palomalittlep
En soledad me encontraste en soledad vas a dejarme Aceptamos el amor que creemos merecer
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Latest Posts by palomalittlep
River Ride 🐇🐇🌿
Reject reading social cues!! Embrace collecting personal intel via the mycorrhizal network that connect us all.
The Emily Wilde series by @heather_fawcett is such a charming series!
I loved it so much! I specially liked Emily's love for shadow, her dog😭❤️❤️
Wendell's wedding present had me shedding real tears!!
Anyways, I wanted to do art for them before I go back into my crate :)
i died like 5 years ago my body just kept going
T-shirt design I'm fucking with, based on an excerpt from "Wild Peaches" by Elinor Wylie.
Day 28 - The only one
Darkling x Reader
Kinktober prompt - Day 28 - Teasing
All prompts are taken from @the-purity-pen‘s Kinktober List!
Warnings: allusion to sex, teasing
Seguir leyendo
Ancient / Mythology aesthetic
Hades & Persephone AU
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Hi! Can you do a what it would be like to date Billy Russo/Darkling/Logan Delos/any other of Ben's characters post?
Hi! Of course, thank you for asking 😊 this got a little more fic like than I intended 😳
I think it's pretty gender neutral overall (except with the Darkling and his Tsaritsa)
Dating the Darkling / Billy Russo / Logan Delos / Caspian / +Sirius Black (because why not? 😇😈😉)
note: I have not seen much of Westworld so I'm making a lot of assumptions about Logan
• Billy Russo masterlist • Main Masterlist • Moodboards masterlist •
Dating the Darkling
The biggest problem with him (from a matchmaking point of view) is his immortality.
I don't think he would even entertain the idea of being with someone who's not as powerful as he is or doesn't have the potential to be. He has seen enough people die to learn to not get attached to mortals.
When he realises he found his equal, he fights tooth and nail to get them. It's not necessarily love at that point, more like a desperate fixation, rooted in fear of being alone forever.
He charms you effortlessly.
Yes, he manipulates and lies or tells half-truths when it suits him but he means no harm with that (at least not to you).
Slowly he starts to truly fall in love and lets his guard down, so much so that fragments of the truth slip here and there and his Milaya starts to put the pieces together.
When his secret is out and he gets confronted he kinda guilts you into giving him another opportunity with things like "Would you have given me a chance if you knew?" and "I was so afraid to lose the only light in my life after so many years of darkness."
He makes promises to you that he's not sure he can keep
He is crafty and diabolical if he needs to be but seducing you (even more) takes all his efforts because you are on your guard now.
It takes a long time to get you to trust him again but he is patient and after all, you have all the time in the world.
He feels a weird excitement in corrupting you ever so slowly until you fall for his charms again.
He seals the deal as soon as he knows he has you.
Aleksander marries you a week within the proposal.
A few years go by and you get stronger than ever. Together.
You mature over this time and you see through your husband more and more but the war also hardens you and you start to see things his way, meanwhile, he gets a teeny tiny bit softer (in his old age - you joke) but that all fades away in a moment if anyone threatens you or puts you in harm's way.
The Tsar's last mistake is to try to assassinate you when he begins to fear your husband's power and influence.
Aleksander starts a war for you.
He planned this for a long time but wasn't prepared to care for you or for your life to be threatened like this.
So all his carefully planned strategies go out the window and he uses his power to claim the throne.
His darkness consumes him and he makes some bad decisions but for the second time since you met him, you drag him out of the shadows and this time you take your place beside him as his equal.
His Milaya becomes his Tsaritsa.
Aleksander never tries to control you again and you find your way back to the freedom you never realised you've lost.
Your relationship changes after that.
No more fear or darkness, no more pointless deaths for your kind. You lead your people to a better future and stay on the throne with Aleksander for many centuries.
People come and go in your life but he is constant, always there for you as you are for him.
It takes a toll on you though and you wonder how he managed to live so long without going completely insane.
That thought led you to bond with him even more, he learned to be completely honest with you (when it mattered, a little white lie never hurt anyone).
After you've created your prospering nation, you founded the basics of an equal society where the people would govern and chose their own fate.
You retired from people, tired of watching them wither away and lived your happily ever after with Aleksander, secluded from most of the world but happy that you never have to fear losing him.
Dating Billy Russo
Billy doesn't want to let anyone close to him, at the same time (deep down) he is yearning for love, appreciation and acceptance but he has issues™ so I don't think he could get involved in a real relationship with any of his flings.
You start out as acquaintances. Maybe you meet via your job or a common friend. The attraction is there and he flirts, oh he flirts but nothing comes of it for a while.
Let's be honest, you'd have to be at least a little fucked up to have a chance with him. Like calls to like but hopefully you are different enough to balance the crazy and get something good out of it.
He'd go for someone who is a challenge for him and you develop this bickering, flirting mess of a friendship.
But it would take a lot more for him to let his walls down. Oh who am I kidding, he never would, not consciously.
He was abandoned and hurt too much to let even a crack in on his fortress of walls around his heart but eventually, you manage to sneak a peek of the real him here and there.
It's during your first really nasty argument that he realises likes you likes you.
You call on his bullshit. Maybe he was lying to you or a jealous fit of rage came over you and you'd throw all your frustration at him, unintentionally revealing how much you know the real Billy behind all that facade and just how much you care for him.
The argument turns into angry sex. He kisses you like his life depends on it. It's wild and rough and everything you dreamed but you chicken out the morning after and leave before he wakes up.
He is pissed and determined. No way you have a chance against Billy Russo on a mission. He wants you and he's gonna get you.
You avoid him like plague, asking advice from Frank on how to handle Billy but you only get a laugh and a 'Good luck with that'
You decide to hide at Matt's place for a few days but it's the worst you could do because Billy was always jealous of your relationship with your lawyer friend.
So Billy finds you in no time. He just marches in beside Matt, who is holding the door wide open for him with a barely contained grin, and Billy cups your cheeks, smashes an aggressive kiss on your lips then simply bends down and throws you over his shoulder, taking you down to his car like it's an everyday thing to do while your protests are left ignored.
You try to talk to him, apologize, reason with him but he is just fuming in silence all the way to his home.
It's when you ask if you could just forget it happened and go on as you did before that gets him to react.
He's still angry with you, but you don't flinch when quickly grabs you by your neck. You know he would never hurt you. He doesn't say anything for a while, then his hand sneaks to your nape and he rests his forehead on yours, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.
When he collected himself a bit, he looks into your eyes and says the one thing he never thought he would say to anyone. Ever.
Those three words take your breath away, you only notice you are crying when he wipes your tears away.
You make love all night long, not willing to let go of the other.
He wakes you up with caresses and kisses, has his way with you in the shower again and makes you promise you would meet him at his office after work.
Billy arranges a date at a fancy restaurant. You enjoy the night but you convince him there is no need for any of the fuss. You agree that this feels fake and you'd rather want something real, a relationship on your own terms.
For the next few days, you're only home to get a change of clothes and it's not even a week after that that Billy convinces you to move in with him.
It's fast and it's crazy but it works and both of you are happy.
The thing is, if Billy Russo truly loves someone it's bordering on unhealthy obsession, he is prepared to give them anything and everything and is desperate to keep his love by his side.
He spoils you, still, you have a hard time getting used to it but it always warms your heart to see how happy he is when he can do it so you make a deal to let you return the attention.
He is just as uncomfortable with it as you were but you slowly start to develop something that resembles a healthy relationship and it's more than either of you imagined you would ever have.
He still keeps some secrets but he trusts you with his heart.
Frank often jokes that you stole his best friend, and in a way it's true. Billy has a connection with him, a brotherly bond but most of the time he still has his walls up with Frank, not with you though.
You get to see Billy Russo for who he is and he only loves you more for accepting every single wicked part of him.
Dating Logan Delos
It's a slow, slow, slow, slow burn
A spoiled, rich little bastard with issues™ like Logan would also be hooked on someone who turns his advances down at first, who can't be charmed with money or his ridiculously handsome face and boyishly charming smile.
He takes you to Westworld with an 'I can't wait to see who you are when you let go'
Logan is really disappointed when you decide to dress like a cowboy instead of a hooker which he vocalises more than once
You say you get on a dress like that if he can last the rest of the time here without sex
He really contemplates going into that wager but he'd rather try to get into your pants here than in the outside world so he passes up the opportunity
And he really tries
This is work, not vacation time. You remind him every so often when he wants to tempt you to do something fun.
When he says something really offending after a couple of days, like how much of a stuck up bitch you are
Your response is something among the lines of 'Why? Should I just fuck and drink all day long like you? I can't see how's that different from what you do outside.
It's a challenge and he wants to prove you wrong
He lets William drag you on an adventure but you part ways with his soon to be brother in law when he finds the girl and wants to play hero
You really don't like any of this? Never wanted to shoot anyone? He asks out of a sudden when you are about to play bandits.
I can think of one. You answer with less animosity than usual and he takes it as a good sign even though you just threatened him
You start to play the game more like Logan. You play like there are no consequences and it's kinda nice to let out your frustration
When you meet William again it gets ugly because Logan is determined to pull his not friend out of his delusion
After Logan cuts the girl to demonstrate how unreal she is, you tell him to let it go because you can see William is still holding on to that belief and it kinda freaks you out
You don't see Logan for a while after you return from Westworld
You are invited to the party where William gets the company and all the credit for his insight into the deal about Westworld
It pisses you off and you look for Logan but he is not at the party
When you find him he is in a really low place, he's drunk and taking drugs and he is so out of it you are pretty sure he doesn't know where is he
You take him home and wait until he sobers up
Do you know what I hate about you the most?
Fuck, why don't you kick into the man when is on the ground?
I hate that you have everything you need to be what I know you dream to be and you still waste your life like this.
You reach out to take the glass of whiskey from him and he gives it to you with a teary-eyed look that breaks your heart
He sleeps in your bed that night and stays with you for a while
You help him stay sober
and help plan how to take back his father's company, you are both ruthless businessmen after all and it's kind of fun
When he gets what he wants it doesn't feel like a victory though
And it takes a while for him to realise he doesn't want any of it but he's not gonna throw away what you both worked hard for
That's the thought that breaks the news for him that he wants you, not for a night, or for a few occasions but for as long as you'd put up with him
For the first time in his life, he doesn't know how to approach someone he is interested in
He figures he will go the safe route and involve you in business
Late nights and business dinners, lunch and even breakfast meetings involved where you talk work about less and less
It's you who make the first move
After a long night you spend at his office you invite him for a drink when he takes you home
He sleeps in your bed like that first time you took him in
Logan wakes up before you and gently caresses your cheek to wake you up
Thank you. When he sees your confused expression he elaborates. For not giving up on me.
You don't answer, you just kiss him.
He is frozen and you panic but it only takes a few more moments for him to register what happened and he pulls you back to another kiss.
It's surprisingly gentle, just like the rest of the morning when he explores you and slowly makes love to you.
Neither of you acknowledges in words what happened or that you are in a relationship. It's an unspoken rule to leave it all unspoken.
Behind your confident facade, you are both insecure and this all feels too fragile. You are both afraid to ruin it.
The fear fades away but after that, you don't need to put your feelings into words or give your relationship a label.
You become so intuned to the other that it feels unnecessary.
It's not after a long time when you say out loud that you love him and it's not a romantic confession either.
He tries to make amends with his father but he gets home really broken and refuses to speak about it. You let him finish his drink, then you take the glass from him and settle in his lap.
Enveloping his face in your palms you wordlessly ask for his attention.
Whatever he said he is wrong. Logan argues that you don't know how the conversation went but you say you have a pretty good idea.
Fuck him. You don't need him. If he can't see how much you are worth and how you've grown then he is not worth a single second of your time. I know it's not the same as having a family but I love you and I'm here for you.
You don't even realise you've said it and his gaze darts to yours with an unreadable expression so you panic again like the first time you kissed him but he silences your doubts with the most passionate and desperate kiss you ever shared.
I love you. Logan says when he pulls away. You are my family now.
Dating Caspian
Whether it's love at first sight or an engagement alliance he would treat you the same, with kindness and respect.
Caspian would try to get to know you first so don't expect more than a kiss on your hand for a while.
He would compliment you but couldn't take one without blushing which you find amusing.
After losing your (nonexistent) patience you would be the one to kiss him first to see his reaction.
First, just on his cheek as a goodbye and you glance back at him to see the blush, the stunned look and the cute smile as he touches the spot your lips met his skin.
Then you get bold and steal a kiss, it's really just a peck on his lips but it changes things. He leans in and captures you in a less appropriate kiss that leaves you breathless and blushing.
You are there for him when he has a difficult day and spend most of your free time with him.
You ask him to teach you how to fight and take you with him on his adventures. He is hesitant but you prove to be a quick study and quick on your feet in dangerous situations.
Caspian finds you in the library or the gardens each day and lays his head in your lap to enjoy your calming presence as you let him rest and brush his hair until he falls asleep.
You often stay like that for hours, not minding anything as long as you can be with him.
After one of these sessions extends into late at night he insists on escorting you to your room. As you kiss goodbye it gets more heated and you both get carried away.
That is the first time you get more intimate than an unmarried couple should.
He sneaks out of your room each night and you both yearn for the secrecy to be unnecessary but you try not to get your mood down.
If you are not of his world then he dreads the moment you have to say goodbye but you are determined to enjoy every moment you can while you are still there.
If he is about to lose you he is ready to fight even Aslan to be able to be with you. Given the choice, you abandon everything you know and stay with him in Narnia.
He marries you after a few months of knowing you.
You do your best to learn everything a queen should know and you are always by his side if he needs you.
Not once in your many years of marriage do you regret choosing to be with him. There are hard times but you are always there for the other so nothing ever seems hopeless.
Narnia lived its Golden Age under your rule and your love became a legend, the kind that every girl dreams about where you find your soulmate and live happily after with the love of your life.
Dating Sirius Black
Pretty boy is a mischievous womanizer so to get his attention and turn it into something permanent requires the 'no factor' again
Maybe you are Slytherin and he just hates you in principal, maybe you are a forbidden fruit as one of his friend's sibling or you are just shy and can't deal with his flirty nature at all.
Whatever 'the problem' is, it just screams no to him which results in Sirius doing anything but backing down
Despite being really smart he is somewhat a dumbass when it comes to relationships
He does all the wrong things, says some stupid things that he wishes he could take back.
The enemies to lovers situation get really nasty before feelings are revealed
After a failed attempt to charm you, he goes to sulk in some secluded location and you happen to stumble upon him. After an awkward moment of silence, you ask why he keeps pestering you and it just slips out without thinking: Because I'm in love with you
You are shocked, to say the least. He takes advantage of your frozen state and struts all the way to you, cups your cheeks and practically begs you to say something
Not able to find the words, you just pull him down by his collar and smash a kiss on those perfect lips of his.
You make out for long minutes then he pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. Be mine? - he asks.
I'm already yours. You answer easily before you go on to continue where you left off and you can feel him grin into the kiss.
Dating Sirius is a roller coaster.
His friends find it hilarious that you can make Siri blush, they soon get you involved in their jokes and you are almost one of the boys
He gets you involved in some of his tricks. You argue over his bullying Snape and you are terrified for him when you find out what he does on the nights of the full moon.
If you want to become an animagus he'll try to help you but he also keeps teasing you whenever he can throughout the process
Doesn't matter what you turn into, there will be jokes about it.
You study together but he doesn't really need it and after a few times when he gets annoying because he is bored you make your own little corner of a world with Undetectable Extension Charm
He's the one to suggest making the Marauder's Map because he is annoyed that he cannot find your hiding place.
It takes a while to figure it out even with the map
It's not often that you let him in there but you share the Room of Requirement more often after that
You break up every so often but it usually doesn't last long before you are back together like nothing happened.
The only time your relationship is in real trouble is when you insist that he should talk to someone about how his parents treat him. He knows you want the best for him but it is a sensitive subject so this time the argument and the breakup lasts longer.
He really hurts you when you see him with someone else and he knows it but for some reason he wants to hurt you because he is hurt, his friends can't take that either and pull an intervention where (after a lot of yelling and a short fistfight) Sirius tells them what's going on.
That's just before the summer he moves in with the Potters.
He writes to you every day. The distance and the honest conversation helps but you are still wary, it's not until you meet again that it gets resolved.
When you go back to school and come face-to-face with him, it's like nothing matters anymore. You jump into his arms and shush him when he apologizes again and again.
Your relationship is not perfect, you still argue but it's nothing serious. You love each other and made a pact to never part in anger so even when things get heated and you don't have time to discuss it, the last words you say to the other before you go on your separate ways are that I love you.
• Billy Russo masterlist • Main Masterlist • Moodboards masterlist •
Hi! Can you do a what it would be like to date Billy Russo/Darkling/Logan Delos/any other of Ben's characters post?
