Aftg Shitpost - Blog Posts

Still can't believe this is how Neil fucking Josten is based on...wow

Neil Josten

Neil Josten

so i forgot aaron grew up in california until he was thirteen so it stands to reason that him and andrew sound vaguely similar but i still imagine aaron to have that little southern twang about him because tilda is still from south carolina? they still grew up im completely different environments and i really dont see them sounding the same

something that really bugs me about aftg is when the twinyards switch places. but. they grew up on opposite ends of the country. they have different accents!!! andrew grew up in CALIFORNIA and aaron grew up in SOUTH CAROLINA.

like are they just really good at accents? does andrew put a little southern twang into his voice? does aaron put in hours trying to figure out andrews accent just to indulge andrews whims??? like thats so cute? why did they ever try to convince us they dont care about each other

something that really bugs me about aftg is when the twinyards switch places. but. they grew up on opposite ends of the country. they have different accents!!! andrew grew up in CALIFORNIA and aaron grew up in SOUTH CAROLINA.

like are they just really good at accents? does andrew put a little southern twang into his voice? does aaron put in hours trying to figure out andrews accent just to indulge andrews whims??? like thats so cute? why did they ever try to convince us they dont care about each other

Andrew saying this and proceeding to get walked like a dog for the next two books is deeply funny to me

The Great Kevin Day Pregnancy Scare of 2009. Too much post-game sex plus not enough contraceptive equal the Foxes game bus having to detour on their trip home in order for Kevin to buy Plan B. Embarrassment for the ages and Wymack can’t look Kevin, Andrew, or Neil in the eyes for months.

I keep thinking about the Foxes taking a camping trip and learning that they can never take Neil Josten into the woods. He will 100% regress into a survivalist and Andrew is no help because watching Neil make his own tools to chop down a tree is not something Andrew Minyard is going to stop. Not when he can watch.

“You still don’t know how to sort your wash properly but you’ve domesticated a turkey.” - Allison Probably.

I don't generally do sportball so in light of the realization that a professional team having multiple coaches who each specialize in one area is the norm, it's honestly no wonder everyone gave the foxes so much flack.

Nora says USC has 4 coaches and 3 assistants for 29 players. That's a coach to player ratio of 1 to 4.

The foxes, on the brink of getting disqualified for not having enough players, were at 1 to 8. And we know the year after that it jumped to 1 to 15. The disparity is HUGE.

It's no wonder Wymack was getting so much flack. That's not just being optimistic, thats a vanity project.

I can't imagine what other college coaches were saying behind his back.

I can imagine what they said to each other when the foxes won the championships.

AFTG Headcannons!

i'm currently rereading the books and i thinking about the foxes and i just need some fluff in my life.

· First Andrew and his Arms TM. How much he lifts in the gym is notable enough for Neil to point it out. He could out-lift anyone on the foxes and anyone on his new team post graduation. Which is incredibly funny to think about because he's literally 5 foot. Horribly unbalanced. Neil wants to lick his biceps.

· Every one of the foxes has seen andriel making out on the roof. Aaron is scarred for life. Kevin wishes they would spend that time on the court. Nicky has to be restrained so he doesn't take a picture to send to Allison. Wymack heaves a long suffering sigh. Why did the universe set him up with these idiots?

· Neil thinks of half his comebacks in advance. the other half is adapted from his pre-existing list. He talks so much shit in his head he just starts writing it down. Neil is a planner. Andrew also knows about this list. Sometimes Neil writes them down for him to give his critiques.

· Andrew and Aaron learn to fight like normal brothers eventually. Imagining those boys bickering like siblings breaks me in half.

· Aaron has a stage where he dyes his hair brown for like a couple months. He didn't ask for twin, did he? Him and Andrew don't talk much during this little rebellion.

· The foxes actually call drunk Kevin "Kevin Night". I saw a post about Kevin Night being all about destroying his liver and safe to say that is the funniest thing i have ever seen in this fandom. It's a running gag among the foxes and you'll Never Guess who started it. (nicky)

· When Andrew and Neil both eventually quit smoking, Neil takes to drawing all over Andrew's hand to curb his cravings, and somehow it spirals into him sketching on his arms, legs and torso and months later, under his armbands. But it all comes to a head years later when Andrew wakes up with a fox paw on his ass. Neil can't show his neck in public for months.

