pxtriotisms
Indie. Priv. APH America Roleplay. Loved by Jenna.
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Latest Posts by pxtriotisms
world's shittiest rp memes™: jerma985 cooking-themed sentence starters (from his cooking simulator streams)
intended for shitpost-y threads, but could be versatile. change pronouns/insert names/adjust phrasing as needed.
(grabs a pan directly out of the oven.) "OWOWOW, MY HANDS, OWW!!"
"okay, now what i want you to do is chug the avocado oil."
"they didn’t even know that half of that shit touched the ground."
"how much soup is soup?"
"wha- it cooks when i take it out?! how does it cook when it’s not in the pan?! that makes no sense!"
[sender's muse] tries to place a utensil down but manages to fling it clear across the room instead.
"i’m gonna deep-fry a propane tank."
"there's blood on the counter. ... and this dough looks really, really weird to me."
(cramming a bunch of metal utensils into a microwave.)
"i feel like that's the kind of shit we'll be eating when the apocalypse happens."
"i threw a cucumber and it exploded!"
"it looks like a... it looks like a dead bird."
(tries to empty a pot into the sink but manages to flip it completely upside down, spilling its contents all over the counter and floor.)
"i just singed my fucking eyebrows."
(tries to carefully pour food from a fryer onto a plate. 80% of the food ends up on the counter around the plate instead.)
(attempts to gently flip a cut of meat, but somehow manages to launch it out of the pan, into the air and onto a completely different part of the stove.) "... WHY?! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!"
"hopefully he doesn’t taste the glass."
[sender's muse] attempts to yell "YOU FUCKIN' DONKEY" like gordon ramsey, but they do the accent so badly they sound like shrek instead.
[sender's muse] accidentally throws an entire pizza out of the window.
"i’m realizing what i’m turning into. and i actually entered into, like, the experiment pretend-to-have-a-restaurant five-year-old thing."
an explosion goes off behind them. they turn to see the kitchen has caught fire. "... huh? did someone drop a fucking BOMB on us?!"
[sender's muse] starts pointing the business end of a blowtorch directly into their own eyes.
"i’ll put on the kitchen nightmares american OST."
"do not mix gas in the mixer. ... not now."
(tosses a pan in the air and breaks the ceiling fan COMPLETELY apart. all of the blades come off and the base falls to the floor.) "what. what?! scared the absolute hell outta me, i didn't know you could do that!"
(microwaves raw trout for 20 seconds, then immediately grabs a fork to dig in.)
(accidentally tosses a sponge into a pot of soup instead of the sink, then tries to surreptitiously fish it back out and pretend they didn’t.)
as [sender's muse] is walking to serve [receiver’s muse], the entire meal falls off the plate on the way there and they set a completely empty plate on the table like nothing is wrong.
(placing a porkchop directly onto the counter) "don’t let me forget this is here! ‘cause it’s cooked and it’s ready to eat!"
(tries putting something in the microwave, but it somehow flies out and across the room.) "okay, this is fucking broken."
"you wanna make prison wine?"
(laughing) "that looks like cat puke..."
(toting an extremely burnt pizza crust with a 5 inch tall pile of olives on it) "who ordered the caviar pizza?"
"it’s still good! ... no it’s not."
(spills two bowls of soup in a row just trying to carry them out of the kitchen.)
"it looks like someone bled on that pizza, doesn’t even look like sauce."
"i’m making floor soup."
(looks in the oven and immediately starts laughing.) "oh, shit."
(completely abandons the still-cooking food.) "aw, is that a bird? a bird just flew by."
(throws a pan full of raw steak across the room.)
(starts throwing cuts of meat out the window.)
(immediately after throwing a cut of meat out the window) "... did somebody just scream at me? i just caused a car accident!"
(scanning over the complete disaster in the kitchen like a cop at a crime scene) "okay, so very obviously, there was a struggle, right."
@jatkuleiba
i love my men pathetic, in need of therapy and with a long list of crimes
can’t wait until i have a wife so i can say “i love my wife” and introduce her to people by saying “i’d like you to meet my wife” and get out of boring social engagements by saying “i have to go home to my wife” and talk about her to anyone who will listen to me because she’s my wife and i adore her
(Original)
America: "When you get hungry on the road, this is the best solution!" (Himaruya)
Alfred spreading 2. spi.rit agenda and breaking things she’s living the best life
I care so much abt them
Frank Polson — Tremolo (acrylic on satin poly cotton canvas, 2019)
jatkuleiba:
“Goodness. ‘The World’s Largest’ things seem to be your trademark. I can’t wait to see them,” Eduard hummed, his smile peeking around the slice of pizza which even he couldn’t eat completely neatly. He reclined rather laxly, the top buttons of his button up opened and his his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was more than eager to make the switch to even more casual attire for their trip tomorrow.
