It’s Funny Being Somewhat Extroverted And Being Aroace. I Love It! I Feel Like A Double Agent.

Okay so recently I’ve been watching shows from the early 2000s and the queercoding is so fucking high. For example, I recently watched Malcolm in the Middle. I mainly talking about Malcolms older brother Reese. The dude married a man at one point and he also brought up that it was cool to have two dads cause some kid had two dads. Oh he also almost married a girl too. Dude’s a bicon or somethin’. I could definitely be overanalyzing and overthinking this, but it’s just a thought. As an aroace I need other peeps’ thoughts because I’m just goin’ off of what I saw in the show.

Toxic Friendships

As the title says I’m going to talk about toxic friendships because they’re shitty as hell dude. Like there were these two people that I knew, well okay we go to the same school and well one of ‘em was possessive of me, and didn’t respect my physical boundaries and he’d always lean on me (without asking mind you) during the classes we had together, and we still unfortunately have those same classes together, but I sit with other people who respect me, which wow...it’s truly amazing. This person and another person put down my art and called it projection every time I would show them a piece and they brought down one of my closest friends. I’m in the midst of relearning some social skill that I had learned from those unhealthy relationships. Also the physical-boundary-person and the rip-my-confidence-for-showing-art-person were really judgemental, not that I’m not judgemental at all, but they for sure clouded my judgement. I hung out with both of them because I was scared and insecure, and then I started loving myself and I started seeing the cracks. Also the symbiote-person liked me at a certain point, making the “affection” make me feel as if I were being taking advantage of because I gave them a second chance, hell I might’ve given him more than he deserved. I understand that they both have shit going on. I GET THAT! I just don’t want them to hurt other people and that includes themselves. They need to grow up for fucks sake! I’m just so tired of having to be sympathetic towards people who hurt me! I know I definitely contributed and I’m sorry that I did! They are like babies (or just middle schoolers...no offence to anyone who’d in middle school)! I’m tired of having to be mature! I’m tired of feeling hurt! I’m tired of seeing their guilty faces! Okay one of them always looks guilty and he also stares at me (symbiote-person) sometimes and it’s creepy as hell! I deleted their contacts because I need to let them go, but it’s so hard because I still feel so hurt and I’m scared that one of ‘em will try to pull me back. I’m so scared. I’m scared to be vulnerable again. I want to be strong, but what if I’m judged so hard. I’m so fucking scared. I wanna be a better friend to other people than they ever were to me. 

As an asexual I sometimes forget that sex exists and that sexual things exist, and that they are in fact not just in the media. As an aromantic, I forget that people can feel romantic feelings because all I feel is friendship.

A lil’ story

When I was 11 there was some fortune teller that basically told me love life (which none)

He said that I would have a “lover” by the age of 14-15. And then he said I’d have one at 16-17 (I kinda forgot which one or if he said both). And one at 19.

Fortuneteller: Ah yes you will have many lovers

Me, an aroace in my head thinking: Huh...I haven’t any crushes yet...what’s it supposed to feel like? That’s not weird...right?

Later that year I went to a party...I think I was 12 then...and still nobody was “attractive”. 

And I was just waiting and I heard two people telling each other that they liked each other and then one of them was absolutely pissed at me...and I was like “Oh I like said person”...except I did not...I was just really scared. 

I continued to force crushes over the years, and I’m 16 now...and I feel absolutely nothing that people would call attraction. Every time I would tell people, like my friends, the “crush” would just go away (instantly if I may add) and I was like “okay...maybe next time?” but also “Uhm...is that normal...that’s not normal, right?”

Then covid happened and I was touch starved...and there was someone who was nice on the team (not gonna say...okay, but it was a sports team), and I thought: “Wow they’re so nice...maybe my crush won’t vanish!”. Then I told my friends and...it did indeed vanish. I did however want to become the persons friend badly...and that’s not going well, but if they see this...hi..can we be friends?

In conclusion, that fortune teller was talking out of his ass, excuse my language, but he was as I have no clue what a crush is supposed to feel like.

#aromantic #aromantic as fuck #this guy was dead wrong and I dunno why I believed him #Also he thought I was a girl, which...no I’m just non-binary #asexual #asexual as fuck #squish #I kinda wish I knew what aroace was instead of forcing crushes, but I’m glad I know now #aroace

I feel as I’ve accepted my aroace-ness I’ve become so much gayer and I don’t know how, but I’m vibing with it.