Hi! Of course, thank you for asking 😊 this got a little more fic like than I intended 😳
I think it's pretty gender neutral overall (except with the Darkling and his Tsaritsa)
Dating the Darkling / Billy Russo / Logan Delos / Caspian / +Sirius Black (because why not? 😇😈😉)
note: I have not seen much of Westworld so I'm making a lot of assumptions about Logan
• Billy Russo masterlist • Main Masterlist • Moodboards masterlist •
Dating the Darkling
The biggest problem with him (from a matchmaking point of view) is his immortality.
I don't think he would even entertain the idea of being with someone who's not as powerful as he is or doesn't have the potential to be. He has seen enough people die to learn to not get attached to mortals.
When he realises he found his equal, he fights tooth and nail to get them. It's not necessarily love at that point, more like a desperate fixation, rooted in fear of being alone forever.
He charms you effortlessly.
Yes, he manipulates and lies or tells half-truths when it suits him but he means no harm with that (at least not to you).
Slowly he starts to truly fall in love and lets his guard down, so much so that fragments of the truth slip here and there and his Milaya starts to put the pieces together.
When his secret is out and he gets confronted he kinda guilts you into giving him another opportunity with things like "Would you have given me a chance if you knew?" and "I was so afraid to lose the only light in my life after so many years of darkness."
He makes promises to you that he's not sure he can keep
He is crafty and diabolical if he needs to be but seducing you (even more) takes all his efforts because you are on your guard now.
It takes a long time to get you to trust him again but he is patient and after all, you have all the time in the world.
He feels a weird excitement in corrupting you ever so slowly until you fall for his charms again.
He seals the deal as soon as he knows he has you.
Aleksander marries you a week within the proposal.
A few years go by and you get stronger than ever. Together.
You mature over this time and you see through your husband more and more but the war also hardens you and you start to see things his way, meanwhile, he gets a teeny tiny bit softer (in his old age - you joke) but that all fades away in a moment if anyone threatens you or puts you in harm's way.
The Tsar's last mistake is to try to assassinate you when he begins to fear your husband's power and influence.
Aleksander starts a war for you.
He planned this for a long time but wasn't prepared to care for you or for your life to be threatened like this.
So all his carefully planned strategies go out the window and he uses his power to claim the throne.
His darkness consumes him and he makes some bad decisions but for the second time since you met him, you drag him out of the shadows and this time you take your place beside him as his equal.
His Milaya becomes his Tsaritsa.
Aleksander never tries to control you again and you find your way back to the freedom you never realised you've lost.
Your relationship changes after that.
No more fear or darkness, no more pointless deaths for your kind. You lead your people to a better future and stay on the throne with Aleksander for many centuries.
People come and go in your life but he is constant, always there for you as you are for him.
It takes a toll on you though and you wonder how he managed to live so long without going completely insane.
That thought led you to bond with him even more, he learned to be completely honest with you (when it mattered, a little white lie never hurt anyone).
After you've created your prospering nation, you founded the basics of an equal society where the people would govern and chose their own fate.
You retired from people, tired of watching them wither away and lived your happily ever after with Aleksander, secluded from most of the world but happy that you never have to fear losing him.
Dating Billy Russo
Billy doesn't want to let anyone close to him, at the same time (deep down) he is yearning for love, appreciation and acceptance but he has issues™ so I don't think he could get involved in a real relationship with any of his flings.
You start out as acquaintances. Maybe you meet via your job or a common friend. The attraction is there and he flirts, oh he flirts but nothing comes of it for a while.
Let's be honest, you'd have to be at least a little fucked up to have a chance with him. Like calls to like but hopefully you are different enough to balance the crazy and get something good out of it.
He'd go for someone who is a challenge for him and you develop this bickering, flirting mess of a friendship.
But it would take a lot more for him to let his walls down. Oh who am I kidding, he never would, not consciously.
He was abandoned and hurt too much to let even a crack in on his fortress of walls around his heart but eventually, you manage to sneak a peek of the real him here and there.
It's during your first really nasty argument that he realises likes you likes you.
You call on his bullshit. Maybe he was lying to you or a jealous fit of rage came over you and you'd throw all your frustration at him, unintentionally revealing how much you know the real Billy behind all that facade and just how much you care for him.
The argument turns into angry sex. He kisses you like his life depends on it. It's wild and rough and everything you dreamed but you chicken out the morning after and leave before he wakes up.
He is pissed and determined. No way you have a chance against Billy Russo on a mission. He wants you and he's gonna get you.
You avoid him like plague, asking advice from Frank on how to handle Billy but you only get a laugh and a 'Good luck with that'
You decide to hide at Matt's place for a few days but it's the worst you could do because Billy was always jealous of your relationship with your lawyer friend.
So Billy finds you in no time. He just marches in beside Matt, who is holding the door wide open for him with a barely contained grin, and Billy cups your cheeks, smashes an aggressive kiss on your lips then simply bends down and throws you over his shoulder, taking you down to his car like it's an everyday thing to do while your protests are left ignored.
You try to talk to him, apologize, reason with him but he is just fuming in silence all the way to his home.
It's when you ask if you could just forget it happened and go on as you did before that gets him to react.
He's still angry with you, but you don't flinch when quickly grabs you by your neck. You know he would never hurt you. He doesn't say anything for a while, then his hand sneaks to your nape and he rests his forehead on yours, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.
When he collected himself a bit, he looks into your eyes and says the one thing he never thought he would say to anyone. Ever.
Those three words take your breath away, you only notice you are crying when he wipes your tears away.
You make love all night long, not willing to let go of the other.
He wakes you up with caresses and kisses, has his way with you in the shower again and makes you promise you would meet him at his office after work.
Billy arranges a date at a fancy restaurant. You enjoy the night but you convince him there is no need for any of the fuss. You agree that this feels fake and you'd rather want something real, a relationship on your own terms.
For the next few days, you're only home to get a change of clothes and it's not even a week after that that Billy convinces you to move in with him.
It's fast and it's crazy but it works and both of you are happy.
The thing is, if Billy Russo truly loves someone it's bordering on unhealthy obsession, he is prepared to give them anything and everything and is desperate to keep his love by his side.
He spoils you, still, you have a hard time getting used to it but it always warms your heart to see how happy he is when he can do it so you make a deal to let you return the attention.
He is just as uncomfortable with it as you were but you slowly start to develop something that resembles a healthy relationship and it's more than either of you imagined you would ever have.
He still keeps some secrets but he trusts you with his heart.
Frank often jokes that you stole his best friend, and in a way it's true. Billy has a connection with him, a brotherly bond but most of the time he still has his walls up with Frank, not with you though.
You get to see Billy Russo for who he is and he only loves you more for accepting every single wicked part of him.
Dating Logan Delos
It's a slow, slow, slow, slow burn
A spoiled, rich little bastard with issues™ like Logan would also be hooked on someone who turns his advances down at first, who can't be charmed with money or his ridiculously handsome face and boyishly charming smile.
He takes you to Westworld with an 'I can't wait to see who you are when you let go'
Logan is really disappointed when you decide to dress like a cowboy instead of a hooker which he vocalises more than once
You say you get on a dress like that if he can last the rest of the time here without sex
He really contemplates going into that wager but he'd rather try to get into your pants here than in the outside world so he passes up the opportunity
And he really tries
This is work, not vacation time. You remind him every so often when he wants to tempt you to do something fun.
When he says something really offending after a couple of days, like how much of a stuck up bitch you are
Your response is something among the lines of 'Why? Should I just fuck and drink all day long like you? I can't see how's that different from what you do outside.
It's a challenge and he wants to prove you wrong
He lets William drag you on an adventure but you part ways with his soon to be brother in law when he finds the girl and wants to play hero
You really don't like any of this? Never wanted to shoot anyone? He asks out of a sudden when you are about to play bandits.
I can think of one. You answer with less animosity than usual and he takes it as a good sign even though you just threatened him
You start to play the game more like Logan. You play like there are no consequences and it's kinda nice to let out your frustration
When you meet William again it gets ugly because Logan is determined to pull his not friend out of his delusion
After Logan cuts the girl to demonstrate how unreal she is, you tell him to let it go because you can see William is still holding on to that belief and it kinda freaks you out
You don't see Logan for a while after you return from Westworld
You are invited to the party where William gets the company and all the credit for his insight into the deal about Westworld
It pisses you off and you look for Logan but he is not at the party
When you find him he is in a really low place, he's drunk and taking drugs and he is so out of it you are pretty sure he doesn't know where is he
You take him home and wait until he sobers up
Do you know what I hate about you the most?
Fuck, why don't you kick into the man when is on the ground?
I hate that you have everything you need to be what I know you dream to be and you still waste your life like this.
You reach out to take the glass of whiskey from him and he gives it to you with a teary-eyed look that breaks your heart
He sleeps in your bed that night and stays with you for a while
You help him stay sober
and help plan how to take back his father's company, you are both ruthless businessmen after all and it's kind of fun
When he gets what he wants it doesn't feel like a victory though
And it takes a while for him to realise he doesn't want any of it but he's not gonna throw away what you both worked hard for
That's the thought that breaks the news for him that he wants you, not for a night, or for a few occasions but for as long as you'd put up with him
For the first time in his life, he doesn't know how to approach someone he is interested in
He figures he will go the safe route and involve you in business
Late nights and business dinners, lunch and even breakfast meetings involved where you talk work about less and less
It's you who make the first move
After a long night you spend at his office you invite him for a drink when he takes you home
He sleeps in your bed like that first time you took him in
Logan wakes up before you and gently caresses your cheek to wake you up
Thank you. When he sees your confused expression he elaborates. For not giving up on me.
You don't answer, you just kiss him.
He is frozen and you panic but it only takes a few more moments for him to register what happened and he pulls you back to another kiss.
It's surprisingly gentle, just like the rest of the morning when he explores you and slowly makes love to you.
Neither of you acknowledges in words what happened or that you are in a relationship. It's an unspoken rule to leave it all unspoken.
Behind your confident facade, you are both insecure and this all feels too fragile. You are both afraid to ruin it.
The fear fades away but after that, you don't need to put your feelings into words or give your relationship a label.
You become so intuned to the other that it feels unnecessary.
It's not after a long time when you say out loud that you love him and it's not a romantic confession either.
He tries to make amends with his father but he gets home really broken and refuses to speak about it. You let him finish his drink, then you take the glass from him and settle in his lap.
Enveloping his face in your palms you wordlessly ask for his attention.
Whatever he said he is wrong. Logan argues that you don't know how the conversation went but you say you have a pretty good idea.
Fuck him. You don't need him. If he can't see how much you are worth and how you've grown then he is not worth a single second of your time. I know it's not the same as having a family but I love you and I'm here for you.
You don't even realise you've said it and his gaze darts to yours with an unreadable expression so you panic again like the first time you kissed him but he silences your doubts with the most passionate and desperate kiss you ever shared.
I love you. Logan says when he pulls away. You are my family now.
Dating Caspian
Whether it's love at first sight or an engagement alliance he would treat you the same, with kindness and respect.
Caspian would try to get to know you first so don't expect more than a kiss on your hand for a while.
He would compliment you but couldn't take one without blushing which you find amusing.
After losing your (nonexistent) patience you would be the one to kiss him first to see his reaction.
First, just on his cheek as a goodbye and you glance back at him to see the blush, the stunned look and the cute smile as he touches the spot your lips met his skin.
Then you get bold and steal a kiss, it's really just a peck on his lips but it changes things. He leans in and captures you in a less appropriate kiss that leaves you breathless and blushing.
You are there for him when he has a difficult day and spend most of your free time with him.
You ask him to teach you how to fight and take you with him on his adventures. He is hesitant but you prove to be a quick study and quick on your feet in dangerous situations.
Caspian finds you in the library or the gardens each day and lays his head in your lap to enjoy your calming presence as you let him rest and brush his hair until he falls asleep.
You often stay like that for hours, not minding anything as long as you can be with him.
After one of these sessions extends into late at night he insists on escorting you to your room. As you kiss goodbye it gets more heated and you both get carried away.
That is the first time you get more intimate than an unmarried couple should.
He sneaks out of your room each night and you both yearn for the secrecy to be unnecessary but you try not to get your mood down.
If you are not of his world then he dreads the moment you have to say goodbye but you are determined to enjoy every moment you can while you are still there.
If he is about to lose you he is ready to fight even Aslan to be able to be with you. Given the choice, you abandon everything you know and stay with him in Narnia.
He marries you after a few months of knowing you.
You do your best to learn everything a queen should know and you are always by his side if he needs you.
Not once in your many years of marriage do you regret choosing to be with him. There are hard times but you are always there for the other so nothing ever seems hopeless.
Narnia lived its Golden Age under your rule and your love became a legend, the kind that every girl dreams about where you find your soulmate and live happily after with the love of your life.
Dating Sirius Black
Pretty boy is a mischievous womanizer so to get his attention and turn it into something permanent requires the 'no factor' again
Maybe you are Slytherin and he just hates you in principal, maybe you are a forbidden fruit as one of his friend's sibling or you are just shy and can't deal with his flirty nature at all.
Whatever 'the problem' is, it just screams no to him which results in Sirius doing anything but backing down
Despite being really smart he is somewhat a dumbass when it comes to relationships
He does all the wrong things, says some stupid things that he wishes he could take back.
The enemies to lovers situation get really nasty before feelings are revealed
After a failed attempt to charm you, he goes to sulk in some secluded location and you happen to stumble upon him. After an awkward moment of silence, you ask why he keeps pestering you and it just slips out without thinking: Because I'm in love with you
You are shocked, to say the least. He takes advantage of your frozen state and struts all the way to you, cups your cheeks and practically begs you to say something
Not able to find the words, you just pull him down by his collar and smash a kiss on those perfect lips of his.
You make out for long minutes then he pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. Be mine? - he asks.
I'm already yours. You answer easily before you go on to continue where you left off and you can feel him grin into the kiss.
Dating Sirius is a roller coaster.
His friends find it hilarious that you can make Siri blush, they soon get you involved in their jokes and you are almost one of the boys
He gets you involved in some of his tricks. You argue over his bullying Snape and you are terrified for him when you find out what he does on the nights of the full moon.
If you want to become an animagus he'll try to help you but he also keeps teasing you whenever he can throughout the process
Doesn't matter what you turn into, there will be jokes about it.
You study together but he doesn't really need it and after a few times when he gets annoying because he is bored you make your own little corner of a world with Undetectable Extension Charm
He's the one to suggest making the Marauder's Map because he is annoyed that he cannot find your hiding place.
It takes a while to figure it out even with the map
It's not often that you let him in there but you share the Room of Requirement more often after that
You break up every so often but it usually doesn't last long before you are back together like nothing happened.
The only time your relationship is in real trouble is when you insist that he should talk to someone about how his parents treat him. He knows you want the best for him but it is a sensitive subject so this time the argument and the breakup lasts longer.
He really hurts you when you see him with someone else and he knows it but for some reason he wants to hurt you because he is hurt, his friends can't take that either and pull an intervention where (after a lot of yelling and a short fistfight) Sirius tells them what's going on.
That's just before the summer he moves in with the Potters.
He writes to you every day. The distance and the honest conversation helps but you are still wary, it's not until you meet again that it gets resolved.
When you go back to school and come face-to-face with him, it's like nothing matters anymore. You jump into his arms and shush him when he apologizes again and again.
Your relationship is not perfect, you still argue but it's nothing serious. You love each other and made a pact to never part in anger so even when things get heated and you don't have time to discuss it, the last words you say to the other before you go on your separate ways are that I love you.
• Billy Russo masterlist • Main Masterlist • Moodboards masterlist •
MASTERLIST maretinelli
All stories made by me.
Female reader.
Masterlist FORMULA 1
Masterlist ACTORS
CHARACTERS👥
Edmund Pevensie
WE HAVE TO CHANGE BAKERS: In which Y/n prepares a picnic for her boyfriend and bakes a cake. But let's just say she's not good in the kitchen.
YOU CALLED ME LOVE: Where Y/n calls him by that nickname.
LIKE YOU'VE DONE BEFORE: In which Edmund becomes jealous of the friendship that Y/n has with Caspian and ends up saying nasty things. Which results in a much bigger problem.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?? AGAIN...: Even after spending years dating and getting married in Narnia in the golden age, Edmund makes an important request to Y/n, However, now here in your world.
ADULT MATTER: In which in a meeting with the Pevensie brothers, Y/n and Ed talk about a situation they went through together.
WE WERE THREE: When the Pevensie brothers and Y/n return to the teacher's house, Ed and Y/n despair when they see that they left someone behind.
WE WERE THREE²: Y/n and the Pevensies return to Narnia, still missing their son, but something they find ends up bringing comfort to their lives. At least a little.
BACK TO ME: Y/n was in the prophecy too. She ruled Narnia together with the Pevensies, but Peter made her marry the prince of another country due to agreements. But what happens when she is in love with Edmund and he is in love with her?
Prince Caspian
I WILL STAY WITH YOU: To which Y/n decides to stay in Narnia the second time and ends up meeting up with her brothers in the Dawn Treader. (Pevensie!Reader).
