"Can You Live Without A Brain?"

"People don't think that technology can handle a beating. If my Xbox was a war veteran he'd have been through all the major wars."

“Birds do fly, therefore I am a cop. You’re under arrest!”

“No, you are!”

"Insulin is the hormone equivalent of 'not like other girls'"

"Well, congrats on the vaginal knowledge!"

"I'm so lonely... SHIT I FORGOT TO EMAIL THEM BACK!"

"I've been having horse flashbacks..."

“MEEEOOOWWWW!”

-My cat. Loudly. In my face. At 3am. Every night.

"I'm trying to listen to a dwarvern shanty here, pal!"

“That’s a Cavendish banana, you shithead.”

-me, to one of my closest friends

"Kill him, lesbians!"