Crack Fic - Blog Posts

ALPINE PLEASE AOSNSKDNDKDNFKFN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS SO FUNNY I LOVE IT

Alpine's Diary Entries...

This is utter crack. I fully blame and joyfully credit @navybrat817, @late-to-the-party-81, @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky and @sunshinebuckybarnes for the chaos you're about to read. This is unedited... godspeed.

I'm sorry...

As told by Alpine...

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Day 284...

It's been nearly a year since the man with the hard arm saved me from those scary dogs in the alley. We have seemed to form some kind of kinship since he brought me home. Other humans call him "Bucky"... I have no clue what kind of name that is, but I accept it. He and other humans call me Alpine. I have no clue what it is, but they are happy when I respond to it... if I feel like responding to it. This morning was typical, crawl out of their bed, go sit on Bucky's head to wake him up for food. He has a box that makes noise to wake him up, but like always, I am too hungry before the sound box makes any noise. He grumbles in his language and sounds like he’s bothered by me waking him - the man should be grateful that I even give him attention in mornings and in the evenings when I allow him to stretch out and lay on my big comfy bed in the living room, watching moving pictures in the electric box.

Day 285...

The other human Bucky calls "Doll" is here and they kicked me out of the bedroom... again. I do not understand their reason, but every time she comes out of the bedroom, she looks disheveled, walks funny, and has a unique scent about her. I've yet to figure it out. The only time I witnessed anything, I jumped on the bed once, and saw Bucky bathing her between her legs. It must have been during some kind of intense prayer ritual because she kept yelling "Oh God!"... humans are weird. I will never understand their practices. After that, I was banned from the room during those prayer times. I am surprised at how frequently they pray... mornings... afternoons... nights, and they can pray for hours. I will admit, sometimes, the sounds that come from the room can be... disturbing... my ancestors in Egypt were the ones being worshiped - why am I not part of this?! I may never understand.

Day 286...

I still have not figured out why all humans don't have hard arms. I am able to scratch, claw, nibble, and bite at Bucky's hard arm, but his fleshy one, he winces in pain, says things in an upset tone, and picks me up (which I tolerate sometimes) to move me. He walked in on me napping on Doll's chest today while she was napping - I was protecting her because he seems so fond of her. He had this dopey smile on his face and said something in his language that I still cannot understand while he gave me a few scratches behind my ears. It seemed happy because of the tone, however I do appreciate the care of *shaking food sound* ooh! Is that food? *sniffs* THAT'S FOOD - OMG THAT'S FOOD.

Here's just a little sneak peek at the fun and amazing work of art that is called...

Airwaves Unscripted (PapaMic) by Chimera_Regarion on WP!

It's crack and it's beautiful and you should definitely go read it right this second- ANYWAY on to it...

****************************************************

(Izuku Midoriya's POV)

"-and I swear, if I see one more hero posting a 'thoughts and prayers' tweet after doing jack shit to fix the problem, I'm gonna lose my mind." I say, drumming my fingers against the desk.

"Oh-ho, careful, Zuzu!" Dad snickers. "You're gonna make all the corporate heroes cry into their brand sponsorships!"

"Oh no, whatever shall they do? Maybe wipe their tears with the stacks of cash they made off merchandise while ignoring the civilians suffering right outside their shiny-ass agencies?*" I lean into the mic, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm just a kid, what do I know?"

"You know too much," Dad sighs dramatically. "Society's golden boy, how dare you think critically?"

"I know, I should be grateful!" I throw a hand up. "Look at me, a student at U.A., the peak of all human existence, training under heroes who definitely, absolutely, 100% never screw up or fail anyone! Right, Dad?"

Dad snorts, trying to hold in his laughter. "Oh, absolutely. Heroes are always perfect, and the system has zero flaws."

"Exactly!" I gesture wildly. "*Clearly, those people who get ignored, overlooked, or outright abandoned just didn't try hard enough. If they wanted help, they should've been conveniently located near a hero who was having a good day!"

Dad claps his hands. "And let's not forget the golden rule: If you're not 'hero material, then society's just not built for you! That's your fault, obviously!"

"Mmm, yes, let's talk about that!" I tap the mic. "my new brother, who totally doesn't hate my guts-hi, by the way! spent his entire childhood being told he's villainous because his quirk is scary. Meanwhile, I-quirkless, useless, disposable-got the same treatment but for a different reason. Because society loves picking favorites.*"

Dad hums. "It's almost like... the system is designed to benefit a select few while leaving the rest to rot?*"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful now, Dad." I gasp. "That almost sounded like criticism! We can't have that! You're a pro hero! What if people start thinking for themselves?!"

"Perish the thought!"

"Exactly!" I slam my hands down. "Heroes are the good guys, and if you dare question anything about them, you must be anti-hero or pro-villain! Those are the only two options, right?"

Dad dramatically wipes a fake tear. "It's so simple when you put it like that, Zuzu."

"I try." I smirk. "Wouldn't wanna burden people with nuance or critical thinking. That's dangerous, you know."

"Super dangerous."

We both pause. The silence lingers for a second, stretching just long enough to be uncomfortable.

Because it's not really a joke.

We mean every word.

"Anyway," I shake my head, breaking the moment. "Let's move on before we accidentally wake up the morality police. What's next?"

Dad glances at his notes. "Ooooh, this one's fun! 'Heroes with their own energy drinks-a discussion on capitalism, branding, and selling out!"

