Latest Posts by palomalittlep - Page 2

Between the bookshelves

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x fem! non-grisha! reader Summary: It was so easy for you to fall for the Black General. It took him one visit to the library in the Grand Palace to catch your eye and make you fantasise about him - a dangerous, mysterious ancestor of the Black Heretic. But that was all that could happen between you two... fantasy, daydreaming, or dreaming at midnight in the privacy of your chamber. He was the strongest of all Grishas, and you… you were just a librarian woman. But maybe your fantasies and huge/little crush on Darkling can turn into something much more? Requested by: @dreampissybaby It took me ages, but I hope you'll like it! 😅🩵🖤 Word Count: 8,2k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

You put the books on the shelves, staring at the landscape outside the window. It was winter. The snow fell slowly, glistening in the sunlight. Lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the shadows slowly taking over the part of the library you were in. It was only when they blocked the view through the window, creating a black curtain, that you realised you were no longer alone.

You squealed, surprised, as your back was suddenly turned to the shelf and pinned against it as a certain man crashed his lips into yours hungrily, giving you no time to say anything.

You moaned into General Kirigan's mouth and tangled your hands in his snow-covered hair as he held you trapped between his strong, well-built body and the bookshelf, tasting you greedily with a passion you had never felt before. And each brush of his lips against yours only felt more intense.

"I was thinking about you for a whole blody month. I couldn't sit through a single meeting without thinking about those enticing lips and the things I want to do to you when I finally return." he whispers, kissing your forehead.

He strokes your cheeks tenderly with his thumbs and studies your face carefully, looking for any changes that may have occurred in the month he's been away.

"You came back earlier. I didn't even hear any sounds of horses from the courtyard or whispers among the maids that you were back with your Grishas." you say, stroking his hair messed by the air. You notice that he still has a few snowflakes in them and giggle at how this dangerous man looks so cute with the snow in his hair, black cloak, and red nose.

"I could have left Ivan in charge of the rest and set off earlier myself. They should be here tomorrow. I left them as I saw the walls of Little Palace, and actually, I saw them in the distance from the tower when I was running here." he admits, and you're pretty sure the blush on his cheeks isn't due to the change in temperature. However, you decided to ignore it and not tease him about his obvious embarrassment.

"Come. We need to warm you up. We wouldn't want the general to get sick and be more grumpy to his soldiers only because he wanted to see a girl earlier."

"But what a beauty she is."

Before you can even answer him, his now slightly warmer lips crash against yours, stealing your breath. You moan as he pushes you onto the windowsill. Your back, cushioned by his hand, hits the cool window as he kisses you, as if trying to make up for the month of separation with his one (or maybe more) kiss.

"Next time, I'm taking you with me so I can claim what's mine whenever I want." he pulls away for a moment to whisper before capturing your lips again. You smile, pulling him closer to you by the black fur on his coat.

"Aleksander..." you moan as your lips part and his hand travels under your dress, caressing your leg and making you shiver, both from the cold air and the electric touch of his skin on yours.

"So distracting, so teasing... my little Otkazat'sya, who is constantly occupying my every thought when I should be focusing on the possible war to come. The saints know you will be my sweet undoing."

Your hands land on the collar of his kefta under his coat, and you slowly move them along his chest, unbuttoning his kefta and shirt. You are caressing every newly exposed bit of his skin with your hands, not ashamed of the desire to touch, and caressing every single part of your general...

"Your man came here." your colleague taps you on the shoulder, taking you out of your 'reading', and nods towards the main aisle.

You turn your gaze away from the book, which was only your excuse anyway, thanks to which you could freely indulge in your fantasies. You take a quick glance at the general.

"Shush!" you hiss at her, checking if the general didn't hear her. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw that his attention was completely focused on the bookshelves. "He might have heard you. Besides, he's not my man."

"You better tell him that. Every time he comes here, he asks specially about you. That means something." she teases you as you put the book back on the shelf.

"That means nothing. It's just that I know most of the books on military tactics from my father and brother, so only from me he can find out where exactly it is. I doubt anyone else in this library would understand which book he's looking for." you brush her comment off and walk over to the general, who was looking at the titles of the books on the shelves.

"Good morning. How can I help you this time, general?" you smile politely, trying to fight the stupid fluttering of your heart you had around him. As well as the dirty thoughts that tormented you about this unfairly handsome man.

You thanked saints every time you talked to him, for that he wasn't a heartrender and couldn't hear your traitorous, stupid heart racing fast each time you were in his presence.

You take a moment to study his face, noticing that the dark circles under his eyes have increased slightly over the course of the week. His eyes, although still shining in their characteristic, even mischievous way, are cloudier and more tired. And if you could, you would comfort this over-busy man, or at least try to provide him with some sense of comfort.

But you can't. All you can do is watch him from a distance.

So you do so. You study every bit of his face carefully, allowing yourself to do so when he talks to you about a book, and you pretend to listen to him, right after you heard the title of the familiar book he was looking for.

After all, you didn't want to waste his time… or give him any suspicion that you were taking every possible moment to admire him.

You know that your infatuation and dreams are stupid and that nothing more will ever happen between you two than a polite conversation and maybe the exchange of a few observations about books. But you can't help but imagine how wonderful it would be to kiss his tempting lips, cup his bearded cheek in your hand, or run your hand through his dark brown hair.

Just as his soft voice is no longer heard in your ears, you come back to reality, and it takes all your strength to look away from his too-perfect (for your stupid heart's sake) face and focus on the books on the shelves.

"This is a basic position. You should have it in your book collections." you say, running your finger along the spines of the books and looking for the one he needs.

If you had turned around at that moment, you would have seen a blush spreading across his cheeks as he looked around nervously and cleared his throat, trying to think of an excuse.

"To be honest... my personal library is not kept in such an... order. It's much easier and faster to come here. A nice company is also an additional benefit, as also the opportunity to break away from reports, plans, and other annoying papers."

"And here I thought that soldiers usually kept order around themselves. Especially the general of the whole army." you tease him with a smile and hand him the book he was looking for. His fingers brush against yours briefly, making you shiver.

"I found it hard to keep everything in order in the thought process. Especially lately when so many things which are on my head."

"So I guess your library is pretty messy." you smile as you hear his soft chuckle after your comment.

Everything about this man was ethereal. Starting with his appearance and ending with the way he carried himself. With pride and power radiating from him, which made everyone show respect, awe and fear for him.

Some invisible electric force was pulling you towards him—something inexplicable that only a few people could resist. And you definitely weren't one of them.

Like a moth to a flame. - you think mockingly, knowing that everything he represented was darkness and danger. But you could see more than his shadows. Something that didn't let you put him out of your mind so easily.

"That's putting it mildly." he says, snapping you out of your thoughts. You lick your lips and nod, laughing a bit.

"Maybe you should find someone who will clean up this mess for you. It would be a shame if the general of the Second Army got lost under the piles of his own books." you say, expecting to hear another burst of laughter from him.

But that didn't happen. Instead, his gaze lingered on you, as if he was searching your eyes for some kind of answer. You stared, hypnotised, into his dark irises until he finally saw something in your eyes that made him take a step towards you.

"Are you offering?" he whispers, making you shiver as you try to hold his intense gaze.

The fact that he's close enough that you can smell his cologne, his intoxicating scent, and his warmth, which is nothing like your fantasies, makes it even harder for you to string together a coherent sentence.

"Maybe I am." you whisper back, not sure if he understood it as a statement or a question.

But judging by the way he leaned towards you, slowly closing the distance between you and your lips with each small movement, you think he rather understood your intentions...

And just when you think he's finally going to end this torment—when he's going to lean down and catch your lips in a passionate, tender kiss and pin you to the bookshelves like he already did in your dreams, too many times for you to remember—you two hear somebody calling him.

You are the first to break eye contact, shift your gaze to the shelves next to you, and step away from him, even though every cell in your body screams with the need to be close to him.

"It looks like I have to go." he says. It clears your throat and catches your eye again. His dark eyes are focused entirely on you as he decides to make his move and adds, "I shall be waiting for you tonight if you are still offering your help. I could really use it." he says, ignoring the footsteps approaching the alley.

"Well, I shall meet you then, general." you answer instantly and with a little flirtatious tone before you can think about it or get scared and change your mind.

He gives you such a wonderful, charming smile that it convinces you that he was created by the saints themselves. Your heart skips a beat as he leans down and presses a such gentle kiss to your hand that you have to focus very much to feel his lips on your skin.

"I shall be expecting you then, milaya." he says, and you think he winks at you before turning around just as one of his Grishas comes into view.

They walk away together quickly, the man explaining something to him in a hurry, but all you see is him stealing a quick glance at you before disappearing around the bend into the main alley.

"Milaya?" you whisper to yourself, frowning.

And before you can think it through, you rush to the old Ravkan dictionaries to find this concrete word he used, ready to endure your friend's teasing when you tell her you think you have a date with the general of the Second Army.

"I told you I didn't want to be disturbed." he says slightly angry, after they return from the training field, where the young Inferni have started a fight with the Squallers and started a damn fire. Aleksander frowned as he felt the soot harden on the sleeve of his kefta.

"My apologies, General, but that was an important matter." Grisha, who interrupted his conversation with Y/N, explains himself as they enter his chambers, straight to the war room.

"Next time, you can only come to me if a Little Palace is set on fire, not some field. And even then, it will be better if you find some tidemaker to extinguish the fire. Understand, Captain?" he asks madly and sits down at his desk. He sighs when he sees the new papers that Ivan must have delivered to him in his absence.

"Yes, sir." he sees Grisha nods nervously. He rubs his eyes and sighs, seeing that his hands are also black with soot.

"Bring Fedyor here. And Ivan. I need someone reasonable." he mutters and gets up to go to the bathroom and get rid of any traces of fighting the fire. "And make sure the kids show up for their night training with Baghra. That should calm them down and keep them busy... at least for a while."

Grisha salutes him and leaves as quickly as he can. Aleksander rolls his eyes and looks in the mirror, cleaning his face. He returns to his desk and looks over the reports Ivan brought. After a few minutes, his heartrenders appear.

"You wanted to see us, sir." Ivan says this, standing in front of his desk. Fedyor is next to him, looking at the general. He frowns at seeing the messy state he is in.

"I have a task for you." he says, and he signs some orders. "First of all, please explain to me how the Little Palace was almost set on fire when I was only a few minutes away?" Ivan swallows and wants to say something, but Fedyor comes first.

"Zoya is on a mission. The kids felt too... carefree in someone else's care. But I assure you, General, that after today, it is unlikely to happen again. I heard them say on their way here that they had never been so afraid in their lives. Besides, they're just kids. Good thing the tidemakers were close. As soon as Zoya returns, she will definitely teach them a life lesson."

He nods, deciding to deal with this matter another time. "Were you able to gather the information I needed, Fedyor?"

"Yes, sir. Y/F/F. These flowers are waiting in the conservatory; you can pick them up and give them to her whenever you want." before Aleksander can scold him for making such bold assumptions, Fedyor continues. "Oh, right, I forgot. David is finishing the necklace you ordered. With her favourite gem, of course. But we have a serious problem, General. People are talking."

"They always talk. What exactly do they have in mind this time?" he clears his throat, trying to ignore how the heartrender so easily suggests his blatant infatuation of Y/N. He decides to remain silent. After all, Fedyor was the best... informant regarding Y/N. And his help was necessary in this case...

Although he liked Ivan's company more, it was Fedyor who was mainly responsible for them both being together, and that means he was more useful in his little mission. How two heartrenders got together—even Darkling didn't know exactly—but he desperately needed all of Fedyor's advice after his own attempts to woo you had failed.

He may have been handsome and had many women vying for his attention, but since Luda... he hadn't really courted anyone. No one was important enough. No one had broken through the wall of his heart created by Luda's death. When he decided that he had buried too many people close to him to endure another death, another loss.

And then you appeared. An ordinary human, not even Grisha. And he fell for you fast, hard, and suddenly, and despite his better judgement, he gave in to this need to be in your presence. And every day, he wanted much more. Irronicaly, he was too nervous around you to finally make a move. Or at least one that will be clear to you and provide him with your… reciprocity of his feelings.

And Fedyor had too much fun helping him to 'get a girl'. Just like teasing the general, who put up with his taunts as long as his advice worked. At least Ivan was here to stop his lover when he walked on the thin line of the general's patience.

"They are… interesting why our general is so often a guest in the Grand Palace… a library, to be precise."

"And? Is it something wrong? Can't I use Ravka's book resources?

It was a weak excuse. Aleksander knew this. But she won't admit his feelings... especially not to Fedyor.

"It's not like I'm going there just to look at her." he adds, mumbling under his breath as his attention is fully focused on the report in front of him. He wanted to finish this as soon as possible to prepare for your visit.

"And with all due respect, moi soverenyi, what exactly are you doing there?"

Aleksander hears Ivan kick Fedyor in the ankle as Heartrender asks him this question. He smiles to himself and finishes writing the last report.

"None of your worries." he says and hands the completed papers with his directions and orders to Ivan. "I'm unavailable for the rest of the day. Only matters of the utmost importance, and I only accept these messages from you two; keep any incompetent soldiers away from me; I had enough of them today."

His thoughts wander back to that moment where he almost managed to kiss Y/N. If it weren't for that damn soldier… his mind wanders to all the possibilities of how his visit could end.

"It really worked? She comes here?" Aleksander wonders if he should be offended by the incredulous tone he used.

"She is. That's why I hope I won't be disturbed anymore. At least not with trivial matters that can be taken care of without my interference and that I can find out about the next morning."

"Does she know she's staying until the morning, sir?"

"Fedyor." Ivan hisses at him, furious, unsure how much longer the general can take it.

Aleksander swallows, embarrassed. He can't help but wonder if you'll be as willing as he is to extend your overnight visit into the next day… or two.

"General, your heart is beating faster. Do you need any help?"

Fedyor smiles, half-malicious, half-happy to see the general melt at every thought of you. You completely swept him off his feet, and he didn't even have a second to defend himself. It was refreshing to see him so... lost in his feelings for you.

"Ivan, get your other half out of my sight before I send him to West Ravka, right through the fold, without any light or Inferni with him." Fedyor tries his hardest to stop smiling at his words. Ivan covers him and nods respectfully to the general.

"Yes, moi soverenyi."

As the door closes behind them, Fedyor laughs softly at Ivan. "Who would have thought that he of all people would choose Otkazat'sya? The one who never stayed around non-Grishas longer than necessary?"

"Do not be stupid. He definitely needs her for something else."

"You yourself heard his heartbeat. He fell head-over-heels. I have to tell Genya to make him a new kefta... preferably two, one male and one female, matching, you know, just in case."

Fedyor smiles as he sees people cleaning the corridors of the Little Palace. Their general was so obvious about his feelings that it hurt. The opinion of a heartless general effectively covered up his obvious actions.

