͜h̶̡̩̥̩̭̹͌̒͋̊̓̔̕ì̵̼͔̜n̵͖̥͓̠̠͌k̶̨̼̗̹̈̉̇͑̌̅͛́̓ ̵̥̞̼̦̒̅͊̏̅͛̚w̵̘͈͇̼̘͈̲̟̎̑̾̆̕̚ę̶̣̘̾̔̏͝͝ ̶̣̩̣͓̕ḍ̷̫̬̦͇͆̅̿̈́͂̄̓̆̇i̴̧̛̔́d̶̨̛͈̬̆̓̈́̈́́̔̀̕̕n̷͉̯̥̤̲͗̂̓̋̈́͜'̶̛̝̥̞̖̞̦́̑͆̃͌͌͠ͅt̷̐̆͜͝.̶̛̼̮͍̋̆̉̿̎͑”̵̨̺̣̩̉͑̃̐̎̕͠

And just before he knew it those loud steps echoing the forest made his mind crazy again— hearing the thing coming from behind so quickly made him tremble. He was tired; his side hurt like hell and his foot felt as if it was going to snap right there. Yet the adrenaline was what made him unable to focus on anything but to live.

Yet, his inability to focus is what made him not notice a thick, curly tree root pecking out of the ground. Something so simple and harmless is what made him fell straight on his face, and to the hands of his executioner.

He tried to get up as quickly as he could, grabbing what he could desperately. Yet, the beast was already over him, drooling, growling and shaking in anger. With a thunderous cry, the thing jerked itself forward to bite, and before it could have gotten his neck or part of his face, [Name] raised his left arm to protect himself, allowing the creature to bite him there instead.

Sinking pointing teeth trough his flesh, touching what wasn't meant to be touched obliged [name] to let out a loud, shattering cry— the thing’s fangs had already scratched him on his stomach and legs, yet the only thing processing on [Name]’s mind was how his arm hurt that fucking much. He cried, he shouted, he whimpered, yet there was nothing else to do— was his arm going to be teared apart? What could he do to something this big? Tears flowed on his face dirtied with blood, his voice getting higher and higher.

”̴͇͗͌͐̅̀̏̈S̸͖͕̩̫̩͆̌͊̽̔͝t̷͕̜̟̮́̀̄ò̴̢͇͍̇̃̚p̴͇̗̭̂͐͐́́̓ ̵̡̛͇̮̮̓̓͝c̶̖͙̯̠̳͚͈̯̜̓̓͆r̵̢̞͚̜͖̞̐̿̍̿̅̊̀̓y̶͓̼͓̘̳̥̜͘͜͠į̶̢̡̜̩̫̹͚̜̰̓̊͛͌͝ņ̶̙͍̲̱͙̱̃̾̓͆̍͊̅g̴̢̙͖͓̜̏̔̓͛̌̈́͠!̴̻͖̳̟̓̍̀̽̍̽͗͝͠ ̵̺̞͈̗̮̱̺͇̗̅̀͐͆ͅF̷̛̖̜̳̻͔̃̈́̅́̆ͅi̴̥̺̠̯͔͔̻̤̮͓̚͠g̸̦̝̰̦̺͔̔̃̍͒͐̃͘h̸͇͋̒́̾̓̈ẗ̷̩͓̏͐͠!̸͔͓͓̔͗͜”̸̝͇̪̎̚͠

Yet, something clicked— his right hand. It had took something solid and sharp: a quick erratic look fell over his only hope: a rock that would have never been a weapon of choice, but there was no time to be picky. It had a sharp side, pointy enough to cause some harm against a person. But to a beast? No way— but he had to fight. There was no choice.

As the thing bite [Name]’s left arm with all it’s strength, the boy let out a harsh, loud cry as he gripped his hand on the shaped stone and with all his will, encrusted it on the beast’s head multiple times, letting out splashes of blood as he took it out and in. It went all over his face, and it was no longer possible to maintain his eyes open because of it— the beast tightened his grip on his arm, yet [Name] never loss his’ on it’s head. Disgusting sounds of something cracking filled his ears; the mix of pain and adrenaline stopped him to feel anything but anger. This time, he wasn't himself— he was just a vessel for rage at this moment. 

Ì̴̠̤̻̒̇̓̇ ̵̧̯̲͓͕̳̖̻̼̀́̐̈́̊̋͘w̸̢̮̘̞̺̹͑͆̈́͒̎ï̵̭͈͍̰̪̖̑̋͊̌̿͛ͅͅl̴̢̖̬̦̫͈̣̙̂̒͒̉͜͝ļ̸̛͉̭̝̠̳̖͚̔̂̉͝͝͝ͅ ̴̞̜̼͑͌͠͝l̸̡̡̩̮̝̭̳̫͂͊͊͊̌̉͌e̵̢̮̝̯͑̈̃͊̇̑̓̊͜͠n̵͍͗͑̔̕d̴̡̛͓̜̺̦̯̗́̎͊̐̒̒ ̶̧̨̛̝̬̫̻̲̏͜͝a̶̠̺̲̭̽̒́̌̏̋̋̒ͅ ̷̪̼̱̫̠̖̄̑̈͜͜ḧ̵̖̻̦̭̟̭́̋͜a̷̭̯̖̜̺̪̜͇̓̔͋̀̈́̍̕̚n̶̻̣͔̜͈̬̂̀̐͑̕ḏ̴̻̜̙̝͔͚̳̏́̄͠.̸̡̢͙̰̙̟̺̟͇͛̿͆̓̑́̈́͂͋̕

It was then, that something inside [Name] clicked. 

Deep inside he was scared, yet the will to see his friends again; to see Beatrice again, made him overcome that fear and replace it with rage.

He was going to fight— fight for himself, fight for his future. He wasn’t going to die all alone in this forest by the hands of a fucking ugly bear. That wasn’t his story— he promised himself he was going to see the outside; to seek the truth and find himself. He wasn’t going to die. He wasn’t going to let anything take his life away like this. He will see them again. 

H̶͍͛è̷͔ ̵̼́w̶͔̐ḭ̴͛l̸̺̎l̷͙̈́ ̸̩̂s̶̺͗e̴͘ͅe̵̮͋ ̸̗͛M̶̭̅e̴̫̔ï̴͉ḳ̸̐ȩ̴̔ ̸̱̚ä̴̦́ğ̴̯a̸̢̎ĩ̵̞n̸̺̓.̵̮͛

A thunder resonated inside his head, and with a last thrust, the stone went all the way inside it’s head as the sound of it’s broken skull and last gruff cry resonated under the rain. Even after [Name] believed it was dead already, his teeth never loose the grip on his arm. It was the boy’s job to carefully let them out, but that didn’t stop the awful, horrendous pain he felt once the adrenaline disappeared. However he could, he pushed the thing aside and laid there, looking at the cloudy twilight.

Breathing heavily, he closed his eyes. The rain touched his face, not washing completely the dirty scarlet on his flesh. Even if it was cold, the amnesiac boy couldn't help but feel sleepy.

A few minutes of resting didn’t sound that bad right now…

A̴͕̹̿͒̒̚f̵̟̩͆́̐̽̓͜ţ̵̢̹̝̯̓͠ȩ̵̡̥͔̹͓̅̀̑r̵̨̬̦͈̩͂̾̐ ̵̪̈͒̋̀̚ą̵̤͎̆̐̑̽̔͝l̶̛͕̜͂͐ľ̴̗͈͚͉̬̅́̃̎ ̶̣̹̄͒̀ǒ̴̳̻̬͉̥̥f̷̩̟͙͍͑͜ ̸͓̔͊̎̋̓ṯ̵͇̊͜h̷͎͌̾̌̚̕ǎ̸̡͇̤̌̆̚t̸̡̢̳̼̜̼̋̆̐͗͘͝ ̷̧͉̼̺̀̊ÿ̴̢̩̭̺̞́͊̏ō̶͉̪̌̎́u̷͚͆̓͋́̑ ̸̹̓̽̎́̕͠a̶̖̓͛͠r̴͇̦̹͇̊̊̋̔̅ḛ̷͔͖̟̓̎̀͒͝ ̸̪̳͕̌̎̔̓ͅg̶̗̮͆͌̌̐̄ó̴̟̜̳̿͛̕͜ȋ̶̜̑̿͆̓͝n̷͚̊ġ̴̯̲̮̝̺̠́̾ ̵͉̂̐̈́͗͝ͅt̶̨̛̖̱̠̰̂̏̊͠o̵̟͕̣̔̈́̓̋̔ ̷̢̝̉̈́̄͋͘̚ͅs̴̙̖̣͈̆̇͗ĺ̷ͅe̸͓͚͂̇̑̑͐̓ȩ̸̯̒͌p̷̛͖̙̞̘̐̇̓?̴̪̮̮̍͊́̚͝!̸͙̼̐̇̏̿͜ͅ ̷̢̢̬̟͌͝ͅẂ̸͕̝̽͆̍o̵̢̺͉̪̟̣͋̋̓̄̂̑m̸̬͙̠̩̗̑͋͑̔͑͆a̸̜̰̺̿̑͊̚n̵̡͙̹͒!̵̞̂̓̇̕͜ ̴͙̮̂W̶̰̼̬̳͔̌̐a̸̛̝̳͖̾̔̓k̵̭͉͈͖̅͗̐͛ͅe̵̙̭̙͛ ̷̨̫̟͓̫̗͆h̷̺͚̆̈̈̅͠͝i̵͈͠m̵̝̫̌̒͛̂ ̵̢͈͍̝̎̅̒u̴̡̺̙̤̽́͛̈͜p̴̡̺͙̙̱̚!̵̛̥̦̯̰̹͔̈́̌̈́

He was going to fell into darkness, until he heard something.

A whistle.

Opening his eyes, [name] thought of his choices: sleep, hoping to be found? or to suck it up, get up and find whoever was calling for him? This wasn't the time to sleep around— not after such display.

Even if all of his body screamed in pain, the boy got up and with his last strength went to where the sound came from— he knew exactly where it was. Luckily, every time [name] felt he was dozing off or just collapse, the stranger whistled again. Just as he stepped closer, he could hear it— voices, two people walking around, talking about some idiot and another gentle voice saying he was going to be alright.

[name] knew exactly who they were. 

With a last fight, [Name] stepped out of where he was and fell straight to the ground, sighing in relief as he heard the voices of his partners coming for him.

”Holy fucking shit!” The blond exclaimed as his eyes widened in surprise and relief, running where [Name] was, “you are alive— you crazy idiot! What were you thinking running off with that thing like that!? You almost killed me!” He tried to look at every injury the [hair color] haired had, and by just seeing how much blood covered his body turned his tone to one more terrified, “holy shit— holy shit! How are you even standing?!”

”R—Reiner! Calm down, he’s okay!” Bertolt tried to keep his friend with a cold head, but the tall boy felt scared of [name]'s well being. Any of it looked okay— the amnesiac boy looked like he went trough hell and back. He was covered in blood, he was shaking. Bertolt felt fear for him.

”I... handled... it,” [Name] spoke between breaths, tired of today, “I told you... we would find each other,” he smiled tirelessly, closing his eyes.

”H—Hey! Don’t close your eyes!”

But even if [Name] wanted to resist, the darkness caressed him with gentleness, inviting him to give in— which he gladly did. The last thing he recollected was both boys carrying him, speaking to him to not fall asleep.

”I told you he’s strong.”

”He barely made it, don’t act high mighty when he has more to do.”

”Reckless.”

“Oh, hush! He’s alive— that’s what matters.”

"Hmn. But for how long?"

