I Have Replaced The Dragons In Skyrim With The State Of Ohio.

Adventure: Enter the Vivlioklasm 

“I’ll tell you something for nothing” said the old wizard, leaning back in her well worn reading chair. “ The power of our station is gained through the acquisition of knowledge and cultivated through understanding. Archmage Jovenal never understood the later, and it led him and the dozens of fool apprentices that chased his horde to the same sad fate. Trapped like a begger in a golden tomb: surrounded by all they could ever want, but with no way to use it.” 

Setup: Rumors among knowledge seekers  and bibliophiles speak of an infinite library, A scriptographic cornucopia  somewhere in the astral plane that contains every though ever consigned to page. Those venturing across planer barriers in search of a multi-dimensional archive invariably return disapointed, having found what amounts to the back room of an ill-managed bookshop, distorted in scale until it reached the size of a city, complete with districts, castles, slums and canals all full of muchabused volumes.  The place is a maestrom of loose pages and flying volumes, constantly being piled and repiled in different configurations. 

Said to contain coppies of every text to have ever existed, the Viivliokasm contains no accurate maps, guides, or filing systems, with volumes tossed about randomly, buried beneith mountians of other mismatched texts, or used as some architectural flourish in the city’s ever changing layout. Most astral explorers know that finding a useful tome, let alone a singular instance of a DESIRED tome is impossible and leave the search to the immortal and foolishly overambitious. 

Adventure Hooks:

Working for a loremaster, the party seeks a book of prophecies that can help them to evade a great disaster. Entering into the most dangerous dungeon they’ve ever delved, their sacrifices and trials come to naught as the tome in question has rotted away into barely legible scraps. Knowing that there is one last “hail Ioun” option, the loremaster equips them with a tracking spell and sets them on a path towards a portal to the Vivlioklasm

A lich and an angel have taken up residence in neighboring boroughs of the book-made city, intent on bringing order to the chaos. The two rivals send minions to steal volumes to one anotehr as they work on increasingly elaborate ( and non-compatible) filing systems. Can the players break the stalemate, or perhaps even negotiate a peace between the two?  it may be only a drop in the bucket, but in a few millennia their organization may turn the Vivlioklasm into a usable resource.

By Chance, the party comes into possession of an absolute rarity, a magically enhanced map that charts the location of a series of valuable books and the shifting hallways that hide them. Sadly, these hallways lay in “the burning stacks”, which is where the arcane servitors that maintain the Vivlioklasm place those books that invariably catch fire in the sprawling chaos of the libric-city. As the books themselves are astral constructs, they don’t completely burn away, instead piling atop one another as kindling in an everburning cathedral reminiscent of something out of hell. Coincidentally, the party acquires the map from a group of demonic cultists. could they have competition in retrieving these rare volumes?  

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Hey you know what sucks is predatory companies that make you enter your email address so that they can harass and advertise to you to access resources you might need to keep track of expenses after a disaster. So, uh, fuck them.

If you need to track the cost of things like hotel stays, pet kenneling, medical care, etc. after a disaster you can use this worksheet.

If you need to create an inventory of your home for an insurance claim (and if you'd like to do this to keep someplace safe before a disaster) you can use this worksheet (two pages, instructions on the first page, worksheet on the second).

And here's a FEMA document with numbers for disaster relief groups and a checklist of documents that you may need to have replaced as well as a description of what to do if you had cash in your home that was destroyed and can possibly be replaced.

glorious without context

I LOVE SPELLS AND I LOVE TO FUCK

GOTTA SLEEPING CAP ON AND IM IN MY TRUCK

WORK ALL DAY JUST EARNING CENTS

CROSS ME AGAIN AND YOULL GET BENTS

“WIZARD’S RAP!”

the ‘uh oh you found the toothpaste’ meme but its the g-man from half-life

“seems, like you’ve found the toothpaste, dr. freeman. now let’s get this clear, gordon. i, can brush, my teeth, all by myself. hmm?”

*gravity gun violence*

After over a year of work, it's finally here: my biggest (and I think best) project ever, the cultist class!

Note: This is a preview of the class. You can access the full version by pledging to me on patreon or you can also purchase the PDF directly via dmsguild!

The etymology of the interjection pog is so insane like:

1. People are saying "pog" because there is a twitch emote named pogchamp

2. It's called pogchamp because the face of the emote is this guy:

3. who is a youtuber and streetfighter player who made this face on a video because of a production mishap and later won a competition of the game Pog for which he made a video titled "Pog Championship" that featured this face

4. Pog is a game also referred to as "milk caps" where you stack disks and slam your disks into your opponent's stack to disrupt them. They look like this:

5. The game is called pog because it is commonly played with novelty bottle caps from a drink also called POG

6. The drink is called POG because it's an initialism for its ingredients passion fruit, orange, and guava

7. Passion fruit is native to South America and got its name because Portuguese missionaries used its five-part shape as an allegory for Jesus's stigmata to explain the crucifixion of Christ to the Brazilian natives

8. The word passion comes from the Latin patior which means "I suffer" in reference to the suffering of Christ on the cross

9. The Indo-European root of patior has been reconstructed as *peh- "to hurt" which is cognate with English fiend

this one goes out to all the gay people which i have not kissed yet. i am coming. i am rapidly approaching your location