"Why? She's not a Grisha. The general knows better than to pursue her."

"My dear, in the state our general is in now, he hardly cares about the fact that she doesn't have any powers. Besides, I know of marriages between Otkazat'sya and Grishas. There are few of them, but thanks to the sharing of life energy, the couple lives happily ever after, as long as Grisha's one doesn't die."

"Marraige? Don't go that far into the future. Even if he feels something for her, he will get over it."

"You will remember my words when he asks you to be his best man. Come on, honey, let's see what we can do for our general." Fedyor laughs and pulls Ivan towards the conservatory.

You walk through the corridors of the Little Palace, led by one of the Oprichniks, to the general's chambers. You feel weird coming here. He was usually the one who always visited you. At different times of the day in the library.

Involuntarily, you remember one of his rare nighttime visits.

You were alone in the library. You sat curled up in an armchair by the fire with a blanket around you.

You liked spending evenings in the library. It was completely silent then; you could listen to the crackling of the burning wood and get completely lost in your book.

However, lately, your thoughts have been turning more and more often around a certain general of the Second Army. Hence the book that was on your lap. "The Lives of Saints."

You've read most of the books about Grishas. About how they use their powers. About their little science. They fascinated you. Like Kirigan. At first, you were afraid of the general. He was, after all, a Black General, a descendant of the Black Heretic. But there was something... defenceless about him. Humane. Not identifying with the terrible legend circulating about him. And that little element of the common human in him drew you to this mysterious man.

You smirk to yourself as you hear the quiet footsteps you've learned to recognise as he lets you hear that he's close. You remember quite vividly how you shouted at him when he snuck up on you and almost dropped the stack of books you were holding. You don't know who was more surprised then—you or him.

"A little late for a night visit." you say, closing your book and shifting your gaze to the man walking towards you.

The smile disappears from your face when you see that he has dark bags under his eyes and is much paler than usual.

"Do I look that bad?" he asks with a laugh at your reaction. The blush on his cheeks and his less confident step make it clear that he didn't take your behaviour as carelessly as he showed.

"You look like death. What happened?" you ask, worried as he sits down in the armchair across from you.

"Tough week. I will be good. I had to come here. I... I haven't looked here for a while."

Little did you know that he wanted to say that he hadn't come for you. That he didn't come to check on you even though he wanted to, but he just didn't have time. That he had been watching you at every opportunity, hiding in the shadows. He was stopping at the library to simply look at you each time the king called him to confer with him about a possible war with the Fjerdans, which thankfully he had managed to avoid.

Now that the vision of Grishas' blood being spilled was no longer hanging over his head, he had come here—to the only shelter he had in this forgotten by the saints country on even a world.

He came to you.

"I noticed." you say and give him such a beautiful, comforting smile that this week of fighting against the king and the general of the First Army is worth the price of his nerves, sleepless nights, and the effort he put into avoiding war. This smile is a sufficient reward for all his efforts to maintain peace and security.

For Grishas, his mind screamed; he did it for his people.

For you, whispered a small voice in his head, coming from the remains of his shattered over the centuries heart. He did this to keep you safe—the only piece of his humanity he allowed himself to have. The only ramains of a man he used to be.

"You did?" he asks, swallowing. He watches you carefully, assessing your every little move and reaction.

He doesn't trust you yet... but he feels that he is getting closer to completely losing himself in your presence, which is soothing his battered soul like anything else in this world, and the warmth that radiates from you. If he didn't know you, he would think you were Inferni.

"Mhm..." you nod and start telling him about a book you read recently that he might have liked.

And he really wants to listen to you. Your voice soothed his frayed nerves and calmed the anxiety he had felt over the past few days, but as soon as he allows himself, as his head rests against the armchair, he begins to feel tired as well. And your wonderful voice, the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace, and the familiar smell of your perfume mixed with the smell of books lull him to sleep better than any lullaby.

You smiled, watching him relax in the chair and slowly fall asleep. You quietly got up from your seat and walked over to the fireplace to add a log to the fire. You took the blanket you covered yourself with and walked over to Kirigan.

Just as you were about to cover him, a strong pair of arms swept you off your feet, leaving you in the general's lap while he snuggled into you.

“So warm…” you blush when you hear his half-asleep whisper, but you don't question his actions.

You cover the two of you with a blanket, and after he settles his head comfortably on your shoulder, with his nose gently nuzzling your neck, you can't help but run a hand through his hair. And you almost moan at how soft they are. If you could, you would stroke him at every chance you got. But now you just leave a light kiss on his temple, trying to fight the hope rising in your chest, which tells you that maybe your feelings aren't so hopeless and unreciprocable after all.

Because what other reason could there be for this man, who was completely out of your league and who is currently clinging to you like it's the most normal thing in the world, than that he has feelings for you?

As if this strong, powerful man needed a shelter and could find it only in your arms...

You never talked about that night, nor did it ever happen again, but it was one of your favourite memories with him.

Surprisingly, he always hits your shifts. And you wanted to believe that it wasn't a coincidence that you two met so often.

And that milaya... he didn't call every woman a sweet girl, did he? No. There had to be at least a hint of attraction in him for you. And you were so desperate for him that you would take any scrap of affection he gave you—any chance to see how it would really be to be loved by him. Even if this closeness was to last only for one night.

He was nervous.

The hundreds-year-old shadow summoner was nervous. And not with the upcoming fight, battle, and important meeting with the king, in which he had to use all his manipulation techniques and lies.

He was nervous before meeting with you.

Baghra would laugh at him and beat him for being distracted by mortals. For letting his stupid heart take control again and naively allowing himself to feel something for a woman who would pass so quickly that he wouldn't have time to blink.

But does that stop him? Of course not. He always takes a losing cause and always makes bad choices.

But how could he not, when you were the only light that had appeared in a very long time that he spent utterly alone in the darkness of his war room, still planning and still thinking about how to provide all Grishas with a safe future in which they wouldn't worry about their lives anymore? How could he just ignore you when you were lightening brighter than the sun summoner herself?

A gentle knock on the door sent a shiver of both excitement and fear through him.

You were already here.

"Come in." he says, trembling with anticipation as he waits for you to enter his chambers for the first time.

However, his face grew grumpy when, instead of your silhouette in some beautiful (preferably black) dress, he saw Fedyor enter his chambers.

"What are you doing here? And what is that all for?" he asks, confused, as Fedyor places a vase with a bouquet of your favourite flowers on his war table, a basket with wine and delicacies you like, and goes to light more candles in the room.

"Things that will come in handy. Good night, General."

Fedyor leaves before he can react. He stares at the room for a moment and laughs to himself, shaking his head. You were going to be his undoing. People will see how... soft he is getting because of you. But somehow it doesn't bother him, at least as long as the prospect of holding you in his arms was within his reach thanks to it. He would put up with Fedyor's banter and whispered gossip within the ranks of the Second Army if it meant having you by his side.

The soft creak of his door draws his attention. His gaze is fully focused on the entrance, his breath catching in his throat as he waits to be blessed with the sight of you. Maybe he could afford this one weakness? To allow himself a moment of blissful peace in the constant, lonely war that he waged for the safety of every Grisha.

The curse almost leaves his mouth when someone else appears instead of you. This time, Alina. In a nightgown, loose hair, and an uncertain expression on her face. And although he really needed her in his plans, he couldn't help but damn her for her timing. It looked like he didn't deserve time free from his duties.

"Alina? How can I help you?" he asks instead, glancing briefly at the clock and wondering how politely and quickly he can dismiss her so that you won't see her leaving on your way to his chambers.

Ironically, what Alina would think about his encounter with you at night didn't matter to him at all. But it should be the other way around. After all, he was going to seduce her and use her power for his plans.

You weren't supposed to mean that much to him.

And yet he was there, standing in front of the Sun Summoner he had dreamed to find for so long, but now he was only wondering how to get rid of her.

"Am I... disturbing you?"

As always, he thought, but quickly shook his head.

"Not at all. What's the matter?" he asks in a polite tone, trying not to get irritated by the way she looks around his chambers. Her cheeks blush slightly, and her eyes glow in the candlelight.

He wonders how you will react to the scenery Fedyor has created. Maybe he should light more candles? Or dust off his old record player and put a record of slow, classical music in it. He knew it would help him. Many times, he caught you dancing alone in the abandoned alley of the library. There were many times when he joined you so that you wouldn't have to dance with the air... although the main reason that encouraged him was the opportunity to hold you in his arms.

He doesn't pay attention to what Alina is saying to him. He only catches the way she says his name, and he can't help but let his thoughts fly to you again.

Considering how often he was in this library, he should have known by now where to look for the books he wanted. However, he was glad that none of the librarians commented on it, and they immediately showed him where he could find you.

However, the reputation of a cruel Grishas' general had its benefits. No one dared to question him.

As he walks through the library, he smiles and thinks about you. How you weren't afraid to put him in his place when you didn't like something.

At first you were just a means to an end, then a pretty thing to look at, then over time you became a challenge, and now... he couldn't go a day without seeing your face or hearing your voice.

He swallowed and shook his head. NO. He didn't fall that low. Not for an ordinary woman, a mortal.

A mocking voice in his head that closely resembles Baghra's words mocks him as he tries to deceive himself. How weak he is.

And he would probably have turned back and tried to save his naive heart if he hadn't heard a familiar, slow song playing from the gramophone.

He froze, watching you dance to the piano sounds coming from the record player, and put the books back on the shelves, rearranging them in order. The skirt moved with your movements, and he wanted nothing more than to place his hands on your waist and pull you as close to him as possible, letting his hands trace your curves as he stared into your eyes.

So he did. Allowing himself to do what he wanted and forgetting for a moment what he should have done.

He walks over to you quietly and places his hands on your waist, turning you towards him and lowering you, keeping his hand on your back in reassurance that he won't let go of you.

"Kirigan!" you scream at him, scared by his sudden action.

You cling to him, and he might have laughed at your adorable reaction if the fake name he gave himself didn't feel like a slap in the face when you said it. And then, as you stare at each other without saying a word, he realises that he wants the only name that leaves your wonderful, tempting lips to be his real one.

"Please... call me Aleksander." he whispers, and somehow this was something more intimate and meaningful than all the flowers and furtive glances you had received for him. Than all the talks you have had. Than all the kisses on the hand, cheek, and hugs you had exchanged.

"Aleksander." you say back, whispering it, like it was something sacred.

His heart sinks further. It does a flip when he hears how gently you say his real name, the name he kept away from the world and close to his heart, only for himself.

He makes himself vulnerable to you.

And instead of freaking out, all he can do is look at you as if you were his only anchor, keeping him sane in his crazy life full of worries, fear, and anxiety. Your eyes shine up at him, reminding him of the stars—the stars that for a long time have guided him in his darkness and made him blind to everything else around him but you.

He was cursed. There was no turning back. He knew it the moment he heard his real name on your lips. And if it weren't for the damn pile of books falling with a loud bang, causing him to go into defence mode and hide you behind him, he would have kissed you right there and then.

He remembers perfectly that day. And he cursed every moment you decided not to use it. As if he cared who might hear it. As long as it came out of your alluring lips, he didn't care who heard it. He knew it would be the end of him to hear you scream it loud in the darkness of his chambers.

He doesn't notice when Alina approaches him. Or when she places her hand on his. At least not until a ball of light appears around them. He looks fascinated by Alina's possibilities and her power.

Alina leans towards him. His gaze shifts to her. He wonders if he should let her kiss him. But then the image of you comes to his mind, and he knows he has no choice but to push her away. He can't do this. Not when he knows he could be kissing you; taste your lips on his instead of hers. And the realisation makes him even more aware of how hopelessly he has fallen for you. To reject the Sun Summoner herself.

And that's when he notices you standing in the doorway.

"Y/N? Y/N, wait!" he pushes Alina's hand away and shouts after you as you walk away, closing the door.

He leaves a confused Alina speechless as he runs after you. When he's in the hallway, he sees no sign of you. He curses, realising what an uncomfortable situation you found him in with the sun summoner.

This will be difficult for him to explain. But damn him if he doesn't try his best.

"Don't." he stops his oprichniki from chasing you. You needed a moment for yourself. He knows that chasing after you would only make things worse... even if that was all he wanted to do right now. "Just make sure she will come back safetly to her chamber. If something happens to her, you will suffer the consequences. Understood?"

"Yes, general."

"That's all." they bow to him and leave. He sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Aleksander?" Alina's hand is on his shoulder as she turns him to face her.

And maybe, if they had met a few years earlier—before he met you—he would have allowed himself to take the opportunity to get the sun summoner for himself. But now... all he wants is you.

"You should go back to your chamber." he says coldly, returning to his room.

Only to take his black kefta. Just because he couldn't talk to you doesn't mean he couldn't watch you to make sure you were okay. Maybe, thanks to you, he will figure out how to explain all this to you.

You were stupid. And naive.

You think angrily as you clean the library floor with a broom. If anyone noticed that you started cleaning again as a way to release your negative emotions, they did not comment on it. And good. You were a ticking bomb today.

Honestly, you could have seen it coming. Him and the Sun Summoner. They were perfect for each other. In every book, they would end up together, and you would just be a supporting character.

The less important one.

It's good that you realised this before you let yourself do with him something stupid, before you got to know how his lips tasted, how it was to lay with his arms around you... Although... you guess he got under your skin and into your everyday life too deeply for you to simply forget about him.

Especially when he wouldn't leave you alone.

"You can't avoid me." he says, walking out of the alley. You almost run into him with a broom and for a moment, you feel the urge to hit him with it. But then you remember that you didn't actually promise each other anything. You were nothing to him. Only a librarian. An ordinary person. At best, a friend.

"I'm not." you say it coldly and try to move past him.

"You are." he says, blocking your way. You lift your head to look at him defiantly. All he does is grab your hands and take the broom out of your hands. You suddenly feel vulnerable… as if the broom could somehow protect you from the shadow summoner and your feelings for him. "Please. I just want to talk."

"How can I help you, general?" you ask him in an emotionless tone.

He sighs, but you can see from the look in his eyes that he won't give up that easily. But you also don't want to get involved in something that is doomed to failure. Men like them didn't end up with women like you. Not with someone so… ordinary.

"That's not how it looked like."

"No? You seemed… quite enjoyed your closeness to her. Besides, it is not my business. You can do whatever you want. With whoever… If you don't need my help finding a book, then I should go now."

"No, wait. Please." he grabs your arm and takes a step towards you, refusing to let you just walk away from him.

"Do you call her milaya too?" you can't help but ask him this question in a tone full of resentment, anger, and bitterness.

His reaction surprises you. Instead of responding to your ridiculous jealousy with anger or a comment as cruel as yours, he… smiles. The bastard has the nerve to enjoy how bad you feel.

"Nevermind. Just…forget about it." you say, trying to break free from his grip, but he won't let you go—not even a step away.