I WILL STAIN WITH YOU²: The Pilgrim's adventure ends, and everyone has to say goodbye to Ed and Lucy, as they have to return to their real world. But what about Y/n's heart, knowing that he will never see his brothers again?? (Pevensie!Reader)
Jake Peralta
IT'S NOT OK, BUT I'M HERE: Where y/n gets sick at work, and leaves the entire squad worried about the information she says before fainting.
TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART: In which Jake and y/n make a bet on who can arrest the most criminals and S/n has to fulfill the agreement at the end of the shift.
GREAT FRIEND OF YOURS: Jake and y/n have been friends for as long as they can remember, but as the years go by their feelings begin to turn romantic.
I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU: In which, y/n goes on a mission alone, things go wrong and Jake thinks his "best friend" has been murdered.
LITTLE GENIUS: That night is Jake's day to take care of his daughter at home, the night goes well with cabanas, a parade and sweets before dinner, but before going to sleep, little Peralta asks a question that leaves her father no reaction.
SHE WILL COME BACK: In which Y/n is expelled from the police and goes on an undercover mission in the mafia. However, Jake will have to live six months in doubt, after declaring his love for his best friend and receiving no response.
SHE WILL COME BACK ²: Six months passed, Y/n gathered the information needed to arrest the biggest mafia family and return to the squad. Of course, having to settle things with Jake first.
ACTS OF GIFTS: They have always been those couples who give gifts for nothing, but it is always good to remind the other person how much you love them. That is, apart from gifts.
Billy Russo
AND I WANT YOU: They met in the navy, and from then on they became best friends. However, there was always an extra feeling within the two of them.
Daryl Dixon
A SURPRISE OF LOVE: Where Daryl's wife goes on a patrol and arrives all injured, but during the exams Daryl discovers another member.
Sirius Black
THE GENERAL: In which Sirius arrives at the Potter's house injured after the fight with his mother and Y/n wants to take revenge. But can his girlfriend really beat Walburga? (Potter! Reader)
THE GENERAL²: Where Y/n wants revenge for Sirius, but can she really beat Walburga?! (Potter! Reader)
COME FIND YOUR HALF SOON: Y/n and Sirius had broken up. The boy with dark hair was going through difficult days with his family and this was the only way to protect his girlfriend. However, on a rainy holiday day In the summer he appears at the girl's cousin's house, just on the day she was there. What happens when his ex sees him all bruised and burned?
I CAME TO APOLOGIZE: Y/n and Sirius have been having an affair since Hogwarts, but this shouldn't continue anymore, as he is married.
I CAME TO APOLOGIZE²: After years without him and all the problems, someone knocks on Y/n's door, making her surprised. And after a lot of talking, she needs to introduce someone to him.
OUT OF EVERYTHING: Y/n has a busy week due to her work as head girl and her boyfriend gives her a little surprise to make her relax.
MEMORIES MAKE ME CRY: When Y/n's father gives her a box from her childhood, memories come rushing over her feelings.
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT: Lily and James get married. And in the middle of their waltz, Y/n has a great choreography idea for when she gets married. And of course Sirius wouldn't fail to make a wish later.
IT'S YOUR WOMAN: When Y/n gets a trail bike from her father and her boyfriend had no idea she rode it. (Potter!Reader)
77' PARTY: To which, Sirius and Y/n's personalities are the same and they love going out in matching couples' outfits.
SUNFLOWERS TO MY LOVE: Where Sirius spends the Christmas holiday at the Potter's house and brings a little gift to his girlfriend. (Potter!fem! Reader)
GERONIMO'S CADILLAC: By day, they're just members of the marauders and great old friends, but by night, she's the woman of his dreams.
I WANT ONE: Y/n and Sirius spend time playing with Harry, making them want a baby too.
BABY HARRY IS COMING: Sirius and Y/n are Harry's godparents, and he is coming into the world bringing joy.
To my readers!
Hey everyone!!
As some of you may know, I've been struggling a lot with writing for a long time now, because of my personal life.
However, as my personal life is slowly getting better, I've been able to write consistantly for several weeks now, including some pieces of fanfiction!! I am thus hoping to come back to posting regularly in the coming weeks!!!
I am currently writing a few one-shots and other cute stuff so I can plan my return! Expect a posting schedule to be announced in the coming week...
Some changes in my masterlist will also occur in the coming days/weeks. Do not be alarmed. I won't be deleting anything, simply reorganizing things. Do not panic, everything is under control...
I hope that some of you will still be interested in my silly and cute stories! I've always wanted to keep on posting my fanfictions, but sometimes life gets in the way. Hopefully, this is the right time for me to make a glorious come back!
However, I must admit that I have not been the most active tumblr gremlin as of late. I haven't really been active in the community in a while, but I would love to meet new people and discover the works of content creators who share my hyperfixations.
So, if you have any recs on a blog you think I might enjoy, linked to a fandom I like, feel free to share a rec! I'll check the blogs you recommend me!
I hope all of you have a wonderful day, and that you will enjoy the new stories I have to tell!
And... Ben again just because.
ೃ༄ 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐰/ 𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤
— day exploring the city with sirius: cafe dates, exploring museums, late night walks around the city, flower bouquets from every cart.
- a little moodboard before i answer requests again <3
sirius black being the cockiest mf ever trying to impress his crush and she is not impressed in the slightest to the point he starts getting really shy around her because he no longer knows how to act if his usual bravado doesn't work
but turns out just being his dorky, vulnerable, and still (softer) flirty self works like a charm!!
Sirius would totally the most cocky and immature tactics to get you to go out with him. it would be romantic for sure. im picturing the dance number that heath ledger sings in “10 things i hate about you.”
I hope you enjoy!
𝐂𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐌𝐲 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮 | 𝐒.𝐁
summery: after Sirius gives up on his boastful ways of flirting, you turn the other cheek and notice the popular marauder is sweet and dorky on the inside.
warnings: not proof read. one inappropriate joke, but that’s all 🫶🏻
pairing: sirius black x reader
Sirius Black was a charmer. That was for certain. Rumors spread like the plague of his roughish ways. You were not a fan of him, which was unfortunate for you because he was a fan of you. Constantly. Every chance he would get, he would flirt you up in the hallway.
“Hey y/n, what are you doing later?” He would ask you. You replied with, “McGonagall’s transfiguration essay.”
Sirius just smirked and returned with his cocky banter, “That’s a shame, I wish you’d do me instead.” He grinned, James and Peter behind him laughing.
It wasn’t genuine, or at least that’s how you felt. You rolled your eyes and replied with, “You wish, Black. In your dreams.”
You walked away with out seeing or hearing Sirius’ response. It frustrated you to no end that he would joke that way. You wanted to save him the trouble. He was obnoxious and too cocky for your own liking.
You missed when he was sweet and genuine. Not the popular boy that has become a staple at Hogwarts.
Sirius on the other hand, genuinely did want you. But no other tactic had gotten him a date. The rumors were misconstrued and he put on a cocky front. But in reality he was just as shy and dorky as he used to be.
One night after a hogsmeade trip, you were reading in the Gryffindor common room. It was a nice quiet night by the fire place. But all of a sudden, Sirius showed up, sat in an arm chair near you and started playing with wizarding cards.
“Could you keep that down?” You asked him, looking up from your book.
You expected a witty and cocky calculated response, but instead Sirius looked flushed. He ran a hand through this shiny hair and nodded, a little shy.
He gave up on impressing you and being so boastful. What did he have to lose? “Yeah sure, sorry.” He replied.
Sirius’ response continued to surprise you. Where were his annoyingly witty comments and jokes? Why wasn’t he flirting?
“Are you okay?” You asked, now a little confused.
“Yeah I’m fine,” he replied, lookin over at you. In his mind you looked so beautiful sitting by the fire. “Urm—actually I wanted to apologize. For making you so upset. I just think you’re really pretty an all. But I’m taking the hint and I’ll stop.”
He sounded so sweet about it and vulnerable. This was the Sirius you liked. The genuine one.
You smiled softly, “Thank you for the apology Sirius. I appreciate it. But you really think I’m pretty?” You asked.
He nodded, continuing to be sincere in his response. “Yeah, could never take my eyes off you love?” He said. It was straightforward and flirty but absolutely adorable and dorky.
You blushed. Why couldn’t be t he like this all the time?
“I like you like this.” You said, with a small smile. Sirius flushed.
“Y-you-u do?” He asked, a little surprised. This was the first time you’d shown him affection.
“Yeah. I mean when you aren’t being so boastful and cocky around me. I like the genuine you, Sirius.” You said.
With that, he sat up and walked over to the couch. He sat next you and both were facing each other.
“Sooo, I guess what you’re saying is???” He teased. You lightly pushed him and laughed.
“I’m saying if you tried to ask me out in a less boastful way. I would say yes.” You explained, blushing.
Sirius felt like he’d won the jackpot. “Really?! Uh I mean oh that’s cool.” He said, earning another giggle out of you.
“Y/n, will you go out with me?” He asked, sincerely.
You nodded, “Yes Sirius, I will.”
Hii, I have a request for an audio.
1. Ben Barnes
2. M4F, M4A
3. Fandom: Narnia, The Marauders, Sirius Black
4. British Accent, Calm voice
5. Sleep Aid, Comfort audio, BFE
Billy Russo from The Punisher?
[M4F] Your Boyfriend Gets Too Excited Watching You Try On Halloween Costumes
[Improv] [British Accent] [Mdom] to [Msub] and back again [Switch] [Facefuck] [Cunnilingus] [Begging] [Moans] [Playful] [Dressing Up] [Dressing Room] [Creampie] [Mutual Orgasm] [Aftercare] [whiny] [Condescending] [worship]
Creator Reddit: u/TamlinsTears
Watching Narnia With Ben Barnes
Genre - ☁️️Fluffy Headcannon☁️️
Note/Warnings - Jealousy, alluding to sexual themes, written with Fem!pronouns
It was a rainy day in London which meant it was the perfect opportunity to cuddle up with your boyfriend Ben and watch movies
Unfortunately for you, Ben has a terrible habit of falling asleep mid-movie
"Baby, I promise I won't fall asleep this time"
Famous last words because half-way through Ways To Live Forever, he is snoring quietly beside you
Being the darling girlfriend you are, you decided to let him have his rest
The movie finished and the actor was still away in dreamland
After flicking through movies you'd already seen, something caught your eye
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian came up as a suggested watch
As with most actors, Ben hated watching his own films so you never got to watch anything he was in. Unless he was away filming
But now seemed like the perfect time because knowing Ben, he would stay asleep through this movie as well
And you were right… until you laughed a bit too loudly
You looked down to where a sleeping Ben had been peacefully on your lap to see a pair of gorgeous sleep-glazed eyes staring at you
"I am so sorry my love, really didn't mean to wake up" You said gently stroking his hair and hoping he'd go back to sleep so you didn't have to turn the movie off
With a smile and a stretch, Ben was up and awake
But he hadn't realised that you were watching his film yet
Wordlessly, he cuddled up to you again and started watching the film
Maybe he hadn't woken up properly or maybe he couldn't remember shooting this movie but he happily sat and watched
About 10 minutes go by and that's when a very young Ben Barnes as Caspian steps onto the screen
You would laugh at your boyfriend's wide-eyed stare but you had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well
"You tricked me! Here I am innocently embracing the woman I love but no, you sneaky minx made me watch this"
Okay, now you were giggling your heart out
"In my defence, you were fast asleep and I didn't expect you to wake up until at least the end"
He may nearly be 40 but this man can sulk like a teenager
The next 10 minutes went with Ben sulking and rejecting you like you were a plague
So you tried a different tactic
Compliment someone else till he gets jealous
It's quite easy to make Ben jealous, especially when he is in this mood
"Honestly, I forgot how attractive King Peter is"
"Wow the muscles, time for me to move to Narnia"
"That solider could definitely raid me"
So not all of the comments were amazing but hey, it's hard to fawn over other guys when you have such a handsome boyfriend
Ben's sulking didn't last long after the comment were made
Mumbles of "I bet Peter couldn't pleasure you as well as I could" and "Pfft he can't even grow a beard"
You heard a massive grumble mixed with a sigh leave your boyfriend's mouth
"Okay princess, new rule. You can complement Caspian but if you mention any other guy's name in this, I am turning the movie off immediately"
Ben was joking but in some sense he wasn't and you knew that he would stick to his word
You agreed and for the rest of the movie, you kept your adoration for only your boyfriend's character
And Ben kept cringing at how young he looked and how terrible his accent was
"Good thing I watched this movie with you babe, almost forgot how pretty Susan was"
You have never turned the TV off quicker
Even with a cheeky smile on his face, that comment would not be ignored
If looks could kill, Ben would be six feet deep
You glare at him for a few seconds before you open your mouth to say something
Unfortunately, Ben had other ideas and quickly threw you over his shoulder before running to your shared bedroom
"Benjamin Thomas Barnes, if you think I am going to sleep with you after that comment, you are insane"
"Well then I must be insane but thankfully I am also irresistible"
Let's just say he was right, no one could take care of you the way Ben could ;)
Ben Barnes Preferred Partner
I didn't know this was the guy who played Prince Caspian in Narnia. Whoever suggested this, you have taste.
I'm not taking reversals for preferred partner readings.
Let's start with physical attributes: Page of swords, the hierophant. He wants someone who is younger than him or that looks young. Page of Swords is someone who is approximately 22, so someone significantly younger than his 41 years or that could be mistaken as in their 20s. With the hierophant, it will be someone with a traditional appearance. They don't dress flashy and they don't look like someone that catches eyes everywhere they go. This person would need to be conservative in a sense, understated. So this would be like a Maude Apatow and not a Sydney Sweeney. Maude is the one everyone overlooks but she is still gorgeous.
Okay onto personality: Knight of cups, 7 of swords, Queen of cups, The Moon.
He wants someone that is passionate. He wants someone that might enjoy romantic movies. They might be romantic and like a bit of drama in their relationships. Someone that professes their love and shows him a lot of affection. Someone that treats him like he is the only man in the world. This person would need to overlook his negative traits and just see him as the greatest boyfriend ever.
He wants someone that is ambitious. This person needs to be someone who is cunning. They need to be able to win without anyone realizing they were even trying to. If you watch the show Succession, this is like a Gerri type of person rather than a Shiobhan. She is quiet about her goals and is making moves behind the scenes. He might also like to be with someone who has their own life. This person leaves the house and he doesn't necessarily know what they do throughout the day. It's a very sneaky energy. He might also like people who are in the acting industry.
Keeping with this trend, he wants someone mysterious. He wants to be constantly surprised by this person. That may be why he likes them sneaky in a way. This person needs to be private or he may want the relationship to stay private. This person would need to be full of secrets because he is really into that.
This person should not be aggressive or in any way confrontational. The Queen of Cups is the ultimate female archetype. This person needs to be gentle, like a Queen. She lets him lead. She comforts him and is compassionate to everyone. She might be soft spoken and feminine. She is sensitive and expresses her emotions freely. Might be motherly and nurturing. Needs to make him feel like she is home or supply a clean and safe space for him. This is the card for Cancer, so these attributes will apply.
Thank you for reading! I definitely would not be considered for this guy as I am drop dead gorgeous and very loud. If you have any questions or suggestions let me know.
Chronicles of Narnia Headcanon Masterlist
Peter Pevensie as a Boyfriend ⚔️🛡️
Edmund Pevensie as a Boyfriend 🔦❄️
Prince Caspian as a Boyfriend 🐎🏰
Susan Pevensie as a Girlfriend 🏹👸🏻
Lucy Pevensie as a Girlfriend 🦁🗡️
COMPETITION AREA.
The gif is not mine!
Pairing : Caspian X x Reader!
Summary : You used to date Peter and now you're with Caspian, but your past complicates your current relationship.
Gender : sad, cute, silly??.
word count: 1k
AN : This is stupid but I wanted to post it. Also say that I took it out Almost angels! (Argentine program)
----
''Seriously Lucy, we're fine with Casipan''
Lucy returned to Narnia with Edmund in the middle of the sea, and that made you happy because they were your friends but now you had a situation: Lucy did not believe in your love for Caspian.
''We're really good, seriously'' You repeat again.
''Yes, darling, but being well doesn't mean being in love''
You stop seeing the map that rests on the table. ''Listen, you miss Peter, right?''
You sigh, letting your shoulders slump. They dated Peter before he grew old enough to no longer be accepted in Narnia, so you were left alone, desperate and without your loved one, but then within your desolation, with patience, Caspian won your heart.
''Obviously I miss Peter, how I miss Susan, how I miss you guys'' You explain. ''But what does that have to do with Caspian?''
''Don't play dumb'' Lucy's voice is a perfect mix of sweetness and firmness.
''The question is if you miss Peter as a boyfriend... as a man''
''Ehm..'' You start stammering, searching for your words. ''Lu, Peter was very important to me and I will love him all my life but now I'm with Caspian and I'm fine''
''Well, but if you have to choose, have to compare between one and the other, who...?''
You interrupt her. ''Stop, I'm not going to compare because comparisons are hateful'' You reason.
''I am hateful, compare'' Resolve.
''Well, they're different.'' You try to eliminate the topic but Lucy raises an eyebrow, waiting for the answer she wants. You gasp and give up. ''Caspian is sweet and I had a great time with him''
''Bored.''
