Look This Has No Right Being So Accurate But I— The Cucumber Thing, I Just Had To Expand On That

I always wondered how the foxes would react to finding out that it was andrew that "hit on" neil first (specially Kevin, since he was just standing right there while that happened)

(now, i don't think they would willing just talk about it but if one of them slip up...)

Btw: i absolutely adored the goodbye kisses series

AHHH sorry for being so MIA lately but i'm absolutely loving this! also i'm realizing that i'm very bad at actually getting to the point so enjoy a shit ton of irrelevant exposition :)

read it on ao3 here

— ··· —

Kevin didn't understand why they had to come to the zoo. It was smelly, there were kids screaming everywhere, and he'd nearly been stepped on three times in the past 10 minutes. He much rather preferred exy to this.

Team bonding sucked.

He trudged along beside Aaron as Dan, Matt, and Nicky actually tried socializing with the new Foxes. Normally, Kevin would jump at the chance to talk about exy with these recruits, but also, normally he didn't feel like he'd just just rolled through a flaming dumpster filled with screeching, pooping monkeys.

Kevin let out a sigh as they passed some sort of mildly interesting snake exhibit. He nudged Aaron, who was on his phone with a red face, which meant he was either texting lovey-dovey things to Katelyn or blasting an idiot in his Ochem class. You never really knew with him.

"Aaron."

Aaron just scowled at him. Kevin sighed again. Conversing was always so much more exhausting than he anticipated.

"Snakes."

"What."

"Do you want to... see the snakes?"

Aaron blinked in confusion. "Okay?"

Kevin led them to the snakes.

There, they shoved past some families and made it to the front of the glass enclosure.

"Well?" Aaron asked. "Now what do we do?"

Valid question, Kevin thought. He hadn't really considered what they were doing. He just wanted to see snakes.

He told Aaron as much, who rolled his eyes aggressively and went back to his phone.

Kevin felt a tap on his shoulder and twisted around, coming face-to-face (well, more like chest-to-face) with some sort of tour or information guide.

"Hi!" she smiled all too brightly. Kevin wanted to cover his eyes. "How are you enjoying the exhibition?"

"Um," Kevin gulped eloquently, then remembered his media training. "Oh yeah, it's great!"

"Awesome," she beamed. "You know, there's a snake feeding session in about 5 minutes if you and your son are interested."

Kevin's face contorted in confusion. He whirled around, assuming some tiny, lost child was latched near him, but when he turned back, the lady — Sandy — had her gaze intensely focused on the only other small person near him: Aaron.

Oh dear.

Aaron seemed to come to the same conclusion as Kevin did because his eyes widened comically and he hissed "I. am. not. his. son."

Sandy blinked owlishly. "Little brother then?"

Aaron threw his hands up. "I am 21! Leave me alone." He then proceeded to stomp out of the enclosure, dragging Kevin along and leaving a very flummoxed old lady behind them.

"I can't believe it," Aaron kept muttering. "Your son. Your son! I hate life."

Kevin was a bit miffed that he hadn't actually been able to see the snakes, but he figured Aaron's plight was slightly more significant than that.

After a few moments of silent walking (Kevin) and angry grumbing (Aaron), Kevin realized he couldn't see any of the Foxes anymore. He glanced around, instinctively searching for Andrew.

"Hey, do you know where Andrew and Neil went?" Kevin asked.

Aaron scoffed. "They're probably making out somewhere."

"Who's making out?"

Aaron and Kevin both gave unholy screeches as they turned around to find Nicky standing between them, a wide, innocent grin on his face.

"What the fuck," Aaron complained. "Don't do that again, you bitch."

Nicky waved him off. "Shut up. Who's making out? Might be able to close some bets."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "We just can't find Andrew and Neil anywhere. Aaron seems to believe they're off deflowering a zoo Port-A-Potty or something."

"Well then, we wouldn't want to interrupt them, right?" Nicky winked. "Anyways, we're all going to the butterfly exhibit right now so y'all have to join us. I'm not taking no for an answer."

It seemed that they had no choice, so after sharing a resigned glance, Kevin and Aaron trudged behind an overly enthusiastic Nicky while he babbled on about some parrots that he saw. It really didn't seem as interesting as Nicky was making it out to be, but Kevin didn't want to say anything lest he was expected to participate in the conversation too.