“It’ll be perfect. We can find a spot with no one else in near vicinity, build a campfire, eat sweets and spend the night under the stars. And if it rains we can nest in your car, lay back, listen to a podcast or two…” Just imagining it all brought a wave of calmness over Eduard, and he sighed softly.
“I’m looking forward to it, armas. It’s rare to get so much time for just the two of us,” he said, bringing his arm over Alfred’s broad shoulders. He took the chance to plant a kiss over her cheek and to steal a bite of the pizza slice she was holding. It was easy to feel playful in such a relaxed atmosphere. “I’ve missed it. And you.”
“Oh.” Sweets, alone, time, relaxation, all struggled to grasp his attention once an arm lay on her shoulders. Alright, a little cozy, not something Alfred is completely used too, but they’re close! Just as Alfred normalized this behaviour a KISS spiraled any logic into another puzzle. A kiss among friends was not uncommon in certain cultures found in Europe, however, Eduard would be aware Alfred could barely express a ‘love you’ between friends here in America; the prudish style his people wore strong as ever. This made his heart skip a beat. Do something. Say something. Anything. Just take it and toss something back. All Alfred could muster as he gathered himself together was a flushed faced glance. “And--” he hesitated. Pull away or lean in? Alfred chose to relax into Eduards arm and found it to be rather... pleasant. It was much too soon for Alfred to return the kiss, still finding out how and why Eduard made him want to in the first place. “Me too. You- I mean! I indulge a lil much.” “... I’m not real hungry anymore. But don’t wanna get up!”
i totally did NOT forget to finish these and will soon --
⭐️ Hey- like this for a para starter!! ⭐️
Me going to Europe in like 2 weeks but I still need to get valid ID that’s not expired 🤡
jatkuleiba:
There he goes again, soldiering through even after the last full day of work at the conference. Alfred’s stubborn nature doesn’t surprise Eduard in the slightest anymore, but it still causes the Estonian a considerable amount of concern. Knowing that it’s partially for his sake makes it feel even more troublesome…
He sighed softly, his own smile holding steady and radiant even though his body was feeling the strain too. Seems like his old ally had moved to distraction mode. “That sounds wonderful. It has been a while since I have last stargazed.” Having the privilege to spend time alone with Alfred for a couple of days was the part he would look forward to the most, however.
“But in that case, can I steal you for just a moment to look over our road plan for tomorrow? Maybe over tea?” He squeezed Alfred’s shoulder and flicked at his glasses in slight tease. “I promise I’ll let you get back to work right afterwards.”
Nose scrunched; his glasses falling back into a comfortable placement. This man sure was touchy from the rim of his lenses to his shoulder, he couldn’t help but notice each time they connected. That being said, relaxing isn’t part of this Americans’ style; no insult meant behind this seemingly fixed in tension that Ed has felt beneath his hand. Hopefully, he had been exposed to Alfred enough to understand there was nothing behind his friendly squeeze to bring on discomfort. “We can do anything-- I’m off work! Steal me for however long you want, ya?” Alfred beamed, pleased as punch. Their tea and travel plans touch-ups happened over dinner-- if you could call it that -- pizza ordered in with a dessert for one; they can share later. For now, Alfred began to decompress from the day he had in good company. “I never planned these kinds of things, but for you?? I’ll make sure to drive through all those crazy attractions. There’s a lot of the ‘worlds largest’ here I want to show you. I’m also bringing everything we need so don’t worry.” she paused, searching for his eyes to catch in a gaze. “I never double checked this with you... so uh- does this sound cool?”
“The Europeans must be bored.”
HOW DO YOU NEED TO BE LOVED??
like a child loves the rain
you need to be loved in happiness and foolishness. a puppy love, a love so purely good, so full of happiness it makes your stomach ache. you need to be loved in a way that reminds you of the childhood you didn’t get to have. you need to be loved as if you’re feeling the rain fall upon your cheeks for the first time. refreshing, and clean.
“You don’t have to push so hard. It’s okay to rest.”
Hooking his tie Alfred loosened it with one swift tug; his body seeming to agree yet that expression stayed firm and without wear. Without the plain tie he could finally breath. Decompressing from another day busied and pulled in all direction. Not once, did that charming grin or burst of reassuring laughter fail. He was one tough cookie, after all.
Wouldn’t want Ed to believe Alfred wasn’t fully there and attentive.