I groan. "Oh, kill me now."

Dad cackles. "Buckle up, partner, it's gonna be a wild ride!"

****************************************************

... Please go read it, it's crack and I'm living for it

ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴛᴏ ʀᴏᴀᴅ ᴛʀɪᴘ

ᴀ ʏᴛᴛᴅ ʀᴏᴀᴅ ᴛʀɪᴘ

ᴄᴀʀ ɪ - ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀᴄᴅᴏɴᴀʟᴅꜱ

"Are we ready to go?" Shin shouts as the kids gather up into the car.

It was summer vacation so they were visiting Universal Studios. Sara sat in the passenger seat, Joe in the back with Kanna, and Gin in the middle. Kugie was staying back at home, she couldn't miss her threapy appointment. Since she was staying home, she could take care of the pets.

"Do we have everything?" He asked Sara.

She nodded.

"Let's hit the road-"

"I need to pee!" Gin shouts and hops out of the car.

He comes back after a few minutes.

"Now let's go-"

"I need to go to!" Kanna says and quickly gets out.

"I swear to-"

"Brb!" Joe shouted as he rushed out of the car.

He came back after five minutes.

"Let me guess, you need to go to, Miss Sara?"

"Yes actually!" She said as she hopped out.

She came back and buckled up.

"Shit I need to go now-" Shin runs to the bathroom, and ran back to the car when he was finished.

"LET'S FUCKING DO THIS!!" He yelled and stepped on it.

Halfway through the trip, the kids began to scream for McDonald's.

Well a child and teen.

"McDonald's! McDonald's!" Gin and Joe were yelling.

"Alright, alright!" Shin gave up and turned into the drive through.

"I want a happy meal, with nuggets, apple slices, and chocolate milk!" Gin told him.

"I want a big mac and sprite!" Joe shouted.

"Fries and a cheese burger, please, and thank you." Sara sighed.

Shin already knew Kannas order because he took her here when he couldn't afford to make dinner at home.

"How may I take your order?" The speaker asked.

"One black coffee."

"Will that be all?"

"Yes."

Everybody was in shock from the cruelty of Shin Tsukimi.

He pulled up to the window, paid, took a sip of it and left.

"Night; night." Joe grinned, and knocked Shin out with Gins cat pillow.

Sara took control of the wheel, "What the hell-"

They drove back to the McDonald's and ordered their food with Keiji's credit card; which Joe "borrowed" and when Shin finally woke up, Sara was driving and happily eating her big Mac.

RELEASING FANFIC!! Hello! I'm doing a Hunger Games fic. It is being written in my native language, Brazilian Portuguese. But I will post it on AO3 so it can be translated by Google for you! It will be available on Wattpad and AO3

based of that one imagine of like gihun stuck in a time loop and not giving a shit about it. idk i how to use this app yall pls help me. How tf do u add pictures?

____________________________________________________________

"Red Light, Green Light, Again." 

At first, Gi-hun tried to do things the hard way. Making alliances, forming plans, agonizing over who he could save. Now? Now he’s here to put on a show.

Speedrun Start: Red Light, Green Light

The first time he played this game, he barely made it. The second, he figured out the timing. The tenth, he mastered the rhythm. The hundredth, he started experimenting.

Now?

The doll’s head barely finishes spinning forward before Gi-hun takes off at a dead sprint.

Someone screams. Players flinch. A few of them stumble back, expecting to see him drop dead on the spot.

Instead, he slides across the finish line a full minute ahead of everyone else.

The doll chirps, "Player 456, eliminated—"

BZZT.

The speakers cut out for a second, and then the mechanical voice corrects itself. "Player 456, cleared."

In-ho watches this from the control room, fingers tightening around his radio. "What."

Gi-hun stands at the finish line, brushing himself off. He glances up at the cameras, grinning. He waves.

Behind him, the other players are still frozen in shock.

New personal best.

Honeycomb: Exploiting the System

Sang-woo, as usual, hesitates at the candy tin, looking at Gi-hun like he wants to say something.

Gi-hun winks at him and picks the umbrella.

Sang-woo looks like he’s watching someone commit actual suicide.

The moment the game starts, Gi-hun flips the tin over and smashes it against the ground. The candy cracks perfectly along the shape. He stands up, holding out the umbrella with a flourish. "Done."

The guards don’t react. They don’t know how to react.

The worker monitoring the station scrambles to check the rules. "Is that allowed?"

"...There’s no rule against it."

In-ho, watching from the control room, rubs a gloved hand down his face.

Sang-woo stares at him like he’s just grown wings.

Gi-hun strolls past him, handing in his umbrella piece with a satisfied grin. "You should really read the fine print, buddy."

Tug-of-War: Advanced Mechanics

In his first few runs, he followed the old man’s strategy. It worked. But Gi-hun has had time to refine the meta.

He handpicks a team that should be doomed. No Sang-woo, no Ali, just a bunch of people who always died here.

And then, instead of playing by the rules, he yells, "JUMP ON THREE!"

His team jumps forward at the exact right moment, jolting the other team off balance.

Then he yells, "PULL NOW!"

They win in five seconds flat.

The workers just stare.

In-ho, in the control room, slowly pushes his hands together in front of his mask. "This little shit."

Marbles: Sequence Break

Gi-hun finds Il-nam sitting in the alleyway, waiting for him with that gentle old-man smile.