They finally reached the butterfly exhibit where the other Foxes were waiting for them. They entered as a mass of loud, mildy buff, smelly athletes and got more than a few glares from the parents of young children who moved out of the way.

But in all this movement, the path cleared and Kevin found... Andrew and Neil? He was about to turn to Aaron and tell him that they evidently not making out, until he noticed how still Andrew was standing and the glee on Neil's face.

Nicky's gaze caught onto them a second later, because he squealed and grabbed Kevin's arm, jabbing his finger at the sight.

"Oh my God," he whispered. "Is that a butterfly on Andrew's nose? That is adorable."

Kevin squinted, and yes, that's exactly what it appeared to be. Nicky's outburst had caught Allison's attention, and she began marching over to Neil and Andrew, the rest of the Foxes in tow.

Kevin could already tell this was going to be a mess.

When they finally reached Andrew, Aaron was the first to speak. "What the fuck?" he asked flatly. Andrew glared at him. Slowly, as to not move the butterfly, he raised his hand to gently flip off his brother.

Nicky immediately started cooing. "Aww, don't worry Andrew! I think you look adorable."

Andrew began slipping out a knife.

On Allison's left, Kevin saw Dan practically shaking with laughter as she pulled out her camera and snapped a picture.

Neil opened his mouth, probably to tell off Dan but Nicky rushed in to talk to him.

"Soooo," he waggled his eyebrows. "I didn't know you could see the future, Neil."

Neil stared at him blankly and turned back to Andrew as he pulled out a map, but Nicky rallied on.

"Like, you must have been able to predict that one day Andrew was going to be this adorable. That's why you asked him out, right?"

"What?" Neil asked distractedly. "I never asked him out."

Kevin blinked in surprise. After a moment's consideration, he realized that considering how utterly oblivious Neil could be, it really was no shocker that Andrew had to ask him out first.

"Wait wait wait," Matt shook his head. "So Andrew asked you out?"

Neil waved them off as he continued squinting at the map he was holding. "Yes yes, just go ask Kevin, he was there."

All eyes turned to Kevin. Kevin was very lost.

"What the fuck," Aaron repeated. "I'm so confused."

"Me too," Kevin muttered. "Me too."

— ··· —

After their long day at the zoo was over, the Foxes finally began the trudge back up to their respective dorms. The younger Foxes dozed off immediately, but the older Foxes gathered in the girls' room to drop off the bags they had borrowed for the trip.

In all the commotion, no one really noticed Andrew and Neil leaving together. But right before they slipped out the door, Renee caught sight of them.

"Good night, you two!" she called. Neil turned around and gave her a tired wave, his body slumped on Andrew.

"Wait!" Nicky scrambled off the sofa. "Before I forget: Neil, how did Andrew ask you out?"

Neil blinked sleepily. "Well," he slurred. "He asked if he could blow me."

The room went silent.

Andrew heaved a sigh and dragged Neil out the door, leaving seven wide-eyed, very much awake athletes in their wake. Slowly, everyone turned to Kevin.

"You!" Allison weakly jabbed a finger in his direction. "You knew about this!"

Too late, Kevin realized what Neil's statement meant. Andrew had asked out Neil in front of Kevin. By offering sex. Nothing could have possibly ruined Kevin's night as much as this information had.

He met the Foxes' eyes slowly. Even Renee looked a bit surprised at Neil's admission, but she was clearly biting back a smile. "Trust me," Kevin groaned. "If I had known this had happened, I would have won myself so many bets."

"Damn," Nicky sighed. "I wish Erik and I had such an iconic story. Who knew the quiet, stabby cousin was such a horny gay bastard?"

"I," Aaron announced hotly. "have never wanted to forget a conversation more than this one."

"But Aaron. Andrew asked to blow him."

"Nicky, I swear— "

"OH MY GOD. They're probably having sex right now! Kevin, could you— "

Aaron put his head in his hands. "Please shut up now."