♛

The nurse made it clear he wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon— horrible news for his friends to hear. She had explained his injuries were worse than they thought— his arm was the bigger problem, to the point they thought it was unusable at first glance. Luckily, further inspection discarded such statement, only needing some stitches to all the injuries and a special treatment for his arm. His arms and stomach were the main point of the attack, with his leg being heavily bruised. Thankfully [name] was unconscious for all the process to not interrupt the process.

Unfortunately, there was no more to do until he woke up, an answer they didn’t have. The boy fell into a slumber where nobody could wake him up. Sometimes the nurse, who was in charge of him most of the time, said he would grunt or say some slurred words. This could be caused by the fever that appeared the next day of his arrival, complicating his health. The head doctor didn't sugarcoat his words and stated he could or could not wake up, if only he didn't succumb to the fever any more.

There where times when his friends would visit him, but the doctor had strictly stated only one person could everyday— the man was surprised as he always saw someone else everyday. The majority always asked for him to wake up and be together again, yet each one of them asked with different tones. Some were upset, others careless —as if they knew he would wake up— and sometimes, he heard a happy voice telling the boy they would wait for him.

Now that he recollected, those two were best friend but yet, they were much different— what was it? Jaeger and his friend... Arlert. The doctor had a memory of how miserable Jaeger looked, taking Knight's hand as if it was the last time he would see him. He could tell the boy needed to cry, but hold his ground, just saying that he 'didn't want to go through this again'. And there was cadet Arlert, who only time he looked upset was the first encounter he had with Knight. Then for his next visits he often wore a sweet smile, holding Knight's hand as he spoke about wondering lands they didn't know— about what they did for today, about a memory they once shared. He liked to bring books to read at loud, too.

And then, there was this other boy— the doctor heard his name once, when someone was calling for him outside: Jean. A look of anger sometimes overcome his features, voicing his irritation about what his friend had done. There was a time where the boy asked the doctor if he was going to die or not, perhaps in a heat moment where he didn't want to wonder any longer. The answer was that, for him, it was unlikely yet not impossible. Jean just grunted, returning to his crossing arms stance with his usual frown. There were times where Jean could only stare at him, not saying a word. But there were other times when he could walk all over the room, until the doctor had to tell him to sit down or leave.

Sometimes, a black haired girl came too. Wearing a sad expression, yet firm voice. She always asked if there was something she could help them with whatever they needed for [name]. "We'll wait for you anytime, [name]. Even if it takes some time," she tries to reassured to the sleeping boy, yet a sigh escapes her lips, "...I cannot say the same for Eren, tough. You are making him the kid he was when you fell sick," she takes his hand, rubbing with her thumb his palm, "you know he has no patience at all... [name], please don't go where we can't reach. I miss you." and just like many times before leaving, she kissed his hand with gentleness.

Eventually Shadis came once, checking on the boy and asking if there was going to be something permanent on his health or not. Even if the wounds looked bad, there wasn't any indication of a permanent consequence. Yet if he woke up any time soon, he had to wait for his wounds to heal completely and take out the stitches. The doctor had made it clear he could not participate in any training if he wasn't fully healed. Shadis knew this already, anyway. Both of them acknowledged the rigorous training the ODM could be, and opening wounds was a big no no. The taller man only wondered if [name] could keep up with their training, or if he would decide to quit after such experience. Only them could wonder.

_______

the past.

_______

”You know, your eyes are different.”

”You have said that before.”

”I know. But I’ve never seen something like them before— and then you don’t remember anything…”

”Your point?”

Armin hums, wondering. 

“Maybe you are not even from here! Maybe you are from a place faaaar far away, don’t you think?”

“If I am from far away, how am I here?”

”Well! The books say humanity made the walls at one point, so that means there were people living freely before that!”

The amnesiac hums.

”And maybe, you were from an important family with distinguish features!” the small boy laughs warmly, imagining the past of his friend, “just like Valten’s story! don’t you think the same?”

Of course he remembers Valten— it was one of Armin’s books the two liked to read. It was about Valten, a boy with amnesia who a girl finds unconscious near a lake. Since the boy doesn’t recall any memories, the girl takes him back to her family, who runs a bar in town. His life develops from there, until an accident reveals his birthmark to the royals and finds out he was the lost prince from the royal family.

The moment Armin found out about the book he ran to Beatrice’s house to read it with his friend. From there, the blond always had bright ideas for [Name]’s past, absurd as they were. That was only what they had— wonders and speculations. Children’s wonder about the unknown— about what existed far away from this confinement.

”But why am I the only one with these eyes…?” [Name] spoke quietly, resting his chin on his knees as he hugged his legs.

”Hmn… maybe because you are special! Maybe you are the only one in your family that have them!”

“Mhm…” he sighs.

”But what we do know, is that our answers are outside these walls! Where the sea is!”

That, [Name] could agree with.

”It is said that the sea is much bigger than—!” And there goes his blond friend again, with excitement in his voice and reddened face as he spoke once more about the sea as if it was the first time he did it.

[name] couldn’t help a smile from forming, feeling excitement on his chest as he imagined what the sea looked like.

_____

the ocean.

_____

“As I was saying, child…” the woman stared expectantly, ordering with her tone to listen, “your future is already written. It is your choice to do it willingly, but unfortunately, if you refuse this task… it will be a hard life for you.”

The woman took some sand, just to slip it little by little. Staring, the boy found the sand more interesting than the so important topic at hand. A laughter came out from the woman before a sad, melancholic gaze appeared on her. 

"Be responsible with your strength— there would be times when you are harsher, so be mindful. Be thoughtful; just throwing your rage at your enemies won't help you, child. That is something a couple of our descendants had trouble with in the past, so don't make the same mistake."

"How do you know about them?"

"Because at one point in your life, you will be able to see the past of some of our lineage. And, if there's no mishap, they and I, would help you trough your task."

”Why do I have to do it…?”

”Because there’s nobody else, love… your family— this lineage, is destined to… disappear. It is our curse, since our blood and bodies were used for the wrong purpose— corrupted by greed just for the sake of wanting more.

Something like us weren't meant to exist, and so, time is our biggest enemy. There will be times where you will suffer the throwbacks of our lineage. After all, we are a creation born from ignorance, and greed blinds the common sense.“

”…I don’t understand…”

She chuckles, “sometimes I forgot you are just a child…” looking at the sea in front of them, a sigh escapes her lips, “the ocean… is beautiful, isn’t it?”

The boy’s eyes sparkled with excitement, clearly enjoying the change of subject. “Yes! It is very big and blue!!!”

”Indeed it is,” she smiles, “close your eyes with me, child.”

“Can you hear it? The waves?”

”Yes!” He answered in a hushed tone, smiling.

”The birds… the wind…”

”Yeah.::”

”That’s a gift from the world to you,” she pauses, “if someday you feel like crying— if you cannot find your way, close your eyes and remember this gift. Remember these sounds, this scenery…

remember, that I will always love you.”

____

the present.

____

The amnesiac slowly opens his eyes, body almost numb and hurting. With a migraine incoming, the boy prepared for the worst feeling he was going to experience for the next days.

He let out a groan, alerting the companion on the chair. 

Calling his name, [Name] recognized it was Jean. His worried, loud voice made him headache worse than ever, “s-shit! are you awake?!" the only answer he got was another grunt by [name], who tried to sit down yet he didn't have enough strength to move himself. He felt as if he was... underwater. "don't move! after what you have been trough, don't move an inch, you hear me?! after that shit you did—"

"I saw the ocean," [name] spoke bluntly, staring at the ceiling. It felt too real— a woman he knew but didn't recognize talking about...?

A grunt leaves Jean. "[name], you dream about everything and then—"

"No," [name] interrupted, "I have seen it; it was... vivid."

"...the attack took a toll on you, [name]. Stop talking nonsense,"

Shaking his head, [name] tries his best to sit down, trying to think about the dream. "I think... I think I lived near the ocean— or at least someone I knew lived on the shore..."

"Shore...? [name], you are not listening to me! You have slept for almost three weeks!"

"You are the one who doesn't listen!" [name] talked back, clearly annoyed, "I'm sure the ocean has something to do with me! I just do! Even if all of that was a dream, I..." he looked at his fists with a frown, feeling chaos inside his head, "I know what I saw was real. A woman talked to me on the shore... but I can't reach her words. Something about... me...?"

Jean sighed, annoyed yet understanding. His friend never remembered something about his past back in Trost, so hearing more nonsense than usual leaving his mouth was even more irritating knowing this idiot throw himself to danger like nothing. That was made him livid— he agreed mentally he would hear [name] out, but the lecture he prepared come first.

"Okay, your memories aside," Jean passed a hand trough his hair, "I just want to know WHY DID YOU ALMOST KILL YOURSELF, YOU IDIOT!"

Grunting, [name] laid down harshly again. As he rolled his eyes, he tried to calm his migraine down with no success. "Reiner was in danger. What else could I have done?"

"Uhm, I don't know? Maybe LEAVE REINER WITH THE FUCKING BEAR? The dudes almost a Titan himself, [name]! He could have handled himself just fine! But you HAVE to always be in danger for nothing!"

"How could I left him with that? He's my friend! Would you have done that to Marco?" 

"You have to care for yourself, [name]. I'm seriously saying this."

"Don't act selfish."

"Don't act dumbly. You know you have a problem with your migraines— what would have happen if Reiner didn't find you? Stop acting stupid!"

"But he found me! And now I'm here!" [name] shouted, "Why would I have left him like that!? He's my friend, just like you!"

"Of course fucking not! We are not the same!" he gritted his teeth, "don't even compare me with him!"

[name] glares at Jean, clearly upset. Yet the tone of his voice returns serene again. "Would you have left me there, then? Because I wouldn't have,"

Jean grunted, clearly in disadvantage. “Stop acting like a saint, shit,” covering his face with his hand, the boy’s tone changed into a defeated, tired one, "why are you this clueless? Why can't you see how this place is?" he felt sensible, "why are you so different?"

"…” [Name] stared at the ceiling, a blank but clear sadness overcoming his features, “wish I could know,”

As Jean retreated his body on the back of the chair, a sensible yet pity look fell over his dear friend. Back in Trost, those strange captivating eyes were lost. Jean sometimes imagined looking into a doll’s eyes— an abyss without a light. A dark corridor without exit. There were times he thought his friend was born unable to feel.

But his eyes changed. A harsh change made them sparkier— vivid. It was then, that his sadness, happiness, playful feelings were clearer to catch. 

Jean knew all about it.

His friend was sad when waking up— times where fogging nightmares or nonexistent dreams plagued his mind, making him feel useless.

His friend was happy when eating Beatrice’s breakfast— it reminded him of happier memories he could make instead of trying to reach the past.

His friend was relaxed when sleeping where he wanted— specially inside the woods. A peaceful slumber where Jean wished those times never ended.

His friend was angry when fighting his bullies— Jean always could see that fire in his eyes. It could have been scary, but being [Name], it was never scary.

He only saw tears once. And not those painful tears when headaches came— no. Tears for someone else in his dream; for a person yet to met.

His friend was lost in the world, but at the same time, he wasn't.

Jean sighed, tirelessly blinking. “…a shore, you said?”

Hi, hi! 👋👋 I kept checking back to see if you’ve returned and you have! I’m very happy to see you again. I hope that you’re doing alright and that all is well. Sending you much love! 🥺💙

thank you so much (: i'm doing much better now! and i'm so happy to see you all again with the support of this bad author hehe ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ sending love to!!!!! ଘ(੭´꒳`)°* ੈ‧₊˚ଘ(੭´꒳`)°* ੈ‧₊˚

FLower Curse | 7

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

s i x

Seeing everyone was getting ready with their gear made you anxious. You wanted to go with them— to protect your squad. Sadly, strong orders form the commander made you stay in the barracks.

