He's Not Going To Escape, What If It Makes The Babies Cry?!? He Couldn't Do That

He has no idea what to do, because he's not trans, but also that's so sweet?!?? And like?!? His goons are the best

Random goon: Hey boss, were you the one to pick that name as an alias? And why this one?

Red Hood : I used to have another name, before... A long time ago. But that person is dead now. I get to choose for myself now, they can't take that from me. I won't let them.

Goon: Huh.

***

Random Goon: Say boss, why do you never take off your shirt in front of us?

Red Hood: Well uh, I actually have that really fucked scar on my chest and I'm not comfortable with...

Random Goon: Don't worry boss, we get it, you don't have to explain yourself to us.

***

Red Hood, high on some toxin: God, I wish my family...

Random Goon (on boss-sitting duty): why not try reaching out to them?

Red Hood: They would never accept me as I am now... They wouldn't agree with my so-called "life choices". Besides, they don't miss me, they miss the person they think I used to be... I wasn't even a man when I last saw them.

Random Goon: Damn boss, that sucks.

***

And then the goons throw the Red Hood a party on trans visibility day and Jason is so confused he straight up cries.

Well. It was simple really, this is her baby.

He squirmed in the air as she grabbed him, babbling sounds, some of which were normal, others which were made of overlapping emotions.

She needed to find out what kind of baby he was, as humans didn't change colour and speak in emotions, but that would be explained later. Right now she had a family to introduce her baby to.

Mama Bat

There was a baby in the Batcave.

There was a baby in the Batcave.

There was a glowing, white haired, Lazarus green eyed baby floating in the freaking Batcave!

A baby that was currently wearing a superhero themed footy pajamas and making tiny circles in the air as they coo and make spit bubbles.

A baby Cass had found while on patrol... in Hong Kong before suddenly and somehow appearing in Gotham. In the Batcave.

Along with them, sitting innocently on the batcomputer chair was a baby bag (themed after Black Bat somehow) full of everything a baby needed a glowing green sticky note with purple handwriting on it.

'Cassandra Cain-Wayne

Take care of our little Ghostling. Everything will make sense in due time.

P.S Daniel enjoys the stars.

-CW'

By the time Bruce finished reading the note aloud, Cass had manged to get a hold of the baby who was making happy noises and patting her cheek.

And a second later a blinding light overtook the baby and once the light was gone, the baby now had black hair and bright blue eyes.

Someone has to have written this right? You can't just leave us like that

Danny is a sewer monster. He is a little snakey fella.

The Bats catch word of a creature in the sewers that not even Grundy or Killer Croc want to tussle with.

This is how Jason ends up treking through the sewers looking for whatever stole his favorite jacket. He stumbles across a nest(?) that has an odd glowing rock in the middle. He found his jacket though...wrapped around the rock.

Danny finds Red Hood in his nest, the guy isn't hurting Ellie so he seems all right.

Now the Bats are panicking because Jason's gone missing.

Jason is not complaining.

Alfred deserves to be a magical girl

Halloween prompts no. 7

Danny, after the portals blew due to him doing something incredibly dangerous and stupid, landing him in the dc universe. More specifically, Gotham.

Tim might have jumped about a foot in the air when that bright light came crashing down into the alley next to him. He might be super smart and independent for his age, but he was still a very curious eight year old wandering Gotham alone at night. He crept into the alley to peek at the glowing boy groaning in the fresh crater. Tim was surprised by the boys age, he looked about the same age as himself if not a bit younger (he's a year younger) and Tim was amazed he was a hero, he didn't think they started that young.

After coming to, Phantom introduced himself to Tim and was very excited to meet and potentially befriend a human who wasn't afraid of him. Phantom convinces Tim to become vigilantes (though Tim insisted on masks) with him and learns that he can bestow some of his power to other people through jewelry. Cujo appears somewhere along the way and Jason gets added to the group after he saw them transform and wanted in.

Batman nearly has a stroke because he thinks he may have caused this by letting Dick be Robin and influencing the kids. When he asked if they were metas or aliens Phantom opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by Tim's alias blurting out, "Magical girls!" Because he was terrified Batman might try to exorcize Phantom or something.

This leads to the hilarious scenario where batman is doing research on "magical girls" and wondering why none of the three are-if fact-girls.

This is an unholy fusion between super frilly magical girls and Power Rangers so have fun.

This is so good! Sam is going to have great fun weirding them out and will figure out their identities in two days tops

DCxDP: Amity Park aka uncanny Valley

Who ever thought that a family road trip across the country was ever a good idea? Especially when the family concerned is the Waynes!