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt 2) ft. kevin

you can find part 1 here :) you probs need to read that to understand this one!

part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

neil tries to kiss andrew out of sight of the other foxes, but it's not always easy

matt knows already, of course, about neil's newfound way of saying goodbye

but keeping the others away proves to be slightly... impossible

kevin catches them first

the three of them are at night practice, but andrew was refusing to participate

"this is homophobia, you can't force me to play, kevin"

"what the fu-"

anyway. so neil and kevin are practicing. they do their thing

(andrew is most definitely not staring at neil's shorts, of course not surely he has more self-control than that)

(spoiler alert: he does not, it turns out, have that much self-control)

about an hour in, kevin and neil go on a short water break because hydration

neil jogs up to the bleachers where andrew is sitting and quietly speaks to him, out of kevin's sight

kevin leans against the wall of the court, drinking water and scrolling through his East Asian Studies group chat (no Jackson, the Chinese were not "blazing it" during the Opium Crisis)

he gets so caught up in his rant that he realizes the time is now 10 minutes after their break was supposed to end

and that's certainly unusual isn't it? because neil is just as obsessed with exy as kevin is, and it's really weird that he hasn't come to tell kevin to start practice again, oh god what if something's wrong, what if kevin wasn't paying enough attention and something bad happened shit shit SHIT

so kevin runs over to the bleachers where he remembers andrew and neil usually sit and finds... them in a very heated make-out session

and yes, kevin can admit that he feels some relief that everything's okay. it's mostly just annoyance though. what did he ever do to be cursed to see this much PDA from his roommates?

"ahem. neil. josten. get off of andrew's lap right now, we're supposed to be practicing"

neil quickly twists around at kevin's voice, nearly toppling off of andrew. he regards kevin with a sheepish look

"ah right yes i just got a bit, um, distracted"

"evidently"

so kevin thinks neil will go about disentangling himself and starts to turn away

but of course, neil lives to surprise him

instead of getting off of andrew immediately he leans in once more

kevin is resigning himself to have to physically break the two apart at this point

but instead of going in for another long kiss, neil brushes his lips on andrew's nose and gives him a softer smile than kevin is used to seeing on the striker's face

kevin cannot believe his eyes

but the pink on andrew's cheeks is certainly real. so he couldn't have imagined that

quite frankly, kevin doesn't think he has the brain capacity to come with something like that in the first place

but he doesn't say anything. yet. he and neil practice as usual, and after some cool-down stretches and a quick shower, andrew drives the three of them back to the tower

andrew shoves neil into the their room and emerges again outside to where kevin is waiting

"spit it out day, why are you acting weird?"

"nothing really. you're just... a lot softer these days. with neil at least"

"what, do you want me to start kissing you too? i thought it was easier to remain heterosexual"

kevin rolls his eyes at this

"shut up. ugh. i guess i'm just glad he's making you a bit happier"

andrew gives him an appraising look (it's not as intense as he thinks it is considering the height different but kevin decides not to bring that up)

"and if i told you i'm never happy? that i may never be happy?"

kevin shrugs. "then i'll be glad that he's helping you feel safe enough to tell me that"

andrew is quiet for a moment. then—

"don't go around giving josten all the credit for that. he already has a big enough ego"

andrew turns on his heel and walks into the bedroom, leaving kevin to realize what andrew just implied

kevin lets himself smile for a moment. no matter what he says, he really is happy for his friends. even if what he saw today was horribly sappy

he goes to bed with the knowledge that andrew and neil are in good hands with each other

(but really, he's already drafting plans on banning PDA in the court because he desperately does not want to walk in on neil and andrew again)

for the requests: 24 but like,, the opposite?? do whatever you want but also have this embarrassing story of mine for free because i have LIVED this and it is HORRIBLE!! I don’t know what was going through my mind but it was my friends bday and she went to give me a fist bump but instead of returning it I just grabbed her fist with my hand (scissors beats rock style) and we both stood there in silence for a moment staring at our hands until I turned it into a sort of handshake when I just started to shake where I had her fist gripped in my own hand up and down for a solid 10 seconds

24. "confusing a handshake for a fist bump" - but the opposite lmao

minyard-josten rivalry, y'all know where it's at

so these two dumbasses keep their relationship a secret from everyone, including their managers and PR team

anyways, i imagine that there's some sort of pre-game interview happening, to create some hype for the shitshow that's going to be a minyard v josten game

the problem is... no one knows how to predict their moves

andrew's PR team tells him to be professional — maybe shake neil's hand instead of ignoring it like how he always does

neil's PR team tells him to do something more casual, to reduce the animosity he's such a natural at creating

you can probably see where this is going...