After a moment, you feel him pressing you against the bookshelves. His nose brushes lightly against yours, and your lips are closer together than ever. He breathes heavily, his dark, almost black eyes staring into yours as he tries to stop himself from simply kissing every thought that isn't him out of you. You look at him, waiting; you don't know what. Every inner moral battle in him is settled by your quiet whisper:

"Aleksander?"

He's losing it. All the control he had gained over hundreds of years. He leans down and connects your lips in a long-awaited kiss. At first, he tries to be slow and gentle. He caresses your cheek affectionately and carefully places his hand on your waist.

Your moan changes all his plans.

He grips your waist tighter, bringing you as close to him as possible. He tangles his other hand in your hair, deepening the kiss and taking in all your whimpers. And Aleksander, for the first time in his long life, feels like he's in heaven.

By simply touching you. By simply kissing you.

He pushes away all his thoughts about breaking you and about defiling your sweet and pure person with his darkness. But he can't stop.

Not when you respond so eagerly to his kisses. Not when you pull him as close to you as possible by his hair and kefta. Not when he feels the same lust and desire for you that he has for you. Not when his wildest dreams are coming true.

He pulls away as he feels you slowly running out of air. He gives you just enough space to breathe but still stays as close to you as he can, resting his forehead against yours and pressing a kiss there. Both of his hands roam over your figure, and he curses at how delicate and otherworldly you feel under his fingertips. Like you always should have belonged right here, in his arms, in his hands.

The saints created you for him as his eternal trouble, as his baine of existence. To sweep him off his feet. To question any decisions he ever made. To prove to him that all his plans will be ruined and that his priorities don't matter when it comes to choosing between them and you.

"I… I want… I want it to be your business. I want you to care about me… just as I care about you too, moya milaya. My one and only." he whispers, pulling away from you enough that he can look into your eyes.

He strokes your cheek tenderly, deciding he doesn't want to spend another second missing you, your touch, and your presence. Holding himself back from kissing and chereshing you as you should be.

"And how can you possibly care about me? I'm… just me. Otkazat'sya. I can't summon the sun, shadows, or anything. I can't heal or manipulate hearts. I can't composite materials such as metal, glass, textiles, and chemicals. I'm not Grisha. I'm nothing special."

"Do you think I don't know it? Do you think that meant anything to my stupid heart the day I first saw you? That after our first conversation, I gave a damn about anything, but how is your laugh so hypnotic? How can I simply spend the day just looking at you or listening to your sweet voice, talking excitedly about every single book you've read? I know it makes no sense, but... isn't that what it looks like? How is it supposed to be? To fall for someone even knowing that you shouldn't? Even knowing that it's something doomed to fall from the beginning?"

"I suppose that's not how a love confession should look like, Aleksander." you laugh a little and hearing his name on your lips again gives him hope that he needs to fully open up.

"Maybe not. But we are not in the story. I speak from my heart, with my own words, because… nothing I ever knew can be compared to what I feel for you since the time we know each other. You attracted me at first, but… with time, I understand it isn't just some attraction. It is something deeper. More personal. You understand me like no one else has before, so don't stand there and pretend there is no special link between us, because this… this is everything that keeps me sane. With so many wars I have to fight, so many plans I have to put into action, and so many sacrifices I have to make… I shouldn't think about you… and yet it is everything I can do each time I leave your presence. You became a part of me… best part of me that I have ever had. And I know I will probably lose you in time, but… I can't imagine being without you. To go my day without speaking to you, seeing you, or laughing with you. And if you let me… I would like to keep you close for as long as I can. As long as you will have me."

He says all of this while looking at you with so much earnestness and passion that you have a hard time saying no to him or entering into his speech.

He sees your doubts. And he's so afraid of them that he decides to kiss you again, to try to bribe you, to make up your mind in his favour with the feeling of his lips on yours.

This time, you pull him in, placing your hands around his neck. He shivers as you play with the strands of his hair, and he knows that if he doesn't get you, the only ray of light in his grey existence, he has nothing to lose. Nothing will stop him from becoming a monster.

"I'm not so... open-hearted. Time taught me to keep my feelings to myself. But with... with you, I feel like the man I used to be. And I really like to be him again with you by my side."

"And... what about Alina?" you ask hesitantly, unable to get used to the idea that he might be… that he might choose you.

"You are the only one I can see." he whispers. He steals another kiss from you. This time, he presses you closer to him. You feel his muscular body under his kefta pressing against you, and you feel yourself slowly turning into putty in his hands. The bastard grins gladly as he feels you trembling.

"But for how long?" you try to hold on to one last rational thought before the warmth of the moment you share with him overwhelms you, and you become undeniably his. However, your internal struggle is just a matter of decency. You both know who won anyway.

"Eternity." he whispers against your lips before kissing you hungrily, losing control as he finally gives in to his desires, touching and caressing you as he wants with your more than willing consent. "Mine." he murmurs into your neck, pressing kisses there, his stubble teasing your sensitive skin as you moan at the feeling of his hot lips that you've imagined more than you care to admit.

"Mine." you respond, tangling your hands in his hair and pulling him in for another kiss.

Feeling his lips against you, his hands roaming over your body, caressing you, pulling you as close to him as possible, and his skin that you explore with your fingertips while unbuttoming his kefta as his shadows surround you, hiding the two of you from the sight of others who might be looking for you between the bookshelves, is making you realise that maybe, after all, you were the main character… at least in his story.

And that was all you could ever ask for.

Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist

One-shots

I'll be back for you Part 2

The Moon Summoner ran away with Alina from the Little Palace with the help of Kaz Brekker's crows. The group successfully escaped from Darkling's hands, but that doesn't mean he will forget about his Y/N. He's going to chase her until she is in his arms again. However, Mr. Brekker did not let his childhood friend disappear without a trace from his life again. He will protect her. For all costs. After all, she was his newest investment.

My love will never die

You knew Aleksander before he was a Black Heretic, a foldmaker. You married him and promised to be by his side through thick and thin. And you never, ever regretted your choice. However, one day, your paths parted in an unfortunate way, and you both believed that the love of your lives was gone forever. After many centuries, you meet again with a man very similar to your Aleksander. And you start to wonder... maybe your love never die after all?

Familiar flame

Aleksander lost his Y/N the day he created the fold. The king's soldiers killed his one true love in front of his eyes. His despair and anger led to the creation of a dark fold. After centuries, Aleksander meets a girl identical to his beloved… her reincarnation. Will he be able to restore your memories? Could he get you back after centuries of mourning you? Or maybe Aleksander finally lost his mind…

Devoted

Aleksander and Baghra have been your family since you left the house of your father, who blamed you for your mother's death in childbirth. You and Sasha became more; he was your epic love interest and mentor. You wanted to be just like him… until one event radically changed your beliefs and led you to doubt your great purpose.

Second Waltz

For the Winter Fete, you were supposed to waltz with your friend the tidemaker and at the same time use your Grishas' power to entertain the king, queen and all the other self-righteous nobles. In your wildest dreams, you wouldn't have thought you'd end up dancing with General Kirigan...

Would've, Could've, Should've...

Your life would have been completely different if it wasn't for Aleksander. You regret meeting him... but saints only know that he is the one who can make you feel this way...

Innocent

You're not like the other Grishas. It took you some time to master your power, but you're still unsure of your control over it. That's why it scares you when you're chosen for a special mission in Fjerda. Luckily your general cares about all his people... or at least about you... actually way too much, but you're not going to complain at all.

In the darkness

After you and Alina destroyed the fold, she killed Aleksander and became queen at Nikolai's side, you took the place, tittle and chambers of the General of the Second Army. And then… strange things starts to happen in the darkness.

Between the bookshelves

It was so easy for you to fall for the Black General. It took him one visit to the library in the Grand Palace to catch your eye and make you fantasise about him - a dangerous, mysterious ancestor of the Black Heretic. But that was all that could happen between you two... fantasy, daydreaming, or dreaming at midnight in the privacy of your chamber. He was the strongest of all Grishas, and you… you were just a librarian woman. But maybe your fantasies and huge/little crush on Darkling can turn into something much more?

Lovers to strangers

The worst thing that can happen is to go from a passionate, ardent feeling to indifference. Turning the people you held dearest into strangers. But could YOUR Aleksander ever be a stranger to you again? You have to choose what is more important to you. Ravka and the crown that is rightfully yours, or the man who trampled on your naive, young heart. The choice should be simple... right?

His mortal saviour

You saved him. You took him from under the fold and healed him when he was in his most vulnerable state. He doesn't know you; he's hostile and distrustful of you, so he naturally runs away at the first possible opportunity. But somehow, he can't just walk away from you.

Mini-series

Bring me a dream (suspended until 06.2024)

I've been waiting a long time to meet you in my dreams…

I've never heard silence quite this loud...

And all I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life…

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love... The slowest way is never loving them enough...

But I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down... And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now...

And I want you now, wanna need you forever, In the heat of your electric touch.

Everyone has their soulmate—someone they are meant for. This was due to Sankta Maradaia, who decided to connect two souls destined for each other during their sleep to show them their other half, Sankta also sent them a tattoo of their loved one name, so that souls thirsting for each other can finally be united. Aleksander never had even one, short dream about his soulmate. Just a tattoo that has taunted him for ages. The Darkling believes this is his punishment for creating the fold, another privilege of being condemned. To never know his soulmate. But one day, a dream about a sun summoner comes to him. Someone equal to him. Someone meant for him. And he promises himself to find you at all costs. Not just because of your powers.

❄️️Warm my heart❄️️

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

December. Everyone in the Little and Grand Palaces is excited about the upcoming holidays. Only the Black General seems rather... depressed. Like every year when these holidays are coming closer. Maybe this year, since you've been promoted to his second-in-command, you can make the general's holidays a little more enjoyable? And you're not doing it because you're in love with him and you want to see him finally careless happy... not even a little bit.

Can't catch me now...

Part 1 Part 2

The Hunger Games in Ravka. 12 districts. 12 tributes. 12 mentors. 11 young people die every year. 1 winner. Aleksander was a mentor to many. But only your face will haunt him for centuries.

I'll be back for you pt. 2 (end)

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x reader, Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: The battle is still going on. Not only the one between Alina and the Darkling but also the one inside you. Which side will you choose to be on? Who will you support? The choice is only yours. Warning(s): Darkling, angst, quarrels, fighting, bl00d, the reader is having a hard time and doesn't know what to do and who to choose, but we all love these two guys Word count: It depends, but 13k+ in total Taglist: @woowwwee @aemondsb1tch @queenofspades6 @unofficial-jaytodd-wife @kentucky-criedfricken

"Moya soverennyia?" Fedyor's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned to Heartrender, giving him a gentle smile and telling him to continue.

Over the course of this month, you've already gotten used to your new role, announced by the Darkling to his Oprichniks and Grishas.

His partner. His heart. His moon. The new Soverennyia.

So far, Aleksander has kept his promise to make you his equal. But you've been waiting patiently for the day when keeping you on an equal footing with himself will not be in line with his plans.

And you didn't know whether to be glad or disappointed that he was serious about keeping that promise.

"Y/N? Shall we go?" you looked up at the man, remembering what he had come for. Kirigan asked for you.

"Yes. Thank you, Fedyor." you nodded as you walked out with him by your side. You smiled as soon as the man started babbling about the latest gossip from the camp. You appreciated that he was trying to make your trip pleasant by at least trying to strike up a normal, casual conversation with you.

Another thing you had to get used to. If there wasn't an unsettling Darkling figure hovering by your side, it would be either Ivan or Fedyor. Kirigan insisted that their presence around you was necessary to keep you safe.

Like you weren't a powerful moon summoner.

The Darkling's "care" didn't blind you. He was afraid that you would run away again, that despite everything—all those tender words and promises whispered into his skin under the cover of the night—you were not fully devoted to him. That even though you were with him in body and mind, you left your heart with a group of your "crows".

And he was right.

But you weren't willing to give him any evidence.

"Sankta Y/N!" the guard at Aleksander's tent of council announced your arrival, interrupting all conversations between the general and his chief commanders.

"Come here, moonlight." the Darkling has summoned you without even lifting a glance from the papers. You took the only empty seat right next to him and glanced at the maps spread out in front of him. "Ivan and his men have been on the trail of the firebird for weeks and finally found something interesting… I thought you'd like to know more about your future amplifire." he whispered in your ear as the conversation around you resumed.

You nodded your head, turning your gaze to the man closest to him. You smiled as you saw Fedyor (trying to) fawn over him imperceptibly. Maybe you and Ivan didn't get along very well, and your relationship with Fedyor deteriorated after your "betrayal", but you'd have to be blind and insensitive not to notice and appreciate the bond between them. You couldn't help your stupid heart long for something they had.

"Something wrong, zyoma maya olya (moon of my life)?"

"Last week was a bit tiring, that's all. Your mother can be a pain in the ass." you mumbled, taking his hand. You unknowingly began to draw patterns on the skin of his hand with your finger, making him feel better. Something that didn't go unnoticed among the Grishas present in the tent.

It turned out you weren't the only one left behind. Aleksander caught Baghra.

From the old woman's story, it seemed as if all he cared about was keeping the two of you captive. Thanks to the saints, no other crow caught his special attention. Except Kaz...

"I'll repay you for taking care of her, milaya. In a month, no one and nothing will get on your nerves, moya tsaritsa."

"Hold on to the titles. Ravka is not at your feet yet."

"It will be. As soon as we enlarge the fold, the whole world will be at OUR feet. And then we'll make sure that no Grishas are afraid or ashamed of who they are ever again."

You wanted to believe him. Really. That he cares only for the good of people like you, but you already knew him too well to allow yourself to be that naive.

"I dream of nothing more, Aleksander." you whispered, making sure only he could hear his real name. He smiled, cupping your cheek with his hand and placing a tender kiss on your forehead.

"What will we do with the rebels, moi soverennyi?" one of his Grishas caught your attention. Your heart beat slightly faster at the mention of your friends. Another trick you had to pick up pretty quickly with so many heartrenders by your side. You silently thanked Nina every time you used her trick to calm your heartbeat. Only thanks to her, no one has yet received any clues or evidence that you can play the role of a double agent. "Or deserters? They should not have the honour of seeing Ravka get greater after years of oppression."

"The courts will judge them. We will not deal with such unimportant things; as soon as we secure our country from hostile neighbours, we will deal with internal changes. We'll make sure the Grisha are safe on their own land. There will be time for everything else later."

The courts... when Aleksander's plans come true, he will become a tsar. Establisher of new laws. Guardian of peace and justice. He will judge his enemies. You couldn't let any of your friends stand in front of him then. Or better, to prevent Aleksander IV/The Darkling from reigning at all.

"The sooner we get there, the better. What do you think, moonlight?"

"The people are tired, and our horses are too. I don't think a day's delay will do us any harm. Everyone will have enough time to gain strength and prepare for the firebird hunt or other tasks."