Surprisingly, you decided to join breakfast this morning. Even if your appetite didn't exist, you sat down with your squad and talked to them until it was time to go.

"You should rest, Squad Leader! You really look sick today..." Tim said, looking worried, "are you taking any medication?"

Letting out an empty laugh, you tried your best to wear a nice smile. "Of course! When you return, I will be better. Your Leader isn't going to be defeated by a stupid cold."

"But it has been one week and you are still sick..." Trisha said, playing with her fingers, "I don't mean to say you look bad but..."

The white haired male, Simon, crossed his arms and frowned. "You look like shit, Leader." The statement made Trisha and Tim look at him in an attempt to stop his comments, but the young male didn't care. "What? It's the truth. You are skinnier, paler, and you have get into fights with the commander and the corporal, and Petra too."

"You don't have to recall all of that, Simon. Our leader is stressed enough of... these conflicts, you don't have to make him more worried." A blond woman interfered, glaring at Simon with her greenish eyes. "We have to comfort him like a good friend would do, no made things worse."

"I'm just stating the truth— come on Elizabeth, you saw how angry he was with Petra yesterday. That throw must have hurt, too." Simon muttered to not grab any attention to the topic of conversation. Sadly, his voice got louder, "You should have seen her after—"

"Stop! This is not helping at all!" Elizabeth slightly raised her voice just to interrupt Simon, which she gladly did, hearing his voice getting louder. "You don't say all of that like it's nothing to our leader! Apologize!"

And just an argument began. You were thankful the mess hall was loud this morning— if it weren't, they would have heard all of what your comrades were saying. Just the table besides you caught attention of your soldiers getting railed up, but they quick dismiss it when they saw your glare.

Tim and Trisha tried to calm them down, but their sweet and low voices didn't made trough. Elizabeth was over protecting with you, and Simon was brutally honest. These two didn't match that well, but their differences were forgotten once they were in battle. But of course, the two could talk normally in one moment and in a second they could be fighting, just like now.

"Alright, that's enough. You both calm down and sit down; everyone is watching you making a fool of yourselves." You finally ordered, rubbing your temples. A headache overcome you, maybe for not eating well yesterday and today— your bad mood was getting through.

Thankfully, the two took the order and sat down, silently glaring at each other.

"Simon is right. I'm not in my best shape right now and..." you passed a hand through your hair, sighing, "I've been in a bad mood, as you could have heard, or even seen."

There was a minute of silence, until Tim broke it with an unsure look. He didn't know if he was alright to ask this, but he did anyway, "Leader... are you sure is just a cold? I mean— I'm not saying you are hiding something or anything, but..."

"Are you saying Squad Leader [Name] is hiding something from us? Something as important as his health?" Trisha asked, muttering to herself.

And just by that, another discussion overcome the topic. But you quickly ended it by the truth— just like yesterday, you decided that the best thing to do was being honest with everyone. Well, just a little honest.

"It's not a cold." You stated, looking at your squad members, which they quickly shut their mouths. Muttering, you proceed, "we... don't know what it is exactly, and I don't know when it will go away."

"What do you mean?" Simon frowned, looking confused, "are you implying that you have an illness? And you hide it from us?" "I did." The soldiers looked at you with wide eyes at your response, Elizabeth, Tim and Trisha looked surprised and taken aback, Simon frowned, looking away. "I didn't know what it was at first... and I still don't exactly know."

"You... don't know?" Simon asked.

"No, we don't know."

"What are the symptoms?" Elizabeth quietly asked.

"I just... throw up a lot and it's hard to breathe." You decided that was the best thing to say—it wasn't exactly a lie, right?

"And no doctors know anything?"

"Nope. No luck." Seeing their faces made you worried— there were just minutes to leave, and they couldn't just go with worrying about something else. They had to stay focused in the expedition, so you quickly tried to fix the mood. "But hey! Erwin and I heard about a doctor in Wall Maria that could help me, maybe we can go after the expedition, come on, don't look at me like that."

Trisha was the first to look at you with spark in her eyes; she was hoping you were telling the truth— after all, they care about you. "A-Are you sure? Do you think he will help you?"

"Are you not telling lies? After all, you just hide an illness from us for one week." Simon bitterly said, averting your gaze. He was hurt, just like everyone else— they were your soldiers under your command, your comrades; your friends.

Ouch. But it was the truth— you fucked up. "I'm sorry; I owe you all an apology for lying to you. But I'm telling the truth; Erwin and I have our hope on that doctor."

Tim tried to light the mood, "That's good, right?! Maybe, maybe we can go with you when we got back!" He smiled.

Trisha quickly joined his joy, "Exactly! We will go when we return, Leader! That's a promise."

You laughed, feeling something warm in your chest. Knowing they cared about you, even when you lied to them, made you feel good. Looking at Elizabeth and Simon, who were still not saying anything, you asked, "could you two forgive me?"

Simon meet your gaze and sighed, "Of course, Leader. Yes, you lied to us, but right now what is important is your health, right? So don't worry."

"Exactly. Yes— we are hurt, but what comes first is your health, Leader. So don't smash your head on your desk for what we think. We care about you." Elizabeth stated, smiling at you.

You felt as if a ton of bricks lifted up from your shoulders— and you just laughed with all your heart. "You guys are the best. You better don't do anything stupid in the expedition, you hear me?" Your squad just laughed, "Of course, Leader..." they said in unison, making you laugh.

"Where are you going to be placed? And who is in charge? Tell me!"

"Calm down, Leader!" Trisha said, raising her hands, "we will be placed in the right flank along with James."

You sighed, feeling relief— Yeah, they will be safe. The right flank usually doesn't encounter that much of a problem. Yes, yes,, they will be safe and sound.

"You know how I hate to break the mood, Leader, but," Simon said, approaching you and muttering, "won't you apologize to Petra? You know, she is hurt, even if she doesn't want to show it..."

Sighing, you knew he was right— what you did was wrong. This morning you thought to apologize to her already, but thanks to everyone coming and leaving like flash you couldn't. Or maybe, you just were making up excuses.

"I will apologize to her after the expedition." You stated, giving a quick look to Levi's table— which you quickly averted when you saw the ravenette looking at you.

"Everyone! It's time."

"That's our que! We have to go, see ya, Leader!" Trisha said, leaving with Tim.

"We will go to that doctor after returning, alright?" Elizabeth stated, before leaving the mess hall.

"Yep, what she said. See ya, cap."

And after that, they all left, along with everyone else. You were alone in the mess hall, looking deeply in thought. Somehow, you didn't notice someone staying— the hand slamming the table made you jump, looking right at the ravenette.

"Levi! The fuck!" you cried out, holding your chest.

"Oi. We will talk after the expedition. No hiding." He said, looking straight at you. You just sighed at replied,

"Yeah, yeah... No more lies..." The reply seemed to satisfy him, because he was already leaving with a smirk. You stopped him before he did, saying, "Hey! If you can... can you make sure they—"

"I'm absolutely sure they can handle themselves just fine. Aren't they your soldiers, [Name]?" He said, furrowing a brow. The question made you laugh— made you feel dumb to be worried about your soldiers being in danger. They know what to do and not do— they will return.

"Of course..."

The ravenette looked at you for more seconds before leaving. You were alone with your thoughts now.

Yes. You will apologize to Petra— she is your friend, you didn't have to snap at her like that.

You will talk to Levi and explain the curse. You will go with your squad to Wall Maria, to go for the doctor. You will apologize to Erwin. You will. Everything will work. ________________________________________ You never felt so bored before— was this how it felt when you were left behind? You felt like shit. The barracks were in absolute silence. You didn't know how much time were you all alone in your office. One hour? Two? How much does an expedition last? Were you outside the walls that long? Never felt like it. You wanted them to come back already, you wanted to be with your squad and protect them here.

Unfortunately, a painful feeling in your chest began to extend itself in your throat, and you knew exactly what it was. You just tensed and throw it all out, meeting with the colorful flowers. You thought you were finished after five flowers, but the feeling of something stuck in your throat made you gag.

It felt like glass coming out from your throat; it hurt. It hurt a lot. You hardly coughed, holding your throat to bear the pain— your eyes were teary, saliva was dripping from your mouth— the fucking flower just didn't want to come out.

Finally, after it seemed like hours, you had to take the flower out of your mouth with your hand— you could feel ripping it from something inside your chest.

The flower came out with a big root. Bigger than the others, at least. There was a lot of blood with it, too. Along with the petals and flowers that came out before this one. Fuck, this doesn't look good.

Throwing the flower to the floor, you tried to catch your breath— your throat was sore and hurt like hell. You could feel something inside your chest, not letting you breath properly. Calming your nerves, you thought the best thing was to get water and then go outside to get some air— yes, that was what you were going to do.

xxxxxxx After drinking some water, you went to the stables, where the horses were kept— and when you came in, you left a sigh of relief when you saw your horse, Nora, all alone.

"Hello, girl. They left you behind too?" Approaching her, you pet her nose, only to get licked by her. "Don't worry, I'm going to stay with you, alright? We both will wait for them here."

You placed a box near her, you sat down and talked to her. Just letting out about all of what was happening lately.

"But, you know, I think I will get better. After they return I'm going to look for Timothy with my squad, and we will know if I can get cured." Hearing her snort, you laughed, "Aw, I wish I could take you with me... but I don't think I can. Will come straight at you with the news, tho!"

Nora quickly began to move, pointing with her noise at the stable's door.

"What, girl? Are they already back?" Paying attention, you could hear the horses, some voices... "Thank you, Nora! Will come back after I see the doctor!" You exclaimed, leaving the stable— you were happy they were back already. There was already sunset, why did they had to take so long?

Whatever! You will find Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth and Simon, but first you will apologize to Petra.

But the state they were in made your heart ache. Your chest tightened— why did they look so grim? Why many of them were injured? What happened? You were sure in the last expeditions there wasn’t anything this bad— yes, you don’t came back joyful but like this…?

Instantly, you approached them, they could see your worried face, and by the looks of them, they didn’t want to tell you something. Where was James? Where was your squad?

“H-Hey! Where is my squad? Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth. Simoon...?" You tried to ask a soldier who just passed you, ashamed, You grunted, going with one of the recent cadets— Kirchstein. "You!"

The boy instantly turned at your direction, sweating when he spotted you. "Squad Leader [Name]..." he could only mutter. Was he going to be the poor bastard who had to tell you the bad news? Fuck.

"Do you know where is my squad? I don't see them." You said, looking at all the soldiers to spot your friends, but no luck.

"It wich flank where they?" Please don't say right flank, don't, don't...

"In the right flank, with James. I don't see him either..."

The blond you didn't spot at first, Armin, who was beside Jean, tensed along with him. They stayed quiet for some seconds, before Jean had the courage to tell you the situation.

"The right flank was completely wiped out, Squad Leader." He gulped, fearing what your reaction could be, "there were no survivors in the right flank."

You felt as something broke. Like a glass shattering on the floor in a million pieces— something you couldn't describe in one word. Something hollow, dark, cold.

The cadets really didn't know what to do, so them both just apologized. Before they could leave, you asked one more thing. "Where's is Levi's squad?"

This time, Armin answered you without looking at you in the eyes. "They are... dead too, Leader..."

"Just... Just how?! A flank wiped out?! Levi's squad?! What happened!?"

"Squad Leader— We—!"