· One morning after a particularly bad nightmare, instead of Andrew hitting out, it was Neil. Andrew has a bloody nose by the end of it and Neil has never felt worse. More proof that he's nothing, that he's not worthy of the foxes, that all he can do is hurt, because oh god He Hurt Andrew- Andrew puts a stop to it as soon as he isn't dripping blood all over the carpet. Healing isn't linear, junkie.

· Once Andrew gets to the stage where he's ok with hickeys, Neil suddenly can't leave enough of them. If the foxes didn't know better, they would tease the hell out of him but sometimes their self preservation instincts get the better of them. Often, much the Aaron's disgust, the place bets on how many bruises will be on his neck the morning after. Renee refuses to bet on principle.

· Allison teaching Neil to dress himself and taking him on their weekly shopping dates. I just love the idea of it so much. The freshmen thinking they're dating because of it. Allison dressing Neil to kill, for Andrew's sake. Almost all the clothes she buys him end up on the floor afterwards. Allison teaching Neil to do eyeliner. Neil with getting a matching helix piercing with Allison. Everyone dies a little once they see it. Matt drools a little.

· As Neil becomes more up to date with his flirting skills, he realises that "Doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is literally the most insane this to say during a conversation. He teases Andrew mercilessly and Andrew does that thing where he blushes with his ears and snogs the life out of Neil. He doesn't believe in regret but even he isn't immune to Neil's particular brand of wind-up.

i dont believe for a second anyone actually thought andrew was straight. HOW did they explain andrew disappearing into the back of a club with their favourite gay bartender every friday... in this essay i will

Allison 100% can speak French and just doesn't say anything because she loves the drama neil and kevin say when they think no one can understand them

Ok just imagine: the twinyards with albinism. For no reason other than that Neil's commentary would be just that bit funnier.

"No, but I would ask coach why your pale ass isn't on drugs"

"No wonder you both wear black all the time, I'd hate to see you two burn"

Neil pointing at white face paint in the Halloween store: Hey Andrew, it's your shade.

They match ghost costumes on halloween without realising and then next year they're both vampires. They learn to coordinate after that.

Just like... the twinyards but the odds are even more physically stacked against them. That is all.

I love you and you are the light of my life

when neil was going to save andrew at the hemmick's house, he knew exactly what kind of wood the door was, and how easy it would be to break through. that's what kind of guy he is. neil doesn't win fights, but he is damn good at a getaway. this is a really good example about how all of neil's knowledge is really selective because of his upbringing. we need more survivalist neil because he shows all these traits in the books, another example is when he hitchhiked from columbia to palmetto. please stop ignoring this because i want to see batshit insane neil on the run fics right now thx

can we talk about Marissa asking for Neil's number?? why was that interaction so unhinged?

Marissa; can i have your number?

Neil: what for?

Marissa, twitching: you're pretty interesting

Neil in his head: andrew andrew andrew

Neil: foxes or nothin it is what it is

Nicky: jesus neil play nice

Neil: I support women's rights

Dan nodding in the background: yes, this is good.

Renee: good she's gone, can i be your date?

Neil: meh sure

Matt: Ouch! Neil you homewrecker, first andrew's car then his woman...

and then they just... walked back to the dorms. just another day with the foxes.

Nicky calling Kevin "as bratty as they come" uhhhh bitch no. Kevin is literally a mother hen. He's literally threatened Neil to take care of himself and prioritise his health! Kevin is a little worrier and cares about all of his fox babies at heart ok ?

Neil as a conversation i had with my friends

Andrew, amused: and where does the pope live?

Neil immediately: Venice.

Aaron wheezing: Fucking WHAT?

Neil: No no wait... the VatiCAN

Kevin, visibly distraught: Neil... can you not pronounce the Vatican??

Neil: ....sure.