''It's not boring... but if I have to compare Peter was more romantic, he prepared surprises for me'' Lucy smiles.
''I still have a good time with Caspian, he's just less expressive'' You try to defend him.
You raise your arm, not knowing that Caspian was hearing from the other side of the room. ''No?''.
—
''Where are you taking me?'' You smile with Caspian's hands covering your eyes.
''You trust me'' He answers, also smiling.
Caspian counts to 3 and removes his hands showing a lake.
''How cute..'' He says cloyingly.
His hands travel around you, hugging you, and he kisses your temple.
You shake your head, looking at him. ''And why did you bring me here?''
''It's a surprise''
''No, no, no, what a surprise? I have to organize the next event and you must...'' You ramble until Caspian interrupts you.
''Wait love, the world is not going to fall if we take a day off.'' He holds your body in his hands. Then your face changes, you just smile and kiss him.
—
Caspian leaves the rod stuck in the ground, with the hook in the water, and runs to you, who are resting on the blanket on the ground.
You bite your lips when he comes to you with a dreamy smile.
The rod falls and a noise leaves your lips wanting to run to nail it again.
''No! ''Seeing your intentions, Caspian stops you and runs to do it himself. ''Stay there, you are my guest of honor''
You laugh and return to your place.
When Caspian returns to your side you look at his face, kissing him.
''I love you'' You say, falling onto the blanket with his body floating above you.
—
''Do you hear?''
''What?''
''Nothing, silence. You hear it?'' Caspian nods and your eyes shine, caressing his cheek.
'''How many people are there that you can stay like this with? In silence?'' Lectures.
''Only one, and you?''
You don't answer, you just take his lips with a goofy smile.
After several kisses you separate.
''Loosen up, there are underage birds''
Caspian laughs softly, ''How I would stay in this moment forever...''
''Well, let's stay, here and now. Although we are going to miss the boys a little''
''If I'm with you, I don't miss anyone.'' He joins his lips.
''Not even a bit of noise, of swords...?''
''No, nothing'' He says quickly and with some desperation he kisses you.
You separate again. ''Look, with so much silence we can get bored as a log''
Caspian sighs and lets his face fall to rest on his fist.
''That's right, I'm going to miss the horses'' You comment looking at the lake.
''horse riding ..''
Your comment only frustrated the boy more, because there was no one who didn't know that it was Peter who taught you to ride, and gave you that fanaticism.
''But who says, maybe one will come here'' You smile and Caspias can't stand it.
''Why don't you say it once and for all?'' He Accuses.
''What?''
''You've got me fed up, you miss Peter all day, all the time.''
Your tongue is spoiled and your nerves make you babble. ''Caspian, what are you talking about?''
Caspian stands up and feels like he explodes. ''About what happens to you, what happens to you when you see the photos and you regret not being there with him''
''That's different from me, more sensitive, more romantic. Did you know? Why don't you cross that world of his and go with him? '' His words come out alone and he is not able to think about what he says.
Your eyes lower as your boyfriend walks away.
''My love, come here'' You say running towards him. ''Stop. What's wrong with you?'' You reach for him.
His eyes seem to darken and he scratches the back of his neck. ''I'm jealous, I'm jealous of Peter's ghost,'' she admits.
''I heard you talking to Lucy and I started competing with him''
''What? I don't know what you heard"
''I wanted to be as romantic as him but it all turned out wrong. I can't compete with the memory you have of him.''
''Alright..''
''If he were here it would be very different, but he is not here and it is very difficult.. '' He rambles and you have to interrupt him
''Well'' You sigh. ''I miss Peter as much as the other boys.''Caspian shakes his head, not believing your words.
''But because they are my friends and I want them back.'' You explain.
Your hands touch his face. ''That has nothing to do with us, my love."
"I want to be with you and that won't change even if Peter comes back."
He removes your hands from his face. ''No, you don't know what's going to happen to you''
''Yes, yes, I know"
''no, you don't know and that's fine'' It is pointed out. ''On the other hand, I do know what's happening to me.''
He eyes stab you. ''I do know that I love you'' He snorts and touches his head.
''Forgive me, but I can't be a mature guy, sometimes the child inside comes out''
You just smile and your eyes narrow.
Caspian gives a half smile. ''You love me the same, don't you?''
You don't nod, you don't speak, you just take his walk and your mouths meet.
They both return to the blanket and enjoy their evening, until nightfall, but more in love than before.
𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐝, 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐚𝐧 & 𝐄𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 | 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑶𝒏𝒆.
⤷ female, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!
a/n: all characters over the age of 18
ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ
𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿
・You didn't know how it all started. You had no idea how or why all four of them were pining after you. Well, you didn't notice it at first. You guessed it was denial.
・And you never thought of yourself as that beautiful. Not compared to other women at court (which was self-confidence based, not on truth, but you didn't feel that.)
・But for some reason, you had caught all four men's eyes.
・Some thought you had put a spell on them, and at times, you thought that yourself. Because you would find hidden love letters, flowers and presents in your rooms.
・You would be escorted by one of them every morning to wherever it is you needed to go
・You were never ... without attention. You were always being asked for dinner, for a date, for a horse ride.
・But you weren't the type to take away someone's free will. Even if you did have a crush on each man.
・Peter was High King, and so passionate. So ready to defend his kingdom, his people and his family.
・King Edmund, but Ed as you knew him, was so witty, kind and you couldn't deny that whenever he winked at you from across a room your heart beat faster
・Caspian ... god .... his accent, his hair, the way he always put you at ease. And he always made time for you.
・And then Eustace, who the Pevensie's said he was once an irritating young boy, who had grown up. Narnia had helped him mature. Plus, you loved that wherever Eustace went, Reepicheep went as well.
・Eustace towers over you, and his smile ... you always get jealous when he smiles at anyone else. You would never admit that though.
・It was very suspicious that they all decided to pursue you. Susan had brought it up, talking to Lucy about it. They both wanted to understand why three members of their family were head over heels for the same young woman
・When they asked you, (you were slightly hurt by this and Lucy could see it on your face;)
"We don't mean it like that!" Lucy said walking forward and taking hold of your hand.
"Oh no! Not at all, it's just ... out of the ordinary," said Susan.
・Lucy had grown to be just as tall as her sister. And just as beautiful. You were confused as to why Caspian wasn't pursuing Susan.
"Oh! Because I know there are more beautiful people in the castle. And I've wondered why this was happening as well."
・You liked the surprises, which turned into dates. But now you knew that Susan and Lucy were gathering evidence
・Eustace was the first to ask you on a date. To which you said yes.
・He took you to his favourite spot in Narnia. A sparkling pool that cleaned anything completely off of you as soon as you got in.
"It's great for washing!"
・You didn't believe him at first. But he brought a pot of ink and spilt it all over his finest shirt.
・You gasped, but watched as he took off his shirt and plunged it into the water. Immediately the bubbles turned into sparkes, and almost like small rays of light bounced from the fabric, where the ink had once been.
・He pulled it back out and it was almost gleaming.
"H-holy god, this place really is magical," you said and touched the fabric. It was dry as well. But you were doing your best to advert your gaze. Eustace was shirtless and you were blushing...
"How did you come across this?" You asked, trying to take the attention away from the tension
・He coughed. Then put on his shirt.
"I-I love exploring Narnia-" He said with a slight smile, realising his actions
・You bowed your head and looked back at the water, hesitant to touch it. But you plunged your hand into it and instantly you were filled with light.
"Oh my-" Eustace said, looking at you like you had two heads.
"What is it?" You said, swishing your hand through the water.
"You're ... glowing."
・That's when a voice came forward.
"Y/N, what are you doing out here- oh, Eustace," said High King Peter atop his horse.
"Cousin," Eustace bowed his head as Peter trotted forward, his horse just as regal as he.
"Hello, my King."
Peter tutted, "how many times do I have to tell you. Just Peter."
・You blushed, already standing. You stood next to Eustace and felt incredibly awkward; not just because of the two cousins who were staring one another down, but because you were barefoot with unbound hair and completely without makeup.
"Well..." said Peter's horse. The mighty steed, Gideon, who was taller than you.
"I was wondering if you wanted to dine with me tonight?" Peter asked you, and you smiled, nodding.
With almost like a sigh of relief, Peter beamed but tried to hold it in, "I'll see you at seven in my dining quarters."
・Oh, alone. You hadn't had dinner with any of the men alone.
FIC RECOMMENDATIONS
(disclaimer: none of these works are mine, but i find each and every
one beautiful and decided to share the talents of these amazing
writers!)
Aleksander Morozova:
Secret Affairs “rumors and whispers are circulating in the little palace that general kirigan has found himself a mysterious woman whom he spends his nights with” by @kasagia
Marking by @simp2537 (18+)
Billy Russo:
The Manhattan Murders Series “three years ago, you left your hometown of woodsboro for new york to start over, but when people around you start dying, you realize a ghost from your past has returned” by @chvoswxtch
Rescue Mission “during a disastrous blind date you reach out to your best friend billy, and he offers to come to your rescue” by @marvelmusing
Crosshairs “after a few months of stalking billy, you make a decision to curb your obsession, believing that he deserves better than you. billy doesn’t agree.” by @marvelmusing
Hunted “as part of a training exercise with anvil, you’re tasked with remaining hidden in the city for an entire week. when billy tracks you down on the last night, he decides to teach you a leason.” by @marvelmusing (18+)
Barber Shop “you give billy’s beard a trim, giving him the opportunity to think over how lucky he is to have you.” by @marvelmusing
Waiting “you’ll always wait for billy, and he’ll always come home to you.” by @marvelmusing
Sweetness “billy russo loves all things sweet, and you take up a particular spot in his heart” by @marvelmusing
Window by @thyme-in-a-bubble (18+)
Misbehavior “billy takes you to one of his favorite restaurants, but you can’t seem to behave how he wants you to” by @marvelmusing (18+)
Just Wanted To Hear Your Voice “billy hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you all morning, and he just wants to hear your voice.” by @chvoswxtch
Sneaking Around “you’ve been sneaking around with billy, and your brother finds out.” by @that-sarcastic-writer (18+)
Penny For Your Thoughts by @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend (18+)
Remus Lupin:
His First Time by @ellecdc (18+)
A Couple Months Later by @rainydayathogwarts
Soft Dom by @inkdrinkerworld (18+)
Setting Up “james trying to get remus and reader together and setting them up. potter!reader x remus secret relationship au” by @rainydayathogwarts
No Boundries “bestfriend remus with no boundries” by @mallowsweetmiri
Chocolate Trope by @theemporium (18+)
Sirius Black:
The Cutest Thing “when you visit the marauder’s dorm to ask remus for help with your charm’s homework, you’re surprised to find a large black dog in the room.” by @latenightreadingpdf
Fancy Ride “sirius gets jealous when you’re sharing stories from your date with evan, so you put him in his place” by @rainydayathogwarts
Always There “sirius black x girlfriend!reader who doesn’t give up on him even when he gives up on himself” by @iamgonnagetyouback
You Are Gonna Sit There And Watch by @thyme-in-a-bubble (18+)
James Potter:
Trouble In Hollywood “after spending years as an aspiring actress, everything seems to be finally falling into place. for one thing, you landed your first lead role staring in a new tv series filming in la. the only problem: you can’t stand your co-star” by @everythingisromant1c
Kiss And Makeup “james ruins reader’s date and attempts to make it better’ by @amiableness
Lip Combo “james watching you apply your lip combo tries to distract you from your lip gloss” by @rainydayathogwarts
A Dare Too Far “james was dared to make you fall in love with him. unknown to him, he was falling for you too. but soon the truth comes out and you are left heartbroken” by @srslyblvck
Eating Out “james eating you out under your skirt in the corner of a corridor” by @theemporium (18+)
Bloody Hell “enemies to lovers, period sex” by @lizard-on-a-window-pane (18+)
Morning Sex “you need james as soon as you wake up, and he needs you” by @pretty-little-mind33
A Date? by @iamgonnagetyouback
Dad!James by @amiableness
I Think He Knows “your boyfriend promises to watch over you when you want to get drunk” by @pretty-little-mind33 (18+)
Wolfstar x Reader:
A Baby? “your worst fears come true when you realize that sirius and remus didn’t want kids” by @iamgonnagetyouback
Fit In “wolfstar x reader who feels like she doesn’t fit in” by @iamgonnagetyouback
Drunk Reader “reader gets tipsy and starts being verbally affectionate when she normally isn’t” by @moonstruckme
Caught In The Middle “sirius’ worst nightmare comes true when both you and remus get your time of the months together” by @iamgonnagetyouback
Poly Marauders:
Seer Reader by @ellecdc
Pregnancy “poly!marauders x pregnant!reader who padfoot is obsessed with” by @ellecdc
Praise Kink by @moonstruckme (18+)
Costume Shopping “you go costume shopping with your boys” by @mischievousmoony
Forgotten Series “after being the forgotten one your whole life, you thought that they wouldn’t forget you” by @iamgonnagetyouback
Guess “reader is blindfolded and has to guess which one of her bfs is fucking her” by @brokenmenswhore (18+)
Say My Name by @myfictionaldreams (18+)
Taste “reader has a very strong gag reflex, so the boys never ask her to blow them, and you love them for it. but today, you want to taste them” by @thebestofoneshots
if you are a writer and you see your fic on this post and wish for it to
be removed, please let me know and i will remove it immediately!
Secret affairs
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x fem!grisha! reader Summary: Rumours and whispers are circulating in the Little Palace that General Kirigan has found himself a mysterious woman with whom he spends his nights. One morning Ivan learns that the rumours are true. Fedyor will not rest until he finds out who their Black General's new lover is—who is the one who makes him much less grumpy. Requested by: @drinix (I AM SOOOO SOOO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME AGES! BUT I HOPE YOU WILL LIKE IT, HONYE!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤) Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @chelseyyouraverageluigi @watersquirtpewpewboomm @summersummoner-pat Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist
One morning, Aleksander sips his coffee and looks through the reports Ivan has just delivered to his desk. He has a meeting with his colonels in a few minutes, and he's struggling with his lack of sleep. At least this time, he has a better reason to stay up late than answering letters and planning new battle tactics.
He smiles, remembering the night he spent with you. He runs a hand over his jaw, trying to shake the thought of you beneath him. How you trembled at his every little touch, the sweet sounds you made as he struck your most sensitive spots with pinpoint precision, how wonderful you looked sprawled out on the bed, a clean, quivering mess as he tasted you to his liking…
"Forgive me, General, but I can't find your kefta." Ivan's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. Aleksander absentmindedly picks up the reports again, knowing full well that he has to read them before he goes to any meetings, and, ignoring Ivan a bit, mumbles under his breath, asking him to repeat what he just said. "I can't find your kefta, sir."
"My kefta?" Aleksander repeats, surprised. Ivan has never had any problems with this simple task before. Suddenly he remembers why his heartrender can't find his keft. "I must have left it at hers." Aleksander mutters under his breath, unaware that he is saying it so loudly that Ivan can hear him.
Heartrender frowns and stares at his general in shock as he casually takes his reports and heads to the main war room for a meeting.
As soon as Ivan enters the room, he meets the questioning gaze of his beloved. Feydor immediately notices how pale and nervous Ivan has become and that his heart is beating a little faster. He decides to ask him what happened. And a few hours later, Ivan confirms to Feydor the rumours that have been circulating in the Little Palace.
General Kirigan had a secret affair.
"I can't believe it! Him?" Alina's whisper reaches you as you sit down at the table right next to Fedyor.
"Who are we gossiping about? The healer who almost broke a bone in one of the Inferni yesterday while so-called healing?"
"No. Ivan couldn't find the general's kefta this morning. And when he told him, he mumbled that he must have left it at HERS. Do you understand? At HERS. HER. SHE. A WOMAN."
"Yes, Fedyor. I understood at first time when you said it." You laugh at his excitement about this new rumour.
"No you don't! You don't know what it means if you are not at least as interested and excited as me or Alina." Fedyor informs you in a very serious way.
You roll your eyes at his foolish behaviour and looks at Aleksander who is coming into the great hall. In his black kefta.
"No way! It must be someone from the Little Palace! Look at him, he is wearing it now! Someone had to give it to him." Fedyor whispers conspiratorially to the three of you, staring at the general.
You raise an eyebrow at him, amused when the man quickly feigns interest in his food as Aleksander's gaze falls on the three of you. He nods at you and leaves the room.
"Sorry, duties." You say and take an apple from the table. "Try not to interrogate everyone around you about the general's new beloved. She may get embarrassed or scared and leave him and he'll become a pain in our asses again." You tease him and leave him and Alina to discuss this new revelation.
You walk quickly through the hallway of the Little Palace, practically running after Aleksander. You burst into his war room and before you can say a word, his lips are on yours.
You moan softly, surprised by the suddenness of his kiss. You tangle your hands in his hair and hum against his mouth as he slips his tongue into your mouth, pinning you against the door. You’re breathless as he practically devours you, drinking in all your moans and whimpers of pleasure as his large, strong hands caress the cheeks of your ass.