“I got two energy drinks in me and besides, it’s not like I’m going to nap while you’re here. What am I-- Spain? We don’t take breaks in the middle of the day.” He did a playful and gentle swat at Eds shoulder, reassuring him a little lack of sleep could never stop him. “You’re here for awhile right? I was wondering if you wanted to go camping, or whatever. I took overtime before this so we could have a few days!”
@jatkuleiba | cont
It worked! A slight widened surprise captured her expression for a few fleeting moments. A rather childish complaint landed its mark; Alfred never expected Eduard to take the request seriously. Pleased as punch, Alfred grinned in genuine delight.
“You mix sweets and a game?” Curious, he’s quite curious now. “Chocolate and candies -- I haven’t played any game like that -- unless it’s poker without losing your savings. What is it??”
'The Raven and the First Men' - Bill Reid. Made from a 4.5 ton carving block of yellow cedar. 1980.
MUN TIME
NAME. Jenna but I like Breadie or Boyd
STAR SIGN.
Aries
HEIGHT.
5′5″
WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Uhhhh noooo
PUT YOUR SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?
Native Puppy love | A Drop of Nelsons Blood | Everybody Walking this Land | Ирорвёмся! | Let Me Down Easy | Look at This ( tribe called red )
Almost all were tribe called red I had to skip some oops
EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU?
No and I hope it stays that way - i will die i am not kidding i will die if someone ever did and not come back
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR?
Never omg
WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?
I don’t know any celebs!!! But uh hh hhhhh
I like the mom lady from US. She itches my lesbian brain real good i am a milf appreciator
WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE?
Those heart monitors will make me burst out into tears on a bad day. In fact, I have a sound sensitivity and get overwhelmed by it a lot so there’s not many sounds I do like. Maybe fizzles- OR POP ROCK SOUNDS
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?
I don’t fuck with ghosts
HOW ABOUT ALIENS?
y e s
DO YOU DRIVE?
No I dont have 5 grand to drop on driving lessons
IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED?
no
WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?
Captive Prince but currently going through the Grand Fathers Teachings
DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE?
no f off
WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?
Bad Guys!
WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD?
OKAY SO- a head injury. Im boring. I’m a cautious creature
DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW?
Cookie,,,Run,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Wind Archer Cookie is everything i crave in life and I will die for him
DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG?
Yes and No. I remember and while I don’t get angry anymore I don’t welcome the same people back into my life. I learned something and when someone tells you who they are it’s best to listen
IN A RELATIONSHIP?
No, but hello ladies
tagged by: idk i kept seeing people do this and wanted to!!
Hi I’m here to spread 2s Alfred appreciation
exhaustion … sentence starters
the exhausted
“I can’t sleep.”
“I can’t keep my eyes open.”
“Can you help me back to bed?”
“I’m okay. I’m not even that tired.”
“I don’t remember the last time I slept.”
“I can’t sleep, yet. There’s too much to do.”
“I don’t want to sleep. I keep having nightmares.”
“I promise I’ll sleep in a bit, just let me finish this, first.”
“Can you help me lie down? I can’t move, I’m too tired.”
“I can’t even think straight anymore… maybe I need to sleep.”
“Of course I want to relax. But, we don’t all get what we want.”
“I’m so tired I can’t do anything, but I’m not tired enough to sleep…”
the concerned
“You keep yawning.”
“Go. Sleep. That’s not a request.”
“If you’re that tired, just take a nap.”
“You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were this tired?”
“Those are some bad bags under your eyes.”
“You don’t have to push so hard. It’s okay to rest.”
“You can barely keep your eyes open, go lie down.”
“I haven’t seen you sleeping in a long time, what’s up?”
“I just had to stop you from toppling over. You’re not okay.”
“With everything you’ve been through lately, of course you’re tired.”
“I heard you thrashing around last night. Nightmares? Is that why you’re so tired?”
“You know, you keep fretting over everyone else, but you won’t even take a second to relax, yourself.”
misc
(doze) : one muse falls asleep on the other’s shoulder
(tuck) : one muse finds the other passed out onto the bed, and tucks them in
(collapsed) : one muse finds the other passed out on the floor from exhaustion
(carry) : one muse finds the other after they’ve fallen asleep on a chair / couch, and carries them to bed
(cover) : one muse finds the other asleep somewhere other than bed and covers them with a blanket / their jacket
(assist) : one muse finds the other so tired they’re having trouble standing and helps them walk somewhere to lie down
(comfort) : one muse has been having nightmares and unable to sleep, so asks the other to cuddle with them to help them drift off
Mr. Estonia for romantic candidate???? :))))
You know damn well that’s a y es //
