Haven’t been able to fall asleep and the amount of work I need to get done feels too much right now. Feels like I’m probably gonna fail, which makes me feel like shit. But even if I do fail
I could always retake the course. I just don’t want to disappoint people. So what happened was I was taking three courses this semester and prioritized one over the other two causing me to fall behind in both. Now it’s finals week and ima till so fucking behind. So I don’t know if I’ll pass them. And I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t. I’ve almost caught up in one of them but still. Feels like I should just cut my losses and focus on which one I’m more likely to pass. But I want to try. And by trying to do both I might just shoot myself in the foot doing this.
But what if I succeed? What if I fail? If I succeed I’d most likely get a c, if I’m lucky a b. If I fail I could retake the course. Don’t know if I’d still qualify for financial assistance though if I fail these two. I mean I’m not on a scholarship so it’s not that big of a deal I suppose but still. You know I never planned to go to college. Like when I was in school it was expected of me. But school really fucked me up. Had to get As all the time that I’d breakdown over get a b or just a fucking 90%. It wouldn’t matter which assignment, or how many points it was. I would stress over everything. Then I failed a few classes (there were extenuating circumstances that added to this), but it was so freeing. I redid the courses over summer and just felt so alive. The world didn’t implode and I was still alive. It had a lot less impact than I expected. I mean I was still pressured to get good grades but it didn’t hurt as much. Now though getting an A doesn’t feel like an achievement or something that I accomplished, it still just feels like an expectation. So it still hurts when I fail to meet it. And so I decided after graduating that there was no way in hell id go to college. But then I took a single course and honestly enjoyed it. It does help that I qualified for some financial things that cover me for a few years (which really was the deciding factor, it only lasts a set amount of years for me so if I don’t take courses now the money assistance would expire so gotta use it while I can). But old mindsets keep creeping back in. Lack of faith in myself, what could very well be executive dysfunction, mental health issues, just piled up again this semester. Keep thinking I overcame it that I’m doing better and it all comes crashing back. It’s hard. And I don’t know how to tell people that. I just accept my actions as they are and continue on. And I fucked up a lot this semester. But I also did try. There’s also the fact that I get sick when I stress out now. Started happening junior year of high school. On the very last day of school I puked due to stress. Ended up not going cause I couldn’t tell if I was sick or not. Since then whenever I stress out or overthink I puke. I’ve gotten better at managing it but I also have started to get nauseous when anxious so I need to do something. I’ve been meaning to meditate consistently but it’s the consistent part I’m having trouble with. Though I do think it would help. So I guess I’m just worried. And I still have all the work I need to do. I know I’m gonna try but if I fail anyway it’s gonna hurt so much. But I’ll be prepared for next time. No matter the outcome I’ll be prepared for next time. Okay, yeah. I’ll be okay. Sorry just needed to vent. Needed a moment to breathe.
Two worlds - I’ve definitely started watching this drama before but I don’t remember what happens in it. Eh may as well try watching it now. Honestly I’m just trying to figure out when I watched this before now. Eh who knows, I’ve watched a lot of dramas. Well at least this will keep a record of them. Anywho, show intro. Ahem: There is a tale that when the pond shines blue one will reunite with the deceased. An artist and childhood friend reunite after years (?) apart. What is the relationship between them? Murder, betrayal, love, loss, what lies in store for the artist?
Tale of a Thousand Stars - I watched this a couple years ago. I enjoyed it. There’s one iffy plot line with medical inaccuracy (weird soul connection that’s confusing and unnecessary in my opinion). Other than that I enjoyed it and the storyline.
2gether the Series - I watched this a while ago and can’t remember enough of the beginning to give an overview. Takes place in university and is a romance show. Well that’s all I can think of at the moment. I’ll make a more organized list of shows with summaries later, these are just my rambled summaries at the moment.
Because of you - Seems fun so far. Three brothers are heirs of the Yuan company. Same father, different mothers, the three care for each other in their own way. Through all their bickering, they are brothers. Rumors of another Yuan son in existence, what will these brothers do? (Just a short and sweet romance. I expected more of a plot with all the kidnappings and attacks but that is not the plot line of this show)
Manner of Death - It feels sad and I don’t feel like watching something sad so I don’t know what this one is about. If it has a good ending then maybe I’ll watch it but I don’t think it does. I’m just not in the mood for another bad ending. If this show is for you then enjoy!
Laws of Attraction - this one’s scare me. I know there’s going to be like a lot of manipulation, secrets, and plotting so I’m just uh not prepared for that at the moment. I can’t write an overview on it since I haven’t seen it yet so uh, good luck and have fun!