...plus a Brown but you can't really talk Waynes without including Stephanie Brown

Bruce had a gala to attend in Chicago during the summer vacation Dick jumped at the opportunity to do a family road trip and try his newest car/van

was putting a Damian Wayne in an enclosed space with a Tim Drake a good idea? No. Was Dick going to argue with Bruce at least thrice a day? Maybe Will Jason be even remotely happy to be part of this trip? Probably not and will all the kids fight to choose who is in charge of the radio? Most definitely, but it'll be fun!

At first everything was awful,Bruce made them wake up terribly early, for once that Tim had slept that night! (albeit for only three hours which was plenty if you asked him) to leave even before the sun was up

Then it became alright, the eight seat car was spacy enough to not get into each other's personal space, everyone started to sing along to music and exchanging playlists

Dick had an awful amount of dico and 80's music, Bruce played his dad rock while Steph and Jason talked white girl music

They started their trip by going through Pennsylvania, taking pictures and joking on how Batman should be a local super hero there instead than in new Jersey,then they headed for Washington DC, it was fun visiting the hall of justice as tourist even tho they all knew the place better than the guides,then they went through Kentucky where Dick really wanted to visit the 'longest cave in the world' and comparing it to the bat cave (Bruce was unimpressed)

And finally they'll drive right through Illinois to get Bruce to Chicago and escape before he tries to get them to join the Gala

And then the car broke down in the middle of nowhere.

The sun would set soon but it was still really hot as we were in early August.

"the GPS say the closest city is a fourty five minutes walk" Annonce Duke while Dick,Tim and Bruce tried to find what's wrong with the car

"We could easily do the journey" Damian says placing a draw two making Steph, too invested in this game of uno with Cass and the demon brat frown

"in this heat!? Do you want us to die of a stroke?" The blond replied placing a plus two as well

"It looks like it's our only choice guys...the car won't start anytime soon better get to a town and buy some new parts" The eldest said from the front of the car

"can't we just call a cab or something?"

Asked Stephanie

"privileged behavior" Duke replied back to back "plus I don't think there's cabs in bumfuck nowhere...I ain't never even heard of 'Amity Park', plus, if they did they wouldn't have eight seat"

"wait Amity Park?" Asked Tim who was swiping grease on a now ruined travel towel "I have family who lives there..." He said thoughtfully

"maybe you can ask them if they have a place to stay for the night? There's only cheap motels in this town and I don't really wanna catch bed bugs" Duke says still on his phone

"oh wow now look who has privileged behavior!" Stephanie snort a smirk on her lips as she add a plus four to Cass's

"uhm can we go back to the part of Tim having living family members? That own a house? Why would you make up one if you had family in the state?" Dick ask "and why do you live with us?" Added Damian because, of course he would

"well... it's not like we talked a lot, I saw them...maybe two times in my life? And they were definitely my parents type of neglectful so going to them wouldn't have changed much"

"...do they also have a kid?" Bruce ask and before he got the chance to talk more he got shut down with a "no you can't adopt more kids!" From all his children

"but yes they do have a kid, we got along great from what I remember...but except sparkly pink dress I don't remember much..." Tim clarified

"I vote we still ask them for a place to stay or at least a ride, if they're Drake's family they should at least have a limousine or mansion no?" Steph asked eager to find a good bed once more

"I don't know...I haven't talked to them much... especially not after my mother's passing...I don't even know if I still have their number" Tim think his voice a little lower, he did think about his mother's sister and her family when he was still living alone in the Drake mansion but thinking back on the blurry memories of being forgotten for hours on end with his cousin didn't really make him want to reach out

"it's okay if you don't want to Timothy, we can find another way" Bruce says in his paternal voice placing a reassuring hand on Tim's shoulder

"no,no it's okay, a call won't hurt right?"

Tim looked through his phone and he, in fact, did have his cousin's number saved, he stepped away from the car to make the call. He was a bit nervous and a bit ashamed, he had a cousin his age that lived in similar conditions as him and he never thought to check up or call,and now that he did it was for a favour, they hadn't talked in over ten years and he couldn't really remember what they were like, hopefully they hadn't grown up like their parents as a stuck up asshole

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Samantha Manson wasn't a family person,

She didn't care for them,they didn't care for her.

She labeled all her extended family members under "family" as contact names and usually wouldn't pick up when they'd call, not that they did regularly

Yet,she was in a good mood today so when her phone light up and her ringtone rung she picked up

"uhm Hi Sam...antha?... it's Tim- Timothy drake?Wayne? I uhm- our moms are sisters?"

Was the anxious voice that waited for her on the other side of the phone

Huh...

Huh.... Timothy ? Oh fuck Timothy ! Was she a bad cousin to have forgotten one of the only kids her age that she got along with in her family?