My religion is kevin offering to watch neil so he can drink on thanksgiving. In french. And then nicky going "omg neil is making the face kevin can be nice?????!?!??!" Which is hilarious because it implies that Neil really isn't as stone cold as he thinks, and he basically canonically reacts like a deer in headlights whenever someone does ANYTHING remotely nice for him.

matt: oh neil i bought this soda i know you like when i went to the store earlier

neil:

GOD he was such a windup i LOVE HIM

most neil moments of all time collection:

calling kevin a deadweight has been and immediately running way

"whatd you do, run here?" "walked. 😐"

you know, i get it

telling bee the rest of the team is mental... baby girl look in the mirror

getting a pair of nice new boots from andrew and immediately imagining what it would be like to kick his face in

upending a glass of water on the floor and then throwing it at aaron

paying a bus boy $100 to knock him out

being told to keep his phone on and immediately turning it off after hanging up

shoving andrews hand up his shirt in front of like half a dozen people

learning andrew is afraid of heights and being like well if it makes you feel better it's more likely you'll die in a car accident than a plane crash :)

in the middle of getting kidnapped and telling lola she looks like a strung out whore

"are you stupid?" "yeah."

when the girl asks for his number and he's like what for 😐.

i have a bit of an attitude problem.

you're going to eat those words and you're going to choke on them.

"you plan on wearing the same six outfits over and over again this year?" "eight. and yes. 😑"

picking up andrews old cigarette and taking a drag while making eye contact with him on the roof from the ground and doing his two finger salute. HUGE fag moment.

Kevin and Thea met when they were 14 and 18, respectively. How did a romance spark between them with a four year difference? I mean like... did she not just see some gross spotty kid with delusions of grandeur???

still not over how when renee said andrew wasn't into her because she's a woman, neil's first reaction was "OH so Andrew And Kevin-" bro like kandrew was so obvious even in the books like. neil you're right babe!! they were supposed to be together once upon a time! an absolutely traumatic conversation for this wee boy because!! then she hits neil with the "kevin has a girlfriend" GOD i'd die if i was him.

PLEASE I implore you to read whole "doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" conversation to the chorus of Closer by Nine Inch Nails. That is all.

Here's your daily reminder that Neil canonically refers to the twins as "pint-sized" on Halloween

can we talk about how exy courts have no fucking nets. there are just squares painted on the fucking plexiglass. but the squares aren't just squares- no no my friend... THE SQUARES LIGHT UP? why are the goals just light up sketchers??? is there even walls on an exy court like in ice hockey? or is it just clear all the way down? i HATE THIS STUPID BASTARD SPORT. nora please come back from the dead ten years later just to explain the full logistics of the exy court. pls and thx

NEIL YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD. after nicky's little info dump about he felt like erik was strong enough for nicky to lean on for hours without him breaking a sweat, neil thinks about how he feels there is no one strong enough to shoulder his problems. except andrew. andrew stood his ground instead of being horrified at the truth. AND THEN IMMEDIATELY DISREGARDS IT WITH- and i quote- "but that didnt count, because andrew was andrew" NEIL YOU'RE HAVING GAY THOUGHTS LESS THAN HALFWAY THROUGH TRK SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP

i literally DIED when that girl was trying to get his number. girllll you dodged the biggest fucking bullet. that bullet being one andrew minyard, the butcher of baltimore and the moriyama crime family

hc that one day the upperclassmen bring up neil/marissa Incident while andrew is in hearing distance. the whole story is retold, complete with reenactments and typical fox dramatics as they howl at neil’s reaction to this poor girl just trying to get his number. 

importantly, this is the first and only time the other foxes see two things from andrew: ONE (1). how close he is to laughing at the absurdity of the entire story, of marissa being so silly, of neil being obtuse as a goose (but that’s ANDREW’S obtuse goose, tyvm), and generally the concept of neil not comprehending someone’s advances and TWO (2). how close he is to expressing real regret… regret that he wasn’t there in person to witness this glorious moment, of seeing someone else suffer from neil’s utter lack of awareness that andrew thought only he had to endure, of not seeing neil’s face and hearing his voice as he told marissa ‘i wouldn’t call you’. the ONLY time the upperclassmen see andrew that close to these emotions he claims not to feel.