Gi-hun squats down, resting his arms on his knees. He tosses a marble in his hand, watching the way the light catches it.

"You’re the mastermind, aren’t you?"

Il-nam blinks. "What?"

"Come on, you think I don’t know? You disappear right before the big finale? The guards don’t shoot you? The whole ‘Oh, I just wanted to feel alive again’ monologue? Give me some credit, old man."

Il-nam’s face does something strange. "How—"

Gi-hun waves him off. "Relax. I’m not mad. I’m just bored. So how about this? I win this game, you pull some strings, and I get to skip Glass Bridge. Deal?"

Il-nam stares at him for a long, long time.

Then he laughs.

New skip discovered.

Glass Bridge: Tool-Assisted Playthrough

Gi-hun stands at the edge of the glass panels, arms crossed, while the other players stare at him, waiting.

The usual panic begins. The first few contestants get shoved. The survivors hesitate. The clock ticks down.

Gi-hun sighs. "Move."

He steps forward—and before anyone can react, he pulls a gun off one of the guards.

In-ho, watching from the control room, leaps out of his chair. "WHAT THE FU—"

Gi-hun calmly shoots out the panels, one by one, watching to see which ones break.

Then he hops across the safe ones, whistling.

Behind him, someone whispers, "What the fuck."

Even the VIPs are losing their shit.

"Where did he even get a gun?!"

"Who cares? This is amazing!"

Finale: Any% Completion

By the time Gi-hun reaches the last round, everyone is afraid of him.

The guards hesitate before addressing him. The remaining players stay far, far away. Even Sang-woo—ruthless, brilliant Sang-woo—looks at him like he’s something other.

And In-ho?

In-ho is watching from the balcony with the silent frustration of a man who has lost control of his own game.

Gi-hun tilts his head back to look at him. He gives him a mocking little salute.

The Squid Game has rules. But Gi-hun has had time. And the more he plays, the more he breaks those rules.

This is his game now.

He smirks.

"Let’s finish this."

Meanwhile, Jun-ho is sitting in the vents, completely horrified.

"What the fuck is WRONG with this guy?"

Idk maybe i should add Inho to the time loop as well, cuz I’m bored.

Can someone help me find these wangxian fics ?

1. Wei ying and the juniors were out on a night hunt and they stayed at an inn. Jin ling said something that hurt wei ying’s feelings, so he went to his room first. When he left, sizhui trapped him against the wall and revealed that the reason they have all the thousands of rules was because it was to make sure that their true strength wouldn’t be seen? He said something about how their eyes turn golden if they use their strength or power? And thats why lan zhans eyes are golden.

2. Its omegaverse and sizhui is jealous when wangxian have their biological baby bc they dont have time for him. He feeds his baby sister and makes her a meal but suddenly she dies. It turns out he replaced the berries with poisonous ones bc he wanted wangxian’s attention for himself as their only child.

3. Wei ying is trapped in CR, specifically in the jingshi. He and sizhui manage to escape from lan zhan, but it turns out sizhui told lan zhan before hand and he drugged him. Lan zhan had been drugging wei ying to make sure that he remains in the jingshi with him and sizhui wanted their family together forever.

4. Jiang cheng, huasang and wuxian go kn a camping/hiking trip? Anyways they take turns driving and the whole time jiang cheng is judging everyones ability to drive, including his. Huasang ran away from dage bc he didnt want to work out or something and jiang cheng has a crush on him (can’t remember)

@wangxianficfinder

So I'm writing a fanfic on AO3 for the Jin Siblings right? And I absolutely love those silly fucks so you all are going to listen to my silly incorrect quotes about them

Mo XuanYu: This is bothering me.

Qin Su: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Mo XuanYu: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually

Meng Yao: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Jin Zixuan: Twelve, actually.

Meng Yao: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Jin Zixuan: Yours!

Meng Yao: That's right: no one's.

Qin Su: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?

Meng Yao: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Qin Su: but what’s the first worst thing?

*Awkward pause*

Meng Yao: Su-mei, they...they weren’t always orphans.

Qin Su:

Meng Yao , teaching Qin Su to drive: Okay, you're driving and Jin Zixuan and Mo XuanYu walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Qin Su : Oh, definitely Xuan-ge. I could never hurt Mo XuanYu .

Meng Yao , massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

Jin Zixuan : You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Meng Yao : What?

Jin Zixuan : You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that?

Jin Zixuan : I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.

The Squad: Awwww-

Jin Zixuan : And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."

The Squad: Oh.

Anyways check out my very off cannon but very funny fanfiction about these gobbers because if MXTX won't give them a happy ending I WILL

For those of you who have read “How to Obtain a Reverse Harem in Naruto” by @darkpetal16 (fucking read it if you haven’t), I have a fic proposition for y’all!

Something happens, I don’t know what. Maybe Sakura or Naruto fucks around with a seal. Maybe the Goggle Gods do something. Don’t know, don’t care, something happens. But Team 7 (and maybe others) end up in the OG universe. It’s fucking chaos.

Marvel characters x oblivious!reader

Steve Rogers:

Steve and you had been getting to know each other for the past few months and were becoming good friends. Although, Steve had begun to get feelings for you that were not so friendly. He wanted more out of your guys' relationship.

He'd never been good with flirting, but decided to at least try in doing so incase he scared you off or made you uncomfortable by being too upfront.

So, while on a walk with you one winter day, Steve decided to make his move.