"I was thinking about it since I left your side." He mumbles, pressing small kisses to your jaw. You sigh, digging your hands into the collar of his kefta and pushing him away from you with a heavy heart, but you have to get the message across to him before you get lost in each other again.
"You have to be more careful. Fedyor got something out of Ivan and knows you have a mistress."
"So you are my secret mistress now?" He asks, chuckling against your neck. You bite your lip as his beard teasingly grazes your neck, plump lips nipping at your skin.
"Call me that again and you will be comming back from my chamber to yours all naked." You growl, but your threat carries little fear as Aleksander begins to unbutton your own kefta.
"You wouldn't dare..." He mumbles against your skin and all you can do is tug on his hair in retaliation as he traces his marks across your collarbone and moves lower, approaching the valley between your breasts.
"So sure?" You gasp, trying your best to remain intimidate to him, but it is a challenge when his fingers work so smoothly in undressing you.
"Uh-huh." He mumbles and kisses you again, this time more forcefully than last time, making your legs buckle slightly. He holds you tightly by the waist and lifts you up, navigating through his room and laying you on his bed, which is filled with books.
"I... um... sorry. I should have cleaned up here." He mumbles to himself and throws the books to the floor in his haste. You laugh at him and grab his arm.
"I don't mind... besides it will be quite hard to explain why you suddenly clean your rooms without any suspicion about this new lover of yours." You tease him with a smirk, but he doesn't seem to share your good humour at all.
He's lost in thought, stroking your cheek with his thumb thoughtfully and not responding to your teasing, just staring at you sprawled beneath him, shadows slowly creeping out of his control and draping over the foot of the bed.
"Shouldn't we... make this official?" He asks, staring at you with those night-dark eyes of his. You shiver, surprised by his question.
You try to swallow the lump in your throat and control your slight panic attack as he continues to stare at you, waiting patiently waiting for your answer and searching your face carefully for any reaction.
"What for? That's... quite a comfortable... deal we are in. Besides, I don't want them to talk that I am your second-in-command just because I slept with you. And I thought you liked that our relationship is strictly private and well... not to anyone's eyes?"
"Yeah... yeah, I do. You probably are right. Having you in the darkness is much more entertaining than in the daylight."
You know from the way he frowns slightly that this isn't the answer he was expecting. But if anything, Aleksander is a pathological people-pleaser. So he doesn't say anything about his true feelings about the secrecy of your relationship and instead leans in for a kiss.
Which subconsciously makes you feel incredibly guilty.
"Come here... let me help you relax, moi soverenyi." You moan against his lips and straddle him, deciding that this afternoon you will serve your general.
But no matter how many kisses you press into his skin, how many marks you leave, or how many times you make him moan your name, you still feel a burning feeling of guilt inside.
You try with all your might to focus your attention solely on giving him as much pleasure as possible, but your thoughts involuntarily wander to his proposal. You weren't ready to show the two of you to the world yet. You weren't ready for the judgemental looks from others. You'd rather everything stay the way it was. Just you and Aleksander, your little secret, stole kisses and nights between each other's sheets.
You were completely happy with that. But as you can see, your Sasha wanted more.
And you weren't entirely sure if you could give it to him now.
You wake up blissfully aching. Aleksander's shadows float across his bedroom, obscuring the entire room, blocking out any sunlight. You turn your gaze to the man whose chest your head rests on.
You smile, watching the sleeping shadow summoner. It's rare to see him so... calm, rested. Unable to stop yourself, you run your hand along the line of his jaw and gently cup his bearded cheek. You stroke it with your thumb, drinking in his appearance, enjoying every tiny hickey you've left on him.
You lean down and kiss him sweetly, slowly, unhurriedly, enjoying the softness of his lips and the roughness of his beard. Kissing him had always been a surreal feeling for you. Sometimes you couldn't believe that you could actually press your lips against his and declare your claim to the most powerful Grisha that existed.
You feel him start to wake up as the kiss continues. He wraps his arms around you and holds you tightly by the waist, rolling you so you're straddling him as he kisses you passionately, hungrily. You sigh into his mouth, feeling his manhood press against you as if last night hadn't worn him out.
You run your hands over his chest and slowly settle yourself on him. You sigh as the head of his cock slowly opens your soaked walls. It feels so good and so damn full, as you settle yourself completely on him, as you become one. You bite your lip and hold your breath as he sits up, wrapping his arms around you tightly, digging his fingers into your back.
"Y/N..." He murmurs into your ear and kisses his lobe. You sigh, feeling him perfectly fill every little space of you.
"Morning." You gasp as he pushes you onto your back, hovering over you. He sucks hickies on your neck, mumbling quiet good mornings against your skin as he lazily thrusts into you.
You wriggle and moan beneath him, trying to press yourself as close to him as you can. There’s no space between you as he claims you with every thrust, destroying you for any other man. You sigh as he presses his lips to yours, kissing you possessively, stealing your breath with each deep, hard thrust into you.
He trails his kisses down your neck. His beard tickles your skin as he caresses your lips. You moan his name loudly as he suddenly sucks onto your breast.
He smiles evilly against your skin. Aleksander revels in the way you dig your nails into his shoulders as he works tirelessly to please you. He loved seeing you like this. Hair tousled against his black sheets, eyes closed from the rush of pleasure, mouth open in a quiet moan of his name when all you could think about was him. That was when you felt truly his. And it was a pleasant change for him to know that someone belonged to him, that he owned someone. It was just a shame he couldn't claim you in the sunlight as well.
A sudden movement in the war room makes you both freeze. Aleksander stares at his bedroom door and instinctively raises his shadows, causing them to wrap around the two of you defensively.
"General, we got a report from the west border with Fjerda..." Fedyor's voice trails off in the realization as the heartrender realizes he hears two heartbeats in Darkling's bedroom. Two fast heartbeats. "I... um... should I come later?"
"Preferably." Your lover responds, still on his guard.
You listen for Fedyor's footsteps and sigh in relief as he walks away. You laugh uncontrollably, which earns a soft chuckle from Aleksander. His heart heats up as he watches fondly as you laugh beneath him at the absurdity of the situation.
"Oh my dear saints. He's going to be so determined to find out who you're hiding under the sheets."
"Yes... probably." He replies. You frown thoughtfully, but you quickly distract yourself when he moves again. You moan, biting your lower lip and digging your fingers into his arm as he reaches deep, hitting that weak spot inside you that sends tingles throughout your body. "But you'll manage, right, milaya?"
You nodded, unable to utter any coherent sounds. He smiles pure evil and continues to pound into you at a punishing, rapid pace. You bite your lip, almost drawing blood as you try not to moan his name too loudly in the darkness of his chambers.
Yep... you definitely loved your stolen mornings with him.
A few hours later, you smile to yourself as you pack your things. Due to suspicious activity by the Fjerdans on the border, Aleksander decided to go and see for himself what was going on. You were supposed to be on the lookout for Morozova's stag.
Despite the sudden events of today, you couldn't just forget about the morning spent with him. The thought of it made you blush, and a smile appeared on your lips. Lost in thoughts about the shadow summoner, you didn't even register when Zoya entered your room with a packed backpack.
"Oh saints, you had sex!" You jump suddenly at her excited squeal and stare at her like a deer caught in the light of a hunter's torch.
"I beg you pardon?"
"You had sex! You're glowing, relaxed, and oh my, you're blushing like a teenager! Who's that? Do I know him? Handsome? What order is he from? Or maybe it is she?" She bombards you with excited questions. You hide your face in your hands, not wanting to watch her wicked smile as she settles on your bed, staring at you intently.
"I... have no idea what are you talking about."
Before you can somehow defend yourself from her accusations, you are interrupted by a knock on your door. Fedyor enters with his things, all excited, with Ivan hot on his heels.
"Y/N, you won't believe it! He really does have someone! You have to tell me if you saw anyone in the corridors leading to his quarters last night when you were leaving his chambers after the night briefing. Remember every detail, I need to know everything."
"Y/N had sex with some mysterious lover." Zoya briefs Fedyor before either of you can add anything to the man's long rant.
Ivan raises a surprised eyebrow at you, silently analysing the information in his head. You see the gears turning in his head, and as he connects the dots—as Alexander's closest confidant after you—he blushes. You shake your head slightly, staring at him as Fedyor and Zoya exchange gossip. He swallows and nods silently. You note it as a problem for later and turn your gaze to the two excitedly gossiping Grisha.
"I can't believe it! You too?! Who is it?! With your busy schedule with Kirigan, I didn't think I'd have time to find anyone, but here you are. Is it that handsome inferni? The one who's going on the mission with us and has been hanging around you for ages?"
"I… would prefer to keep my… boyfriend's privacy for now. It's a quite new thing, we're… testing if we're a good fit." You stammer, explaining yourself, knowing full well that you can't deny these two for long. They would have known the truth anyway. You're terrified of the moment when they realize that you and Aleksander are something more.
"Oh, I understand that perfectly. Ivan and I went through the same thing, right, honey?"
"Yeah..." Ivan mumbles thoughtfully and continues to stare at you in shock. However, Fedyor is too lost in his conspiracy theory to pay attention to his significant other's behavior. For which you silently thank the saints above.
Eventually, you all gather up and head for the stables. Zoya and Fedyor mumble something to each other in the front, and you and Ivan follow. You decide that this is a good time to approach him and ask for discretion.
"You know, don't you?" Ivan stares at you for a moment, then nods silently. You swallow hard, nervously playing with the sleeve of your kefta. “Listen… can we keep this between us? I… I doubt it’s a good idea to talk about all this now. He doesn't need to have such rumours running about us in the Little Palace."
Ivan nods at you, agreeing with your words. But you can see that something is bothering him. For a moment he grits his teeth in silence, but then he mumbles under his breath, barely audible.
"He seems… less tense. Less worried." You blush along with him. You clear your throat and turn your gaze to the walls of the corridors you pass, thinking of a… neutral response to his observation.
"I... I guess he is."
"I think… I want to say… it's good that he has you." You look at him in surprise, almost tripping on the exit steps as he says this. The blush deepens on your cheeks as you think about what he told you. "Everyone needs their own Fedyor."
You smile, seeing his gaze on his other half. And perhaps for the first time you see that they actually fit together, and Ivan is worthy of your best friend. You wonder involuntarily if Aleksander looks at you like that when you don't see...
"Yeah... I think you are right. Thank you, Ivan. You are a good friend. For both of us. Well, mostly to him." You say, referring to Aleksander. Ivan nods in silent agreement.
This strange harmony between you seems to be going strong. You are united by one goal. The good of your shadow summoner.
The four of you reach the stables. Alexei - the inferni, who as Fedyor mentioned was supposed to join your mission and had a crush on you quite openly, runs up to you quickly. But your eyes and attention are focused only on the general. Or rather, on the general and his sun summoner, as other Grishas maliciously called it.
Your blood boils, a strange feeling of jealousy hits you like a hunter's shotgun hits an animal, and you can't even do anything about it as Alina is clearly flirting with him. All you can do is stand there and try to swallow the bile of jealousy with dignity as Alina adjusts the collar of Aleksander's kefta. He somehow senses your burning gaze on him, but you quickly turn away and mount your horse without even waiting for his reaction.
He's lucky you're not official yet. And that it'll be hours before you can calm down before you can talk to him in private. But you're starting to understand why keeping your relationship a secret no longer works for the Black General. Especially when you see the way his jaw clenches when you laugh at some joke of Alexei's, causing the young inferni to give you lovey-dovey puppy eyes, to which you wink back.
You may have been cruel, but the knowledge that your lover was as jealous of you as you were of him calmed you down a bit and lifted your spirits. And if by any chance you made sure that Alina rode with you and away from Aleksander during the journey, that wasn't intentional at all. Not at all.
"So... Ivan knows." Aleksander comments as you lay in his tent, wrapped in his arms.
Ivan stood guard over your small camp while the rest slept. You decided to take the opportunity to sneak in on your shadow summoner to share the revelation. And maybe just a little to steal a few kisses and hugs from him.
"Indeed." You mumble, playing with his fingers that are slowly dripping shadows.
You bring one of his fingertips to your lips and press a small kiss there, which makes Aleksander's heart melt even more for you. He tightens his grip around you and presses a tender kiss to the top of your head before resting his bearded cheek on it with a small sigh.
"Well... sonner or later Fedyor will figure it out too. It's just the matter of time."
"Maybe... that's why I want to enjoy you in privacy for as long as I can." You prop yourself up on your elbow and lean in to steal a quick kiss. You pull away from him with a smile, but you frown, not finding any of the malice in his eyes that he would normally have at this gesture. Something was wrong.
"Y/N... Don't you think that's enough? We've been going around each other for a long time. I think the rest should know about us." A cold shiver runs through you at his words.
You try to control your heartbeat, but you know perfectly well that you are no longer able to hide your emotions from him so well. He knew you as well as you knew him.
He knew that you were not exactly keen on making your relationship public. That is why you cannot lie and pretend that it is not so. You have to convince him to change his mind somehow... but how?
"But it's so sexy to have you all to myself, a secret from everyone. Don't you love the thrill every time we sneak around each other for a kiss or something more?"
"I like that. But I don't like that I can't hold your hand outside the four walls of our chambers. I don't like that I can't go up to you and kiss you when you look so lovely after training with Fedyor or Zoya. I don't like that I have to watch others flirt with you and touch what's mine. I don't like that I can't make your cheeks blush in front of others. I don't like that I can't look at you for as long as I want without suspicion. I don't like that I can't play with your hair during particularly boring council meetings. I don't like that I have to hide the fact that I love you."
His confession hits you harder than any punch Baghra had ever given you during training. You swallow hard and kneel down next to him, watching him carefully as you try to process what he’d just told you.
"You... love me?"
"I do. And if it is not enough for you to make it public... I don't know if I can go on like this anymore. I don't know if I can keep my trembling hands from reaching for you in the light of day, not just in the darkness of night or my shadows. I need more. I need all of you, Y/N."
You stare at him, utterly shocked by his sudden confession. His words both overwhelm you and warm your heart, but it's not enough to quell the panic rising within you.
Because as much as you want to be his, as much as you want him to be yours, you know that the members of the Second Army won't look so... favourably on your romance. Besides the public opinion... you're afraid that once the thrill of excitement and mystery wears off, Aleksander's feelings for you will fade dramatically and he'll realise that you're not a good match at all and that Alina would be a better choice for him.
"I... it's hard for me... to give you an answer now." You mumble, watching anxiously as his brow furrows, face darkening as he retreats back into his shell and tries to hide his true emotions from you.
"I thought it should be easy. You either want me or not."
"I want you." You respond quickly, reaching out for his arm in panic and holding it in a tight, almost bruising grip. The desperation on your face makes Aleksander sigh with relief inside. You cared. That was for sure. So why do you hesitate for so long and postpone the inevitable?
"Then why do you insist on keeping us hidden?"
You don't answer. You know he'll think your uncertainty about his feelings is baseless and pointless. You think it's stupid. But you can't escape the overwhelming feeling that the moment your romance stops being a tightrope, his feelings for you will burn out like a candle. And you really wanted to keep him by your side.
Your silence, however, is not what he wants. Or something that could help you stop him. He nods silently and stands up from your makeshift bed of blankets.
"Where are you going?"
"Outside. I'll take guard duty for Ivan." He replies emotionlessly. You swallow nervously and sit up, following him with your eyes as he puts on his black coat as he is giving you a cold arm.
"Aleksander." You whisper with a pained tone in your voice. He stops for a moment and gives you a long, haunted look. He sighs and shakes his head at your silence and walks out of the tent, leaving you alone.
The lump in your throat grows and tears well up in your eyes. You close your eyelids and lift your head, taking a few calming breaths. You fucked this up. Not for the first time, but this time you really hoped you wouldn't get cold feet and that you'd somehow stifle that little voice in your head that had always questioned your worth.
Because you felt you weren't worthy of Aleksander. Yet for some twisted reason he thought you were perfect for him. Maybe this time you should take a chance and trust him? Trust that at the end of the day he'll decide you're enough and that you don't have to be a Sun Summoner to be his equal?
After a while, you stand up unsteadily and walk to the tent flap. You glance through it and freeze when you see Alina and Aleksander talking quietly by the fire. She says something to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, but instead of moving away from her touch, he seems to cling to her and answers her with one of those smiles that make your knees weak. You feel a painful stab in your heart. As if scalded, you jump away from the tent flap and lie back down in the pile of blankets.
You bury your nose in the material that has soaked in the scent of the Shadow Summoner and close your eyes as tears freely flow down your cheek and soak into the black fur. A hundred dark thoughts, doubts, and different scenarios in which Aleksander leaves you for Alina go through your head, and to be completely honest, you don't blame him. She was a real sun. How could you possibly compare to her? You were stupid and naive to think that he would stick to you when he could have her.
The only comfort you find is that at the end of your crying, when you had no more tears to shed and were only shaking uncontrollably, Alexander came back. He came back and practically silently laid down next to you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest, burying his nose in your hair. He sighed quietly and ran his thumb over your waist, holding you so tightly as if you were the most important thing in his life, and he couldn't let you slip through his fingers.