Alright so as an a-spec, trans, and non-binary person, I’ve taken it upon myself to create a story in the medium of comics. I’ve doin’ this for a while though, like 2 years...and HOLY SHIT!!! I feel as if I’ve grown with the characters, and I know how it’s going to end. I often find that my characters represent parts of myself rather than the people in my life. My goal is to finish it and post it on the internet, though I kinda already did, by posting the first ten pages. It’s gonna be two volumes, so as you can imagine, shit goes down. Granted, the first 20 pages are kinda rushed, but I wanted 228 pages max for the first volume, and I want the second to be 200. The main character, Noel (they/them), is non-binary and is figuring out their sexuality, so yeah :). 

As I’ve been a teenager I’ve had a multitude of identity crises. At first I thought I was pan in middle school. Like just 2 years of me thinking that. Then I learned a wee bit about asexuality and disregarded it. I thought I could be gray-ace or something. I just wanted to be normal. Then at one point I thought that I was bi and demiromantic, except I couldn’t stand the thought of actually having to date anyone. I was also having a major gender crisis. One of my friends said that I could be aro, and I was like “Nah nah...totally allo...[internally just panicking]!”. I aggressively denied it. And now I’ve come to accept that I am in fact aroace and that I love hugs.

Not to get personal...but this shit ‘boutta get personal...oh how I dream of teet yeet

I remember when I was younger, mystique was one of my favorite characters, I mean they could shapeSHIFT! In other words I’m trans, and shoulda realized that maybe that was a sign. GOD SO MANY SIGNS!! I remember in middle school I was sad that we couldn’t do co-ed sports and everyone wanted to do boys vs. girls. Another this is that I fought with my dad or someone about how everyone had adam’s apples, granted still not wrong, but I dunno what I was going for? And then there were all those times I had to wear clothing that I wasn’t comfortable in to go to church...would literally cry when I had to wear tights because it caused dysphoria. And then well puberty started and I didn’t like having boobs. Still don’t. Sports bras were ma besties and they got replaced by ma binder. I can’t wait till I can get top surgery in the future at some point. Also I dunno if breast cancer runs in family, though it does on my dad’s side, but he hasn’t tested yet, so that’s no to great, but yeah that makes two reasons to do the...TEET YEET!!! Also I remember once I wore a normal and goddamn never felt more unlike my self. Oh and then there was overcompensating in middle school because I wanted to be like my sisters, but I knew some shit was up, and you know/have an idea of the rest. 

Hey friend, I hope I can ask a favour from you. I’m a black non-binary lesbian going through a tough phase as Both of my parents are openly homophobic and transphobic. I've organised a crowdfunding to solicit for support to evacuate my home, it's been help for me. Please consider to donate to my pinned link on my profile if you can Reblog and share my pin post to reach a large audience with support . Anything helps at the moment.🙏❤️

Yo yo fellow potatoes/gremlings/gremlins/earthlings/humans (idk anymore ya'll's be cool), let's gather to help a homie out! As said above, they need help, so yeah. They have a link, so imma put it here :): https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-black-nonbinary-escape-transphobia-household?qid=0558df410eb45b5a29218a7e283e4a8b

If you aren't able to help them, perhaps tell your friends or enemies, I dunno, but tell them, that this is a story about a person in need, and that they need a lift from you. A lift could be as simple as word of mouth, reblogging, texting, crossposting on various platforms, and if there's anything else use that creativity or some strategic way to help this epic human :)

Sometimes figuring yourself out can suck. There are days I wish I could have crushes and have the regular teenage experience because sometimes I feel like an outsider. I can’t fall in love and I don’t wanna do the deed. I’m just tired of hurting. I got hurt and emotionally manipulated by someone at my school and I’m scared that history will repeat itself. I don’t want them to hurt anyone else. I’m tired of holding anger towards this person because I just want them to grow up and learn not to overstep people’s boundaries. I left them because I had grown up a bit and learned that I deserve better. They made me question everything about my identity. They did these non-consented cuddles, and I felt stuck. I love myself a bit more, but I’m sometimes a little lonely. This person put me down along with another person. I left them both. My friends that I have now, respect me and I love them and appreciate them for that. I’ve always wanted to befriend everyone, but the fact is, that little childish dream of mine can’t come true because not everyone will like me or want to befriend me, and the same is for me, as I have the same feelings for some people as well. Augghh...growing up also sucks!