Ancient Aliens - Blog Posts

If the Ancient Aliens/Ancient Astronauts theory is true, then aliens must really hate white people

Why do Ancient Astronaut theorists act like Machu Picchu is thousands of years old? Like bro, Cristopher Columbus was born around the same time it was built. What are you gonna tell me next, that the Villa Medici in Fiesole, Italy was built by aliens?

And that's not even touching the racist undertones that surround ancient alien conspiracy theories. Ugh.

Attack of the starlit ones

Apocalypse bingo LETS GOOO

https://www.tumblr.com/shroomiethefrogwhisperer/759080545219198976/humans-are-crazy?source=share

It’s a pretty average day aboard the ship. Karen is high off her ass, Moss is trying to make friends with the feral ratbirds that live in the pipes, and Steve is trying to teach Bastier (the newest crew member) how to juggle.

Zzgnaru walks through the ship with a deep sense of satisfaction. None of the humans have said anything weird lately, nothing’s caught on fire for weeks, and Karen’s almost out of drugs. That won’t be a problem at all in a few days!

As xey pass the common room, xey hear Steve talking to his boyfriend, Josh, and Bastier. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna buy a few new skins. My current one feels kinda lame.”

Zzgnaru immediately feels like xey’ve heard something xey weren’t supposed to. Xey retreat to the bridge, where Moss and Karen sit with Amethyst (a Penaconian), Douri (an Aaki), and Banana, Moss’ current situationship, braiding each other’s hair. Karen takes one look at xir face, and excuses herself.

“Zzgnaru, hon, what’s up?” She asks, walking with xem through the corridors. “I heard Steve tell Josh and Bastier that he was going to purchase some flesh,” xey explain. Karen gives him a confused look, and asks, “Do you remember exactly what they said? Because Steve doesn’t strike me as a serial killer or a dude who’d like human taxidermy.”

Zzgnaru thinks for a moment, and then says, “I believe that he said he was going to ‘buy some new skins.’ Josh and Bastier seemed to think this was completely normal.” Karen stops, and just stares at him for a second. Then she bursts into laughter. “Oh, Zzgnaru, bae, they were talking about video games. ‘Skin’ is slang for the outfit your character is wearing. It’s not actual flesh,” she crows. Zzgnaru sighs in relief. “Thank the universe. I thought I was going to have to call in the authorities.”

Karen just laughs harder. “You know you wouldn’t. I mean, I’m literally in possession of highly illegal drugs all the time, Moss is a stalker, and Amethyst and Banana have blackmailed almost everyone on our ship- and others- at least once.”

Zzgnaru sighs in resignation. She’s right, though. Xey’re not about to sell out xir crewmates.