You don't make a move, don't give any sign that you're awake. You spend the rest of the night half-awake as you try to memorize the way Aleksander holds you, the way he still wants to come back to your bed at night.
Because something tells you that this state of affairs won't last long.
"Just as I thought, you look adorable even after a week of horseback riding and searching for a group of Drüskelle." Alexei compliments you as you and Zoya return to camp after scouting. You let out an uncontrollable laugh at this, amused by the absurdity of his flirting, and join the group sitting around the campfire.
"It's a pity I can't say the same about you." You say spitefully and accept from Aleksander, who is sitting next to you, a stick with a fish that Fedyor and Alina had caught earlier. Aleksander takes another stick with a raw fish and starts roasting it again. Everyone else laughs at your remark, even Alexei.
"You'll see, one day I will melt your cold heart." You roll your eyes at this. Zoya, sitting next to you, hits your arm in amusement.
"Come on, Y/N. Tell us about this secret lover of yours. Maybe it will cool Alexei's ardor."
Fedyor perks up at Zoya's words and nods enthusiastically, while Aleksander, sitting next to you, tenses slightly. You see that his knuckles have been clenching around the stick since Alexei began his flirtation with you. You fear his further reaction to this conversation, which is heading in a rather dangerous direction.
"You have a lover?! Who beat me to it?" Everyone around you laughs at the exaggeratedly hurt tone of Inferni's voice and the way he dramatically aimed his fishing rod at you. You smile involuntarily and shake your head, trying your best to keep the blush from spreading to your cheeks.
"Thanks for your concern, or rather curiosity, but my lover and I would rather keep our privacy. Besides, I can't talk about him left and right without his consent."
"Maybe it wouldn't bother him at all?" Aleksander comments, not looking at you, instead focussing his attention on the fish in the fire. You feel an uncomfortable feeling in your chest when he won't even look at you. The bitter feeling of guilt resurfaces within you, and you wonder how the hell you're supposed to fix what you've broken.
"Exactly! I don't care what you want, I wanna meet this guy who is the best sex you've ever had!" Zoya comments, practically making you choke on your own saliva and freeze in embarrassment.
Everyone around the fire is laughing at this and asking you snide questions about your mystery lover's… prowess. You glance briefly at Alexander and almost punch him in the arm when a smug, dark smile appears on his face. And from the mischievous glint in his eyes, you know he'll only put the final nail in the coffin of your embarrassment.
"The best sex you've ever had, you say?" He asks, amused, raising an eyebrow at you. You bite your lower lip and slam your shoulder into his, almost causing him to lose his balance and fall over the log. He laughs at your feeble attempt at attacking him.
"Oh, piss off." You snap at him but he just reaches over and ruffles your hair with his hand. It's only the deafening silence around you that makes you realize you've done something… wrong.
Everyone stares at Aleksander in shock, as if waiting for him to yell at you for overstepping his bounds, but he doesn't. You see genuine shock and surprise on their faces. Before your general can say anything, you take over, trying to save the day.
"What? Haven't you ever seen two good friends banter?" You sneer at them and nod at their sticks. "Your food will burn if you sit there with your mouths open and stare at us much longer."
Somehow your words disenchant them. They go back to their usual joking, teasing demeanour, and the camp buzzes with their conversations again. You glance at Aleksander, and you can see from his face that he doesn't like the way you've handled this. You know this was the perfect opportunity to admit you're together, but after what you saw last night—the way he acted with Alina—you got too scared to tell them. If they all didn't know you were together, maybe his inevitable departure would hurt less?
You flinch as your secret lover sitting next to you suddenly takes the stick with the fish out of your hands.
"You'll burn it if you stay in your tangled thoughts any longer." He grumbles and takes the fish off the stick. You see he's completely abandoned his in favor of preparing your meal. You nod with a smile as he hands you a slice of bread and seasons the fish with the spices you brought with you.
Unconsciously to you, someone's eyes are watching the two of you closely.
Aleksander thrusts the food under your nose. You instinctively lean forward and bite into the offered sandwich, used to him feeding you, most often in the late hours of the night, when you both sit in the war room and spend time planning new tactics. You glance around quickly, but fortunately the others are too busy with themselves to notice. Or so you think.
"You're going to burn your own fish." You notice and take your food from him.
He's holding his stick back, and you decide to give him a bite of his before he gets his food. After all, he practically made you yours. You make sure no one notices and feed Alexander. He hums and brushes his lips against your fingertips before licking them teasingly. You sigh and punch him in the arm, to which he just grins wolfishly at you and winks.
You feel warm just from your playful exchange. And as the darkness grows deeper, you reach for Aleksander's hand and hold it tightly, shielding it with the hem of your coat. You smooth your thumb over the back of his hand, laughing at the stories Zoya tells. Aleksander seems much less tense, and a little satisfied, when you hold his hand tightly in yours.
And while you think no one has noticed, they have. Or at least one of them has.
At some point, Aleksander gives you his coat, insisting in a quiet conversation between you that you'll freeze and get sick if you don't take it and that he'll be fine because he's survived winters much worse than this one, and with much thinner clothing.
Your heart aches that he's had such an experience, but for the sake of peace, you take the black coat from him. You blush when he whispers that when he gets back, he'll make sure David makes you one that matches his, so everyone knows you're his.
And when he presses his lips to your forehead to check that your body temperature isn't too low for his liking, Fedyor awkwardly reveals that he's been watching you.
"Saints, Fedyor!" Alina squeaks in panic as the heartrender somehow loses his balance on the log and almost falls into the fire.
He hadn't leaned any closer to hear what you were whispering, and he hadn't nearly fallen into the fire in shock when he was the only one to notice their general's affectionate treatment of you. Not at all.
"Are you okay?" You ask him worriedly and kneel down next to him.
Fedyor swallows, trying hard not to show that he noticed the way Kirigan's gaze softens when he looks at you. He was such an idiot. How could he not have noticed that before?
"Yeah... yeah, I am fine. I should probably just go to sleep. Ivan?" Fedyor calls his beloved.
He helps him up and leads him to their tent. Before he can ask even one question about his well-being, Fedyor blurts out:
"Did you notice that Y/N and general are... very close?" Ivan at first seems not to react to his words. Fedyor only realises, through the very slight acceleration of his heartbeat, that perhaps his partner knows something more about... the unexpected connection between his best friend and the Black General. "Ivan... do you know what I think you know?"
"What do you think you know?" Ivan clears his throat awkwardly as they both enter their tent.
"Oh saints, you know right?! How long?! Was it that obvious?!"
Fedyor's mind flashes back to a million moments when your feelings for each other were painfully obvious. He remembers how Kirigan would let you playfully tease him, how he would always make sure you weren't overworking yourself and were eating the right amount of meals, and how he would look after your well-being. Hell, the general even delayed your trip to the fold because you were sick with a cold from your recent trip to Kertch! And he had behaved like a jilted, angry, resentful lover during those months! It was so painfully obvious that Kirigan was head over heels in love with you... but were you? Or was it just a passing fling? Fedyor had to know more.
"That's why we shouldn't get involved and let them decide for themselves… Fedyor, honey, where are you going?" Ivan asks confused as his other half runs out of the tent.
Fedyor throws a quick see you later over his shoulder and runs to your tent hoping to find you there so he can have a serious talk with you.
And fortunately he succeeds.
"You told Ivan, and you didn't tell me?! I am your best friend!" Fedyor shouts at the entrance to your tent. You stare at him, holding the report the falcon just delivered to you in your hands, as you are trying to understand what he means. You blush as you realise what he could be so angry about.
"I… since when did you…"
"Oh please. You've obviously been like this the whole time. I'm a fool for not making the connection. It's literally written all over his face that he loves you. What about you?" Fedyor sits on your blankets. Your palms are sweating and you put the reports on the ground, wondering how the hell you're going to get out of this situation now.
"I… it's complicated."
"Love is quite complicated. Maybe that's why you gave Alina a deadly look a few days ago when she was practicing her powers with the general? And you snapped at her, giving her a completely traumatic tantrum when she lost her sword?"
"I… it wasn't intentional and you know it." You mumble, blushing even more, but this time with embarrassment.
"It's a simple question Y/N. You either feel it or you don't. And from what I see, you probably also… reciprocate. Although it's clear that he fell much harder."
"You think?" You ask with a smirk, unable to help yourself at his comment. Fedyor nods and stands up. He walks over to the shadow and places his hands on your shoulders.
"Yes. And believe me, I don't blame him. If I didn't play for the same team, or didn't have similar tastes as you, it would be really hard for me not to fall in love with you."
"Yeah, I know. We'd be a great couple if you weren't gay." You laugh at him and pull him into a hug. "But don't tell Ivan or Kirigan that."
"Sure. We don't want to upset our grumps, do we?"
Your laughter is the first thing Aleksander hears as he approaches your tent. He opens the flap with one finger and sees you standing in Fedyor's arms, laughing. A cry of jealousy and a sudden need to take you in his arms and hide you from the other man pierce his mind for a moment, but he calms down, reminding himself that Fedyor... is no threat to him. At least not romantically.
"Can I interrupt?" He asks and goes inside. You step away from Fedyor and nod at him.
Fedyor nods at him and leaves, throwing you a mischievous wink over his shoulder. Alexander notices this and connects the dots rather quickly. He walks over to you and wraps his arms around your waist. He plants a kiss on your forehead, then rests his chin on your shoulder.
"So I guess he knows?"
His hot whisper against your ear makes you shiver. You burrow your face into his chest, nuzzling his neck as you wrap your arms around him in an equally tight embrace. Maybe Fedyor is right? Maybe when you know… you just know?
"Yeah... At this rate soon the entire Little Palace will know."
"Do you mind?" He asks uncertainly, expecting his words to hang in the air and for it to take you a while to respond with another excuse.
But you decide to bet on the truth. Show him all your cards and the same vulnerability he has for you. It was going to be everything or nothing and you knew you couldn't put it off for long. Not if you didn't want to lose him.
"Partly. I... I am afraid that once it will stop being a secret affair you will... loose your interest in me. I mean... look at me. I am not Alina." You laugh nervously and try to hide your face in his black kefta. Aleksander is not having that. He gently takes your middle and forces you to look into his dark, beautiful eyes.
"I don't want you to be Alina. I don't want you to be anything else but you, Y/N. I love you as you are. Heartrender, healer, sun summoner, inferni or whatever else, I don't care. I care about you. The way you make me feel. The way you hold me. The way you kiss me. I want you for what you really are. Not for the power you hold. Not for anything other than you."
You can barely hold back the tears in your eyes. Instead, you just nod and lean in to kiss him softly. You melt, as always, at the softness of his lips, the way he gently cups your cheeks in his hands and holds you like you're the most important thing in his life, like he can never afford to lose you. And you hope it stays that way forever.
"You damn manipulator how can I say no after that?" You gasp as the kiss ends and he rests his forehead against yours. He chuckles deeply and envelops you in the tight, warm, safe embrace of his arms.
"You can't." He mumbles against your temple and places a tender kiss there. "You are all mine. As I am yours, milaya."
And you have to say, his words have never felt more true, as he kisses you with a passion unlike any other men. You only hope that he secretly draws 'mine' on your skin for the rest of your life… not just in his shadows and the darkness of the night.
secret relationship!lilypad but sirius tries his hardest to make them public without actually telling anyone or anyone finding out. he lives for the thrill of people not knowing but only having to take a double take for them to know
like, he sneaks lily into their dorm. remus and james in the beds next to his while he fucks her. no silencing spell or anything
Twilight Peach cat in the winter forest by Claudia Barzaeva
Spoopy 🌿👻🪦👻🌿
Overgrown Cemetery, the first prompt for Drawtober!
Ben Barnes & Elle Fanning crackship requested by anon Please like or reblog if using :)
jegulily is actually so powerful
- This is all the family you need. Right here. - Oh, thanks. That's nice.
1.13 'Memento Mori'
In the darkness
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x fem! Alina's sister! Sun Summoner! reader Summary: After you and Alina destroyed the fold, she killed Aleksander and became queen at Nikolai's side, you took the place, tittle and chambers of the General of the Second Army. And then... strange things starts to happen in the darkness. Warning(s): obsessive behaviour; toxic relationship; voyeurism; Aleks manipulates the reader, the reader gives in to him; the reader is alone and needs someone *cough* her Darkling; fight; violence; dark reader; Word Count: 9,2 k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~
You won. Alina won. The fold did not exist anymore… as well as he. Ravka was safe. And the new royal couple was supposed to provide it with peace and splendor. That's what they were saying.
Nobody talked about the fallen. About the thousands of Grishas still living in fear. About thousands were imprisoned by Fjerdans and Shu-Hans who experimented on them.
All that mattered was that the Darkling was dead. The darkness disappeared. The shadows left with their last summoner, whose body he begged you to burn.
And maybe, after all, he was cruel. Maybe he knew that despite everything he had done, you still loved him, and his request (as well as his staring at you as if you were his only light and the only one thing he wanted to look at before his death) would completely break your already battered heart.
Maybe that was his last act of manipulation and control over you. A pleasure he couldn't slip out of his fingers. Maybe seeing you sobbing over him was the last goal he set for himself, before he leaves this world after the centuries he has lived. Centuries of constant fighting and flight. Centuries of leaving in his own shadows, in hatred, each time he looked at the fold, he was reminded that he wasn't able to achieve his goal.
That he was utterly alone...
Just as you are now.
Or maybe he just loved you, and you didn't want to admit it to yourself...
And now, laying on the bed in which he used to sleep, on the bed he used to hold you, on the bed he spent with you many sleepless nights and long, late mornings, you know that no matter what renovation this room will have, it will always remind you of him.
Your Aleksander... your equal... your monster.
You shiver as the cold, winter air comes to his... your room. You get up from the bed and walk to the window to close the door.
You look at the palace gardens and immediately remind yourself of the days before you found out he was Black Heretic, before that fatal Winter Fete.
Two years ago, Aleksander was chasing you around gardens, laughing, snowballs fighting, and doing all the stupid things he couldn't do in the daylight.
Two years ago, your life looked like a fairytale, and you were blessed to live in it. Now it is much closer to tragedy. And knowing how the events would turn out, you would have definitely cherished those simple, peaceful days with Aleksander by your side more while they lasted.
You sigh, absently stroking your right hand where Aleksander ordered David to physically embed the amplifier into you a few months ago.
You were pathetic. Missing the man who manipulated you, who hurt your sister, who wanted to kill your friends, who hurt Genya... but that was why you couldn't fully hate him. He did everything to achieve his goal. He hurt everyone who stood in his way.
Except you.
Never you.
And it hurt more than if he had physically hurt you.
He always held you up as his equal. The son of a bitch even had his kefta re-stitched to have gold embroidery to represent your power. He wore your combined colours with pride. Just like you did before you discovered how many sweet lies he had fed you since the day you first met him.
Tears come to your eyes as you remember how that fucking bastard, moments before Alina drove the shadow sword through his abdomen, lunged at his Nichevo'yas to stop them from attacking you. You saw the vulnerability and the fear in his eyes until your light drove the shadow monsters away from you. And relief, which was replaced by painful shock when Alina took advantage of his moment of inattention and killed him.
It had never occurred to you to hurt Alina before... except that fateful day.
You wipe the tears from your cheeks with your hand and turn to go back to the bed. You had a meeting with several colonels, including Fedyor and Ivan. The two were also torn apart by the war.
At least Fedyor still has his Ivan alive to atone for his sins. - you think bitterly, even jealousy, as you somehow manage to fall asleep in this big, empty, cold bed.
And when you close your eyes, the candle that was lit on the nightstand that once belonged to Aleksander goes out as you fall into a deep sleep.
If you had been a little more alert, you would have seen shadows that created a curtain covering the window, thus blocking the moonlight from entering your chamber.
"I have no intention of punishing them, Alina." you tell your sister as you work at the war table. Aleksander's plans were somehow still preserved. And you review them, updating and changing them according to your needs.
"They fought alongside the Darkling. What kind of general are you? What example will you set by not punishing those who defied the crown and followed their Black General?"
"That's why I have no intention of doing anything about it, your majesty. You were Grisha yourself before you lost your powers. Whose side would you fight for—the king who hates them or the general who gave them a safe place? And please try to put aside our personal prejudices and see the whole thing, not just a little peace through the prism of your hatred towards him, because we both know damn well that Aleksander was many things. A good commander was one of them."
"I never wanted to be a Grisha." Alina says this with pain in her eyes. You know this very well. You wouldn't have wanted to be a Sankta or general either... if it weren't for Aleksander.
"But you were. You can't just forget about that, Sol Koroleva."
"You're definitely not making it easy for me." she sighs tiredly, smiling at you. She sits down in the chair next to you and takes your hand. "If I could turn back time and... not bring Mal back to life and not lose my power, I would. I wouldn't leave you alone with this, you know, right?"
