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1 year ago

both kyle and cartman joined the debate club in high school. kyle thought it would help him with his public speaking skills and improve his critical thinking, meanwhile cartman was just looking for an opportunity to release the anger and stress he had and fucking destroy someone in a verbal fight.

and – uh-oh, such a coincidence – they both joined it at the same time without knowing it.

kyle was obviously pissed off, and he was actually thinking of quitting, because the idea of spending school hours arguing with cartman didn’t really seem appealing to him, but eventually his pride wouldn’t let him simply give up.

“I can be in any club I want, and I won’t let Cartman fucking ruin it for me! You’ll see, dude, he’ll drop out in one or two meetings when I absolutely win him in a debate!” as he then explained to stan.

kyle was preparing for the first debate harder than for any of his normal school activities. he would spend nights perfecting his reasoning and making a plan for his speech, until he was absolutely sure cartman had zero chances to win.

the theme was something controversial like, i’m not sure, politics or something, and kyle was totally sure that cartman would come unprepared, because he hates anything homework-like, and he ususally prefers improvising.

he was wrong, though, as cartman has been preparing. he entered the classroom with a small stack of papers with his reasoning on them, he was smiling brightly and joking, and kyle for the first time felt insecure about his skills. he felt rather nervous as he knew that cartman’s charisma and the ability to tell lies in the blink of his eye made kyle look worse in a debate, but he still hoped the teacher had some common sense and wouldn’t let cartman blind them with his confident smiles and fake politeness.

but the nervous anxious feeling in kyle’s chest wouldn’t go away, so when cartman started speaking, kyle couldn’t just stay quiet, sighing irritatedly when cartman said things like “violence is bad”. as kyle knew damn well that’s not what cartman actually thought.

so when the debate was coming to its end and cartman was giving another hypocritical speech, kyle just couldn’t be silent anymore, interrupting cartman with his new counter arguments (and adding some insults as well). cartman, of course, lost his temper too, and the constructive discussion instantly became a heated bickering. teachers tried to stop it but when kyle and cartman are fighting literally nothing can distract them.

cartman: Look, capitalism is just the natural way of things. It's the perfect system, without it everything would fall apart!

kyle: How can you be sooo blind and ignorant to everything?! Capitalism breeds inequality, it's the reason behind a lot of problems in our society, you just don't know it because you haven't experienced all the struggles, you fat privileged fuck!

cartman: Oh, I’m privileged?? Well, you’re just a whiny jew who can't handle the truth. You're just jealous your greedy ass can't make money yourself!

kyle: Shut up, Cartman, I’m warning you!

after a few antisemitic-fatphobic-homophobic slurs they were both kicked out and banned from entering the club again.

they both seemed disappointed and annoyed by it, but cartman had a smug smirk on his face, feeling proud of making kyle mad.

they wouldn’t stop their fight though, arguing all the way back home, without being pressured or watched, and kyle caught himself thinking that arguing with cartman is pretty, well, addicting and he might actually be enjoying it.

at the end they decided it’s a tie, and for the goodbye cartman says something like “Well, you’re annoying as fuck, but I gotta hand it to you, you’re good at debating. Who even needs that stupid club, anyway?”

and kyle smiles, nodding. “Next week, the same time” he says already walking away from Cartman.

and they meet again, choosing a topic and preparing for the debate by themselves because they don’t need a club to argue with each other.


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