"[Name]." You heard someone call for you— a deep voice. Turning around, you spotted Erwin who was standing there, looking at you with an expression you couldn't decipher. "Come with me." He softly ordered, trying to not get you all hot headed, but sadly, that didn't work at all.

You were furious. You should have been there with them! "They are dead, Erwin!" you cried out, scaring the two cadets who were there by your sudden loud voice. "They are gone forever! I should have been there! I should have, but I didn't, I didn't, I didn't!" you repeatedly said, approaching Erwin and punching him on the chest with your fists wich he only could took.

"[Name], please—"

"No! Shut up! If I was there, I could have protected them! Damn you, Erwin! Why, why, why!" You desperately said, tears coming down. "They are gone... Elizabeth, Tim, Simon, Trisha... We promised..."

"We will go together."

Erwin knew even if you would have been there with them, nothing could have been different. Your current situation wouldn't have let you work things out. He had to said the hard truth, even if it hurt you. "Stop acting like a child, [Name]. Nothing would have been different."

"Stop! And? I should have been with them... I should have..." You muttered the last part, not finishing what he already knew you were going to say.

He sighed and took your wrist, "come with me and stop shouting. Just, calm down until we are at my office, alright?" He gently ordered, looking at you with that soft expression he often showed you. You just eventually gave in, crying and taken by the hand like a child.

--------------

When the door was shut, you instantly cried harder, grabbing Erwin by his jacket and hiding your face on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, caressing your hair. Softly muttering things on your ear, he tried his best to comfort you, but you were broken beyond repair. "I— I can't see them again!" you sobbed, "I couldn't a—apologize t-to Petra! I'm — I'm so sorry!"

He could feel his heart hurt hearing you so broken. Why were you apologizing? "[Name], don't say that. Nobody knew what would have happened, is not your fault. Nothing is your fault."

Crying louder, you just sobbed, saying things Erwin couldn't understand by your sobs. So he just hold you, trying to fix the pieces of the broken glass. You two stayed like that for what seemed hours, until you calmed down and rested your head on Erwin's chest.

"Are you better?" He gently asked, kissing your head with caring. The answer he got was a grunt and loud sniffing, before you broke the hold —that he didn't want to broke at all— and wiped your face with your hands.

"How— How is Levi taking it?" You asked, looking at the floor. You wondered how he was feeling now; maybe just like you.

"He's holding it. Petra's father... talked to him when we returned." He closed his eyes, "Levi is furious, but he knows the feeling too well, [Name]. But that doesn't make it easier..." "But... an entire flank was wiped out. How is that possible?"

Erwin sighed, going to his desk and sitting down. He began to explain what happened to you— the abnormal, or intelligent titan they encounter, how they tried to capture it and failed... You wanted to kill whoever that person inside the titan was— the person who killed your comrades.

"I'm going to see Levi." You stated, but before you could leave, Erwin took your wrist, making you stop.

"[Name], I don't think this would be a good time."

"I have to see him, Erwin. I have to. We have to talk right now." You had to— you could feel something covering your throath slowly. The bad news only made your insides worse— it was harder to breathe.

"But [Name]—"

You interrupting him by freeing your wrist, and said, "We will just talk. Just talk..." and then, you left, leaving him alone in his office.

______________

"Come in."

You slowly opened the door, seeing his miserable state he tried to cover. When he saw you, his expression changed to a grimmest one.

"Funny how now you come to me, [Name]." He bitterly said. Was he trying to joke around?

Nevertheless, you tried to hold yourself together. "I'm sorry for what happened..." You didn't want to say it out loud— you didn't even want to think of it.

He just hummed, closing his eyes. "Me too." Was the only thing he said, before everything fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"About what is happening to me—"

"I seriously don't want to hear you right now, [Name]."

Your heart sinked at the sudden statement — yes, you knew he was hurt, bu so were you! You had to tell him the truth, he had to hear it. "No— but, hear me out, Levi, because I love you I—"

"Stop talking." He interrupted you, standing up, looking at you in bitter. "Get this straight: I will never love you, [Name]. And you know why is that?"

Ouch. That hurt. A lot. That hurt, it hurt, it hurtithurtithurtithurt—

"Because the one I always loved is dead."

Right. He never loved you. What was there to talk about? Why were you trying? You knew this was over the first time you threw up that petal.

You were wrong. Nobody could have helped you wake up from this stupid love trance. So foolish. This was it— you couldn't breathe. Something was not letting you breathe— you had to get out. out out out out out.

You just let the tears flow and flew— straight at your office. You tried to grasp for air, but you couldn't. Your lungs were full with something. You needed help. You were on the floor, trying to rip off your shirt.

Help me. Help me help help helpgelpplessepleaseplaeplasleslap

"[Name], I saw you—" You heard Erwin? coming in, and when he saw the state you were in, he shout and order to a soldier who was walking near, and in a matter of seconds he went to your side. "What is happening, [Name]?!"

You tried to mutter something, "I—I can't breathe..." you felt as if your jacket was suffocating you, "j-jacket..."

He understand you immediately, taking off your jacket, making you slightly better. You could breathe just a little, but you were feeling something growing inside. Slowly taking your lungs, reclaming them...

"You are going to be alright, [Name]. Don't fall asleep, alright? Hange will come and help you." What was there to help? It was too late. Too late.

You painfully smiled at him, tears dripping from your face. You raised your hand and touched his cheek, making him frown and grit his teeth, "thank you... for staying... with me."

He took your hand with his, "don't. Don't say that, [Name]. You will live, don't say anything else."

You just smiled, looking at the ceiling. You could feel how he carried you and laid you on something soft— the couch in your office?

When Erwin turn his head to place you somewhere comfortable, he spotted the flowers laying on the floor. He saw the flower with roots. He didn't want to say it out loud, but he feared of what would happend.

Quickly after that, he heard frantically steps approaching you, instantly opening the door and revealing Hange with her assistant, Moblit. Both of them had worried expressions, and they looked frightened too.

Hange approached you, examinating the problem. Erwin stayed near you, always watching over you. Hange tried everything she could with the help of Moblit, but nothing was working.

"I have nothing else! Nothing is working, Erwin!" She desperately said, looking terrified. "Nothing!" Moblit tried to solve the tension, but he was worried too about what was currently happening. You look at the woman and smiled at her. You take her hand and squished it with the strenght you had left.

"Don't worry, Hange..." You saw her tears flow, looking desperate, you look at Moblit who was at the verge of tears, "don't you worry either, Moblit." He just averted your gaze. You let go of her hand, and looked at the ceiling again, mumbling to yourself, "who is the unluckiest of them all...?" you let out a painful laugh, "it's [Name]..."

A tensed silence overcome after that. You were barely breathing, but you were still alive. But you will be gone soon.

Someone opened the door while talking, "Oi, [Name], I'm sorry I–" but quickly stopped himself when he saw the situation in front of him. "What the fuck is happening?"

Nobody answered. Everyone stayed in silence, not daring to say a word.

"I asked something! Answer!" He desperately shouted, looking at your weak form on the couch. You were so pale, your eyes were glossy... he wanted answers! "Someone answer me!"

"[Name] is dying." Erwin stated, looking coldly at him.

"Why?! He was fine just minutes ago! What happened?!"

Moblit left the room, and Hange was sitting down on a chair near the couch, covering her face with her hand. Erwin was at your side.

"Because he has an illness no one knew about but us."

"Nobody told me shit!? What the fuck?!" He quickly approached your form, trying to talk to you, but Erwin hold him. "Erwin, tell me what is happening is happening to him!"

The blond just glared, "He is like this because he loves you."

The ravenette just dumbfounding looked at the taller man, "Oi, eyebrows, stop joking around and tell me the fucking truth!" he took Erwin by the collar, but before anything could happend you talked.

"He... is telling the truth, Levi." Your voice was getting lower by the minute.

"What kind of bullshit is that?"

"I was trying to tell you... earlier," when you said that, he averted your gaze, ashamed. "I have something that makes me throw up flowers... Hanahaki curse."

"That's not possible, how can I believe that...?" This time Hange interfered, with her red eyes looking at Levi. "It's the truth. Because he loves you, and you don't love him back, something just... bloomed inside his lungs. We didn't believe it at first but now... we do."

Levi stared at you with widening eyes. He couldn't believe the situation; but his friends wouldn't lie like that, right? No, they wouldn't. He just looked at you, and said,

"I'm sorry..." He frowned, holding the tears. Was he going to lose you too? Because he hurt you? He hated himself. He regretted what he said.

You just sweetly smiled at took his hand, "no... need. Not your fault, hmn?" you let out a chuckle, "nobody's fault..."

He kneeled at your side, caressing your cheek. He was unable to cry— even if he hardly wanted to. He muttered his apologies over and over, until you didn't smile anymore.

Finally... You could see them again. Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth, Simon, Petra, Ed, Oulo, Gunther... your comrades smiling at you. Welcoming you. Everything was blurry.

"See you..." you said, before giving your last breath.

Nobody said anything.

Levi was still holding your hand, muttering his apologies.

Hange was crying, trying to hold back her sobs.

Everyone was busy with their feelings, that they didn't notice Erwin coughing, covering his mouth.

Erwin wasn't surprised when he spotted a white petal on his palm.

e n d.

epilogue

REISS MENTAL ASYLUM / １２

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

powerless

１２

“G—Good morning, Erwin,” the assistant spoke in a gentle tone, gulping. He felt just like before— a trapped mice with no escape. He woke up this morning with nothing more but nervousness, fear and anxiety.

”Good morning,” the blond responded with no trouble, staring at him with his usual heavy gaze. As the poor assistant expected, bearing the dominant look wasn’t possible for him, as he preferred to look away in nervousness. Erwin narrowed his eyes by the evasion, but expected such by the same situation they were before, “I believe you know why I called you.”

The boy didn’t want to answer— he stayed late at night trying to figure out anything to take care of Reiner, but he barely protected Eren by whatever punishment he could have received that time. He couldn’t just leave them— It was against his morals, and he knew they didn’t really mean to hurt him like that. It was just... a mistake, something he had to take care of to do his job better. These things happened; it didn't have to be a big deal for him. But for whatever reason it was a huge deal to his coworkers every time something happened to him.

His thoughts were interrupted by Erwin’s voice calling his name, “I’m waiting for your answer,” it was clear he wasn’t happy either— there was no welcoming smile on his face, nothing that [Name] could feel comfort with. The same as before, unfortunately. [Name] knew Erwin wanted answers, something the assistant didn’t want to give. Both of them were visible tensed, one more visible than the other.

It’s not as if he could just lie. Erwin knew about everything beforehand anyway, and he believed telling a lie would be much worse than telling the truth. So, in a defeated, low voice, [name] answered. “...Yes.”

The reaction wasn't immediate. The blue-eyed man observed in such manner it made [name]'s body cringe. Whatever he wanted to find, it was enough to satisfy him. ”Good,” he leaned back on the chair, pleased by the assistant’s cooperation, “tell me what happened. Don’t lie this time, I would appreciate if you didn’t.”

Being under such harsh gaze didn’t make lying possible— it was as if Erwin was watching his every movement. [Name] couldn’t help himself and played with his hands nervously. He didn’t want to be under this interrogation again, but here he was. There had to be something else he could do to evade these situations, but none came to mind. He was stuck, and no miracle would help Reiner nor him out of this.

“Hmn,” [Name] began, playing with a part of his white coat. What could he say? ‘Well, Reiner choke me and almost kills a worker’? No way. “There... was a small problem going on yesterday...”

Blue eyes narrowed. ”Define small.”

