“ Current Relationship Status; Made Dinner For Two And Ate Both ”

@radiomayak​  / /  Starter Call.

“You can’t escape by going into the bar; I’ll just show them one of these.” Alfred flashes an ID with the wrong age he’s presenting as, a suspicious 21, but nothing they can prove wrong. “And I’ll buy out just about the entire bar so there’s only enough for sleazy blowjob, but you need to drink it r i g h t.” “Or we go to the mall, as I suggested,” a very strong suggestion. “I’ll buy you an outfit so you fit in a little better here. It’s too warm for that.”

Rick Guidice NASA concept, 1973

world's shittiest rp memes™: jerma985 cooking-themed sentence starters (from his cooking simulator streams)

intended for shitpost-y threads, but could be versatile. change pronouns/insert names/adjust phrasing as needed.

(grabs a pan directly out of the oven.) "OWOWOW, MY HANDS, OWW!!"

"okay, now what i want you to do is chug the avocado oil."

"they didn’t even know that half of that shit touched the ground."

"how much soup is soup?"

"wha- it cooks when i take it out?! how does it cook when it’s not in the pan?! that makes no sense!"

[sender's muse] tries to place a utensil down but manages to fling it clear across the room instead.

"i’m gonna deep-fry a propane tank."

"there's blood on the counter. ... and this dough looks really, really weird to me."

(cramming a bunch of metal utensils into a microwave.)

"i feel like that's the kind of shit we'll be eating when the apocalypse happens."

"i threw a cucumber and it exploded!"

"it looks like a... it looks like a dead bird."

(tries to empty a pot into the sink but manages to flip it completely upside down, spilling its contents all over the counter and floor.)

"i just singed my fucking eyebrows."

(tries to carefully pour food from a fryer onto a plate. 80% of the food ends up on the counter around the plate instead.)

(attempts to gently flip a cut of meat, but somehow manages to launch it out of the pan, into the air and onto a completely different part of the stove.) "... WHY?! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!"

"hopefully he doesn’t taste the glass."

[sender's muse] attempts to yell "YOU FUCKIN' DONKEY" like gordon ramsey, but they do the accent so badly they sound like shrek instead.

[sender's muse] accidentally throws an entire pizza out of the window.

"i’m realizing what i’m turning into. and i actually entered into, like, the experiment pretend-to-have-a-restaurant five-year-old thing."

an explosion goes off behind them. they turn to see the kitchen has caught fire. "... huh? did someone drop a fucking BOMB on us?!"

[sender's muse] starts pointing the business end of a blowtorch directly into their own eyes.

"i’ll put on the kitchen nightmares american OST."

"do not mix gas in the mixer. ... not now."

(tosses a pan in the air and breaks the ceiling fan COMPLETELY apart. all of the blades come off and the base falls to the floor.) "what. what?! scared the absolute hell outta me, i didn't know you could do that!"

(microwaves raw trout for 20 seconds, then immediately grabs a fork to dig in.)

(accidentally tosses a sponge into a pot of soup instead of the sink, then tries to surreptitiously fish it back out and pretend they didn’t.)

as [sender's muse] is walking to serve [receiver’s muse], the entire meal falls off the plate on the way there and they set a completely empty plate on the table like nothing is wrong.

(placing a porkchop directly onto the counter) "don’t let me forget this is here! ‘cause it’s cooked and it’s ready to eat!"

(tries putting something in the microwave, but it somehow flies out and across the room.) "okay, this is fucking broken."

"you wanna make prison wine?"

(laughing) "that looks like cat puke..."

(toting an extremely burnt pizza crust with a 5 inch tall pile of olives on it) "who ordered the caviar pizza?"

"it’s still good! ... no it’s not."

(spills two bowls of soup in a row just trying to carry them out of the kitchen.)

"it looks like someone bled on that pizza, doesn’t even look like sauce."

"i’m making floor soup."

(looks in the oven and immediately starts laughing.) "oh, shit."

(completely abandons the still-cooking food.) "aw, is that a bird? a bird just flew by."

(throws a pan full of raw steak across the room.)

(starts throwing cuts of meat out the window.)

(immediately after throwing a cut of meat out the window) "... did somebody just scream at me? i just caused a car accident!"

(scanning over the complete disaster in the kitchen like a cop at a crime scene) "okay, so very obviously, there was a struggle, right."

⭐️ Hey- like this for a para starter!! ⭐️

MUN TIME

NAME.  Jenna but I like Breadie or Boyd

STAR SIGN.  

Aries

HEIGHT. 

5′5″

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Uhhhh noooo

PUT YOUR SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?  

Native Puppy love | A Drop of Nelsons Blood | Everybody Walking this Land | Ирорвёмся! | Let Me Down Easy | Look at This ( tribe called red )

Almost all were tribe called red I had to skip some oops 

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? 

No and I hope it stays that way - i will die i am not kidding i will die if someone ever did and not come back

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? 

Never omg

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? 

I don’t know any celebs!!! But uh hh hhhhh 

I like the mom lady from US. She itches my lesbian brain real good i am a milf appreciator 

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE?  

Those heart monitors will make me burst out into tears on a bad day. In fact, I have a sound sensitivity and get overwhelmed by it a lot so there’s not many sounds I do like. Maybe fizzles- OR POP ROCK SOUNDS

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?  