"With all due respect, moi soverenyi, Lady Y/N is right. The mood in the camp is not good; people could use a little respite."

"Then it will be as my moon said. Tell our people to get ready for tomorrow. You can get some rest yourselves. You all are free." Aleksander released them, shocking both his men and you with how easily he changed his mind.

He put his hand on your thigh, stopping you from leaving the tent with his soldiers. It wasn't until the last Grisha was out of your sight that he turned completely towards you.

"Are you sure everything's okay? You've been acting weird lately." he asked, examining your face carefully. You really wish Genya was here… she'd be better at concealing your dark circles than face powder.

"Weird? No I... I just trying to fit into a new role. I have to admit that it's very hard to be you." he chuckled, moving your chair closer to him so you could lean against his side. He ran one hand through your hair and wrapped the other around your waist to feel you against him.

"I don't know what you do or how you charm everyone around you, but you don't have to try very hard to earn their respect. They already value your decisions and adore you. They even call you a Sankta. It's so much more than I'll ever be."

"Should I call you Sankt Aleksander, then?" you asked, raising an eyebrow with a teasing smirk on your face, to which he just snorted in amusement. If you were a heartrender, you would know how his heart beat faster as soon as he saw that smile on your face.

"As long as I have my own star shining for me, I can stay known as The Saint With No Stars." he said, kissing your cheek and resting his forehead against the side of your head. You sat like that for a while, enjoying the hug and each other's presence.

It wasn't just your people who were tired. You two, too, have felt the burden of the past few weeks acutely. The search for amplifiers, the fights between Aleksander and Alina, your secret help to the crows, performing in front of an audience, recruiting new Grishas—Aleksander's entire war campaign took its toll on him as well as on you.

And while you wanted to curse yourself for seeking solace in the arms of the man who made you go through all of this, you just couldn't (and didn't want to) deprive yourself of his comforting presence. Ironic, right? To find peace and safety in the arms of someone you should hate with all your heart.

"You're not alone, my little saint. You can tell me everything that bothers you. You don't have to deal with your thoughts by yourself." he whispered into your hair, holding you tighter.

He wasn't Kaz. If he had heard even a speck of your doubts, he would have increased his guard around you and watched you more than before. He couldn't know what was in your head, what tormented you day and night, or the moral struggle within you. That you felt something for both of them at the same time. And that even if you tried so hard for the last few weeks, you couldn't sort out your feelings.

"It goes both ways, Aleksander." you mumbled, pulling away from him so you could cup his cheek with your hand.

You ran your finger across one of his black scars. He narrowed his eyes as soon as he felt your soft skin on his scar. You knew he hated them. That he despised any reminder of what had happened in the fold. About how his volcra played with him. For a moment, you thought he would drop the idea of extending the fold after this. However, in some strange way, his encounter with the volcras only strengthened that desire.

You planted a small, tender kiss on one of the particularly large scars—the one running down the centre of his face. Aleksander sighed tremblingly.

"Using merzost and summoning nichevo'ya only makes them worse. You do not have to do that. You don't have to destroy yourself from within to fight this war."

"I'm not weak. I know my limits, Y/N."

"I never doubted it, Aleksander." you ran your hand through his hair, calming his anger. You've probably both been surprised at how easily you can change his mood every time you do it. "You are hundreds of years old, more experienced in your power than any Grisha on this earth. That doesn't mean that you'll listen to your limits or that you won't push yourself beyond your safe border. You know what I'm worrying about all the time? You. Whenever you use this."

"Don't bother yourself with it. I'll always be back for you. No matter how many nichevo'ya I summon or how much merzost I use. Nothing can keep me away from you."

You didn't answer anything. Instead, you moved to his lap and caught his lips in a tender kiss.

It was your safe answer to each of his gentle declarations of love. He would never refuse your kiss; the feeling of your soft, warm lips on his was like nothing else he had known or felt in hundreds of years. Unfortunately for you, he wasn't the only one whose heart beat faster the moment your lips met.

And even though neither of you trusted each other, you enjoyed that little sweet moment between you two. After all, everyone needs someone close to them.

Even an enemy company was still better than none. But could you still call Aleksander your enemy?

~•♤♤♤•~

You had to admit that even though you were "on Darkling's team," not much had really changed in your life. For example, for balance, instead of dreaming about Aleksander, you dreamed about Kaz… and you didn't know which of those dreams were worse.

On nights like this, when you lay by Kirigan's side (which was rare considering how much of a workaholic he was), you weren't afraid that he'd accidentally hear you whisper Brekker's name. Even the shadow lord had to rest sometime, and when he did, he usually slept soundly.

That's why you fell asleep peacefully, wondering if your mind would give you at least a moment of peace and let you enjoy a blissful, unconscious sleep.

You groaned as an unimaginable amount of light hit your eyes. You rubbed your eyes and turned on your other side to hide your face on the shoulder of the man next to you. A very familiar and rare giggle made you open your eyes immediately.

"Kaz?"

"Finally. I thought I wouldn't wake you up until noon. And believe me, I've tried many things. Even the trumpets." he was surprisingly in good spirits, and the mere fact that he didn't flinch from embracing you while you were lying on the same bed under the same duvet told you it was just a dream again.

A real Kaz would never do something like that.

No matter how much you want it.

"You obviously didn't try hard enough." you finally choked out, glad to see that familiar amused-annoyed look on his face.

"Well, our little crow couldn't wake you up either."

"Little crow?" you asked, confused, but the man ignored your question. He ripped the covers off you, to your surprised squeal, and tossed them on one of the armchairs.

"I'll take care of her today. You and Jes are on a scouting mission at one of the mansions of those "rich snobs," as you like to call them. And for the saints' sake, Y/N, it's just a scouting mission. Our daughter doesn't have the best role models anyway; it doesn't help that her mother fights all over the place with literally everyone just because she's a powerful moon summoner and thinks she can do anything." he said as he was going through the closet. He threw some clothes at you, laughing when instead of you catching them, you let them hit your face.

You were so shocked that you couldn't make a move.

"Daughter?" your question remains unanswered again.

"Get dressed and go downstairs. Nina is making breakfast. I think you wouldn't want to miss it, Moonstone."

He left the room, leaving you dazed on the bed. What the fuck was going on here? You had a daughter. With Kaz. It really was a twisted dream.

You got dressed anyway and looked around the room. No extraordinary things. Just a bedroom with things that would probably belong to Kaz and you. You sighed as you opened the door. Your room was normal, practically identical to Kaz's, but the hallway looked... homely. Too homely, judging by the toys scattered around and the drawings of crows, Kaz, you, and some little kid. Your child.

Having no idea what might be waiting for you downstairs (apart from Nina making waffles and Kaz), you hesitantly descended the stairs as if they would take you to the heart of a great battle.

And you could partly say you were right.

You made your way to the living room, where everything else looked pretty normal. A few drawings, crayons, and pencils were strewn across the floor (some of the child's masterpieces were intertwined with Kaz's plans), but other than the usual mess, there was nothing out of the ordinary here.

The problem started behind the door leading to the dining room with an open kitchen, from where came children's shouts and laughter.

"Mom!" something small attacked you as you walked into the room, hugging your legs with all its strength so that you almost fell to the floor. "Aunt Inej helped me climb a huge tree! And Uncle Jes, Wylan, and Mat promised me and Lily that they would make us a playhouse on it. And you know what?! Dad taught me a new trick; can I show you?"

The pleading reflection in the eyes, so similar to yours and attached to a little face that was the perfect combination of you and Kaz, left you speechless. You were looking at your daughter. Child of the Moon Summoner and a Bastard from the Barrel.

"After breakfast, little spitfire. Let your mother wake up. Our moon girl doesn't take mornings very well." Jes answered for you as she dragged you to the table where the rest of the crows were sitting. Between him and Wylan sat their own princess, probably the same age as your daughter.

It might be unrealistic for the crows to be sitting in your kitchen eating breakfast before going on their missions, but you had to admit that as strange as it was, the dream was very... enjoyable. Especially when you saw your daughter climb into her father's lap and order him to cut the waffle into smaller pieces.

Even though you could barely make sense of the situation, everything seemed... normal.

As if Inej should always be showing the children tricks with her knives at the table, and Wylan and Jes should be bantering at your table with themselves and their adopted daughter like a good old couple.

As if Nina was always meant to be your cook, laughing at that "Mr. Amazing Hat" should have paid her double for feeding you all while she forced Matthias to help her.

As if Kaz was doomed to watch them all with a little smirk, occasionally giving you a fond look while he entertained your daughter on his lap.

And for a moment, you felt as if you belonged to this world of your invention, as if you had always belonged there.

The crows dispersed (too fast for you), leaving you alone with Kaz and your daughter, who ran upstairs to get ready to spend the day with Uncle Wylan, Lily, and Dad.

And when Kaz took your hand, pulled your chair closer to his, and caught your lips in a soft, sweet "good luck" kiss, you prayed to all the saints you knew to never wake up from this dream.

"Be even a minute late and I'll send half the Dregs after you." you shivered as his ungloved hand caressed your cheek gently.

"Kaz Brekker worried about someone? I can't believe I lived to see that day." he adjusted the ring on your finger—the exact same one he gave you to defend against the Darkling—and planted a kiss on your ring finger.

"I take care of what's mine." you knew from the mischievous twinkle in his eyes that the bastard had something planned… you never thought he'd want to leave you a hickey on the most sensitive spot on your neck. You held your breath, not thinking, as you threaded your hand through his hair, pulling him closer. "Y/N Brekker has not given any feisty answer? I can't believe I lived to see that day."

And just as his hands finally touched the skin of your hot waist, your treacherous mind decided to end this beautiful, unrealistic dream... making you long for this moment and life you'll never have.

~•♤♤♤•~

You hate waking up like this.

When you had to return to this role. To fight emotions that did not make it any easier for you to make an already difficult decision.

Despite your pure, selfish desire to live as a simple crow, partner in crime (and not only) to Kaz Brekker, you've had to face the fact that you ARE a Sankta. Grisha. The world has given you a role you never wanted. But now that Aleksander had acquainted you with all otkazat'sas crimes against your people, you could not stand aside.

You had to finally take a side.

And you had to do it faster than you'd like.

You sighed as you looked around the empty bedroom. You saw a patch of light behind the curtain separating the Darkling's office from your bedroom. Without thinking, you pulled off the warm duvet and walked barefoot all the way to his office.

You stopped at the entrance to his office, watching as he busily worked on some sketches. His shadows hovered obediently around the distracted man, who hadn't even noticed your silent presence.

"You'll work yourself to death someday, making it too easy for your enemies." you accosted him, sending a streak of very bright light onto the papers he was holding.

You slowly walked towards him; the shadows parted on your way to the dark-haired man, who had been staring only at you since you turned his desk into a bedside lamp.

"Only if I'm not blinded by my moonlight first." with a flick of your wrist, your light disappeared, making the glow of the candle flames the only light in the general's "dark office".

"You're slowly turning into a mole, you know that, right?" he chuckled, extending his arm towards you. You walked over to him and leaned against him as he pulled you closer to him with one hand. "What is this?" you asked curiously, taking one of the sketches on his desk.

The man next to you tensed, trying to snatch the paper from your hands. You sat on top of him, reaching your arms high up to prevent him from doing so.

"Milaya..." he grunted a warning, placing his hands on your waist so you wouldn't accidentally fall off his lap.

Once you had a good look at the drawing, you turned in his arms and slid down so that your back was resting against his chest. You turned your head to look at his face. He stared at the drawing, avoiding your questioning gaze.

"Is it a house plan? Why are you drawing something like this?" he gave you a puzzled look, which made you snort in annoyance. "Don't look at me like that. I'll recognise your line anywhere. What is it for?"

He sighed, gently taking the paper from your hands and tossing it on the desk. He stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. But as soon as his gaze met yours, he opened up.

"After our conversation today, I thought that being Ravka's queen isn't something you needfully want… that's why I have this alternative."

"And what exactly are you thinking about?"

"Well… we'd have to take the reins of the new country for a while, but later, when things settle down? Someone else may be dealing with the weight of power."

"Wait… you… are you telling me you don't want to be a tsar?" you were shocked. You didn't know if he was playing with you or if he was being completely honest for the first time you'd met him. His words couldn't be trusted, but his eyes... when they looked at you so vulnerable... It was impossible to even think that there were evil intentions behind those eyes.

"As long as I have you? I don't want a throne, a crown, or having to go to those extravagant balls for highborn nobles who are too self-absorbed to take care of their people. And the last thing I want is to see you miserable because of the life you didn't want to."

"Hundreds of years on earth, and all your dreams are limited to living in a little hut with some moon summoner?"

"Lapushka, these are just preliminary plans. I'm not going to build you a little hut. It will be a palace."

And what could you say when a powerful Black Heretic volunteered to leave his established position just to fulfil some of your stupid dreams of a simple, normal life? What could you say when those captivating dark eyes, eyes that have seen more than one battle and cruel death, stared at you with such affection and devotion?

You did what you always did when you didn't know what to say to him.

You gently grabbed his neck and pulled him into a kiss. If he understood that you only did it when he left you speechless, he didn't show it at all. He enjoyed every ounce of your affection.

"Let's go back to bed, Sasha… tomorrow is also a day." you whispered into his mouth as you pulled away.

"Go. I'll be joining you soon."

You nodded, stepping slowly off his lap and forming a small ball of light in your hand, and headed back towards your bedroom.

"Thank you, Y/N." it completely froze you in place. You stood halfway to the "doorway" to your bedroom, completely unsure of what or why he was thanking you for. Someone who should rather curse you instead of being grateful for anything.

"Whatever for?" you asked, turning to face him, glad you managed to keep your voice from shaking.

"For believing in me. That you are one of the few who still stay by me. I wasn't completely honest, zyoma maya olya. Not with you. Not with anyone for many centuries. Despite my half-truths, you still chose to forgive me. To trust me. To be by my side. To help me." he said, walking over to you with his eyes fixed on yours in such a way that you realised those irises would be your undoing. In one way or another. "I just… I've been fighting this war alone for so long…" a red light went on in your head as soon as his hand cupped your cheek.

He was playing with you. He tried again to manipulate and deceive you. Your mind screamed for you to move away from his touch and do anything to break this spell between you. But your foolish heart was deaf to anything other than Aleksander's voice.

And those fucking puppy eyes he was giving you…

"You're not alone, Aleksander. Not anymore."

No matter how much you wanted to deceive yourself and your mind.

No matter how much you fought against his charm.

It was true. You will be with him till the end...

Either stabbing him in the back or being his queen. You weren't sure how it was going to end yet.

And your confused emotions and gullible heart only made it harder to hate the man who kissed you, like nothing in this world but you mattered to him.

~•♤♤♤•~

This time, you weren't plagued by any strange dreams about the future you might have had.