[name] gulped. ”Uh... Mr. Braun lost control of himself, and... attacked me and another worker— but the situation was handled!” The assistant tried to finish such horrible statement with an awkward smile. That was the nicest way he could put it— it was the truth, really.

That only made the blond raise an eyebrow, amused by such answer. ”What did he do exactly?”

He cleared his throat. The blond really wanted to get detailed answers. ”He... uhm... strangled me and hit a guard...?” [Name] whispered as he tightened his grip on his coat, “but everything turned okay! So it’s fine!!” The assistant tried to show a careless smile, but the director obviously didn’t give in.

”No, it’s not,” Erwin firmly said, “show me the damage.”

That made [name] freeze. ”B—But—“

”Now.” Surprisingly, Erwin didn’t sound overly mad with the command, but his tone didn’t change it’s authority. [Name] couldn't do anything else but obey— what else could he do? Refuse? The assistant remembered how scary the man could be before. For some reason he seemed to hold back, but [name] know better than push his buttons. A scary Erwin was something [name] wanted to avoid, even now when Vincent told him many workers and patients began their 'irritation' period month.

The bruises quickly formed when he saw himself in the mirror this morning— they looked bad. His whole neck was covered in yellow, green and purple, and they did hurt when they were touched. He didn’t want anyone to see them, but he knew that was not possible. If they reacted they way they did back with the other incident, he didn't looked forward with these bruises. Even if he didn't want to accept it, he knew he was a bit scared about what was coming for his patients. 

With nothing else to say, he carefully pulled his turtle neck down, revealing the nasty bruises covering his neck. He timidly looked at Erwin, who eyes didn’t change. As blue eyes stared at the damage, [Name] tried his best to think about protecting his patient and not be afraid of the repercussions he was going to receive.

”M—Mr. Smith— I would like to ask you to not do anything to Reiner, please. He wasn’t in control of himself, and I’m sure he didn’t mean this to happen. I will—”

The blond quickly interrupted his useless statement. ”Rule #2: if a patient injures a worker, specially their doctor, they will get punishment as we see properly,” the blond spoke, “and as I can appreciate, his punishment is appropriate.”

[Name] shook his head as he spoke, not feeling well about how things were going. “B—But he can’t get punish because of things he can’t control! We are suppose to help them! Not harm them!”

It doesn’t seem Erwin likes what the assistant says, noticing his tensing shoulders and narrowed eyes as he hears such talk.

Erwin was infuriated. These guards were incapable of doing something so simple— so fucking simple. This punishment was something Erwin was going to see at first hand, but he couldn’t see any satisfaction coming out of it. Poor [Name] was already attacked— the damage was done and their incompetence was shown. Seeing that failure harming something as bright as his worker, only made him angry and irritated— this situation was annoying.

Something like that wasn’t going to happen ever again.

”[Name],” he spoke, standing up from his seat, towering him, “I care about your well being— I can’t just ignore what took place yesterday.”

”But—“

”I have not finished talking,” he states with authority, successfully shutting the assistant down with a mere look, “I can’t ignore it this time, nor I would ignore it in the future. This is a serious issue, and it will get resolved as they have always have.” It will. 

[name] pleaded. “But Reiner—“

He slowly approaches [Name], speaking in a firm tone. ”He will get punishment, even if you oppose against it.”

”Please, Erwin!”

Erwin closes his eyes, exhaling slowly. He couldn’t give in to the assistant’s sweet voice, even if he wanted to. He walked around him, as if he was playing. ”You do remember you have something to give me, hmn? After what happened with Jäger?”

”W–Well, but Reiner...”

The blond opens his eyes, trapping [Name] between his arms on the desk by the assistant's surprise. The action made the [hair color] haired flush— their proximity was so close he felt butterflies inside his stomach.

”You can’t just beg me to forgive everyone, [Name]. This is not how this place works,” If you payed me with something else I could reconsider it. “This is needed— it’s for your own protection and good, [Name]. We can’t let anybody doing whatever they want, not caring how many 'pleases' you give me.”

”...I don’t want him to get hurt for something he couldn’t control, Erwin...” [Name] knew this was defeat. Without meaning to, a pout formed on his lips as he fixed a depressive stare on the floor. 

”He knows very well what he does,” he smiled, softly taking a strand of [Name]’s hair, looking at the assistant with fake kindness, “he knows what happens when he does these things, [Name]. It’s not his first time.”

[name] looks at him with a tint of scarlet on his face, trying to put a brave expression. ”C—Can I know what kind of punishment that is?”

”Nothing out of the ordinary— just some kind of things not too harsh.” Why was he so... interested and caring? They were nobody— disgusting things nobody wanted. The doctors only worked here for the money, and no one gave a shit about them. Yes, maybe some 'doctors' came with the 'I can change this place' attitude at first, but they gave in, or just ended with an unlucky fate. But this assistant... was different. He could feel it— he acted as a nuisance, like the others initially were. His caring attitude irritated him: him talking about them with a bright smile was disgusting— just seeing this beautiful assistant preoccupied about those nuisances, was deplorable. 

With a last try, [name] stared at him with pleading eyes. ”Can I at least see it...?”

“Of course you can’t,” he let’s out an amused laugh, “I’m surprised by your dedication to your patients, [Name]. You surely are one of the few workers who try to protect them this much.” Why are you like this?

”It should be normal! I mean— they need help, that’s why I’m here for!” He frowns, “I just... can’t stand the idea of them getting hurt because of my incompetence...” 

”Punishment doesn’t happen because of you. It’s because of their actions, and they sure will know how to cooperate once you see them again. All of this is for your protection, [Name].”

”But I don’t need protection!” Erwin’s amused expression along with his slight touch on his bruises shuts him down, “t—this was just out of my possibilities! There won’t be a next time!!” In all honesty, those marks were embarrassing. They were proof of his horrible work at handling the situation, and he promised to himself that next time was going to flow better— he just needed to see them at first hand to understand the motives of the outbursts. That's what his work was anyway— why were they so... uninterested?

The blond smiled. ”Of course there won’t be. I won’t allow that,” he caressed [name]'s face as if he was a small dog looking for attention. The assistant's eyes semi closed, tensing under the touch. His face redden, and Erwin couldn't resist laughing by such view. He looked adorable. "You sure are something else, [name]. You can go now, thanks for your cooperation,"

As he gets free from the other's touch, [name] shakily whispers a thank you and a see you later before walking away sheepishly. Being touched like that by one of your bosses was something embarrassing— he felt like a dog! Even if he liked being praised by Erwin, he had to be careful to not confuse his real motivations. Liking your boss was unfortunate— [name] believed he was an impossible man, after all. Also, he was... intimidating when he wanted.

”Oh, and about your payment,” he speaks with a kinder smile, making [name] turn at him with a flushed face, “you haven’t forgotten, have you?”

[Name] can only shake his head, too ashamed to talk. Being under the blond's touch was something else— the assistant felt warm and nice, two dangerous things to feel inside this office and for your boss. He didn't feel in control of anything; he almost looked like a small cat being protected and toss around by everybody.

”Good,” he steps back with a smile, “what does a cup of coffee sounds?”

”...Uh?” [Name] blinks, looking at his boss, dumbfounded by the question.

”I know a nice place. Sometimes our workers go there in their free time— nice coffee, too,” he returns to his seat, a pleased expression on his face, “well, it’s not as if you can refuse the offer, hmn?” He spoke with playfulness— like a child who got what he wanted in the end. This opportunity was something he was waiting for, after all; to know more about his favorite worker; to get closer and establish a nice, warm, solid relationship between them. Small steps; [name] was a small kitten he needed to handle to make him understand.

”I—I guess not...” [Name] didn’t expect such offer— well, he didn’t imagine something else. At least he thanked his boss wasn’t a perverted man who took advantage of his workers— [Name] wouldn’t have bear the sight of Erwin being that corrupted. Sighing, he showed a small smile, less stressed than before, “that sounds nice,” Imagining a date with your boss was embarrassing— even more when he was the one in charge of the whole building. [name] didn't know what to expect from this whole ordeal; how should he act? what should he eat? Being around Erwin was embarrassing enough, so being that close to him as a date meant more stress to his poor mental health.

”Fine, then. How does tomorrow sounds?”

。。。。。。。。。。。。

When he went inside his office, he didn’t expect to see Zeke sitting there with a serene yet irritated look on his face. It seemed he was waiting for him, as he wasn’t particularly doing anything but stare at the door in utter silence. [name] wished he wasn't there yet, but he remembered today wasn’t his lucky day at all.

His stare relaxes a little as he sees his precious assistant coming inside. Leaning back on his chair, Zeke speaks with his usual tone, but something is clearly different. “Good morning, [Name].”

The assistant didn’t waste another minute in answering. ”G—Good morning!”

The doctor waits a moment before speaking again, observing [name] every move. ”I tried to look for you yesterday, but it seemed you... left early.”

Again, another interrogation... ”...I did, yes.”

Zeke narrowed his eyes. ”Any explanation as to why? Usually you don’t leave before saying your cutes good byes.”

[Name] doesn’t speak at first. Scratching his hand, he didn't know what to say exactly— he didn't want to talk about the situation, but he knew everybody would make him talk. He didn't like that at all, so he stayed in silence as he stared at the floor with a frown. He had enough of this with Erwin— speaking everything that happens to him is not pleasing, and even if he’s thankful by their worries he doesn’t really need them! ...not that much.

”Anyway— I know what happened yesterday. Actually, I think we all did,” he gets up, approaching [name], “show me.”

[Name] shakes his head. He doesn’t want to— he knew everyone will make their way to see the bruises, but the assistant doesn’t like the idea. Why does everyone wants to see his failures? It only made him feel annoyance and disappointment in himself.

”[Name],” Zeke says his name as if he was speaking to a child.

The assistant complies in the end— he knows better than pushing Zeke's buttons. Pulling his collar down in silence, he looks at the ground to not see what kind of look Zeke has. Good thing— it’s not that the blond is showing an angry expression, but his eyes turn cold as he examines the horrible marks on his assistant.

Merciless and barbaric are the only ways Zeke can think of Reiner’s actions. He already knows [Name] didn’t get his way on Erwin to forgive the warrior— it’s painfully obvious. It could be almost two weeks until they fade away, possibly three. 

At least he is somehow thankful [Name] is still here with him, and didn’t had the same fate others workers had. Who knows what would have happened.

"No matter how many times I tell you, you can't stay out of trouble," he speaks in annoyance, "I can't leave you alone at all, it seems,"

"This was just an accident, sir! Reiner wasn't in control of himself!"

"Of course he wasn't, and he'll never be," he pinches the bridge of his nose, "accident? he knew very well what he was doing— how can you be this blind? Or do you perhaps fake ignorance for some strange reason?"

"I'm not faking anything!" he accidentally raises his voice, clearly upset by how his boss was talking about their patient, "I care about him like I do with others! ...Why—Why does this have to be a big deal when I get hurt...?"

"Why? Because you are my assistant, [name]. And I won't allow someone like them hurting someone like you."

"...Like them? T-They are human just like me, sir," [name] spoke with a firm tone, "They need our help, and if I get hurt in the process of helping them, then it shouldn't be a big of a deal every time I do...!"