"I know... but that's not how things went..." you say, swallowing, as you let go of the papers and look at your sister. "But that's okay. I will keep an eye on your children and grandchildren... Maybe one of them will become the next Sun Summoner? Who knows?" you laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but by the look Alina gives you, you know that your tone wasn't as carefree as you wanted it to be.
"Y/N... I'm sorry." you interrupt her before she begins to pity you, before her compassion overwhelms you to the point where you sink into your own pain and suffering, which inevitably entails an eternity ahead of you. And that was just the beginning.
"You don't have to... I... I can always die somehow. I don't have to live forever."
"We both know that's not in your blood to give up. You will fight till the end... till Grishas and Ravkans will live as equals in a safe country."
"Maybe yes... or maybe I will throw it all to hell and go around the world. I remember that Kaz once proposed to me to join their little group of thieves. It could be fun."
You both laugh at that. Then Alina gives you a sad, apologetic look before asking you a very dangerous and… hurting question.
"Do you miss him? Aleksander?"
A dead silence falls between you after her whispering question. As if his name were something forbidden to say out loud between you two. You play with the sleeve of your white kefta with gold embroidery, wondering how to answer this obvious question.
"Sometimes... but I guess it's only because I don't want to... to be alone like him..."
"Did you love him? At the day I killed him?" she asks, assuming that you stopped loving him at the moment he stopped breathing; at the moment when his black, poisoned by Merzost heart stopped beating… as it was just that simple for you to forget about him. The man who made you who you are now. The man who was first to show you how extraoridnary you are. Who understood you more than your sister - your supposed closest person in the world.
"I care more to have someone by my side through all of this that's about to happen… someone who will stay for longer than almost a century. I guess I'm starting to understand why he was chasing after us… why he wanted us by his side in his damn glorious purpose."
"He was chasing after you. He only cared about you. Not only because you were a Sun Summoner." she says it so lightly and so obviously that you start to wonder if she's deliberately trying to break you.
But if Aleksander taught you anything, it was how to keep your true emotions deep inside your heart. So you put your lips into a mocking smile and reply to her in a joking tone.
"Maybe. We will never find out. Anyway, I don't want to."
Fedyor's and Ivan's arrival rescued you from this unconvenient conversation. You nod to Alina as she leaves. She gives Ivan a hating, untrusyful look before guards close the door behind her. You look at the two heartrenders.
"It's good to see you both. I have some questions about these plans, and as general Kirigan's closest people, I assume, you both can explain some things to me, which I don't quite get right now."
You clear your throat, trying to forget about what you and Alina were talking about and focus on what the two men in front of you are saying. But it's hard to look at the Dark General's notes and plans and just not think of your Aleksander... Especially when those damn wooden soldiers are just as spread out on his war table as they were on the night of the Winter Fiesta when you run away from him.
And you have neither the heart nor the strength to move it to another place…
"Fedyor, can you leave us both for a while? You can wait for Ivan behind the door." you say after you've gotten through most of the stuff. Fedyor gives you a surprised look but doesn't question your order. He goes out, leaving you with Ivan, who has been giving you an unfavourable, almost hostile look since he sat down in the chair. You wouldn't care if the situation didn't require you to cooperate with him. After all, he was Aleksander's right-hand man. He probably knew the most about war tactics in the entire Second Army. And now that the fold was gone and you had to defend and fortify yourselves on all fronts, you would need all the help you could get. "Why are you looking at me like that? What's your problem?" you ask the heartrender, watching him carefully.
You both stared at each other for a moment. Ivan tries to hold back something, but the moment he notices Aleksander's ring—the only souvenir you let yourself leave after him—something inside him breaks.
"How dare you sit in his chair, having his tittle, want to do exactly the same things in the Second Army, using the same tactics as he did? You all are no different from him. Actually, you are much worse, and you call him a monster when everything he did was for us. For our safety, so that we can finally break free from the power of Otkazat'syas."
"I know you were loyal to him, but..."
"He had done nothing wrong. And you know it." he cuts you off before you can say anything else. The feeling of guilt awakens within you again, the uncomfortable lump in your throat every time you talk to someone about him growing stronger again. "I hope you also know that you and your sister destroyed everything he was working at. That Ravka will spill blood under your rule. That Lantsov prince will be the same as his father, as every king from their dynasty was."
"Be careful how you talk to me. I am your general now, Ivan. You should probably get used to it, before I change my mind and let Alina execute you." you say it coldly and grab a glass from the table to drink the whisky. "You can leave now."
"Of course, general." he said coldly, but before he stood up to leave, he put a black envelope on your desk.
"What is that?" you ask him, but he just bows to you and leaves. Only when the door closes behind him with a bang do you allow yourself to take the envelope in your hands.
Seeing Aleksander's seal—the eclipsed sun—makes you release the envelope from your hand as if it was burning you. You let it fall to the desk; your eyes focused only on it.
You hold your breath as your fingers land on the seal and stroke it tenderly. You remember the first letter you received from him... right after your first night together, when he had to leave the Little Palace for a while on important matters. He wrote to you every day until he came back again, heading straight into your arms and ignoring the fact that the General of the First Army and the colonels were waiting for him in the council chamber.
With trembling hands, you take the dagger and cut the envelope at the top so as not to break the last seal he left behind and get into the contents of the envelope.
A pendant falls from the envelope with a clatter onto the table. You leave the envelope with the letter and take the pendant in your hands, looking at it carefully.
It is a silver, convex oval with some vines engraved on the front, decorated with small, round pieces (your favourite gemstone). Initials are engraved on the back: A.M. You huff, realising that even in death, he wanted to make sure you were his in some way. And you're about to put the pendant down and hide it somewhere, where you would never find it again, but then suddenly you press something and it opens.
You gasp as you see what's hidden inside. Bone. A medium-sized, most likely from a wrist, finger, or other small part of the skeletal system.
You rummage through the envelope, and, apart from the letter, you find a small note that was probably attached to the necklace.
In case you need a reminder of your real power...
You lift the bone and feel your power flow through you, amplified. You sigh, feeling just like those months ago when his skin pressed against yours as he let you draw on his empowering abilities. You feel a tear roll down your cheek as you tremble with an overwhelming, long-forgotten feeling.
A knock on the door makes you panic, opening your desk drawer and gathering all your items into it. You close the drawer just as Zoya walks in, followed by your colonels. You rub your forehead, mentally getting ready for the next meeting.
However, you can't stop thinking about the envelope and necklace from Aleksander hidden in the drawer.
And if you were more observant, you would notice how shadows are hiding in the corner of the war room, watching you attentively, waiting for the right moment when they can come out of their hiding place. Or at least a bee that flew out of an open window.
You lie in your bed late at night. You stopped trying to fall asleep a long time ago. You laied on your back, breathing calmly with your eyes closed as you were wondering about the new informations from the camps close to the border.
The war was comming. You had right. Aleksander had right. Fjerdans and Shu-Hans wanted to use occasion and attack Ravka, since a fold has gone and now nothing stopped them from attack a West Ravka. If you lost your ports and supplies of food, raw materials and gold, you will lose that war and many will lose their lifes.
You were laying there, wondering about your next move in upcoming war. You shiver suddenly, feeling oddly. A strange chill spread through your body as you went into a more alert mode.
Subconsciously, you look around in the dark, trying to spot the dark, familiar irises. You're doing it under some irrational delusion that he is able to observe you even when he is dead. That he can watch your every move even though you watched his body burn...
Although he has already proved many times in his long, many-centuries life that he is capable of anything he wants...
With a flip of your wrist, a ball of light appears in a room. There was no one. Just you and your paranoya You frown and remove the ball of light as you lay back on the bed.
You sigh heavily, lying on your side. You watch a candle burning on the nightstand on the side that used to be Aleksander's. You watch the fire for a moment, admiring the colours of the flame and how it goes along with a soft wind from the opened window, and then blow it out. You close your eyes, listening to your surroundings, and just as you're about to drift off into blissful unconsciousness, you hear something like a cold whisper in your ear, which makes you shiver.
They are going to lose. They can't rule this country. They know nothing about the pain of war.
That tought appear in your mind, sounding extremaly like somebody you used to know very well... you shake your head. You were not going to imagine his voice on your head. You weren't go mad, were you?
Besides, that was a stupid tought. You will figure it out with Alina and the rest, just as you always do. Grishas will be safe. You will sacrifice your life to make it happen. Horrifyingly, you realise that someone before you has taken a similar oath.
Yet still, you can't help but look at the side of your chamber where Aleksander's letter is, hidden in your desk's drawer. You are so tempting to read it, even after all that happened between you both.
"Get out of my head." you whisper to yourself, as he was still linked with you somehow. As he was still able to appear in a room with you at any second.
You missed him. You admit it to yourself in the darkness of the bedroom you two used to share. But that didn't mean that you would bring him back in some way. He was too dangerous for the good of other people and too unpredictable. Irronicaly, he cared too much. And you were afraid that you were inevitably walking in his path; you were in the same place as he was all those years and centuries ago. But, contrary to him, you will have no one by your side. You will be utterly alone.
You try fall asleep, closing your eyes and ignoring the tears that fall on your pillow. If you learned anything from Aleksander, it was to let no one witness your suffering. They wouldn't understand your pain anyway.
There were no others like you. And there will never be ever again…
Against your better judgement, you quickly get up from the bed, and, before you can change your mind, with a ball of white light in your hand, you walk to the desk, illuminating your path.
You open the drawer and pull out that damned letter, hoping that reading it will give you some kind of closure you need.
You hold it with trembling hands, trying to ignore the fact that Aleksander's familiar handwriting was less refined and more cursive and simpler. There were also black traces of his blood in some places on the page. Even before you start reading, your heart sinks as you think about how Merzost was slowly killing him, as he was completely alone after Baghra's death—as alone as you are now.
And the first line is enough to bring the first pitiful tears to your eyes.
Moya milaya. Moya soverenyia,
The damn bastard knew you would take over his position. He was probably having a lark in hell right now, watching you cry over his letter, how you regretted every decision you made that got you here, and how you tried so hard to hate him with all your heart, but you just simply couldn't. And that made you hate yourself more when, despite everything, you entered the trap he had prepared specially for you while he was still living and clutched the letter in your hands, trying to read it despite the tears constantly appearing in your eyes and blurring your vision.
He wrote to you what you have already heard. That he isn't sorry, that he would do the exact same things except that he would make you his equal, that he wouldn't let you escape his grasp so easily, that he would kill all your loved ones just to be your only shelter where you could go in case of any danger, or simply when you were too overwhelmed by loneliness, like he was many times in his very long life.
And you should hate him. You should be disgusted by this toxic relationship, by his obsessive desire for possession, and by his fear of abandonment. And you could already feel yourself being filled with spite and resentment towards this man, a man who had ruined the relatively peaceful lives of you and your sister... But as you read the last lines of his letter, your feelings towards him became more unclear than before reading that damn letter.
I will be waiting for you. With open arms.
Maybe time will help you realise that there is no other way and that my actions will be yours in the future… that I was not the villain in this story, even if I seemed to be a monster to you, my little Sankta.
Maybe you will finally come to accept that you and I are unity and that we belonged to each other even before the saints decided to create the two of us.
Eya fyela chi(I love you), moya solnyshka.
I always did.
Yours,
Aleksander
You didn't sleep anymore that night. Instead, you lie in bed, your thoughts filled with this damn man who, even after his death, continues to abuse your already bleeding heart for him.
Midnights become your afternoons, that were the hours when your brain works best. You stoped burning candles at night. Surprisingly, you were thinking much better when you were in complete darkness, where the only light comed from the moon shining through the open balcony door.
You spent many nights in bed writing in a notebook, taking notes and plans that came to you as the moon hung in the sky and most of the Little Palace fell asleep.
It has become your little ritual. You sipped kvass or whisky, thinking of military tactics and other manoeuvres in case Ravka was attacked by its neighbors. You often had Aleksander's old notes spread around you. And even more often, you twirled his necklace in your fingers as you pondered over your plans.
You stopped visiting Alina in the Grand Palace. You were less and less likely to be seen by her side. But you were almost always in Alexander's library, the war room, and the training field, looking after the young Grishas who trained under the supervision of Ivan, Fedyor and Zoya.
Without knowing why, you always waited until dusk. It was your favorite time and you couldn't even say why…
Maybe if you noticed that every time you fell asleep, tired, over your notebook, thoughts that didn't belong to you suddenly appeared on the paper; maybe if you noticed how your rooms were covered with more and more shadows night after night, blocking out the moonlight, to get you to sleep faster; and maybe if you noticed how the blanket wrapped tighter around you as you drifted off to sleep and your forehead was tickled by the touch of something soft and warm; then you would realise what was inevitably to come.
Or rather, who kept his eyes on you each night, hidden in the darkness and shadows of the chamber...
Kissing someone else's lips seemed sacrilegious to you. You felt like you were doing something wrong, like you were desecrating and breaking all moral laws. But after all, you were a free, single woman, a general leading her people to war.
You could have relaxed and slept with some handsome Inferni who offered to worship his saint, couldn't you?
As it turned out, you couldn't.
You kissed the man hungrily and threw off his kefta. The moment he reached for the buttoms of your own, he unexpectedly stumbled and fell straight into the spear that was in the rack for swords and other weapons.
You stood there in shock for a moment, wondering how on earth he did this. And if you had been more attentive, you would have noticed how the shadows quickly fled from your gaze, and two dark eyes watched intently as you helped Inferni stop the bleeding enough for him to make it to the healers' tent.
You sigh in frustration as the man disappears from your sight. You clean up his blood and wash your hands before taking off your clothes.
It gives you chills. Not because the cold air of the tent hits your hot skin, but because you feel a slight tickle at the most sensitive point of your neck.
You turn and look around the tent carefully.
For the past few weeks, as soon as you left the Little Palace, you had a strange feeling that something was fleetingly brushing against you from time to time. The feeling of this strange, ghostly touch accompanied you both day and night, whenever you were alone with your thoughts. You thought it was some kind of paranoia and tried to brush this feeling off. After all, no one could touch you if you were clearly alone in the room, with no sign of another living soul.
Once you're sure you're alone, you rub your hands over your arms. Your arousal and desire quickly fade as you remember the battle that awaits you tomorrow—the first as a general of the Second Army. You make sure your weapons and combat kefta are ready and in place before you go into bed and fall into a fitful sleep.
A few hours later, as you lie there, dreaming deeply, your tent fades to black. From the shadows emerged none other than Aleksander.
The man slowly walked towards you, careful not to make any move that would increase your vigilance. Ever since you left the walls of the Little Palace, it has become easier and easier for him to make his way to you, thanks to the bond he established between the two of you by giving you a piece of his bone in a necklace.
It boiled inside him when he saw you with another man. He acted rashly and instinctively, pushing him onto the spear. He was glad that you were careless enough not to notice his presence.
You weren't ready. Not yet.
And this time, he knew better than to push you forcefully into his plan.
"My little Sankta." he whispers, his hand gently brushing your curves hidden from his eyes under the blanket.
He doesn't do anything inappropriate. He would never take advantage of you or touch you against your will... well, at least not in any invasive way. He had several scenarios prepared in his head about how the night would go, when you would finally admit your true feelings and abandon the façade of a righteous Sankta of Ravkans and Grishas.
"Soon you'll realise what you're really missing." he whispers as his fingers tips caress the skin of your collarbones.
He picks up the necklace he gave you that you wore around your neck. He lets his shadows surround you, allowing the moonlight to shine on you enough for the silver pendant to reflect it, making it seem like it was glowing, as if it were a source of your powers.
"I will wait for you… until you finally come to me willingly and accept the obvious truth—that we belong together. I promise you, moya milaya, I won't let you forget this even for a moment. You're mine. You were mine the moment you entered that damn tent—the moment our eyes met before you went on the ship through the fold. You can't deny the connection between us. And soon, you will come to accept that you need a monster by your side. That without me, there will only be suffering, loss, and eternal struggle waiting for you. I've spent centuries struggling with all of this and much more… let's see how long this charming and annoying stubbornness of yours will last, lapushka. I have all the time on earth to watch you struggle with the hatred of this world all alone…"
He pulls the blanket tighter around you and takes the opportunity to inhale your scent, which he had missed so much during those months he had been hanging between the worlds of the living and the dead. He clung to his life with his claws... just to be this close to you again. And he knew he would do the exact same thing in a heartbeat if it led him close to you.
"And in time, when you realise that your little friends of yours are not enough for you, I will be back to you. And I will take you into my arms without hesitation. We are destined to be together. Sweet dreams, moya soverenyia." he whispers and places a tender kiss on your forehead.
You jump out of bed, screaming. You take a few quick breaths and put your hand to your mouth, trying to calm yourself down and not let the tears fall. Your tent is in complete darkness as you try to calm down from your nightmare in which all of your Grishas died in the battle, in which everyone blamed you and started to hunt you and chase after you, just like the king once chased after Aleks...
You let yourself cry silently into your pillow, unaware of the figure sitting next to you and a lifting hand that was just above you, moving as if stroking your back soothingly.
Eventually, you fall asleep, shaking. The shadow of your enemy and lover watches over you and keeps an eye on you without you being even slightly aware of it.