AFTG Headcannons!

i'm currently rereading the books and i thinking about the foxes and i just need some fluff in my life.

· First Andrew and his Arms TM. How much he lifts in the gym is notable enough for Neil to point it out. He could out-lift anyone on the foxes and anyone on his new team post graduation. Which is incredibly funny to think about because he's literally 5 foot. Horribly unbalanced. Neil wants to lick his biceps.

· Every one of the foxes has seen andriel making out on the roof. Aaron is scarred for life. Kevin wishes they would spend that time on the court. Nicky has to be restrained so he doesn't take a picture to send to Allison. Wymack heaves a long suffering sigh. Why did the universe set him up with these idiots?

· Neil thinks of half his comebacks in advance. the other half is adapted from his pre-existing list. He talks so much shit in his head he just starts writing it down. Neil is a planner. Andrew also knows about this list. Sometimes Neil writes them down for him to give his critiques.

· Andrew and Aaron learn to fight like normal brothers eventually. Imagining those boys bickering like siblings breaks me in half.

· Aaron has a stage where he dyes his hair brown for like a couple months. He didn't ask for twin, did he? Him and Andrew don't talk much during this little rebellion.

· The foxes actually call drunk Kevin "Kevin Night". I saw a post about Kevin Night being all about destroying his liver and safe to say that is the funniest thing i have ever seen in this fandom. It's a running gag among the foxes and you'll Never Guess who started it. (nicky)

· When Andrew and Neil both eventually quit smoking, Neil takes to drawing all over Andrew's hand to curb his cravings, and somehow it spirals into him sketching on his arms, legs and torso and months later, under his armbands. But it all comes to a head years later when Andrew wakes up with a fox paw on his ass. Neil can't show his neck in public for months.

· One morning after a particularly bad nightmare, instead of Andrew hitting out, it was Neil. Andrew has a bloody nose by the end of it and Neil has never felt worse. More proof that he's nothing, that he's not worthy of the foxes, that all he can do is hurt, because oh god He Hurt Andrew- Andrew puts a stop to it as soon as he isn't dripping blood all over the carpet. Healing isn't linear, junkie.

· Once Andrew gets to the stage where he's ok with hickeys, Neil suddenly can't leave enough of them. If the foxes didn't know better, they would tease the hell out of him but sometimes their self preservation instincts get the better of them. Often, much the Aaron's disgust, the place bets on how many bruises will be on his neck the morning after. Renee refuses to bet on principle.

· Allison teaching Neil to dress himself and taking him on their weekly shopping dates. I just love the idea of it so much. The freshmen thinking they're dating because of it. Allison dressing Neil to kill, for Andrew's sake. Almost all the clothes she buys him end up on the floor afterwards. Allison teaching Neil to do eyeliner. Neil with getting a matching helix piercing with Allison. Everyone dies a little once they see it. Matt drools a little.

· As Neil becomes more up to date with his flirting skills, he realises that "Doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is literally the most insane this to say during a conversation. He teases Andrew mercilessly and Andrew does that thing where he blushes with his ears and snogs the life out of Neil. He doesn't believe in regret but even he isn't immune to Neil's particular brand of wind-up.

does he cut a square out of the middle? or does he make it triangular so it looks like a regular slice? or hell, does he just cut a circle out of the middle and steal the core of the cake? (i can totally see him doing that)

re: this post

andrew does all three because he’s an Asshole™ and likes to mix things up, but his favourite is the 3rd bc it causes the most outrage :)

can we agree that neil absolutely flexed when he dragged andrew’s hand under his shirt? and can we also agree that while andrew was definitely interested in the scars, he also 100% let his hand linger on neil’s flexed abs? ok thanks

okay you know what, andrew may have killed his mom but at least he’s a generous tipper. murder? excusable. tipping 5% at a restaurant? well now we’re gonna have to excuse another murder

wymack: sign with my team

neil: strANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER