Did - Blog Posts

Ah man getting bitched at by Lance cuz we're so harmfully selfless but feel so toxicity Selfish.

Let us explain.

It's a recurring pattern. Anyone wants something (say a movie or show) we watch that, hint we wanna watch something new or we get in the habit of seeing reels of a show/movie and our brain goes "yes watch that" but we all still win in that stupid "No, THEY want to watch [said other show]"

Happened today with music too. Think lance took control of Peter Parker to make Stark listen to HIS playlist even though we had one or teo more STAR KID musicals his son wanted to hear...

We don't know how to get out of this stupid loop. We feel selfish when we have a bad mental day/sick day/pain day or Tony has a *horrible* narcoleptic day (trippy how that effects the body honestly. Like WTF) see cuz we could be doing so much right?

Us and BM have made a sticker chart and reach enough you can get something you want... We... Want Moriah Elizabeth stuff but... It... Feels too expensive... And yeah ik BM will see this, tell us to get it, we're going to feel like always cuz why not just tell them or something... The problem is we have a hard time telling anyone what... WE want... We're not... Well... We feel like we're not... For US you know?

It's like Lance is the only one physically upset about it...

I'm not going to lie we saw our grandma is selling dolls (she makes the clothes by hand... Like... BEAUTIFUL clothes...... Like the ones below)

Silly... We physically are the only grandkid who actually cares and ADORES them... She stops giving them for Christmas at 18.. (body is 21 now) like we physically cried when we turned 18 cuz we knew it was the last doll... We don't talk to them, or our dad, or mom, or her mom (all in all we don't REALLY talk to our family, idk why we just don't) so we feel selfish for wanting one for that reason but... We love these dolls... Have them on display when we're not moving place to place... Like... Tall big glass containers!!! Really cherish them!!! And it threw out fucking vibe off... Wanted Tony's music to try and cheer up but we went "Nah. Peter is listening to the musical" for an hour...

See what I mean by harmfully selfless??? Watch what we want when people are asleep, press home when they wake up so they can watch what they want. Think we have a Barry Allen, HR (The Flash), Lucifer and someone else but we don't watch those damn shows cuz who tf would wanna watch those??? Ngl Shawn was nervous to watch his source... (Turns out Psych is uh... More loveable than I thought... Considering I'm a dumbass -🍍)

It's... Irritating...

We feel like assholes for being fucking human... Ngl we were hoping Tony Stark would be selfish enough but turns out we were dead fucking wrong...

We've kind of lost ourselves too... You know? We're used to certain foods now we don't even remember what we like (and we're adding this here because it ties in to that ↑ -Lance) I know frozen burritos and pot pies but... Those... Aren't... Favorites here lmao.

We forgot shows we like even with damn alters OF those shows. Movies? Uh... I think Pixels? Wonka? Iron Man? Right... Uh... Idk.

And yeah we know this is related to trauma and whatnot or whatever but fuck can we just... Idk... Idfk...

Anyone else get this way or are we just pathetic?

Idk. It's funny. Tails fronts everytime we make this joke. It was his first time saying something.

-Wade

Laughing our ass off with our partner in the car because Bakugou was singing his song (actually physically listening to himself song too) and went "This voice is so me, guys if we had a bakugou he'd have the Japanese voice in headspace" .... We told BM and they laughed with us...

-Kiri

Wanting to listen to my story but it's 12:25am and there are children present...

-Fell

The kids? Tenn has heard worse.

-Crow

No... Shawn

-Fell

HEY!

-🍍

Being a system is fun and all until someone/thing reminds you why you're a system in the first place.

-🍍

Bros, we're watching The Smurfs movies and bros... I'm renaming our terms to fucking Smurf names. Hah Smerfs. Anyways hear me out.

(my term 'alter' my change but for now... I'm putting alter. If you didn't use "Alter" you can swap it)

And yes I changed a few of these, yes you can use them cuz bro... Fuck normal things am I right?