"You really don't get it, do you?" the blond was irritated. Annoyed, upset, angered— his assistant clearly was someone much different than anyone in this disgusting place, wasn't he? Caring? Help? This place was filled by corruptness and vileness— there was no real help here; there never was, "you won't change anything about them. They will remain the same, we are just here to help them stay out of the trouble they cause in the world, [name]. Simple as that,"

It felt as if [name]'s hopes and dreams were shattered once for all. Hearing those horrible words coming out of his' boss mouth was awful and upsetting. [name] did believe in change; why nobody could see that? This place was like a Limbo to the patients; never going out? Taking their freedom forever? Yes, they caused horrible things, but [name] believed in change. He was here to help. "...I can help... I know I can,"

Stubborn as always. If he didn't like him that much, Zeke would have already throw him into the upper floors for his flesh to be teared away into pieces. But no, that wasn't allowed to happen— his assistant had to be with him at all costs, even if he was this obstinate. In fact, Zeke believed in change too. "You sure are a magnet of trouble— do you think being just a beginner, without any acknowledge, can change anything? This place is not a playground. And, if you don't remember, you were hired to be my assistant, not an independent doctor doing whatever he wants. So you go by my orders, even if you like them or not. So, if I order you something, you will do what I say. Understood?"

[name] tightly gripped his hands, embarrassed and ashamed. It was obvious he didn't like being scolded nor have conflict with his superiors; but no matter what, it seemed he always caused trouble for his boss.

"I said, understood?"

"...Yes, sir..." he answered with a sad tone, staring at the floor with a frown.

Gritting his teeth, the doctor didn't like one a bit how this was going. But this punch of reality was needed, even if it hurt his poor, little assistant's feelings. He had to see it was pointless— they were a waste of their time, and nobody could change who they really were. Sighing, the blond caressed a strand of [name]'s hair, "do you think I like scolding you? You are a capable adult— why do I need to be in your toes every time I leave you alone? You should know better than this— they are not children."

Hearing Zeke made [name] so ashamed— he felt as if he was a child again. "I—I didn't mean this to happen... I just wanted to help, sir..." He bit his lower lip, feeling horrible about the whole thing. He didn't feel comfort with Zeke's touch, knowing very well how he truly thought.

"You have to do as I say, kätzchen," he sighs, "I can't follow you everywhere to clean your mess— you are getting me in trouble with Erwin. You don't want that, do you?"

"O—Of course not, Zeke! That's not what I intent by any means!"

"Doesn't look like it, boy," Zeke sighs, leaving [name]'s hair to pass a hand trough his face, "alright— now that this is out of the way, I must tell you Reiner will face consequences, even if you don't want to. I guess Erwin spoke to you?"

[name] nodded, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"Very well. That will be all in the matter, then—"

”W-Wait! I just wish to know if he’s alright? I hit him really hard...” [Name] was horribly worried about Reiner. If that hit knocked him out, then it was obviously an injury, “I—I didn’t mean to hurt him like that! Really!”

Zeke lets out a snort. “You think a simple chair would kill that beast? Haven’t you imagined the things he has gone trough?”

”H—He’s not a beast! He’s a person!” [Name] frowned, staring at Zeke with a glint of sadness and desperation in his eyes. No matter what other people said about them, he would always think different about his patients, “you shouldn’t talk about them like that, sir— they feel just like us,”

Zeke sighs. “No matter how many times I tell you, you won’t understand. It seems you need to see something going horribly to trust me they have no future,” narrowing his eyes, the man sighed deeply in exasperation.

”They do have one! We just have to guide them, sir! But I can handle all of that,” [Name] shows a toothy smile, “that’s why I’m here!!”

This talk had made [name] open his eyes with who he worked with. It seemed not only Zeke, but others thought like him— he couldn't deny the eyes of his coworkers when he talked about his patients; the pity stares thrown at him. And then, there was Hanji's comments said back then; about them being 'her experiments'. Remembering these small things, made [name] realize he was the only one trying to solve something unsolvable.

It seemed this place wasn't what he imagined.

"What's with that face, kätzchen?"

[Name] didn't know if playing dumb was a good thing. "Uh— nothing! Just remembered I didn't bring my lunch again..."

Zeke narrowed his eyes at his assistant, clearly unsure about his explanation. [name]'s lips pressed in a thin line, trying to not see him in the eyes.

In the end, the doctor scratched his ear with a boring look.

"...What a clumsy assistant I have."

。。。。。。。。。。。。

"As always, I'm behind the glass observing everything. Whatever may happen the guards are outside," Zeke explained once more, giving a dark look at the familiar guard outside the room— Vincent, who tried to suppress a smirk by the usual stares he got lately.

"Okay! No need to worry, everything will be fine!" [name] smiled proudly and nodded at Vincent as he received a wink in return, before entering the room. The last thing he heard behind him was a 'sure thing' from Zeke.

“Hello, Connie!” [name]'s cheerful voice echoed trough the room, making him cringe a little by the dead silence the room was filled in.

”I heard what happened,” said Connie, with what seemed a mocky smile plastered on his face. He looked like a child who knew your dirty secret and was ready to blackmail.

[Name] blinks, before sitting down. ”You did?” It seemed not only workers gossiped, but patients did too. News sure fly fast here.

”Eren and now Reiner? It’s surprising how you are still alive,” the patient rest the side of his face on his palm, looking at the assistant with a smirk, "maybe you are cursed,"

”That’s... comforting,” [name] knew those encounters were dangerous. He didn't want to believe it at first, but seeing how things worked here... it sure was something that made him unable to sleep at night. Quite terrifying. It felt as if you saw your friendly neighbor in the news because he was a serial killer for three years. He shivered.

”I thought he would break you like a twig! I don’t want to say that I'm amazed, because you haven’t seen anything yet.”

[Name] was curious about the experiences inside the asylum— realizing he didn’t know almost anything about where he was working, maybe some small questions drifting out of the main topic wouldn’t be that bad.

”Could you explain how it can get worse, Connie?”

”Much worse, obviously. Hadn’t they said anything to you?” He laughs, “useless much?”

“...Haven’t heard a single thing. Would you mind?” [Name] tits his head, showing a small smile. He knew Zeke would be commenting something about this question later.

The boy gets quiet, not interested in the topic anymore. "Nope, since it doesn't have to do anything with me," he chuckles, "let's talk about something better— me!"

...I wish to hear about what he had to say about it. But since Zeke is hearing everything, it seems I can’t do much about it. “I agree— today is for the two of us, as planned,” the assistant smiles slightly, “how are we feeling today? Has something happened lately?”

”I’m doing as great as always,” he shows a toothy smile, “the other day I won an uno game! Jean was a dumbass that couldn’t beat me— such a bad loser!” 

Connie’s laugh resonates the room. “Uhu hu— experienced uno player? That sounds dangerous! I would love to play with all of you some time. I’m sure you have fun games,”

Connie shrugs, “Meh— there’s always bad losers. One time Reiner threw a chair at Armin and he got a concussion because of it,” he grins as he remembers, “but— ohoho! Eren didn’t let him go! Reiner got the beating of his life, doc! Reiner is even scared of Eren since then! Can you believe such big guy scared of that crazy emo dude? Incredible, if you ask me!”

...Beating? “That doesn’t sound good— but please, Connie, none of you are crazy so don’t use such words to describe others. Don’t perceive others the way you don’t want to be perceived, okay?”

”Blah, Blah, don’t care. They don’t matter to me anyways— not worth the time,” he rolls his eyes, clearly displeased by the assistant’s words.

“Since they are not worth the time I give them, you are not, either?”

”...Ah? What are you saying?” Connie’s eyes narrowed, clearly unhappy about whatever nonsense [Name] was saying. 

”We all are equal, so we should get the same respect— that’s the most important thing as humans, don’t you think?”

”It seems you haven’t gotten something clear, doctor,” Connie rest his back on the chair, staring at [Name] with a blank, yet uncomfortable stare, “the thing is, we are not human anymore. We lost that right a long time ago.”

[Name] frowns. “That’s not true— you are human. You feel just like anybody; you think, you act, you live, don’t you? So, if someday told you were not human anymore that is a horrible lie.”

“Seems you are not aware. That’s surprising,” he yawns, his expression clearing, “I must say you are interesting. Even when you know everything I can do, you behave like a hero! But surprise, there were plenty before you! So don’t feel special.”

”That’s not what I intent.”

”—Anyways! The other day I played pocker with the others. Guess who won? Of course—”

”—Armin?”

Connie blinks dumbfounded, clearly irritated by the interruption. Nevertheless, he quickly answers with a glare. ”...?! Of course fucking not! It was me!”

For a couple of seconds, Connie resembled a child— a kid who pouted when things didn’t go his way. But [Name] saw trough that, and those furious eyes resembled a beast rumbling in the shadows, scared of being caught. [name] knew winning was a facade— he didn't win the games.

"Armin is a nobody— he doesn't matter at all. He doesn't even do anything! Useless as always," he looks irritated, "I don't know how Eren can even be in the same room with that good for nothing..."

[Name] blinks in a frown, displeased by the rude statement. Hearing such degradation of someone was not a good thing to hear, and [name] never felt comfortable hearing gossip back then. Unfortunately, he had to act professionally and not get controlled by his emotions. This place was different than in high school.

"...Perhaps you see yourself the way you see others," [name] whispered more to himself than for Connie, writing down on his clipboard. Of course, this didn't go unnoticed by the patient. Who frowned and narrowed his eyes at the assistant.

"As if! What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Just thinking loudly, Mr. Springer. Maybe change will come when you acknowledge who you are, and accept that mistakes happen..." he hums, "just like you didn't win the game— that's alright, you know? Sometimes—"

"Shut the fuck up! Shut up!" the patient slammed his hands on the table, standing up with a furious expression plastered on his face. He gritted his teeth as he glared at the assistant like an animal; clearly, he was furious, "I didn't lose that stupid game! What the hell are you talking about!"

”Perhaps we should play a game to test your high skill, don't you think?" [name] tilted his head, liking his own idea. He surely had a plan for the game he was interested to evaluate.

Hearing this, Connie crossed his arm as he rested on the back of the chair. Narrowing his eyes, the patient tapped his forearm with his index finger, trying to observe any anomaly the assistant could have. It seemed games were one of his interests, as his furious demeanor disappeared quickly. "Why so sudden?"

"Well... sometimes is nice to play with someone with experience, don't you think? I love uno, so I don't see the problem,"

The patient considered the idea. To [Name], it didn’t seem done by any harm— the card game could be an experience to know more about Connie before doing anything. After a cold, heavy stare, Connie answered with a careless, mocking tone. "...Alright. Prepare to lose, you stupid fuck."

[name] chuckled, amused. "That's nice. But first, I have to ask permission to my superiors to play. Then, our next session will focus on some games."

"Blah, blah. Hey!" Connie suddenly turned his head at the glass, surprising [name] by the outburst. "you sick useless piece of shit! You WILL approve this game, if not, you are a FUCKER!"

That's totally not helping, Connie... Well, now the permission was going to be harder to get. "Maybe if we ask in another way we can get the green light."

"They don't deserve to be talked another way, doc. You reeaaaally are a dumb idiot to believe in these fuckers," Connie grinned at [name]'s stupidity. He lift up the middle finger at Zeke, who [name] could feel the stare he must have been giving, "well, looks like you are just a clueless rat... that's just funnier,"

At first, [Name] could have believed his word because of the thought of Connie despising the treatment— something somehow normal. An usual reason to shit talk your doctors… nevertheless, this time was different. Zeke’s talk made him realize doctor weren’t benevolent— weren’t understanding. [Name] didn’t know if all of them where like this; but even Erwin didn’t have compassion for anybody.

Knowing he was being monitored just as Connie, [Name] didn’t say a thing about the manner. It wasn’t as if he could gossip with his patients, anyway.