so. andrew, neil, and few people from each of their teams come out in front of the cameras

the teammates + managers on the sides are just staring very intently at andrew and neil

neil sighs and shoves out his hand for a first bump with his boyfriend of very many years

andrew however. look, he hasn't seen neil in weeks and he the cats miss him and give andrew lots of sad meows and really seeing neil is a relief so his children not his children, his CATS, can stop being so upset

basically, he has a bit of a gay panic while looking at neil — the shape of his face, his eyes, his hair (good lord, that needed to be cut three years ago)

and so when neil puts out his hand in greeting, andrew really can't be blamed for being distracted!

he slams his fingers into neil's fist.

they stare at each other for a few moments as the only sound is cameras flashing. slowly, andrew curls his fingers just as neil straightens out his fist bump.

neil's hand now gets stuck in andrew's fist.

andrew blinks at their joined hands, promptly lets go of neil's fingers, and turns around to walk away. his teammates try to grab onto him to bring him back but like honestly most of them are laughing too hard to do anything

so the game continues as usual (with a little bit of teasing towards neil and andrew by their teammates)

and at the end of the game during the handshakes, one of the announcers says "minyard! josten! maybe figure out if it's handshake or fist bump beforehand this time!"

andrew internally flips off the cameras

(it's only not external because he knows aaron's kids are watching the game tonight and he is determined to be the more mature uncle out of him and neil)

so instead of making a fool of himself again, andrew decides to just nod at neil and walk away

no sooner than a second later though, he feels a bonk on his head. neil just bonked him. on the head. in front of millions of people.

he has to salvage his reputation so he puts his hands up in a threatening gesture and says something menacingly, but no one in the audience can hear what he says

all they see is andrew looking scary and neil... doubled over laughing

instantly, there are whispers going around the stadium about what happened, so neil's coach is like 'nah we aren't letting this kid do the pre and post-game interviews' — andrew had accounted for this in his attempt to rebuild his persona

so they try to sneak neil out the back, but what andrew hadn't accounted for was a sneaky reporter who catches sight of neil and asks loudly "what was andrew minyard saying to you on the court?"

neil smirks and draws up to his full height (which frankly, is still tiny enough for andrew to give kisses without too much strain. it was the ideal height gap, if anyone asked him. not that anyone was asking him this)

"well," neil said. "he said rock" — neil makes a fist bump — "paper" — he extends an arm out for a handshake — "and then... " — neil makes a scissor symbol — "snip snip motherfucker. we're cutting your hair when we get home."

"wait, you two live together— "

me: spends all my time immersing myself in the foxes' found family so i don't have to deal with my own dysfunctional family

also me: wonders why i don't have a good relationship with anyone in my house

w h a t. i was literally told like last week that it was only a california thing someone else in the us pls tell us what's going on bc i am CONFUSED 😭

an incomplete list of northern-californian andrew minyard shenanigans

he gets pissed if anyone asks him if he can surf

the beaches are cold and rocky and gross, no one wants to learn surfing up here

he's totally used to weird weather (a 90° day can have a 50° night) but he absolutely cannot stand extreme temperatures

anything above 100° is reason to riot, and anything below a 40-50° is a good excuse to stay under blankets the whole day

hot days are more common in the bay area than hail, and there's never any snow, so moving to south carolina was a slap in the face

"nicky, do i need more warm clothes or more summer clothes?"

"both, andrew. both."

"why do you not have normal weather systems? just pick one"

andrew literally always carries a jacket with him out of habit

in the south, weather can fluctuate every few days, whereas in california, the weather literally changes every hour and there's almost always a breeze in the bay area

it takes him a long time to realize that hot days in the south just... stay hot. no need for a jacket.