I don’t fuck with ghosts

HOW ABOUT ALIENS?  

y e s

DO YOU DRIVE? 

No I dont have 5 grand to drop on driving lessons 

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? 

no

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? 

Captive Prince but currently going through the Grand Fathers Teachings 

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? 

no f off

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? 

Bad Guys!

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? 

OKAY SO- a head injury. Im boring. I’m a cautious creature 

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? 

Cookie,,,Run,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Wind Archer Cookie is everything i crave in life and I will die for him 

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? 

Yes and No. I remember and while I don’t get angry anymore I don’t welcome the same people back into my life. I learned something and when someone tells you who they are it’s best to listen 

IN A RELATIONSHIP? 

No, but hello ladies 

tagged by: idk i kept seeing people do this and wanted to!!

Alfred spreading 2. spi.rit agenda and breaking things she’s living the best life

exhaustion … sentence starters

the exhausted

“I can’t sleep.”

“I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“Can you help me back to bed?”

“I’m okay. I’m not even that tired.”

“I don’t remember the last time I slept.”

“I can’t sleep, yet. There’s too much to do.” 

“I don’t want to sleep. I keep having nightmares.”

“I promise I’ll sleep in a bit, just let me finish this, first.”

“Can you help me lie down? I can’t move, I’m too tired.”

“I can’t even think straight anymore… maybe I need to sleep.”

“Of course I want to relax. But, we don’t all get what we want.”

“I’m so tired I can’t do anything, but I’m not tired enough to sleep…”

the concerned

“You keep yawning.”

“Go. Sleep. That’s not a request.”

“If you’re that tired, just take a nap.”

“You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were this tired?”

“Those are some bad bags under your eyes.”

“You don’t have to push so hard. It’s okay to rest.”

“You can barely keep your eyes open, go lie down.”

“I haven’t seen you sleeping in a long time, what’s up?”

“I just had to stop you from toppling over. You’re not okay.”

“With everything you’ve been through lately, of course you’re tired.”

“I heard you thrashing around last night. Nightmares? Is that why you’re so tired?”

“You know, you keep fretting over everyone else, but you won’t even take a second to relax, yourself.”

misc

(doze) : one muse falls asleep on the other’s shoulder

(tuck) : one muse finds the other passed out onto the bed, and tucks them in

(collapsed) : one muse finds the other passed out on the floor from exhaustion

(carry) : one muse finds the other after they’ve fallen asleep on a chair / couch, and carries them to bed 

(cover) : one muse finds the other asleep somewhere other than bed and covers them with a blanket / their jacket

(assist) : one muse finds the other so tired they’re having trouble standing and helps them walk somewhere to lie down

(comfort) : one muse has been having nightmares and unable to sleep, so asks the other to cuddle with them to help them drift off

@frestoniia / /  Starter Call.

“My former therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. Feels like I paid money to be told the pope is Catholic.” Burying a cocky grin behind a quick sip of the strong coffee; the bitter assault on his tongue pulling a frown to his features. The universe checking her back into the lane, if only by a smidge. Alfred exhaled any last words of his rant through a small huff and sweetened it for a better next round. “Hm! Better!” “That was my new flavour of the month, kinda sucked. Wanna start a book club instead?? I’ve got fun ones.” A half lie -- the American having a very niche type of book taste. 

Nerds.

jatkuleiba​:

There he goes again, soldiering through even after the last full day of work at the conference. Alfred’s stubborn nature doesn’t surprise Eduard in the slightest anymore, but it still causes the Estonian a considerable amount of concern. Knowing that it’s partially for his sake makes it feel even more troublesome…

He sighed softly, his own smile holding steady and radiant even though his body was feeling the strain too. Seems like his old ally had moved to distraction mode. “That sounds wonderful. It has been a while since I have last stargazed.” Having the privilege to spend time alone with Alfred for a couple of days was the part he would look forward to the most, however. 

“But in that case, can I steal you for just a moment to look over our road plan for tomorrow? Maybe over tea?” He squeezed Alfred’s shoulder and flicked at his glasses in slight tease. “I promise I’ll let you get back to work right afterwards.”

Nose scrunched; his glasses falling back into a comfortable placement. This man sure was touchy from the rim of his lenses to his shoulder, he couldn’t help but notice each time they connected. That being said, relaxing isn’t part of this Americans’ style; no insult meant behind this seemingly fixed in tension that Ed has felt beneath his hand. Hopefully, he had been exposed to Alfred enough to understand there was nothing behind his friendly squeeze to bring on discomfort. “We can do anything-- I’m off work! Steal me for however long you want, ya?” Alfred beamed, pleased as punch. Their tea and travel plans touch-ups happened over dinner-- if you could call it that -- pizza ordered in with a dessert for one; they can share later. For now, Alfred began to decompress from the day he had in good company. “I never planned these kinds of things, but for you?? I’ll make sure to drive through all those crazy attractions. There’s a lot of the ‘worlds largest’ here I want to show you. I’m also bringing everything we need so don’t worry.” she paused, searching for his eyes to catch in a gaze. “I never double checked this with you... so uh- does this sound cool?”