"Y'know, Buck once told me pretty girls always have cold hands." The cold didn't bother Steve because he was a Super-Soldier, but he assumed that it would cause some discomfort for a normal human.

You look down at your hands.

"Huh. Mine are always warm." But either way, you shoved your hands in your jacket pocket, not noticing that Steve had put out his hand for you to hold.

Peter Parker

Peter and you had been going out for a little while now, and every time he'd try to flirt with you, you'd be oblivious. So after building up some confidence (with the help of Ned), he asked you. "Can I have a kiss?"

You look at Peter in shock, wondering how he knew you had a bag of kiss in your bag. You rummage through it and hand him one.

"Here," You say, handing the small chocolate to him.

Ned held in a laugh.

"Th-thanks?" Peter said, his voice cracking with confusion and embarrassment at being rejected - even if it was done obliviously by you.

Wanda Maximoff

Wanda had tried flirting with you before and you would never quite get the hint. She had assumed there was something wrong with the way she tried to make romantic advances with you and went to the Natasha to get some pointers.

Later on, Wanda decided to use some of Nat's tips.

Wanda asked you if you wanted to bake cookies with her and invited you into the Avengers Tower kitchen.

While you both were baking and talking, Wanda would try to make her laughs sound breathy when you made a joke or would compliment you from time to time.

When she noticed you were having trouble icing one of the cookies, she stood behind you, and gently wrapped one of her hands around your hand that was holding the piping bag while you held onto the cookie.

"Here," she whispered, her hot breath hitting your ear as she helped you ice your cookie.

After Wanda was done, she placed the icing bag on the counter and looked at you, trying to see if her flirting had done the trick. But you don't notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Thanks, Wanda," you say, thinking she was just trying to be helpful.

You went to grab another cookie to ice, when she suddenly grabbed your chin. "You have something on your face," she says.

You look up at her in surprise as she swipes her thumb against your cheek. She brings her thumb to her mouth before licking the icing off.

You look up at Wanda, your brows furrowed. "That's disgusting, Wanda."

Chapter Two Archive of Our Own Link 🔗: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62894770/chapters/161628754#workskin

How could we not talk about family when family is all we got

A Umbrella academy and Bungo stray dogs crossover.

Chapter 1 WIP!

“We announce with immense sorrow the death of Reginald Hargreeves, found dead in his bed in the early hours of this morning.”

Reginald Hargreeves, billionaire, adventurer and inventor, died of heart failure on March 21, 2019.

His adopted children, once known as the child heroes of the Umbrella Academy, learned of this in different situations and from different parts of the world (and the solar system)

Luther, number 1, received the news from Pogo, while he was on the moon.

Diego, number 2, found out about it from the television of a house where he was "arresting" some thieves.

Allison, number 3, found out from the reporters, blinded by their cameras and dazed by their questions.

Vanya, number 7, found out about it when he saw the news on a TV in the window on her way home.

They were all shocked, in a mixture of joy, sadness and even anger. It was a feeling that only the four of them, the survivors, thought they were capable of feeling.

But there was a person in Yokohama who felt similar emotions.

Number 4, once Klaus Hargreeves, but now known as Dazai Osamu, received the news leaning on his desk at the Armed Detective Agency, while chatting with his husband, surrounded by colleagues who for years now he had considered his real family.

-Come on chibi, I only gave him some candy, it's not the end of the world!- -Isn't it the end of the world? Our son just locked Higuchi in the closet and is now running around a house full of sharp and dangerous objects, just because you gave him enough sugar to make him go on a hyperactive rampage!-

-He's not wrong, it's your fault.- Dazai turned to his brother, who was relaxing on Kunikida's desk

-Shut up Ben! And you better get off your desk before Kunikida-kun comes back and tries to kill you again.- The ghost stuck its tongue out at him -This would only happen if I made myself tangible-

Osamu decided to ignore his annoying brother and dedicate to his annoying husband - Don't worry Chuuya! I will send Atsushi to free Higuchi and stop Kazuya!- As he spoke these words, Kunikida entered the room, and Dazai knew something wasn't right.

The blond didn't scold him for not working, instead he approached him and handed him a newspaper. -I swear that if it's about the incident the other week, I don't know how it ended up in the newspapers- Ben rolled his eyes and got off the desk to look at the newspaper.

Kunikida instead pushed the newspaper to his chest, and Dazai noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. -You better be one of the first to know.-

-Well, it must seriously be something important if…- He stopped when he saw the headline on the front page:

Reginald Hargreeves is dead

He barely heard Ben next to him freeze and some members of the agency approaching curiously. He could only hear the sentence inside his head, over and over: Is dead. Is dead. Is dead. I'm free. I'm free. He can't take me back there anymore. I'm safe.

It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, a fear so unconscious he hadn't noticed it in years. And now he no longer had to worry about that creeping possibility, he would never return to the mausoleum, ever again.

-Osamu, are you okay?- He was so relieved that he didn't even realize he had made Ben tangible. His brother had put a hand on his shoulder and was looking at him worriedly.

-Never been better Benny-boy!- He smiled and took the phone from the ghost's hand, who probably took it to warn Chuuya.

The said person was still demanding information when the husband put the phone to his ear -Osamu, what the hell is going on? Ben told me to look for a newspaper and..-

-Reggie is dead!- He said it in a cheerful tone, intoxicated by that sense of freedom. There was silence on the other end of the line as Chuuya processed the information.