(he still usually has one on hand though. never hurts to be prepared)

san francisco is so. goddamn. boring.

he might not have been there very often as a foster kid, but living like 20 minutes away from it in oakland makes the city really lose its novelty

(also the sfo and oakland rivalry can get very passionate at times. he was just always destined to dislike san francisco)

unironically uses the word "hella." he didn't realize it was a californian thing until it accidentally slipped out in front of the foxes and he got some very confused (and gleeful) stares

andrew calls the two main parts of california "norcal" and "socal" (for northern california and southern california). he cannot for the life of him understand why everyone else is so confused

he has a sort of inherent dislike for socal. he may have literally never been there but... the vibes. he just can't stand them

(andrew refers to socal as "fake california" in his head, as many norcal people do)

honestly, he's a pretty environmental person (aside from the smoking). you really can't live in the bay area without being overly conscious about recycling and sustainability

(he'll constantly bully kevin into separating trash, recyclables, and compostables. kevin never had to do that in the nest but andrew? he's very particular about this.

"kevin. how can you say you're healthy when you're making the planet unhealthy?"

"it's really not that big of a deal—" "it is. shut up and recycle.")

andrew absolutely detests the "sunny, warm, beach" stereotype of california, seeing how inaccurate it is for most of the state

neil likes to joke that jeremy and andrew represent the two extremes of california — sunny and bright vs cold and cloudy

andrew does not find this funny

(okay, maybe a little)

the biggest shock he ever faced was that safeway (a grocery store) wasn't a nationwide chain

apparently it's just a california thing

"aaron, if tilda's not going to buy groceries, we will just go to safeway ourselves"

"andrew. there are no safeways here."

"... what"

"i was shocked too"

(it ends up being the first thing the twins bond over when they officially meet)

For the prompts - 16 and/or 23 and/or 19? (Andreil, of course)

you are in luck my friend because i'm sick of college apps so i'll just write a bit of all three !

16: "kissing knuckles"

23: "a hug that some might consider as ~too long~"

19: "peppering their face in kisses"

~

16.

So it turns out that punching a tree hurts a lot.

Neil would argue that it was worth it. Andrew seemed to disagree.

"Why," Andrew said flatly, inspecting Neil's split knuckles and glaring at him.

Neil considered — not lying, just... obscuring the truth — for a moment, but figured Andrew would see through it right away. "Technically, I did it for you."

"I do not recall ever asking you to punch a tree."

Neil huffed. "Well, you didn't but someone told me to, and I had to do it for you."

Andrew blinked slowly. "What."

Neil ran over the day's events. Honestly, it had started off pretty normal. He was walking back from a class, eager to see Andrew again, when he spotted a ball of white hiding in the arms of a student passing by it.

After staring at it for a few moments, he ran over (to a stranger!) and promptly asked if he could take a picture for his boyfriend.

The girl — Mara, she informed him — said sure, as long as he punched a tree.

Apparently, Neil explained to an increasingly annoyed Andrew, she was a Psych major doing a project on how far people were willing to go in order to act on their natural emotional response to cute animals. And of course, Neil wanted to show the furball to Andrew.

So he punched a tree. Which hurt.

"I'm fine though," Neil concluded. "I mean, it stings a bit and there's scratches everywhere and I can't really bend my fingers, but I'm fine."

Andrew huffed at him. "No."

"Here," Neil said after Andrew didn't explain further, shoving his phone towards him. "Appreciate the cat."

Andrew sighed as he looked at the picture, giving him an exasperated glance. "Junkie," he muttered, bringing Neil's hand up to plant a featherlight kiss on his injured knuckles.

Neil froze and gaped. His face felt unnaturally red. His fingers were tingling, he made a very squeaky voice, and he was probably staring a bit too much at Andrew.

"142%, idiot."

~

23.

Matthew Donovan Boyd was no fool.

Neil, though? The little guy had so little experience in the normal world, he was practically an infant (no short joke intended).

He knows that Andrew (probably) actually cares about Neil, but Matt's buddy sometimes forgets that not everyone outside of the original Foxes knows this.

This is why, as Matt casually walked with some freshman (Brian? Bradley? whatever) back from the store with bags of movie night snacks, he heard the kid's sharp intake of breath.

Matt's mother-hen instinct kicks in.

"What?" he asked frantically, dropping the bags. "Did you step on something? Did you trip? Did you see someone? Did— "

"Holy shit," Benjamin said emphatically. "Are Minyard and Josten... hugging? On the roof?"

Matt squinted at the striker. "That's what you freaked out about?"

"Look!" Bartholomew waved his hand around. "They've been hugging for at least a minute by now. I thought they hated each other?"