The next talks weren’t as much of impactful— just the usual “how do you feel?”, “what activities help you?”, “how is the medicine helping you?” Of course, Connie did little to nothing to answer them, but the last question. He only stated they made him sleepier than usual, even causing him some pain in his hands. [Name] noted this with bolder letters, not trying to forget to change them if possible. First, an examination and diagnosis would be needed on his part if authorized. Then, an investigation about what could pill would be better for him without damaging his health would be enough. If everything went the way he wanted, anyways.

"Looks like it's your time to be the dog," Connie said as he heard a bell ringing, "surprisingly you weren't such an boring shit like last time."

"I appreciate your compliments, Mr. Springer,"

"I will applaud you if you get here next time— who knows who else wants to know you."

Before [name] could reply, a tapping on the other side of the glass made him say his goodbyes and leave.

。。。。。。。。。。。。

"Interesting session you just had," was the first thing Zeke could let out after witnessing such session. It was only time [name] wanted to do "schooling" to them. Idiotic. As he walked trough the hall with the guards behind, he snorted by how ridiculous this assistant was.

"Mr. Zeke, please forgive Connie! He just talks without thinking, so please understand him!" [name] tried to reason, embarrassed by the behavior as tried to keep up with his boss.

Zeke exhaled from his nose, perhaps irritated by the Mister, or the excuses his assistant was giving. "Connie, loves to denigrate others. Understanding is not a choice," there was a twitch on his eye, "and good luck asking me for permission for your little experiment,"

"Sir..." [name]'s face instantly saddened, not expecting such harsh act. "It's to know Connie better! Please, your permission is important to help him!”

"I have told you before. You won't change a thing, even if you do more than a hundred experiments,"

"I won't think negatively— it's their future. How can they be better if I don’t even have hope with what I do? It’s unbelievable!” [Name] shook his head, “this is not what I signed for… this is inhumane!”

“Perhaps it’s time to accept the real world, kätzchen,” he scratched his ear, “going around playing hero is not a good idea,”

[Name] could not feel exasperation at such thing— he was disappointed. “I’m not playing hero! I’m just trying to do my job, which is suppose to help others… Just, please, Mister! Give me the permission and you will see I can help them!”

Zeke only stopped his walking to stare at him with a clouded look. As if he was examining— observing. There was silence, the only source of sound being the chatter of others doctors in the hall. [Name]’s body felt heavy; his hands turned into fists by the anxiety and slight fear his mind and body fell in. A simple stare leaving him unable to breathe— he didn’t want to know how his bad side could look like. How did these men shut him off with a simple look?

Then, the blond turned to normal in a blink. Humming, Zeke rearranged his glasses carelessly, answering with a bored tone. “I’ll allow it,” before [Name] could celebrate his green light, Zeke interrupted him with his hand, “but with one small condition,”

[name] blinked dumbfounded. “…yes?”

”When you met Erwin, I want you to say something to him,” [name] couldn't see his eyes clearly— the lights of the hall reflecting on his glasses prevented him from doing so.

”…okay—! I’m listening!”

”You will say, straight to the eye, without stutter…” There was a smirk, missing it could have been easy if he wasn't paying close attention.

”Hmn?”

  ”Fuck off.”

.

.

.

”Ok—?! WHAT?!” [Name] stared horrified, “I can’t do that! Absolutely not! You will kill me!”

”You will do that, no objections. Also, I will know if you don’t do it. I assure you,” There seemed to be a ghost of a cruel smile on his face.

”I can’t do that, Zeke! That’s atrocious! Can’t I do something else!?” [name] could feel his whole body tense by just imagining doing such atrocious and embarrassing thing. Was he back to school without knowing? Who even where these people?

The doctor couldn't stop his chuckle, amused by the situation. If his dear assistant was going to be asking for permission, the he had the perfect excuse to make him do the things he wanted. After all, if such patients were so dear to him, then making him do stupid things as this was making him understand how much was worth wasting his time in such persons. ”Not this time. Perhaps I will think of something else next time,”

”Next time?! I don’t want to think about next time…” [name] facepalmed, already feeling sick. This... was not good. At all. He was only asking for something so simple as playing cards— why was Zeke making him a fool of himself in front of Erwin? With what purpose? He was only going to dig his own grave if this was current occurrence. "I don't understand, why would you make me do something like that?"

"Why not? This place needs fun every once in a while,"

"By making me the fool? That's not fair," [name] wasn't any pleased by being the one ruining his chances here.

"Perhaps I can be more forgiving next time," he didn't look at him, "sorry, kätzchen. This one is a selfish one of mine,"

"Not fair..." [name] could only frown at the ground, feeling betrayed and humiliated already. This wasn't funny for him at all— being used for such things was low. Just because he wanted to treat his patients like human beings? Uncalled for!

"This place isn't," the blond put his hands in his pockets, "but don't look too sad, [name]. Remember you are doing this for your patients— isn't that worth it?"

Those words only made him see trough Zeke's real intentions— of why he was being used as a joke tool. To use him to do such stupid, unfunny thing. Just because he wanted to play nice. [name] didn't want to hate— it was too much. But this... was unfair. Why was he being such a cruel person? If this was the easy 'condition', [name] wasn't ready of what was coming next. The thought made him frown in disgust.

[name] wants to reply, but then a mixture of whimper and yell is heard, along with meaningless shouting. The assistant looks back only to see an horrifying scene— a patient stabbing a doctor countless of times without any mercy. There's a fierce expression on his face— anger. And was he... smiling? 

[Name]'s whole body froze in shock by the sight. Crimson dirtying the white walls and ground of the hall, dirtying the people around— there are many shouts, cries and gasps. But [name] can only stand there, tensed as a rock, with terrified eyes opened like plates staring at the uncontrollable patient stabbing over and over who seemed to be a doctor. He couldn't even see where was he even stabbed— blood covered almost all of his body.

There was laughter— patients were around.

Guards who were already around ran to the patient, but it seemed he wasn't done doing a scene. Finishing his last act, he looked at everyone like an animal, until finishing his contest with [name]. The assistant flinched by meeting such... vile, dark stare. They were void of life, yet he could assure the man was living the best time of his life. Pupils dilated, a toothy grin, shaking body... what was making him alive was the adrenaline.

Then, he trow something— what he had on his hand. [Name] could only stare in horror.

W—What did he...?

"Look out!" Without doubt or thoughts in his mind, Vincent wrapped his arms around [name] and forced both of them on the ground, missing the flying knife just in time. The object graved on the wall with a loud and sharp sound, luckily not injuring anybody with how quickly and hard  was thrown.

[name]'s heart beats fast while he tightly closed his eyes, frightened. He gripped Vincent's clothes tightly, not sure if moving was a right choice. This time, the poor assistant doesn't know what to do; what to think. He leaves to Vincent that task.

Another guard immediately took the patient by the wrists and pinned him down, receiving yells and a fight from him. The unknown patient trashed around, trying to get free from the hold, thankfully not succeeding.

"How in THE FUCK does a patient got a knife?!" the blond furiously exclaimed, "first of all— who does this thing belongs to?"

Ignoring Zeke's yells, Vincent sat, guiding [name] to do so. The frightened assistant opened his eyes, shifting his stare to the wall where the knife resided. Then, to the doctor who was stabbed, laying on the floor. [name] could only hear his whimpers and grunts. There was so much blood... he felt sick on his stomach, almost wanting to gag. 

If it wasn't for Vincent, he too would be on the floor, agonizing.

"You okay?" Vincent softly asked, grabbing [name]'s face with his hands, looking worried. [Name] just nodded, out of it. The guard tried to avert [Name]’s attention from the horrible scene— there was a lot of blood on the floor surrounding the doctor. Vincent could feel the assistant’s terror, and as best as he could he tried to calm him down with a softer voice, “that’s nice— okay? Let’s get up— can you stand?”

As [Name] tried to, the terror he felt made him frozen in fear. He couldn’t move properly— his hands and legs were shaking horribly. Vincent, seeing his bad state, helped him stand by wrapping an arm around him tightly. "Breathe. Like this," the guard made an example, making [name] to look at him,"let's do it together, okay? One, two...."

The assistant tried to do his best, shakily exhaling and inhaling. He wasn't doing a good job, but Vincent seemed satisfied with it. "Good, [name], very good. Don't stop, ok? Let’s go to the infirmary to check on you,” he talked with such smile it made [name] calm a little bit. It was reassuring and Vincent felt so... safe. [name] couldn't stop himself and grabbed part of Vincent's uniform, closing the gap between them. He smelled like coffee, somehow working for [name] to escape the stench of blood filling the hall.

"[name]!" Zeke came into the picture, looking... irritated? "how are you? Let's go to the infirmary to properly check on you,"

Vincent didn't mean to, but moved [name] a little bit behind him, away from Zeke. “I can get him there, doctor.”

“Didn’t ask you to. Do you know first auxiliary? Are you a doctor? A nurse? I think not.” He glared, “I will get [Name], so if you may—“

[name] interrupted with a low, shaky voice, barely audible. “I–I think... I prefer V-Vincent getting me there, M—Mr. Jäger...”

“What?” Zeke narrowed his eyes, not liking this at all.

“He—He—“ [Name] tried to speak, “his company will help m–me a–a lot, right now...” he held Vincent’s clothes tightly, clearly not wanting to let go.

Zeke clenched his jaw, his unsatisfaction clearly showing. His assistant, his precious assistant, preferred being at the dirty hands of this man? Why? 

[Name] did notice the terrifying glare Zeke was giving, because he tried to hide like a child from his mother’s lectures behind Vincent’s back. The guard could feel the tension and the murderous aura the blond doctor showed, and the best thing to do, was leaving.

“Well then, Dr. [Last Name] and I will leave to the infirmary. Thanks for your preoccupation, but I will notify you of Dr. [Last Name] state until we finish.” Vincent carefully choose his words and spoke in a serious tone, not giving in under Zeke’s murderous glare. The guard knew this sudden change wasn’t just for disobeying orders— the doctor made it clear he disliked discipline, but there was a feeling on Vincent’s guts that said this was much more different.

Even when they were already leaving, Vincent could feel the glare on his back. It was until they were out of sight he sighed in relief.

“S–Sorry for getting you into trouble...” [name] didn't look at him, but at the floor.

“Everything for you, darling.” He kissed his forehead, showing his childish grin.

Back at the hall, Zeke could only watch in disgust as that guard left with what was his assistant. Dark thoughts filled his mind, not stopping any of it. Hatred is what he feels for that man— disgust is another. How and when did [name] got close to him? And under his nose...? Hmn.

Useless things need to be disposed.

"SAWNEY!" A familiar female voice shouted, followed with a shaky one. Zeke could not get more annoyed now realizing who this thing belonged to.

"W-Wait, Dr. Hanji!" Hanji's assistant, Moblit, quickly followed her behind. His expression of horror formed at the sight of what happened.

"Oh my! What did you do, my Sawney...?" Hanji spoke with a fake, sad voice. Kneeling beside him, she tried to approach him but the guards, as they looked at her in disgust, prevented her touch. "Let me hold my baby! He didn't mean to!"

The blond doctor stared at such display in annoyance— a normal occurrence with this crazy idiot when her things went out of control.

He needed a cigarette. 

But, as he was leaving, an authoritarian, harsh voice silence the hall instantly. A simple command that made all but him shiver and close their mouths like children who know what they did wrong. Zeke was amused, but not surprised by the sudden appearance of Erwin— after all, he was always observing.

He almost pity Hanji for what was coming for her. Almost.

Before leaving, a quick look at Erwin's passive aggressive expression was enough to almost make him snort, if he wasn't aware of his own set of feelings overcoming his mind.

  "Hanji Zoë. In my office right now."