Just as he had done with the agency, at a certain point in his life Dazai had told him about who he was before Yokohama, about when he was Klaus Hargreeves, about his brothers and also about the mausoleum.

Crack AU Concept:

Some months after Ben's death, Klaus disappear. Reginald told them he was founded dead. But was really what happened?

After finding out about is father's death, Osamu Dazai decides to go to his funeral for fix is bond with is siblings, that they believed he was dead.

A semi-restored sibling bond, the power of friendship, a bit of Port Mafia skills and a very huge family dinner could save the world from the apocalypse this time?

Or: A "Osamu Dazai as Klaus Hargreaves"crackfic because I'm addicted to gacha reaction videos and I need to cope with the last season of the umbrella academy.

Kissed By The Baddest Villain Masterlist ⋆｡°✩

Synopsis: At the behest of your Uncle Kagero, you agree to be a member of the League Of Villains, loaning out your quirk to aid in their cause. Everything seems to be going as planned--until the guys all start acting weird. Why do they bicker every time you're in a room? How are you going to get used to all this attention?

And who are you going to decide to give it back to?

●Mature Themes ●Explicit Language ●Sexual Implications ●Suggestive Themes ●Smut

Hey everyone! Here is the masterlist for my current fic in progress, a LOV x fem! reader fic where you shamelessly flirt with the League Of Villains guys who are pining hard over you. It's rated Explicit as of Chapter 5, so this is a fic for those who are 18 or over! I do not go easy on the smut, my fics become filth with substance, I cannot stress this enough that it is for adult readers only!

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it ♡

Ch1 Dibs

Ch2 Getting To Know You

Ch3 Hail To The Queen

Ch4 So Kiss Me

Ch5 Practice Makes Perfect

Ch6 I Want You To Want Me

Ch7 Good Boy

Ch 8 If He's Rex Harrison, You're Audrey Hepburn

Ch 9 Ready Player Two

Ch 10 How Lucky

i think the absolute best way to write ron is to make him so calm and easy-going and mellow (in his pov), especially in how he thinks abt himself, the epitome of "i'm just a chill guy :]"

and then you read the subtext/context/what's actually going on Outside his Head and suddenly he's being physically restrained from punching a bitch and getting into all-out public brawls that get them kicked out of stores

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released ch5 of inspiral from its cage 😌 at long last:

In which Ron is consulted on his opinions on aesthetics for some reason,,,,,,

comedic highlights in this post! this is the most sitcom-y chapter so far, and can honestly be read alone if you rlly like the trio + nev + patil twins and their chaotic friendship! also for chess players, hairstyling enjoyers, and lee jordan appreciators

ch4 of inspiral is up!!

yes the chapter title is a shitty pun😌 now, onwards!

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something terrible is happening within my psyche rn as i realize this song fits with this goddamn chap

they DO have REPUTATIONS ooooohhhhh my goddddddd my shaylaasssssss 😭😭😭😭😭

so bye i'm gonna go finish crying to this now

y'all alr know the dron tag hates to see me coming [steeples hands for a transaction] but here i am again with a new chapter !!

here's ch3 in screenshots bc i can't promise it's all comedy this time:

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y'all alr know the dron tag hates to see me coming [steeples hands for a transaction] but here i am again with a new chapter !!

here's ch3 in screenshots bc i can't promise it's all comedy this time:

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comedic snippets from the freshly posted ch2 of inspiral!!

here's the summarizing line:

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snape my absolute king shines bright this chap:

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mkay dron nation, i present to you: the fic that stemmed entirely from the offhand thought "Ron would have more emotional intelligence than this" while reading a random mention of the sectumsempra scene™ and then summarily took over my entire life.

inspiral

[in which Sirius lives, Harry chills out (relatively), and Ron is forced (by absolutely no one) to pick up the Malfoy-stalking slack.

. . .

Ron was growing weary of Harry and Malfoy circling each other like a pair of feral street cats gearing up for a fight. It reminded him of Mr. Mittens, the raggedy cat Ginny had smuggled home once, and his . . . friend. He sometimes worried that this all might end up like that, what with Harry throwing around wild accusations and Malfoy sneering cryptic shite at them in response. It was ridiculous, but Ron suspected whatever Mr. Mittens had going on back then wasn’t very rational either, and they’d still ended up with a cat, a corpse, and a bloody living room floor.

. . .

Ron paused with his hand reaching for the bathroom door, debating turning back-- back to dinner and his friends and pretending he saw nothing out of the ordinary.

it's. long. this thing. so weekly updates, with ch1 up now💞

He drew in a breath before easing it open. The sound of sobbing -- choking, heaving, desperate -- was no longer muffled by the heavy wood. A high, whiny voice crooned empty platitudes like backing vocals for the world’s most depressing song, and it was with a creeping horror that Ron realized Myrtle wasn’t the one crying.

. . .]

onto the ch1 highlight reel!!

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finally posted it you guys!!!

powering thru a filler chapter rn, so here are some small funny bits released from fic-jail bc they made me laugh as i wrote

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i outdo myself, honestly:

powering thru a filler chapter rn, so here are some small funny bits released from fic-jail bc they made me laugh as i wrote

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so, i figured, to tide over all my adoring fans [blows dramatic kiss to empty theater with 3-4 stragglers] i'd post one of my lil oneshots to ao3!!!

prototype #1993.37 "more-mini recorder thingy" v.3 exp.trial.1

this babey is a Percy Weasley-centric fic, narrated by our shayla, preteen ron, focusing on the relationship (and backstory) between percy and the twins, with a heavy heavy helping of Sibling Angst™!!

since this went over so well last time, lemme add some of this fic's comedic hits below, no spoiler edition!