Wondering what he had done to deserve this, Matt ran a hand through his spiky hair. He probably shouldn't out Andrew and Neil, right? "Look kid. Toxic masculinity is not a good look."

"No, of course," Brandon bobbled his head. "Toxic masculinity is the worst. So not in style."

"... right," Matt agreed skeptically. "So, you know we all got pretty close last year—"

"Because of the murder stuff."

"Yes, the murder stuff. Anyways, hugging isn't uncommon between friends!"

"True," Benedict said slowly. "But they've been hugging for so long. More than what I would expect between just friends, if you get what I mean."

Matt ignored the weird eyebrow wiggle the freshman gave him and started picking up the dropped bags again. "That's... not really any of our business," he muttered, no matter how far in agreement he was with this young child.

There were a few moments of peaceful silence before Braxton's head jerked up.

"Oh gee. Hopefully they have socks on at least."

"What?"

"That way it's not gay! If they want it to not be gay, at least. Platonic hugs are valid though. Bad toxic masculinity! But gay people are just as valid— "

Matt let out a long-suffering groan. This was going to be a long year.

~

19.

Andrew was sick of Valentine's Day.

PDA-loving couples kissing everywhere, gooey movies playing on every channel, sappy love songs being blared on repeat by Nicky during weights — there seemed to be no positives.

He had already announced to Neil weeks earlier that he had no intention of celebrating this crass holiday, a proclamation that Neil thankfully agreed to. Instead, they took the relaxed evening after practice to be exceptionally productive: Neil went to the store and bought groceries, caught up on his homework, and took notes on two whole exy games.

Andrew took a three hour nap.

By the time Andrew groggily woke up, it was nearly 2 a.m.. Kevin was God-knows-where and he padded out of the room to find Neil staring unblinkingly at a muted TV, eyes glazed.

"Josten," Andrew grumbled and kicked him in the shin. "Get up, idiot."

Neil jerked awake with an uncharacteristic groan but begrudgingly agreed to be manhandled to the bathroom and finally to the bed so they could sleep.

Infuriatingly, Neil pointed out through a yawn that sleeping was all Andrew had done that whole evening. Andrew shut him up with a kiss and promptly flopped himself halfway on Neil's body.

Hours later, Andrew's eyes fluttered open at the light shining in through a window. He blinked a few times before registering a pair of piercing blue eyes gazing at him.

Andrew hated him. "308%, dumbass," he muttered into Neil's shoulder.

"Drama queen," Neil snorted. They lay in that position for a few minutes, Andrew moments from falling asleep again, before Neil tapped him on the arm.

"Drew, yes or no?" he asked. "Just kisses, though."

Andrew hummed a yes and leaned forward with his eyes still mostly shut, expecting to feel a pair of soft lips on his.

Instead, he felt a hand slap over his face and an oddly strong kick to his gut.

"What the fu—"

His sputtering was interrupted as hard pieces of... foil? began raining down on his face. He swatted them away, ignoring Neil's snickering. Finally, Andrew grabbed hold of one and his felt an exasperated frown cross his face.

"These," he said, waving the tiny cones in front of Neil's face. "are chocolates."

"Yup," Neil agreed proudly. "They're Kisses." At Andrew's blank look, Neil explained slowly, "I just covered your face in kisses."

"I got it."

"Great."

"I thought we agreed to not celebrate Valentine's Day."

"It's February 15 now. Not Valentine's Day."

"Neil Abram Josten."

"That's my name."

"Menace. Now give me an actual kiss, junkie."

BONUS:

"So!" Kevin clapped his hands. "You all need a lot of improvement if you want to be even close to presentable for Spring Championships, and we're already behind. We will not look like flailing monkeys in front of Jerem— USC, understood? Any questions?"

Neil raised his hand.

Kevin sighed. "Yes, Neil?"

"Just one quick thing," Neil said, rummaging his hands through his pockets. "Wanna kiss?"

The Foxes whipped their heads between an innocent Neil, a gaping Kevin, and an unconcerned Andrew.

"Is this like... a threesome thing?" Nicky whispered loudly to Matt.

"Wha— Josten, what the fuck?" Kevin's intolerable screeching promptly came to a halt as Neil chucked a silver projectile through the air, squarely hitting Kevin in the nose. "What is this?!"

"A Kiss."

"What— "

"I asked if you wanted a Kiss."

