Afterglow Loop - Blog Posts

UNKNOWN 

Ever so carelessly, you ignore my entire 

Being and destroy thoughtless opinions 

Of me. Even so, I continue to pest and 

Cause thunder to boom inside of your head. 

Those wilted flowers will caress your legs

And with one uneasy smile, I admire you

Those thorns wither and twist around 

Your arms. I will not scold, I behold your 

Truth. 

And when it’s over, I’ll give you a cold hug. 

For I am the lurking shadow,

I am the unheard footsteps and the candles 

That flicker as you rest. 

My crown will never falter, 

For I am death. 

WINTER

The grey skies take over, fuzziness endures 

Staying by the fire could be helpful 

Just don’t mourn over the storm;

As you sit, gazing at the warm fire

You know you are still cold 

From the protection of  The lonely winter.

. TREES

A bare witness, 

A bare wilderness

Naked but not free 

Been used from time and time again 

Taken for granted 

Tossed to the side when there’s nothing 

Left  Not even a thank you.

MOONS 

Tale of two moons, the one in the sky 

And the one in the sea, and 

That’s the way it’ll always be 

Heart to heart

Eye to eye 

Hands apart, and then  They slowly pry

I feel sick. Again. Not in control. Again. 

Shaken, misplaced, irregular 

I have all the words ready to spew out from my faucet, 

But they won’t come out, not right now, 

And not right. Just jumbled word vomit that smells like grief, aching, and anxiety. 

My insides feel all torn up. 

All messed up. 

Just like my mind. 

I’m currently trying to find out if I’m even alive. 

This stupid ringing in my ear, 

This stupid voice in my head, 

This stupid way that I look at him. 

Pushing my feelings aside. No longer shoving them down his throat, just my fingers that he loves to suck. 

My body that he loves to touch. 

My body that is hard for me to touch. 

Looking around to see others wanting me but I’m not sure if I even want myself anymore. 

Cause he used to want me in a way that made my heart fucking flutter. He used to want me in a way that proclaimed love was real. 

I promised to put myself first. 

I promised to love myself. 

I used to put myself first. 

I used to love myself more than I loved anyone else. 

I met him and fell down a landslide. 

Is it me wanting to get pleasure because it’s so easily accessible, or is it me wanting to get pleasure to erase those feelings, to take me to an out-of-body experience, to just make my brain empty and my body full? I want to be loved, and I want to be cared for. By him. But it’s not possible, not right now, perhaps not ever, just not in the way that I love and care for him. So I’m putting myself first. I will be organized, I will be on time, I will take my medication, I will make my bed and do yoga and see friends. I will have sex for pleasure and to fill that void. I believe that love just isn’t on the menu for me right now. Not right now. I know it will come, I vow it too. But I stop my beckoning. I hold off on the searching and the begging. I’m young. It’s about me.