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powering thru a filler chapter rn (for inspiral), so here are some small funny bits released from fic-jail bc they made me laugh as i wrote

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Thinking abt this again

Had a dream where deku was a river that twilight sparkle shit in, then got arrested for public indecency by bakugou and inko. Aizawa was the prison bars.

I woke up and went back to sleep and that time pennywise was a salon lady with Uraraka as his apron. And for some reason hagakure was a screaming baby getting eyebrows waxed.

Then I woke up, went to school, and wrote 2 exams.

I wanna write a crackfic abt this.

Had a dream where deku was a river that twilight sparkle shit in, then got arrested for public indecency by bakugou and inko. Aizawa was the prison bars.

I woke up and went back to sleep and that time pennywise was a salon lady with Uraraka as his apron. And for some reason hagakure was a screaming baby getting eyebrows waxed.

Then I woke up, went to school, and wrote 2 exams.

I wanna write a crackfic abt this.

Team Prime bebes...

A quick fanfic art cover for my story : And then there were four. Older Jack, Miko, Raf, and newest addition Theresa.

Its total crack, no seriousness involved whatsoever. But if you're into such ridiculousness, you should check it out. My handle on AO3 is ChaoticReverie

Will You Still Love Me?

Zoro and Luffy x GN!Reader (seperate). 1236 Words. Reader turns into a worm dumb concept mb 🙏

You wake up feeling suffocated, everything is dark. You try to walk but can’t, as if your legs are tied together, your arms feeling trapped as well. It's only when you hear a groan and someone rolling over that you see light through a small hole. You look around, everything looks blurry. “Hello!?” you call out but your voice feels weird too. “HELLO!?” You roll around, seeing your fleshy pink body. No, this can’t be! “HELP!”

Zoro

Zoro hears your voice, quiet but panicked, screaming for help and his eyes shoot open. When he doesn’t see or feel you beside him he gets more panicked. Did you get kidnapped!? Lifting up the bedsheets, he spots a worm. “What the hell?” Did you leave because you saw a worm in the bed? He’ll have to toss it and get you back in bed. The swordsman grabs it, you, and you yelp.

“HELLO??” You yell out into the air, suddenly off-ground. “ZORO!? IS THAT YOU!?” It’s hard to see but you think you see green. He stares at the worm, fleshy thing that sounds suspiciously like you, for a few seconds as you wriggle around trying to figure out what’s going on.

“There’s no fucking way.” Zoro mumbles, eye wide. “(Y/n)?”

“Zoro! It is you! What’s wrong with me? I-I think I’m small! Are you holding me?” You lean your head down and tap his finger.

“You’re more than small, you’re a worm. The hell happened?” He speaks then thinks for a moment. “Shit, maybe I should drink less.” He suddenly puts you back down on the mattress and lays back down to sleep, he must be dreaming.

“Wha!? Zoro! Wake back up, I’m a worm!? Zoro wake up!” You roll over to him and try to crawl onto him, but it’s too hard. The blanket keeps folding around you and you get stuck. “Uue…” You flop back onto the mattress for the 3rd time and stretch out. beginning to lament. A few seconds pass of you softly crying before Zoro can’t help but get back up. Even if this is a dream and you’re a worm he can’t just leave you distressed. He picks you up and places you on his palm, though you’re still bummed. “Zoro…”

“Stop crying.” He grumbles, looking down at you.

“But I'm a worm.. does this mean we’re breaking up?” Zoro’s eyebrow twitches at your question.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” The swordsman sighs. “...No, we’re not.. breaking up.” He’s embarrassed saying this, at least thankful you can’t make out his expression.

“Are you sure?” You’re still laid down, depressed. He hates seeing you like this, even if you don’t look like you.

“Yeah.. uh.. Usopp and Franky can make you something to move around quicker.” He looks away, cheeks tinted, this is so stupid. “And I'll protect you. I can still see and hear you.”

“What about Luffy?” You don’t think you can fight like this. “What if I have to leave?”

“Luffy wouldn’t kick you out, he’s tried recruiting all kinds of people, he wouldn’t toss out a crewmate for being a—a worm.” He’s being comforting, despite the embarrassment. “Now go back to sleep, we’ll figure this out later.” He puts you back down, laying his back on the mattress quickly. You try to worm your way under the sheets, still feeling nervous. He can sense you continuing to shift around and you feel yourself being lifted up and placed on his chest without a word. Do worms sleep?

__________________

Your eyes open, what a strange dream, you try to get up and your arms feel tight together. Oh no. “I’m still a worm!?” You yell, waking Zoro up. You look at him and realize you’re at eye level, oh, his arm was just restricting you.

“Stupid.” He groans, loosening his hold. Relief flows through you. It was just a dream. You lay back down with a sigh, closing your eyes. Zoro glances at you, letting out a held breath. ‘They turned back to normal.’ It wasn’t a dream, who knows what it was, but Zoro would rather just pretend it didn’t happen. You’re back to normal anyway. He doesn’t need “comforted worm lover” to be in your mind.