To Sir, With Love - the reason I know about Laws of Attraction is because I watched this one. Woo! The characters are very different. Anyway, hmm. I can’t think of a good overview at the moment but I’ll probably be back to write one. Super cute, I highly enjoyed it and I love the brother. There’s drama, mystery, romance, and bad*ss characters. There’s one plot line that’s dragged out for a while and once you think you can’t hold on anymore it gets revealed. So stay strong, it’s worth it. The setting is in an older time period during a war or invasion (sorry I don’t remember correctly. I believe it was Japanese occupation? I’m not good at history but I’m fairly sure that was the premise of the story). Anywho, two brothers born from different mothers grow up as heirs to a company (I can’t remember specifics, I’m sorry). Meant to be rivals, they bond and care for each other as amazing siblings. They are super supportive. With war on the horizon and hidden plots going around, what will become of these brothers? Who is this mystery woman? Is that an assassin? Oh dear…
The World Owes Me a First Love - Appears to be a cute romance. I’ll check it out later.
Long Time No See - A novel writing hitman wants to retire. Will he be able to leave this life behind?
Rebound - I love basketball man. I should really start playing again. Anyway, old friends reunite. A basketball club in flames. What will happen?
My Sweet Dear Korean bl - Chef versus Chef, what will become of the dueling cooks? (Honestly it’s a nice cute movie)
The Tasty Florida - movie. Cute so far. I’m halfway through this. Some drama was going down so I just needed a breather.
Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding - Cute short series. Nobleman Ryu gets married only to find out that his supposed to be wife is missing and her brother took her place. Watch as they work together to find out what happened to the supposed-to-be-wife and keep their cover from being blown.
At 2500 in Akasaka - Old university classmates reunite after receiving the leading roles of a bl film. As co-leads these two will need to learn how to work together. Will they support each other? What happened in the past? (Honestly I’m only two episodes into this one at the moment, I hope the intro was a good enough overview).
Why r u - there’s a Korean version and a Thai version. I’ve seen some of both of them, they seem good so far. Both take place in university but the Korean one focuses on acting and production whereas the Thai one doesn’t. I like both. They’re fun. Hatred spewing between the two, a rivalry arose as one’s romantic interest was seeing both of them. While disliking each other, the main character’s sister is having the time of her life writing a bl novel taking inspiration from her surroundings. Unfortunately for our main character, that includes him. After making a bet with his sister, main character is now afraid that the novel is coming to life. What will the mc do now? Ah I finished one version, it was super cute. I loved the ending.
Me every time I send an ask
Should I do this? Should it be anonymous? What if I’m bothering them? Did I word it right? I should delete it, right? Mmm but I want to ask. (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥`)
Reblog if your blog is boopable-safe so you can get all the (probably new) achievements. I don’t care about notes I just want boops
Do you ever just, take off your glasses for the effect? I mean I can’t see shit but sometimes you gotta wonder if you’re actually seeing this shit or your glasses are playing tricks on you. I just like the emphasis. I find it fun.
Ah my mind is too much for me right now so let’s see, what should I ramble about? Ah I can’t think of anything at the moment so this is gonna be one of those existential crises posts. This will include topics that may trigger readers so please do not read if you think this will affect you. This is your final warning, please do not continue reading as this deals with mature topics and sad feelings.
Okay. Here I go. How do people live knowing they will one day die? It took me a while to fully understand that I wanted to live and now I’m scared of death. I really hope there is an afterlife. If there isn’t I guess the point of life is the experience itself. We’re all headed to the same place in the end. I guess one thing that helps is that I won’t be alone in facing it as this is something we all will face. I don’t know how to deal with this viewpoint. When I go out I just see the ending making it hard to enjoy the present. And I guess the ending scares me. But I shouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying myself. Life is beautiful. If there is nothing after the end that would honestly be a damn shame. Experience can be overloading, good, bad, it’s just a whole mess. But I love it, I love being able to feel, to connect, and be with other beings. So I guess I pray to whichever entity I believe in that they do exist. Cause I don’t want this to be the end.
Ah okay I guess this helped me get rid of some thoughts. Have a wonderful day/night.
I… have had an accident prone week. I just don’t get how I keep on managing to injure myself. Content warning, I talk about getting injured, mainly bruises. I have managed to injure myself every day this week. Monday I nicked/stabbed myself with wire cause of a project I was working on (I don’t even know how it happened, the opposite end somehow got me while I was cutting the piece. Like it’s not bad but I can’t use the finger cause it hurts to lift stuff. And it’s on my dominant hand TvT). The other day I banged up my knee on a desk. Whyyyy, I was just standing up. And now I’ve hit the back of my foot on a charger/cord. It’s already bruising. I… it’s just become Wednesday. TvT. What’s gonna happen today 🫠
The Day I Loved You - Filipino bl. This show slays, especially Nikko. He’s awesome. I see a lot of people saying it has Heartstopper vibes. I do see some semblance in the art styles and special effects. It’s really cute so far and the characters are fun. School delinquent gets caught committing vandalism and is punished. What does he have to do? Community service and join the dance troupe. School president and leader of the dance troupe, Nikko has to teach the school delinquent to dance. Honestly it’s just really fun so far.