"No, you asked if I want to kiss. Which— no, by the way."

"Stop hitting on Neil, Day."

"Andrew, I literally wasn't— "

"Anyway. Wanna kiss again, Kevin?"

"NEIL!"

I was just thinking "I have so many things I would like to see written but I can't seem to write fanfics/ headcanons so I should just continue existing in misery with all these things unwritten" and then I read "my asks are always open if y'all have anything specific you want me to write !" at the end of your andreil and goodbye kisses series! That made me so happy!

aww this made my day 🥺i love getting asks from y'all and i hope i can do all your ideas justice!

neil: hoards bananas, oranges, apples, blueberries — basically every fruit imaginable

nicky: see?? i told you he was a bit fruity

OK UPDATE (for the mental state of me and @soulsupply): apparently there are 38! states in the US with no safeways, and south carolina has exactly 1. ONE SAFEWAY. which is permanently closed with a 1 star review and disowned by safeway. so. we are going to pretend that it doesn't exist for the sake of this hc

an incomplete list of northern-californian andrew minyard shenanigans

he gets pissed if anyone asks him if he can surf

the beaches are cold and rocky and gross, no one wants to learn surfing up here

he's totally used to weird weather (a 90° day can have a 50° night) but he absolutely cannot stand extreme temperatures

anything above 100° is reason to riot, and anything below a 40-50° is a good excuse to stay under blankets the whole day

hot days are more common in the bay area than hail, and there's never any snow, so moving to south carolina was a slap in the face

"nicky, do i need more warm clothes or more summer clothes?"

"both, andrew. both."

"why do you not have normal weather systems? just pick one"

andrew literally always carries a jacket with him out of habit

in the south, weather can fluctuate every few days, whereas in california, the weather literally changes every hour and there's almost always a breeze in the bay area

it takes him a long time to realize that hot days in the south just... stay hot. no need for a jacket.

(he still usually has one on hand though. never hurts to be prepared)

san francisco is so. goddamn. boring.

he might not have been there very often as a foster kid, but living like 20 minutes away from it in oakland makes the city really lose its novelty

(also the sfo and oakland rivalry can get very passionate at times. he was just always destined to dislike san francisco)

unironically uses the word "hella." he didn't realize it was a californian thing until it accidentally slipped out in front of the foxes and he got some very confused (and gleeful) stares

andrew calls the two main parts of california "norcal" and "socal" (for northern california and southern california). he cannot for the life of him understand why everyone else is so confused

he has a sort of inherent dislike for socal. he may have literally never been there but... the vibes. he just can't stand them

(andrew refers to socal as "fake california" in his head, as many norcal people do)

honestly, he's a pretty environmental person (aside from the smoking). you really can't live in the bay area without being overly conscious about recycling and sustainability

(he'll constantly bully kevin into separating trash, recyclables, and compostables. kevin never had to do that in the nest but andrew? he's very particular about this.

"kevin. how can you say you're healthy when you're making the planet unhealthy?"

"it's really not that big of a deal—" "it is. shut up and recycle.")

andrew absolutely detests the "sunny, warm, beach" stereotype of california, seeing how inaccurate it is for most of the state

neil likes to joke that jeremy and andrew represent the two extremes of california — sunny and bright vs cold and cloudy

andrew does not find this funny

(okay, maybe a little)

the biggest shock he ever faced was that safeway (a grocery store) wasn't a nationwide chain

apparently it's just a california thing

"aaron, if tilda's not going to buy groceries, we will just go to safeway ourselves"

"andrew. there are no safeways here."

"... what"

"i was shocked too"

(it ends up being the first thing the twins bond over when they officially meet)

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 7) ft. allison

parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 good lord why have i stretched this one concept out for so long skdflskj || part 8

allison thinks — nay, knows — that neil josten is just the cutest human being alive. certainly a badass. very threatening. will bite when provoked.

but still very cute. adorable. squish, if you will.