Two years, four months, one week and three days. That's how long the war with Fjerda and Shu Han lasted.
That's how long it took them to take over Ravka.
You have failed. Both the First and Second Armies.
Nikolai was dead. Alina was either dead or in hiding like you, although judging by the recent public execution of Zoya and Alina's other guards, you suspect they had her locked up somewhere until they caught you.
And they were doing very well, considering you were currently running through the forest, escaping from a group of Drüskelles.
You ran through the forest, the cold air stinging your hot cheeks as you made your way through the snowdrifts, occasionally sending a ball of light behind you to daze your pursuers and lose them, if only for a moment. But covering up your tracks was the worst thing—a nuisance worse than the cold seeping into your bones through your soaked clothes.
You hear a gunshot. You groan as the bullet bounces off your kefta, most likely adding another bruise to your collection.
Then everything happens quickly. You are surrounded and forced to fight with both your power and your melee. You're doing quite well when suddenly one of them twists your arm. You groan in pain and use one hand to summon a cut, but it is so weak that it only reaches the lesser half of the men.
As if in slow motion, you see one of the Drüskells pointing a gun at you. Then the clearing becomes dark. You step back in fear and stumble upon the body of one of the men you killed.
Everything goes quiet. There is a deathly silence in which you can only hear your wheezing and breathing. You summon your light and dispel the shadows to see the last person you expected to see... at least when you are still alive.
"But... I saw your death... I watched you burn..." you manage to stammer.
Aleksander just walks towards you, like it was a casual thing for him to do. His black kefta with gold embroidery is intact, at least compared to yours, which is blackened from bullets and patched in a few places. He looks practically like the day he died... except his face is devoid of black scars.
"Won't you even say hello to me, my Y/N?" he asks maliciously and extends his hand for you to take it and stand up with his help. You've seen this scene before. You've been in this situation before, and you promised yourself that you would never step into the same river again.
"You should be dead." you snap at him coldly and stand up on your own without his help. You see him frown as he takes a closer look at your dilapidated and miserable state as you try to move away from him as far as you can.
"Moya lapushka... do you think I would let something like death to keep me apart from you? That your little Sol Koroleva could ever kill me? After I lived a hundreds lifes? Fake a hundred deaths?" he asks mockingly, walking over to you. He cups your cheek in his hand and strokes it tenderly with his thumb. "No. I have too much experience with eternity, milaya. I promised you that you and I will change the world. I intend to keep that promise. As well as the one where I will always come back to you, remember?"
"You were here all this time... you watched me..."
"Simply keeping an eye on you." he interrupts you, and you give him a mad look, knowing full well that he's lying as you realise that all the random things and disasters that were happening around you were his fault... just like the few times you felt someone's ghostly touch on you. "Well... maybe I had also done a little bit more. But don't dramatise... after all, I have to look after what's mine."
"I was never yours." you say furiously, causing a hostile tension to arise between the two of you.
His presence brings you some relief, despite everything. But you know this feeling too well; you know HIM too well to let him manipulate you so he can use you in his plans again.
"Leave me. Live your life. I doubt anyone would be insane enough to resurrect you a second time." you growl angrily and run past him, hitting his shoulder with yours.
Before you can get away, he grabs your elbow. You hiss in pain, making him automatically let go of you. But he steps closer to you and carefully grabs your wrist, observing the blood seeping from your forearm and the swollen, bruised elbow—the result of your hand being twisted and falling to the ground—and the hard roots of the tree that had somehow broken through the now-red snow.
"You need a healer." he says calmly. He seems worried, as he is trying to stop the bleeding from your wound.
"I can handle it. Let me go." you say firmly. His dark-brown eyes meet yours, and you mentally curse yourself for how they can still charm you.
"Let me help you." he says it with such tenderness that you want to immerse yourself in his sweet words again, to surrender to that attraction that has always been present between you. "You don't have to be alone, moya milaya."
"I'm not alone." you deny quickly. However, you give in partially when the logical part of you allows him to give you a band-aid; this is something you are willing to accept from him.
"Aren't you, Y/N? Don't you feel a the weight of the fate of all Grishas on your beautiful, delicate shoulders? Haven't you misssed me all these single nights? When you were dreaming of my touch, of my voice..."
"And where were you when I really needed you?! When your people were dying on the borders! When innocent people died when they took Ravka! Where the hell were you then?!" you shout at him in anger and move away from him before he can tie a makeshift sling around your arm from the black shawl he untucked from around his neck.
"Making sure that YOU will not kill yourself, while playing a hero." he replies calmly, his gaze unwavering on you as his composure throws you even further off balance.
"If you care about me so much, why didn't you stand by my side? Why didn't you help me save Grishas?"
"You said yourself that you don't need a monster. That you can handle it perfectly well on your own, little Saint. I told you and tried to warn you that you can't do it on your own, and neither can I. But you had to be stubborn. These are your words: 'Let them come.' I did. I let them come. Are you satisfied?"
"You let all these people die to just prove your point?" you ask, shocked. He takes advantage of your momentary lapse in vigilance to bandage your arm and place it in a sling made of his black shawl.
"No. I let all these people die to make you see the truth that you are trying to avoid so hard."
"Which is?"
"Don't pretend, moya milaya. I am a patient man, but we lost enough time. Can you honestly claim that you are against me? That you would choose these fools over me again? That you didn't wish to have an equal again? Someone who will stand by your side no matter what? Someone who will protect you? I can be all of this to you and even more. All you have to do, lapushka, is accept that we are all we need. That you and I was enchanted to unite a long time ago. I want you to see all these things from my side of the story, to understand why I did what I did, and why I intend to continue what I have planned."
He talks so smoothly about death, as if it were nothing. And you would have the right to feel outraged by this fact and hate him again if the smell of the metallic blood of the people who hunted you wasn't in the air. People you killed without blinking an eye.
As he caresses your cheek tenderly and stares at you with affection and an understanding you haven't seen in anyone else's face since his death, you can't help but wonder... if he was actually right when he said that in time his actions would be yours.
He leans closer to you. Your noses brush as he rests his forehead against yours. You shiver, feeling his warm breath on your cheek.
"Aleksander..." you whisper shakily as his scent reaches you, his warmth warming your body, frozen from the cold and the exertion of running away. You feel like you're just realising that he's really here. That he's alive.
And you welcome the familiar tingle of your power inside you that he brings back to life with his amplifier powers as his lips capture yours.
And you wanted to move away. Really. You wanted to remain indifferent towards him and laugh at him for still feeling something for you. Scold him for even hoping that you would just melt back into his touch after what happened between you, how he hurt you, and how obsessive and possessive he was.
But all you do is moan against his lips as you respond to his kiss.
It's not one of those hungry, greedy kisses stolen in moments when you were completely alone and couldn't fight the growing tension between you any longer and just had to release it by consuming each other with your desires.
It's gentle, so much so that you're afraid that the butterfly feeling of his lips on yours will disappear in any moment and you'll find that he never came back, that he was just a sweet, cruel delusion of your exhausted mind.
But the moment he tangles one of his hands in the hair at the back of your head and puts the other on your waist to press you against the tree so gently as to not hurt you accidentally, you know it's real. And you can't stop responding to his kiss or pretending that you don't want to caress his lips with yours just as passionately. Or pretend that the thought of pulling away isn't sinful to you.
You pull away from each other after a long moment. Not far, though. His nose brushes against yours as you breathe heavily, both of you with your eyes closed, drinking in the other's warmth and scent after so many years of fighting with each other and your desires... after so many years of being utterly alone.
Your shaky breaths come out of your mouths in grey clouds and merge together. Only now do you notice how warm he is compared to you.
"Come. You can't stay here." he says, taking off his warm coat with black fur sewn to the hood. He puts it on you and pulls the hood over your head.
"You don't need to..." he interrupts you, picking you up in bridal style. He holds you close to his chest and walks in a direction unknown to you, a clear plan etched on his face as he scans the surroundings for any danger in your path. "Hey! Put me down! I can walk by myself! Besides, I don't want to go anywhere with you!" you protest, struggling in his arms.
"I know, milaya. Rest. I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to. I'm just making sure you will be safe when I'm gone. That's why I'm taking you to Grishas' camp. They will cure you there. Besides, your followers anxiously await your return, my little Saint. You are their only hope now."
"When you gone?" you ask slightly panicked and shift your gaze to him.
The weight of responsibility settles on your shoulders once again as you realise how many lives are counting on you... and the one person you can look to for support is, inconveniently, now something of an enemy to you.
But... can you feel towards your enemy the way you feel for him? Can you kiss an enemy as passionately as you did just a second ago? Can an enemy look at you with such care and adoration?
"Do you wish me to stay with you, lapushka?" he glanced at you briefly, just enough to ask you his question.
A dead silence falls between you. You don't need words to understand each other. And it was something that had always both terrified you and made the bond between you more and more irresistible. He knows the answer to your question. He knows you'll never admit it out loud. Or at least not at this moment.
Despite all this, he still holds you close. He leans down to place a kiss on your temple and whispers in your ear:
"I am... a very patient man, Y/N... I can wait, and I will. You will come to me yourself. And when you did... you wouldn't be able to resist or deny the truth about your feelings for another damn second. I will have you by my side. I can assure you that it will happen sooner than you think or are willing to admit."
You don't argue with him anymore. You just don't have the strength. Instead, you lean against him and fall asleep, wrapped in his scent, his warm coat, and his arms that make you feel safe. You decide to hate yourself later for what you feel right now.
After so many years, months, weeks, and days of fighting for your people and country completely on your own, you could afford the comfort of feeling his arms around you for just another few minutes, couldn't you?
It's been three months since you last saw him.
He left you at Grishas' camp just before the sun rose with a kiss on your forehead and a promise that you would meet again and that you would call for him again. Which you highly doubted. You already despised yourself and him enough to stay away from him... or at least pretend that's what you wanted.
During this months, you managed to save and lose many people—many good soldiers. And although you don't want to admit it, this time it makes you even more aware of the truth that Aleksander was trying to drill into your head before you destroyed the fold.
You wandered around like a child in the fog, trying to keep your morality, set an example for people, and play the role of a Sankta who abhors all evil and darkness. Only he had survived enough to know that morality could only be keept in human conditions—when you didn't have to worry about food, a warm place to sleep, or whether every breath you took wouldn't be your last.
But what really broke you wasn't the constant death, suffering, and screaming around you. It was the news of Alina's death.
It was this terrible emptiness, this feeling of helplessness and loneliness that grew inside you with each day, with each Grishas lost, with each drop of blood that soaked into your kefta.
And then you gave up.
"You won! Do you hear me?! YOU WON!" you screamed in your room at the camp after you returned from another mission to rescue imprisoned Grishas, which ended in the bloodiest of all. Which ended with the death of the last person you cared about. "Just come here… I can't… Aleksander, please. Please, I need you."
In your rage, you throw the bottle of alcohol against the wall and scream, falling to your knees. You wrap your arms tightly around yourself and cry, feeling the dried blood on your clothes.
You have enough. You had enough of this war. You didn't want to see your friends lose their lives. You were fed up with constant wars, fighting, and deaths around you.
You only knew one thing: you couldn't stand this alone. You simply must have had him by your side again Somoeone who will stay by your side and simply just be there for you. Someone who won't require you to save the world all by yourself.
"Aleksander, I beg you... please..." you whisper desperately while holding a pendant with his bone tightly in your hand. Maybe the fact that you never parted with that stupid necklace was a sign of what was inevitably to come.
Your failure. Your ruin.
But still, all you can do is melt into his arms as he comes to you through your bond and embraces you, pulling your shaking body into his lap and as close to him as possible.
"Shhh... it's okay, moya milaya, you are safe." he whispers in your ear as he holds you close to his chest with a hand on you mouth so you can make a sound. "As long as I am here, nothing will happen to you. You are not alone anymore and you never will be again, lapushka."
He strokes your hair and whispers words of comfort. A sweet nothing meant to calm you down. You still can't tell whether he does it out of love or because he needs you in his plans. And the scariest thing was that you didn't care as long as he held you, stayed by your side and didn't let you be alone.
If you were any less grief-stricken, you would wonder about the irony of this situation. The irony of how he foretold your fate. How he fulfilled his promise. How he became your only shelter.
"I will take care of everything. I'm not going anywhere. It is you and me, my Y/N. It's only you and me against them all. And we are all we need anyway. I will take good care of you, solnyshka. No more tears; no more lies and betrayals. Our life together is getting started exactly right now. And I can already promise you it will be an incredible future... moya tsaritsa. Ravka will be ours. We will free our people. We will made all of them pay for what they did to our kind. Grishas will enter their golden age under our rules. Nothing will stop us."
"Just... please come back." you sob into him. He tightened his arms around you and pressed his lips against your temple.
"I'm on my way, lapushka." he whispers, his lips brushing against your ear.
You shiver as the warmth of his arms suddenly disappears, and you're left alone, kneeling on the cold floor. You couldn't afford even the slightest remorse. All you could think about, and all you could wait for, was the moment he would come back here in the flesh.
You realised that loneliness was too dangerous an enemy for you that you (or anyone) were unable to defeat. Aleksander has been patiently waiting for years for you to come to this conclusion. A conclusion he understood the moment you fled the Little Palace with Alina and the crows, just before he could have a proper chance to propose to you.
But this time, he won't make that mistake again. He won't let you go of his grip once you came back to him.
The world needs a monster.
You understood his words the moment you created your own fold. A fold of white, pure light which killed anyone who tried to walk past it.
You saw the fear in everyone's eyes. Even your Grishas, whom you swore to protect. Only Aleksander's dark irises stared at you with admiration. Only he doesn't turn away from you, doesn't show any traces of dread.
Only he was brave enough to walk to you, and after that, he kissed you greedily after you all realised you won. Ravka belonged to Grishas. And the new fold that you create will make sure no one will ever think of attacking your people again.
And now you were standing in front of the mirror in the Little Palace. Your people bravely dismantled what was left of the Grand Palace and worked to rebuild the house of Grishas and expand it.
You were entering a new era. And the flags with the eclipse of the sun that now fluttered on the masts of the palace reminded you of that, as did your black and gold dresses, keftas, and the crown that had recently become an extra burden on your head. Just like two rings on your finger.
"I knew you would look stunning in the crown, moya Sol Koroleva." he whispers, making you shiver at his sudden presence. He wraps his arms around your waist, pressing you against his chest. Shadows circle lazily around you as his dark eyes catch yours in the mirror.
"You could at least pretend you didn't plan this from the beginning."
"I didn't plan it. I didn't want to be king. But when the dynasty kept taking advantage of us, I had no other choice. I had to start planning to take over the throne. Taking on the burden of power to make sure that the Grishas are finally treated as they should be. And then you appeared. My sunshine, my ray of hope, my little saint."
"A candidate for your queen and a means to a desired goal." you finish bitterly, resting your head on his shoulder to rest for a moment from the irritating weight of the crown. Looking in the mirror, you reluctantly admit that he looks handsome, dressing all like a king.
"Don't be so mean, milaya. You know very well that you shattered any evil plans I had for you when those lips of yours enchanted me. You made me feel like I could control it all for the first time in hundreds of years. That my plans will finally come true. We've come a long way, my Y/N, but we both know this is where we were meant to be. Next to each other. Equals. Together at the helm of Ravka. We are the only ones who will ever wield such power and who can stand next to each other forever."
You sigh. He is right. He is all you have. And you both know that you won't let go of each other anytime soon. You hated solitude. You knew yourselves so well that even for a second, consider leaving the only person who could ever stick so long with you. The ones who understood and were willing to share the burden the world put on the arms of the two of you.
So you turn in his arms, place your hand gently on his cheek, and after caressing his skin with your thumb, pull him in for a kiss.
He pulls you closer to him; you both need the other's touch and tenderness, the reassurance that after so many wars, fights, and betrays, you are finally together and that you will rely on each other to build the greatness of Ravka, leading your Grishas into the years of glory.
Not just as king and queen, tsar and tsaritsa. But also husband and wife. Partners. Equalls. Summoner of the sun and shadows united for the good of all your people.
"I love you, moi sol ye tselai. My Y/N." he whispers into the skin of your neck, placing kisses, especially where was the necklace he gave you, which you didn't dare to take off for so many years, afraid that the last connection and the memento you had left of him would disappear as soon as you lost it from your sight.
But behind these great goals was one common need, to which you agreed only for yourself. The need to love and be loved. The need to have a shelter that will last through the eternity that awaits both of you. And you finally had to admit that despite the darkness in your life and the problems and disasters mostly caused by your new husband, you couldn't imagine anyone else next to you.
"I love you, Aleksander. I've always have." you admit as his hands roam over you, caressing you. Shadows surround you, creating a protective bubble as you kiss passionately, forgetting about the rest of the world for a moment and you give in to your deepest desires.
The prospect of loneliness and everything that you went through in your life have effectively killed any sense of guilt or morality inside you. You could have allowed yourself that one selfish act. Especially when being with him in the darkness was such a tempting and blissful experience after years of loneliness.