You woke up alone as usual to a tiny ray of sunlight that somehow made its way through the general's black tent. You involuntarily thought about Alina. Baghra told you she was supposed to take control of your little rebel group. You couldn't help but worry about the fate of the sun summoner. She didn't want to be a saint either. But she seemed to accept it better than you did.

"Moya soverennyia?" you sighed as someone's voice pierced through the tent. You really weren't up to it today.

"Yes?" you ask while still basking in the warmth of a bed.

"The general ordered me to tell you that we're leaving in two hours."

"Thank you."

Fortunately, the messenger merely set your breakfast tray down and did not disturb you any more. Reluctantly, you dragged yourself out of bed, changed clothes, and began flipping through the new letters to both you and the general.

Nothing could have prepared you for a letter from Colonel Rietveld.

With trembling hands, you broke the seal and opened the letter, making sure the envelope was burned in the fireplace as soon as possible. You didn't know how much time you had before Ivan or Fedyor burst in. You had to be quick.

Moya soverenyia,

I hate that name for you so much that it hurts me just to write it down.

Don't worry, I'm not a fool who writes such things at the very beginning of the letter without making sure that only your hands can open it. Despite your firm belief that I have remained that stupid, rash boy, I must say that I am not.

(And you know how much I "hate" proving you wrong.)

I don't know how much time you have to yourself (although I hope HE leaves you much longer compared to the time he is with you. I also believe you realise he doesn't deserve an ounce of your light.) so instead of properly scolding you for saving us and playing hero (lecture you won't miss), I'll get to the point.

We are close. Closer than he realises. That's why you don't have to play martyr, spy, hero, or whatever you're pretending to be now.

We need you with us to end the fold and HIM once and for all.

I need you.

So if you can… come to us. You know where to find me us. Crows always find their way to their nest.

I We are waiting for you, moon girl.

K.B.R.

P.S. I dare you to come back and take what's yours.

I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us.

"The crows always find their way to the nest… stupidest hint you could have given me, Kazzle."

"Y/N?! Are you ready to go?"

Fedyor's voice snapped you out of your thoughts about Brekker. You threw the letter into the fire, making sure that there was nothing left of it but ashes. Then you took your black-silver kefta and went outside with the heartrender for your first meeting with colonels.

Alina and the crows needed you. Kaz needed you.

If you were to run away, you'd have to do it at night, when Aleksander's guard dogs weren't watching your every step and he himself was sound asleep beside you. You just didn't know if you should do it. Running away would be your ultimate betrayal to Aleksander... betrayal to the other Grisha. Were you ready to fight the people you've become close to over the last few weeks?

All the people inside and outside the tent believed in their Sankta Y/N. That you will widen the fold together with Aleksander. That you will give them peace after years of fear, humiliation, and ridicule. That they would get their own safe piece of land to call home. But is it possible to build a house on the blood, tears, and bones of others?

The meeting dragged on unmercifully, and the mere fact that Aleksander was missing made you suspicious. He did not miss such meetings. Never. Something very important must have happened.

You finished the meeting earlier than planned. Fortunately, no one complained and they obediently left the tent. Fedyor walked you back and left you alone after you lied that you needed to finish packing and that you'd rather do it yourself without anyone's help.

You managed to sneak out of the tent without anyone by your side and go to the tent where Baghra was being held. You had a feeling that Aleksander might have gone there secretly from you. And you were right.

You slipped inside unnoticed and hid behind the tent's multiple layers of curtains, making sure none of them saw you. The shadows circling around the tent only made your task easier.

"Where is your sobachka? She never leaves your side, not if it isn't necessary." you rolled your eyes at the woman's snarky comment. She was lucky you preferred to eavesdrop on them.

"It's nice to see that you're starting to warm up to your future daughter-in-law and are worried about her. Y/N is resting before we left. I guess you understood that this is your last chance to tell me everything you know about a firebird."

"You want to marry her? Does she know about your plans?" she asked, as shocked by his idea as you were.

"No, but thanks, Baghra. At least you're interested in my opinion." you shuddered at the thought of having a woman as your mother-in-law. One of you would definitely not survive this.

"She'll find out at the right time."

"Like about everything else, darling." you thought bitterly. Maybe they were all right. Maybe Aleksander really was a lost cause, not worthy of your time...

"You don't want to learn from your mistakes, do you, boy?" at least you weren't the only one who thought so too. As you could see, Aleksander, however, did not care much about her words, or at least he did not show it.

"What do you mean?" he asked and took a step towards her, getting dangerously close to your hiding place.

"I don't recall Miss Y/L/N appreciating your half-truths lately. Despite what happened, you still repeat your actions. What a pity. But it's good for her. Maybe this time she will be smart enough to see that all you care about is your power and nothing more."

Baghra was right. You three knew it. A pre-Ravka Y/N; a girl before becoming a moon summoner; a thief before being kidnapped from Ketterdam would have fled to the other continent before the Darkling long ago. But you've changed... not exactly for the better.

"Y/N is by my side. She is all that matters now to me. She is the future. She will stay with me till the end. She is the one…"

By my side. I've always seen you by my side.

"Yes, I know she is." she cut him off with her trademark mocking smile. "But WHERE does her loyalty lie, boy?"

It was a very good question. A question you and Aleksander didn't have a sure answer to. You could say that he doubted your loyalty too, judging by the way he tensed slightly under his mother's gaze. But you knew him too well for a moment to have the illusion that he would let Baghra win their duel of words.

"Be careful. You don't really matter anymore. I can find the answer to my question without you. Y/N will help me."

I can only do this with you by my side. As my equal. As a person who thinks like me and can keep up with my plans. As my partner. As the only one I can trust.

"You put so much hope in this girl. What a naive child you became. She doesn't love you and never will love again. Once broken, trust cannot be rebuilt, Aleksander. Whatever beautiful lies she feeds you, they are just empty words. She will leave you. She'll run back straight into her boyfriend's arms right after she stabs you in that black, cold heart."

The silence after her words was painful. For both you and the man. Yes. It could all end like this. It would probably even be best for you - to get away from it all, from him, even before all hell breaks loose with the fold, Grishas and Otkazat'syas in the lead roles.

You could live peacefully. No saints, Grishas, power-hungry people, or your possibly dying just because of what you've become. Only you, Kaz and the crows.

I dare you to come back and take what's yours.

But could you just abandon the Grishas? To leave it all behind, like an unpleasant memory, and cut off from Ravka and her problems forever? Get away from HIM?

I will be back for you, my Y/N. Wherever you are hiding from me.

No. If Baghra was right about anything, it was that Aleksander would not stop chasing you as long as you lived. You were stuck with him. The light of his darkness... unless you eclipse him so much that there will never be any more shadows accompanying the moonlight.

I may not believe in saints, but I believe in you, Y/N. I will always believe in you.

You could have done it. You knew you were capable of this and even greater things. You could kill them both right now if you wanted to. Thanks to the little amplifier Aleksander had already given you, you were much more powerful than any of the shadow summoners.

But could you live without YOUR darkness?

"Tell me where to find the firebird." Aleksander's demand snapped you out of your thoughts. Only now have you noticed that Baghra has somehow gotten out of her shackles, summoning her shadows against her own son.

"It's too late for the firebird, boy."

"Please don't threaten me. It will be the worst for you." he didn't want to fight her. You saw it very clearly in his eyes. And you'd be lying if you said you weren't pleasantly surprised.

"You know that I loved you, Aleksander. I swear I did. But I guess it wasn't enough."

You don't agree with her. She could love him more—enough to wisely outsmart him and set him on the right path. But if she couldn't do it—his own mother— then how big were your chances?

"No, please no! No! Please! No! No!" dread. Something you've never heard in a Darkling's voice or thought he could feel. The sheer fear he showed immediately sparked your action.

You came out of hiding, running inside just in time to get between nichevo'ya and Baghra. A bright white light shot from your hand, blinding everyone in the tent except you. The nichevo'ya moved away from the woman and Aleksander, fleeing from you into a corner.

You glanced at Baghra, making sure she was okay, and ran over to Aleksander, who was kneeling on the floor.

"Y/N?" his low, scared tone of voice made your heart clench with grief. You knelt next to him, wrapping your arms around him tightly and rocking him back and forth.

"It's okay, Sasha. Nothing happened, everyone is fine."

"I… I didn't mean it. I swear. I…" he stuttered through his tears as the effects of summoning nichevo'ya took their toll on him.

"Shh, I know. Everything's all right, just give me a second, Sasha." Aleksander hugged you tighter, to Baghra's snort, which you shot a stern look at. Surprisingly, the woman looked away from you, wincing slightly. You were shocked that she left this tender, almost defenceless gesture of her son without comment. You glanced at her reddened neck from the grip of the shadows. Nichevo'ya must have hurt her badly to show signs of pain. Someone had to take her away and heal her. But you couldn't just leave him like that. "It's okay. I'll stay with you, Aleksander. I am not going anywhere." you whispered, placing a soft, tender kiss on his temple, back to making him sure he's safe. "Ivan!"

You've never been so grateful for the presence of a man hovering over you all the time. From your one glance, Ivan knew what to do next without hesitating for a moment: enter the tent full of shadows and lead Baghra out.

Now all you had to do was deal with the trembling Darkling in your arms, who seemed to cling to you like a child to a teddy bear after a nightmare.

"It's okay. They can't hurt anyone. I made sure they did not come any closer. You're safe, Sasha." you continued to whisper, stroking his back.

After a few minutes of listening to your comforting voice and heartbeat, it calmed him down enough for him to stop clinging desperately to you. He had you on his lap, running his hands over your body - making sure his shadows didn't hurt you.

You knelt like that for a while, looking into each other's eyes in silence. And for a moment, very brief and fleeting, you felt blissful, utter peace, completely forgetting about the cares waiting for you behind the tent curtain.

About people waiting for further commands from their soverenyias.

About the fact that holding you man was a terrible liar.

Love is for madmen, Y/N.

"How much of that have you heard?"

"Enough to know that you can't control them. None of them."

"I can… but only for a while." he murmured, still looking into your eyes and cupping your cheek. It took you a moment to realise what his words meant.

Your light was gone. And the Nichevo'ya themselves returned to him. Which should be impossible, considering you attacked them moments earlier. They should want to kill you. Just like Baghra.

And then the truth hit you.

Aleksander wasn't lying when he told you that you were his anchor. Only with you near him could he fully control his new power.

You didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Aleksander..." you chose to whisper his name tenderly and pull him into a kiss to calm both his maddening heart and your tangled thoughts.

You may have just saved Baghra, but will you be able to repeat your feat for someone else? Will Aleksander's shadows listen to him again and refrain from attacking you?

If Darkling had no control over them, why was he so desperate to enlarge the fold - to inflict even more pain on himself? Did he want to get rid of them this way - by exploiting most of his power? Or maybe he knew that his end was near anyway, and enlarging the fold was meant to be the culmination of his whole life? Maybe that's why he was so willing to give up a future for you. A future that he wouldn't have anyway?

You had so many questions, but the only person who knew the answers to them didn't seem willing enough to reveal their secrets. And yet... maybe it was enough just to talk to him? Before Kaz, the crows, Alina and Mal put their plan into action and got rid of him forever.

I dare you to come back and take what's yours.

Were you brave enough to confront the Black Heretic about the truth he was hiding? Did you even want to be privy to his plans?

I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us.

One thing was certain.

You had to choose a side.

Before it's too late to rescue your true love.

*Yes, there are two endings*

~•♤♤♤•~It's okay to love them both. I did - Katerina Petrova~•♤♤♤•~

You didn't know if you were doing the right thing.

You didn't know if removing the fold would actually solve the problem, or if it could have been solved peacefully by convincing the Otkazat'syas to create equal rights for the Grisha.

You didn't know if, after destroying the fold with Alina and giving Ravka's power to Nikolai, the situation would stabilise at all.

You didn't know if you could defeat the Darkling.

But you knew where and to whom to run as soon as the first stars appeared in the sky.

You weren't thinking at all. You just grabbed a few essentials and left everything behind as you ran straight ahead, exactly where your instincts told you to go. It's as if the moon and stars themselves led you to HIM.

Kaz was right. Crows know how to find their way to the nest.

You don't know who was more surprised. You or Inej patrolling their hideout. But you both agreed to throw yourselves into each other's arms as soon as your eyes met.

"It's good to see you." she murmured as the two of you parted. "Alina was worried that you'd changed your mind, that the Darkling had manipulated you again. Even Jes was panicking, and I have strong reason to believe Kaz is planning a way to get you out of HIS camp right now. Nina can't stand how his heart pounds every time the outside door opens."

"Then let's go inside before they storm against a hundred armed Grishas."

Inej put her arm around you and you both entered through a hidden passage to their "nest". You walked down the hall and were about to run inside when Inej grabbed your wrist and put her finger to her lips to silence you.

"For God's sake, Kaz, it's just Inej! Can you calm down before you have a heart attack because you get excited every time someone opens that damn door?!" Nina's annoyance amused you. You giggled, feeling genuine and carefree for the first time in months.

A sudden silence filled the living room. Inej dragged you with her to the entrance, confirming the crows' suspicions. You were home.

"What? No welcome hug for your moongirl? Ouch."

Jes was the first to lunge at you, nearly knocking you to the floor, and if it weren't for Alina, who was on your other side, hugging you with all her strength, you would have probably landed on the floor.

"About the damn time, Y/L/N."

You laughed a second time, hugging the rest of the crows who had joined you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Nikolai and Mal watching the scene with a smile. However, the group was effectively blocking your view of the one person you desperately wanted to see.

The tap of the staff made the crows and Alina move away from you. You were standing in front of Kaz, composed as usual, whose face showed no emotions. But the eyes… you were probably one of the few who could read those eyes.

"Missed me, Kazzle?" you asked, grinning mischievously as his nickname left your lips.

However, he didn't respond to your provocation. He stared at you for a moment, then took one slow step towards you. Then the second. Third. Fourth. His cane tapped on the old wooden floor until he stood in front of you. You were centimetres apart.

And just as you were about to make some funny, sarcastic comment, something astonishing happened. Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands HUGGED you.

You already hugged him. You were so happy and blessed by the saints that you knew the feeling of those arms around you. But he'd never done it so... calmly. As if his waters would never rise. As if Jordie couldn't appear in front of his eyes at any moment. And the soft sigh that only you could hear as he buried his face in your hair hinted at relief. Not fear. Not anxiety. Not disgusted by the touch. Just relief. And comfort.

"Welcome home, moonlight."

You didn't know how long your hug lasted or when the others left the room, leaving you alone. All you knew was that at that moment, your world was limited to the man in front of you. Your friend. A partner in crime. Your one true love.

Suddenly (much to your silent protest), he pulled away from you. You watched in surprise as he began to take off his glove. The ring stone gleamed in the candlelight, as did your white light, which unconsciously began to emanate from you the moment he hugged you.

"It belongs to you." he caught your eye, and without taking his eyes off yours, he took your left hand gently and put the ring on your finger. You shivered as his warm fingers touched your icy skin. You watched mesmerised as he leaned over your hand and placed a quick kiss on your ring finger.

"Who are you and what have you done with Kaz Brekker?" you whispered in a trembling voice, unable to believe what was happening.

"No snide remark about how unromantic I am proposing to you? Who are you and what have you done with Y/N Y/L/N?"

"You know damn well you need a bigger ring to propose to me."

"Duly noted." you giggled, which made him smile softly. You stared at each other, taking in the sight of each other and watching the changes in your appearance. You were both tired. You could tell by the dark circles under your eyes, but nothing could take away the sparkle of happiness. "I thought you'd stay. WITH HIM."

"I guess I just can't stay away from you for long. Even if there is someone who needs my help more than you."

"We need you. I… I need you." with his still-gloved hand, he cupped your cheek, never relaxing his grip on your hand as he moved closer to you. "I want you, Y/N Y/L/N. And I'm not gonna wait ages for you, just because it's never going to be safe for us. That's how we both live. Still in danger, fighting our enemies as well as we can. We can bear and deal with as many problems as no one else. If you hadn't come back for me, I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together—knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting. I… I will never stop fighting to be back with you. And those months without you… I told Pekka that the trick is not to love anything. Never, in all the years that you were gone and that I had you by my side in my worst and my best moments, have I ever realised that I was fooling myself. I loved this whole time, I still love and I'll always love."

"Kruge?" you saw him fight both his irritation and a smirk that threatened to break his bitter façade.

"I'm trying to be romantic for you here."

"And I'm trying not to cry and look even more like a mess. So forgive me for intruding on your speech with my comments you didn't anticipate, Brekker." he smiled, which made you mentally congratulate yourself on this small victory.

"I want you, Y/N Y/L/N. All of you." he suddenly let go of your hand and cupped your other cheek, moving so close that your noses were almost touching. The feel of his skin on yours was unearthly. It felt like a dream. And you'd curse any saint if it all turned out to be just another one of your dreams. "No matter what I have to do."

He was fighting with his haphephobia. For you. Because of you. And the sudden, impossible thought at that moment that you could live like in your dream crossed your mind.

You would take anything he could give you. It doesn't matter how much it would be, if it were just quick kisses on the forehead, hand, cheek, or a hug once a month. You don't care, as long as you have him.

"You've never had a problem getting what you wanted. What's stopping you now?"

And if Nina was annoyed by Brekker's rapid heart rate before, now she was furious when your heart had a fucking fit when Kaz kissed you.

You gasped in shock, freezing in place as you felt his soft lips on yours. Only after a moment, when Kaz wanted to move away from you in embarrassment, you grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to you, returning the kiss with all your longing and burning heart for him.

He must have breathed in relief as you took control and guided his inexperienced lips (although you had to be honest, he made the heat spread over you - which the sudden flash of white light illuminating the room only proved). You had to work on this sudden release of your light in his presence. Something that Brekker won't fail to joke about at the earliest opportunity.

You moved away from each other. You watched him closely, making sure he was okay. Kaz pushed your hair behind your ear and leaned in for another kiss. You were about to stop him, fearing it would be too much for him all at once, but luckily someone else interrupted you.

"Finally! The tension between you could be cut with a knife. Zenik! Give me my money! I was right—he'd pounce on her as soon as he saw her. That's my boy! Look, Wylan, how fast they grow. Only yesterday, he was our little boy who hadn't had his first kiss yet."

"Jesper." Kaz growled, glaring at him sternly. You were amazed at how quickly he went from sweet Rietveld to menacing Brekker.

"Yes, brother?"

"Run."

Jesper didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed Wylan's hand and dragged him deeper into the hideout, laughing. From the loud slam of the door, you guessed he had locked himself in their room with him.

"Saints, Kaz, you can actually look happy!" Nina decided to take over the role of the absent Jes.

"Don't be ridiculous." he snarled, taking your hand and pushing his way through the people in the hallway, probably following in Jes' footsteps and locking the two of you into his own room.

But Nina was right. There was no mistaking it for anything else. Kaz Brekker was smiling like an idiot in love. And you probably had a similar smirk on your flushed face.

~•♤♤♤•~

You made it. You and Alina destroyed the fold. With fascination, all of you watched as it slowly disappeared from the world.

But it wasn't over yet. You glanced briefly at Kaz and the crows and nodded to Alina. The final stage of your plan. Defeating the Darkling.

You and Alina separated, walking through the remnants of the fold with your own lights at the ready.

You knew you'd be the one to find him. He wouldn't mind adding even more drama to the situation.

After you left him, he tried to contact you by infiltrating your dreams, but with the two amplifires in your body, you were now too powerful for that trick to work any longer.

You walked among the worst of the remaining shadows, knowing full well that he must be among them. You could feel it through your bond.

"Aleksander." you said without turning to face him. You knew that he was there, watching you, as always.

"Y/N. Are you going to kill me?" the mockery in his question fueled your anger. You turned around, drawing your sword in front of you. You were right. He stood surrounded by the remnants of the fold that defended itself against the destructive power of you and Alina.

"You left me no other choice." you snapped back, tensing as he took a step towards you, not caring at all about the weapon in your hands.

"Your hands are shaking. It doesn't make you look like a formidable opponent, my Y/N."

"I don't want to kill you, Aleksander. I never wanted to." you decided to change your tactics. You lowered your sword and walked over to him, facing the man as you both stared at each other.

"We could have changed the world. You and me. Together."

"Yes. We could." his gaze flicked to your lips for a moment, then he looked at your eyes again, searching for any feelings in them. This time, you'll lure him into your trap. You will be his end, just like you promised him. Even though you really didn't want to. "But I was never yours, Aleksander. I was meant to be a crow. Not a saint. Not a moon summoner. Not your equal. Maybe we could have had it all, but not in this life."

"We shall meet again, Y/N. This is not the end of our story."

"Possibly…" you took a step closer, resting your forehead against his. "But it will continue only in hell." before he could summon the shadows, you blinded him with your light, and in one swift movement, you plunged your sword through his heart.

"Without me… now they will come for you." he tried to scare you by reminding you of his shadows.

"Then let them come." you took the sword out of him, flinching as black liquid began to drip from the blade to the ground. Aleksander fell to his knees. You dropped your weapon and grabbed him as you helped him lay on the ground as he took his last breaths.

"And yet I die in your arms." he paused, coughing up black blood. Your guilt increased as grief overcame you. He didn't deserve such an ending, but you knew there was no other way but his death. "Make sure there is nothing left from me. Please, Y/N. Please."

"You have my word... I'm sorry, Aleksander." he cupped your cheek with his hand, staring intently at you as death slowly took him away.

"Don't be… my sweet, little saint." his hand dropped, and his head tilted back towards the moon shining next to the sun. Aleksandr Morozova died.

You screamed, suddenly feeling the light in your chest trying to split you apart. You don't know how long you screamed air from your lungs until the pain went away. With tears still streaming from your eyes, you stood up on shaky legs.

"Y/N?!" Alina ran over to you, immediately helping you stay on your feet. "What happened? We only saw your light and heard your scream."

"I… I don't know… I… I don't feel my power, Alina." the sun summoner had no time to reply. Kaz was on the other side immediately, carefully examining your face and body for any wounds. "I'm fine, Kazzle. Will you help me? I… I promised him something."

Brekker glanced at the Darkling's lifeless body. He nodded to you, handing you his cane.

"Take it. And tell us what to do." you took it from him with trembling hands and stood leaning against it. It actually helped. It was easier for you to stand on your own two feet.

"We have to… we have to burn him."

The funeral, if you could call it that, was modest. Alina and Kaz (and later you, when you convinced Brekker that you could pick twigs with his cane) made a funeral pyre, and Alina lit it with her light.

Your power has not returned. You had your suspicions.

You stood at the burning pyre. Alina and you stared blankly at Aleksander, both in their own ways "mourning" his passing. You felt Kaz's burning, worried gaze on you as you stood holding the metal crow's head tightly in your hands.

"Are you sure that…"

"Yes, Kaz. I am okay. You don't have to worry, I'll give your cane back in a minute." he opened his mouth, ready to argue with you, but luckily, you were interrupted.

"What happened there?"Jesper asked you when the crows finally got to the three of you. They stared at the burning pyre in shock.

"I killed him… the Darkling... Aleksander. And I think I accidentally lost my powers because of it. He was an amplifier. Apparently you can only have a few before it takes your powers."

"Should we be concerned that you don't care too much?"

"No. I never wanted to be a saint. I guess it was always my destiny to be a crow." Kaz gave you a worried look. You sighed, nodding your head slightly. He knew you better than anyone else. He knew how the Darkling's death affected you. Even if you led him to it. He walked over to you and grabbed your hand, drawing letters on your skin.

I am with you. Through everything.

I know. Thank you, Kazzle.

"So this is the end?" Jesper's question pulled you both out of your silent conversation.

"Of this journey. There will be another. And another one. And another. And so many others until we all hadn't had our own palaces and tonnes of kruge." you said with a smirk, taking the hat from Kaz and putting it on your head, to the crows laughing and your boyfriend snorting.

"Sounds good to me, moongirl. Wait… we'll have to come up with a new nickname for you. But that's later. So? What's next, boss?"

Kaz glanced at Alina. She nodded at him, giving you a small, tired smile.

"Follow us." Kaz grabbed your hand and led you arm-in-arm. You both held on to his cane.

You smirked, out of the corner of your eye noticing Inej disappearing into the shadows and the rest of the crows following you. You turned your gaze to Kaz. You looked at each other, exchanging knowing smiles.

Ketterdam, your bastards are coming home.

~•♤♤♤•~It's okay to love them both. I did - Katerina Petrova~•♤♤♤•~

"What are you doing, lapushka?"

Even though he came from behind you, you didn't stop packing. You're used to him sneaking up on you when you least expect it. This time, you even felt his presence before he spoke.

"I'm packing my things."

"I can see that. My question is: WHY are you packing into your backpack instead of OUR chest?"

Several hours had passed since "the Baghra incident". The whole camp was packing up. Including you. You weren't going to stay here any longer and pretend everything was fine. Since Aleksander was going to pursue you anyway, you might as well break his heart before you leave. Just like he did with yours...

"You're a very, very clever man. I guess you can figure it out on your own. Like everything else." you replied coolly, never pausing to fold your clothes to give him even the slightest glance.

"Milaya… it was a really crappy few days. If you want to punish me, then…"

"I'm not your mother, Aleksander." you interrupted him coldly, not taking your attention for a moment from the things you were packing. "My job is not to raise, punish, admonish, or pay attention to you. But I don't think that you actually care when Baghra tries to give you some sense, so that would be pointless action from my side anyway."

"Then what is this? Manifestation of your anger and irritation? Should I get on my knees before you and apologise?"

"Well it would be nice, but as honest as saying that Ivan is our army's sunshine, so you can keep this, I believe, very considered apology for yourself."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"Nothing." your indifferent attitude annoyed him enough that he walked across the half of the tent to you in two steps and dumped the entire contents of your backpack onto the bed. "By acting like that, you're just proving me right." you replied, this time not folding anymore but immediately packing the clothes into the bag. Your mood lifted as you saw the annoyed, angry crease on his forehead.

"Right about what?! Leaving me just because…"

"THIS IS THE PROBLEM, ALEKSANDER!" you finally graced him with your gaze, turning towards the speechless man. You rarely screamed. Especially in anger. And almost never on him. "It isn't just a slight, unimportant thing that couples are fighting for. You broke my trust again! You hid the whole truth from me again! You put me in a position where I have no other choice but to leave you, so don't act like a surprised fool! It was you who broke us apart. It's always you. You want to make me the villain in our love story? Fine. Do it. But the truth is that YOU are the one who can't trust me. And yet it is you from our two who can't be trusted." during your furious monologue, you didn't even notice that you were walking up to him the whole time, until you pinned him against the wall of the tent.

You stared at him with resentful eyes, and just as you were about to pull away from him, you felt his hands on your wrist and neck. He changed your positions, moving much closer to you so that your chests were touching with each heavy breath you took in tandem.

"Careful, moonlight. You may know me, maybe even better than I do, but don't forget that I have that power over you too. If you wanted to go away, you would be now on your way to your pathetic friends' group. But you're here, talking to me. You don't want to leave. Why?"

"You know why." you whispered, refusing to admit what you both feel. You won't say the "L" word to him. Aleksander gently rubbed his nose against yours. The moment he was about to catch your lips in a kiss, you broke free from his grip and stood a few feet away from him. "But it doesn't matter what I want. I changed, Aleksander. I'm not going to stay. Not when you clearly don't want me to be your equal partner."

"I DO! Everything I do is for US!" he shouted, closing the distance between you.

"Then let me in! Completely. Not only to what's convenient for you to say to me. Or you will have no one to celebrate your great victory with. Surely not me." you growled, heading towards the exit of the tent, intending to leave him and it all behind you.

"Wait." you were not an obedient dog. He couldn't order you. "Please." the vulnerability in his voice shocked you enough to stop. A few steps from the exit. From ending everything you had ever had in common. "I was going to tell you about… about them… I just wanted to give you a little break before I put you again into my problems." you snorted in amusement, shaking your head in disbelief, when you heard the same fairy tale again. They were all right. He will never change. Not for you. "I was also scared!"

"Scared? Scared of what?" you groaned, turning to face him with folded arms.

"That I'll lose you the moment you realise I'm not as powerful as all of you think." you sighed, rubbing your forehead tiredly. You loved him. You really loved him. Despite everything he's done. But you've had enough of all of it by now.

"It isn't all about power, Aleksander. It never was. What a pity that you haven't realised it yet, after hundreds of years on this earth."

"And what choice did I have? With all those people who have always only wanted me dead? Who wanted other Grishas' deaths? Without power, you cannot do anything. You can't protect anyone by being weaker than your enemies, Y/N." he walked over to you and grabbed your hands, trying desperately to convince you to stay.

"You know what the real power is, Sasha? Family, love, friendship, loyalty—that's power. You can gain their respect, even make them fear you, and have them follow your every order without blinking, but this kingdom you want to create will not last the first century. Not if you continue to think like that. No one will follow the commands of a cruel Tsar who is afraid of losing control over everything and everyone."

"Watch your words. You're forgetting who you're talking to." he returned to this malevolent form of the Darkling. But you weren't a teenage Y/N from Ketterdam anymore. You were Grisha. Saint. Nobody and nothing could stop you.

"No. No, I don't. I'm talking with Aleksander. The man who taught me how to summon my light so I didn't have to train each day with his crazy mother. My Sasha, who stole for me chocolate for the kitchen and read to me Ravkan's fairy tales when my nightmares caught me at night. Not Kirigan or the Black Heretic. And you? Do you know who I'm talking to?" you asked, joining your hands again and forcing him to look into your eyes.

The sudden silence that filled the room after your words overwhelmed you more than your screams.

"Send for me when you know. I'm going to Kribirsk with Fedyor. You can join us when you have finally decided who you are."

You let go of his hands and gave him a disappointed look as you left the tent. You exhaled, shuddering as the chill night air hit your face, which was heated with emotion. Tears of helplessness began to come to your eyes. You couldn't change him. And even though you loved the shadow summoner in a strange way, you knew that being with him was destructive to both you and him. He couldn't be yours, and you didn't want to be his if that meant always being second to his Machiavellian plans.

Even though you and Aleksander had a fight about hiding the truth, you did it too. You weren't going anywhere with Fedyor. You went back to the crows. With a heavy heart, crying and dying inside because of the man you still loved. Feeling guilty that you left him alone and that this conversation will probably be your last until you all meet in the fold. Once he finds out you betrayed him, there's no going back. You will lose him forever.

You just hoped this whole war wouldn't end up as gruesome as in your nightmares.

And that he will be back for you.

~•♤♤♤•~

"You look like death."

Alina said as you made your way through the fold. You snorted, making room for her next to you, not taking your eyes off the shadows circling around you. If all goes your way, in two hours there won't be a trace of the fold... and neither will HE be.

"Thank you, Ali, you look as terrible in this war as I do."

"You know that's not what I mean. You miss him." you stood frozen, causing her to stop as well.

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. I don't blame you for that. It's only logical that you feel that way about him. You have history and chemistry. I remembered how all the Little Palace was too scared to get on your nerves or train with you too hard in case Aleksander would get angry at them for "hurting his Y/N".

"This is the past, Alina. We're no longer in the Little Palace." you growled at her, trying to maintain your mask of indifference. You must not care about him.

"I just want to say… that I understand if..."

"There will be no ifs, Alina. It ends here." you cut her off before she could add anything else. You had one job as a moon summoner: to destroy the fold. You had to do it. Even at the cost of burying your own heart in the process.

Alina opened her mouth, probably wanting to continue arguing with you, when suddenly even more shadows surrounded you. Alexander must have been close. Which means that nichevo'ya and volcra too.

"Let's split up. One of us will distract him."

"Why do I feel like it's supposed to be me?! Alina!" you failed to stop the sun summoner. You cursed, summoning your light and scaring away the shadows circling around you.

The more you kept them away from you, the more they attacked you. You knew you had to leave the fold as soon as possible before you lost the last of your strength. You could have had two amplifiers, but you still couldn't match the power of the fold.

You started running in the direction you came from, hoping to run out of here and find Alina.

You didn't get far before one of the volcra grabbed your cloak, knocking you to the ground. You lost your concentration for a moment, and all the light around you went out. Panicked, you only managed to summon a small orb of light, which momentarily blinded the shadow creature.

You tried to get up, but the pain in your left leg wouldn't let you. You cursed as you saw a pool of blood gathering under your leg. You impaled yourself on some roots. A glorious death awaited you.

You closed your eyes, trying to summon as much light as possible to keep the volcras away from you.

Suddenly, instead of the warmth of your power, you felt more and more cold around you. One single tear spilled from your eye as you slowly began to accept your death and imprisonment by the shadows of the fold.

However, for a long time, nothing happened. You opened your eyes uncertainly and watched in a daze as the nichevo'ya chased the volcras away from you, attacking the more aggressive ones.

"It's okay. I've got you, milaya." his soft whisper against your ear gave you more comfort than any shadow or light. And you were ashamed of how much power he had over you.

You felt him gently take you in his arms, cutting off the roots you had impaled yourself with earlier. He secured your wound and wrapped his cloak around your legs. The Nichevo'ya continued to fight the volcra around you, scaring them away from you.

"Why? Why you did it?" you asked with a trembling voice. He had no interest in saving you. Your death would only help carry out his plans. And yet he entered the fold FOR YOU. And saved you from his volcras.

"You know why, zyoma maya olya (moon of my life)."

You didn't ask him anything else. You let yourself sink into his embrace and bury your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling that comforting scent. You almost fell asleep as you rocked gently in his arms with every step he took.

Suddenly, he stopped. You looked around. You were close to the exit. You turned your gaze to him, finding his eyes already staring at you.

"Alina is waiting for you on the other side. I believe some of the crows are there too." he was about to pull you to your feet, but you stopped him by gripping his arm tightly.

"Wait." your mouth said before your brain could process what you wanted to say. He stared at you expectantly, waiting for your next move. "Please, Aleksander. Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Please don't make me choose I... I love you. I've loved you since you taught me about the constellation, since the first night you helped me with my Ketterdam's nightmares, since the first time I saw you, using the cut to save me and Alina I... I don't know how, but... I... I can't lose you. Please, Aleksander." you fell apart. Entirely. You released all your suppressed emotions, crying into his kefta, little knowing that he was fighting back his own tears.

"And what do you want me to do, milaya? I've spent ages getting to this point."

"And will you be truly happy? Is it all really worth it, Aleksander? Will you be jubilant when you enlarge the fold?" he sighed, resting his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes, listening to your rapid breathing.

"You can't just come to me, make a puppy-kicked face, say for the first time you love me, and expect me to change my hundred-year-old plans." you nudged his nose with yours, making him open his eyes to face your tearful ones, red from crying.

"Aleksander... please." you saw it. The battle that was going on inside him and the same willingness to give in to his desires and your desires to be together. And you prayed to all the saints to change his mind.

"If I do it, I'm never going to hear the end of it from my mother. You know that?"

"If it's any consolation, I promise I'll be there for you when she mocks us."

"You better do it, my little saint." he murmured, kissing your forehead as he resumed his march towards the exit of the fold.

You couldn't believe your luck. Aleksander chose you. Over his plans. You became the first and most important thing in his life.

If it was just a dream, you never wanted to wake up from it.

Despite the gravity of the situation—getting out of the fold in Aleksander's arms—you couldn't help but snort quietly into his kefta when you saw the shocked and terrified faces of your friends. The Darkling carried the moon summoner out of the fold. The most unlikely thing to see on a Monday morning.

Aleksander approached them slowly. He took his cloak off your legs and spread it on the ground, laying you on the black material. He stood next to you, making sure you were comfortable beforehand, and cleared his throat awkwardly.

You had to see the positives in this situation. At least no one had gone after him with a gun yet.

"Miss Zenik, could you look at her leg, please?" his question snapped the woman out of her stupor. She walked uncertainly over to the two of you and began to heal your wound, giving you an incredulous look.

Aleksander stood next to you, not caring more than usual about the surprised and terrified looks the others were throwing at him. Of course, Baghra spoke first.

"You're more stupid than I thought."

"Which one?" you asked for Aleksander, whom she looked at confusedly. You don't think either of them expected him to just stand by your side like that.

"You for falling so easily for him and him for letting himself be wrapped around your finger."

"Well, it's a very beautiful and powerful finger, mother." the crows' jaws dropped in surprise at this new revelation, and you rolled your eyes at the obvious malice from the now very amused Aleksander.

"I'm guessing you're not going to fight us? Will you help us or are you going to betray us, and is this another of your plans?" Alina stood in front of the group, eyeing him warily.

"I'm here for some reason. Definitely not betraying, Alina."

"Which is?" Kaz stood beside Alina, shooting the shadow summoner a hostile, distrustful look.

"My moonlight, Mr. Brekker." Aleksander reciprocated, giving him one of his darker looks. Yes, you forgot that these two can fight each other. Something will have to be done about this in the future...

"Okay, I'm done! We can move on to our plan before some jealous Western or something like this starts here." luckily, you had Nina to help you stop "the cockfight" for now.

Aleksander and Kaz rushed over to help you up. You grabbed each of them by the hand, and thanks to these two, you got to your feet. The men gave themselves furtive, hostile glances.

"Then let's go. It looks like the three of us are going to change the world together after all, Aleksander." Alina tried to defuse the tension and led you all towards the fold.

Aleksander didn't shy away from kissing you in front of Kaz before grabbing your hand and catching up with Alina, questioning her about the details of your plan.

Yes, you will definitely have to deal with these two later. But for now, the three of you were going to change the world...

"I love you too, my precious moonlight. More than you could ever know." he whispered in your ear moments before you destroyed the fold.

You didn't know what the future held for you, but you were sure of one thing.

Aleksander was supposed to keep you close to him through it all. And he will always be back for you.

We all know from books that Alexander didn't sleep much. And we know why it happened.

But…What if it wasn't always because of his affairs or nightmares? What if sometimes his mind played cruel games with him and he saw her?

Hi! Can you do a what it would be like to date Billy Russo/Darkling/Logan Delos/any other of Ben's characters post?

Hi! Of course, thank you for asking 😊 this got a little more fic like than I intended 😳

I think it's pretty gender neutral overall (except with the Darkling and his Tsaritsa)

Dating the Darkling / Billy Russo / Logan Delos / Caspian / +Sirius Black (because why not? 😇😈😉)

note: I have not seen much of Westworld so I'm making a lot of assumptions about Logan

• Billy Russo masterlist • Main Masterlist • Moodboards masterlist •

Dating the Darkling

The biggest problem with him (from a matchmaking point of view) is his immortality.

I don't think he would even entertain the idea of being with someone who's not as powerful as he is or doesn't have the potential to be. He has seen enough people die to learn to not get attached to mortals.

When he realises he found his equal, he fights tooth and nail to get them. It's not necessarily love at that point, more like a desperate fixation, rooted in fear of being alone forever.

He charms you effortlessly.

Yes, he manipulates and lies or tells half-truths when it suits him but he means no harm with that (at least not to you).

Slowly he starts to truly fall in love and lets his guard down, so much so that fragments of the truth slip here and there and his Milaya starts to put the pieces together.

When his secret is out and he gets confronted he kinda guilts you into giving him another opportunity with things like "Would you have given me a chance if you knew?" and "I was so afraid to lose the only light in my life after so many years of darkness."

He makes promises to you that he's not sure he can keep

He is crafty and diabolical if he needs to be but seducing you (even more) takes all his efforts because you are on your guard now.

It takes a long time to get you to trust him again but he is patient and after all, you have all the time in the world.

He feels a weird excitement in corrupting you ever so slowly until you fall for his charms again.

He seals the deal as soon as he knows he has you.

Aleksander marries you a week within the proposal.

A few years go by and you get stronger than ever. Together.

You mature over this time and you see through your husband more and more but the war also hardens you and you start to see things his way, meanwhile, he gets a teeny tiny bit softer (in his old age - you joke) but that all fades away in a moment if anyone threatens you or puts you in harm's way.

The Tsar's last mistake is to try to assassinate you when he begins to fear your husband's power and influence.

Aleksander starts a war for you.

He planned this for a long time but wasn't prepared to care for you or for your life to be threatened like this.

So all his carefully planned strategies go out the window and he uses his power to claim the throne.

His darkness consumes him and he makes some bad decisions but for the second time since you met him, you drag him out of the shadows and this time you take your place beside him as his equal.

His Milaya becomes his Tsaritsa.

Aleksander never tries to control you again and you find your way back to the freedom you never realised you've lost.

Your relationship changes after that.

No more fear or darkness, no more pointless deaths for your kind. You lead your people to a better future and stay on the throne with Aleksander for many centuries.

People come and go in your life but he is constant, always there for you as you are for him.

It takes a toll on you though and you wonder how he managed to live so long without going completely insane.

That thought led you to bond with him even more, he learned to be completely honest with you (when it mattered, a little white lie never hurt anyone).

After you've created your prospering nation, you founded the basics of an equal society where the people would govern and chose their own fate.

You retired from people, tired of watching them wither away and lived your happily ever after with Aleksander, secluded from most of the world but happy that you never have to fear losing him.

Dating Billy Russo

Billy doesn't want to let anyone close to him, at the same time (deep down) he is yearning for love, appreciation and acceptance but he has issues™ so I don't think he could get involved in a real relationship with any of his flings.

You start out as acquaintances. Maybe you meet via your job or a common friend. The attraction is there and he flirts, oh he flirts but nothing comes of it for a while.

Let's be honest, you'd have to be at least a little fucked up to have a chance with him. Like calls to like but hopefully you are different enough to balance the crazy and get something good out of it.

He'd go for someone who is a challenge for him and you develop this bickering, flirting mess of a friendship.

But it would take a lot more for him to let his walls down. Oh who am I kidding, he never would, not consciously.

He was abandoned and hurt too much to let even a crack in on his fortress of walls around his heart but eventually, you manage to sneak a peek of the real him here and there.

It's during your first really nasty argument that he realises likes you likes you.

You call on his bullshit. Maybe he was lying to you or a jealous fit of rage came over you and you'd throw all your frustration at him, unintentionally revealing how much you know the real Billy behind all that facade and just how much you care for him.

The argument turns into angry sex. He kisses you like his life depends on it. It's wild and rough and everything you dreamed but you chicken out the morning after and leave before he wakes up.

He is pissed and determined. No way you have a chance against Billy Russo on a mission. He wants you and he's gonna get you.

You avoid him like plague, asking advice from Frank on how to handle Billy but you only get a laugh and a 'Good luck with that'

You decide to hide at Matt's place for a few days but it's the worst you could do because Billy was always jealous of your relationship with your lawyer friend.

So Billy finds you in no time. He just marches in beside Matt, who is holding the door wide open for him with a barely contained grin, and Billy cups your cheeks, smashes an aggressive kiss on your lips then simply bends down and throws you over his shoulder, taking you down to his car like it's an everyday thing to do while your protests are left ignored.

You try to talk to him, apologize, reason with him but he is just fuming in silence all the way to his home.

It's when you ask if you could just forget it happened and go on as you did before that gets him to react.

He's still angry with you, but you don't flinch when quickly grabs you by your neck. You know he would never hurt you. He doesn't say anything for a while, then his hand sneaks to your nape and he rests his forehead on yours, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.

When he collected himself a bit, he looks into your eyes and says the one thing he never thought he would say to anyone. Ever.

Those three words take your breath away, you only notice you are crying when he wipes your tears away.

You make love all night long, not willing to let go of the other.

He wakes you up with caresses and kisses, has his way with you in the shower again and makes you promise you would meet him at his office after work.

Billy arranges a date at a fancy restaurant. You enjoy the night but you convince him there is no need for any of the fuss. You agree that this feels fake and you'd rather want something real, a relationship on your own terms.

For the next few days, you're only home to get a change of clothes and it's not even a week after that that Billy convinces you to move in with him.

It's fast and it's crazy but it works and both of you are happy.

The thing is, if Billy Russo truly loves someone it's bordering on unhealthy obsession, he is prepared to give them anything and everything and is desperate to keep his love by his side.

He spoils you, still, you have a hard time getting used to it but it always warms your heart to see how happy he is when he can do it so you make a deal to let you return the attention.

He is just as uncomfortable with it as you were but you slowly start to develop something that resembles a healthy relationship and it's more than either of you imagined you would ever have.