Luffy

Luffy continues snoozing away next to you as you panic, slamming into something, his body. “Luffy is this you!? Luffy!” You continue slamming into it, looking for the hem of his shirt to bonk at his skin. Bad idea. He scratches the spot and rolls over straight onto you, you’re being crushed. You try to squirm around, screaming. Luffy’s eyes slowly open, noticing you’re “gone”.

“(Y/n)?” You continue to yell and he feels something underneath him, making him lift his body off of it and pick it up. It’s you. He can tell. “(Y/n)??”

“Luffy! I’m small, what's going on!?” He stares at you.

“You’re a worm.” His eyes start to twinkle before noticing you look a little weak, realizing what just happened. “I ALMOST CRUSHED YOU!”

“Yeah I think I took some damage…” You flop to the side and Luffy shoots out of bed, stretching his arm on the way out to grab his almost forgotten hat. He bursts into Chopper’s room with his hat on his head and worm in hand, startling the reindeer awake.

“CHOPPER (Y/N) IS A WORM AND I ALMOST CRUSHED THEM!”

“Wha..??” He’s still half asleep as Luffy snatches the doctor and places him on his feet. Luffy shows you to Chopper. “..Luffy this looks like a regular wo-”

“A-Am I really a worm?” Your small voice interrupts him and his eyes bug out of his head.

“AAAH YOU’RE REALLY (Y/N)!” He panics, running around. “DOCTOR! WAIT THAT’S ME.”

_____________

After your examination it’s concluded that you're not seriously injured, just startled and a bit out of it from the shock of being suddenly small and almost crushed. You lay there on the counter as Chopper puts his tools away, though the examination was mostly just some prodding with tweezers and a magnifying glass, Luffy staying with you. You still look down. “I…I can’t believe I’m a worm.” You sit(?) up and look down at your body. “..Does this mean I’m off the crew? That we’re breaking up?”

“What? Why?” Luffy tilts his head in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing.

“I can’t fight like this, I’m useless..” It’s sinking in and you droop. Luffy’s eyebrows furrow more, as if offended on your behalf.

“You’re not useless!” He carefully picks you up, cupping you in his hands to put you close to his face. “You’re still (Y/n)!”

“But!” You can’t even finish your sentence, too ashamed this is how you’ve been taken down. You suddenly feel straw underneath you. You’re on his hat.

“There!” He adjusts you so that you’re resting inside the cloth band with Rayleigh’s vivre card, smiling brightly. You can’t see it but you know. “Now we can stay together.” If you still had tear ducts you might be crying right now, but before you can say anything else your body turns hot and you fall out of the band, turning back to normal. Luffy is knocked to the ground along with you. You look down at your body as Luffy sits up, putting his hat back on his head.

“I’m back to normal!” Dang, he was actually starting to look forward to keeping you with him.

Had this in my docs for a while and just finished it up, felt like it would be funny if they werent just asked but put into the "would you still love me if i were a worm" situation. I would say more but my head is kinda going blank from the ill sore throat i have (Bleach fumes.)

this was more well recieved than i thought. I kinda assumed it would get like 2 likes and thats it lol since the idea is kinda stupid

It's YOURS

Zoro x reader. GN!Reader. Platonic. 643 words. Crack fic

Desc - You walk through a forest and find Zoro lookalikes

The Strawhats walk through a forest, some looking around excitedly while others are more tame. It's alright, but things get a lot better. While walking around you spot something, marimos. Your eyes widen and you run to Sanji while he speaks to Nami, “Nami-swan just know I’ll protect yo-” snatching him by the arm and dragging him over to the marimos in the middle of his oath. Before he can say anything you turn his head to the moss balls.

“Look!” The both of you stare and Sanji takes a moment to process before grinning mischievously. You’ve unlocked something.

“Hey, Zoro!” The cook calls over the swordsman, who walks over thinking it’s something important from the use of his name. That’s quickly thrown out, though. “Look, we found your siblings.” Sanji says while pointing, Zoro follows the direction before scowling. He should’ve known it was something like this.

“You called me over for this?” He’s irritated. “If this is my family then every stupid swirl is yours!” He yells, butting heads with Sanji once his grin faded to anger. Meanwhile, you get your own idea and start picking the moss balls out of the water and stuffing them into your clothes. Uncomfortable but this’ll be worth it.

“Zoro, Zoro.” You call to him, which takes a few times before he finally turns to you.

“What!?” He spots you with a round stomach, your clothes wet with water. “The hell are you doing.”

“Zoro, I’m pregnant.” He stares at you with an annoyed and shocked expression, he can’t believe you’re doing this. You squat down and start pushing like you’re giving birth. “NnnGNGGH!!” The moss balls plop out of your clothes onto the ground. “And they’re yours.”

…

Sanji bursts into laughter and Zoro clenches his teeth. “Stop messing around!” You pick the marimos up and look at him with sadness.

“You don’t accept them?”

“As if!” He barks at you and your eyes widen in faux shock.

“...I’m a single parent..” You look away dramatically and Sanji falls to the ground with tears running down his face from laughter.

“You’re both stupid.” As he says that Robin walks over, curious.

“What’s going on?” She asks and you walk to her while holding your moss children.

“I gave birth,” You hold them up. “but he doesn’t accept them.” You look at Zoro with sorrow. He looks at Robin in disbelief at you but she frowns.

“How horrible.” His jaw drops.

“You too!?” The swordsman yells as Robin wraps her arms around you, comforting you in these trying times.