Well got along is a big word they just stuck around each other the two times their families were attending the same galla but it was fun for once...if she remembered correctly

It was still a time where he mother was the one dressing her up in those awful sparkly or floral dresses with cutesy hairdo...a goth's nightmare Sam got shivers just thinking back on it

"Yes I remember you Tim Drake...what can I do to help?"

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"okay so, my cousin say she can come pick us up as long as we don't care for basic road safety?"

Tim said coming back to his family who had all migrated to sit at a picnic table near the car

Jason Dick and Damian who had left for a gas station a few minutes ago to grab some snacks and see if they had anything to fix the car came back at the same time dropping bags of chips, candy and other bar chocolate

The comment about road safety made Bruce frown (hypocrite) but all the other kids could not care less

"so...we're not getting picked up by a limousine? Or is it more of a bus bar type of thing?"

Stephanie ask resulting on her head being bonked by Dick

"no the real question is what's your cousin like?"

"I am not spending a car ride with a snobbyer version of Tim"

Jason added making Damian nod in agreement and Tim roll his eyes

"To be honest, I don't remember much? She didn't sound snobby on the phone?"

Tim guess trying to make a mental image of what Samantha may look now, she probably let her dark chocolate brown hair grow? Or maybe she cut them? Would she still wear floral prints and sparkles? Probably not she hated them as a kid

"and how are her parents?"

Bruce inquired not without warning glares from his kids

"I remember even less! But Sam said they weren't home so..."

"hn"

Bruce narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything

"really all I remember about them is the fakest laugh and sparkly pink dresses"

Tim sighed

"sparkly pink dress? Are you trying to kill my rep?"

A new voice joined in the conversation making everyone at the table jump save from cass who had noticed the presence long ago

All but turned to see this goth girl wearing an all black dress with at least three layers of clothes and even more in accessoires

She smiled at them with teeth a little too sharp for comfort

"hi I'm Samantha Manson, but please call me sam! I hope you won't mind but my car might me a little cramped"

She said in a friendly voice beeping her car key bringing her car, a hearse, back to life radio blasting the latest song she was listening to and making her headlights bath them in light really tieing the whole spooky vibes together

Yeah...the kids are gonna like this girl.

Friend shaped

pigeon friends :)

Dick breaks his arm doing something stupid and Alfred's patching him up

Robin!dick: have you seen this before?

Alfred: the stupidity of man is entirely unoriginal, of course I've treated this before

And then in the future, dick trying to comfort a scared kid

Kid: have you seen this happen before?

EMT!dick: of course I have, the stupidity of man is entirely unoriginal

i love the emt dick grayson headcanon and i think it's so much more apt than the cop plotline for a lot of reasons but i'm also obsessed with the fact that in this scenario, injured bludhaven residents scared that they're dying are being treated by a guy whose examples for medical bedside manner are "detached englishman" and "bruce wayne under psychological stress"

One of Damian's siblings has a crush on Danny, and since Danny's parents are crazy it's up to Damian to defend his honour.

Danny thinks it's adorable that this baby ghost likes him so much he's ready to stab someone for him

Dcxdp prompt where Bruce Wayne approaches the Fentons not because of their ghost hunting or even because of Phantom the hero but because Damian is a big fan of Danny for his work in the conservation of the purple back gorilla.

So now Danny is going to the birthday for this random kid (I think this works better when Damian is younger than Danny) where he teaches him gorilla sign language so he can talk to the purple back gorilla as well. (Also can we talk about how Danny learned a gorilla's sign language well enough to ask for her help to fight a ghost and he has such immaculate vibes that this wild animal doesn't mind him getting close to her.)

Also I think it would be funny if Danny became an advocate for endangered species (cause he is one lol).

Excellent work, go give it a read, link is in the comments

the batfamily getting pulled over and Alfred telling the officer that there’s guns in the car and Jason immediately thinking everyone is narc-ing on him instead of Alfred just being strapped (legally) to high and holy heaven is still SO funny to me (and it’s my fic lmao)

I think it's extra funny if you consider that during his time on the streets he almost certainly would have seen/heard people having sex, or talking to the sex workers in the alley, so he knows what sex is, he just never put two and two together.

"that's stupid, people have sex all the fucking time without having kids"

"that's,,, that's because they use birth control or condoms or whatever,,,"

Jason died pretty young, right? And it's not like he had a great education before that- and we all know Bruce is too awkward to give Jason any kinda talk so it's most likely he still doesn't know where babies come from.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Here is your other brother, Damian

Jason: Wow another one Brucie? the baby-storks must really like you huh?

Jason: why are you all looking at me like that