Submitted Steven To A Killing Game

TF2 Headcanons: Game Balance & The Gunslinger

So, let’s get right to it.

Gunslinger:

Obviously, the RED Engineer invented it first with the help of the RED Medic. The BLU Engineer never asked his team’s Medic for help due to the rocky relationship the entire BLU team has, so he could never figure out how to bridge the gap between man and machine. BLU Engie just found the blueprints for the Gunslinger design at the front of his door one day, complete with notes from the RED Medic and Engineer on how the wiring and circuits could function as nerves. BLU Engie immediately took to building it, but ran into a problem once he finished.

How would he remove his hand?

The RED Medic had helped his team’s Engie with removing the hand precisely so that the nerves would connect with the wiring of the machine. But there was no way the BLU Engineer would ever ask his Medic, considering how snappy he got. So BLU Engineer went into the day’s round of fighting, only to be absolutely obliterated by an Ubered RED Medic and Battle Engineer. After the humiliating defeat, BLU Engineer just says screw it and slices his hand clean off.

He, of course, ended up with an infection that forced him to go to the BLU Medic for help, who did his best to try and fix the problem. It was pretty hard to fix completely without regrowing his entire hand back, so he ended up with constant hand pain.

But how did BLU Engineer end up with the blueprints at his door?

Well that leads us to our next topic…

Game Balance:

The Administrator’s job is to make both teams as balanced as possible. She was the one who proposed the idea of clones to Blutarch, which Blutarch screwed up with his desire to make the BLU team superior to the RED team. If she could, the Administrator would definitely make a new set of clones for the BLU team, but cloning people is extremely expensive. So the Administrator tries to make the game more balanced, by giving all weapons that the RED team invents to the BLU team, and taking weapons that have too much power.

The RED team often works together to try and make new weapons that will make fighting easier, but overnight, the weapon will either disappear or be “nerfed” (aka components that make it too overpowered will be removed). However, once a weapon achieves balance, a copy is sent to the BLU team. Some of the RED team have suspicions about their disappearing weapons, but there isn’t much they can do about it. It’s either accept it as the norm or get fired.

So, the Administrator gave the BLU Engineer the Gunslinger to “balance” the teams. The Administrator couldn’t directly help the BLU team though, so they kept getting dominated by the RED team. The Administrator often sends Miss Pauling to provide the BLU team more support, but Miss Pauling doesn’t really care for the BLU team much. They’re never as lively or as fun as the RED team, and they don’t treat her as a friend and more as an uncaring employer. She definitely prefers the RED team over them, but she still needs to follow the Administrator.

Now, as I mentioned in my last post, I considered the RED Pyro to only be a suit brought to life with magic, and the BLU Pyro a crude mechanical version of it. A more detailed version of what I think of it will be up in a few days, and I apologize for the delay on that.

Thank you for all of the support on the last post! I spent the past few days just staring at the number of notes going up and reading the tags on reblogs and it just made me explode on the inside lol. I’ll be posting more of these headcanon posts, but instead of packing a ton of headcanons into one post I’ll spread them out a bit more so I’ll have time to come up with new ones. Thank you to everyone who reblogged and left all those nice words. It really encourages me to write more in this fandom, hell even in general.

TLDR: THANK YOU

Great detectives are wont to lie

i wish lawyers were real

TF2 Headcanons: Pyro (s)

So, the Pyro. A mysterious being that adores fire. People always wonder what’s under that mask, and many people (including me) resort to theories and headcanons.

My headcanon? 

there is nothing under the mask.

Simple as that, no? But of course, there’s more to it. I’ll begin the elaboration segment of this post.

Alrighty. Pyro is just an empty flameproof suit that moves around on its own, like those empty suits of armor in fairytales. And magic clearly exists in the TF2 universe, so what’s stopping the Pyro? But the magic has to come from somewhere, and the only source of it we know so far is Merasmus (or maybe australium but that’s TF2 science for you). 

The Pyro was brought to life by Merasmus and possibly Soldier as well. It was originally intended to be a weapon for whatever mafia Merasmus was being threatened by again, but Soldier interfered and ruined the ritual somehow. So now Pyro is this loveable teddy bear of a pyromaniac that waltzes around with the team bringing chaos everywhere. They act like a child, and like a kid being overprotective of their toys, they protect their team with their life.

Also Pyro is just a pinata of sorts. The suit is just filled completely with candy they collect on Halloween and whenever they get exploded the candy just bursts out everywhere too. This is my favorite part of the headcanon because I just imagine Scout getting hurt somehow and he’s making a big fuss and the Pyro just pulls off their glove and tons of candy flies out. Then Pyro picks up a little lollipop who hands it to the now horrified Scout.

This was the RED Pyro, however. What about the BLU Pyro?

BLU Pyro is just a robot. The first robot to ever be made by Mann Co, in fact. While they were cloning the RED team (see previous post titled TF2. Headcanons: Clones), they found that they couldn’t get any DNA from the RED Pyro and nothing showed up in their background check. After learning what the Pyro really was, they decided to just make a robot instead of finding a literal magician to animate another suit.

And the Pyro has such a simple job, right? Spray fire in the enemy’s direction and there you go. But the RED Pyro is alive, in some sense. They learn and adapt, they spycheck everywhere and airblast teammates in need. They help bodyguard their team and protect them. The BLU Pyro needs to be told what to do by a program, which is updated now and then by the BLU Engineer. At some point, the BLU Pyro would have so many changes to its code that it would act almost exactly like the RED Pyro, minus the liveliness and cheer.

The BLU Pyro is just the BLU Engineer’s pet project of sorts. BLU Engie ain’t helping out the team as much as the RED Engie, so he spends all of his spare time changing and adjusting code in the BLU Pyro. BLU Pyro is easily the greatest robot alive. But the amount of code it would take to make a robot act so similar to a human would easily be enough to crash the robots like Grey Mann’s. Even if his robots are powered by money, they haven’t had a brilliant mind like the Engineer work on it for years, especially on the entire army. *insert cool segue here*

Grey Mann got his idea of a robot takeover from the BLU Pyro. He stole the original blueprints for the Pyro and adapted it to suit the entire robotic army he was making. He did not know about the absurd amount of reprogramming and rebuilding the original BLU Pyro went through. Which really sucked for him, since the blueprints he stole were the for original BLU Pyro model, meaning that it was very clunky and it rattled around a lot. And since Grey Mann used the design of the BLU Pyro for his whole robot army, every single one of those robots ended up clunky and rattling. None of them have any of that extra coding from the Engineer either, so the robots in the army don’t spycheck, don’t airblast teammate, and don’t work togther as a team. 

god that was a lot of writing. thanks for reading it! reblogs mean a lot to me, especially those with nice notes attached to them :D. Please give me tips for writing better too, I’ve never had a beta reader for anything except for myself.

I mean don’t get me wrong I loved the game but that ending-?????

So yeah enjoy this crappily drawn infinite wall of text I DID WHAT I COULD WITH WHAT I HAD TO WORK WITH

(also please open in new tabs if you want to read anything goddang tumblr makes things tiny)

(p.s. I did another dumb thing as a sequel)

I like your Satoru Hosonaga is Miles & Gregory Edgeworth’s ancestor theory, and it's my theory too now. However the cheekbones, Hosonaga is implied to have tuberculosis, and people with TB tends to get thinner and thinner, making their cheekbones more prominent. Search for images of Okita Sōji before (on Wikipedia) getting the illness and after, it's quite terrifying..!

Ooh! I searched it up, but didn't find anything on it on the Okita Sōji article sadly. But that does make a lot of sense! He always seemed really skinny and frail lmao--nice to know that there's a reason behind it. I'll do more research on the illness in the meantime. For me this can go two ways. One could be that the tuberculosis caused the pronounced cheekbones, or the other being that it made it more present (if that makes any sense? i'm super tired rn hahdshabfs)

Should I do more posts about this theory/au? I don't really post much nowadays, but I'll accept asks about it to get more content for this blog hhhh

i just freaking read Agent Apless as Agent Ape-less.

guys the agent lacks apes. we gotta get him some apes.

but seriously, i thought he was agent apples with two s’s but i guess not

Clumbo screenshot redraw!!

Keep reading

hhhh dior

POkay so apparently Dior means golden in French so that’s my headcanon name for Spy now.

this is only going to be a bare minimum timeline for me, and I don’t really want people to see it but i want it to be out there so no tags on it. I’m planning on making a really really long fanfiction on this so anyone who sees this I’d like if you didn’t make anything about it or credit me if you are directly inspired by this.

OKAY HERE WE GO

- Dior is born to a loving mother and a neglecting father. The mother signed a contract somehow that signed over a crap ton of money to Dior’s father. Dior’s mother disappears when he is six (not completely clear but she was killed by Dior’s father so that she couldn’t blab to police about how he abused Dior and so he could keep all the money for himself) People suspect the Father of doing the murder, so he hides away into his mansion and makes Dior take care of everything for him. - Understandably, Dior hates his father a lot. At some point, his father has a bit too much to drink, and smashes Dior over the head with a glass bottle repeatedly, leaving scars all over his face. Of course once he’s sober again he realizes the problem that all evidence pointed to him doing it, so that would be one of the reasons why he hides in the mansion.  - misc. notes: Dior is forced to cook for his father and do all the shopping, so he intentionally tries to cook horrible food. of course his dad gets mad about it so he just goes to the store and buys some weird instant alligator meat in the Australian section of the store and cooks it for his dad daily. Dior steals from his rich classmates who bullied him because of his father and uses it to buy food to support himself.

- OKAY SO THIS IS WHERE  DIOR KILLS HIS DAD.

- one day, a balisong along with an envelope saying “you know what to do” appears in the dirt in front of the mansion. He does know what to do. Dior spends days in the library, studying human anatomy to find the quickest way to kill someone with a balisong. Ultimately, he comes up with the backstab. On one of his Father’s shirts he draws a dot so he can aim his knife. The day comes where his Father wears the shirt, and while his father is taking a swig from his drink-- the knife goes IN through his skin and punctures his heart. he dies unsure what Dior will do with the body, but he salvages absolutely everything having to do with his mother from the house. (debating what will happen here, but I have an idea where Dior burns the house down or something idk. maybe he’ll get caught for what he does because of the corpse odor so he burns down the entire village. i’m thinking about introducing a character who would be the owner of the bookstore, and would be like a second mother to Dior, but would also be the first person to connect Dior to the crime and would betray him.)

should his last name be Primeaux? I’ll add a tag once I come up with a last name for him.

I’ll continue this in a later post.

angry plastic man for the soul