(also, have you seen those eyes??)

she likes to believe she is the mother hen of the newborn chick — the startled bambi — that is neil josten

and so, as an experienced, highly intellectual person, she... questions neil's taste in men

allison worries that andrew is just stringing neil along, ready to drop him whenever he pleases

(renee insists this is not the case, but what does renee know?)

anyways, allison concludes that andrew must be put to the test to confirm that he is good enough for her precious (and slightly rude) child

now, allison isn't one to perpetuate stereotypes, but andrew is a well-dressed gay man with plenty of experience in dressing up neil nicely

and, as the self-crowned queen of fashion, she knows that clothes can tell a lot about an individual

(for example, her clothes are wonderful, which means that she is flawless)

so allison decides that going clothes shopping with andreil (she cannot thank nicky enough for coming up with that ship name) is the only way to truly see if andrew is good enough for neil

so she plans. and one thursday evening, she corners andrew and neil and tells them what's going down

"neil. you and your boy— " "he's not my boy" "you and your boy will join me this saturday to go shopping at the mall. any questions?" "yes, actually— " "great, i'll see you then!"

to her surprise, andrew actually shows up with neil on saturday, twirling his car keys with a bored expression

"minyard. you are not driving"

"alright then. neil, let's go back to to bed"

"okay okay fine you can drive"

allison, with great dignity, regales herself to backseat passenger. at least this way she has a perfect view of the heart eyes transpiring between andrew and neil

(and if she sneaks in a couple of pictures of them — well, no one needs to know)

they finally reach the mall and allison is ready to start her sneaky observations

first: she spots a cute pink sweater in an egregiously bright shop window and drags neil inside, checking conspicuously if andrew follows him

he does

pleased, allison browses through the store, plucking the sweater she originally saw to try on later

after a little more looking, she emerges from the dressing room to show off the sweater to neil

"well neil? how do i look?"

"oh uh. pretty? andrew, how does she look?"

andrew sweeps an impassive gaze over her and promptly turns around without a word

allison is outraged. how dare he simply ignore neil! does he not think neil is important enough to respond to? does he not care at all? how can he just— oh

andrew returns with a pale blue sweater she had seemingly missed and throws it at her face

she goes back in to try it with a huff. surprisingly (and annoyingly), this one looks even better than the pink one did

she buys the blue one. but andrew's still on thin fucking ice

second: after the sweater fiasco, she leads andreil over to a shoe store. allison * very deliberately * walks through the men's footwear, hoping andrew will take notice of something he likes there for neil, before making her way to the women's section

she tries on a few sandals, showing them off to neil, and andrew wanders off in the middle of her runway strut

(she can't understand why. he might be gay, but surely he can still appreciate her legs, right?)

her questions are answered after andrew emerges from an aisle carrying a navy blue box, placing it in front of neil

neil stares at it. andrew kicks him in the shin

"oh am i supposed to wear it?"

andrew rolls his eyes and bends down, switching neil's old sneakers for a new pair of running shoes he found

allison nearly coos at the sight of the terrifying andrew minyard tying his boyfriend's shoelaces with such a focused look

neil loves the shoes. allison buys them for him. and maybe she approves of andrew just a little bit more

third: after a few more stores, allison is at the final stop of her experiment — clothes shopping for neil

she spends an agonizingly long hour searching for clothes neil might actually wear, but when she goes to give it to him, he's nowhere to be found

frantically, she combs through the store again, already thinking of private investigators to hire to find him

suddenly, allison spots his bright hair against the wall in the far corner of the store

she races over there, ready to give neil a piece of her mind for worrying her, until she sees what he's up to

he's kissing andrew. but it's not heavy making-out, it's not anything too explicit. it's just very adorable kissing

(allison has to bite back a laugh when she notices that andrew has to go on his toes to reach neil)

she goes to pull out her phone, but the clothes in her hand rustle, causing neil to glance her way

he winces at the massive pile of clothes, but presses a kiss to andrew's lips, then nose, before gingerly taking the clothes to try on

allison squints at andrew upon seeing the nose kiss. he scowls at her and promptly walks away in the direction neil left to

allison considers the sight she just saw. surely andrew wouldn't be willing to be so openly soft if he was just playing neil, right? right.

(damn, maybe renee did know some things after all)

allison gives a pleased smile — maybe andrew really is okay for neil — before suddenly remembering the bet that she's probably going to lose soon

but she doesn't mind losing some money anymore; she has plenty of it

all allison wants is for neil to be happy. and if andrew brings him happiness— well, she doesn't really understand neil's taste, but she supports it anyway

fuck. when did she get so soft?