Grandparent Alter

Parent Alter

Nerdy Alter

Clumsy Alter

Hefty Alter

Grouchy/Grumpy Alter (A calmer word for rage/anger holders)

Handy Alter

Jokey/Prankster Alter

Greedy Alter

Chef Alter

Vanity Alter

Lazy Alter

Harmony/Music Alter

Poet/Writer Alter

Painter/Artist Alter

Scardey Alter

Sloppy Alter

Tracker Alter

Baby /Youngster Alter (probably a little honestly guys)

Snappy Alter (definitely a step down from Grumpy)

Slouchy Alter

Alchemist Alter

Timid Alter

Actor Alter

Architect Alter

Baker Alter

Dabbler Alter

Doctor Alter

Dopey Alter

Enamore Alter

Finance Alter

Flying Alter

Nanny Alter

Nosey Alter

Editor Alter

Reporter Alter

Sculptor Alter

Sickly Alter

Stinky Alter

Sweepy Alter

Tailor Alter

Wimpy Alter

Wild Alter

Weepy Alter

Tuffy Alter (acts tough)

Nurse Alter

Lucky Alter

Pretentious Alter

Pastrycook Alter

Cook Alter

Submariner Alter

Gutsy Alter

Navigator Alter (bros this is weirdly Lance for us)

Hunter Alter

Flighty Alter (can't make decisions)

Nobody Alter

Pushover Alter

Crazy Alter

Narrator Alter

Passive-Aggressive Alter

Panicky Alter

Smooth Alter

Clueless Alter

Party Planner Alter

Complimentary Alter

Drummer Alter

Schemer Alter

Dreamy Alter

Gullible Alter

Paranoid Alter

Policeman Alter

Magician Alter

Mime Alter

Karate Alter

Gamer Terms

(least to us)

Farmer Alter

Miner Alter

Miller Alter

Fisher Alter

Timber Alter

I understand some of these are mean or harsh! Oh you use this you can change it to fit your feels better!

(Also sorry this is kinda thrown. I wanted to just get my thoughts out really)

-Larry

Penelope and Polites were checking out their husband (Odysseus, our partner's alter (for this context bio fem body)) and Penelope straight up goes "oh I like him a lot better in this better... *Bites lip*"

Polites turned to her like "Penelope... Look me in the eyes when I ask this... Are you into women?"

Her answer was a dead stare then "... Poli... I might be... My husband 😭"

Spidey out

THIS !! I can NOT stress this enough. OSDDID is not something fun to have, sure it has its positives (positive experiences) But it's still a trauma disorder. I'm tired of seeing radqueers on here saying "fuck you anti radqueers !! I'm gonna form a system becuase I can :3 I want dissociative amnesia ! I want horrifying flashbacks >w< and I want to have split headaches so bad they're crippling! >:3" I wish every radqueer, endo, pro endo, endo neutral a very get well. A very get educated. It hurts to see these types of people refuse to understand how NOT FUCKING FUN these DISORDERS are, which mind you are INVOLUNTARY. You cannot pick and choose having OSDDID.

DID is more than just having parts. Its also,

• amnesia

• confusion

• headaches

• nausea

• repeated childhood trauma

• anxiety

• spikes in fear. Anger. Or shame

• mood swings from parts

• body dysphoria

• depersonalization

• derealization

• self puzzlement

• loss of control

• flashbacks

• dizziness

And more.

DID is not "friends in your head" its traumatic, scary and uncomfortable. Its not fun it's a terrifying TRAUMA BASED disorder. And it should never be romanticized - Vesper

we are the same, i don't have any advice personally, my only guess is that we have lots of "split spikes" during traumatic situations, and that could be happening to you if you are currently in a traumatic situation? that's our personal experience though, so take it with a grain of salt, we dissociate hard when thinking about being plural which makes it really hard to think about solutions. Good luck though!!

Here's the issue:

I writing this am part of a larger system, Wanderstars.

However I (personally) experience different personality and age states as headmates. We are all together in our own group.

If I attempt to push them all together and say "they're different emotions not different people" I spend all day dissociated not knowing who I am at all.

Either way, what I know logically is "happy" and "sad" and "lonely" are different people in the mind and it's how we need to be to function. They don't like being the same person together because they're not the same on some level. Switching between them is best described as monoconscious.

Does anyone have any advice or tips on like...slowing down crazy "splits" of these new fragments? I'm guessing to bring us all together will take serious therapy, since there are dissociative barriers in place for a reason, but in the meantime is there any way to keep us at a low number?

We are traumagenic. Wondering if this is any similar to the experience of any polyfragmented disordered systems? Or just similar to any of your experience.

Any response is welcome. Didn't think we'd be questioning plurality a second time.

- Wildflower Garden