“Huh? What’s happening?” Luffy stretches down from a tree branch.

“Zoro’s abandoning his children after they were just born.” Robin states and Luffy gasps.

“Zoro! That’s not nice!” The captain admonishes Zoro, completely skipping over any actual logic.

“I can’t believe this.” The other Strawhats continue to gather around as you explain your tearful story dramatically until everyone is comforting you, making Zoro seem heartless while he stands there.

‘How did I become the bad guy here?’ He thinks to himself as Usopp and Nami send him dirty looks. You break from their grasp and slowly walk to your children’s father, holding them out to him.

“Zoro.. please… hold them..” You say softly he stares at the moss uncomfortably, then up at you and the others’ encouraging expressions.

“I…” He falters, starting to give into this weird peer pressure as he takes the wet blobs in his arms.

“How’s being a dad?” You put a hand on his shoulder.

“Uh.” They’re squishy but if he thinks about it they’re cute, in a way. “Not bad I guess-” He looks at you to find you’re barely holding in laughter. “Why am I doing this shit!?” He snaps, throwing the moss ball angrily.

“My babies!” You give chase.

“Cruel..” Usopp whispers audibly to Nami, who nods.

“Shut up!”

Yall fw the format? Thought it might look cooler and i would take advantage of the fact tumblr is more customizable than a03. IK havent written in a long time. Idk why but i coulfnt push thru it. I actually had this written messily a while back and just proofread it and post it just now so im still kinda stuck lolol. Im gonna try and get into it again, rewatching OP to try and get back in the groove 2

It's YOURS

Zoro x reader. GN!Reader. Platonic. 643 words. Crack fic

Desc - You walk through a forest and find Zoro lookalikes

The Strawhats walk through a forest, some looking around excitedly while others are more tame. It's alright, but things get a lot better. While walking around you spot something, marimos. Your eyes widen and you run to Sanji while he speaks to Nami, “Nami-swan just know I’ll protect yo-” snatching him by the arm and dragging him over to the marimos in the middle of his oath. Before he can say anything you turn his head to the moss balls.

“Look!” The both of you stare and Sanji takes a moment to process before grinning mischievously. You’ve unlocked something.

“Hey, Zoro!” The cook calls over the swordsman, who walks over thinking it’s something important from the use of his name. That’s quickly thrown out, though. “Look, we found your siblings.” Sanji says while pointing, Zoro follows the direction before scowling. He should’ve known it was something like this.

“You called me over for this?” He’s irritated. “If this is my family then every stupid swirl is yours!” He yells, butting heads with Sanji once his grin faded to anger. Meanwhile, you get your own idea and start picking the moss balls out of the water and stuffing them into your clothes. Uncomfortable but this’ll be worth it.

“Zoro, Zoro.” You call to him, which takes a few times before he finally turns to you.

“What!?” He spots you with a round stomach, your clothes wet with water. “The hell are you doing.”

“Zoro, I’m pregnant.” He stares at you with an annoyed and shocked expression, he can’t believe you’re doing this. You squat down and start pushing like you’re giving birth. “NnnGNGGH!!” The moss balls plop out of your clothes onto the ground. “And they’re yours.”

…

Sanji bursts into laughter and Zoro clenches his teeth. “Stop messing around!” You pick the marimos up and look at him with sadness.

“You don’t accept them?”

“As if!” He barks at you and your eyes widen in faux shock.

“...I’m a single parent..” You look away dramatically and Sanji falls to the ground with tears running down his face from laughter.

“You’re both stupid.” As he says that Robin walks over, curious.

“What’s going on?” She asks and you walk to her while holding your moss children.

“I gave birth,” You hold them up. “but he doesn’t accept them.” You look at Zoro with sorrow. He looks at Robin in disbelief at you but she frowns.

“How horrible.” His jaw drops.

“You too!?” The swordsman yells as Robin wraps her arms around you, comforting you in these trying times.

“Huh? What’s happening?” Luffy stretches down from a tree branch.

“Zoro’s abandoning his children after they were just born.” Robin states and Luffy gasps.

“Zoro! That’s not nice!” The captain admonishes Zoro, completely skipping over any actual logic.

“I can’t believe this.” The other Strawhats continue to gather around as you explain your tearful story dramatically until everyone is comforting you, making Zoro seem heartless while he stands there.

‘How did I become the bad guy here?’ He thinks to himself as Usopp and Nami send him dirty looks. You break from their grasp and slowly walk to your children’s father, holding them out to him.

“Zoro.. please… hold them..” You say softly he stares at the moss uncomfortably, then up at you and the others’ encouraging expressions.

“I…” He falters, starting to give into this weird peer pressure as he takes the wet blobs in his arms.

“How’s being a dad?” You put a hand on his shoulder.

“Uh.” They’re squishy but if he thinks about it they’re cute, in a way. “Not bad I guess-” He looks at you to find you’re barely holding in laughter. “Why am I doing this shit!?” He snaps, throwing the moss ball angrily.

“My babies!” You give chase.

“Cruel..” Usopp whispers audibly to Nami, who nods.

“Shut up!”

Yall fw the format? Thought it might look cooler and i would take advantage of the fact tumblr is more customizable than a03. IK havent written in a long time. Idk why but i coulfnt push thru it. I actually had this written messily a while back and just proofread it and post it just now so im still kinda stuck lolol. Im gonna try and get into it again, rewatching OP to try and get back in the groove 2