。。。。。。。。。。。。

"Okay! It seems everything's in order!" Vincent showed a small smile, putting away a semi-wet napkin already dirtied in red. Cleaning away some blood that got on [name]'s face was nicely done, but unfortunately, some of it got on his coat. He hoped [name] didn't notice, but he knew the assistant was aware, "how are you feeling?"

Taking his time, [name] wasn't sure of what to say. Witnessing an attack like that wasn't everyday occurrence for him— something simple as yelling from his patients shook him enough, but watching with his own eyes how someone was deprived of life like that... it marked him. Just remembering how disgusting the place smelled, the amount of blood approaching his feet was enough to make him hastily grab the small trash can besides him and vomit. He felt Vincent's hand pat his back in an attempt of comfort, and he was thankful. 

Vincent hurriedly took a cup of water and gave it to him when [name] finished. The assistant couldn't met his gaze because of his embarrassment, but took it nevertheless. After washing his mouth the best he could, he tried to not see the mess he did to whoever that trash can belonged to. Feeling Vincent's hands on his shoulders, gently caressing him, made him feel a bit better about the whole thing tough— at least he wasn't alone.

"...Thank you," [name] said with a gruffly voice, sighing tiredly.

Nightmares were guaranteed tonight.

"It's nothing," Vincent let out a huff, "you have the right to get it all out, okay? Witnessing such thing is hard, so don't be hard on yourself,"

[name] knew, but he couldn't stop himself from asking such absurd question. "Is he...?"

Looked like Vincent didn't want to answer that question— his lips pressed in a thin line, a frown forming on his face. "...Most likely. That was... a lot," even if he had to see outburst in a daily basis, that didn't mean death was present in all of them. Seeing someone taking the life out of someone else in such rage... it always made Vincent afraid, "hopefully you don't have to... witness something like that again. To think a patient had a knife... I have no clue on how did he got his hands on that,"

[name] didn't either. Weren't they watched everyday at every hour? He didn't feel that safe anymore— perhaps paranoia would be a long companion in the next few weeks.

"What you did... thank you," [name] squeezed the guard's hand, his shoulders touching. [name] was a person who needed touch when he was in a bad state mentally— just the act of holding hands and staying at each other side was enough to calm him down. He liked Vincent, his presence did help him stay his cool, and he didn't say rude things about his wrong doings. "If it weren't for you I... m-maybe—!"

"Hey, hey," he hold his hand, caressing it with his thumb, "I was there to protect you, wasn't I? Didn't I promised you? I know you are scared, but remember I'm always looking out for you. Nothing will ever happen to you while I'm here, alright? It's valid to be unsure and afraid, but be sure I will be there."

Hearing such words, [name] let out a big sigh he didn't realize he was holding. It was reassuring hearing him promise something like that in a place like this— it made him feel... safe. Unconsciously, [name] rested his head on Vincent's shoulder. Closing his eyes, he grabbed tightly the guard's hand, as if fearing he would go. 

The guard squeezed back with a redden face. He looked away in embarrassment by the proximity, but didn't say anything.

A comfortable silence meet the room— but just like always, nothing was ever quiet here.

”[Name].” A voice is present, and both males look at the door to see Mike and Levi, who are staring intently at both of them with cryptic eyes. 

“H—Hi, Mike, Levi!” [name] quickly let go of Vincent's hands and left his side slightly by moving a bit further away. Vincent felt a bit upset by that, but understood. He also stood up without a word, leaving a bit of space between all of them.

There's silence. The ravenette approaches him, levi takes his chin and raises it slightly, wanting to see the harsh marks more clearly. They are greenish and purplish— and he can see how [Name] tenses at the slightest movement on his neck. 

Anger is not the word he can describe his emotions— rage? fury? He doesn’t know, but what he knows is that seeing those marks is surely infuriating. They looked disgusting, yet pleasing. He only wanted to hear [name] quiver and whimper by his touch— to remind him of his incompetence and naivety.

“What a deja vù,” Mike says— It certainly was. The only difference was the gravity of the attack, which was quite big. He asks worriedly, “do you feel alright?”

The assistant didn’t waste time in responding. “Of course I am!!! I’m totally fine, it was just a big scare!” Laughing nervously, [Name] tries to ease the tension; but not even him takes comfort in his words. His body tensed, his hands shook.

”Of course you are,” Levi says without believing him, touching a little bit the bruises. The assistant jumps by the pain and gasps, and the guard doesn’t keep his mouth shut by the cruel act.

”Hey! Please be careful, Mr. Ackerman,” Vincent doesn’t hold himself and speaks without thinking, yanking [Name] to him with a protector stance, “Dr. [Last Name] is not alright, even if he says so. Touching his bruises is not needed,”

Levi narrows his eyes at him, glaring in disgust, “you think I don’t know that, filthy guard? We all know this inept assistant can’t stop himself in going into trouble— and lying about something we all can see is fucking idiotic.”

”I believe Dr. [Last Name] doesn't want to hear such things in his state, Mr. Ackerman. Please, have empathy.”

[name] gets up, trying to ease the whole thing. ”N—No—! It’s okay, Vincent. It’s— it’s the truth. I’m being useless by going into trouble. I should know how to handle these things, I’m sorry.”

It was then that Levi caught a glimpse of red on his coat. How disgusting. "Looks like you get into whatever mess you can," he sent a short look at the blood, crossing his arms. Maybe it was because there were more people in the room, maybe it was his repulsion, but he did stopped himself from giving [name] a piece of his mind. He wanted to say how unable he was of taking care of himself; how utterly weak he would always be, "always needing someone to clean your shit. How disappointing," 

"And what now? A guard sticking his nose where it doesn't belong?" he sent a glare to Vincent, who didn't have a problem holding the stare contest, "know your place. You are here to work, so get out and work, before I take this shitty job away from you."

He is really angry... [name] thought. He gave a slow nod at Vincent, knowing he wouldn't leave easily if he didn't respond. Nevertheless, he knew the guard wasn't satisfied at all, noticing how annoyed he looked.

"Understood, sir. Have a nice day," he said before leaving, almost talking trough his teeth. [Name] felt bad being the one causing all of this, but he really couldn't do anything.

"That isn't going to come out easily," Mike signaled the stains, looking a them with a frown. [name] stared at them too, lost in thought.

"...Yeah, I know," well, he was already imagining himself trying to wash this tonight. Good thing he wasn't that close, but the mere thought of someone's else blood on his clothes made him ill again. "Wish me luck, tough," he showed a weak smile, trying to ease himself.

Levi just stared with a frown, not understanding his pathetic display. He looked pitiful— his hands shook, he was pale as fuck, his hair had become a mess, his coat had blood, his bruises made him look like he was out of his mind, and yet, that pathetic, miserable smile was enough to annoy him. That stupid smile that made him look like... his usual idiotic careless self. What made him, him. 

"You look like you are going to faint," Mike plainly stated, making [name] sit down once again. "I think you should go home already— I will notify Erwin so there's no need to worry."

"I-It's alright, I don't feel that bad!" just the idea of leaving job unfinished made him feel even worse. He had work to do! Even if he saw someone d...die... "I-I can just stop wearing my coat for t-today—" the images of the doctor on the ground surrounded by thick blood didn't make him feel less ill. He covered his mouth as he retched, breathing a bit erratically to stop himself of throwing up again. Mike's hand guided his head to look at the ceiling, saying it was not good to look down.

"Yeah, I don't think so," he touched [name]'s forehead, humming, "I think you are going to get sick, [name]."

"S-Sick...? But I can't! I have too much to do! I refuse to be sick!!!"

"Not something you have a say, I'm afraid."

"I refuse, Mike!!!"

"What a brat, talking to his elders like that," Levi could not just silence himself at such childish demeanor. 

"Ah—!! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it that way!!"

The air seemed to lighten a bit, thankfully. Mike chuckled, loving this side of [name]. It was a nice change around this place— he looked pretty cute, too. A smile he wanted to protect. "Anyways, jokes aside, you really don't look good. And I know you don't feel good, so for the best you should call it a day."

"Give me that," Levi gestured the coat in disgust, "I will take care of it. I know you will not do shit to those stains, and you will look disgusting if your lazy ass leave them. So give that shit to me and for my sake, will clean that."

"W-What?! You can't do that!" [name] shook his head with a redden face, "I--I can do it, sir! T-There's no—"

"I didn't ask you, brat. Give it to me before I tore it out of you," with this, [name] couldn't just say no. He obeyed, like a good boy. Thankfully it wasn't that bad, but the stains were noticeable, so they needed to be gone. Of course, someone like [name] didn't know how to clean the blood out of fabrics, but Levi did. "And yes, you indeed look like shit."

"But how can I just leave...?"

"There's a front door."

"Hahaha... not funny..."

"I believe Levi here will accompany you there, since I'm going to notify Erwin of your absence for today and tomorrow. So don't bash your head because of that," Mike stated, getting some strands off of [name]'s face, gently caressing his forehead, "and I believe you are not strong enough right now to walk by yourself. So give yourself some care and obey."

"Nice. More unnecessary work, fucking tree."

。。。。。。。。。。。。

While the two walked trough the building, [name] could not stop feeling bad about making Levi do things he shouldn't be doing in the first place. He looked down in misery, pouting. "I'm sorry, sir... I didn't mean this to happen."

Levi just stared ahead with his neutral yet annoyed face. "Me neither,"

As they finally got to the entrance, [name] showed an apologetic smile. "Well, thank you for your help! We will see—"

"What the hell are you rambling about?" Levi narrowed his eyes, "you think you are capable of walking in this shitty state? I thought you could think with that head of yours, but actually I didn't."

[name] blinked, confused. "Uh?"

"I'm giving you a ride, brat. What else?" Levi stated as if was obvious, letting out a low I'm not that kind of bastard. He opened the doors to leave, [name] following behind him.

This time [name] felt even worse. "B-But that's just too much! I'm fine to walk! Really!"

"I'm just going to ignore your rambling and get to the car. I advice you to do the same." He said with a harsh tone, done with the whole ordeal. "or should I wait for you to faint and get you inside,"

"I... I'm sorry you have to do all of this,"

"Christ, you are making it sound like this is hell," he raised an eyebrow at this, "making a big deal out of this... ridiculous. Just get in the car."

But [name] didn't. He stood there, looking at the ground in shame. His whole day was already ruined to begin with, but this was the icing on the cake. He felt utterly worthless, and relying on others is what made him more upset. He didn't mean this, really.

Nevertheless, even if Levi wanted to say he was being a dumbass, he could see how upsetting [name] was getting. He looked like he was going to cry, for fuck sake. Sighing, he prepared his next words to finish this whole ordeal, relaxing his shoulders."Look," [name] slightly raised his head, looking like a child, "I'm doing this because I want to. Like hell I'm going to be following someone's else orders, even less if they are from that ugly tree. You do look like shit, and I'm not..." he stopped himself, unsure, but kept going, "I'm not going to be satisfied until I sent you home myself, alright? So stop giving me that st-- that look, and get in the damn car."

[name] blinked, once again. This was... one of the first time Levi was being honest with him— and he did noticed how he held himself back to appear less... harsh. Sometimes, [name] believed Levi saw him as a nuisance. But this... made him think otherwise. Perhaps Levi only said rude things to him but didn't mean them that much. Nevertheless, he felt lighter with this confession, or to be precise, he felt a bit happier. His smile was genuine this time, Levi could tell. "...Okay."

This brat... making me say shit like this. Thankfully, the ride was filled with comfortable silence— [name] fell asleep quickly, and Levi was content enough.

So cute...

this is the best timeline

no thoughts, just the aot sanrio collab