Old-fashioned Cupcake - Cute romance story. Two office workers hang out and have fun. Visiting dessert shops and enjoying life. Just a cute story.
Make a Wish (2023) - An Angel and a doctor who sees ghosts. A goofy and fun story so far. Mystery, drama, comedy, what conspiracies will these two unveil?
Triage - A doctor stuck in a time loop. Forced to find a way to save a young man from death’s clutches, watch as this doctor stumbles his way through each loop. With an Angel by his side to keep him on track and no way of escape, what will this doctor do?
Memory in the Letter - On the night a comet passed by an event linking two worlds together occurred. Now with a mirror showing another world, how will these two new kinda roommates handle life?
A Secretly Love - MC has had an ongoing crush for 7 years. Having already confessed, he is fine knowing that his crush is happy. Now going to the same university, mc has unfortunate run ins with his oblivious crush.
My Secret Love - School pranksters and club presidents are forced to work together. The chancellor is definitely abusing her authority. Has similar vibes to bad buddy with the neighbor situation. It’s cute but the chancellor is definitely evil. What she’s doing is wrong on so many levels, otherwise enjoy.
My Precious (2024) -
Tokyo Tower (2024) - Seems like a cute romance story.
Takara no Vidro -
Vanishing My First Love / My Love Mix-Up (Kieta Hatsukoi) - Super cute Highschool romance.
Psych-hunter - Amnesiac Jiang Shuo gets entangled in a web of murders. Caught in a game where lives are on the line, what can he do? Qing Yi Heng, a psychologist, and (I haven’t found her name yet), a cop, have their own agendas/motives for getting involved. Now working together, will they be able to solve these crimes and save everyone? Will they be able to survive?
Killer and Healer - A doctor and officer begrudgingly work together to solve crimes. I enjoyed this show however there are two endings to this show. One good, one bad. Choose whichever one you want, I vote the good ending is the real ending. Cause that’s what these characters deserve. They deserve happiness.
The Golden Eyes - A pawn shop owner gets super eyes? That is a horrible description, I can do better. Just uh give me a moment. I need to research this show a bit more.
Celestial Authority Academy -
Blacklist - Blackmail, manipulation, murder. Bloodthirsty and dangerous, how will these students survive the hell they’ve been put into. Is it all orchestrated? Who started this? A game they all have to play, who will survive to the end? (Take this overview with a grain of salt. I remember almost nothing from this show)
My roommate is a fairy fox -
Remember my boy -
Queer Beauty -
Love is more than a word -
The most beautiful place is my place -
Theory of Love - Ah unrequited love. Best friends and roomates. One has been in love with the other for years while the other is a playboy. Drama, friendship, betrayal. How will this story go down?
Tohon Chocolate - I’m not a fan of the main romance. The main romantic interest is homophobic and a jealous douchebag most of the time. He may change, it’s just my current understanding of the show storyline. I like the side characters such as the roommates and rich guy (he needs to learn to take no for an answer but otherwise he’s not that bad). Childhood friends reunite after years apart. One has had a crush on the other for years, what will happen now?
S.C.I. Mystery - I keep misreading the title as CSI but it’s not, brain please. I haven’t watched this one yet but from my current understanding it’s mystery and detective type stuff. Looks super cool. Special Crime Investigation Team. That’s what it stands for. Childhood rivals are forced to work together to solve crimes.
Crossfire - it’s about gamers and that’s all I really know. It has the same actor that’s in Tomb of the Sea (lost tomb series) which is how I found out about it. Looks fun.
Cherry Magic - ah, secondhand embarrassment. We meet again. Just a really nice and goofy show. The characters are super expressive and the romance is cute. I loved it.
Sweet Combat -
The Long Ballad -
Peach of Time - it’s sad… I don’t wanna deal with its sadness so I haven’t watched it fully.
You Light Up My Life Again - University setting. Roommates, music, and sports. Enemies to lovers is what it currently appears to be.
Although I Love You and You? - A restaurant owner falls for a salaryman. Bro has fallen hard. It’s a really cute watch so far.
Favoritism of the God - A student recently confessed to his crush only to trip into oncoming traffic. Unfortunately, truck-kun failed to isekai the mc. I’m not that far into this show so I’m not exactly certain what happens. Essentially, mc gets offered a deal by a god of a shrine he visited 100 times. What does he choose to do with this deal? Well he decides to become his crush’s ideal type. He believes that means becoming a girl. I don’t know how well this show will handle that but that’s the premise. I’m only on episode 2 at the moment. I don’t feel like continuing it at the moment but if you watch it let me know what you think please.