He still keeps some secrets but he trusts you with his heart.

Frank often jokes that you stole his best friend, and in a way it's true. Billy has a connection with him, a brotherly bond but most of the time he still has his walls up with Frank, not with you though.

You get to see Billy Russo for who he is and he only loves you more for accepting every single wicked part of him.

Dating Logan Delos

It's a slow, slow, slow, slow burn

A spoiled, rich little bastard with issues™ like Logan would also be hooked on someone who turns his advances down at first, who can't be charmed with money or his ridiculously handsome face and boyishly charming smile.

He takes you to Westworld with an 'I can't wait to see who you are when you let go'

Logan is really disappointed when you decide to dress like a cowboy instead of a hooker which he vocalises more than once

You say you get on a dress like that if he can last the rest of the time here without sex

He really contemplates going into that wager but he'd rather try to get into your pants here than in the outside world so he passes up the opportunity

And he really tries

This is work, not vacation time. You remind him every so often when he wants to tempt you to do something fun.

When he says something really offending after a couple of days, like how much of a stuck up bitch you are

Your response is something among the lines of 'Why? Should I just fuck and drink all day long like you? I can't see how's that different from what you do outside.

It's a challenge and he wants to prove you wrong

He lets William drag you on an adventure but you part ways with his soon to be brother in law when he finds the girl and wants to play hero

You really don't like any of this? Never wanted to shoot anyone? He asks out of a sudden when you are about to play bandits.

I can think of one. You answer with less animosity than usual and he takes it as a good sign even though you just threatened him

You start to play the game more like Logan. You play like there are no consequences and it's kinda nice to let out your frustration

When you meet William again it gets ugly because Logan is determined to pull his not friend out of his delusion

After Logan cuts the girl to demonstrate how unreal she is, you tell him to let it go because you can see William is still holding on to that belief and it kinda freaks you out

You don't see Logan for a while after you return from Westworld

You are invited to the party where William gets the company and all the credit for his insight into the deal about Westworld

It pisses you off and you look for Logan but he is not at the party

When you find him he is in a really low place, he's drunk and taking drugs and he is so out of it you are pretty sure he doesn't know where is he

You take him home and wait until he sobers up

Do you know what I hate about you the most?

Fuck, why don't you kick into the man when is on the ground?

I hate that you have everything you need to be what I know you dream to be and you still waste your life like this.

You reach out to take the glass of whiskey from him and he gives it to you with a teary-eyed look that breaks your heart

He sleeps in your bed that night and stays with you for a while

You help him stay sober

and help plan how to take back his father's company, you are both ruthless businessmen after all and it's kind of fun

When he gets what he wants it doesn't feel like a victory though

And it takes a while for him to realise he doesn't want any of it but he's not gonna throw away what you both worked hard for

That's the thought that breaks the news for him that he wants you, not for a night, or for a few occasions but for as long as you'd put up with him

For the first time in his life, he doesn't know how to approach someone he is interested in

He figures he will go the safe route and involve you in business

Late nights and business dinners, lunch and even breakfast meetings involved where you talk work about less and less

It's you who make the first move

After a long night you spend at his office you invite him for a drink when he takes you home

He sleeps in your bed like that first time you took him in

Logan wakes up before you and gently caresses your cheek to wake you up

Thank you. When he sees your confused expression he elaborates. For not giving up on me.

You don't answer, you just kiss him.

He is frozen and you panic but it only takes a few more moments for him to register what happened and he pulls you back to another kiss.

It's surprisingly gentle, just like the rest of the morning when he explores you and slowly makes love to you.

Neither of you acknowledges in words what happened or that you are in a relationship. It's an unspoken rule to leave it all unspoken.

Behind your confident facade, you are both insecure and this all feels too fragile. You are both afraid to ruin it.

The fear fades away but after that, you don't need to put your feelings into words or give your relationship a label.

You become so intuned to the other that it feels unnecessary.

It's not after a long time when you say out loud that you love him and it's not a romantic confession either.

He tries to make amends with his father but he gets home really broken and refuses to speak about it. You let him finish his drink, then you take the glass from him and settle in his lap.

Enveloping his face in your palms you wordlessly ask for his attention.

Whatever he said he is wrong. Logan argues that you don't know how the conversation went but you say you have a pretty good idea.

Fuck him. You don't need him. If he can't see how much you are worth and how you've grown then he is not worth a single second of your time. I know it's not the same as having a family but I love you and I'm here for you.

You don't even realise you've said it and his gaze darts to yours with an unreadable expression so you panic again like the first time you kissed him but he silences your doubts with the most passionate and desperate kiss you ever shared.

I love you. Logan says when he pulls away. You are my family now.

Dating Caspian

Whether it's love at first sight or an engagement alliance he would treat you the same, with kindness and respect.

Caspian would try to get to know you first so don't expect more than a kiss on your hand for a while.

He would compliment you but couldn't take one without blushing which you find amusing.

After losing your (nonexistent) patience you would be the one to kiss him first to see his reaction.

First, just on his cheek as a goodbye and you glance back at him to see the blush, the stunned look and the cute smile as he touches the spot your lips met his skin.

Then you get bold and steal a kiss, it's really just a peck on his lips but it changes things. He leans in and captures you in a less appropriate kiss that leaves you breathless and blushing.

You are there for him when he has a difficult day and spend most of your free time with him.

You ask him to teach you how to fight and take you with him on his adventures. He is hesitant but you prove to be a quick study and quick on your feet in dangerous situations.

Caspian finds you in the library or the gardens each day and lays his head in your lap to enjoy your calming presence as you let him rest and brush his hair until he falls asleep.

You often stay like that for hours, not minding anything as long as you can be with him.

After one of these sessions extends into late at night he insists on escorting you to your room. As you kiss goodbye it gets more heated and you both get carried away.

That is the first time you get more intimate than an unmarried couple should.

He sneaks out of your room each night and you both yearn for the secrecy to be unnecessary but you try not to get your mood down.

If you are not of his world then he dreads the moment you have to say goodbye but you are determined to enjoy every moment you can while you are still there.

If he is about to lose you he is ready to fight even Aslan to be able to be with you. Given the choice, you abandon everything you know and stay with him in Narnia.

He marries you after a few months of knowing you.

You do your best to learn everything a queen should know and you are always by his side if he needs you.

Not once in your many years of marriage do you regret choosing to be with him. There are hard times but you are always there for the other so nothing ever seems hopeless.

Narnia lived its Golden Age under your rule and your love became a legend, the kind that every girl dreams about where you find your soulmate and live happily after with the love of your life.

Dating Sirius Black

Pretty boy is a mischievous womanizer so to get his attention and turn it into something permanent requires the 'no factor' again

Maybe you are Slytherin and he just hates you in principal, maybe you are a forbidden fruit as one of his friend's sibling or you are just shy and can't deal with his flirty nature at all.

Whatever 'the problem' is, it just screams no to him which results in Sirius doing anything but backing down

Despite being really smart he is somewhat a dumbass when it comes to relationships

He does all the wrong things, says some stupid things that he wishes he could take back.

The enemies to lovers situation get really nasty before feelings are revealed

After a failed attempt to charm you, he goes to sulk in some secluded location and you happen to stumble upon him. After an awkward moment of silence, you ask why he keeps pestering you and it just slips out without thinking: Because I'm in love with you

You are shocked, to say the least. He takes advantage of your frozen state and struts all the way to you, cups your cheeks and practically begs you to say something

Not able to find the words, you just pull him down by his collar and smash a kiss on those perfect lips of his.

You make out for long minutes then he pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. Be mine? - he asks.

I'm already yours. You answer easily before you go on to continue where you left off and you can feel him grin into the kiss.

Dating Sirius is a roller coaster.

His friends find it hilarious that you can make Siri blush, they soon get you involved in their jokes and you are almost one of the boys

He gets you involved in some of his tricks. You argue over his bullying Snape and you are terrified for him when you find out what he does on the nights of the full moon.

If you want to become an animagus he'll try to help you but he also keeps teasing you whenever he can throughout the process

Doesn't matter what you turn into, there will be jokes about it.

You study together but he doesn't really need it and after a few times when he gets annoying because he is bored you make your own little corner of a world with Undetectable Extension Charm

He's the one to suggest making the Marauder's Map because he is annoyed that he cannot find your hiding place.

It takes a while to figure it out even with the map

It's not often that you let him in there but you share the Room of Requirement more often after that

You break up every so often but it usually doesn't last long before you are back together like nothing happened.

The only time your relationship is in real trouble is when you insist that he should talk to someone about how his parents treat him. He knows you want the best for him but it is a sensitive subject so this time the argument and the breakup lasts longer.

He really hurts you when you see him with someone else and he knows it but for some reason he wants to hurt you because he is hurt, his friends can't take that either and pull an intervention where (after a lot of yelling and a short fistfight) Sirius tells them what's going on.

That's just before the summer he moves in with the Potters.

He writes to you every day. The distance and the honest conversation helps but you are still wary, it's not until you meet again that it gets resolved.

When you go back to school and come face-to-face with him, it's like nothing matters anymore. You jump into his arms and shush him when he apologizes again and again.

Your relationship is not perfect, you still argue but it's nothing serious. You love each other and made a pact to never part in anger so even when things get heated and you don't have time to discuss it, the last words you say to the other before you go on your separate ways are that I love you.

• Billy Russo masterlist • Main Masterlist • Moodboards masterlist •

Visual development for Atlantis: The Lost Empire by Marcelo Vignali

🥚 EGGSHELLS SET 🥚

→ DESCRIPTION : A fancy period inspired graphics set made with a companion coloring PSD that’s included in the original file. This is a great little aesthetic set for any kind of royalty based aesthetic themes. Knowledge of clipping mask is required. Plenty of adjustable files for the pack.  THIS IS APREMIUM PACK.

Font: Swis721 BlkOul BT,  Beckett, Bodoni 72

PSD coloring included

Images do not belong to me and are credited to their rightful owners

Do not copy, do not steal, give credit where deserved.

Perhaps buy me a coffee for continuous support  ♥

Please like/reblog this if you intend to use.

CLICK SOURCE LINK FOR ACCESS

NIGHT CHILD – coloring #004 by goldencoloring. • before/after • plagiarism is a crime. think before you act. • reposting is not allowed, nor editing for reposting, as well as putting my psd in packs. • you can see all my psds in this page. • download: like or reblog this post + follow me + ask for the link. be gentle.

What do you look for sexually in a partner?

I look for togetherness. I look for that nervous glance downwards when you’re not quite sure but you’re keen to discover. That passion in your eyes when you look back up and there’s something between us. The quickness of breath when we both start to feel it. That squeeze of my hand that tells me you’re in this wherever it goes. That strong exhale that says you’re in this moment. The kiss that lingers and means something deeper. That bite back that tells me you’re not afraid. The leg squeeze that draws me into you. The press forward that tells me you want me. Your fingers through my hair that says I mean something to you. Our embrace when it’s over, telling each other that’s not just it.

Do you think a soulmate is out there for everyone? If so, do you think the universe will bring them together regardless of the situation they’re in?

I think we put ourselves in the path of our own opportunity. It doesn’t matter whether someone is out there for us, or whether we’re fatefully bound to meet that person. Maybe we are, probably we’re not.

What matters is that we believe in ourselves enough to make our potential possible. That we’re brave enough to open up the possibility of our best possible life, even though it means we step outside of our comfort zone.

It means we talk to people, we’re honest about things that embarrass us, we look for what we love in others, and that we reach for a higher standard.

If we wait for magic to happen, we’ll leave this world wondering why it didn’t. But if we step out and create the person we want to be and live life as we wish, we’ll attract the life that meets our level of being.

On this day 1590, Matthew and Diana are wed.

It’s fitting that they marry on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8), a Catholic feast day celebrating the conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s soul, free of original sin. In short, Mary had special attributes that allowed her to give birth to a child that would change the world - not unlike Matthew and Diana and their ability to conceive and give birth to Bright Born children who will change the world.

“Like sun and moon, we were unconcerned at this moment with time, distance, and difference. All that mattered was our position relative to each other.” - Shadow of Night

Illustration origin unknown (if anyone knows, we’d love to credit the source!)

The picture of the Alchemical Wedding in Ashmole 782 was a turning point for Matthew and Diana in A Discovery of Witches, and a huge turning point for the readers as well! 🌙🌞 You are probably wondering what this picture is. Beautiful, isn’t it? This is a painting titled “The Alchemical Marriage” by Emily Balivet. You probably have seen this image floating around in different places without knowing the origin. We wanted to take the time to recognize the artist behind this image. A few years ago, we contacted Emily because we really wanted to use her image for our own purposes. 👉🏽 Find out more about Emily, this rendition, her other work, and our request here: http://www.daemonsdomain.com/2016/10/the-alchemical-marriage-by-emily-balivet.html 🌙🌞 #ADiscoveryofWitches #AllSoulsTrilogy #DeborahHarkness #alchemy #alchemicalmarriage #alchemicalwedding #sunking #moonqueen #ashmole782 #matthewclairmont #dianabishop

Title: Gem and the Hunters: The Treasure of Babylon Author: asphodelknox Artist: neon–diamonds

Louis Tomlinson wished for one thing his whole life: to find the ancient city of Babylon. After one failed attempt, he swore to never again attempt a search for the city. His friend, Niall Horan never pushed the issue, but when his family finds themselves in trouble, Niall’s only option is to convince Louis to try and find Babylon again.

Niall enlists the help of two famous treasure hunters: Harry and Gemma Styles and their friend Liam Payne. Harry and Gemma love ancient cultures as much as Louis and would give anything to find Babylon. Liam is just along for the ride, running from a shade in his past.

The five embark on the adventure of a lifetime… and find much more than any of them bargained for.

For the @1dreversebang.

at this point tumblr is just for talking to yourself

Te volví a escribir,  pero al no recibir  respuesta alguna.

Supe que era necesario  dejar de insistir. 

Gregdz

Cierra los ojos, pide un deseo y rebloguea esto.

No olvides desearlo con todas tus fuerzas. Todo con fé es posible.

Porfavor Dios que se cumpla..

Realmente lo necesito :c

(yn) ♥

REBLOG y se cumplen tus deseos.

Glen Keane’s storyboard drawings for Tarzan

lover songs as pages in a diary 💘

part 1 / part 2

@taylorswift @taylornation

You’re still the one I love.

+

Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet 

Vampire siblings, Harry and Gemma.

Dinner.

me: *wailing dramatically while wandering the halls of my dark mansion in a long black chiffon dressing gown with a black feather trim that trails behind me about a foot over a simple and elegant black silk slip dress, holding a fully lit candelabra and leaving a trail of wax drippings on my hardwood floors*

my spouse: *turns on the hall light* we fucking talked about this

The life of vampire siblings inspired by this post.

I can imagine spending an eternity living with your brother can come with some challenges.