Nishiogikubo Mitsuboshi Youshudou - A chef recently quit his job, reunites with old classmates. A bar for everyone, come join these old friends as they take a break from life and live in the present. Will they find what they are looking for? (Honestly I’m loving this show. The same actor from cherry magic is in this one. It’s full of emotions and friendship. A nice comfy watch.)
A man who defied the world of bl - The theme song is super catchy. This is extraordinarily painful for me to watch. It’s goofy and comedic but I get really bad secondhand embarrassment. It’s full of cliches and silly tv show romantic scenarios. If this is what you’re looking for have fun! If not, no worries there’s plenty other shows out there for you to enjoy! What in the bl tropes is this? I’ve made it a bit of a ways into it and it’s mainly just a comedic goofy show. It’s extraordinarily hard for me to watch cause of secondhand embarrassment but it is a nice chill watch.
My personal weatherman - A broke mangaka is offered a place to live by his senior in university. Living expenses are fully covered as long as he does everything his senior tells him to. What exactly is their relationship?
Spring of crush/love in spring- Similar concept to Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding. A slave ran away and has to change his identity in order to not get caught. His father’s old friend makes a deal with him. He has to pretend to be his third daughter out of wedlock in order to survive. Unfortunately, the old friend’s wife is not a fan and after a year she sets up a wedding for the mc. How will mc survive? (I can’t find the next episode TvT I’ll have to continue watching this one later)
Oh! My Assistant - Fairly cute romance story. A manga artist that does X-rated works needs to hire an assistant.
Our dating sim - Old best friends reunite after one of them vanished the day they confessed their love. Now working in the same company, what will happen? (I’m on episode 6)
Love Tractor - A top of the class law student takes a break from the social expectations placed upon him. Now hiding away at his grandfathers farm, he gets roped into working for his grandfather. What will he learn from these friendly faces?
Fudanshi bartender - this is painful for me to watch, because again. Secondhand embarrassment is strong with this one. Okay I can’t handle the secondhand embarrassment from this show so I don’t know much about it. Have fun. A bartender who secretly likes bl and makes manga based on the interactions he sees at the bar.
Justice in the dark - the Abyss - Seems interesting so far. A strange event caused 1.3% of people to loose emotions. (Carole and Tuesday did something similar and addressed it well. There is a medical thing where this just is. It doesn’t make someone good or bad, it just is). However, society believes the rising crime rate to be because of this. Wanting to put into effect laws where people are forced to take a blood tests to see if they’re part of the 1.3%, society is in turmoil. Our main characters investigate the murders occurring and have to figure out who all is behind them.
Craving you - A chef and a singer work together as a business strategy to promote each other’s works. However, their pasts haunt them. Will they be able to find closure? Will they be able to move on?
After Sundown - movie. The trailer looked intriguing. Karma, fate, destiny. When one is destined to fall, his parents decide to tie his fate to another in order to save him. (I haven’t watched it yet. The trailer makes me think it will have a similar plot line to the Sign series.)
Love Mate - An office worker who doesn’t believe in love gets a new colleague who is determined to teach mc about love. Why? To be honest I’m still unsure as I’m only on the first couple episodes but if the assumption is correct, the new guy says he fell in love at first sight so uh let’s just go with that.
Make it right -
Twenty twenty - Twenty years old… what does one do now? Growing up is strange and figuring out what to do is difficult. Can they figure out what they want from life? (I’ve only watched a bit of episode 1)
Senpai, this can’t be love - well, that escalated quickly. Hmm I’m sensing secondhand embarrassment on the horizon… New socially awkward cgi worker ends up under the mentorship of a friendly experienced cgi worker. Extrovert vs introvert, will they be able to properly communicate? I’ve just started episode two and wow, I’m scared. It seems interesting though and I like the outro song so imma try to see if I can handle this show.
Ah this one is getting a bit long so I’ll end it here. Have a marvelous day/night!
I kept adding more stuff to this so I’ll post it as is. I’ll edit the missing overviews later. Have fun!
When my favorite character is just that one guy in the corner who only has like two scenes and can be spotted in the background every now and again.
Going onto [insert random streaming service] to finish watching a show I started… only to find its no longer there. Removed with no warning, and I now I’m left to grasp at straws. TvT
Alas, why. Oh well, time to search for it on other streaming services I hopefully have
-peacefully working on a project-
…
-giant black bug of unknown species-
…
-standing up to put my project together-
-bug leaps into the air making itself known and dives off the right side of the desk-
… I don’t have the mental capacity to handle the maybe fly or some other bug at this point in time.